Hellooo all my favourite readers, sorry for the long wait. This chapter was very important and I wanted to get it just right. And can I also just say that um, WOW!!! Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed, that meant so so much to me to get so much feedback for the last chapter!! It's also really nice to see people who've never reviewed before reviewing MY story, that makes me feel so special.. Special thanks to "a fan" and seriana14 just to name 2 of my brilliant reviewers, sorry I didn't have time to reply personally to many of you this time but don't worry, I'm rereading everything you said and taking it on board.
A lot of people are wondering how on Earth Hermione has been pottering around looking like Pearl without the Malfoy's noticing. Well, if you go back you'll see that neither Lucius or Narcissa have actually ran into Hermione recently, and of course Draco wouldn't have been able to tell. There's more about that in this chapter though...and no, it wasn't just a convenient "Hmm I think I want Hermione to have lunch with Narcissa only Draco's away oh well I'll just make something up" thing ;) All in good time!
Now this is a very special chapter, so I hope you all enjoy it!
--
When Hermione's eyes fluttered open in the morning the first thing she noticed was that a heavy arm was draped over her left side and wrapped tightly around her waist. Turning her head slightly, she found that Malfoy had his face buried deep into her neck. By the sounds of his deep, even breathing he was still asleep.
Very carefully, Hermione picked up his arm and put it by his side so that she could roll onto her back and put some distance between them. As she moved over onto the cold, untouched sheets she tried to reorder her thoughts. She had several things to process, all very confusing and seemingly life-changing.
First. Malfoy had apologised to her.
Second. He had cried over her pain and misfortune.
Third. He had asked her to stay the night with him.
What did all of this mean? Had he really meant everything he'd said, was he truthfully sorry for all that he'd done to her? Hermione couldn't doubt that he'd been lying about his worst memory. The haunted shadows in his eyes had been more than enough proof that he was being honest with her.
And that brought her to another point entirely. Out of all the things Draco Malfoy had done in his life - which included an extensive list of murders - his worst memory was of her pain. How could that be right? Was it really possible that this broken, lost soul, whose life had pretty much been laid out for him because of his birthrights, who had never had the chance to avoid the huge evils that had been thrust upon him…was it really possible that his pain was nothing compared to hers?
Yes, Hermione thought quietly. The last few years of her life had more than erased any happy memories from her earlier years. Her family, her friends, her love - all gone. Her remaining friends living in daily torment, she right along with them. Pain that stretched beyond the petty boundaries of the imagination. Daily life was death and death was suicide and suicide was daily life but a hundred times worse.
Yes. It was entirely possible that Draco Malfoy had never known pain like Hermione's. Now that he did, would he change? Would Hermione's personal torture finally end? Or would he wake up and think it all a laughable dream?
Sighing, Hermione rolled onto her side and saw two pools of stormy grey staring at her.
'Hi,' he murmured softly. His face was neutral.
'Hi,' Hermione whispered back.
Neither one of them spoke for a few long minutes, each trying to decipher the hidden thoughts behind the other's calm exteriors. Finally, Hermione had to ask.
'How do you feel today?' she scanned his face for signs of coldness but she couldn't find any. It seemed that Draco Malfoy's walls were finally coming down.
'I feel…different,' Malfoy said at last, his face screwing up slightly in thought.
'How so?' Hermione pressed him, watching him closely.
'I don't know,' he admitted at last. Hermione let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding.
'Do you remember everything from last night?' Hermione asked. A flicker of blind panic crossed Malfoy's eyes before he answered.
'I do,' he said. His tone sounded regretful, and Hermione felt her heart clasping painfully. Did he regret apologising to her? Did he regret asking her to stay?
'Do you…do you want to tell me about it?' she finally choked out, suppressing the low gurgles of panic beginning in her stomach. Sighing, Malfoy closed his eyes and rolled onto his back, running his fingers through his wild hair.
'We were looking for them for days,' he began slowly, still not looking at her. Hermione watched and listened silently, intrigued by the story.
'We could sense where they'd been because it would be foggy and dark, but we think they knew we were coming for them. It didn't make it easier being with my father. We were sure the tension between us would make us vulnerable to them.
'Yesterday we finally found them. We stayed at a distance and made plans. Lucius wanted to go first and I was fine with that. So we conjured our Patronuses and took a Calming Draught to stop ourselves from panicking. Then we snuck up on them.'
'Did they feel you coming?' Hermione asked breathlessly.
'Not at first. But then we got closer and the full force of their powers really hit me. My father seemed fine, but I…I was on my knees…I couldn't move…I was frozen in fear. Your fear. Once Lucius had the majority of them under control I regained enough strength to get up and help him. We rounded them up and gave them orders to return straight to the Dark Lord's arranged place for them. They did as we said and left, but I could still feel their faces turned towards me. They knew I was…scared…that I was weak.
'My father insisted we went to the pub before returning home. We both needed a strong drink and we were both shaken. But I was much worse than him. I could barely speak. After that, he had to go and inform the Dark Lord of our success. I came home.'
'But you didn't come inside,' Hermione surmised, remembering the moonlit figure she'd found by the lake.
'No. I couldn't. I took a Portkey back and I stood where it left me - by the water. It was already dark by then and I stood there for hours. I couldn't…I couldn't come in and face my mother. I couldn't talk. I don't think I was even thinking. I felt so…empty…'
'And that's when I found you,' Hermione finished. Malfoy nodded slowly and turned his head to look at her.
'You saved me,' he said. Hermione blushed and looked away from his murky eyes.
'You would have come in eventually,' she mumbled, feeling embarrassed and out of place. But Malfoy shook his head.
'No. You really saved me.'
'What…what do you mean?' Hermione couldn't help but turn back to him and found that he was closer than she'd thought. His jaw line was tense as he spoke again.
'All my life I've lived like this,' he breathed softly. 'Compassion is something that was stamped out of me a long time ago. And last night, it all came flooding back to me. Empathy like I've never felt before. All because of you.'
Hermione didn't know what to say to that. She shifted uncomfortably and sat up, suddenly feeling flustered.
'I should go,' she muttered, pushing back the blankets that were confining her.
'No,' Malfoy commanded. He sat up too and put a hand on her shoulder, forcing her to be still. Hermione was enraptured by the intensity of his gaze.
'I'm not running this time and neither are you,' he whispered.
And in that moment Draco's eyes went straight through her and tore up her soul, rethreading the very lines of her existence and putting them back together in a whole new pattern. For those few seconds that stretched out into her entire life she wasn't Hermione Granger anymore. She was just a girl, coming to the realisation that the man before her was a complete stranger who she knew more intimately than herself.
As Draco leaned towards her there was no more resistance. There was no running, as he said, and there was no more pushing away. Instead, their two worlds were about to come crashing together at last.
Hermione's heart stuttered as Draco's lips collided with her own, forceful and commanding. Her soft mouth disappeared beneath his own and Hermione sighed in final release as he pushed her back down onto the bed.
His body covered hers completely, her tiny frame dominated by his strong physique. Draco pressed her against the pillows, his hands coming up to cup her face delicately between his warm hands. Hermione moaned as his tongue swept across her bottom lip, unable to deny him entrance, and gripped his solid sides tightly in her fingers.
As their kissing became more urgent so did her need to be closer to him. Gasping, Hermione broke her lips away from his and pushed him away so that she could rip the thick woollen jumper from his back. Draco raised his arms over his head, breathing heavily as he moved his face closer to Hermione's while she struggled with the jumper. He rested his forehead against hers and their eyes locked into each other, both impatient to continue their embrace.
Finally, Hermione pulled the jumper over Draco's head and his singlet quickly followed. As soon as he was free of his constraints Draco's hands were pulling her face towards him. Hermione kissed him back frenziedly, unable to take enough from his heated lips.
Her hands roamed his bare skin greedily, exploring the hardened grooves of his stomach and moulding against the solid planes of his chest. As her fingers found a nipple and squeezed impatiently Draco groaned deep into her mouth, pulling her even closer. His hands left her face and travelled down her sides, causing Hermione to shiver beneath him.
His hands caressed her waist and moved down to the hyper-sensitive skin of her silky thigh, pulling her dress several inches up her leg. Raising himself off of her, Draco dragged the rough fabric up her body, breathing raggedly as he watched her creamy skin being revealed to him. Hermione arched her back obediently and let him pull the dress over her head, throwing it to the floor.
Instantly his mouth found her torturingly smooth skin and he trailed kissed across her stomach, his hands holding her firmly in place as she squirmed restlessly beneath him. Hermione's thighs fell open in surrender and Draco slid himself in between her legs, groaning when her hips grated against his own. His mouth made its way painfully slowly up her stomach and to her chest, kissing what was revealed to him feverishly.
Hermione reached up to pull the straps of her bra off her shoulders, quickly rising her back to allow his hands to sneak behind her and take care of the rest. She gasped as his mouth locked onto her nipple and sucked gently, causing it to grow between his hot lips. Reaching up, she grabbed onto his hair and held him in place. As she pulled roughly on his flaxen locks a deep, guttural moan escaped from his throat and he moved up to capture her lips in a hard, ruling kiss.
His hands encircled her delicate breasts and squeezed gently as Hermione arched her back to him urgently. Her hands travelled down his neck and to his sturdy shoulders, gripping to him as she ground her hips against his pelvis.
Gasping, Draco pulled his mouth from hers in attempt to force more air into his lungs as an intense burning took him over from his loins. Hermione felt it as his stiffened member rubbed against her thigh, further enflaming the yearning between her legs. Her thighs encircled his waist and pulled the bottom half of his body even closer, causing him to grit his teeth against the uncontrollable need to take her right then. He needed to take it slow for her, make her comfortable.
Draco reached down and slowly slipped his fingers into the waistband of her underwear, watching her face to make sure that she was okay. Impatiently, Hermione raised herself off the bed to let him slip them down her legs. Draco took his time, every inch of skin seeming to take hours, until finally he slid them around her ankle and off her foot. He kissed his way back the other direction, hovering teasingly on the inside of her upper thigh.
Hermione moaned and reached out to pull him closer, but Draco stayed where he was. Very slowly, he lowered her leg and moved so that he was leaning over her. For a moment he did nothing but stare longingly into her eyes, and Hermione stared back. She knew that he was looking to her for consent, and slowly she gave it to him.
She reached up and tugged gently at his boxers, not daring to look down. With some difficulty she slid them over his swollen erection and down his legs, letting go so that he could kick them off.
With their eyes never leaving each other's, Draco carefully covered her tiny body with his own and leaned in to kiss her softly on the lips. She kissed him back fiercely, pouring all of her needs and wants into it.
Draco moved back to look at her again, and Hermione tried to control her breathing.
'I want to,' she whispered throatily, pushing her hips against him to reiterate her meaning.
Still staring at her, Draco moved his hips away from her and positioned his craving member at her entrance. Immediately he felt her warmth and wetness and he twitched in anticipation, desperate to be buried deep inside her.
With her hands gripping his hips tightly, Hermione held her breath in expectation of the pain and waited for him to take her. Slowly, painfully slowly, Draco slid himself into her waiting centre. Immediately her tight walls clinged to him and pulsed around his throbbing manhood, dragging a rough growl from his throat.
Hermione held him tightly, her eyes rolling back into her head as Draco slowly slid himself inside her. Every second was like pure pleasure, his warmth radiating through her entire body. As he paused momentarily, Hermione braced herself for the pain.
In one swift movement, Draco pushed himself through her last boundary. As Hermione cried out in pain he covered her mouth with his own, kissing her furiously. As her quiet whimperings faded away he leaned onto his elbows above her and gave her soft, delicate kisses.
Slowly, Draco began to drag himself out of her core and Hermione moaned in pleasure as he plunged back inside of her. His long, powerful weapon had her entirely surrendered as a low whining began in her throat. Her hips raised up to meet his and with every forceful but gentle thrust were forced back down onto the bed.
Draco buried his face in her neck and gritted his teeth, holding in a low groan that wanted to escape his body. She was so tight, so warm, so perfectly fitted to him that he didn't feel he could last much longer.
Hermione's legs wrapped around his back, holding him tightly in place as he carefully plunged deeper and deeper inside her. She had never known pleasure like this. The pain faded quickly and was overtaken by nothing but bliss and heat, both which took hold of her body and left her completely defenceless in her desire.
Never in her wildest and long-distant fantasies could she ever have imagined such a perfect moment, his undoubtable skill and confidence dominating her entirely. Hermione's arms trailed up to his clenched biceps and held on firmly, pulling his mouth closer so that she could possess it again.
Draco groaned into her lips and quickened his pace, feeling the end nearby. He wanted to bring her with him, and he was certainly the right man to accomplish the task. Adjusting his hips quickly and pushing his body further above her, Draco began to thrust more deeply inside of her, closing his eyes against the feel of her pulsating centre pulling him towards her.
Hermione let out a gasp of delight as the first wave of incomprehensible heat and force overcome her, nearly knocking her out with its intensity. Her nails dug into his skin as she began to whimper softly, the pleasure she was feeling new and overwhelming to her.
Draco's rhythm continued for several more, unbearably good minutes until he felt her coming to her peak. Hermione's breath caught in her throat as Draco filled her more quickly and completely. The feeling that was taking over her body was irresistible and consuming, but she didn't want it to end.
Letting out a long, low moan, Hermione's body began to quiver and shake. Above her, Draco took her lips in one last, fiery kiss as he went rigid inside her. At that very moment Hermione reached her peak and her insides tightened around his thick member. With Hermione's moans in his ears and her warm walls clenching around him, Draco filled her completely with his searing fluids and slowly stiffened.
Carefully, Draco rolled off of Hermione and laid himself at her side, breathing raggedly. Hermione, still overcome by the incredible range of emotions she'd just felt, lay staring up at the ceiling for a long time.
After what seemed like hours of frozen eternity she slowly turned her head to look at the man next to her. His eyes were closed, his face impartial to any kind of emotion she could read. At long last Hermione reached out and her fingers gently brushed against his cheek.
Draco started and looked over at her, raising an eyebrow in unspoken question.
'I just wanted…to see if you were really there,' Hermione mumbled, unable to look away from his eyes. She couldn't read them. It wasn't until a small, crooked smile crept across his lips that she knew what he was thinking.
'And what was your conclusion?' he asked softly. Hermione frowned back at him.
'That you are completely, inexplicably, undeniable real,' she replied. Draco frowned in response to her expression and opened his mouth to speak when the door to the room opened abruptly.
'Draco, we must talk about last ni -'
Lucius froze in his steps as Hermione quickly scrambled to hide herself beneath the sheets and Draco's mouth gaped open in horror.
'Ah, hello, Pearl,' Lucius said finally, a devilish sneer playing about his mouth. As Hermione nodded a humiliated hello back she heard a sharp intake of breath from beside her and looked over to see Draco staring between her and his father in confusion.
Of course…he doesn't know that everyone can still see me as Pearl.
'Forgive me for interrupting,' Lucius continued, still looking between them maliciously. 'But we must talk, Draco.'
'Fine,' Draco muttered, waving an impatient hand at his father. 'Give me a minute.'
'I'll be in my study.' With one last wolfish grin at Hermione, Lucius left.
Immediately Hermione's fists unclenched and she sank several inches further down into the bed.
'What just happened?' Draco said quietly, and Hermione wasn't sure if he was talking to her or not.
'It actually turns out that your spell worked a little too well. No re-casting seems to be necessary once you cast it the first time,' Hermione said matter-of-factly, intending to draw his attention back to her.
'That's not possible,' Draco replied instantly, sitting up and dragging his feet to the side of the bed. Hermione wasn't sure what to do, so she stayed in place beneath the sheets.
'It is,' she answered meekly, put off by his bold rebuff.
'It's not,' Draco said, glancing at her over his shoulder and frowning deeply. 'I know how to cast spells, and I didn't cast a Sticking Charm on you.'
'If…if you say so,' Hermione murmured, bowing her head. She didn't understand why he was protesting this so avidly when he had just seen the proof for himself that the spell had stuck.
Draco stood and walked around the bed to his wardrobe. Hermione watched silently as he pulled on a fresh pair of dark boxers, followed by a crisp, deep grey suit. Without checking in the mirror, he ran his fingers through his hair and appeared ready for the day ahead.
He turned back to Hermione and she bit her lip as she stared back into his brooding face.
'Why would he lie?' he muttered quietly, running his fingers through his hair again. He took a few steps away from her and then turned back, retracing his steps. Hermione watched silently as he muttered to himself quietly, frowning at the floor.
'No, he wouldn't have. He definitely saw Pearl. But how…?' Hermione tried to follow his quiet murmurs in confusion, her heartbeat slowly building as she waited for Draco's attention to return to her.
'Someone else must have…' Draco stopped pacing and looked up at her. 'When did you discover this?'
'Just yesterday,' Hermione answered quickly, almost frightened by the intensity in his gaze.
'How?' Draco went on without pausing.
'I went to meet your mother. The house elves told me I hadn't looked like me since the ball.'
Draco looked more surly than ever as he turned away from her again.
'Something's very wrong here. I have to figure this out…' he mused to himself, rubbing his temples as if fighting off a sudden headache. Hermione didn't feel well herself as she stared at his tensed frame.
They had just made love and now they were having a conversation about spells. And now he was leaving to go and talk with his father. Who had just walked in on them in bed together, which didn't seem to bother the young Malfoy at all. Like it was nothing.
'Well…I have to go,' he said at long last, avoiding her gaze. Hermione nodded silently and, holding the sheet tightly to her body, climbed out of bed and picked up her clothes. Draco turned around as she dressed and looked back at her only after she coughed discreetly.
'Right. So…I'll…I'll see you later,' he said awkwardly.
Hermione's face fell and she had to fight back tears as she nodded in reply. With her eyes closed, she didn't notice as Draco crossed the space between them and gently lifted her chin between his strong, warm fingers.
'I haven't forgotten last night,' he whispered to her. Hermione opened her eyes in surprise so it was not a shock to her when his rough lips pressed lightly against hers.
It was over before a second had passed, but still Hermione could feel his lips upon hers. Even as he crossed the room and she stayed rooted to the spot the electricity danced across her mouth.
Draco paused in the doorway, his face only half turned back towards her.
'And…I'm sorry,' he said quietly. Then he was gone.
Hermione stared after him for a long time, her fingers pressed against her tingling lips.
What was he sorry for? Was he apologising again for all the pain he'd caused her…or was he saying that he regretted what had just happened between them?
It seemed to Hermione that as their bodies had parted so had their minds, and his was just as impenetrable as ever to her once again. Why had he seemed so distant moments ago? But then why had he kissed her before he left?
Hermione sank to her knees as she found them unable to hold her up anymore. She had just made love to Draco Malfoy. And she had wanted to. She had wanted to so badly, and she had enjoyed every second of it. And he had appeared to as well…but then…nothing.
Was this just his way of relieving the stress of last night? Did he just feel bad for all the pain he'd caused her and decided to take pity on her poor, merciless body at last? Had the dementors finally unscrewed the last hinge in that complicated mind of his?
Or was this just the grand finale of his plan?
Was this what Draco Malfoy had wanted all along? To make her pity him and care for him?
No.
No.
NO.
She had looked into his eyes and for once seen nothing but sincerity there. This could not be false. He was truly sorry for all he'd done to her. And this morning…Hermione didn't know what this morning was to either of them.
Why did I let myself do that? she asked herself in utter incomprehension.
She had never imagined that she would be that intimate with a man other than Ron. Of course, that would never happen…but never in a hundred different lifetimes had she imagined making love to another man…particularly one that she didn't even love.
Because she didn't love him. Certainly, she was physically attracted to him. It was impossible not to be, and Hermione defied any woman on the Earth to meet this man and not find herself compelled by his unstoppable masculinity and beautiful face.
But Hermione had never been the kind of girl to sleep with a man just because he was good looking. Hadn't her virtue and her dating record proved that? Both of these things were redundant now, though…one long forgotten in a now-impossible past and the other recently lost in a surreal present.
Had she done it out of pity? No. She couldn't have enjoyed it so much if she had.
Relief that he had returned alive?
Well…maybe that was a part of it. Maybe that was just one little piece of a much bigger picture, one that Hermione wasn't quite ready to examine yet.
So one more time, in complete disarray and frustration, Hermione asked herself…Why did I let myself do this?
And the answer was simple.
Because sometimes you have to let yourself do things. Even if they might hurt you in the end.
--
Draco took his time as he walked through the house towards his father's study. He was in no way ready to be near anyone at this time. His thoughts were more than loud enough at this moment.
Whatever had just happened…he couldn't bear to unravel it. He didn't want to pull for that taunting little string, but he knew that he must.
I slept with Granger.
The mere memory of it had his body aching with warmth and coldness all in one. Warmth…because it had been indescribably good to be inside of her, to have her beneath him. She was finally his, after so so long, and what was more - she had given herself willingly…something he had never imagined happening in a million years.
And coldness…because what did he do now? He had dreamt of this moment for many months, planned it ruthlessly and incessantly…but now that it had come to pass it wasn't at all what he had imagined. He didn't feel victorious or triumphant. He just felt…
What? What, Draco, WHAT?
He paused along the hallway and turned to see that he was standing before a large silver-framed mirror. The man who stared back at him was completely unfamiliar, nothing at all like the monster who he sometimes saw. This time he was just Draco Malfoy.
But who was Draco Malfoy?
'Who is Draco Malfoy?' he whispered to the puzzled man before him. He had no answer.
Draco began walking again, a frown screwing across his face. He could not remember, in all his life, feeling as much like himself as he did in this moment. And this scared him more than anything…because after a life of evil, pain and terror, he didn't know who the hell he was.
Hermione Granger was bringing out the man inside him and he didn't know how to handle it. It was all so new to him…the compassion that had been stirring in him for weeks now, only finally breaking completely free of the surface last night in his living nightmare; the empathy that was still with him after the sunrise, which he had left a part of behind with the girl he now knew had faced worse than he ever had; the tenderness he had shown to her as he had made love to her.
Draco snorted. Made love. I don't "make love" to anybody.
And then there was the added problem that something or somebody had been tampering with his spells. Yet that made no sense at all. He was certain that he hadn't made a mistake when he'd cast it the first time. But there was no other explanation. He was just lucky that his parents hadn't happened to come across Hermione around the house over the last few weeks, or he would have had a lot to answer to and a lot of punishing to take. He needed to reverse the spell as quickly as possible before his luck ran out…explaining to his father why his girlfriend was polishing their silverware was definitely not something he needed right now.
But the Pearl mystery didn't seem so important right now. He now stood before the door to his father's study and paused for a moment. He could just keep walking, and decipher the endless cascade of emotions that was tumbling out of him.
…or he could go inside and put his mask back on once more.
I haven't forgotten last night, he'd said to her. And it was true, he hadn't. He just didn't want to deal with it right now. He didn't know how and he was too scared to try.
Malfoy's eyes were dark and empty as he opened the door to his father's study.
--
Hermione didn't feel her self as she stumbled about the kitchens that afternoon. She was finding it hard to concentrate, yet she was trying her best to ignore the thoughts squirming about her head.
She hadn't seen Malfoy since he'd left her in his room, nor did she know if she wanted to. A part of her was dying to know what he felt about her now. But a bigger part of her was terrified that she would be hurt again. Being with him had been wonderful, fearless…but as the minutes dragged by and his warmth crept away from her Hermione began to doubt more and more that she had really read his true feelings in his face.
After all, he was the charmer, the seducer. And he had finally succeeded in seducing her. Maybe this is what he did to every woman…
Hermione shook her head angrily from side to side, hard enough to make her vision wobble.
Snap out of it. Don't think about him.
As she forced her eyes to focus solely on stirring the large saucy mixture before her, she began to recite to herself the second chapter of Hogwarts: A History. She didn't pause for anything, not even to let herself interrupt.
The elves watched their friend slightly worriedly. They could tell that something was different about her, though they had no idea what. Apart from her changed appearance, which they were now used to, she seemed strangely distant today. Distant and…confused? But almost happy in a way…no, Flopsy thought, not happy…hopeful.
'Hermione?' he asked tentatively, prodding her gently in the small of her back. Hermione didn't respond, she was so engrossed in the text that was travelling purposefully through her head.
'We hopes you is ok,' Flopsy whispered quietly, backing away slowly. He would leave her be. She would deal with whatever she was thinking about, just like she always did. She was Hermione. What hadn't she forced herself through yet?
--
Chapter Fourteen: The Founder's Dreams Come True.
Hermione lay on her back, staring up at the damp ceiling above her. She hadn't paused her recital once all night, and it was now well into the morning. But she was nowhere near sleep, so she kept going.
It was after extensive preparation and co-operation that the four Hogwarts Founders were finally able to put forth the bill to the Ministry of Magic and present their case. They believed that their school would some day produce the best and brightest, kindest and most powerful witches and wizards. The Ministry of Magic had some concerns, however…
Sighing, Hermione sat up.
I can't do this any more. I need to see him.
And before she could stop herself again Hermione was out of bed and treading carefully through the kitchens and up the stairs. She didn't know what was leading her, but she felt that he wouldn't be in his room tonight. He would be the same place she had found him this same time about twenty-four hours ago.
As she crept through the house and pushed open the doors to the gardens her eyes instantly found what they were looking for. He was as unmistakeable as ever, his figure half-camouflaged in the darkness as he stood by the lake.
As Hermione approached she suddenly feared that he wouldn't remember this morning. He looked identical to what he had last night…what if she had simply dreamt up all the rest? And that in fact, as she walked towards him now, none of the last twenty-four hours had actually happened?
'Malfoy?' she called as she came to a stand still several feet away from him. She held her breath, expecting to look into his face and see the ruined man she had found the night before…
'I thought you might come,' he said, sighing as he turned to face her. Hermione breathed out a sigh of relief, thankful that her imagination hadn't dreamt up those recent events. She surveyed his face, anxious to interpret his feelings in that moment.
He was as impossible as ever, though.
'I couldn't sleep,' she admitted finally, as he didn't speak again. He regarded her for a long moment before nodding slowly.
'Neither could I,' he said. Hermione listened for the frustration, the annoyance…but she didn't catch a note of anything in his tone.
'I…I couldn't think straight, either,' she went on quickly, knowing that she would regret it later if she didn't say what she was thinking right now. Malfoy sighed again but didn't reply.
'Did you find out anything about the…the spell on me?' Hermione prompted him, wanted to hear his voice again.
'No. I guess I just made a mistake,' Malfoy replied, yet his monotone voice suggested that he didn't believe that himself. 'Which reminds me…'
He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wand, causing Hermione to flinch slightly as he pointed it into her face.
'Finito Incantatem,' he recited, and Hermione felt a slight tingle as she was unmasked at last.
'Why do that now?' she asked, feeling her face as if expecting to feel a change.
'I can't have one of my parents finding you dressed as a slave in our house,' Malfoy said. Hermione nodded, internally hitting herself for not seeing such an obvious thing. It was very fortunate that this hadn't happened already.
At his mention of the word 'slave' both of them fell into an uneasy quiet.
'I think we should…talk,' Hermione said at last, confused by his silence. Does he want me to leave? she wondered in a panic.
'Yes,' Malfoy agreed. 'I guess we should.'
When he didn't go on, Hermione supposed it was up to her to start. She had no idea where to go from here, though. This was completely uncharted territory to her, but surely to him it was just another night's work.
'I…I just need to know,' she said breathlessly. Her heart was thudding painfully in her chest, preparing her for the possibility of pain. 'I need to know if you meant what you said last night.'
For a long moment Malfoy was silent, and Hermione couldn't read his face as it had fallen into shadow. As she was preparing to speak again, he finally took a deep breath and answered.
'I did,' he said softly. Her heart sped up and Hermione nodded as calmly as she could.
'Ok. Then I also need to know what…what this morning meant…to you.'
They were some of the hardest words she'd ever had to say, and she was thankful for the darkness that was covering her blush. She stared at the ground at his feet as she waited for his reply. After what seemed like an hour, his deep voice finally pierced the silence.
'What do you think it meant to me?' Malfoy asked, his tone genuinely curious. He hadn't expected this of Granger…He had expected anger, regret, rage. But she seemed just as confused as he was.
Hermione let out a small noise of irritation at his answer and looked up at him. The darkness covered the look of barely disguised desperation that had overcome her face.
'Please, Malfoy, please will you just tell me…I can't take anymore…anymore of this…please…'
Malfoy took a step towards her in alarm. He was surprised by her outburst, by the real defeat that shook her voice. And he knew that he just had to tell her the truth.
'What did it mean to me? Honestly?' he paused for a moment, the regret obvious in his tone. 'I don't know.'
Hermione couldn't hide the disappointment she felt by his answer. And she didn't doubt him, either.
'How can you not know? It should be simple for you - either it meant nothing or it meant something, Malfoy.' A tinge of anger had hit her voice now, and Malfoy bristled at the sound of it.
'You think it's that simple, Granger?' he said, firing up himself. 'You think I'm like that, like I only have two gears and nothing in between?'
'Don't you?' Hermione challenged, crossing her arms over her chest as she glowered up at the outline of his face.
'No,' Malfoy snapped. 'I have more than two gears, alright? And right now, I'm in neutral, so don't go telling me that it's that simple for me!'
'What…what do you mean you're in neutral?' Hermione asked in confusion. His anger surprised her…why did he seem as worked up as her?
Malfoy sighed loudly and turned to walk closer to the lake. Hermione followed after him and gripped his arm to stop him. But as their skin connected, and a sudden heat rushed through them both, she let go of him quickly. Malfoy turned back to her, breathing heavily.
'Look, Granger…' he started again, the anger ebbing away from him slowly as though her touch had served to calm him down from his rage. 'I'll admit that maybe I did used to just have two gears. One gear, in fact. And that gear was called "Me, Me, Me." But now…you've pulled me into another place, one that was buried a long time ago. And I feel…I feel…'
'You feel what, Malfoy?' Hermione prompted him breathlessly, desperate to see a little more insight into him.
'I feel stuck. Between the me that I know and the me that you've brought alive inside me. And I don't know which is the real me. I'm just stuck in neutral. I'm stuck.'
Hermione took a moment to digest this. Malfoy claimed that she had awoken the real person inside him…the human person. And he didn't know how to handle it.
'I don't know what to say,' she said at last, still trying to believe that all of what was happening was really real.
Malfoy laughed suddenly, but there was no warmth to it at all.
'You don't have to say anything. I didn't ask for your help, Granger. Don't think that because of last night I'm going to come running to you with all my problems. Don't think that I'm suddenly a changed man, ok? I'm still Malfoy and you're still Granger. Master and slave.'
Hermione didn't answer straight away. Firstly she had nothing to say to this statement, because while it did feel like he was turning her away, it completely contradicted everything else he just said. And she knew him better than that now.
'That's fine, Malfoy. And don't you think that I was expecting you to suddenly fall in love with me or something either, ok? Because despite what happened this morning - which now you've completely ruined, by the way - I really don't want to help you with your problems, and I don't like you or anything, so before you get any crazy, masochistic ideas -'
'What did you say?' Malfoy interrupted quietly, looking down at her with a sudden intensity that hadn't been there before.
'I said that before you get any crazy, masochistic ideas about -'
'No,' Malfoy shook his head. 'Before that.'
'I…I don't want to help you with your problems?' Hermione said, feeling thoroughly confused and affronted that the tables had suddenly been turned back around onto her.
'Before that,' Malfoy said breathlessly, his expression strange in the moonlight. Hermione felt puzzled as she thought back to what she had just said.
'That you…that you've completely ruined this morning,' she said softly. 'So what?'
Malfoy shook his head disbelievingly and stared over her head out into the dark water beyond.
'What, Malfoy?' Hermione said again, feeling overwhelmed by the way the conversation kept turning around and jumping on her. Malfoy smiled slightly strangely, staring off into the distance with his hands on his hips. 'Why is that important at all?'
'It's important,' Malfoy said, turning back to look at her with the same strange smile on his face. 'Because you can only ruin something that's good.'
Hermione suddenly realised that his smile was strange because it was a conflicted smile. There was something about it that was so supremely sad, yet at the same time it was…hopeful.
'So what?' Hermione whispered, the conversation becoming too much for her as Malfoy was tearing the truth out of her slowly and painfully. 'So what if it was good for me? So what if it meant something to me? I've never…I've never felt that way before…never been so close to someone in my entire life…and then now we're standing here and we're not close at all. We're as far from it as it's possible to be.'
A tear trickled down her cheek but Hermione didn't bother to wipe it away as she began to back away. Evidently, Malfoy had gotten all that he wanted to hear from her and their conversation was over. She would just go now and try and deal with the truth that she now had admitted to herself…
But Malfoy wasn't going to let her.
In less than a stride he had her arms sealed tightly between his hands and his lips were pressed against hers. For a moment Hermione was numb with shock, but then she was kissing him back frantically, desperate to try and pull some sense out of what was happening before her heart exploded with all of the emotions passing through it.
After the kiss had gone on long enough to warm Hermione to her very core, she pulled herself from his grasp and took a step away to stare up at him. Malfoy…or was it now Draco…stared back at her for a moment.
'Come to my room,' he said, taking Hermione by complete surprise.
'What?' she said in shock, blinking several times to make sure he was really there and really looking at her like that.
'Come to my room with me,' he said again. Hermione shook her head in disbelief.
'N - no,' she said firmly, backing away as steadily as she could.
'Please,' he urged her, reaching out towards her. But Hermione would not change her mind.
'Not tonight. I need…I need to think.'
Draco said nothing but stared at her, his face hidden in the gloom of the night.
'So...' Hermione began. But then she stopped herself. So, where does all this leave us? she was going to say. But she knew he didn't have the answer to that.
Before he could poison her mind with more crazy thoughts, Hermione turned and ran. She wasn't quite sure if she felt more confused going into the conversation or leaving it.
All she did know that now there were two of him. Malfoy she knew and hated well. But Draco…she didn't trust herself around him. And as his lips had touched hers, she truly didn't know which person she was kissing…
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At last! After a lot of teasing...finally they got together. I really enjoyed writing that because it felt really special to me. I hope you all liked it as well. Now please, feel free to overwelm me again with such an AMAZING number of reviews that I actually might cry...I'm not even joking, you guys make me feel so special! Please let me know what you think! Lots of love xx