A/n: Hello! I'm sorry this chapter also took quite a bit, Derrowyn and Thorin were mentally arguing about weather or not I should have kept in the second flashback. Well it's still in. Also this is the first, and last, time we will see into Derrowyn's dreams. At some point this weekend, I will be posting the full version of the dream on Tumblr, because there is a bit more. (Derrowyn's tumblr can be found on my profile)
Anywaaay! Hope you enjoy this Chapter!
"Now is the time for our esteemed Mr. Baggins, who has proved himself a good companion on our long road, and a hobbit full of courage and resource," I just listened awkwardly, fumbling my fingers on the edge of the strap of my bag. "far exceeding his size, and if I may say so possessed of good luck far exceeding the usual allowance – now is the time for him to perform the service for which he was included in our Company," What Thorin said made me remember that, even though they sometimes called me part of their company, I was not. They had asked Mr. Baggins to join their company, they had not asked me. "now is the time for him to earn his Reward."
I gulped slightly as he went on and on. My head and heart felt heavy with guilt and impatience. I had forced my way into this company for an elf I owed a life debt, then he had freed me and I stayed with this company. I felt my chest tighten as Bilbo spoke to the dwarf.
"If you mean you think it is my job to go into the secret passage first, O Thorin Thrain's son Oakenshield, may your beard grow ever longer," I felt my breath catch in my throat as Bilbo snarled over at the King of dwarves. "Says so at once and have done! I might refuse. I have got you out of at least two messes already, which were hardly in the original bargain, so that I am, I think, already owed some reward." I placed my hand against the cool stone to steady myself. I felt a sudden flush of aching over my body. "But 'third time pays for all' as my father used to say, and somehow I don't think I shall refuse. Perhaps I have begun to trust my luck more than I used to in the old days but anyway I think I will go and have a peep at once and get it over. Now who's coming with me?"
I was pretty sure he didn't expect anyone to answer. In fact only Balin promised to come just inside with him. As they turned to leave, I felt my chest tighten and words slip from my mouth. "I will come," I pushed through the others to the hobbit's side. "I'm not needed anyway."
I nodded at the dwarves, remembering a story my father told me of how dwarves were not honourable creatures. Even when we - Balin, Bilbo and I – were only a short way in, I noticed that the most honourable of the dwarves looked awkward and then swiftly left us. Bilbo was about to put his ring on, which this was the first time I had truly seen it up close, but I placed my hand over his. "Don't… You don't know what that magic ring actually is…"
"What do you know of it, Ranger?" He seemed partly angered, partly confused that I cared so much for his welfare; well that's what I thought. I looked down at the golden band, some inkling in my mind telling me that he should not use it.
"I know of many magic rings in this realm, and none of them should be used lightly," I half laughed, noticing something about what I had just said. "Or, well, that's what Lord Elrond had told me." I thought back to my time at Rivendell. 5 years is a long time to stay in one place, I knew that. I spent 5 years with elves and a little boy who disliked Lindir and wanted to learn to fight.
"Estel get back here!" I had known that Elrond could really stop Estel from running off when we were travelling, especially when it came to visiting the elves in the other areas in the lands surrounding Rivendell. I had gave my life to Rivendell and it's lord in my life-debt only a month before, this was the first time I had truly seen Estel but I knew from the twins he could not be controlled. Elladan, Elrohir and I had often spoken of Estel when I was working with them before and during my life debt. When he decided to run off, I jumped down from my horse and prepared to chase the young boy down. Elladan and Elrohir noticed me jumping down from my horse, which I was riding because I had being working as a guard for that period of time, and took the horse's reins when I ran after the young, brown-haired boy.
"Estel?" I yelled out for the boy, his clothing a light green, which only just stood out in the wood. When I saw him, I noticed the young boy was shivering at the time. I had not asked Lord Elrond much about the boy, and I had not planned to, but whatever ailed him came from before his time at Rivendell. I knelt down beside him, pushing my hood from my face and looking at the boy for a few moments. It had taken him a few seconds to look up at me, but when he did I saw a slight smile on his face. "Come on back Estel…"
"You… are like me…" He pointed to my ears, grinning slightly as I nodded. Still knelt at his side, I placed my hand on his shoulder. His smile widened and his placed his arms on my shoulders, the olive-green elvish material of his clothing against my mud washed shirt and moss cloak. "What's your name?" He murmured in my ear as I lifted him up. Whatever made him run off had gone from his mind, now he just seemed happy to know I was there.
"Derrowyn… but you can call me Derry," I could just about see him grin at what I said, his eyes glancing around the wood. He was only 5 years old at this time.
Elrond took him out of my arms when we arrived back at the group so that he could tell the boy off. Elrohir passed me my reigns back so that I could jump back onto the horse and ride beside them. When I did, I soon felt a pull at my cloak. Estel was pulling at my cloak, wanting to ride on the horse with me. I grinned down and nodded at Elladan who picked up the boy he saw as his brother and passed him to me. I sat Estel in front of me on the saddle and I soon found that he was bouncing up and down in excitement.
I never used to really like children; somehow I felt… attachment… to Estel. I couldn't call it love, because Elrond loved him as a son, Elladan and Elrohir loved him as a brother, I was like his cousin who he liked to plague when I should be working. That's pretty much all he did to me for those five years. I'm sure I missed him.
"I will not stop you for using it later, but for now use it wisely," I finished up what I was saying to Mr Baggins, a grin was now pressed into my lips from my thoughts. I missed Estel. I planned to go and visit him again.
Bilbo nodded at me before we continued silently through the tunnel until all remnants of the door had disappeared from my vision. That's when I heard the sound of rumbling, a glow lighting up the tunnel. The dragon. I had the feeling that I probably should have ran away from the creature in pure fear, but with the red, gold and regal look of the magnificently terrifying beast I found myself mesmerised.
Since Elladan and Elrohir had told me my death had being foreseen, I no longer worried about it. Death was not something I had felt the need to fear anymore.
Bilbo pulled on my arm, quickly pulling me away from the dragon and back towards the door. He yelled at Balin and the others to open it up, which they swiftly did and pulled the two of us through. I guessed they had heard the rumble and were beginning to worry. Well that's what I had hoped.
I laid back against the door, my breath caught in my chest. Fear had risen in my throat as Thorin looked panicked at the others. I slammed my arms against the rock in an attempt to steady myself as I watched the hobbit and dwarves talk. I could feel my head spinning until I rest my head back against the rock; the sound of speech seemed to almost calm me.
I could tell whatever Mr Baggins had just said about "- Smaug as tame as a rabbit" did not seem agreeable with the dwarves as they all begged his pardon. I laughed slightly at that before shutting myself up when I noticed a few glares. Wrong time to laugh.
"What then do you propose we should do, Mr Baggins?" After Thorin's politeness towards the Hobbit, I turned off. Not because I was bored, just, well I lied I was bored. Nothing they were saying was now interesting my panicked heart.
I then noticed, although not listening to what they were saying, that Bilbo had started to lead the company. Much to the confusion of their natural leader Thorin. I then watched as many of the dwarves laid down on the ground, to try to rest. They all seemed to be as fearful as I was. But I did not lie down. I stayed stood up and lingered by the doorway, hesitant but I knew I would not enter the tunnel again. The doorway reminded me of something… I ran my fingers over the cracks between the rock, an absent smile sat on the edges of my lips.
I begun to imagine the feeling of home again, to feel my brothers hug me instead of watch them want to kill me, to see my father walk in and kiss my mother on the cheek, to watch my uncle at his card games. That could never happen again, but I still wished it could.
It was a four years before my father's death; I was 9 and was watching my uncle in the tavern play some card game and win. My father walked in to the tavern and over to my mother, who was beside me with my brothers. He pressed a kiss to her cheek and beamed as he went to collect ale from the bar. In the corner, I could make out the dwarves I had seen from nights before this night. A hobbit was dancing on a table and singing away. But as a family we looked happy. Ilim was watching my uncle intently whilst Marim seemed to watch me like a hawk, keeping his eyes protectively on his little sister. He was 16 at this time and would often drink with father and Ilim, who was 14 at the time.
We probably looked like the perfect healthy family to most people, two sons and a daughter. I know mother and father tried and failed many times before they had me. According to Marim I was not very well as a baby, but then again he was six at that time. My young eyes were fixed on the four dwarves in the corner, normally I would have watched my uncle like Ilim was, but that night the dwarves seemed to be watching our family.
When the hobbit - who was dancing on the table - begun to sing, I elbowed Marim into dancing with me so I was not dancing on my own. This also gave me chance to get closer to the dwarves in the corner whilst thoroughly embarrassing my oldest brother.
At nine you would have thought I was quite and innocent. You would be wrong. I had learnt from a young age how to survive, and how to get some pieces of information. Mostly the information I wanted was from my brothers, who weren't meant to tell me certain things. But still I managed to get information from them. Mostly by thorough embarrassment.
As we skipped around the tables, I managed to get close enough to the dwarves to imprint their image into my mind. The first was a white-haired elderly dwarf who had a long beard. I remember that he smiled at me as I kicked my brother in the shins for looking at a barmaid.
The second at the table was a bald, dark bearded dwarf; who seemed very amused by the fact that I was making my manly looking brother dance and also wear flowers. I also remember his smile.
The third however never grinned at the young me. He had lots of grey hair and seemed battle worn like the others, but did not find my humiliation of my oldest brother amusing as the others did.
The fourth was the one I remember most vividly. He had a presence about him that was kingly, and I had heard stories of his travels. According to many he was a king, and he rules over the dwarves of the Blue Mountains. When I was older, by around six months, I watched the same dwarf work for my father. I always remembered his face.
"Ranger?" I heard Thorin's voice behind me, which caused me to shoot up in surprise. I turned back to him, looking at his hurt looking face. The other dwarves and the hobbit seemed to be sleeping.
"Yes?" I kept my eyes on the king's face, watching his hurt eyes intently as Thorin walked over to where I was stood. "My liege?"
"You must rest at some point tonight," He spoke, his eyes bored soberly into my face. I could not bring it in me to look him in the face, so I turned to face the door.
"So must you, my liege," I spoke, keeping my eyes on the door that was the only thing keeping the dragon from killing the company and I. Since I thought I no longer feared death, I did not fear the dragon. "You will reclaim your kingdom in a few days, you must rest for that."
"You are right, Derrowyn," He spoke sleepily, as if he was agreeing with what I was saying, "you are right." I always remembered his face.
I grinned to myself as Thorin then turned away from me, walking over to where there was space for him to lay down. I stayed watching him, thinking about the fact that Thorin probably did not want to speak about sleeping patterns with me when he originally walked over. I kept my eyes on their sleeping forms before I saw their shoulders slump in rest. Gloin sat to one side and nodded at me when I looked questioningly around. I took that as an okay to go to sleep.
I laid down on the rock, curling up in a position I had grown used to sleeping in. Dreaming for the first time in years.
I was stood at the edge of the mountain. I'm not sure which mountain, but there was no smoke arising from it, there was no imminent danger. I was just sat down, dressed in a clean white shirt and pants. I was never clean, so I knew it was a dream. I was a ranger, I never wore white. I already felt disturbed by the vision before it had fully begun.
A face soon joined me, a face I missed. I turned to watch the face continue to walk towards me, a smile pressed on his lips. His brown hair looked clean, and perfect in a scraggy way. I bit my own lip as his blue eyes cleared. "Hallas…"
"Have you missed me, Derry?" He smiled, embracing me in his arms.
"Of course I have, I loved you. I loved you and I would scream it to the whole of Arda"
"I loved you…" He replied to my outburst, trailing off as if he had meant to continue, but he didn't. He just pressed his smiling lips to my cheek.
"But… I miss you Hallas, I miss you so much," I could feel my body begin to shake.
"Then try to forget about me," He said to me, pressing his lips to my forehead before stepping back out of my embrace. "Do not cling onto my memory."
"Why?" My lips trembled.
"You did not cling before, but now it is time for you to fulfil your purpose…" I turned away from him as he spoke. He was only stood a few feet away from me and I was brushing away at where he had kissed my cheeks.
I turned back to speak to him, but I only found dust. He was gone, like he always had being.
My eyes flashed open, the light of an early morning drifting through the mountain clouds. I felt a singular tear fall on my cheek as I sat upright, checking to see if anyone other then who was on watch was awake. When I only found Oin awake, I got up and told him never to mention what he was about to see to anyone. Within moments of me speaking to the dwarf, I felt more tears fall onto my cheeks. He didn't say anything to me for a few moments, I had a feeling he had no idea about what was happening, but after around thirty seconds he spoke.
"What pains you, lass?" His voice was oddly polite, he passed me a bottle of water and moved aside. Giving me space to sit down beside him on his watch rock so that I could speak to him and could have calmed my self down.
"My dreams…"
"Dreams often pain our world, ranger, do not think of them as a warning for you, more something for you to not dwell on." I looked at the dwarf in confusion, the tears falling from my eyes stopping abruptly and allowing me to think on his words. I nodded and thanked him, before standing up and thinking over everything he had said, the dream drifting from my mind.
The others soon awoke, making me feel glad for the break in my tears. I wiped my face on the back of my hand and took another drink before I saw Bilbo sit up and look awkwardly around at the dwarves. I pressed my lips into a line thinking about what had to be done that day before preparing for the others to awake. I folded my arms over my chest and leaned back against the rock behind me, a pose I was accustomed to doing by now.
The day was just beginning, and I had a feeling that it was not going to be easy.