AN - Thank you everyone. The funeral in AYITL is a problematic fav, I love most of it until Emily asks for stories and then I love the fight scene but purely from watching Lauren and Kelly being amazing in it, but it presents so many issues, not least the Lorelai Emily relationhip reset, and context wise then implies Lorelai hasn't made contact with Emily for 4 months and wasltzed into the house, which I find odd, I refuse to believe Lorelai would leave her vulnerable grieving mother alone for 4 months and also implies that Emily was alone throughout her first holidays without Richard which is just super mean. Also logically speaking other than what Emily said about Lorelai dishonouring him which makes Lorelai say your horrible what Emily says is fairly truthful and not 'that' bad when put in context of Lorelai and Luke then bending over backwards with the wierd surrogacy storyline. I'm sorry but they would have had a conversation about what they wanted from their relationship and I'm fine with them not having kids if that is what they wanted but never talking about it seems so weird, however if you take that maybe Luke and Lorelai tried to have kids but couldn't (meaning we hthen have to ignore the random thats the kid dialogue) what Emily says is super awful because you know Mrs you haven't mentioned Dean for 11 dinners would know they were trying. The surrogacy storyling also makes no sense in relation to Paris, I don't get her career at all, she's a glorified sales rep and I'm pretty sure it's impossible to have those qualifications in 10 years plus have two children, there isn't enough time plus she used to see clients so she's clearly been doing her job a while, maybe she had a time turner, but lets face it if that was the case Paris Geller would be supreme overlord of the planet or the very least President of the USA. Anyway sorry for the ramble there was no fight. This is Emily Gilmore with 10 years of divergence from the canon Emily Gilmore, she's got grandbabies who've softened her around the edges and her relationship with Lorelai is way better then I imagined it was in the show.

I apreciate that you like Nora, the wonderful British lush who got that Hamilton was a thing, before Hamilton was a thing. I so much prefered the DAR ladies from the original series, upper class entitled people yes, but also real, kind and a bit kinky (stud on the ten anyone), much better than the charicature bitches we got in the revival.

I need to make a quick apology I screwed up the timeline in relation to the real world a bit, I had two versions of the chapter with the bit about politics because I wasn't sure in August 2015 where the election had got to so wrote two did some checking and then still posted the wrong one. But Timeline wise we are in September 2015 so Richard never had to face that debacle. So we are now offcially in AYITL timeframe well almost but stuff the show covered, there will be some things that crop up and other things that don't. As said before still dealing with grief stuff through the next two chapters so it's not so happy for a little bit but the mood will pick up. Thank you so much for reading. Hope you enjoy the next chapter, let me know what you think x.

Chapter 21 – Now what?

"Okay," Lorelai clasped her hands and stared at the kitchen table. "We've got, pencils, rulers, erasers, notebook, snazzy pencil case, lunch bag and back pack, times, one, two, three," she forced herself to smile at the kids stood beside her. Trying to get the kids ready for the school year was always tough, made tougher because it was Sam's first day and oh yeah, she had buried her father the day before. She tried to illicit a smile from Kitty but got nowhere. The kids were just as dimmed as she was. She had never experienced anything like this before. Never had to deal with a death of someone who was so majorly important to her. Only Gran and that had been a diabolical whirlwind of stopping her parents wig out. Her father's funeral had been a dignified tornado. One minute he was dying, the next her mother had everything organised and bish, bash, bosh, they were chucking dirt on him; oh and torching many, many bridges in the process. She barely knew how to process it so how could she expect her children to.

The events of the day before were like some hazy dream, none of it felt real, which was good because she really didn't want it to be real. So, when faced with a reality she didn't want to deal with she did what she did best. She ignored it. Focusing on getting the kids ready for school was a good enough distraction. Not that it was a distraction because it actually needed to be sorted. "So that's your backpack," she picked up Sam's dinosaur backpack and held it out to Willow.

"Mommy," Willow rolled her eyes with tween sensibility.

"That's Sam's," Grace piped in. The youngest seemed the least affected by yesterday's happenings, most likely because she didn't seem to fully comprehend what exactly was going on. The child rested her head on the table studying the new school supplies.

"Oh boy, stupid Mommy," Lorelai held the backpack out to its correct owner. "There you go Little Man."

"Do I get stuff?" Grace asked straightening up.

"Spoken like a true Gilmore," Lorelai tweaked Grace's nose. "No Shortcake, this is everyone's things for school. You have new sneakers." Grace inhaled deeply and then shrugged. "So?" Lorelai waggled the backpack in front of Sam. He reluctantly took the bag and stared at it. His little face was stoic, and his demeanour was calm but she could tell that inside, Sam was swirling. He was giving off an energy. Luke did it to. Just before there was a rant about to burst through there was this energy force he gave off. Like before a storm or before the snow fell, she could always tell it was coming. It was something she would need to watch out for. "You want to help me put everything in it?" Lorelai asked.

"OK." he mumbled flatly. He shuffled forward and put his notebook into his backpack.

"Good boy," Lorelai smoothed his hair down. "Come on you two, you're old hat at this," she pushed the twins towards the table.

"Mommy?" Willow asked neatly stacking her pencils and examining the nibs to ensure they were sharp. "Can we call Grandma later?"

Lorelai glanced at the clock on the wall, she had left a message for her Mom three hours ago and she had not yet had a call back. She didn't know the protocol for these things, her memory of the lessons Emily had tried to teach her was lacking on how to handle what to say to the person who had lost her husband of fifty years but clearly, if she had made a call and her Mom had not called back. Emily did not want to be bothered. "Maybe Honeybunch." She tucked Sam's pencils into his pencil case. "When we've got everything ready for tomorrow."

xXx

"Hi Dad."

Luke looked up at April as she walked into the diner. She was wearing too many clothes for the weather, her hair frizzed under an oversized beanie, body lost beneath the biggest cardigan he'd ever seen. She gave him a tepid smile and slid into the spare seat at the counter. "Everything OK at home?" he asked, reaching beneath the counter to pull out his tea selection. She scanned the teas, tapped the green tea but didn't say anything. "Kids OK?" he pushed getting her a mug and turning the water pot on.

"Lorelai's trying to distract them with getting ready for tomorrow," April mumbled after a moment. "I feel kinda guilty like I should be there but I just wanted a little bit of time. I needed to think and I'm not sure what to say. Is there something I should say?" she looked up at him curiously, her eyes laden with sadness.

"No," Luke shook his head, he knew the feeling she was talking about. Lorelai had insisted he open the diner and after her had dropped Rory, Spencer and Gigi at the airport he had done so. Now all he could think about was what he should be doing at home. Lorelai had gone from barely being able to move to running around like a spinning top. He had felt disorientated watching her last night. He knew the feeling well. He'd had it after both of his parent's deaths. The uncertainty of what the hell am I supposed to be doing and then the running to keeping from actually facing with what it meant. Running from the fact that it meant they were actually gone. "We just got to be there. And…" he paused and studied April, unsure if saying what he was about to say was uncalled for. He swallowed "You grieve how you need to. Help when you can but he was your Grandpa too. No one gets dibs on feeling like crap over this. Except for Emily. But if you want to be pissed and cry you do that," he smiled weakly at her, the skin around April's dark eyes had creased in surprise "Just don't because I don't like you crying, any of you crying, but you get it right? He was your Grandpa."

April's shoulders rose to her ears and then slowly descended. "I got a job interview."

Luke blinked, surprised by the change in subject. He used the roiling water clicking off as a chance to collect himself and poured her a cup. "Where?"

"At a non-profit in Hartford, The Fund, it's an environment outreach campaign. It's only 3 months but you know."

"Yeah," Luke nodded uncertainly, not sure what he was supposed to know. "When?"

"Tuesday," April reached for the menu and scanned it. "Dad, can I have cheesy fries?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I'll get you some." He scribbled an order and set it on the pass. "You let me know if you need anything else OK?"

"I will," April nodded, she scanned the menu solemnly and then looked up at him. "Dad?"

"Yeah Apes," Luke rested his forearms on the counter and leant towards her. He knew what she was about to say, could see the unshed tears clouding her eyes. "I love you too," he took her hand and squeezed. "Ok?"

She sniffed, wiped her face with her free hand and then nodded. "Kay."

xXx

Lorelai pushed out of the bed, Luke's side of the bed was neatly made. He'd gone in to the diner for his bread delivery but he had promised that he would be back in time to take the kids into school. She wasn't sure what had woken her, whether it was him leaving or it was the anticipation of the day or if it was something else. She had this feeling like she had had experienced a very fraught dream, like she hadn't slept at all and something was sat on her chest. She placed her hand on her chest and massaged it for no reason than to give herself some time to try and get her brain to work.

It was still too early for the kids to be awake, even on first day of school with all its supposed excitement. The twins were not like Rory in that respect. She glanced at her cellphone, there was an indicator light on, and she lit the screen up. A message from Rory saying good night in response to her own. She replied.

Happy first day of school Babe, have a good one, Mom xoxoxo

Almost as soon as the message sent her phone began to ring and she answered it. "Hey crazy girl, you got those first day of school nerves going on? You know you don't have to be there at 6.30 right?"

"I know," Rory's voice sounded tired. "I didn't get much sleep last night. I kept having weird dreams."

"Me too," Lorelai agreed. "Just as long as your dreaming about Mother Abagail and not the darkman."

"Not quite that level, but super weird, one annoying not so bad one. I kept buying stationary supplies but every time I went to pay, the basket was empty."

"The horror!" Lorelai smiled despite herself, relieved to hear her daughters voice even though they had spoke last night. "and the other was bad?" she asked carefully.

"Yeah, but I'm not really sure what it was, I mean it was us, but no one had any faces."

"No one had any faces?" Lorelai grimaced. "So it was just a pink blob?"

"Yeah, like everyone's head looked like a thumb." Rory sighed heavily. "but it kind of went all the way round, it was super creepy. Randall Flagg may have been better."

"M-O-O-N that spells better." Lorelai adjusted the phone against her ear. "None of us had faces?"

"No," Rory coughed at the other end. "I'm all out of sorts."

"Me too," Lorelai admitted, "and you don't have to brave Stars Hollow Elementary today. I don't want people commenting."

"So you are avoiding Miss Patty and Babette?" Rory's voice rose the slightest.

"They already sent love and casseroles. We have four, and a ham. Plus two pies." Lorelai picked at the comforter. "That's one good thing I guess, banoffee pie." There was a pause at the other end, Lorelai could hear Rory think 'I'd rather have grandpa'. She cleared her throat. "So, has the plane flu turned into anything?" Rory last night had been complaining of a sore throat, she thought had been caused by an over exuberant air conditioning vent on the plane ride home.

"Looks like we're clear from Captain Trips," Rory went quiet again. "Mom I feel like pudding?"

"For breakfast?" Lorelai frowned not understanding what Rory was saying.

"No, like I'm made from pudding," Rory cleared her throat. "You know not solid but solid, wobbly. Not really anything. I should be so upset I should be inconsolable but I just feel...I feel like pudding."

Lorelai inhaled deeply. "I feel like that too. I think it's shock. I don't think I've processed it even though there was that big old party where we…where we buried him. There is no right or wrong way to do this."

"Yeah," Rory whispered, there was a rumpling sound at the other end of the line. "Sorry Babe. Mom give me a second."

"You wake up Spencer?"

"Yeah," Rory answered with the sound of a door closing. "I got a card from Christopher, I guess he heard. It just said Dear Rory, I'm sorry for your loss, Christopher and Marianne."

"Marianne? so he's moved on again huh?" Lorelai scowled. She pushed the ill will towards Christopher down, he could have very easily just ignored her Dad's death but he had sent something to Rory, it was the barest of something's but it was something, "I guess mine got lost in the mail."

"Maybe you'll get it today," Rory tried to console. "I shouldn't have brought it up."

"No, it's OK," Lorelai wiped her hand over her face. "What time did you want me to give the kids their presents, before or after school?" Rory had arrived for the funeral the same time as a package she had sent containing some small gifts for the kids. The box sat in laundry room where the kids never went awaiting handout.

"Before."

"Done," Lorelai nodded, she looked towards the bedroom door. Downstairs she could hear the front door open, Luke coming home, which meant proper morning was fast approaching and the new school chaos was about to begin. "Luke's home Babe. I need to get things ready."

"Ok."

"I'll call you later," Lorelai assured her, "and pudding is fine for now, OK, don't feel bad about pudding."

"OK."

"I love you Kid."

"Love you too Mom, hope first days go well."

"Thanks Babe," Lorelai ended the call and set it back on her nightstand. She didn't need it for what she had to do next. Downstairs she could hear Luke getting breakfast ready, being purposefully noisy to try and wake the kids gently. They still had half an hour before they had to get up, but if he started the process now they would be moving at a suitable speed to get them up and out the house in time for school. She grabbed her robe and slipping it on made her way out the bedroom and across to the staircase. As she went to descend, movement caught her eye and she paused. Slowly Sam's little face appeared from around his doorframe. She smiled at him and held out her hand. With the slow plod of an inmate on the way to the gulag, the little boy trudged over to her and instantly raised his arms. She pulled him into hers, settling him on her hip. He cuddled into her and she pressed a kiss against his temple. "Morning Beautiful Boy."

He mumbled something wetly into her shoulder. Lorelai squeezed him a bit tighter. "Shall we have cuddles before breakfast," his head moved up and down in a kind of nod. "Ok," she turned away from the stairs and crossed to his room. When she entered she paused, his floor was covered with all his dinosaur toys, different types of dinosaurs in family groups, looking like he had planned out some kind of epic story. "Did you get some sleep, Little Man?" Guiltily Sam lifted his head from her shoulder and then just as guiltily shook his head "Why not?"

"I had bad dreams," Sam gave a little shudder and then snuggled back into her, mumbling something inaudible into her shoulder once more.

Wordlessly Lorelai crossed to his bed and sank into it. With Sam's help they pulled the covers over their heads and clung to each other tightly, only moving when Grace snuck under the cover to join them.

xXx

"Alright children,"

Sam looked towards the lady at the front of the room. He shuffled in his seat, a little plastic chair like they had at home in the toyroom. There were lots of kids in the room, some of them he recognised but most of them he didn't. It was loud and there was too much to look at. He just wanted to go home where it was quiet. He wanted to go back into bed with Mommy, he'd liked that, even when Grace came in. He'd liked breakfast too. Daddy had made him a diplodocus pancake with blueberries and Rory had sent him a pencil case shaped like a triceratops. It was way better than the blue pencil case Mommy had got him.

The lady at the front of the room clapped her hands to get everyone's attention. She had tried to talk before, but all these other kids were too excited about the new toys and the new kids. It was all too much. Sam slid down his uncomfortable chair and folded his arms, he wanted to go home and play with Mommy. At home Mommy would make him feel better and he could read his dinosaur book. Being in a room with lots of shouty children was just silly. He looked up as the other lady, came over to him. With a soft smile she gave him a red apple sticker. Sam stared at the sticker in surprise. What did this mean? He looked up at her in confusion.

"OK children," the lady at the front called out again. She had a sing song voice but she sounded mad. "If Mrs Bay has given you an apple sticker can you stand up." Slowly Sam stood up clutching his confusing sticker. Some other children stood up. "Ok," the lady at the front smiled at them. "You are our apple class. If you are sitting down you are in orange class. Apple class are going to go into their classroom, so if you are standing up go pick up your backpacks and then follow Mrs Bay."

Sam did as he was told taking his backpack from the floor where he had been told to put it earlier and walked towards the lady who had given him the sticker.

"Ok Apples," the lady smiled at them. "Let's go to the apple classroom." She opened the door and ushered them through.

"It's coz we can read," a tiny girl wearing glasses stood next to Sam told him knowledgeably.

"Course I can read," Sam frowned at her. The little girl peered at him through her thick lenses and he held her gaze. She was wearing too much pink, and her backpack had lots of sparkles on it. "My sister would like that," he pointed at her bag. "She likes pink."

"I like pink," the little girl fiddled with the pink strap on her bag. "and fairies and unicorns."

"I like dinosaurs," Sam told her.

The little girl frowned. "I don't know what them is," they filed into a new classroom, similar to the other classroom but with desks where the chairs had been. "That's me," she pointed at a sign on one of the desks. H. "You say it Kay-Lee. Where's you?"

Sam scanned the desks and near the front spotted a name sign that read Sam. "There."

"SAM," she sounded out. "That's easy," she gave him a small smile. "Hi Sam."

"Hi." Sam mumbled. "Kay Lee."

xXx

"Hi Mr Danes," Luke turned and gave a faint smile at Lulu. The young woman stood behind the counter with that oh so pleasant smile she always wore.

"Hey Lulu. There's a table free if you're waiting for Kirk," he pointed at the only free table in the diner. The diner had been busy today, lots of Mom's seemingly rejoicing their freedom. Now it was filled with high school kids, all lamenting their first day back and one upping each other of being chewed out over their homework.

"Oh, I'm not waiting for him. He's doing something with Taylor," Lulu's smile reached peak pleasantness, verging on false and Luke paused in restocking the sweet'n'lo. "I just wanted to talk to you about the children. I was hoping to catch Lorelai earlier, but the school pick up point was pretty crazy."

"Everything OK?" Luke asked warily, looking her up and down.

"Oh yes, just in relation to their grandfather's passing. The twins were subdued today and I don't know Sam very well but Mrs Bay thought he seemed a little down, more than first day overwhelm. Obviously, I know it's all really fresh," Lulu fumbled with her tote bag. "I don't know if you are aware but I'm in charge of the pastoral team. We manage all kinds of issues and how the children respond to them. Lorelai said that the children saw her father collapse?"

"Yeah," Luke gritted his teeth. The kids had seen all of it, Berta and Alejandro too busy in the futile attempt to save Richard, Emily too beside herself to think rationally enough to get them away from what was going on. None of them had spoken about that yet. The blur of the last week hadn't given anyone a chance to process and while he knew that at some point the kids may bring it up, the fact that he had not been able to protect his children from that hurt him. He frowned as Lulu handed him a stack of pamphlets. "What are these?"

"These are the school board approved literature on communicating grief and traumatic incidents with children, there are different ones for the different age groups" she explained with a smile before rifling back in her bag. "I also got this out." She held out a book. "This one is actually really good. More useful than the pamphlets. I took it out under Kitty's name. I know how Willow likes to maximise her allowance. But it has some useful tips," Lulu smiled again, "and if you want any advice the pastoral office is always open to help in any way we can."

"Thanks Lulu," Luke tapped the pamphlets into a neat stack and tucked them beneath the register.

"No problem. On a personal note, if Kirk and I can be of any help to you, please let us know."

"We're good, thanks." Luke smile gratefully but apprehensively, "we'll let you know."

"Great," Lulu's smile widened to it's maximum. "Well goodbye Luke."

"Bye Lulu," he smiled weakly at her and then glanced down at the book. A self help book for children about how to talk about trauma. He opened the book and then closed it again. He placed his fists against the counter and tensed. This was not something he wanted to talk to his kids about. Not something he'd ever wanted to talk to them about.

"Luke, go home," Arielle's voice very quietly reached him. "I got this. If I need help I'll call Malc in. Go."

He turned his head and looked at the young woman. She wore that wise beyond my years look, and he knew there was no point in arguing. Silently he collected his wallet and cell, placed them onto of the book and without another word slipped out of the diner. Outside the town seemed to press in around him, for some reason everyone out on the street at the same time. He put his head down and darted towards the truck, getting there before anyone could call out to him, offer their condolences or some kind of food. Successful in making sure he was avoided, he quickly shoved the truck in gear and powered out of the space. For once he ignored the speed limit, instead driving at nearly thirty to get home in what seemed like moments. He ran up the porch steps and pushed into the house. Instantly he regretted it, Lorelai and the kids jumping in surprise from their position at the kitchen table. He smiled apologetically. "Hi."

"Hi," Lorelai's brow knitted together. "I didn't know you were coming home."

"Yeah, No…"he scratched behind his ear. "I figured the kids would have first day homework, I know how you struggle with wrapping."

"She's not that bad Daddy," Kitty held up her textbook, wrapped in brown paper which she was in the middle of colouring.

"Thank you Kit Kat," Lorelai gave him a bemused look. "I'm fine when things are square. It's when it's froofy shapes, I get all mix about."

"Yeah," Luke mumbled and walked over. He pulled out his chair and positioned it next to Willow. "I just wanted to come and help," he took one of Willow's books. "You know. Be with you guys."

xXx

Lorelai stared at her cell phone in annoyance and then placed it on her bedside table. She had tried calling her Mom multiple times and Emily had still not yet called her back. It was two days since she had spoken to her. She had spoken with Berta who had assured her that Emily was ok. Or at least that was what she thought Berta had said. Communication with her parent's maid…no her mother's maid, was best done in person, where Berta's failings in English and Lorelai's failings in whatever language Berta spoke could be made up for by pointing and gestures. Over the phone it just meant a lot of uneasy pauses.

"She'll call you," Luke whispered beside her.

She looked at him, he was reading a book, unusual for Luke and he was squinting to read it. "You need to get your eyes tested."

"It's fine."

She smiled, his ears had turned red at the tips, tenderly she touched them, "you want to borrow mine."

"Nah," he shut the book and quickly deposited on his nightstand. He was silent for a moment, perhaps pushing his embarrassment down and then he offered her an easy smile. "She will call you."

"I know but she's probably expecting me to go round there and…" she stopped as Luke leaned forward, doing his kiss silency thing that he employed when he didn't like what she was saying. She allowed him to do so, relishing the feeling of his lips on hers. "She expects it," she whispered when their kiss finished.

"I've heard you say, 'let me know when is good for you'," Luke reasoned. "You are respecting her wishes. Right now, she wants to be alone, we respect that."

"Until when?" Lorelai shook her head, she understood her Mom wanting some along time, but if it was her, if it was Luke that had died she wasn't sure that she would ever want company.

"Until Friday Night Dinner, when we show on schedule as usual. She can have alone time during the week, but two to three hours every Friday she is going to get grandkids," Luke nodded determinedly. "We need to keep the routine for the kids, and make sure they are OK with being in the house. Plus it forces your Mom to socialise…"

"And who better to socialise with then our four monsters," Lorelai sighed, she snuggled down into the bed and curled into him. She traced her finger along his chest, catching the fabric on a snag on her nail. She frown and pulled her hands to study it. There was the slightest chip on her middle finger. "Maybe you're right. I just feel like I should be doing things. Like I don't know, take her out for a manicure."

"Have you ever gone for a manicure with your Mom?"

"No," Lorelai shuddered, "well once, she hated the polish colour I chose."

"So you never did it again," Luke rolled his eyes.

"Well I got pregnant with Rory right after that so she was more about locking me in my tower," she frowned, and then swallowed. "That's unfair. She never actually locked me in, just you know appearances. She was all about appearances. I mean she was, now just like that, I love the smell of napalm in the morning, get the hell out of my house," she closed her eyes remembering the absolutely mind-blowing sight of her Mom stood yelling at her supposed friends, kicking them out of her house. "She's not…"

"Of course she isn't," Luke cut her off, his hand found it's way to her thigh and he squeezed her leg tenderly. "Of course she's not OK, and anyone of those people who say they are her friends will cut her the slack she deserves. The rest aren't worth worrying about," he squeezed her leg again. "Come here," he pulled her tighter into him. "Do you want to talk?"

"I don't know what to say," Lorelai admitted. "Rory said she felt like pudding and I agree. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. It doesn't seem real. None of it," she nestled into him as tightly as she could, threading her leg over and under his so they were knotted together. "It's like because I didn't get to say goodbye it's not real."

"Even when you get to say goodbye it doesn't seem real," Luke told her softly, his hand gently stroking her back. "I'm thirty-five years on from my Mum and twenty for my Dad and it doesn't seem real for either of them."

"I just can't wrap my head around it," Lorelai bit her lip, her voice breaking. "How is he gone? How can he be gone?" she pressed her face into Luke's chest. "I never said I was sorry, for everything I put him through."

"No," Luke coaxed her face away from his chest, his thick coarse fingers cupping her face. "You didn't need to say sorry to him. He never wanted that. You gave him what he wanted. You gave him his family. That is all he wanted," he pulled her back into his chest and she clung to him tightly. "You gave him everything he ever wanted Lorelai. He was so proud of you. He loved you so much," his arms tightened again and she began to sob. The pudding was gone, replaced with a waterfall.