Chapter 21

We have dinner as this artsy pizzeria in Hightown.

We order a margarita pizza and ricotta cheese ravioli.

We drink red wine and cranberry juice.

I learn that his favourite dessert is dark chocolate soufflé.

I learn that his favourite city is Starkhaven because of all the history and architecture. He's really into that sort of thing. Which is great, because I am too.

I learn that he loves watching movies in foreign languages, especially Orlesian ones. I like to think that's because they're the most romantic. He has a thing for foreign languages. Apart from English, he speaks Tevene fluently (which is practically his mother tongue) and the Orlesian he picked up from his time in Orlais is almost flawless.

I learn that he can't swim and that he likes apples.

I learn that his favourite musical genre is classical music, that he is a huge Michael Jackson fan, and that he cannot, absolutely cannot, stand fish and mussels, but doesn't mind other seafood.

I also learn that he absolutely adores the cinema.

"I've never been to the movies in all of my time with Danarius," he explains after swallowing a mouthful of ravioli, "I had no idea what the cinema even was. The first time I went to it was during my second week in Orlais. It was an Orlesian movie, naturally; 'Bienvenue'. There were no subtitles, no nothing, just this foreign and incredibly beautiful language playing in my ears. I'd heard the Orlesian dialect before. Danarius had quite a few Orlesian officials as guests, so I picked up on some of the words from exposure over the years, but nowhere near enough to understand what was being said in the film," he takes a sip of wine and sets his fork down, resting his chin on his interlocked fingers, "What really struck me is the sense of privacy you get when you're in that dark theatre. Even with people flanking either side of you, you're truly alone in there, with no one to bother you or watch you. Just you, the darkness, the film and your thoughts. It's this incredible form of escapism. You're in your own world in that singular seat. I loved that. I really did. Started a cinema addiction that I still struggle with to this day," he grins.

"I know exactly what you mean," I smile, involuntarily leaning in closer to him, breathing in the wine from his breath, "Whenever I used to have an argument with my family and felt like I really needed to get out of the house and escape, I'd go see a movie. You just lose yourself in the storyline and the darkness, leaving reality behind. It's a beautiful experience."

"Hmm," he smiles and takes another sip of wine. He unlocks his iPhone and looks at the illuminated screen.

My eyes still dominate his wallpaper.

Gosh.

"What was the movie about?" I ask, wanting him to keep talking. I love the sound of his voice way, way too much.

"It was about a Kurdish refugee living in Orlais who was trained by an Orlesian swimming coach to swim across the Waking Sea to be reunited with his lover in Ferelden."

"Why couldn't he just get a flight or a ship there?"

"Because he was an illegal immigrant," Fenris replies simply, "Didn't have a passport or anything."

"So, what happened? Did he end up crossing the Waking Sea?"

"He attempted to."

"And?"

"Never made it. Drowned a few metres off the coast of Jader. A storm got him."

"Oh," I look at his hands on the table, feeling a sudden sadness sweep through me.

"The swimming coach went to Ferelden, found the girl, and told her himself. Gave her the ring her lover intended to give her."

"Did she take it?"

"No," he says in a low, gravelly voice, "She was already engaged to someone else. It was already arranged by her parents. They didn't want her marrying her lover."

"That's…" I shake my head, "That's horrible. Tragic."

"It's very tragic, yes," Fenris nods, "It's also one of my favourite films. Maybe it's because it was the first. Or maybe because I'm just a very tragic sort of person," he flashes me a crooked smile that incapacitates my lungs for a few seconds.

I smile back, my eyes briefly meeting his before looking back down at his tattooed, olive hands. Hands that reach over and cover mine, warm and gentle against my pale skin, before they move away, reaching towards his wine glass instead.

"We'd better head off," he says, raising the glass to his lips and finishing his wine. We ask for the bill (which I pay because there is just no way I am letting him do that this time) and walk to the cinema.

He doesn't like holding hands while walking in public (he never expressly mentioned that, but he's never attempted to hold my hand in public, so it's an accurate implication), which is a super bonus as far as I'm concerned, because I hate PDA in any way, shape, or form.

Holding hands in public?

Yeah. So not my thing.

While waiting in the ticket line, I see Carver, of all people, with a bunch of his friends by the snack bar. I wave at him, and while I am absolutely a hundred per cent positive he saw me, he acts like he didn't and entirely ignores me.

And I thought that Bethany's death brought us closer.

Guess I was wrong.

We get the tickets, skip the snacks, and head straight to cinema number 2. Our seats are way at the back in a private little corner with barely any people sitting nearby.

And, as you can probably already guess, my heart is pounding.

Fast.

We're a bit early; the ads and trailers aren't even running yet. The only sounds are those of people munching on popcorn and nachos, the low murmur of conversation, and the cheesy country music playing in the background.

"I've never been to the cinema with someone else before," Fenris murmurs.

"I guess that makes me your first ever cinema buddy, then?" I grin.

"I suppose so," he grins back, flashing a set of perfectly white teeth.

The lights soon dim out and the ads and trailers start playing. A teenage-looking couple whose faces I can't see in the dark arrive and sit in the row in front of us. They start making out practically as soon as their asses touch the retractable seats.

And what's more awkward than your very first movie date with the most amazing guy you've ever met?

Being on that date with the sound of moaning and smacking lips emanating from the row in front of you filling your eardrums.

"They're quite keen, aren't they?" Fenris whispers with a chuckle.

" 'Keen' doesn't even begin to cover it," I roll my eyes.

Stupid, desperate, groping teenagers.

He chuckles again and leans back in his seat. I'm extremely aware of how close his arm is to mine on the armrest. It's not touching mine, but it's barely inches away. I can feel the heat radiating from it.

I'm doing this. I'm watching what has been called one of the most romantic movies of all time with Fenris.

Bela and Merrill cried when they saw it. Varric teared up a bit. It's that romantic.

Should I see it as a coincidence that Fenris chose this movie, of all the other movies we could have seen, to take me to tonight?

No. I'm not going to see it as a coincidence. I'm going to see it as a deliberate and carefully calculated choice, because dammit, I want to see it that way. The thought of him specifically choosing this movie makes me happy.

The lights completely go out after fifteen minutes or so, and the movie finally starts.

I realise that this is the first time I'm plunged in complete darkness with Fenris seated barely an inch away from me. Suddenly, every single fibre in me is on alert, hyper aware of his proximity to me. My heart is beating and the butterflies are fluttering and it's all getting pretty darn ridiculous.

Everything about me is ridiculous. No surprises there.

When the movie starts, my jitters fade as I quickly become engrossed in the story. It's one of those movies that capture you from the opening scene. And that first kiss! Maker's breath, that first kiss. The passion, the connection, the clarity. All translated into one look, one kiss. Between complete strangers.

It's…

It's beautiful.

The notion that two people are destined to be together no matter what. That they were literally made for each other, in every sense of the term. That, no matter what comes in between them, they will always-always- be reunited. And if something or someone does threaten to come between them, to separate them, they will do whatever it takes to stop that from happening, because to them, life is meaningless without each other.

It's all so tremendously beautiful, it makes me want to cry.

And, guess what?

I do cry.

Well, I don't cry, but I do tear up. A bit.

Okay, a lot.

I have to pretend that I'm catching a cold when I start sniffing.

Yeah, I'm that emotional.

If there is anything that really affects me, I mean really stirs up my emotions, it's love. True, deep, passionate, intense and unwavering love.

The kind of love portrayed in The Adjustment Bureau.

Exactly that kind of love.

Halfway through the movie, the teenage couple in front of us start getting vocal.

Well, this is awkward. Get a fucking room!

I glance sideways at Fenris, his face illuminated by the light from the screen, and I see a smirk.

At least one of us finds this amusing.

I focus on the movie, trying my best to drown out the smacking and moaning of the teenage couple.

I'm really touched by this one part. I'm so touched, in fact, that I let out a muffled sob (muffled because I tried my best not to let it out at all).

And what happens next blows me away.

Fenris lifts up the armrest between us and wraps his arm around me, pulling me against him.

And I just die.

I die and go to heaven.

I'm sitting in a dark theatre watching The Adjustment Bureau with Fenris' arm wrapped around me.

I'm so glad I let out that sob.

I am so fucking glad.

Wanting to make the most of this incredible moment, I rest my head on his shoulder, inhaling deep and smelling shampoo.

Sitting here, feeling the heat of his body against mine, feeling the steady rise and fall of his side as he breathes, feeling the strong and secure hold of his arm around my shoulders... Peeking up at his face and seeing that smile…

What more could I want?

What more could I possibly want?

What I do next takes even me by surprise.

I give him a soft, lingering kiss on his cheek.

His smooth, flawless, stubble-free cheek.

I feel his smile widen before I move my lips away from his face.

He reaches over with his free hand and takes my hand in his, bringing it up to his lips and covering it in light, gentle kisses.

My heart is dancing in my chest and I just want to jump him, right here in the dark theatre.

Maker's breath, Hawke! You're turning into the disgustingly vocal teenage couple in front of you!

Okay, maybe not jump him, but… do something to him. Like climbing onto his lap and kissing the hell out of him. Something along those lines.

But, unlike some people in this theatre, I have self-control and willpower. So, I continue to merely rest my head against his shoulder and watch the remainder of this incredibly romantic movie in his arms.

In his arms.

When did I get so lucky?

By the time the end of the movie rolls by, my face is shining with tears. The ending was just… I can't even put it into words. It was so darn beautiful.

"You okay?" Fenris asks with a concerned look when he sees my tear-stricken face.

"Oh, yeah," I laugh dismissively, sniffing and wiping away the tears with my sleeve, "I can be overly emotional sometimes, that's all."

He smiles at me just as the lights go back on.

"Happy endings usually make you cry?" he asks as he stands up.

"Only if they really touch me," I reply, still wiping my face as I leave my seat. The teenage couple in front of us have also stood up to leave. I glance at their faces just out of curiosity (I mean, they were really getting it on during the movie) and freeze, my eyes nearly popping out of their sockets.

"Carver?"

My tall, pale, buff, blue-eyed brother swivels around and stares at me with a look of abject horror, his cheeks immediately turning into a deep scarlet.

The intense blushing thing runs in the family.

"Ma-Marian?" he stutters, his eyes wide with disbelief, "Wha-what're you doing here?"

"I was watching a movie," I raise my eyebrows, "This movie, in fact. You know, the one you were watching for the past two hours?"

He gulps and darts his eyes sideways to who I assume is his girlfriend, who is uncomfortably standing by Carver's side with an utterly embarrassed look on her pink face.

"You were umm, sitting here the entire time?" he asks, rubbing his neck and looking everywhere but at me.

"Yeah, we were."

He looks at Fenris and notices him for the first time.

"You've met Fenris, remember, Carver?"

"Yeah," he mumbles as he nods, "Yeah, I remember."

"And who's your friend?" I ask innocently. From the corner of my eye, I see Fenris smirk.

"Uhh, this…this is Peaches," Carver stammers as he looks at the blonde girl at his side, "My uhhh… friend."

A 'friend'. Suuuuuure.

I throw Fenris a knowing smirk before I turn to Peaches.

"Hello, Peaches," I smile at the wide-eyed girl, "I'm Marian. Carver's sister."

She merely smiles shyly and nods, her eyes darting to the floor.

"Do you need a ride home, Carve?" I ask.

"No, no I'm good. Going to a friend's place tonight."

"It's Monday, Carve. Don't you have class tomorrow?"

He glares at me, and I can almost see the blood boiling under his skin.

"I do," he replies through gritted teeth.

"Don't stay out too late, then. I'll see you later, Carve. It was nice to meet you, Peaches," I add to the silent blonde girl. She nods again, her eyes still glued to her (very pink) sneakers. I turn to Fenris, who still has an adorable amused smirk on his face, and nod towards the exit.

"Enjoyed the movie?" I ask when we step out into the cool night air.

"I did," Fenris smiles. He hesitates for a while before he smirks and adds, "Not as much as your brother, though."

I roll my eyes, "Oh, I doubt anyone enjoyed the movie as much as Carver has."

He chuckles and rocks back and forth on his heels, his hands buried deep in the pockets of his grey pea coat.

"So… what do you want to do now?" he asks after a brief silence.

Dude… just stay by my side and I could just stand here forever.

"I dunno," I shrug. I glance at the time on my phone, "It's only nine… but if you want to call it a night or anything…"

"I don't think I'm ready to leave you just yet," he smiles. Under the streetlamp, his eyes look gloriously golden.

I want to say 'I don't want you to ever leave me, Fenris'. I want to say that so badly, but it's too dramatic. Like a corny scene from a 1960's romance.

"We could drive to the docks and have a little stroll there," I suggest. It seriously amazes me how calm I'm able to keep my voice when on the inside, I'm anything but.

"Sounds good," he smiles and steps closer to me. He makes a motion with his arm as though intending to put it around my shoulders, but he hesitates and quickly brings it back to his side.

The drive to the docks is brief and silent. I plug in my iPhone and play my Bon Iver playlist. I sing along to Perth.

"You have a beautiful voice," Fenris murmurs from the passenger seat.

I instantly feel my cheeks go warm and smile shyly.

"Thank you. I get it from my mom. She was a singer back in the day."

"Yeah? Like a recording artist?"

"Yeah. She landed herself a record deal with Sony when she was nineteen. She recorded her first album and was a month away from touring to promote it when she met my dad and got pregnant with me. Gave it all up to start a family," I parallel park on the side of the docks and pull up the hand brake, "Quite frankly, I think that was probably one of the stupidest decisions she ever made. She had it all: A record deal, money, freedom. She did what she loved. Many people would do anything for that. And she just threw it all away to have me and be with Dad."

"Wouldn't you have done the same?"

"No way! I wouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place," I exclaim, "Especially at nineteen. I'm nearly twenty six and the thought of having children still freaks me out!"

"When were you born?" Fenris asks as he opens his door and gets out of the car.

"Thirty first of December."

"On New Year's Eve!" he chuckles, "Must be quite the celebration every year, huh?"

"Not really. I'm not that big on birthday parties. When they're my own, I mean. I love throwing parties for others, but when it comes to me, I'd rather everyone just ignore it. I always beg my family to downplay it and treat it as every other day, but my mother and Beth-" I stop short and look down at the thought of my sister, the sorrow trickling into me, but I quickly regain my composure and carry on, "My mother and Bethany always went overboard. All the incessant kisses and hugs and gifts. And the parties. I don't even like parties, but they always insisted. Bethany, especially…"

My voice trails away, and this time, I can't hold back the hot tears welling up in my eyes. I feel Fenris' strong arms pull me in against him, holding me tight in the middle of the dark, windy pier.

"I'm sorry," I say, my voice cracking with emotion, "I just… the thought of her… I still can't believe she's gone. My baby sister…"

My voice trembles and the sobbing ensues. Fenris' hold on me tightens, my face buried into his shoulder as I cry, my body shaking, my heart physically aching in my chest.

"It's all right," he whispers, stroking the back of my head, "It's all right."

He kisses the top of my head and keeps his lips gently pressed there until I calm down.

"I'm sorry," I sniff, looking up at him with puffy, red eyes.

"Don't apologise," he says in a gentle yet firm tone, "There's nothing to apologise for. I'm here for you, Marian." He wipes away my tears with the back of his fingers before he leans in and kisses me softly on the forehead.

"Thank you," I murmur, closing my eyes as I snake my arms around his waist, "I don't know what I'd do without you, Fenris. I really, really don't."

"And I don't know what I'd do without you," he whispers, "You're the most important thing to me right now. The most important thing to me ever."

If I wasn't in my current, sorrowful state, I'd go internally ballistic at what he just said. So, for once, I actually react normally.

I smile up at him and pull his face closer to mine, kissing him in the middle of the deserted pier.

And while I should be feeling safe and content in his arms, a feeling of uneasiness creeps into me even as I feel his soft lips moving against mine.

I've had this feeling before.

I had it before Dad died. I remember it clearly.

I also had it before Bethany was killed.

Shit.

"When were you born?" I ask him, attempting to get rid of my negative thoughts.

I feel him instantly stiffen against me and I immediately regret asking him that stupid, stupid question.

He doesn't remember. He doesn't know.

I cup his face in my hands and look at him with intensity, "Danarius won't get away with this, Fenris. He won't. I'll help you find out everything about your past. About who you were and where you came from. About your family. I promise."

He gazes back at me, his expression warm and tender, and kisses the inside of my palm.

"I... I appreciate that, Marian," he murmurs. His grip around my waist tightens as he pulls me in for another kiss.

When we pull away and resume our stroll, I feel a chill that has nothing to do with the weather creep down my spine. I shiver involuntarily, and Fenris, for the first time ever, puts his arm around me and pulls me in against him as we walk.

Less than five months ago, I used to frequent this pier alone, with only my thoughts for company.

As I listen to him telling me about his travels before he came to Kirkwall, as I watch the arm not wrapped around me move animatedly as he speaks, and as I see the faint smile on his lips and the warm yet intense gaze as he watches me talk, I realise something for the very first time.

I realise that I love him.

And while I know it shouldn't, the feeling scares me. Because, for whatever reason, that feeling of uneasiness still lingers, like a premonition of what lies ahead.