Chapter 21

Kahlan woke again, this time to the feel of warm magic gently filtering through her body and warming her core. It made her senses tingle with the calming sensation washing over her, healing what had been broken. But there were some things that could never be healed, not even with magic.

She opened her eyes to find Nicci leaning over her, the sorceress's hands out stretched over her body as she worked. The former Sister of the Dark looked exhausted, not doing much better than Kahlan felt at that moment.

Kahlan quickly looked around, hoping to see Richard, but he was nowhere in sight. "Richard?" Kahlan murmured, fear spiking through her.

"Easy, Kahlan," Nicci gently replied. "You were severely beaten, have internal injuries. It's going to take some time to get you back on your feet."

"Where's Richard?" she asked again, needing to know.

"He went down to the river to get cleaned up," Nicci told her.

Kahlan knew Richard was upset with her, how angry he was with her for what had happened. She just didn't know to what extent yet. The sooner she was able to talk to him; to explain that she'd had to do this in order to save him the better it would be.

Then they could work at getting past all of this; get past the heartache and anguish of losing not only Michael, but also their unborn baby. She needed him now more than ever.

But he probably couldn't stand to be near her right now or even see her. She tried to fight back the tears that rose in her throat and tried to choke her, but they came despite her best efforts, trickling down her face and disappearing into her hair.

"I'm so sorry, Kahlan," Nicci softly said. "What you went through…"

"Is Richard alright?" the Mother Confessor interrupted her, not wanting to talk about what had happened to her. She just wanted to forget and move on, get back to the People's Palace.

"He's exhausted, but I believe he'll be alright," she replied with a heavy sigh. "He hasn't spoken much and he won't let me see to any of his injuries."

Kahlan looked away from the sorceress, biting her bottom lip to stifle a sob. "I hurt him deeply," she murmured. "He's never going to forgive me, Nicci."

"Kahlan, you don't know that," Nicci shook her head. "Richard loves you. You two will find a way through this."

"I don't know if we will this time," she closed her eyes against the wash of tears that wouldn't stop flowing. "We both know how he feels about protecting life. I lost our baby. He's not going to be able to get past that."

Nicci sat back on her heels as she studied the broken Mother Confessor. Her heart hurt for her friends, wishing there was something that she could do to help them. She glanced over at Garren who sat on the other side of the campfire watching, his eyes revealing the mutual pain that he shared with her.

She could also see his anger, felt the frustrated rage that he felt over what had been done to Richard and Kahlan by Sangria, the little life that had been so senselessly lost. Would their heartache ever come to an end?

"I'm sure Richard just needs a little time," Nicci tried to reassure her. "He's been struggling deeply with what happened to Michael and not being able to save him. He's lost his way over it, feels like a failure. He's afraid of losing you."

Kahlan finally turned to look at her, her brow furrowed. "Did he talk to you about it?" she demanded to know, her anger flaring hotly.

Nicci internally cringed, seeing Kahlan's fury simmering just beneath the surface. "He…he confided in me when we were on our way to Caprice," she informed her. "It was only after I forced him to talk, Kahlan. He didn't want to talk to me either, but I made him."

Kahlan ground her teeth, furious that Richard felt he could talk to Nicci but not his own wife. "I'd like to be alone for a little while," Kahlan bitterly stated, wiping the tears from her face as she suddenly got to her feet, but it was pointless. Her tears were coming harder and faster now despite her best efforts.

"Kahlan…I…" Nicci began, getting to her feet as well, trying to stop her. "You're not fully healed yet."

Kahlan didn't stop to listen, but left the campsite, desperate to get away. She disappeared into the sanctuary of the surrounding trees, finding it difficult to breathe. She sobbed uncontrollably, her body wracked with her grief as well as her rage.

She had just lost their baby and now she was losing Richard as well. How was she supposed to cope with that? She needed him, couldn't get through the loss of their baby without him and yet he didn't want her anymore.

She stumbled as she tried to escape deeper into the woods, her legs finally giving out on her. She dropped to her knees as she wept bitterly, her hands balled up into tight fists of fury that begged for answers, demanded release.

Kahlan didn't know how long she cried until she abruptly felt gentle hands on her shoulders. Someone was suddenly kneeling in front of her, their arms surrounding her and pulling her in. Her fists flew up to pound against whoever was touching her, her rage pouring out with every slam of her fist.

"It's alright," Garren softly murmured, letting her hit him, taking each blow knowing that she needed this right now.

He finally gathered her into his arms and held her close as she broke down, burying her face in his chest as she wept. Garren held her tightly, stroking her short black hair and doing the only thing he knew he could do for her in that moment – hold her.

XXX

Having returned to camp, Richard had grown frantic when he found Kahlan missing. Nicci had told him that she had finally woken again and had grown upset, disappearing into the woods. He had quickly gone after her, needing to find her. She shouldn't be alone right now, not after everything she'd just been through.

He quickened his pace as her sobbing cries filled the forest as well as his ears, tears of his own rising to the surface. His pulse was racing with every pounding step of his boot against the forest floor, his emotions raging beyond his control.

Richard finally spotted her kneeling on the forest floor, Garren on his knees in front of her holding her as she cried. He slowed his steps as he intently watched them, his chest tightening painfully at the sight before him. It should be him there holding Kahlan now, comforting her and yet he couldn't seem to make his legs move forward.

All he could see in his mind's eye was all that blood that had run down her legs and pooled at her boots, the life of their unborn child forever lost in that wash of red blood and it shook him to his very core. His rage stole his very breath as he trembled, his anguish crushing him all over again.

His failure suddenly felt so heavy, so unbearable and yet Kahlan's betrayal felt even heavier. He should have been able to stop Sangria, should've been able to protect Kahlan and keep her from being tortured like she had.

How could he possibly comfort her, help her deal with their loss when it was his fault. He was the damn Seeker of Truth, the Lord Rahl and he couldn't save his own wife, couldn't protect their unborn baby.

He didn't deserve Kahlan or her love, didn't deserve to carry the sword hanging at his hip or the title of ruler of the D'Haran Empire. How could he protect or lead anyone when he couldn't even keep his own family safe?

Unable to bear watching her like this any longer, Richard finally turned away from them, allowing Garren to comfort his wife, knowing that he had failed Kahlan. But she had failed him too, had betrayed his trust.

Hadn't she knowingly put her life and the life of their unborn baby at risk for him, knowing how he felt about it?

She had done it before when she had been carrying the twins, giving herself up for him in exchange for his release. It had nearly destroyed him watching her give herself over to Cullen like that. She had done it again, but this time they hadn't been so lucky. Their baby hadn't survived her foolish risk.

His life had quickly become a complete shambles, the pieces falling faster than he could possibly catch it all and he had no idea how to begin to fix it.

XXX

Garren let Kahlan cry for as long as she needed, just holding her and being there for her. He didn't speak, didn't try to diminish her pain or tell her it would be alright because right now he had no idea if it truly ever would be.

His anger flared hotly, knowing Richard should be here taking care of his wife, begging her to forgive him for how he had treated her before leaving for Caprice. And now he was blaming Kahlan for losing their baby. She didn't deserve his anger and resentment, but his love, his gratitude for saving his life.

He understood Richard was crushed by what had happened, his life in a horrible tailspin, but Kahlan wasn't doing much better at that moment. He needed to get past his hurt and anger and be there for his wife.

Kahlan finally pulled back, her body trembling, her face red and wet with so many tears. "I'm sorry, Garren," she whispered, trying to rein in her hurt.

"Kahlan, you never need to apologize," he sternly said, but there was a gentleness to his voice. "We've known each other for far too long to ever have to apologize for anything. You know I am always here for you and Richard no matter what."

Kahlan numbly nodded her head, biting back a sob that caught in her throat. "Richard is never going to be able to forgive me for this," she softly said, tears trickling down her face.

"Just give him a little time, Kahlan," Garren reassured her. "A lot has happened to both of you. It's going to take some time to heal, but you'll get through this together."

"I hope so," she murmured. "I can't live without him, Garren. I love him more than anything."

"I know you do and he loves you just as deeply," he reminded her. "Don't you ever forget that, Kahlan. Now, why don't we return to camp and I'll get you something to eat. You must be starving."

"Not really," she muttered. "How long have I been asleep?"

"It's been two days since we got you out of Caprice," he told her.

Kahlan looked around at her surroundings, suddenly noticing the steadily growing shadows of approaching dusk. "I need to get cleaned up," she frowned. "I'm sure I look a fright."

Garren smiled, a mischeivious glint appearing in his gray eyes. "Love the new haircut by the way," he teased, trying to lighten the mood a little.

Kahlan couldn't fight the fresh fall of tears at the reminder, a groan slipping past her lips. "Don't remind me," she shook her head, her fingers finding the short strands.

Garren gently wiped her tears from her cheeks. "I'm sure there's something Nicci can do to fix it for you."

"I hope so," she sniffed as Garren helped her to her feet. "Thank you, Garren."

"Any time," he smiled, one that never reached his eyes or replaced the sorrow that permeated them. "Let's head back.

"Just give me a minute, please?" she requested.

"See you back at camp," he told her before moving past her to leave her standing there all alone.

Kahlan wrapped her arms around herself, wincing from the soreness that had seeped into her bones. She looked down to find dried blood still staining her boots, a painful glaring reminder of what she and Richard had just lost...what had been lost because of her.

She had known the risk going into it, known that it was a very real possibility that she could lose the baby, but how was she supposed to chose between the man that she loved and the life that they had made?

It had been a terrible decision that she'd been forced to make, a dreadful position that she'd been thrust into, but she had done what she had felt was best not only for him and their family, but for the D'Haran Empire as well.

They needed their ruler, their Seeker. There was a far greater picture to consider than just her and Richard and the family that they had been building together. He had an important destiny that had been prophesied thousands of years ago.

She had somehow known in her heart when she had left for Caprice that she was going to lose something precious when she went into this – the baby, Richard, or her own life.

Kahlan found she felt tremendous guilt and relief that it hadn't been Richard that they had lost. While grief-stricken they'd lost their baby, she couldn't begin to imagine losing Richard or trying to cope with that kind of devastation.

Turning to head back to camp, Kahlan knew she was going to have to try to help Richard see that she had only done what she had believed was best. She just prayed that he'd find a way to forgive her before she had to leave for Aydindril and the trouble brewing there that awaited her.

XXX

Cara made her way towards the library, needing to find Zedd right away. She couldn't shake the horrible feeling that nagged at her, telling her that Richard and Kahlan were in more trouble than they possibly knew.

Kahlan and Garren had left over a week ago and had yet to return. Her panic was growing sharply with every passing day without any sign of them returning and no word on their condition. She knew should've gone along with them.

Entering the library, she found the object of her search standing with Frederick over an open book. Zedd was explaining some concept related to magic, trying to explain to Kahlan's father how it worked in life.

Cara frowned as she stared at them. "What are you two up to?"

Both men looked up at the exact same time, saying in unison, "Who? Us?"

Cara rolled her green eyes, her hand finding her hips. "Yes, you two," she replied. "I can tell you're up to something. You two have been too quiet and far too secretive the last couple of weeks."

"Just putting together curriculum for the twins' training," Zedd told her as if it was blatantly obvious.

"Zedd, you do realize Paige and Priya are only a year old, right?" Cara reminded him.

Zedd looked at Frederick with a look of exasperation. "Why does everyone think I don't know how old my great granddaughters are?"

"Oh I don't know," Cara retorted. "Maybe because you want to start their training when they can barely say more than two words."

"I'm just trying to be prepared," Zedd groused, straightening his shoulders. "You can never be too prepared."

Cara stared at them, her gaze narrowing with suspicion. "What aren't you tell me, Zedd?" she demanded to know. "There's something more you're not telling us."

"I thought so too, but he won't say," Frederick agreed, hoping the resilient Mord'Sith could help coax the information out of him. If it involved his granddaughters, then he deserved to know.

"Why do you two assume I'm hiding something?" he asked in indignation.

"Because we know you, Wizard," Cara shot back. "I can always tell whenever you're up to something or you know something you don't want to talk about. You get all secretive and quiet."

Zedd scowled. "Bags," he finally muttered. "Can't a man just have a lot on his mind without something going on?"

"When has anything gone on around here that hasn't amounted to some sort of a nightmare or disaster?" Cara cried in frustration.

Frederick nodded in agreement. "She has a good point, Zedd."

"Whose side are you on?" Zedd asked him.

"We just want to know if there's something going to happen to the children," Frederick replied.

"Spill it, Wizard," Cara stated in no uncertain terms. "What do you know?"

"What do I know?" Zedd repeated the question, his brain scrambling for some sort of answer that would pacify them without giving away too much. "Well, I know a lot of things actually."

"He's repeating your question," Frederick pointed out to Cara, his gaze narrowing. "He's stalling, trying to buy time to think up an answer."

"I caught that," Cara stated, her hand going for her agiel. "I'm not opposed to using a little friendly persuasion even on you."

"You wouldn't!" Zedd cried in disbelief. "Cara, we're practically family!"

"And what you're hiding concerns family," she demanded, stepping closer as did Frederick from the other side.

Zedd looked from one to the other, knowing he was in trouble now. "Bags, woman!" he growled. "You're worse than a prickly burr under a horse's saddle."

Cara grinned in triumph as she reattached her agiel to her waist. "I knew you'd see it my way. Now, what aren't you telling us?"

"Fine," he spat out, pointing a long boney finger at each of them before proceeding. "But what I'm about to tell you doesn't leave this room. Do you hear me?"

They both stared at him, stunned by the sudden severity in his tone. Cara felt a cold chill ripple through her at that moment as dread welled up within her. She could tell she wasn't going to like this one bit.

"Zedd, just tell us," Cara encouraged him a little more gently this time.

Zedd drew a ragged breath, releasing it slowly before finally speaking again. "Michael's death and Richard's reaction reminded me of a prophecy I had stumbled upon when we first arrived here at the People's Palace almost a year ago. I didn't think much about it at the time, but after Michael died I suddenly remembered seeing it somewhere."

"What did it say?" Cara softly asked, her tone tentative with panic.

"It said something about twins dually blessed with magic of the bonded gifted…"

"Bonded gifted?" Frederick frowned.

"Refers to Richard and Kahlan," Zedd interpreted for him.

"What about them?" Cara pressed for answers.

"I'm getting there," Zedd scowled. "The twins will forever split, one to the left and one to the right if the bonded gifted is ever broken."

"Split?" Cara shook her head in confusion. "Split how?"

"One to the left and one to the right usually indicates good and evil," he informed them.

"Neither Paige nor Priya will turn evil," Cara shook her head in disbelief. "We wouldn't allow them to. Besides, Richard and Kahlan are in love. They can't live without each other."

"I believe that too, but Richard has been pushing all of us away since Michael's death…even Kahlan," Zedd reminded them. "If something goes wrong in Caprice, it could drive Richard and Kahlan even further apart."

"Or it could bring them closer together," Frederick pointed out.

"Could, but I want to be prepared nonetheless," Zedd admitted. "Richard hasn't been himself. Something is definitely going on in that head of his and it isn't good."

"So what exactly are you looking for?" Cara asked.

"The prophecy," Zedd confessed. "I can't remember where I had seen it. Also any other references to this particular prophecy, but I am truly looking for curriculum for the girls. That part was true."

Cara sighed heavily. Nothing was ever easy. "Where do I start looking?" she asked.