CHAPTER 21

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The Doctor's Divorce

In the time it took him to make it back to Seleron in the TARDIS, the Doctor was slapped by Clara at least half a dozen more times. He had never seen her so angry in all of the time that he had known her which admittedly wasn't that long. She just wouldn't stop screaming at him about what had happened, and he was actually beginning to seriously consider voluntarily regenerating into a body with no ears just so he wouldn't have to listen to her anymore.

"I cannot believe that you would do this to me. I don't want to be married right now, and even if I did it wouldn't be to you. What were you thinking? Were you even thinking at all? If you don't find a way to get us divorced, I'll divorce you the easy way. I'll kill you as many times as it takes until death do us part!" Clara screamed at him.

Then her eyes widened as she realized what she had just said, and she immediately hugged the Doctor tightly and started to apologize profusely to him. She became very upset, and the Doctor could feel her violently shaking all over her body.

"I didn't mean that! I'm so sorry! It's just that I'm very, very upset right now. I'd never hurt you, Doctor. I'm sorry!" Clara said in a choked up voice.

The Doctor returned her hug and gently kissed her on the forehead as he said, "I know. It's alright, Clara. I'll find a way to get us out of this I promise. I'm the one who should be sorry. I really didn't mean for this to happen. It was an honest mistake."

"I guess if we can't get this marriage undone somehow, I'll just have to start calling myself Clara Smith, huh? How about Mrs. Doctor?" Clara said as she tried to joke about the situation in order to relieve her stress.

"Rose already has a claim on Mrs. Doctor. She never uses it though. I think it's cool myself. I do like the name Clara Smith though. Rose didn't want to take that name. I can understand why because it's not really my last name, but it would be nice if she had. Even I have to admit that Rose Smith just doesn't sound right though," the Doctor said as he played along.

"Why can't I be Mrs. Doctor too if I want to be? Does she have that name copyrighted or something?" Clara joked.

"I suppose you could if you wanted to. I'm sure Rose wouldn't mind," the Doctor said with a warm smile.

"Doctor, I hate to even bring this up, but I don't want to . . . ," Clara started to say before she stopped, and her face started to become extremely red.

"Clara, are you okay? You look sick," the Doctor said in concern.

"I . . . There's something that I want to say to you, but I'm too embarrassed to bring it up. It's about the marriage," Clara said.

"What about it?" the Doctor asked.

Clara started to look pale, and the Doctor became even more concerned for her as she said, "You know that thing that couples do on their honeymoon?"

"Yeah. What about it?" the Doctor said as he gave her a blank look.

"I don't want to do that," Clara said.

"Do what?" the Doctor said as he started to look confused.

"What couples do on their honeymoon, Doctor? You do know what I'm talking about, right?" Clara said in exasperation as she started to feel like killing him for being so dense.

"No, I'm not following," the Doctor said.

Clara felt like screaming as she said, "You know. They consummate the relationship?"

The Doctor's eyes went wide as he finally got what Clara was trying to say, and now it was his face's turn to go red as he stammered," N-n-n-no, I would never expect you to do that."

"I didn't think that you would. I just wanted to get that out there, Doctor. I can't do that, Doctor. I wouldn't feel right about it. You belong to Rose not me. Also, I'm not attracted to you. Not at all. Not in the slightest," Clara said.

The Doctor looked both hurt and relieved by this at the same time, and Clara's heart immediately went out to him. She hadn't meant to hurt his feelings. She just wanted to make her position on the issue crystal clear. Even to someone as dim as the Doctor could be at times.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. That's just how I feel," Clara said in a gentle voice.

"I feel the same way about you, Clara. I just wouldn't have been so blunt about it in your case. I mean I think that you're very pretty. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't do that with you though.

Just the thought if it makes me sick. I mean the very idea is just repulsive," the Doctor said as he suddenly had a disgusted look on his face.

Now it was Clara's turn to be insulted as she said, "Thanks! I appreciate that."

The Doctor realized for once exactly what he had done and immediately hugged Clara as he said, "I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry. Anyone else would be extremely lucky to find themselves suddenly married to you. Anyone else but me that is. I just don't feel that way about you. It's nothing to be insulted about. You're like my sister, Clara. That's what I was trying to say. It's disgusting to me because you're my family."

Clara smiled a wide grin at that as she immediately returned his hug and kissed his cheek. He could be very socially awkward sometimes even with someone that he felt as closely to as her, but he always managed to get his point across sooner or later and let her know that his hearts were in the right places.

"So we're agreed. We're married in name only if it does turn out that we can't undo it. I'll still expect half of the TARDIS though and an equal share of the fish fingers and custard every day," Clara joked.

"You'll get my fish fingers over my dead body," the Doctor said with a grin.

The two of them were still laughing as the TARDIS finally materialized on Seleron. Now it was time to find out whether or not this planet had a concept of a divorce or not. The Doctor had to admit that even if they didn't it could have been so much worse. He could have accidentally married Jackie. Now that would have been a nightmare. If that had happened, he would have gladly sent the TARDIS hurtling into the nearest star with the shields down.

Back on Gallifrey, Rose was still spending the day with her new guests, Merlin, Cara, Jo, and Castiel. They were all making her feel so much better about having to be trapped in her room alone because she was on bed rest.

"So you're serious? He actually did that?" Jo asked in disbelief.

"Yep. I could not make this stuff up," Rose said with a chuckle.

"How do you put up with him? If he were mine, I'd have to kill him. I mean I would just beat the living snot out of him," Jo said.

"He didn't do it on purpose, Jo. It's just the kind of thing that he does sometimes. He makes mistakes just like we all do," Rose said.

"I don't know about anyone else here, but I've never done anything that crazy in my life," Jo said.

"You're a saint, Rose. You must be to put up with that kind of thing on a constant basis," Cara said.

"No, she's not," Castiel said.

"Not what?" Cara asked.

"A saint. I know the names of every saint in existence. Rose Tyler is not one of them. I could see if she deserves to be canonized in the future though if you really think that her behavior warrants sainthood," Castiel said with a completely serious expression on his face.

"He's joking, right?" Merlin asked as he looked at Castiel as if he were insane.

"No, I'm afraid not. He takes things very literally. You have to careful what you say around him," Jo said as she put an affectionate arm around a clearly confused Castiel.

"Did I say something wrong?" Castiel asked.

"Don't worry about it, Cas. It's fine," Jo said in a gentle voice.

"Good. I wouldn't want to be misunderstood. I'm still learning to think more like a human in order to understand them better, and I haven't gotten all of the subtle nuances of human thought down yet," Castiel said.

"It's okay. You're doing great, Cas," Jo said encouragingly.

"Yeah, you're not super weird at all," Merlin said.

"Merlin!" Cara said.

Castiel was not insulted though. He was smiling as he had taken what Merlin had said literally. He was very pleased with himself.

Suddenly King Arthur popped up out of nowhere and looked around him with a confused look on his face as he said, "Merlin, are you behind this? If you are, I'm going to have to hurt you. A lot! I was right in the middle of an important meeting with all of the Kings surrounding Camelot when I just suddenly disappeared and found myself here."

"Sorry, Arthur! I think that was me. My powers are a bit wonky lately because I'm sick. I think that my bringing you here must have been some kind of delayed reaction to attempting to bring Merlin here instead," Rose apologized.

"Who are you then? Another friend of Merlin's with magic then? Where is this place anyway?" Arthur asked.

"My name's Rose and I'm not a witch although I have been called one on various occasions. I do have powers, but they're not magical in nature. This is my home on the planet Gallifrey. Don't worry. You're safe here," Rose explained.

"I'm not worried at all. Just annoyed. Very, very annoyed! Are you sure that Merlin's not behind this somehow?" Arthur said in what almost sounded like disappointment.

"No, for once he's in the clear, Arthur," Cara said.

Now Arthur for sure looked disappointed as he said, "Well, alright then. I guess we're all entitled to a few mistakes every now and then."

"What a hypocrite! If it had been me that did it, I'd have never heard the end of it," Merlin said.

"That's because you do that kind of thing all of the time, Merlin. I don't know how Cara puts up with you. She must be a saint," Arthur said.

Castiel started to open his mouth, and Jo quickly put her hand over it as she said, "Don't even think about it."

"I'd really like to go home now if you don't mind, Miss Rose," Arthur said.

"Your wish is my command. Don't worry about your meeting. They won't notice a thing. It'll be as if you never left," Rose said as her eyes glowed with energy and Arthur vanished.

"I guess that Cara and I should be going too then. I hope that you feel better, Rose," Merlin said.

"Thanks. See you both later then. It was nice meeting you, Cara," Rose said as she sent the two of them back to Camelot.

"We really should be getting back too. I've still got some angel posterior to kick back home," Jo said with a smile.

Castiel looked at her with alarm as he said, "I didn't err that severely, did I?"

"No, not you, Cas. I meant Raphael," Jo said with a sigh.

"Oh. That's better then," Cas said with a look of relief on his face.

Jo smiled at him and gave him an affectionate hug as she said, "Bye, Rose."

"See you two later then, Jo," Rose said as she sent the two angels back home as well.

Rose silently laughed to herself. Jo deserved a nomination for sainthood herself in Rose's opinion. Putting up with Castiel couldn't be any easier than having to deal with the Doctor.

At least she wasn't married to him though. Not that that was a bad thing. She wouldn't trade her life with the Doctor for anything. She'd gladly take all of his screw-ups any day over one single day without him. She'd already done that for far too long already. That would never happen to them again. Not if she could help it.

Rose smiled as she heard the sound of the TARDIS materializing in the middle of the room, and she turned toward it with eager anticipation as she awaited the news that the Doctor was about to bring her. She began to idly wonder if she were going to have to have a talk with Clara about using the title 'Mrs. Doctor'. She wasn't about to share that name with anyone else not even Clara. They'd have to ply it out of her cold dead hands first.

She instantly began to relax as soon as Clara came running out of the TARDIS with a huge grin all over her face. She ran up to Rose and jumped up and down like a child at Christmas as she shouted, "The marriage was annulled. It was declared null and void. It never existed according to the laws of Seleron."

"How did you do it? I need to know just in case he ever does something like this again," Rose asked with a mischievous grin on her face.

"Well, the Doctor and I both went there to beg and plead to be let out of the marriage, and they started to ask us a series of questions to determine in their minds whether we were eligible to be divorced or not under their laws. It was starting to look grim for a while there until they finally got to the most important question. They asked us if we had ever consummated the marriage, and we both shook our heads vehemently with disgust on our faces while the Doctor told them how I was like his family. They instantly declared the marriage null and void immediately. They somehow got the idea from our reaction that we just weren't that into each other," Clara said with a grin.

"So it's all over then?" Rose asked.

"Yes, it is. It's wonderful, isn't it?" Clara said as she began to dance around the room with joy.

Rose knew that something was wrong though when the Doctor never came out of the TARDIS. She didn't want to tell Clara however and spoil her good mood. Not just yet anyway. She wondered what had happened now. She almost dreaded to ask.

The Doctor poked his head out of the TARDIS as he said, "Rose, I need to talk to you. In private. Please?"

Rose went inside and shut the door as the Doctor said, "We got a divorce alright, but it wasn't as simple as Clara thinks it is."

"I gathered. So what did you do this time? Come on. Spill it, Doctor," Rose said.

"I told them that I lied about being married to Clara to protect her from unwanted attention. They asked me who she was to me that I would do such a thing for her, and I answered that she was like family to me. They must have misunderstood what I said or something because when they annulled the marriage they listed our relationship to each other wrong on the official annulment form," the Doctor said.

"What did they put on the form?" Rose asked.

"They listed Clara as my . . . ," the Doctor said as he trailed off in a very low voice. He said the last word in a voice so low that Rose couldn't hear him.

"Your what?" Rose demanded.

"They thought that the reason that I lied to protect her was because I was her father. They listed her as my daughter," the Doctor said with an embarrassed look on his face.

Rose burst out laughing and couldn't stop. She couldn't believe this. Only the Doctor could mess things up this badly.

"Rose, this is serious. She's legally our daughter now. Now I have to go all the way back there and fix it. Again," the Doctor said with a sigh.

"Don't bother," Clara said as she suddenly entered the TARDIS.

"You're not mad?" the Doctor asked in surprise.

"No, just so very tired. I don't want to go back there anymore. I just want to quit while I'm ahead. The next time that we go back there I might wind up being listed as your mom or something. Let's just let it go, Doctor. If you start trying to tell me what to do though, I'll split your lip. Got it?" Clara said with a smile.

"Got it. I'm sorry, Clara. I didn't mean for this happen," the Doctor said as he apologized to her . . . again.

"It's alright. We are family, Doctor. Now it's official. I just wish that I had been made your sister instead. I wouldn't have minded that so much," Clara said as she smiled at him.

"Me either. So do you want to go on a new adventure somewhere then? I promise I won't get married to you again. At least, I'll try very hard not to anyway," the Doctor said.

"Anything you want, Dad," Clara said as she teased him.

"Don't call me that. It's just not right," the Doctor said with a frown.

"Whatever you say, Dad," Clara said as Rose left the TARDIS shaking her head at them.

"Clara, that's just not cool," Rose could hear the Doctor say just before the TARDIS dematerialized.

Now that Rose was finally alone at last, Cassie reappeared just as she had promised to do earlier.

"I take that you know by now, don't you?" Cassie asked with a grin.

"I certainly do. So does the Doctor ever get this fixed?" Rose asked.

"I'll give you a hint, Mum. The Clara of my time likes to joke around sometimes and call me her little sister," Cassie said.

The two of them looked at each other in silence for a moment, and then they both burst out laughing together at once. They embraced each other even as they continued to laugh, and Rose suddenly felt completely happy in that moment without a worry in the world. It would become one of her favorite memories. She would always remember that day as one of the happiest in her life.

Next: Elizabeth and Wilf return to visit the Doctor along with the recently regenerated Emmy. Everything's going fine until something happens that scares the Doctor more than a Dalek. His mother starts to give birth. What will the Doctor do?