Thank you again for the sweet reviews from my regulars and new readers! They are so much fun to read, helping me keep this Linseride train rolling. Glad you're not getting sick of this one. Ha! Hope you enjoy!
Kelly never thought he'd be the one fighting to have Javi stay, be a permanent fixture in their home, be the one to say the words that he figured they both were thinking.
"He isn't a stray Kelly. We can't just keep him because we want to. It isn't that simple," Erin reasoned. Surprised didn't begin to cover the emotions sweeping over her since she came home to two boys sitting on the couch, eating half the contents of the fridge. She kept telling herself that her situation had been so different. Hank rescued her when she was 15, this was a young boy who needed much, much more.
"I ain't sayin' it's simple. I know it's not, but we gotta do somethin'. That kid is not going back there," Kelly had drawn his line and was not backing down on this one. The dimples, those eyes, had a way of swaying things in the detective's favor. Not this time. His arms were as crossed as hers. His brow as furrowed and his jaw as tightly clenched.
"I will find a better place for him. He needs a mom and dad. Not us," Erin said quietly. "Not me."
"What the hell are you talkin' about? Not you? That's about the dumbest thing you've ever said," Kelly's voice was booming now. Their screaming matches could launch into epic proportions, this one threatening a new decibel level from the fireman.
"Do I need to say it?" Erin struck back, moving closer to her husband. "You really want me to say it?" her voice now matching his. "Fine. I have made it painfully obvious to everyone we know that I am NOT mother material. I've proven that cold, hard fact a million ways to Sunday. I didn't have one maternal instinct kick in. I don't have any. Yes, you did. You bought all those little outfits, had your little calendar! What did I do? I'll tell you what I did!" The rage in Erin's eyes left Kelly speechless. "I chose my job over my baby! I chose work over our baby! And now, now, our baby is, our baby…" Erin's words faded away as the rage exhaled out of her, leaving a heavy sadness. The silence shattered around them like broken glass, both being afraid to say one thing, make one move for fear of hurting themselves, each other.
Kelly spoke first, "Babe, you were excited about our baby. Don't say you weren't." He stepped toward his wife, scrubbing a hand over his short hair almost nervously. "Our baby deserves that," he added softly, reaching out to Erin, taking her in his grip.
Lindsay let herself feel Kelly's powerful and sure arms encircle her small body. She felt the familiar sense of comfort and safety as he pulled her against his chest.
"You ain't rewritin' history babe. I'm not gonna let you do that," he whispered. "You wanted our baby as much as I did."
If only I could rewrite history, Erin thought ruefully, her stomach turning as she willed her knees to not give out.
"Miss Shay," Javier began hesitantly waiting for some indication from the blonde to continue. He got it in the form of a highly arched brow.
"I've been thinking and I was just wonderin' why is your boyfriend a girl instead of a boy?" Javi looked genuinely baffled.
Shay snorted so loudly, the little boy knew he hadn't made his babysitter mad. He smiled at the response, his body relaxing a bit. Always used to walking on eggshells, always trying to be perfect so no one blew a fuse. Even at seven he realized that almost everyone in his life had a short one.
"Hasn't anyone ever had 'the talk' with you, J?" Shay asked looking for some sign of 'oh yeah, the talk' in his eyes. Nothing. Javi just shook his head no, waiting for this mysterious talk.
"Shit," she muttered to the disapproving big, brown eyes before her. "Maybe you should ask Severide when you get home." Shay hoped he would accept this.
"But shouldn't you tell me since I'm asking about you?"
Damn kid logic, thought Shay. Here goes nothing… "Well kid, love's love…" and Leslie launched into her story of being attracted to girls her whole life, didn't make her weird or worse than anyone else or better than anyone else, just different than most people. She gave up a little too much information on the whole trying to date high school boys, but she figured Kelly would thank her later, the whole killing two birds with one stone thing.
"So, you got any questions?"
Javi had so many questions he didn't know where to start. He shook his head no instead settling back into the puzzle he was working on. He didn't know grown-ups did puzzles. He hadn't seen too many in his short life, but here was a huge one laid out on Shay's dining room table.
He narrowed an eye concentrating on the box, a puzzle piece between his tiny fingers. "Miss Holly is pretty," he said absentmindedly trying to force the piece into a spot it didn't go.
"You have very good taste, sir. I would have to agree with you on that one." Shay snatched the piece from his fingertips finding a better home for it in the far corner. She guessed Erin might not fully appreciate the puzzle they were doing - a Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover circa 1989 - but oh well. She felt pretty certain her best friend would wholeheartedly approve.
Shay had tried to gather some information from those piercing Kelly eyes when she swung by to pick up the little guy after a 911 text saying he needed to talk to his wife alone. They didn't look like they were fighting, so that added to the mystery. She was also pretty sure that Javi had a wonderful new home with a mom and a dad and a white picket fence out front, so what he was doing at the Severide homestead was beyond her. She kept peeking at her phone knowing there hadn't been one telling buzz, but she couldn't help anxiously checking it every few minutes.
"So are you visiting Mr. Kelly today? Baseball practice?" Shay asked watching as her guest visibly tensed up. She figured it was her turn to do some questioning, "Did something happen?"
Javi's brown eyes filled up as his too small frame launched into her lap. He divulged the whole story of how Mr. Frank liked his drinks, liked to hit things, little seven-year-old things, how Miss Evelyn would camp out in her bedroom locking her door no matter how many times he knocked on it. He told how Mr. Kelly came to save him and "knocked Mr. Frank's lights out" with hero worship lighting up his eyes, and finally he said he thought Miss Erin was going to make him leave.
"I can be better, Miss Shay. I promise. Maybe if you talk to Miss Erin, she won't wanna get rid of me."
"Oh, baby, Erin doesn't want to get rid of you." Shay pulled Javier in tighter, his skinny arms squeezing her arms. If those damn Severides don't take this one, I'm claiming him, she thought with a smile, picturing Holly's face. She could see that skeptical look matching her fiery red hair.
"Erin talks about you all the time, J. She's gonna be a part of your life forever," Shay said, lifting his face up to hers.
"They won't lose me. I'll stay close, I promise," Javi pleaded, his big brown eyes spilling over with seven years of dashed hopes and heartache.
"They know you're a good boy. Kelly says you're the best kid he knows. They're not afraid you'll run off." Shay's heart was breaking, searching for the right words, thinking her best friend owed her a hell of a lot more than a drink. This called for a full on bar crawl.
"But I heard Miss Erin saying she lost the baby. I know it wasn't her fault. I bet someone took the baby."
Shay was at a loss, what to say? What would Kelly want her to reveal to the little boy? She settled on the truth.
"J, Erin and Kelly's baby isn't lost," she struggled over wording, "he, uh, died…" Another long pause filled the air. "They are really, really sad about it. They're trying to get happy again, but..."
Javi didn't let her finish her sentence, just squeezing tighter. Leslie held the little boy for a long while, knowing hugs must've been few and far between at the crack house he called home. Once the crying ebbed slightly, Shay pushed him off her lap a little, making a move to get up.
"Okay, enough of this," she said wiping her own eyes. "I say ice cream before dinner. But no snitchin' on me. Got it?"
Javi shook his head yes, a smile back on his face. Puzzle pieces were falling into place for the young boy tonight beyond the puzzle lying on the table.
If you don't keep this kid, he's mine.
The text from Shay came right after Erin agreed to talk to Javi's caseworker to test the waters, see if they'd even qualify as adoptive parents. A couple, both with dangerous jobs couldn't look good to the DCFS. Erin figured they'd have a better shot at fostering first then maybe work into the actual adopting, so many ifs, and the biggest one was her ability to be a mom. Thunderous doubts rattling in Erin's brain, unfamiliar territory all brought on the minute the doctor in the ER announced she was pregnant, never leaving, magnifying and spreading into her soul.
She could see Kelly's worried eyes after her Harrison-induced accident, that worry compounded when the doctor came in with a look saying something was up. But how Kelly had gone from fear to elation with those "You're pregnant" words.
The hope he exuded, the calendar, the outfits, just the damn smile … all trampled with a slip on the ice. Now, the look was back and it scared Erin. She knew she couldn't live up to that hope.
"Shay says she's keepin' Javi," Kelly said breaking the spell Erin was in, and there was all that hope again, crooked grin in place and eyes shining.
"I think she's gonna have a fight on that one," Erin answered.
Kelly was all talk and plans and excitement … "We gotta go shop tomorrow, we left all his shit at that asshole's house, and his room needs some work."
"One thing at a time, Kel. Let me call the social worker, Mrs. Sandoval, tomorrow and get this thing going. Maybe Shay can drive you around. It doesn't all have to be done in 24 hours."
"I know, babe. Just wanna make him feel like he's home. You shoulda seen the guy, what a piece of sh…" Kelly rubbed his neck absentmindedly.
"Slow down, hero. I need you to take care of yourself first. We're calling Stinson. I wanna make sure you didn't do anything when you laid the guy out."
"Yeah, whatever. Hey, I can call Benny and get all my old Cubs stuff, you know, from my room. He's probably got the shit in some box somewhere, right?" he asked thinking about his grandmother's ring tossed thoughtlessly in a pile of crap, between some lace doilies and ceramic knick knacks. The ring Erin wore every day.
"What about you see your surgeon and do nothing all day? Will you do that for me?"
The dimples and those hazel eyes were working their magic this time. Kelly would've agreed to almost anything. He'd gotten Erin to give in, didn't happen much, but he'd done it. He walked over to her, pushing her hair to the side, kissing her neck softly.
"Oh, no way, Kelly. You can keep it in your pants because that is not happening tonight," Erin insisted pushing her husband away gently, her raspy laugh ringing out.
"That is definitely happening tonight," he growled moving in closer, his lips lingering at her lips. "We'll be careful," he pleaded, bringing his wet mouth on hers.
"Oh, God," she moaned, his hands moving down her back. "Damn you, Severide."
Kelly laughed, two wins in one night. New record. "Try not to hurt me this time," he teased, pulling them both to the floor.