Author's Note: Went back to NYC where I walked around with an awesome person in the rain. Saw my favorite person again and so...this could have been more emotional and filled with angst but I'm pretty content. It was meant to be much longer but that didn't happen. So maybe one more chapter to go and then its done. I need this to be done so I can work on my friend's glee story that's a great concept. This update is overdue hm?
Through half open eyes Quinn stretched and rolled further onto her back. She had felt Rachel leave the bed but knew she'd come back. That or she'd make her lay down in the bed again and when Rachel came into the room with only a cream towel on the blonde sat up and gently pulled her closer.
Looking up into brown eyes she rested her chin lightly on the smaller girl's stomach and held her waist. To be honest Quinn wanted the closeness, the feel of Rachel. She was always soft even though she had lean muscles in her tiny body. For the life of her Quinn couldn't decide what she liked most about her girlfriend. Her voice was one of the best things about her, she used it as a weapon and she'd take Broadway by storm.
Every little thing Rachel did was cute, insane, soft, over the top, and a whole slew of things that most people would find contradicting, but although Rachel was small she held so much power and so much inner strength.
Closing her eyes Quinn knew that she was the reason why Rachel had to use so much of that strength, she had ordered slushies against her, ridiculed her, verbally thrown bombs at her but Rachel was also forgiving and really the blonde was at a loss of if she knew anyone better than Rachel, they just paled in comparrison. The entire town was less than her.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Rachel asked pearing down at the usually taller girl and moved long hair smoothly behind her ear.
"Nothing beautiful," she said slowly looking up. And even though her voice had dropped and made Rachel shiver it didn't hold that sexual tone.
Of course she wanted to ravage Rachel's body, she had a brain. Her girlfriend in a towel smelling like water and just herself was always appealing but her brain was overactive. Moving her head down Rachel brought their lips together slowly. It was almost painful how slow it was but Quinn loved it. They were both savoring it, the act, the feelings and how they layered over one another, made each aspect stronger and that much more important.
Gently Rachel pushed Quinn back, straddling the blonde as she hovered above her until the blonde started to kiss the smaller girl's neck and with care pushed her back down onto the bed. She was half on her and ready to remove the towel until Rachel's phone buzzed, effectively making the smaller girl slip out of bed and check her pockets. Quinn turned back over, away from her girlfriend and grumbled into the pillow. It wasn't even words, more deep growls that made Rachel lightly chuckle.
"Its daddy, he says I have to be home soon." She said with disappointment laced in her tone.
"Parents shouldn't text, I firmly believe there should be a law against it," Quinn said lowly as she moved onto her back again and stared at the ceiling.
"Its entirely plausible he was worried since I didn't come home, but he knew I was coming here, otherwise they would have called all night," she said as she moved closer to the bed and laid down.
"I thought you had to leave," Quinn replied, trying not to sound so upset, though it came out.
"Dad didn't say a time, they were talking to each other and they both know how much I appreciate specifics. Details are everything so it'll be easy to use that against them. Now stop mopping and kiss me," she said edging closer and moving her nose against Quinn's neck.
"You're demanding," the blonde said teasing her, but still held a serious tone until Rachel found her pulse point and lightly sucked on it. Quinn moaned, not able or wanting to stop it, "I like it," she added and heard Rachel giggle into her skin.
"Mmm," the smaller girl said, acting it up and appearing contemplative as she pulled back, "what else do you like about me," she asked playfully even though they both knew she was really curious, as she moved closer and was half on Quinn, her fingertips sliding along her ribs.
"Your lips..." Quinn replied then bit her own bottom one, trying to hold back a moan to what Rachel was doing to her. It really was distracting to her thoughts. "Ah...your eyes...your constant tan..."
She stopped hearing Rachel laugh but so did the physical touches. The smaller girl was propped on her elbow and looked down at the popular girl, eyes narrowed and the blonde frowned, thinking she had said something wrong even though she loved those things about Rachel, how they were opposite, how their skin tones complimented one another...
"Those are things on the surface, you're kind of shallow baby," she said in all seriousness but then the corners of her mouth went up, followed by a full blown Rachel Berry smile. That didn't stop Quinn's mouth from dropping. Her girlfriend was such a little actress.
"Here I am trying to give you a compliment," Quinn grumbled, "and you call me shallow."
"I'm teasing," she said trying to pull Quinn's hands away from her eyes. Rachel always thought they were beautiful, a wonderul hazel that always changed depending on her mood. "You aren't shallow, but to be fair you only mentioned things at face value. I had zero control of my eyes or my skin tone," Rachel said moving back to lay on the bed and look at the ceiling, same as Quinn was doing. Moving further into the bed she got under the covers and then shifted around. From the corner of her eye she saw Quinn's eyebrow lift in a "what the hell are you doing" look but the smirk that was there said she wasn't being her head bitch in charge, scrutinizing everything.
If Rachel could be any more cute Quinn thought she might die. But that was part of the allure of her girlfriend. The smaller girl was completely in the dark about how cute she was. Before Quinn thought she was painfully endearing when she had to listen to Rachel's long monologues and speeches in glee, but now she knew the speeches were from nervousness and her intense desire to get her point across.
Then all thought vanished when she saw the towel drop to the floor.
"Okay, lets talk about the non-surface things shall we?" Rachel said primly and placed her folded hands on her own stomach, clearly ready for a discussion, though to Quinn she looked like she was ready for a lecture.
What? Hold on...what! She wants me to talk to her when she's naked, less than a foot away from me? I knew it, I knew it! Rachel's insane.
"Rachel Barbara Berry, if you want me to talk to you," she said in a lowered, commanding voice, "you have to put on clothes."
"But why? Its balanced, you're naked, I'm naked," she continued and missed the slight blush coming to Quinn's cheeks. "Somewhere other people are naked. Babies...unless they're Kurt. I think he may have come out of the womb in designer onesies," Rachel rambled. A smirk followed knowing she was close to driving Quinn up the wall, but only saw her girlfriend shake her head and cover her hand with her mouth trying to hold in her laughter thinking the smaller girl sometimes had ADD.
"I don't know what to do with you sometimes," Quinn said between laughter but a boney elbow to her ribs stopped her. It didn't hurt but it was shocking.
"Do something," Rachel demanded and Quinn rolled her eyes. There was that tone again.
"Fine, you want to talk about "non-surface things," she asked using air quotes. "Alright," she said and settled into the bed further, crossing her arms gently over her chest until she felt that was too stiff and moved her elbows onto the matress so her hands were holding her stomach, similar to how she had done months ago. And then she got lost in thought.
The simple action of holding her stomach made her think of Beth. Of how she had given up someone she loved, someone she would never really know but would love and adore from afar forever. It was always baffling how she couldn't remember the last time she loved herself, but she loved Beth, someone that came from her. Maybe that was the only good thing she'd do in her life-she created Beth. But wasn't being with Rachel beautiful? Didn't Rachel make her want to be better?
Quinn kept looking up at the ceiling. It was inviting and blank, a needed distraction, so she doesn't have to focus on Rachel, in a way it felt like a confession, only without the confined space and an overbearing church. Rachel wanted depth, wanted an honest answer even though they had been half joking with one another.
"Do you have any idea how terrifying it is to love someone?" The blonde whispered, eyes closed as she tried to will her lungs to breathe, her voice to come out smoothly. "Really, have you thought about it Rach?" She asked and felt the bed shift and warmth envelope her side as the brunette pressed closer to her.
She expected Rachel to respond. Her girlfriend was never short on commentary and adding her opinions, but it was calming and somehow reassuring when a small hand came across her lower stomach and held her hip, molding into her. She didn't know that Rachel was amazed at how quickly Quinn could turn a switch on be this pensive person.
"I think you just feel it, you embrace it even" the cheerleader continued and opened her eyes but didn't allow herself to look at Rachel, safely assuming that she wouldn't be able to express what she wanted, what she felt needed to be said. The smaller girl was always addictive and her lips were begging to be kissed, they fit with her, caressed her and said without any words, just with physical connection that she accepted her, another layer that came with love. And Quinn could get lost in the layers, buried under them, she'd willingly die kissing Rachel longer, knowing that it was like grazing the singer's soul and asking in a kiss if she could share it, as she would her own if Rachel asked. Truth was sometimes Quinn felt that Rachel was asking and it only made her love her more.
Her throat was starting to clench, as though her body was refusing to be this honest, this bare. She swallowed and felt Rachel's fingers slowly move from her hip to glide up her side and rest her fingertips delicately along her collarbone. "But love...is this full on emotional wreck." She paused and closed her eyes again. "Its not rational, its... " And she had to stop, words were so inadequate and she wanted to be poetic, she wanted her words to make the moment beautiful but she knew words would fail them. Simplicity was better, though the words were far from simple to convey.
"I love you on an unadultered level." Her voice sounded more steady but dropped to a whisper again, knowing it would shake, the tension in the back of her throat...
She couldn't voice the rest of her thoughts though part of her screamed at her to say-And I fear it. That it won't be enough. And its so uncertain and out of my control. But she just wrapped an arm around herself as though to contain herself, the emotions, the words, the inevitable feeling or falling apart with her insecurities painfully obvious.
"And you love your control," Rachel said lightly but didn't hold a judging tone in her remark. Somehow she knew what Quinn was thinking without saying it. They were on the same page, the same sentence and the blonde sighed, liking how it was easy to be with Rachel but she was still amazed her girlfriend had picked up on it.
Quinn looked at her with a raised eyebrow. Of all things to say that's what Rachel chose to comment on? The blonde was beside herself until she kept looking into brown eyes and seeing the softness there. How the smaller girl had an edge of playfulness to make it easier for her and Quinn couldn't stop it. No, she didn't bother to hold back as she refell in love with her girlfriend. And she loved playful Rachel, she looked forward to the opportunities where Rachel allowed her mind to not be focused on school, broadway, dance class and instead where she could relax. But Quinn pretending to glare at Rachel as though challenging her and she willed any acting skills she had to the surface.
"Okay you're comfortable with it," the tanned girl admitted and then let a small smile form on her lips as the cheerleader pulled her closer. The words clearly chosen carefully, but Rachel was smart and replied quickly.
"Do you get it?" Quinn softened.
"Most of it.'' Though she really only understood maybe forty percent. It was horrifying how she was in this moment, that they were together and felt connected but it could end, it could always be taken away from them, but maybe that was part of the beauty of it, that love held so much. The taller girl willed words to come to her.
Again she took a deep breath. Laying out emotions was worse than running suicides at practice she was quickly realizing. It was out of her element. She could read books, gothic and modern books from classics to poetry but she only understood what they felt vicariously, she hadn't felt anything like them. Until Rachel.
"I worry that I'm not enough," she heard herself say in her head, but the words didn't come out. "That I'm not worth it," she tried to say more but there was silence.
Then she closed her eyes. "I've never met anyone's standards...and yours are really high...they're hard to live up to," she tried to say softly knowing the younger girl could take her words as a guilt trip when it was far from her intention.
There was a full minute or maybe it was a second when silence felt painful, as though it was reaffirming that Rachel agreed, that she couldn't refute what the blonde had said, but Quinn felt Rachel move closer, again, almost into her soul. Lips lightly pressed against her neck and the cheerleader felt the smaller girl's nose graze her tendon, breathing her in.
And with an incredibly certain tone Rachel willed her voice to be strong, loving, and unable to be debated as she tried to hold back tears that were making the situation all the more overwhelming. "Quinn Fabray you surpassed them ages ago."
Leaning down Rachel caught Quinn's mouth and felt the smile from the blonde. She bit down on the lower lip and moaned into the taller girl. Abruptly stopping she pulled back and saw her girlfriend look like she was in a drug induced haze.
"You're goofy," she said with a smirk. "Just goofy sometimes," she said now laughing and got out of bed as Quinn's eyes were still shut and a ridiculous smile still on her face. How Quinn could let her guard down but was a completely different person when others were around still threw Rachel, it was nice that she got this version of Quinn. The charming, sweet, pensive, scared, but trying one rather than the one that narrowed her eyes and looked like she could kill you for sport, but she was learning Quinn, seeing sides to her others weren't allowed and she felt privaledged to see this.
Moving to the bathroom she grabbed her clothes and changed, coming out and jumped on the matress, landing on her knees. "Come on goof," she said with a killer smile, only to bit her bottom lip making Quinn moan. The blonde always thought Rachel doing that gesture was attractive, even if she was mocking her in fun.
"What are you doing?" she said with amusement and the smaller girl took her hand and tried to pull her out of bed, but she grabbed the blanket and kept herself covered. Slowly she got out of bed, intently holding the blanket against her, missing the smile fall from Rachel's lips.
Something else we'll have to work on. Rachel considered and moved closer to kiss Quinn on the cheek. Patience. She needs patience and things will change.
"I'm hungry," Quinn grumbled and made her way to her bathroom for a quick shower.
"Do you want to go to my house or out?" Rachel offered and tried not to sound too excited that her girlfriend was admitting to having an appetite.
"Two birds-one stone-we'll eat with your dads' and then we can relax the rest of the day?" The blonde asked as she placed her hand on the bathroom door handle.
"Do you like spending time with my dads?" Rachel asked curious, knowing Finn never really wanted to spend time with her parents or even his own, just go up to their rooms in hopes of making out.
"Yeah, what's not to like? And..." she paused, "Tell no one," she said dropping her voice and narrowed her eyes in an empty threat, "I like your weird vegan food. Everyone thinks I'm obsessed with bacon, but it was...just the pregnancy cravings," she finished, turning serious and pulled the sheet closer to her.
When did Quinn take the sheet? She was holding the blanket before...this is the Quinn Fabray syndrom. It has to be. I pay acute attention to detail and sweet Moses...a naked Quinn is in front of me and I lose focus? How gay am I? Its just Quinn, I've never cared about other girls...am I gay? Or is it just Quinn? And she had pregnancy cravings...she was pregnant. I always forget that. How is that possible? Okay..she barely mentions it...no one else does, but it changed her...and she admitted to liking vegan food. More importantly she likes my dads...almost everyone in this town avoids them, except for the few open minded people, but...
"So we'll go to your house?" Quinn asked, breaking up Rachel's thoughts and her eyes refocused on the blonde who looked confused at her pause.
"Hm?" Rachel said looking at her girlfriend's frown and finding confused Quinn even cute and then the words settled in her mind. "Mhm, yeah."
"You seem out of it...there's juice in the fridge," she said gently, indicating Rachel would clearly get some and help herself if she wanted anything, though she knew the brunette loved juice.
"Okay," she said as she tilted her head and looked at the high school cheerleader who looked more like a woman. Graceful, relaxed with only a sheet. She watched as her girlfriend went into the bathroom and gently closed the door.
Slowly she turned, thoughts dancing around in her head like a chaotic ballet. Yeah, Rachel Berry was the high school version of Black Swan, at least a little. As she made her way downstairs she heard voices and realized it was the television. Rounding the corner of the stairs she noticed Quinn's mother was sitting in the livingroom with FOX news on in the background.
She barely seemed to be paying attention as she moved her index finger around on the rim of her clear drink. Rachel couldn't stop the frown as she kept looking at this woman who seemed at a loss and resigned to the position she was in...sitting stiffly, legs crossed, one foot behind the other ankle in a nineteen fifty's style clothes. There wasn't a hair out of place and she looked a bit stone-like.
Maybe that's where Quinn got that trait from. But Quinn can be warm, so warm and loving...
She's seen a layer to Quinn that no one had and she also knew she shouldn't be judging this woman who seemed so poised and ready for her picture to be taken. The only issue was she was alone, her husband wasn't there and her daughter was up in her room. Part of Rachel's chest hurt. She couldn't begin to understand why the image hurt, but it was so different from her own home where her dads were often in the same room, laughing, teasing, or talking. This woman looked so lonely...
"Mrs. Fabray..." Rachel asked gently after she had stepped fully into the room. Even though the stoic woman hadn't looked up from intently gazing at the floor. While she had walked in Rachel had felt the need to speak softly.
"Hello," the older woman said and gave a small smile that Rachel felt came out painful, as though the woman hadn't for some time.
"I'm Rachel...Quinn's friend," she said and intwined her fingers together until she dropped her hands at her sides. It was odd that this would be her first impression and she felt that lying to her from the start was getting off to a bad foundation. Not that the woman would know that, but Rachel still felt that slight guilt. "I hope you don't mind Mrs. Fabray, Quinn said I could get a water..or juice," she said with uncertainty as she watched the older woman flinch at her words.
"Judy, call me Judy please," she got out and Rachel caught that the mannerism in her girlfriend came from her mother. She never wanted the chance to meet her father to figure out which traits the man transfered into Quinn, but this woman seemed like she lacked life. It scared her. Was this how Quinn could become? Beautiful but cold, unmoved, uninterested in life?
"Okay, how are you Judy?" Rachel asked, feeling a bit odd to ask a parent and take interest in them when usually it was the adults first move asking about school, plans for college, the same questions over and over.
Judy seemed shocked by the interest and took a moment to answer while she raised her eyebrows. For a second Rachel caught her breath, realizing this is how Quinn would likely look as she aged, attractive. Yes, the brunette always thought of New York and broadway and attacked high school with that unwavering goal, but she didn't think of her life in her thirties or fourties.
"I'm okay, how are you?" She answered politely and Rachel took in how guarded it was.
"I'm fine...I'm good..I mean...I could be better," she said and looked down at the carpet.
"Is there something wrong?" Judy asked and stood up to move closer to Rachel and the brunette bit her bottom lip. To be honest or not to? She had been raised to be honest, that it was valued and the world wasn't full of it enough, but she also knew it could hurt, it could tear people down and cause them pain that she never intended.
"I...its that..." Rachel paused and swallowed, she didn't want to say it but she had to. It was unbelievably awkward but she'd regret walking away, first impression be damned. "It could be better if you didn't try to hit Quinn," she whispered and looked up to see Judy place her drink on the marble counter and then grab the edge.
They both stood there, Rachel in fear as she watched Judy grab the glass again, but pushed it away. She turned and faced her but instead of seeing anger like she expected Rachel saw tears building in the older woman's eyes, that cold facade cracking a little bit at the edges.
"I didn't mean to," Judy said in a choked whisper. "I...I was..under the influence and that's not an excuse...I know." she said and her shoulders slumped. "I miss my daughter," she added and looked at the wall.
"I shouldn't...I'm sorry I said anything," Rachel offered but was glad to know that Judy felt remorse. There were two sides to every story and although she had been furious at this woman for raising a hand to her daughter and she had wanted to yell at this woman weeks ago, but now she wanted to sit with her and listen to her explain her side. "Do you...have you tried apologizing?" The question came out gently.
"She's never home, I'm not blaming her, I wouldn't be here either," Judy replied and Rachel caught that she, like Quinn pronounced either with an I in the beginning, making them seem a little classier.
"That's..understandable," Rachel chose her words, knowing she really wanted to yell-can you blame her? She was kicked out! She doesn't even talk about it to me! She's changed the subject to vegan icecream with my dad to avoid it!
"I was ready to raise the baby with her, I could have raised her, I offered" Judy confessed quietly but kept looking at the floor as though it could solve everything. Rachel was again thrown. She didn't know that. Quinn had given birth to Beth while she watched their competition and missed the trip to the hospital. Looking back on it she shouldn't have cared about Vocal Adrenaline and gone with Quinn, but she always had blinders on, she was always so focused and sometimes disreguarded others. Sighing she was disappointed in herself and tried to fix it, knowing full well she was overstepping but felt compelled to try to remedy something with her girlfriend's relationship to her mother.
"I'll make you a deal," she said slowly, feeling odd at the situation, how she felt that she had the upperhand, that she had the power. And she did, she could manipulate Quinn, it wouldn't take much, but she didn't want to have to, but she also monopolized her girlfriend's time.
Thinking logically she knew she'd have to give up her time, their time together for Quinn to reconnect with her mother. Taking a deep breath she steadied her voice and looked Judy in the eyes, "She's usually having dinner with my family, if I told her..if I made her have dinner here you'd be able to talk to her," she tried.
The older woman looked her up and down, sizing her up, trying to decide how this girl had that much say over her daughter. Before she could come to any conclusion she was interrupted by the younger version of herself. Quinn came prancing down the stairs like a fawn and stopped at the bottom, looking slightly like a deer in headlights and her laid back demeanor changed instantly.
"Ready?" Quinn asked stiffly and didn't leave room for Rachel to refute that she wasn't as the cheerleader already made her way to the door, ignoring her mother who now stood like a statue, unsure how to approach her daughter. The brunette sighed, fully aware that her girlfriend could be such a brute sometimes and though she saw why, it wasn't going to help anything, if both Fabrays were unwilling...
And her own thoughts stopped as she saw Quinn open the door and leave the house smoothly, without a glance over her shoulder.
Words were failing her and she didn't think they'd fit the situation so instead she gave Judy a small smile, offering nonverbally to try to do her best with Quinn to fix things or move them along to a better relationship. Judy only frowned at Rachel, still unable to figure out why their interactions seemed so similar.
It wasn't until Rachel left did she realize that Quinn was acting like her older sister after Frannie left for college. She would come home only during holidays where her husband would try to act as a mediator, sighing often at being put in the position, knowing he clearly wanted things to be better but could only provide small pushes. Rachel was acting like Frannie's husband. The thoughts hit her hard to the point that she had to sit down, but she didn't reach for her glass. Looking it over she grabbed it roughly and poured it down the drain.