Chapter 21: "Hollow Pasts, troubled presents, shattered futures"
The last times in BIS had been odd for everyone, especially for Hazel. She was feeling really odd and awkward living with the one that had caused her too much grief, as well with the ones that had sort of hidden the one that had ruined her life. However, she couldn't return to her flat, as the government said that the repairs would take more time than what they had first said, given the fact that the rebel groups were making too much fuss, and that brought some problems with Earth and the UNSF, who was threatening to make its presence in the region even stronger.
Arantxa came from time to time, trying to make herself comfortable in the rebel force, but she found the BIS folks quite cold towards her. Cynthia, on the other hand, was dealing with her own problems, but she was now quite relieved, after finding out htat she could trust on Meredy and Elian. So far, she hadn't had any bad surprises concerning their loyalty and ability to keep promises, and was starting to like her two classmates more than what she had ever thought she could.
Hazel was thinking about her entire situation, once again, while Razma and Semyl were talking to her about random things to make her forget everything for a while, at least, when she just stood up from her chair and walked to the telephone. Quickly, she dialed her answering machine service's number, eager to know if there were any news that would make her day. The two red-haired youths kept on talking, quite surprised of her attitude.
And she had a message, after all. And it seemed to make her day, also.
"Could you talk softer, please?", Hazel asked, in haste. "I'm trying to listen to a message from my answering machine", she explained, slightly annoyed.
"Alright, sis", Ramza said, chuckling.
Hazel rolled her eyes at his attempt to make her feel at home, but she was still feeling like an outcast on BIS. She still couldn't understand how she accepted to stay there.
"Hi, Hazel!", a male voice greeted her from the telephone tube, as she listened to the recorded messagge. A smile grew up in her lips as soon as she recognized the voice. "It's me, Alen. I'm staying a few days here, on Hellespontos, and I wanted to know if..."
"Quickly, give me a piece of paper and a pen, please!", she begged in a hurry, shaking her hands nervously.
"What is it?", Semyl asked her, handing her over the things she had requested a moment ago.
"Nothing", Hazel replied, as she noted down a number and an address. "Just a message from an old friend", she commented, before leaving the main room. In a matter of seconds, she came into the main room again, carrying her bag and a denim jacket. "If someone looks for me, tell him or her that I'm not here, and that I don't know how much I'll be out", she told them, waving at them as she walked throught the door, putting her denim jacket on.
"What's going on?", Myona asked, who had almost bumped into Hazel when she wanted to get into the main room. "She seems to be in a hurry"
"I don't know, but her eyes were shinning, strangely enough", Semyl replied, puzzled. She and Razma had seen her complete change of attitude astonished, almost without blinking. "She said something about an old friend, or something like that"
"Yup, she didn't even know when she was coming back", Ramza added, filling in the missing data.
"I see", Myona said, blinking. She barely understood anything of what they had told her, but she decided it would be better to stay where she was, rather than chasing Hazel to see what was going on. She didn't want the light-blue haired girl to feel paranoid for nothing.
"Well... why don't we do something else, rather than being here, wasting our time?", Razma asked, shrugging.
"Sounds good to me, even if the idiot proposes it", Semyl said, teasing her red-haired companion.
"Why, you...", he glared at her, slightly annoyed.
"I agree with you", Myona said. "Let's see what we can do around here", she proposed.
Hazel put her hands in her jean jacket's pockets, trying to get warmer in that windy Martian afternoon. The Park was partly desserted, especially near the monument. Maybe because it was an imponent monolith, or maybe because no one wanted to remember the past, that area was hardly ever visited. It was kind of a sarcastic miracle to her how it managed to stay clean, as no one could ever be seen around it.
Far from it, she could see kids playing, under thier parents' constant, yet loose look. There were also people taking some gym classes, and a couple running on their own, hooked to their mobile music players.
No hints of Alen, though.
The light blue-haired girl was starting to get more and more anxious. She was eager to see a friendly face; she needed some good time among so many dissasters that kept on happenning to her. However, waiting wasn't made for her, after all, and patience was one of the things that she was lacking. Without counting forgiveness, mercy, and sociability, among some others.
She was about to start thinking about how miserable she was, when she saw her friend coming, at last.
Walking slowly along the tree-less area of the park, a tall, well-built young man appeared, smiling friendly at Hazel, making her smile, too. He had blonde, short hair, although it was slightly longer than the last time she saw him, almost a year ago. He was too musculous to her, but his training as a gymnast was to blame.
"Thanks for coming", Hazel greeted the newcomer, gratefully.
"Don't even mention it", the blonde man replied, smiling. "I thought you had moved somewhere else, as you didn't reply to my calls", he added, hugging her.
Hazel replied to that hug by hugging him harder, as a cast-away would do with a piece of wood in the middle of the sea. Without realizing it, small tears started falling from her eyes, and slid through her companion's strong arms.
"Don't worry, Haz, everything will be alright", he comforted her, patting her head softly. "You are a survivor, aren't you? Then, keep on doing what you and me know best: go on surviving", he told her, seriously. He, too, was trying to remain strong and cool about the past, but it was difficult to move on.
Hazel nodded, but didn't make a move to stop hugging him; all the contrary.
"Oh, come on, girl", he teased her, trying to sound cheerful among his sadness. "It can't be that wrong, can it?"
"I think it can", she whispered, depressed.
"Do you want to go somewhere else?", Alen asked her, concerned. That young girl was the only good thing that had happened to him at the time of the accident, and the only idea of seeing her suffering made him suffer as well. Seeing Hazel at this state wasn't something that made him feel at ease. "We can go for a cup of coffee and then we can return here", he offered her, politely. "After all, neither the monument nor our deceased beloved ones will move from where they are", he added, sarcastically. But there was a hint of hatred and pain in that sarcasm.
Hazel nodded. Even if the dead ones won't rise from their tomb, she would feel better sharing her "secret" with Alen at some other place.
"Hi, there!", Arantxa shouted, grabing the young student from the shoulders, out of the blue.
"Hi", Cynthia grumbled, busy with some school papers and folders. "If you are looking for Hazel, you are out of luck. She ain't here", she added, while she started looking for something in her mess of papers, rather desperately.
"What are you doing?", she asked her, curiously. Arantxa had just come into the Saoshyant from the city, and the first person she found was Cynthia... so it was a good excuse to start making socials with the girl.
"Some homework I have pending", the young girl replied, harshly. Finally, she picked that so desired piece of paper from the mess of photocopies she had over the table.
Arantxa giggled, funnily.
Cynthia sighed and stared at her, annoyed. "What's wrong?", she asked the black-haired young woman, impatiently.
"Nothing, nothing at all", Arantxa replied, giggling. "I just hadn't thought you were such a hard-working student"
The brown-haired student rolled her eyes, even more annoyed. "I do have a life, before you ask about it", she replied, angrily. "I'm not the bookworm type... nor the total slacker"
"Oh, don't worry about it, I already know that", the black-haired girl said, now seriously, as she understood that she had hurt Cynthia's feelings. "If your life just revolved around books and school, you wouldn't be here at all"
Cynthia nodded, silently, as she thought about her schoolmate Meredy. Maybe that rule wasn't entirely true. Meredy had resigned a lot of her studying time to find out, alongside Elian, what she was doing, and what had changed her. Even if she was a shy, silent bookworm, she cared for others so much that made her resign some of her precious time. For the first time, Cynthia realized that she was a good friend, even if she had screwed it up that day when she called to her house and her mother talked to her, making her confess whatever Cynthia was doing. However, she wasn't going to mention it. She was feeling uncomfortable with Arantxa's presence, and especially with her "interview", so by talking about Meredy she would be giving more information to that odd woman. Couldn't she leave her at ease with her homework? She already felt odd while doing homework at a rebel force vehicle, so she didn't need anyone else to remind her of that. Besides, she didn't like the new girl, for some reason. She couldn't tell if it was her appearance, her accent or her behavior, or just the fact that she was a friend of Hazel, but there was something she didn't like of her.
Maybe it was her appearance, after all. She had to admit that Arantxa was better-suited for being in a rebel group rather than herself, with her private school uniform. The black, rather thigh trousers that matched with Arantxa's hair looked better than Cynthia's kilt skirt and shoes. And don't even mention the petroleum color t-shirt with a grey cotton vest that Arantxa used to wear. That was stylish, and not Cynthia's red tie, that she would use as a bandanna when she was about to pass away of boredoom.
It had to be her appearance, Cynthia went on thinking, jealous. That was how she felt. Jealous of that woman. Arantxa was free, looked well in her own style, and seemed to be much easy-going than what she was. What's more, Arantxa seemed to know Hazel much better than what Cynthia thought, and that wasn't fair, because she had been with her cousin when she was down. She had to be the one who knew her the most, and not that easy-going, odd-named woman who would appear and dissapear as she liked.
"Is it just me, or you don't stand me much?", Arantxa asked the student, reading the latter one's mind.
Cynthia sighed, and looked at her. "Look, I don't have time for some cheap, soup-opera like melodrama. I have lots of delayed homework to do, so..."
"Maybe... could it be that you are jealous?", the black-haired woman asked, a slim smile drawing in her lips.
Cynthia rolled her eyes, annoyed. "If I had to be jealous of someone, then it had to be of....", the youngest girl started ranting energically, but then she realized that she didn't know who she could name. She had just been defeated. "Alright, I'll admit it, yes, I'm jealous!", she added, softer, as she frowned her dark brown eyebrows.
"Me 1 - You 0", Arantxa teased her, trying to cheer the girl up. However, as Cynthia's eyebrows frowned even more, she realized that she would have to stop having that teasing attitude in front of the girl, if she wanted to have a relaxing, peaceful relationship. "Alright, I'm really sorry, I couldn't help it", she apologized quickly, sincerely. "I just tried to cheer you up... I always try to cheer people up with bad jokes or silly commentaries"
"What a way to cheer people up... teasing them", Cynthia complaint, annoyed.
"Sorry, it's the 'big sis' attitude which makes me act like this", the black haired young woman explained, slightly embarrassed. "Don't think that this easy-goingness didn't put me into some troubles", she let in clear quickly, sighing.
"I wouldn't loose if I were to bet it", Cynthia teased her, chuckling.
"At least, you stopped being deffensive for a second", Arantxa said, with a wide smile showing her triumph. "And you've become the teasing one"
Cynthia frowned, defeated once more. "Alright", she sighed. "However, I wasn't going to argue with you all day. I was planning to ignore you"
"Can't we try to be friendly towards each other?", the black-haired woman asked the youngest one. "I mean, we don't have to become friends, but it will be healthier than arguing the entire day like cats and dogs"
"I can't help it, I barely stand you", Cynthia admitted, as she talked moving her plastic ruler as a pointer. "I can't be friendly with someone that I dislike. And before you ask it, I don't know if it's because of your attire, your attitude or because you seem to know Hazel much better than what I do", she said, exposing her feelings uncounsciously, as she kept on playing with the ruler.
Arantxa looked up, understanding the entire situation, finally. "I know that my attitude is quite... odd for new people, but it helps me to survive, so I won't change it", she started explaining the schoolgirl. "My attire... well, I've just came from my cheap hotel room, so that's why I look better than you... By the way, your's not an ugly uniform", she stated, staring at Cynthia's clothes.
"Very funny", Cynthia said unenthusiastically. "You have to look for new strategies to befriend distant people"
"No, I'm serious", Arantxa insisted, concerned. "I've seen many uniforms, that were really ugly... besides, I always wondered how it felt to wear an uniform to go to classes"
"Quite boring, if you ask me", the brown haired student replied, glaring at her red tie. "It's really annoying in summer, when you have to wear cotton socks and a shirt, while everyone walks around you in shorts, miniskirts and sleveless t-shirts or tops"
"Then, I've been really lucky to attend public school", the black-haired girl laughed, friendly. "However, back on topic... I think that what irks you the most is my relationship with Hazel"
Cynthia frowned again, annoyed that the new girl understood how she felt. "That's right... I can't help it... I thought I was the only one she had in the entire world. Then, you come, with your fresh and friendly attitude, and understand her much better than what I can... It's not quite fair"
"No one said that life was fair, in first place", the black haired woman stopped her, seriously. "And who told you that I fully understand Hazel, or that I know her well? Your cousin is a mystery all by herself, especially if she doesn't let people to get near her to help her"
"You are right about that", Cynthia stated thoughtfully. "However, you seem to know her better"
"I'd like to, but I don't know what really happened to her after the so called spaceship accident, so you don't have to be jealous of me", Arantxa said, friendly.
"I have the advantage there", Cynthia stated, triumphally.
Arantxa smiled, rolling her eyes. "Alright, let's be co-workers, at least for the time being", she said, offering her hand to the youngest girl.
"Comrades", Cynthia said, greeting the other. "Nobody's gonna pay you for your help here"
"I know", the black-haired girl said, chuckling. "But I would really need some cash"
Cynthia giggled. "Would you mind doing my homework, then? I could give you some bucks"
Arantxa sighed. "I said I would need money, not that I was planning to do anything for some dollars"
Cynthia laughed at that.
Arantxa smiled, relieved. "See? We can learn to treat each other well and spend a good time together", she said, friendly.
Cynthia smiled lightly... maybe the stylish newcomer was right...
The evening sun stroke at Ares's eyes, harmful. Blinded by the light, he walked slowly through the tree-less area of the park.
For some seconds, he wanted to escape. He wanted to leave that empty place. Why did he thought that it could be a good idea? Now, that answer was beyond himself.
He needed to take a glimpse at what he had done, and what someone else had done to him. The monolith that stood in front of him was a memorial for the ones that had died at the Bonaparte III, it was true, but it also stood out there for the ones who had fallen on Antilia, on the Aumann incident and in any Earth-Mars encounter. Taking in count that Zephyrs, an Earth officer, had taken his family and other people to use as Lab material, he could also say that the monolith stood there for his family, too.
And it also stood there for him, in a way. The Vale Shatner that he was meant to be and that could be had to be buried somewhere. That Vale that Zephyrs captured for his experiments wasn't the same one that sank the Bonaparte in revenge. And neither that Vale nor Ares were like that innocent child that had his innocence torn apart in the hands of a mad scientist, literally.
And since neither his parents nor his meant-to-be self had real graves, the monolith was that best place where he could think about them.
It felt... strange. He wasn't used to cemeteries or places where he could let go his grief. What's more, he wasn't used to let it go. Since he had left Zephyrs' Laboratories with Myona, he couldn't recall a time where he had cried freely. He couldn't cry in front of his sister, because someone had to give her strength to go on, and he was the only one left. Slowly, he forgot how crying was like.
However, he couldn't shed a single tear, not even now, that he was completely alone. He couldn't tell if it was good or not, but... there was something strange within him. It was as if he was still numbed by the pain he had felt over all those years.
Standing in front of that monolith didn't make him cry, but it made him think. Many questions started to appear on his mind, all related to his past, present and future. What would he be doing right then if he hadn't been a Lab subject? Would he have joined BIS, nonetheless, or would he have joined BAHRAM, or the Earth military? Maybe he wouldn't have been interested in politics, and he would have been doing something else. The Bonaparte wouldn't have been sank, and he wouldn't have met Cage, and so, Myona would still be single... Maybe not. Maybe all that people would have died, either on the Bonaparte or somewhere else. Maybe he would have met Cage and all the others, in other circumstances. He would never know.
What would have been of the entire Solar System if Metatron had never been found? The world would be totally different, that was for sure. Maybe some wars wouldn't have taken place, and the Universe would be a better place to live...
Ares chuckled at the last remnants of his already torn apart innocence. He knew well human nature, especially human hatred and cruelty... Wars would have occured, nonetheless. Metatron, oil, gas, water, sand, anything could make it... He could name reasons without taking a single breath. The seek for power was innate to human beings, and as long as there were humans in the Universe, and as long as there was something that could give power to a person or country, Wars would take place, no matter what.
Time after time, he kept on wondering what could have been of his life if nothing had ever happened... What would have happened if his parents hadn't chosen that flight, or if Zephyrs's had never been born... It was useless, but he would have liked to take a glimpse at what he could have been...
The sound of footsteps coming towards his direction brought him back to reality. Slowly, he turned back, instinctively. Much to his surprise, he found Hazel walking to the monument, with some strong, blonde guy at her side.
Hazel froze when she saw Ares's figure standing in front of the monument. Her eyes opened wide, but this time she didn't cry. She just stared at him, coldly, expressionless. Rage and surprise took over her, but not hatred.
"Hazel, what's wrong?", the blonde young man asked her, concerned. However, he didn't need her to reply to know what was going on. "Is this the one who...?", he asked, nervously.
"What are you doing here?", Hazel asked Ares sharply, her blood running fast with rage.
Ares didn't reply, and looked in another direction, ashamed. Ashamed of having been found out in that place, ashamed for just having been found.
Alen, the blonde guy, stared at both Hazel and Ares, trying to find an answer to who he was. Now, it was obvious that he had done it. Abruptly, the strong-built young man started walking to Ares's side, but Hazel stopped him.
"No, Alen, wait!", Hazel implored him, dragging him back. "We can return later... don't waste your time with him, I beg you!!"
"You can't expect me to stay with my arms folded when the one who killed my sister is standing a few metres ahead", he told her, furiously.
"But you are a professional athlete. You'll get banned if you hit someone!", Hazel went on yelling, trying to make her friend come into reason. For the first time, she realized the consequences of telling the truth. There are some things that some people should never know... Now, Alen was suffering the same pain that she was having... and like her, he just wanted to make that damned guy disappear from the face of Mars.
Ares stared at the strong guy that was coming ahead to him. It would be useless trying to explain to him how things were at that moment, but he wasn't going to stay there, while the other hit him; nor he was going to run away.
He was no match to that strong, enraged guy, but he wasn't going to run away. On the other hand, maybe that guy could put an end to all his troubles... Still, he didn't want to give up so easily...
"No! Stop it!", Hazel yelled, standing in between them. "Please, stop it!", she said, as she pushed Alen backwards. "We won't solve anything this way!"
"Can you think of something better, then?", Alen asked her sarcastically, glaring at Ares.
"Don't spoil your life with him, you don't deserve it", Hazel told him softly, staring at his eyes.
"Don't commit the same mistake, then", Alen advised her, still enraged.
Heck, he was far too right. She was just thinking about it all the time. She was watching her parents's ship explode constantly for the last few weeks... and the worst thing was that nothing would change. If she just kept thinking about it, she would go mad. And if she went on blaming Ares all the time, her life would turn into a living nightmare, worst than what it was now, worst than what it had been almost two years ago.
"I shouldn't have talked to you about it... and yet I needed to share it with someone else. It was driving me mad..", she started explaining, feeling remorse. "I didn't realize it would be that harmful to you... I should have realizedc it... Please, forgive me", she begged Alen, sincerely.
"I forgive you, but I can't do the same with that bastard", Alen roared, glaring at Ares. "Hazel, let me go! How can you stand in front of him without doing anything?", he complained, trying to get rid of her embrace. He could easily knock her over with his strength, but he couldn't do that to a friend, and not even to any woman.
"Just don't go!", Hazel begged him, crying openly now. "Don't ruin your career with him, please!"
"I won't go much further in my career, so let me go!", the blonde young man told her, rageful. "Can't you understand it? It's like seeing Melissa's death again!"
Hazel didn't said anything, but grabbed him tighter, so he couldn't get rid of her. "I know how you feel, believe me, but killing him, or just hurting him won't bring my parents nor your sister back to life", she said, her eyes closed, yet tears falling from her gray eyes.
"But believe me that my sister would feel much, much better, wherever she is now", Alen said, slowly getting into reason. Still, Hazel didn't let him go, just to make sure that her friend wouldn't jump over at Ares.
Without looking for it, the answer to Ares's last question was standing in front of him. If nothing had ever happened, Ares could have been like Alen. Like him, Alen had a sister, and he would have done anything to stop anyone who would harm her. He could see in that hurt boy what he could have had, if Zephyrs had never existed. Alen had most of the things he would have like to had: he was tall, strong, rather handsome (not that Ares wanted to win a beauty pageant or anything like that, it was just another statement in the 'I would have had' list he was making at that moment), a life ahead to enjoy and to share with friends and with a girl like Hazel, who could have been much better if he hadn't stepped in her life, indirectly.
Life had its mysteries. Why couldn't he be like Alen? He had everything to be like him, but he lost everything on the way.
"What are you waiting for?", Hazel asked Ares, irritated. "Do you want him to kill you, that you are still standing there? Get away!!"
For a second, Ares believed that Hazel still cared for him, much to her own disappointment. Whatever the case was, he couldn't find out if that was true or not, because he wasn't sure about how much time Hazel could control Alen from jumping at him. Not that he thought he was wrong. In fact, Alen was rather calm, maybe too calm, being in front of the one who had killed someone close to him.
Silently, Ares turned back and started walking slowly, walking away from the monolith, from Hazel and Alen, and from his past and possible future. It had been a bad idea going there, after all... Thinking too much about the past and about what could have been but never would be wouldn't help him to live his present. He should tell Hazel that, whenever he could talk to her without being hit or pointed at with a gun.
Alen and Hazel stared at him as he walked away slowly. For the first time, Hazel didn't feel hatred towards him, just... something hard to tell. She hadn't had time to remember that she hated Ares, because she was too busy trying to prevent Alen from killing the light haired boy with just one hit. Even if Alen was a gymnast, and not a boxer, one strike from those heavy arms could be fatal for everyone.
However, she felt something close to peace this time, after realizing that she hadn't had the time to hate him. Slowly, she leant her head towards Alen's chest, and stared at her BIS companion silently, wondering if she was starting to forgive him, or if she was so numbed that couldn't feel anything else.
Mikenne heard a door slamming. Quickly, she got from her bed in a jump and rushed to Ethan's room. Without asking, she got into the room.
She should have called first. If she had been a couple of seconds late, she must have seen him completely undressed. She sure had such bad luck. Or maybe she had to re-think the concept of bad luck.
She stared at him embarrassed, both because she got into his room without calling and because he was partly undressed, with his chest bare.
He stared at her more annoyed than surprised. "If you had done something like that a couple of weeks before, I would have given in, most surely", he told her, putting a shirt on.
"Amante is here, and she thinks that you are an Earthian spy", she said, all of a sudden. "She wants to see you"
Ethan dropped in the bed, defeated. Things weren't on his side, lately.
"Tell me it isn't true", Mikenne implored him, softly. Strangely in her, her emotions were flowing freely, as she was repressing a pair of tears, with her fists tightened. "Tell me that you aren't a spy for the UNSF, please", she begged once more, almost whispering.
Ethan stared at her, surprised. As he had said before, if this had happened a couple of weeks, or even days before, he would have given in and forgiven her anything. But it was too late. She had already gotten beyond the point of no return to him.
"And what if I were?", he asked defiantely, while he buttoned his shirt. "Will you kill me? Will you deliver me to Amante in a silver tray?", he asked her, energically.
"No! I won't do that, even if you had the order to kill me! I won't betray you! I owe you too much to do something like that...", the red-haired girl bursted into shouts, interrupting him.
Ethan stared at her, pale. His self-conceited, strong guy facade suddenly fall down, touched by Mikenne's new, fragile attitude. He had never seen her like that, in all the time he knew her. Not even while they've been in Elysium County, where they got to know each other better, and where she was more relaxed than when she was near Marrek.
"Would you keep silent for me?", he asked her, almost speechless.
She didn't turn back to face him, she just nodded silently.
"I... damn you, Mikenne, why weren't you like this from the very beggining?", he asked her, annoyed.
"At least now you know how I could be...", she replied back, sighing. "So, all this time, you've been spying for Earth?", she asked him, with a hint of disapointment in her voice. "I won't say anything to anyone... if I would, I wouldn't have warned you about Amante being here", she explained, trying to gain his trust once more.
"I think you need no answer to find out, at this rate...", he just answered, staring at the ceiling, lost in his thoughts. "The worst part is that it was all for nothing... Those bloody bastards won't even help me to avenge my sister's death... after all the spying I have done for them..."
In his own words, he realized the emptyness he was now standing into. All what he had done, all what he had said, had been all in vain. He did it with the best of the intentions, and what did he got in exchange? Nothing. Not even a word of thanks. He had taken many risks, faked his life at the extent of believing in his own lies, and... what for? Silence and void were the only things closest to his reward. Now, he was at the verge of getting caught, and he had no one to help him, if he excluded the moody, enigmatic red-haired girl that had hurt him greatly before.
Dreams shattering, believes crumbling... he had never thought that something like that could happen to him. Reality hurted him like two cold knives slashing him, or like hitting the ground after falling from a sixth floor. Reality left him a bitter scent... one he would have to learn to live with, if living was still worth...
Mikenne could understand him. She had also seen the emptyness that surrounded her. Like him, she had once believed in something, and then had seen the dream fall into pieces. She had moved from the heroic, youthly dream to the early adult bitterness. Unlike Ethan, she had known it for a long time, and had learnt to live with it.
Silently, Ethan walked to his closet, and started looking for something. After a few silent seconds, he found it. He grabbed his gun and handed it over to her. "Shoot me", he ordered her, emotionless. "If you had ever felt something for me, it doesn't matter how strong it was, then shoot me. I'd prefer to die by your hands rather than hers"
She stared at him, her eyes wide opened. Her supposition was coming true. "You don't mean...?", she tried to ask him, trembling.
"What you've heard", he told her, emotionless. "Can't you see that now that I can choose how to die, I'm choosing you for the job? I'd like to ask you something more romantic, trust me, but there's not much I can offer you in this situation. Come on, I won't haunt you from my grave", he teased her, trying to make the situation lighter, but it was difficult.
To be sincere, he didn't want to die, but he had no other way out. Amante would kill him, if she found him. He could escape, but he would have to spend many months, even years, running away from a place to the other to avoid getting caught. He knew well how BAHRAM worked, so he knew that he wouldn't have peace until either Amante died, or BAHRAM desintegrated for once and for all... If he stayed in one place, he would most surely die in some "stupid accident", like stabbing himself in the back, or something silly and unbeliable like that.
Mikenne just stared at him, hesitant and afraid.
"Come on, grab it!!", he yelled at her, irritated. Her passive attitude was making things worse to him.
Mikenne grabbed the gun, hesitantly. She stared at it, as if it was the first time she saw one. Slowly, she pointed at him. Her hand was shaking as it had never done before. She closed her eyes, and the trembling disappeared. She sighed, and put her finger in the trigger. Slowly, she started pressing it, slowly...
A strong, cold sound could be heard. She closed her eyes, as a tear started running wildly along her cheek.
.
.
.
Ethan stared at her, his eyes wide open. "Why didn't you shoot?", he asked her, astonished.
Mikenne stared at the gun for a second, then he looked at him. "I just can't", she said, softly. "Don't ask me to kill you, because I just can't"
Ethan got up at once, and tried to reach the gun. However, Mikenne stepped in one of his hands, while she kicked the gun with her other leg.
"Let me be!", Ethan yelled at her, angrily. "Why can't you do something you are way too used to do?"
"Because I want to help you, and killing yourself won't solve anything!", Mikenne yelled, energically. "Do you think that you will change the world with your death? Do you think that things will become what they should have been?", she asked him, softer. "If you think that, I'm sorry to tell you that you are too wrong. You won't change anything. You'll just become a corpse, a number in some cold statistic chart. Marrek will still be the same jerk he is now. Amante will say that she was right and that she knew it all along, and that you killed yourself because you were just a lousy Earthian coward. You won't avenge your sister. Earth won't give a damn for you, as it does now. I... I would be too disappointed at you, if you want to know my opinion", she said, ending in a whisper.
Ethan looked down, ashamed. She was too damned right. But he would get killed, nonetheless. "Alright, all that makes sense", he said, defeated. "But what do you suggest me to do? Amante will track me until I go down, you know...", he said. Slowly, he was returning to his usual self, or close to it, as he would never be the same person he had benn until Ruth's death.
"Run away from here", Mikenne encouraged him, sitting by his side. "They are all busy with something else right now. Pick up your frame and run away. I'll cover you the most I can. And I won't say a word", she pleaded him, desperately.
Ethan stared at her, confused at the entire idea and at her change of attitude. He stared at her as if it was the first time he had ever seen her. And in a way, it was, because he had never seen her so... passionate about something. She had always been cold and distant, and would only show a little bit of her thoughts in rare occassions. Watching her smile was like Christmas: it only happened once a year.
Now, even if she wasn't smiling, she wasn't in her normal self. She was trembling, sobbing. She was scared of the future, of what may happen to him and to her, for backing him up. And still, she was decided to help him.
"Why do you do this?", Ethan said, handing her a tissue. "I mean... you are risking your life. I don't want to be responsible for your death, so I'll have to take down your good offer", he said, politely.
Mikenne dried up her tears with a tissue. "Don't worry about me", she said, calmly. "I'm a bit more useful for them, so they won't shot me down that easily", she said, trying to smile. It sort of made her muscles hurt a little, that spoiled smile. "Now... go, before they realize you are here", she encouraged him, patting him in the shoulder. "Don't return. Leave this damned place and don't look back. Return to Earth, and start your new life, for yours and Ruth's sake", she advised him, friendly.
Ethan stood up, and went to his closet, thoughtfully. "Thanks for your piece of advice, but I have to deal with some things first", he said, as he started picking his things before running away.
"Don't...", Mikenne whispered, but couldn't go on. He wouldn't listen to her. He was blind and shocked, and would only think in his revenge towards Marrek. She couldn't blame him, after all he knew who had killed his sister, but... was it worthy to spoil his life murdering a jerk?
"What? Are you trying to stop me, now that you know that I won't hide myself from the very beggining?", he asked her, trying to sound tough again, but looking at Mikenne and finding a vulnerable girl that wanted to help him made him stop jerking around her.
"I can't blame you...", she said softly. "But I don't want you to do something stupid, once you have the opportunity to run away from all this crap"
"Then, why don't you come with me?", he asked her, curiously.
Mikenne stared at him, resigned. She tried to smile, but she was too tired and defeated for that. "Thanks, but I can't", she turned down the offer, saddened. "It's a long story... maybe you'll listen to it some other time, but not now"
Ethan shrugged, confused at Mikenne's contradictions. What could be so strong to make her stay, if she didn't want to know anything with BAHRAM?
He had never seen her like that... vulnerable, soft, depressed like that...
Ethan stared at some things from his closet, analyzing if there was anything else he needed. Among all those things, there was something that wouldn't make much use to him, but that would come in handy for the red-haired girl. "Take them", he said, as he tossed a cardboard box to Mikenne. "I think you are going to need them more than me, if you are changing your attitude", he said, friendly. "Feelings hurt"
Mikenne grabbed it before it fall to the ground. She was slightly surprised by what she now had in her hands. Cotton handkerchiefs. It must have been years since she last saw them. Handkerchieves were rarely seen, after having been replaced by tissues, and cotton was just so Earth-like. Most of the cotton in Mars was imported from Earth, as their own cotton was way too expensive, as it was made under tough processes which tried to resemble the Earthian environment.
"Thanks", she said, still puzzled. "I think you are trying to tell me that living is hard... you should also remember it well", Mikenne said, staring thankfuly at him.
"I don't know if I wanted to mean that", he said, shrugging. "I only think that if you are starting to feel things, or at least to show your feelings more, you are going to suffer more than now, so you'll spend more time crying. That's all", he said, zipping his rucksat.
It was all over. He had just finished packing his few things, and now he was about to leave. Having talked with someone had helped him a little, but he still felt a huge burden over his shoulders and the feeling of having been betrayed by anyone and everyone. A sense of bitterness and shattered dreams and believes would be his new companion, rather than his cold companion and his wannabe-tough-woman of his twin. A remorsing concience and guilt would haunt him more than the jerk that he wanted to kill to avenge his twin. And the idea of having lost his life after a false cause was the new axis in his life. He would have to learn to live with that...
He picked his rucksack, emotionless. His new, fugitive life was just starting in front of his eyes.
"Take care", Mikenne whispered. She was making a big effort to look serene, but her nerves and emotions were betraying her. Still, she didn't jump at him and embraced him, as she really wanted.
"I'll try", he said, giving her his hand to stand up, thing that the girl accepted, thoughtless. "You too", he told her, distantly.
Instead of walking away, Ethan kept on staring Mikenne for some moments, thoughtfully. If only everything had been different... maybe he could have had the chance to discover her real self among the tough, also in pain -just like him- young woman. But now he hadn't time. Maybe if he made it and avoided Amante's future murdering attempts he was most surely going to experience from then on, he could try to contact her in the future...
Awkwardly, he moved his face nearer hers. She didn't move, astonished. It just couldn't be happening to her... something like a kiss was non-existant to her.
Still awkwardly, he kissed her gently in her cheek... the only thing he could give her at this rate. Again, if everything had been so different...
Silently, he waved at her and walked away from his room, in haste.
Mikenne sat down on his former bed, her eyes lost in the nowhere. As she grabbed the cardboard box with one hand and touched her kissed cheek with the other, silent tears started falling from her once thought dried up forever eyes.
If only everything had been different...
If things had been different, he would have congratulated himself for his "perfect timing".
But this wasn't the case. Ares wasn't to blame for walking into the corridor just after Hazel had walked along his door, coming back from the Monument. Nor Hazel was to blame for walking at that exact moment of time.
They looked at each other, silently and shocked. Ares stepped into the corridor, while the sound of the door closing itself was the only thing that altered the silent atmosphere. He walked a few steps in the opposite direction, when he decided to look back to see if Hazel was there or not.
He found her there, frozen, with her head looking down, obviously ashamed. If he walked to face her, he would have seen her cry silently, pouring all her angst out of her.
"I'm sorry", he mumbled, awkwardly. "I'm sorry for being there at that time... twice, now that I realize it"
Nobody had to be a genius to realize that he was talking about the Bonaparte III incident and about his presence in the park. And it could count for the moment of speaking, also.
Hazel didn't say anything. She didn't feel hate towards him, but she wasn't ready to forgive him, if she would ever do that. Seeing him was like an ethernal reminder to her that her parents –along with so many people- were gone forever.
"Well, I'm off", he told her, puzzled. He still didn't know how to deal with her...
"Wait", Hazel called him, all of a sudden. She had gathered strenght to call him, and was visible shocked. "What were you doing at the Monument's place?", she asked, softly.
Ares walked back slowly. "I had to be there... I wanted to see the place where those who died in any Earth-Mars encounter are homaged... I think that many people that I've met, but that didn't die in any encounter, deserve to lay there, too...", he said, thoughtfully. He was too afraid of hurting her even more with his words.
Hazel didn't say anything, but just cried silently. She did it softly, so he wouldn't tell that she was crying. Or at least she hoped so.
"I may messed it up, but many innocent people have died before, Hazel", Ares went on talking, touched. "Many died in encounters, others during some raids, and many others died being used as experimental subjects", he said, as he recalled those days from his past. "None of those were given anything to be remembered by other generations... I just thought that that Monolith had to stand for them, too", he said, tightening his fists, feeling pure rage for the fate that he had had stored.
Hazel didn't say anything, but she knew he was right. But she couldn't recognize it openly, because she thought she would become weaker and would forgive him easily. In the mess of feelings she had towards him, she still felt closed to him...
"I have to thank you for stopping your friend from hitting me, as embarrassing this is to say", the light-haired guy thanked her, now a bit recovered. "Not that I can't take care of myself, but I'm no match against him"
"You don't have to mention it", Hazel finally say, tears breaking her voice. "I couldn't let him do that. He would ruin his sports career, and we wouldn't have gotten anything out of it"
"I see", he said, thoughtfully. "Thanks, again"
Hazel didn't say anything again. She wanted to run away from there, and she just couldn't. If she was to stay two minutes more, she feared that she would end up crying over his chest, hugging him...
Ares, on the other hand, didn't know if he wanted to leave, or if he wanted that moment to last forever. He had her there, and she wasn't remembering him the number of people he had killed (even if he knew that many had been murdered by Earth Lt. Ned Noachim and his men, he dared not to mention it to Hazel, because he knew she would start saying that it was a lie to make his hideous action less important than what it really had been) or how he did it. Looking at her crying silently and hopeless reminded him of himself, just like looking at Alen made him think in what he could have been.
He wanted to help her, to comfort her... He knew her pain well... Silently, he moved his hand nearer hers. He kept it close to her hand, wishing that he could help her somehow...
Hazel could feel that his hand was near hers, and that angsted her even more. If things were different, she would be crying openly, and wouldn't feel hate or disgust for that hand that he wanted to give him, silently and friendly. If things had been different, she would have grabbed that helpful hand, or she would have just hugged him, looking for a way to ease her pain.
"I've gotta go", the gray-eyed girl whispered, once she found strength from within her. She walked away quickly, leaving Ares all alone in the corridor, once again, his hand laying at his side, dead.
Mikenne walked thorugh the deserted BAHRAM base corridor, thinking, in her own world. The fact that she had helped an Earthian spy to escape was starting to have effect on her, as she still "didn't get it". She was starting to feel guilty, but guilty of doing what? The poor guy needed someone to back him up, and as no one seemed to care, she had to do it. Apart from the fact that he had helped her at rough times. He had always been there for her in a way, until she told him not to do it anymore. Maybe she was feeling guilty for the fact that she was the one who told him to finish their friendly relationship, rather than for helping him escape. On the other hand, she told him to run away, not to counter-attack. She was worried of what he would end up doing, after all...
She was too concentrated in her pain and everything, that she hadn't seen Dr. Harris until she bumped into him. She shook her head, still confused, while the middle-aged man stared at him, with an uncertain smile on his lips.
"Looks like you are daydreaming, or something like that", he teased her, still smiling. "Something unusual in you, my dear"
Mikenne glared at him, hurted by his words. "You know nothing about me, so don't talk", she replied back, coldly.
"That's what you think, little one", he went on harassing her, serious. "I know more about you than what you imagine. I know how you think, feel and I would even dare to say that I could guess your moves before you even think about it. I've known you since you were born, Mikenne. I've seen you grow up, I've seen you when you lost your father first, then your mother, and then..."
"Cut it there", Mikenne demanded. "It's not necesary to remind me my while life when I already know how the story goes", she replied, defending herself.
"Alright, if you say so", Dr Harris shrugged, acting puzzled. "Whatever... in what were you thinking about now, that you hadn't seen me coming? I mean, I'm not that slim to pass unnoticed...", he remarked ironically. Indeed, he was a fat man.
"None of your business", Mikenne just said, bitterly.
"You were thinking about that Cromwell guy, weren't you?"
Mikenne just stared at him, silently, with her now narrowed eyes.
"See? I knew it", he said, patting himself on one shoulder. "I want to think that you aren't thinking in helping him, or in getting out of here with him... Now that I think it better, you will never be able to do the latter one... not you, little one. You are just a part of BAHRAM... this is your entire life... your parents sort of remain within the group, so you couldn't leave it... Apart from the sentimental bullshit, you just can't. Your perfect obedience..."
"Stop it!", Mikenne yelled. Her shout seemed just like a little, threatened animal would sound like when facing the hunter that was about to kill it. "Stop reminding me what I already know, what I always have on mind! Just stop it, for God's sake!"
Dr Harris stared at her, surprised. "Oh, my, Mikenne... it looks like you have been going through some changes in my absence. You've never been so religious", he said, half seriously, half teasing.
"At least, if you have little to none mercy in your soul, stop tormenting me!", Mikenne begged, almost breathless due to her nervous state.
Dr Harris placed his hands in her shoulders, as father-like as he could be. Deep behind his cinic personality, he had a heart. Tiny, nanometric, but he had it. And now he was feeling the little sorrow he could feel, as he stared at the nervous Mikenne. "Come on, little one, don't cry", he told her, trying not to sound teasing. "What would your corageous parents say if they were to see you crying?", he said, thinking about her deceased parents.
Sadie and Gregor Reiha. Those were Mikenne's parents, as well as his friends, back when they all were young. They've met in University, when the Resistance movements were still learning how to walk. Gregor was studying Mechanics, Sadie aspired to become a Geologist, while he went along the Physician path, just like many generations of his family. He had had feelings for Sadie once, but Gregor was quickier than him and got the girl before he could even notice. They took different paths, but got reunited again in what then became BAHRAM. The Reiha couple followed their youth's ideals, joining the Resistance in order to stop Earth's occupation and bad traits. He, instead, just joined for the money, although he never told them that.
As years passed, he saw how his two friends changed. They became cold, work-aholic, exigent. Just as if something –Metatron, what else could it be?- had swallowed their personalities. They grew up to become battle machines, and they died like that, in combat. Mikenne, on the other side, spent her entire life under constant pressures. OFs had been her childhood toys, her teenage years make-up, and her young adult boyfriends. Growing up in a constant crisis and pressure made her loose her emotions, and made her another machine. But he had been the one who had given her the final touch in that aspect. And now, for the first time, as he thought in the ones that had been his friends, he felt guilty for what he had done to her.
"First, I'm not crying", Mikenne said coldly, staring piercely at his eyes, and interrupting his thoughts. "Second, they are already death... and third, I'm sick of showing everyone what I can do or not, so if I just want to cry, I'll do it. If I want to fight, I'll fight, and if I don't want to live, I'll just die. Just don't ask me what to do or not", she said, before walking away, silently.
Dr Harris stared at her back, the guilt making his heart ache in a way he never thought it could –or that he had forgotten-. He tried to ask her to forgive him, but he was so unused to those words, that the only thing he could do was to mumble some incomprehensible sounds.
Annoyed and confused, he just shook his head, and walked away, trying to forget everything, especially that haunting memory of Mikenne's parents.
Alright... a short chapter, and everyone seems to go through a crisis... I'm quite happy with this one, but I would like to know what you all think about this... See you!