I've read copious amounts of articles and stories that indicate this will change so much regarding our relationship as well as how I perceive the world. There are several antidotal stories I've read and heard where, once an individual has intercourse for the first time, they lose interest in their partner in lieu of wanting to experiment with others. What was the colloquial term? "Test the waters" What if I become one of those people? I don't think I care for the thought I may hurt Jane so horribly. No, I don't care for that at all. I love her; I don't want to wound her in such a way.

Maybe this was a bad idea? Perhaps I should have waited until we… we what? We are already living together. We share the same bed almost every night. There's very little we hadn't already done. Yet, this line we've cross, I've finally crossed…

Then again, I've never desired anyone as I have Jane. She is the only individual that has ever entered into my fantasies. Certainly the occasional famous figure I find attractive will play some part, but it has never been someone I know… until Jane. She is the only individual I desire on more than one level. I crave her touch. Even before last night, it was almost a physical need to touch her somewhere. Even before we admitted to our attraction for each other, I was constantly finding excuses to simply touch her. In retrospect, she seemed to do the same. I long for her intellect. She never gives herself enough credit regarding her intelligence level, and I am certain, based on my observations, that she makes herself seem less intelligent than she actually is when she is in the presence of most others. But, when it's just the two of us, we have amazing conversations regarding a wealth of topics, and, when I'm alone, I find I desire her mind as much as her body.

Her presence, her attitude, her kindness, her gentleness, her protectiveness… her sense of family, of duty, of honor, of respect…

I desire it all in a way I'm not certain I'll ever be able to quantify. I have the remarkable sensation of wanting to take all of her into myself, which I cannot understand as that is clearly a physical impossibility. Yet, it does exist, that want.

When I'm with her, it's difficult for me to remember the others that may be in the same room with us. It's as if… I don't know. She's become the focus of my life in so many ways.

I don't want to lose her because I'm curious about a new experience, but, then again, I've really never had the want to experience this with anyone else. Now that I have, will I start?

No… no, I don't think so. Having some stranger or someone I trust far less than Jane be that close to me is distasteful.

I believe I could happily remain with Jane, as lovers, for the entirety of my life.

Is that too much?

There are countless people throughout history who actually waited for sexual intercourse until marriage and had long, productive, happy marriages. Why should I think we are any different?

"Oh my God, I already consider us married." Maura nearly dropped the cup of coffee she held between her hands as the realization struck her. She had been sitting in the double swing on the back porch staring out across the beach waiting for Jane to come out of the bathroom. In the peacefulness of her surroundings, her mind had wandered, and the end result had startled her.

"Close enough, aren't we?" Jane caught the mug and gently sat down, taking a sip from it as she settled.

"Jane! How long have been standing there?" Maura sheepishly looked over at the smirking brunette.

"Oh, long enough to watch you contemplating existence. What were you thinking about, besides me?" Jane gave a wink, finished off the mug of coffee, and placed it on the table beside the swing. "Man, it's cool out here. Aren't you cold?"

"Perhaps a little." The blonde frowned. She had been thinking and hadn't noticed how chilled she'd become.

"We can fix that; don't go anywhere." Jane leapt up and trotted into the house. A few moments later, she reappeared with a blanket. "Scoot." She sat down with her back against the arm rest. After some rearranging, Maura was lying comfortably in Jane's arms with a blanket wrapped snugly around them both. "Better?"

"Yes, thank you." The blonde smiled, breathing in the fresh sea air and scent of Jane's body wash. "You're very comfortable."

"Glad you think so." Softly, the brunette began to rub light circles across Maura's back. "You want to talk about it?"

"I'm not certain what to say." Maura snuggled closer to Jane. "I'm frightened that what we've done will actually pull us apart instead of bringing us closer together because I'm concerned that I may wander."

"You mean, you think you might want to know what it's like to be with someone besides me?" The subtle shift in Jane's body betrayed the calmness in her voice.

"Yes, but I've decided that is not likely to happen. I'm very dedicated to you, Jane." Maura closed her eyes, willing herself not to panic, not to let her mind rush off to run facts that she'd inevitably spout off in order to deflect the uncomfortable air that had settled over them.

For a time, neither woman said anything. As Jane's hand continued to dance lightly over Maura's back, Maura's emotions rapidly fluctuated between panic, terror, and an odd calmness.

"I don't want you to ever feel trapped with me, Maura. Promise me that, if you suddenly feel closed in, you'll tell me."

"Jane…"

"Promise me. I mean it. I want you to be happy. I don't want to ever be the reason you're unhappy." Jane's eyes stared blankly out at the ocean view. "Please…"

What is she thinking? Her face… it's in "cop mode" again. I can't tell what she's thinking. "Okay, Jane, I promise."

"Do you feel trapped with me?"

"What? No, of course not!" Maura shot up, forcing the brunette to look at her. "Just the opposite, in fact. How could you ask me that question? Jane, I'm in love with you. I'm not trapped by you." The blonde let out a sigh. "Don't block me out, Jane, or I'll…"

"You'll what?" Jane's voice was flat, monotone.

"I'll… I don't know. But, I'll do something you'll not like." Maura scowled, then leaned forward to kiss the brunette. "You're teasing me aren't you?"

"Maybe a little, but I meant what I said," Jane's face relaxed back into her emotions. "I want you to tell me." She stole another kiss. "In the meantime, you already consider us married, huh?"

"Well, I… there's a certain… I mean…"

"So, are you taking my name, or am I taking yours, or are we hyphenating?"

"What?" WHAT?

"I said, 'are you taking my name, or am I taking yours, or are we hyphenating?'"

"Well, I hadn't really thought about it. I suppose hyphenating would make sense, but I'm rather fond of the idea of taking your name, actually. However, there are many married couples that never change their surname at all. In fact, it's becoming increasingly common for married women to… Jane, did you just propose to me?" Maura blinked rapidly as her mind caught up with what was happening.

"Hmmm… you're right, I'm missing something. Hold on." Jane moved around to reach into the pocket her pants. Pulling out a small velvet box and opening it, she pulled her hand from under the blanket just enough for Maura to see it. "Yeah, that's better. Okay, now I just proposed to you." Her smiled widened at Maura's look of shock. "So, what do you say? Want to make what you already consider us a fact?" Lowering her voice, she leaned forward to whisper in the blonde's ear. "Will you marry me, Maura?"