~Deacon~
Deacon could feel the tension start to fade as they headed farther and farther on the Natchez Trace, going towards Nashville. When they first pulled out of the motel parking lot, he'd had that old familiar sensation that there was a vise around his chest. He was gasping for breath and was glad Rayna wasn't in the truck with him. But as he drove past the outskirts of town, he felt his chest ease and his breathing went back to normal. He breathed out in a rush and checked the rearview mirror. He could see Rayna behind him and he smiled to himself. This is it. We're headed down this same damn road, but in the right direction now.
He felt good about this. It would be hard, he knew. It was what he'd told Rayna. They'd struggle for a while, but he was hopeful that the songwriting thing might pay off. He'd been serious when he'd suggested Rayna try her hand at performing. Being on stage with her at the Landslide had just convinced him that she had something special. She still seemed a little skittish about it, but he was hoping that once they got to Nashville, it would change her mind.
He checked the rearview mirror again, something he would do until they got to Tupelo, and he thought about the confrontation with Lamar Wyatt. He shook his head, thinking that, in his own way, Lamar was just as much a bully as his own father had been. Only Lamar did it through controlling people and making threats.
When Rayna had gone into the motel room with Maddie, he'd turned back to Lamar. "You need to let her go," he said. "She done made her choice. Least you could do is respect it."
Lamar raised his eyebrows. "It's not just Rayna who's making an unwise choice, boy. She's bringing her daughter down with her."
Deacon had felt the anger rise up in his throat. "She's my daughter too."
Lamar had laughed at that. "Only because the two of you were careless. It's not like you've been around here to even be a father." He looked around. "Maddie deserves more than living in a rundown motel. If my daughter wants to make that choice for herself, that's her decision, but my granddaughter shouldn't suffer because of that."
"She ain't suffering. She's happy and taken care of." He raised his eyebrows. "And I could remind you that if you'd just told me, when I came back here, about Rayna being pregnant, I'd have been here to be a father."
Lamar stepped closer and raised his hand as though he might strike out. Deacon kept a wary eye on him, ready to step back if he needed to. "But I told you not to come back here. I told you to leave my daughter alone. That she was moving on with her life. She deserves better than this."
Deacon breathed in. "How would you know? You never talked to her, never asked her what she cared about. What mattered to her."
Lamar's eyes narrowed and his face turned red. "How dare you!" he shouted. "You were just someone from the wrong side of town who wanted to defile her. Disrespect her. You were hoping for a handout, which you will not ever get from me!"
Deacon put his finger close to Lamar's face. "I don't want nothing from you!" he shouted back. "She don't want nothing from you! All we want is to raise up Maddie and be together."
Lamar shook his head. "You can't take care of them in the way they're accustomed to. I at least can take care of them properly." He smiled then, a nasty smile. "You want to call Maddie your daughter. Think about this. One day she will turn on you the way Rayna has turned on me. She'll throw away everything you ever gave her, everything you ever did for her, for someone who's not worthy of her."
"That ain't gonna happen. I ain't gonna turn my back on her, abandon her, keep her at arms' length. I'll be there for her. Every damn day. Maybe if you'd done that with Rayna, she wouldn't turn away from you now." He stood there, his chest feeling tight. He didn't want to have a panic attack in front of Lamar Wyatt and he forced himself to breathe. "Why don't you go on?" he said. "Let her be."
Lamar stood there, just staring at Deacon, and finally he breathed out. "This isn't the end," he said, his voice low and menacing. "You can count on that." Then he turned and walked over to his car. He got in the back seat and then the Cadillac drove off. Deacon stood and watched, making sure he kept going, forcing himself to breathe in and out.
He looked back in the rearview mirror. She was still there. He suddenly wanted to cry, just thinking about it. About her. All he wanted to do was take care of Rayna and Maddie. He surely hoped Lamar wasn't right.
~Rayna~
Maddie had settled down about the time they drove across the city limits line and Rayna breathed a sigh of relief. As much as she wished she were in Deacon's truck with him, she was actually glad they were taking her car to Nashville. She was already worried about how they were going to make ends meet, where they would live, how they would manage in a strange city. It wasn't really a strange city to Deacon, of course, but it was to her. And being able to get around if she needed to felt important somehow.
With Maddie quiet, she could sit back and enjoy the drive. She found herself wondering if Deacon was keeping an eye on her in his rear view mirror, so she raised her hand and wiggled her fingers in a wave. When she saw him raise his hand in response, she smiled. They were taking the Natchez Trace as far as Jackson, where they'd pick up the highway. She loved the peacefulness of the Trace. When she and Tandy had first come to Natchez, after Virginia died, Tandy had taken them out on a drive and Rayna had been blown away by the tranquility of it. It was the same road they'd taken when her sister had taken her to Jackson, that weekend she'd confirmed she was pregnant. She remembered staring out the window at the lushness of the landscape, wondering what her life would be like after that.
And now she was doing it again, wondering what it would be like to live in Nashville, far away, again, from what she knew. Her life had been such a series of ups and downs, highs and lows, ever since her mom had died. She was looking forward to a more even keeled life, or at least she was hopeful they would have that. She felt anxious though, not for the first time. This was a huge change, for all of them.
She worried about where they would live, how they would survive. Deacon had called his friend Shelby and she had offered to let them stay with her for a few days until they could find a place to live. And even though Deacon had told her about Shelby and didn't seem at all interested in her as anything other than a friend, she was still anxious to see this woman for herself. She knew Deacon was going back to working at the diner where he'd met Shelby, but money would be tight. She wanted him to call the man who'd been interested in his songs, but she had no idea how that worked and he didn't really either.
She wasn't sure if she should plan to find a job or something else. Shelby had offered her mother as a caregiver for Maddie, but Rayna had never really left her daughter with anyone else since Belle left and the thought of it made her nervous.
She also was excited, deep down inside, to be going to Nashville. The heart of country music, the mecca for everything country. She remembered her mother talking about going to Nashville when she was a girl and how much she'd wanted to pursue a dream of being a country music artist. But Virginia came from elite stock and being a singer just would not do, in those days, and so her dreams had gone unfulfilled. She had married Lamar Wyatt instead and lived an unhappy life from that day until the day she had done what Rayna was doing now – packed up her car and her daughters and headed for what she hoped was a better life.
It took Rayna's breath away, in that moment, to realize just how much her life was following the path her mother's had set before her. She considered how Virginia Wyatt might have felt, making the choice she had to leave her husband and her marriage behind, to go chase after…what exactly? She thought about what her father had said to her – Who do you think paid for that little house in Austin? And the food on your table and the clothes you wore and the nice school you got to attend? It had surprised her to hear that. She wasn't at all sure he had actually let her mother leave, as he'd said, but as she thought more, it might have explained the reasons Virginia never asked for a divorce and rarely let Lamar see his daughters. He was certainly a dealmaker and perhaps it was the deal he had made.
She didn't want to think about her father anymore and forced herself to concentrate on the landscape outside her window. It was a hot day or she would have opened the window and let the air in. The sun was bright and white, even when filtered by her sunglasses. She thought back to the day she'd met Deacon. Actually, the first time she'd ever seen him, sitting in the school cafeteria. She'd felt his eyes on her and when she'd turned to find the gaze she could sense, she'd had the feeling of being a moth drawn to a flame. She smiled to herself, thinking about the look on his face, a mix of awe and desire that had made her heart beat faster.
He still made her heart beat faster, every time she looked at him. Every time he touched her skin. Every time his lips met hers. Every time he was inside her, making her feel like they were two necessary parts to a puzzle. She thought about the look on his face, when she'd turned to face him at the Landslide, just over a week earlier. That look of wonder and joy and surprise and need, all mixed up together. She had felt drawn to him then, again like a moth to a flame. Maybe she should have been hurt or angry or dismissive with him, but she could no more turn away than she'd been able to that first day.
He was her one true love. She knew that with a certainty she would never have expected to have at almost twenty years old. She knew she would love him for the rest of her life. That she would feel the same connection at ninety-six that she'd felt at sixteen.
As they made the transition, in Jackson, to highway from the Trace, she raised her hand again and waved. She felt an incredible bliss roll through her when he raised his hand in return.
~Deacon~
They arrived in Tupelo around one o'clock. They had picked up the Trace again in Mathison, after getting off the highway. He pulled into a barbeque restaurant he'd stopped in on the way down from Nashville that he knew was quiet and inexpensive. He jumped out of the truck and watched Rayna park next to him. When she got out of the car, she looked frazzled and he frowned. Then he could hear Maddie. "Out!" she cried, clearly frustrated.
Rayna looked at him and made a face. "She's been horrible for the last half hour or so," she said, sounding irritable.
He opened the back door and Maddie turned to him, her little face blotchy, as she held her arms out. "Want out!" she cried petulantly. "Out!"
He reached in and unfastened the car seat straps, pulling her out. When he put his arm under her bottom, he made a face. "She's wet," he said to Rayna.
Rayna raised her eyebrows and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, she is. She's probably been sitting in it for a while before she decided to get cranky about it."
He bit his lip. "I'm sorry, baby. Should we have pulled over before?"
Rayna nodded. "Yeah, we probably should have. But it's not your fault. You wouldn't have known. And I didn't realize it was this far or I'd have said something before we left." She came around and took Maddie from him. "I'll take her in and get her changed and into some dry clothes." She looked at his arm then and winked. "You should probably change your shirt too," she said, as she nodded towards his arm.
He grinned sheepishly as he looked down to see the damp stain on the sleeve of his denim shirt. "I guess you're right." She waited for him while he reached into his duffle in the truck for a clean shirt and then she followed him into the restaurant.
He was waiting in a booth when Rayna and Maddie came out. He noticed Rayna had changed her shirt as well, wearing a pretty flowered sleeveless top, her hair pulled up and off her face into a ponytail. He thought she looked so pretty and he could feel his heart beating faster, like it always did when he would see her for the first time. She had Maddie by the hand and he could see that she was in a completely different outfit as well, looking much happier.
They were almost to the table when Maddie pulled her hand free of Rayna's and ran to him. "Dad-dy!" she squealed, as she ran to the booth. She stopped when she got to the seat and slapped her hands down on it. "Eat!" she cried, making a face.
He reached for her, laughing. "Yeah, baby girl, we'll eat." He looked up to see Rayna bringing over a baby seat and putting it at the end of the booth. "Look, sweetie," he said, turning Maddie in his arms. "Mama brought you a chair." Maddie squealed and clapped. Rayna took her from him and settled her in the chair, then sat down opposite him. She reached for his hands across the table and he took them.
"How far is it from here to Nashville?" she asked.
He breathed in. "To Shelby's house, maybe four hours or so."
She made a face. "Any chance we could stay here tonight? Someplace cheap?" She glanced over at Maddie. "I think she needs a break."
He smiled. "I think you need a break." She smiled back at him. "Yeah, we can do that."
"Thank you, babe," she said. Just then the server came over to take their order.
Rayna put a sleeping Maddie down in the pack-and-play and then walked back over to sit down next to Deacon. He thought she looked worn out as well and he put his arm around her. She nestled into his side and he ran his fingers over her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. "You wanna take a nap too, mama?" he asked.
She turned her head to look up at him and smiled. "You wouldn't mind?" she asked.
He shook his head. "Maybe we could all use one," he said. She sat up and he stood and took her hand, pulling her up. He led her to the bed and, when she sat on the edge, he knelt down and took off her shoes. She slid back and then stretched out on top of the bed covers. He sat and took off his boots and then slid up next to her. She turned onto her side and rested her head on his shoulder as he put his arm around her. "You doing okay, baby?" he asked, stroking her arm. He knew it had been an emotional day.
She didn't answer right away. Then she sighed. "Yeah, I am."
"You ain't sorry you're doing this?"
She looked up at him and frowned. "Of course not," she said. "Why would you ask that?"
He took a deep breath and then breathed out slowly, looking at the ceiling. "It just all happened so fast. You changed your mind real quick."
She ran her fingers over his chest. "I know." She was quiet for so long, he thought she might be asleep. He looked down at her. "I know I said I wasn't ready," she said finally. "But I think it was probably inevitable. Once Daddy found out you were back and we were together, he would have made our lives miserable in Natchez."
"But you're scared, ain't ya?"
She sighed. "I am." She looked up at him. "Not about being with you. That part I'm completely good with. It's starting all over again." She traced figure eights on his chest. "If it were just you and me, it would still be scary, but I never would have given it a second thought. But we have a little girl to think about too. And that's what made me so unsure. It's still the part that worries me."
He pulled her in close. He wished he had a good answer for her. He understood her fear, but he knew he couldn't have done this without both her and Maddie being with him. "I get it, Ray," he said softly.
She propped herself up on her elbow then. She reached out and smoothed his hair back off his forehead. "But I've never let a little fear get in my way. And I'm not now. And I know how much you want this. You've worked hard for it and I'm gonna support you." She smiled. "We're gonna do it together."
He looked deep in her eyes and he could see the fear, but he could also see the love. He knew he could do anything as long as he had her. He put his hand on the back of her neck and pulled her down for a long kiss.
~Rayna~
She was surprised at how anxious she felt the closer they got to Nashville. It was a mix of apprehension and excitement. It was the apprehension she was the most surprised by. She hadn't expected all the emotions she had felt over the two days. She hadn't really lived in Natchez that long, just over three years, not counting the time she'd lived there as a baby. But it had been home for a time and now she felt like she was running, although she couldn't quite articulate from what.
It had felt a lot like it had when her Aunt Eleanor had taken her to Natchez from Austin. She began to realize she was a person who liked roots, who felt comforted by a sense of place. And Natchez had become that sense of place for her, even as short a time as it was. The fact that she'd endured as much heartbreak and upheaval as she had there didn't seem to change the fact that she was running from it. As much as she wanted this, she also felt like something she couldn't explain was trying to hold onto her. She'd shed many tears on the drive the day before, but she was determined not to give into that anymore.
She'd decided that going to Nashville with the love of her life and their daughter was better than going to Natchez to live with a father she hardly knew, but it was all the unknowns that made her apprehensive. As they crossed over the Tennessee line, she took a deep breath and made herself focus on what was ahead instead of all that she'd just left behind. She thought about everything she and Deacon had talked about, late into the night.
She had fallen asleep while Maddie was napping and had only woken up when the little girl announced she was ready to get out of the pack-and-play. She was glad they had decided to stop and stay the night. It would give them a chance to talk more about the road ahead, both literally and figuratively.
After they'd eaten, played with Maddie for a while, and then gotten her down for the night, Deacon had pulled out a map so they could look at the route. She had leaned against his shoulder as he'd spread it out on the bed. "I just don't want to go on the Trace, babe," she said. "It's pretty and all, but we need to have someplace to stop along the way, you know?"
He nodded. "Yeah, I get it." He frowned as he ran his finger over the map. "So, what about this? We go up 45, then pick up 22, and that takes us to I-40." He looked at her. "Plenty of places to stop if we need to."
She nodded. "Okay. Where does Shelby live from where we're coming in?"
"Cross town." He grinned. "We'll drive right by downtown and you can get your first look at Nashville, baby."
She smiled back, little butterflies chasing themselves in her stomach. It seemed hard to believe this was really happening. "I can't wait," she said, forcing a bravado she wasn't sure she completely felt yet.
He looked at her, then put his finger under her chin, lifting her face up. He stared into her eyes, then leaned down to kiss her. "It's gonna be okay, baby," he whispered against her lips.
She smiled and kissed him back. He knew her so well, knew how she was feeling. She felt better knowing they were doing this together. "I know," she said, taking a deep breath. "I don't mean to be a scaredy-cat."
He put his hand on her cheek and rubbed it with her thumb. "Baby, I'm scared too," he said.
She moved away from him then. "No, you're not," she said, with a frown. "You've got a great future, Deacon. All you have to do is say yes to Mr. White."
He frowned at her. "Don't mean I ain't scared, Ray. I gotta make sure I can take care of you and Maddie. What if it don't work? What if I fail? What if dragged you both with me and I can't do it?"
She looked away for a moment and then finally she sighed. She turned back to him. "I guess I didn't think about that," she said.
He scooted over to her. "Baby, there's no guarantees on anything. You know that," he said earnestly. "We won't know nothing til we get there. And I don't wanna disappoint you."
She took his hands in hers and smiled at him encouragingly. "I won't be disappointed in you, Deacon. I know you'll do your very best. And I think you'll be great. You write beautiful songs. You'll keep writing beautiful songs."
He got up from the bed and went and picked up his guitar. He came back to sit next to her, resting the guitar on his lap. "I figured out the music for our song," he said with a smile. "You wanna hear it?"
She smiled. "Yeah, I do."
He began the chords and then started to sing.
You haunt me when I fall asleep / You're in every breath I breathe / I still hear your footsteps down the hall….
He'd done a great job with it. She knew it was a great song. She also knew he wanted them to perform it together and she wasn't so sure she could do that. She had so many mixed feelings about performing. She loved it, had felt so comfortable doing it, but it had been a way to escape, and she wasn't at all sure she could explain that to him.
Rayna felt like her stomach was all tied up in knots as she followed Deacon down the residential street. The houses along the road were small, bungalows and ranch houses, but it all looked cozy and homey. Deacon pulled up along the curb in front of a little wood and stone bungalow and she pulled in behind him. He jumped out of his truck and hurried back to her car, opening her door for her.
"You okay?" he asked.
She nodded. "Yeah," she said, taking a deep breath. She smiled. "We're here."
He grinned. "Yeah, we are." He leaned in and kissed her. Then he opened the back door and reached for Maddie. When he had her on his hip, he looked at her. "We're here, Maddie."
"Here!" she cried, raising up her arm. She wriggled in his arms. "Down, Daddy." He carried her to the sidewalk and then put her down, grabbing her hand. Rayna came up on the other side and took Maddie's other hand. He looked at her. "Let's go meet Shelby," he said.
They walked up the walkway and then the steps to the front porch. Just as they stepped onto the porch, the front door opened and an attractive blonde woman stepped out, a huge smile on her face. Rayna realized immediately that this was Shelby and that Deacon had told her the truth, that she was probably old enough to be a mama to either one of them, and she could feel herself start to relax.
"You're here!" the woman cried out, her arms spread wide. She immediately headed for Rayna and enveloped her in a warm embrace. "You must be Rayna," she said and Rayna nodded. "I'm so glad to finally meet you. I'm Shelby."
Rayna smiled. "Hey, Shelby. Thank you so much for putting us up for a few days."
Shelby waved her off. "Not at all. I'm glad we can help." She turned her attention then to Maddie, who had dropped Deacon's hand and had put her own in her mouth. "And this must be your little girl." She looked back up at Rayna, then Deacon. "She's precious."
Rayna picked up Maddie and balanced her on her hip. "Sweet girl, this is Shelby," she said. "Can you say 'hey'?"
"Hey," Maddie whispered, then buried her face in Rayna's shoulder.
Rayna smiled apologetically. "She's always a little shy around new people."
Shelby waved her off. "No problem. Plus she's probably tired from the long drive. Why don't y'all come on in? I've got some sweet tea already made and some cookies for Miss Maddie." She turned and walked back into her house.
Rayna took a deep breath. Deacon put his hand on her back and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. "It's gonna be fine," he whispered. She looked up at him and she could see the look of hopefulness in his eyes, mixed with his desire for her to be okay. She smiled at him and nodded and then followed Shelby into the house.