Exhilaration
By Miss Kagura
Chapter Twenty-One — Impression
Sesshoumaru clawed up the scroll the boy carried and stood on the dock, staring at the one that carried it. His eyes narrowed in suspicion, which was only fueled by the way Sun withered under his scrutiny. He was no fool; Abi sent the boy over for 'training,' which Sesshoumaru could see right through. The whole situation smelled rotten, since he knew quite well Abi knew how to handle and train male youkai. There was some hidden reason she had shipped this boy to work closely under him and he was well aware, even if he didn't know what that reason was.
"Are you here because you're in danger?" he asked.
"N-No," Sun replied.
Amber slits stared holes through the nervous boy. "You are anxious. Did Abi send you here because you did something stupid?"
Sun's eyes widened. "More or less," he replied, praying his answer would suffice the taiyoukai. His eyes fell to Bakusaiga, and Sun could feel the lethal aura that swirled at Sesshoumaru's side. That would be his fate, he knew, if he didn't find some way to prove to Sesshoumaru that he was worthy of his little Rin.
"Do I want to know what is so bad it warrants being shipped out of the country?" he asked.
"I'm very sure you don't," Sun stammered.
Sun felt panic rise up in him. What if Sesshoumaru asked? He was sure Sesshoumaru could probably smell a lie, and dishonesty would only make the taiyoukai more suspicious of him. The anxiety subsided when Sesshoumaru turned and walked away, and Sun slowly followed him.
Both were completely unaware of the fact that their respective trains of thought were headed to the same train station to meet a lovely girl who they were both worried about. Thinking about Rin was, of course, better than conversing with strangers, so they traveled in comfortable silence until Sun's train derailed and the smell of arousal rose in the air. He tried his best to temper the desire because it felt so wrong to feel that way in front of her father.
Sesshoumaru turned, and all rational thought seized.
"You're here because you did something stupid…with a girl," Sesshoumaru said, making the obvious connection between the scent in the air and the nervous boy. His curiosity kicked in at this point, since there was any number of women that a prince should most definitely not be keeping company with. He himself had been a spoiled prince in his youth and made his fair share of idiotic decisions. Or maybe it wasn't a woman at all? The scandal of a homosexual relationship could be as fiery as anything. "What exactly did you do?"
'Your daughter.' Sun thought. "I marked a human," he said, shielding himself from the taiyoukai's wrath in a blanket of ambiguity.
Sesshoumaru arched his brows, and then shrugged. "Is China sympathetic to such relations?"
"No," he replied.
Sun's grandfather had agreed to this arrangement for one reason, and that was to show him how to be 'great and terrible' like the legendary Inu Taiyoukai. Listening to the old patriarch growl on about how mighty and worthy of fear Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha were really did nothing to soothe the boy's nerves. Sun had the capability to become the strongest member of his family, but nobody had any faith in him because of his emotional weakness.
He hung his head as he remembered dropping to his knees to hold his dead best friend in the middle of a battle.
He wondered what it would take to prove to Sesshoumaru he was worthy of Rin. He would have to prove that weakness wasn't there, and that he could kill without hesitation. Mercy was a sign of weakness. Compassion was a sign of weakness. Affection was the worst, so he would pretend to be mighty so that the taiyoukai would understand he was capable of protecting Rin.
Sun squared his shoulders, stood up straight, and walked with an arrogant gait behind Sesshoumaru.
After brief introductions, Sesshoumaru sent Kouga and Sun in opposite directions to patrol the area around their camp. There wasn't any danger, which both he and Inuyasha were well aware of, but there's only so much of Kouga a person can take at once.
"There's something weird about that kid," Inuyasha commented.
Sesshoumaru sighed. "He seems like an imbecile."
He tried to ignore the strange tug in his stomach. It was bordering on painful, and he suspected it was due to his mate's pregnancy. Hanyou pregnancies were rough, and many women didn't make it through the delivery without having serious problems at some point. She was far enough along that the pup was quite capable of kicking her very hard in organs that weren't meant to be used to take hard blows.
"She'll be okay," Inuyasha said. He wasn't sure if Sesshoumaru was thinking about his depressed daughter or pregnant mate, but either way the comment applied.
Sesshoumaru was afraid of the potential effects of the distance. He was worried to death about Kagome, and with each day that passed, he became increasingly apprehensive that something bad would happen, or she'd be in a lot of pain, and he wouldn't be there. They had already spent too much time apart since their first coupling. The fact that their relationship hadn't crumbled from the separation, stress, and varying levels of anguish really showed how much strength both of them had.
He knew Inuyasha had been just as nervous, but Inuyasha was not quite as good as handling the anxiety. In the days before Katsu was born, Inuyasha had spent the majority of his time pacing, worrying, thinking, and hunting, as if he felt like he was doing a bad job if he was doing anything other than getting the world (and himself) ready for the pup. Then, when Abi had finally gone into labor, he watched as Inuyasha had what could best be described as an orgasm of fretfulness. His worry seemed to peak, and then he became calm just before all his fears came crashing down on him.
There was a fear that they shared that made even Sesshoumaru somewhat afraid of parenting. They had both come to understand that their father had done the best he could, and that he loved them. He had gone so far as to give his life for his sons, but that dedication and desire to protect did not make him a good father. Touga nearly wrecked his son's lives in the name of teaching them. That is what neither Sesshoumaru nor Inuyasha could stop fearing.
Love alone didn't make someone a good parent, nor did it seem that a person could be a good parent without it.
Sesshoumaru already knew he had failed Rin on a vast number of levels when it came to being her father. The first and most obvious offenses nearly made him feel ashamed. He made her get her own food, and even if he always made sure they were near a good source of food when he did it, he knew a good father would have taken better care of her by bringing her food.
He also got failing marks for emotional detachment, rudeness, and leaving her for long periods of time without explaining why.
The fact that she had died three times since he had known her made him feel like a complete failure as a protector. Her depression he blamed on himself, since he was the one who failed to prevent her death, and he was unable to aid her as she struggled against the darkness in her soul. There was a time when he had been the one who could fix her, and the fact he couldn't anymore made him strongly consider that perhaps Rin trusted him less. Sesshoumaru was well aware that Rin was searching for something she hadn't found in him, and for being incapable of even identifying what it was that he lacked, he felt awful.
He and Inuyasha leapt to their feet as a sound reached them. It was the roar of the Wind Scar, which made no sense to either of them, since Tessaiga rested quietly at Inuyasha's side.
In the forest not far away, Sun panted in nervous torment. The bear youkai stared at him with wide, pleading eyes as he glanced at the crevice left by the Wind Scar attack he had only narrowly missed. The cat held glowing claws up and ignored his conscience. He couldn't hesitate. That was a sign of weakness!
Sun hissed. He would prove he wasn't weak or compassionate or merciful. He was strong, and he would prove that to Sesshoumaru.
Ryokon, the guardian of the forest, crumbled to the ground, sobbing and begging for mercy. "Please! I mean no one any harm!"
"No mercy!" Sun growled. His hand wouldn't obey as he tried to strike the youkai down for moving in on the camp. If he didn't, Sesshoumaru would think he was an incompetent protector.
Ryokon's pleas fell on ears that wished they were deaf to his voice. Sun closed his eyes and tried to tune him out. He was a taiyoukai; he couldn't hesitate, he couldn't be weak, and he could not show mercy to this lower creature that had come so close to their camp.
His shaking claw stilled as Inuyasha's hand wrapped around his forearm and brought it down. "He's harmless. Let him go," Inuyasha said.
Sun let his arms hang limp at his side as Inuyasha helped the sobbing youkai up off his knees.
"C'mon, Big Guy. Get up, you big baby," Inuyasha said to Ryokon.
The younger youkai watched in confusion. This was not behavior he had ever seen from another taiyoukai, or any other powerful youkai. "You would show him clemency?" Sun asked.
"Well, yeah. Why not?" Inuyasha replied.
"Mercy is a sign of weakness," Sun recited as his eyes slowly met Sesshoumaru's.
The older taiyoukai tilted his head in a combination of disappointment and curiosity. "Mercy is product of a compassionate heart. Is that why you strike with a hesitant hand?"
"No! I am not weak! I feel no compassion for my enemies," Sun argued.
"Then you are a fool," Sesshoumaru replied as he turned and walked away. "Go back to camp and try not to kill anything."
Sun chewed into his bottom lip and ran back, totally confused by the behavior he'd seen and the reaction he got.
He heard the clumsy thumping of Ryokon's frightened sprint, and turned as the youkai fell at his feet. "Young master, do you think you could show as much kindness to the forest?"
"I don't understand," Sun said.
Ryokon pointed to the trees he had upturned and destroyed with his Wind Scar. "Those trees did not spend so many years growing because they longed to be knocked down by your hand." He nervously bowed and then added, "…my Lord."
Sun looked up to Sesshoumaru, and realized he had no idea how to please him. So, since he didn't believe he could disappoint Sesshoumaru any more than he already had, he responded the way he would if he and Ryokon were alone. "Of course," he said.
This, at least, gained no comment from anyone, so Sun slumped down and went back to camp.
"You're right, he is kinda dumb," Inuyasha said.
Sesshoumaru's nose turned up. "That scent!"
Naraku's vile scent tainted the wind just slightly, and they tore after it. Both silently chanted the truth they knew; Naraku was dead. He couldn't come back. That era of their lives was over. There was a red streak and a white streak moving between trees too fast for most youkai eyes.
"Byakuya!" Sesshoumaru said as he spotted a paper crane.
It swooped down onto the ground, and Byakuya stared at them strangely for a moment. He made no move to fight, no move to expose his intentions. He stared down Bakusaiga and Tessaiga, and then looked up to Sesshoumaru. "Long time, no see," Byakuya said.
"What do you want?" Inuyasha shouted.
There was a flash of light, a sharp bang, and the complete deadening of the senses as Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru were sucked into one of Byakuya's illusory worlds. There was nothing to see, nothing to smell, and nothing to hear. Sesshoumaru opened his eyes to bland, indescribably white nothingness. He wasn't aware that there was anyone else there other than the unexplainable awareness of his little brother's person.
It wasn't a sense. He didn't see it, or hear it, or feel it. He just knew where Inuyasha was, so he closed his eyes. They weren't serving him at all anyway. Sesshoumaru wasn't even sure he was correct about his suspicion, until he backed up closer to where he though Inuyasha should have been and felt Tenseiga reverberate, protesting proximity to its counterpart, the So'unga.
Likewise, Inuyasha was in an equally blank world, totally incapable of sensing anything other than a feeling similar to the one they he had while fighting his way out of Hell. He felt the So'unga stir, and slowly unsheathed it. He hated using it, and had only handled it a few times since retrieving it from Hell.
Like Tenseiga, So'unga was otherworldly, thus the two swords could wound each other with no small amount of collateral damage. With that in mind, Inuyasha touched his sword, and was unsurprised to hear it cling against metal he could not see. Sesshoumaru was left-handed, and Inuyasha was right, so if they stood back-to-back and stood in the same stance — Sesshoumaru's 'Tenseiga is telling me to do something and I don't know what pose — their swords grated against each other.
Sesshoumaru was amazed; not very many people ever knew what it was like to have such profound knowledge of someone else's behavior. Neither would have openly admitted it, but very few things helped them understand each other as well as being enemies did. There were things about foes that people learned that a friend might not even notice. The way Sesshoumaru stands when his sword confuses him, the frustrated skittering slide of Inuyasha's hand just before he recoils to strike with his sword, and the way Sesshoumaru always turned right from fighting without his left arm were things a friend would never know.
A right turn, the nervous slide of Inuyasha's blade…
Byabuka watched as his illusion started to unravel, torn apart from some sort of friction that shouldn't have existed. Even he knew better than to give them something to attack. Did that mean they were attacking each other?
"Hurry!" Byakuya growled.
Hoshi leapt backwards, only narrowly missing the searing youki thrown his way. He landed in front of the peculiar white mist that separated Byakuya's illusion from the rest of the world. He growled at Sun, who had been drawn to the completely unfamiliar smell of Naraku. "Do it again and you'll kill them both."
"You'll kill them if I don't!" he said.
"Well, what are you gonna do? Make up your mind, Kid," Byakuya asked.
The boy felt his stomach turn as he tried to figure out what the correct course of action was. This was, at the very least, an obvious and nearly successful assassination attempt. He wondered if killing the illusionist would leave the Inu trapped in the illusion, or if they could actually be hurt while trapped in the delusion.
It was feline instinct to kill the easiest target, and Sun gave into it, staking his faith in the two taiyoukai fighting their way out of his magic. His claws punctured and ripped through flesh, perfectly sweeping Byakuya's neck from between his head and the rest of his body. His segmented corpse fell to the ground.
Inside of the mist, where Inuyasha was 'battling' his brother's invisible sword, the brothers had made no progress in escaping, so Inuyasha did what he and Sesshoumaru always did. They increased the measures of stubborn and powerful and forced the laws of nature to bend to their obstinate will.
He stepped back, and Sesshoumaru saw two purples dragons appear out of nowhere. He couldn't see the sword, or Inuyasha, but the twin dragons told him well enough about what was about to happen.
"Dragon Twister!" Inuyasha yelled to warn all of the people who couldn't hear him anyway.
Sesshoumaru used Tenseiga to defend himself as the Dragon Twisted sucked up the white mist, and destroyed the illusion Byakuya had trapped them in. It then went on to tear a path of complete destruction through the forest throwing trees and rocks and dirt in all directions.
When the youki tornado finally calmed down and the dust started to settle, Sesshoumaru twitched his nose. "Hoshi was here," he said.
"He ran off. I think you scared him," Sun sputtered from the top of a tree.
"He's not the only one we scared. You can come down now," Inuyasha said.
"I'm comfortable up here," he nervously replied as he added what he had just seen to the increasingly lengthy list of reasons Sesshoumaru frightened him. He didn't know where the Dragon Twister had come from, but it was one of the scariest things he had ever seen.
Inuyasha pointed out a chunk of Byakuya's neck. "Apparently, you can kill when it's necessary."
"Of course I can!" Sun defensively said.
Sesshoumaru sighed. He was relieved that no one else was present to witness what would have been a self-made joke. It's not every day that dog youkai chase cat youkai into tree tops, after all. "What made kept you from returning to camp?"
"That thing smelled disgusting. It smelled like a spider demon rolled in a mountain of other corpses," Sun said as he made his way down with none of the ease one would expect from a cat youkai.
"And that is the condensed version of the story," Sesshoumaru replied.
Hoshi's blood was on the air, wounded either by close proximity to the Dragon Twister or scrapping with Sun. He couldn't hide himself quite so easily, giving them the perfect opportunity. "Go back to camp, Sun. We will give chase," he said.
Camp was…interesting. It was like nothing Sun had ever seen. A hanyou offered to tend to minor cuts he had gotten, youkai and humans chattered cordially as if that was just the way the world was. Sun had fought in a youkai war before, and it had been so different. Night time around the campfire was when whores and sake were slung around carelessly, not where people settled down and talked.
Not only were Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha surprisingly decent, their allies were as well. Just from sitting around and listening, Sun could hear that many of their most ardent friends had been enemies at some point.
It was contrary to everything he had been taught about the behavior of taiyoukai. He was supposed to be cold, merciless, arrogant, and perfect. He wasn't supposed to mingle with lesser creatures. Because of his hesitant hand, Sun had been ridiculed and criticized, but that was the first and only thing that seemed to have impressed Sesshoumaru.
Sun smacked his head against a tree, realizing Sesshoumaru probably would have liked him better if he hadn't been trying so hard to prove he was something he definitely wasn't.
"I am such an idiot," he groaned.
China
Kagome looked out the window at the moon, wishing the one bearing its mark wasn't so far away. She was having one of those nights where the frustration was building so she felt overwhelmed. Her body was worn out, exhausted to the point she was afraid she might pass out where it not for the sharp pains that shot through her tummy every now and then.
All she wanted was to sleep, but it was starting to seem impossible. She whimpered in agonized frustration, "Is it supposed to be like this?"
"I didn't really pay attention to Izayoi, but I know she whined all the time and made ridiculous demands of Touga. 'It hurts,' 'calm my baby down,' all that," Abi replied.
"Touga could calm Inuyasha down before he was born?" Kagome asked.
"It's an Inu thing," Abi said.
Rin said, "Maybe Katsu could help. You know, like if you put five puppies in a huge box they all end up in a tiny little pile sleeping together."
Kagome reached for the adorable ball of fluff curled up on the bed, and picked Katsu up. As adorable as he was in the form of a baby, his true form was so much cuter to her. The pup had transformed after coughing a few times, and had spent the entire day sleeping and clumsily crawling around with closed eyes. He made the tiniest whine as he woke up, upset to be removed from the warm spot where he had been sleeping. Katsu sniffed Kagome's belly, and curled up next to her.
"What if I accidentally roll on him?" Kagome asked. "I might smother him."
"He is a baby taiyoukai. His lungs are already stronger now than yours will ever be," Abi pointed out.
She smirked and relaxed as the movement inside of her stilled. "It's amazing that they can have such strong senses. I bet if we let them have lots of time to bond they can get along when they grow up."
"Preferably without the centuries of attacking each other. I'm getting old to deal with the fervent feuding of young pups," Abi added.
"I only had to deal with it for a few years and I've had enough!" Kagome said.
Sleep quickly claimed her exhausted body, and she slipped into a world free from the physical and emotional stresses brought by pregnancy. It was no easy task, no glorified state of glamour. Her body ached, she had gas a lot, and the effect of the hormones were exacerbated by preexisting fears of motherhood. Parenting was scary, and the closer she got to the birth of her child, the most frightened she became.
Rin watched Kagome curled up with Katsu, taking the moment to appreciate how unbelievably close their little family was. Their bonds had been tried by more than fire and worse than death, and the closeness extended to more than just the cuples. Kagome and Inuyasha had practically grown up together, chasing after Naraku. Abi and Sesshoumaru had a comfortable but ultimately bizarre bond that nearly bordered on maternal at times. Everyone wanted to be a part of a family like this — one that was unbreakable by the stress of life.
"Abi, would you help me?" Rin asked.
Abi stretched and nodded. "Sure. What do you need?"
"I just want to talk, I think," Rin said.
They went into the next room and Rin sat on the floor. Abi did the same and glanced sideways. "I'm not really one for heartfelt talks. That's Kagome's area of specialty," Abi said. "I can teach you to kill things."
Rin let her kimono fall down to her waist, and turned so her shoulder faced the cat. The mark on her back was a deep shade of red, as if it was fresh. "My mark has felt warm all day. Tingly. What does that mean?" she asked.
"It means your mate has been thinking about you. A lot. More than is probably healthy," Abi replied.
"I want this to work. I want to be happy, and I want to be with him," Rin said.
Abi slumped down. Wasn't this type of conversation Kagome's problem? At the very least, she would have liked to be able to shove the painfully awkward moment into Sesshoumaru's lap so that he could suffer through it instead of her. "Rin, there is a really good reason I spent almost two hundred years living in the forest alone," she finally replied.
"What reason?" she asked.
"Damned if I know," Abi replied. "I have no answers for you. Ask Kagome. She's much better with feelings and the like."
Rin gritted her teeth. "No! I don't want Kagome. You taught everyone to do something. You taught Sesshoumaru and Kagome to fight, and you taught Inuyasha how to be really, really be in love. I want you to teach me everything you know about cat youkai and relationships and…and…sex. You have much, much more experience than Kagome."
And so, like every other girl that had lived before Rin, she reached that point where she wanted to shed the sunny kimono and whimsical hair style to unveil the young woman underneath. The questions that had puzzled her as a child had resolved themselves to reveal a completely new set of mysteries. At the same time, so many of those questions only made her doubt herself.
Rin had wandered through a labyrinth of darkness and doubt since she had been brought back from the dead. She had wondered if she would find a place in the world. Now, she was afraid she would lose that place because she still wore the remnants of her childhood both inside and out. She wanted Sun more than she had wanted anything in her life, and with the primal connection they shared came a fear that she would fail him.
Rin finally understood how to escape from the labyrinth, from the darkness she had been lost in. She had been trying to go back to the beginning, to the way she was, but there was no going back. With no plan for the future, she had been wandering around, feeling lost and frightened, but now she knew what she wanted. She wanted that light that had penetrated her very soul.
She was sure there was wisdom about men that she should know from her mother, but Rin had been so young when her mother died that knowledge hadn't been passed on. The only other females Rin was close to didn't really seem like mother figures. Kagome, in truth, wasn't even a decade older than Rin and didn't seem to have all the answers when it came to anything, a sign she too was going through a growth phase. Plus, she had all of her own stress to deal with.
"The first time I saw Sesshoumaru, I knew we were connected. It's the same way with Sun," Rin said.
"Do you have any idea how much work it takes to love a taiyoukai?" Abi asked.
"I stayed with Sesshoumaru, even when he didn't bother to look at me, and would leave me alone with Jaken for days without explanation. Everyone said I was crazy, that I was a stupid little girl for following him without question. I would do that for Sun, but I already know he won't ignore me," Rin said.
"Obviously," Abi replied.
"So you'll help me? I want to know everything about cat youkai and whatever else will help," Rin eagerly said.
Abi sighed and nodded, thankful she had a child. That fact would hopefully dissuade Sesshoumaru from killing her when he inevitably found out about everything.
Please review!
Chapter Twenty-Two — Reasons Why
Sesshoumaru finds himself giving advice to Sun about the human girl he marked, totally unaware that it's Rin that they're talking about.
Special thanks to gettogoth, musicallady1, Chetari, TheMikoShivae, no life king, Cookie Defender, toni, LadySafire, TAJE, Gren de la Cruz, juusan'ya, Noacat, sayuri-girl, flirymiyu, ladyofGods, lady555, elvenarcher516, Tajia, BurningRoses123, Jegar Sahaduta, Sugar0o, Britt-sempai, Kagome357, Arodwen, kittyb78, trinity3000, llebreknit, Amadoni, and j.j. Ryan.
Author's Note: My reviews are so awesome. I have a lot of mixed responses to the last chapter, and I'd like to thank you all for taking to time to chime in on such a controversial issue. I hope you enjoy this chappie.