Chapter 21: Why Us?

Once those words came out of my mouth I saw his body tense. He let out a sigh and ran a hand through his messy short hair. His ears lowered as he got up and looked at me.

Really looked at me.

My breath hitched as I saw the pain in his eyes. Pure raw pain. It was like a storm in amber pools.

What the hell happen?

He swallowed hard and took a breath, "I never wanted to hurt you. I was ready to have my life with you and spend my days with you.

However, I needed to make amends with Kikyo. Remember she had me promise to go to Hell with her once Naraku was dead. I couldn't keep up with that promise. I went and looked for her by myself when you went home for a few days. That's where I made my first mistake.

The second, I was fooled by her. I thought she understood. I thought she was actually happy for me. All she wanted was for me to hold her one last time. I was an idiot and didn't listen to my senses that were telling me to run away from her. The moment I was hugging her, she stabbed me on the side with a tinted blade."

He lifted his dirty grey shirt to reveal it. I could clearly see the scar right next to his abs.

"I don't remember what happened after that. Next thing I know I'm… I'm mating with her and bounding my life source with hers. My feelings had been shifted. I loved her and didn't want to be with you. She told me I needed to get you to leave, so we could be happy. So I went and told you I had picked her and that you meant nothing to me. I was angry because you wouldn't understand why I had to leave you."

I swallowed hard as the memory played in my head as I continued to listen, "After I did that to you, she had us flee to the South. She didn't want me anywhere near Kaede or Miroku because they would figure out something was wrong with me.

As the years went by and we 'lived our lives' something felt off. But I never could figure it out. Technology surged. Traveling became easier. She had us move to the U.S. once Sesshomaru was becoming more hands on with human and demon issues in Japan. We never stayed anywhere longer than ten years. We Had just moved to Colorado when I found out the truth."

I could feel the pounding of my heart in my ears, "H-how did you find out?"

He laughed humorlessly, "It was her mistake. It was during the move there. I was unpacking her stuff when one of the boxes fell. The blade she had used on me fell out. The moment I grabbed it, it was like I was finally seeing clearly. The spell broke. No more confusion. I remembered everything from that night clearly. I remembered my feelings for you and I wanted to die. I felt like a monster. I had done it yet again, hurt you. I snapped. She came into the living room and saw me with it. She grabbed a pair of scissors the moment I ran up to her in rage, she channeled her miko powers to it and that's how I have the scar on my face. She started screaming how it was supposed to have always been me and her. That you were just a copy of what she was. Any feelings I had for you were not really there.

My body was shaking in anger. She started talking badly about you and I saw red. I ran up to her again and killed her without a second thought. Ever since the bonding, it's like she became human since I was her life source. She had blood in her veins. But we never had children. All that love I felt was never for her. It was for you. I collapsed on the floor on her blood when the cops got there. Neighbors heard all the screaming.

I was charged with murder and convicted to life without the possibility of parole. That's the first time I saw Sesshomaru after so long. He wanted to fight my case, but I told him to let it be."

His eyes were shining as he was on the brink of tears, "I told him I deserved it."

I felt nauseous.

"I was transferred three times for bad conduct. A year ago I ended up here. I knew something was wrong. I could smell the dead. But I let it be. I thought it was better for me to just play it out and eventually die. I didn't deserve to live. I still don't deserve it."

I started to cry, "Y-your words destroyed me… I left without saying anything and the well closed… I became distant from my family… Grandpa died… My mom had me leave Japan for me to have some 'me' time because I was never the same… that's when the outbreak started…"

His eyes widened in horror, "Y-your mom? Souta?"

I clenched my fists as I cried harder, "Shippo found them… my mom had been bit so she turned… by the time Shippo got there… Souta had been bit by her…"

Inuyasha had been getting closer as I told him how it was with me. He was just a few inches away when he collapsed on his knees. He wrapped his arms around my waist and started sobbing against me.

"I'm so sorry," his muffled cry just made me cry harder.

"Why is it always us?" I said in a broken whisper.

He was shaking uncontrollably, "I'm such a fucking fool… I shouldn't have gone to see her… You should've been there with me… I'm so sorry Kagome…"

And I knew his apology was sincere. It wasn't the fact he was sobbing and gripping me tightly. He hardly ever apologized for anything. For him to find out the truth, that he had been deceived again in his life broke me. Now I wasn't crying for the broken heart I suffered because he didn't want me. I was crying for him.

Why was destiny so cruel to us, to him?

I fell on my knees as well and I cried with him. I wrapped my arms around him and we cried until we couldn't. I would be an idiot if I denied that I didn't care, that I didn't love him. Hershel was right. I still cared for him after everything.

But I couldn't bring myself to be in love with him. The damage had been so great. It took me so long. I have now fallen for another, although I wasn't sure what was going to happen to us.

"I thought I wasn't good enough," I said as I pulled away, "For years I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered what was wrong with me. Was I not beautiful enough? Was I not strong enough? Was I just a shard detector?"

His eyes were red from the tears. He used a clawed hand to push my hair out of my face. He cupped my face and leaned forward.

"You were never just a shard detector. You are the most incredible woman I've ever met."

My breath hitched as his lips hovered over mine.

"I still love you."

My heart was beating uncontrollably at his words. For how long did I want to hear them again? For how long did I yearn to hear those words again? Part of me desperately wanted to lean forward and close the distance. Because I had been in love with him with all my might.

But I couldn't.

I closed my eyes and gently pushed him away a bit.

I heard him chuckle slightly. That confused me and I slowly looked up. He had an amused look on his face.

"It was worth a try."

I looked at him confused, "What..?"

He smiled at me, "I wasn't expecting you to jump in my arms after me telling you this. It's obvious I lost you. You're in love with the hunter."

I was speechless. How did he know?

He saw my confused look, "I'm an idiot, but not stupid. The way you look at him… you used to look at me like that once."

I felt my heart heavy at his words. I bit my lip, "Inuyasha I-"

He put his finger on my lips to shush me, "You don't have to explain anything. You have the right to be happy after what I did. Whether I did it willingly or not, I still hurt you. I'm not forcing you to love me again. You being happy is more than enough for me. Even if it's not with me. I just want to know, do you forgive me for what I did?"

I didn't hesitate. I nodded my head yes.

And for the first time in a long time, I felt happy. Genuinely happy because I knew the truth. I hated Kikyo for what she did. I'll never understand her hatred towards me. Maybe it was for the best to not know why she had so much.

I let out a laugh mixed with a cry, "I just want my best friend back."

He leaned forward, held me closer, and kissed my forehead.

"I'm not going anywhere."

Any tension that we had between us had disappeared with the wind. I was angry in a way at the fact that he went on his own to see her. Since that decision had changed our whole lives.

But he was just trying to do what was right.

After being with each other for who knows how long, we decided to go back to the others. However once I started walking he stopped me.

"Talk to him. I know you're angry and I know it's because of me you're mad at him. But talk to him."

I gave him a look, "I never thought I would be hearing such wise words from you. Ever."

He rolled his eyes, "Shut it wench."

I was nervous to go back to the others. I really was. Would they look at me differently for forgiving someone I had spoken so lowly of? Or would they be glad there was at least less tension now?

Regarding the tension, I was wrong. The moment I came into the cell block it was still up on the air.

Hershel, Glenn, Michonne, and Rick were in another heated argument.

"I can't kick him out!" I heard Rick angrily whisper to Glenn.

Glenn however, didn't lower his voice. "I wouldn't ask you to live with Shane after he tried killing you!"

Hershel's voice of reason cut in, "He has military experience. He may be erratic, but don't doubt his loyalty to his brother."

"Why don't we solve both problems at once? Deliver Merle to the Governor as a bargaining chip."

"Glenn!" I said in shock. All of them turned in surprise to see me standing there with Inuyasha.

"How can you say that?"

I saw Rick not saying anything to that. That made my blood boil.

"You are agreeing to this?"

He shook his head, "I just don't know what to do."

"Let me and Kagome see what Merle can say to us." Hershel said as he adjusted his crutches. I bit my lip as I felt nervousness creep in. I found myself looking at Inuyasha. With him nodding his head, that was confirming I should go with Hershel.

Merle was using duct tape as he attached a big kitchen knife to his metal forearm. I felt some pity towards him. He lost his hand because of an irrational decision. He couldn't lose his life over another stupid decision.

"Yer the farmer Hershel."

"And you're the black sheep Merle."

Merle hadn't noticed me yet and asked Hershel how he lost his leg. Once he said he had been bit and we helped him, he turned around to look at me.

He chuckled as he saw me from behind Hershel, "Well well. Look what the cat brought in. Lookin' good darlin'. Ya are still packing a punch from what I can see. Last time I saw you was when ya punched me and left me handcuffed on the roof back in Atlanta."

I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms, "You were being an idiot. I didn't know they had left you until we were driving away. We went back for you the following day."

Hershel interrupted me as he sat down on the cell and pulled out a pocket Bible from his pant pocket. He read a verse from it and Merle surprised both of us by finishing it.

"Woodbury had a fine library. One of the few things I miss about it."

We didn't know how to respond, so we stayed quiet.

"When the Governor returns, he's going to kill me first. Michonne, my brother. He's going to come in here and kill every single one of you, children included. He's going to have Rick be last and have him watch. let him watch his friend's and family die ugly. That's who you're dealing with."

He turned to me and his face grew more serious.

"He might have a special place for you darlin'. Hershel here told me what ya did, that barrier. You're a target now. Trust me."

"He ain't going to kill us. He doesn't know who he's dealing with either."

Hershel turned to me, "Andrea is at Woodbury."

My eyes widened, "What?"

Merle chuckled, "Oh yeah. Her and Ms. Chocolate spent the whole winter together, usin' walkers to hide their scent. She's now keeping the Governor's bed nice and warm."

"You're lying. Andrea can be stupid, but she's not that stupid to lay with someone like him."

"Unfortunately she is," Michonne's smooth voice said from behind me. I jumped at the sound of her voice. I turned to look at her, hoping she was lying.

But she wasn't.

I ran my hand through my hair. I was so glad that the blonde had made it out of the farm, another one of our group. But she was with our enemy now.

Where did her loyalties lay?

I decided to leave the two older men alone and Michonne alone. I was tired, so before I went on watch I decided to go up in my cell. As I laid on my bunk, I heard voices next cell.

It was Daryl and Carol.

"I'm glad you're back," I heard her say sincerely.

I heard him grunt, "To what? To all of this?"

"This is our home."

"This is a tomb."

"We may have a chance. With Shippo, Inuyasha, Kagome."

Silence.

"She really missed you, you know? She thought she would never see you again."

He scoffed. I felt my heart clench.

"He's your brother, but he's not good for you. Don't push away the one person that has stood by you since the beginning. Don't let him bring you down. Look how far you've come."

And with that, she left his cell. Thankfully she didn't bother looking over at my cell if not she would've seen me in here.

Dinner was extremely awkward since me and Daryl weren't on speaking terms. Maggie and Glenn were keeping their distance from Merle as well.

Shippo had wanted all of us to eat together, however Rick was concerned that the prison may be breached without any lookouts. Shippo used his magic hazelnuts and spread them all throughout the perimeter of the prison.

"If anyone steps on them, we'll know. I cleared the perimeter of walkers so not one of them stepped on one as we ate."

Rick looked skeptical still, "Are they loud enough?"

Me and Inuyasha groaned at the same time from where we were. I was by the stove checking on the rabbits and Inuyasha was on one of the tables. Beth, Carl, and Sophia were sitting with him, Sango as always on Beth's arms.

Rick looked at us confused, "Is it really that bad?"

We both nodded.

"Once you step on one, you set off the rest. It's a high pitch wailing that can go on for minutes." Inuyasha said as he winced at the memory of those things.

"You're just exaggerating." Shippo waved him off with his hand.

"My ears were ringing for two days the last time you used them!"

"It's not my fault your ears can't handle the power of a full demon."

"Come say it to my face runt!"

The kids looked worried as they saw both of them bickering. I walked up to the table and stood behind Inuyasha as I smacked him on the back of the head since his loud noise almost woke up Sango.

"They've always been this way. Trust me. They act like they hate each other but it's just all a facade."

I felt both of them glaring at me but ignored them with an innocent smile. Beth let out a giggle and Inuyasha gave her a look. She blushed and she tried covering her giggles. Sophia didn't help as she bursted out laughing at them. Both Carl and Beth ended up joining the young girl as well.

Before dinner, Shippo had mentioned how Inuyasha had given him the short version of what happened before I got there. He was glad things were cleared, but that didn't mean he was going to go easy on the half-demon. I told him if Inuyasha killed him, he had asked for it. He also mentioned how he told the rest, just so things would be less confusing with everyone else. However the only one that wasn't in the cell block when he said it was Daryl.

That would explain the looks of anger from him when me and Inuyasha appeared in the common area.

Carol helped me pass around the plates of roasted rabbits. There were two left. I took a deep breath since I knew who they were for. I was still angry at Daryl for insinuating me being a whore. But I still wanted to make sure he ate.

Damn me and my stupid heart.

I walked up to them as they were standing by the cell door, my lips pressed tightly together.

"Here." I handed both of them a plate. Merle gave me a smirk as he grabbed it but Daryl decided to ignore me completely. I raised my eyebrow as I narrowed my eyes at him. He finally looked at me but Merle hit him with his elbow. He gruffly took the plate off my hands and looked away.

"Thank ya darlin'." I heard Merle say to me. I was confused by his friendliness but I still nodded in response. Daryl didn't say anything and completely turned his back to me.

Kami please grant me patience.

I ended up taking second shift of guard duty that night. The night was cool and quiet. The full moon providing some sort of light. Sunrise was just a few hours away now. Shippo had removed his magic nuts so the low snarling of walkers could be heard now. I was using my binoculars as I looked around when I heard someone opening the latch of the door on the floor.

When I turned around, I was expecting to see Maggie coming up. My eyes widened when I saw Daryl's back.

He didn't know I was here yet.

His arms flexed as he closed the door. He got up and his blue eyes widened as he finally saw me standing there.

"Maggie told me that Shippo was going to be here."

"Shippo told me that Maggie was going to join me."

We both realized we had been set up. I heard someone locking the door from the other side. My eyes widened and I saw Daryl immediately bend down and try opening it, but he couldn't.

"Son of a bitch!" He exclaimed angrily.

I tried searching for the aura and sure enough, my suspicions were correct.

"It was Shippo." I said with a groan.

He angrily kicked the chair that was standing on the corner.

I glared at his back, "I'm sorry that being stuck with me is unpleasant for you Dixon."

He glared at me and turned away, focusing on the other side of the windows of the guard tower. I was fuming, but I decided to keep my mouth shut.

We were in a tense silence for who knows how long. We were both pretending the other one wasn't there. I didn't know what to even say to him.

It wasn't like the was the most easiest person to talk to anyways. But long and behold, he still amazed me at times.

"Are you gonna go back to him?" I heard his deep voice say from behind me. I jumped at the sound of his voice since I didn't even hear him move. I whirled around and he was just at arm's reach from me.

He saw the confusion in my face, "Shippo told me. After dinner."

Realization dawned on me. I gave him a long look and eventually shook my head.

"No. I'm not."

Apparently that wasn't the answer he was expecting. His blue eyes widened a little bit but then narrowed again.

"Then why ya be so friendly with him?"

I took a deep breath.

Count to ten Kagome.

Count to ten.

"Because regardless of what happened with us, he was my best friend for a long time Daryl. Destiny just decided to play with us once again. I love him."

I saw him tense up immediately.

"But I'm not in love with him. I can't be in love with him. The damage was too great."

"So you wouldn't give him another chance?"

My eyes softened as I looked at him, "I can't give him another chance when I'm in love with someone else."