Chapter 21

They had just wrapped up what Mike liked to call the 'afternoon school special' in Helo bay one. After the crew were dismissed. Mike had stayed behind to kick out the last stragglers and answer questions before closing the large bay door; giving Dr Scott her lab back to return to her work. Once the large door had shuttered closed he looked around and noticed Kate standing at the back of ship by herself. For some reason he didn't want to waste any more time and decided it was time to talk with her. Even if the flight deck wasn't exactly private but at least he could see anyone coming towards them to end the conversation if he needed to as he didn't want the crew knowing his personal life.

"Lassiter, you're looking brighter today" Mike commented as he moved to stand by Kate's side as she stood at the back railing of the ship. She looked out at the ocean, her hands gripped the railing so tightly her knuckles were white. He wondered what was eating at her as he had seen her look slightly panicked in the Helo bay during Tom's speech

"I'm getting along alright" Kate said as she loosened her grip on the railing and looked to Mike. He had his back to the ocean view looking to the flight deck and ship. She had wanted to be left alone to enjoy some fresh air and sunlight, Tex forgetting that he wanted to know what she was keeping secrets. Some that may or may not concern him. She wouldn't know more until the results were in and even then she needed the information in the Data packet. Everything she assumed or knew for certain was tightly wound up inside of her to the point that it was painful. She was not made to keep secrets, when she was in military it was different. She had orders but now being a civilian; these decisions, the secrets she kept were of her own doing and she hated as she knew it would bite her in the ass.

"Good" Mike said Kate frowned at him as she was suspicious to why he was being nice to her. She thought perhaps last night had been an aberration or perhaps she had been hallucinating but right now there was no convenient excuse.

"Is this some kind of mind game where you're going to wheedle out all my secrets and giggle about them with the Captain?" Kate asked Mike, he looked amused as he shook his head.

"No, but we do have to talk" Mike told her. Kate leaned down and propped her elbows on the railing for a brief moment and rubbed her face with her hands.

"I take it this is about the transcripts?" Kate asked in an exhausted tone she had hoped Mike wouldn't get into it with her. She was tired of the interrogation tactics and she knew that any insult Mike threw her way would hurt a lot more than anything Tom could come up with though Tom's comment about her 'bending over backwards for a man' had stung her ego.

"That's between you and the Captain" Mike told her.

"You're staying out of it?" Kate asked him, her tone sceptical as she wasn't sure whether to believe him. She truly wanted to let her guard down around him, actually she wanted to break down and just say everything on her mind but couldn't.

"I'll do a lot of things for my country-" Mike started but Kate cut him off.

"But you won't 'do' me" Kate said in a dry tone as she found it thoroughly amusing if somewhat a little disappointing because no woman liked to know she was undesirable. She straightened up and turned to face him and folded her arms across her chest taking up a defensive posture.

I guess it shows he has more integrity than you… Kate thought as she was sure if their roles were reversed she couldn't say she'd have the same respect but she was craving physical comfort right now. Her mind was showing her a rather lovely film of memories reminding her of exactly what was hiding under that uniform he wore and how very capable he was at making her forget her own name with pleasure.

"Not for my country or under orders from the Captain" Mike told her, he locked eyes with her and she clearly saw what he was thinking. Kate's heart sped up slightly as her body decided it was time to wake up and become fully aware of the man standing next to her. He was definitely clear in his message as she knew that look in his eyes. He used to give her that look whenever they met up, and usually within 5 minutes or less they'd end up in bed. She wondered why he was intentionally giving her mixed messages because right now it was incredibly annoying and frustrating.

"Smooth." Kate replied as she didn't know what else to say because there was no way she was going to tell him that he shouldn't look at her like that way. It would only feed into his ego and frankly she wasn't sure if he was playing her. If he was then it crush her ego as she would come off as some weak needy woman, sure it was ok for her to know and acknowledge that part of her but she wasn't going to let anyone see it.

"I wouldn't want you to think-"

"That you were betraying me? What is going on here?" Kate asked him.

"Part of being XO is looking after crew morale" Mike offered with a shrug as he thought he made the message pretty clear but obviously Kate needed it spelled out and if he were honest he wanted to be clear with her. He just needed time to work up to it. Kate gave a huff of laughter as she took a step back from him, he didn't have to wonder why as he saw her tuck her hands closer to her body. It was a defensive posture, one he expected.

"Well, I'll be back to 100% after a couple more good nights of sleep" Kate informed him in a blithe tone.

"Good to hear" Mike said casually. Silence lapsed between them and Kate began to wonder why he hadn't left to go do whatever else he did with his time. Several minutes passed before she couldn't keep quiet.

"Do you think those people are going to leave?" Kate asked him, mentally kicking herself as she was a coward. Her brain screamed at her to just ask him why he was still here and what he wanted. Were they going to talk about the kiss but she had just changed the direction of the conversation. You idiot... Kate thought to herself.

"I don't know, you thinking of joining them?" he asked her, he looked to her waiting for her response as he saw how twitchy she had been in the lab. While her name wasn't on the list of those wanting to leave, he could understand her wanting leave the ship. They hadn't exactly made her feel welcome, himself included and he had no clue who or what she had waiting for her off the ship. But right now, he didn't see her wanting to escape instead he saw grief and loneliness flutter across her face and disappear behind a mask. Her features grew neutral like a well trained soldier but she couldn't hide the pain in her eyes.

"I have nothing and no one out there that needs me. I'll eventually head back to San Diego and bury what's left of Evan but he's not going anywhere" Kate said blithly with a shrug. If he didn't know her like he did, he would think she were incredibly callous but he knew the more flippant or apathetic Kate sounded about something signified that she cared deeply, she just didn't want to be emotional about it.

"At least I'm semi-useful, as long as there is fuel for the Helo and you guys need my ident. codes to the satellite networks. Anyway, I should let you get back to the bridge" Kate told him waving a dismissive hand at him and turning back to look at the ocean. Mike edged closer to her as he continued to lean his hip against the railing but kept his body facing the ship. He didn't want to appear confrontational or make her feel cornered.

"I'm off duty at the moment" Mike told her.

"Then I should let you go get some rest. Assuming you're on night watch" Kate told him as she gripped the railing with both hands and slightly leaned back, she didn't even look at him as she just wanted him to go. She wasn't sure what she hated more. Mike acting nice or being an asshole to her but right now she wanted him to be the asshole because then she knew she wouldn't be disappointed when he left, the bubble of hope that had been ever present in her for the past 4 and half years that he would come back would slowly fade away.

"Can't we just share this bit of railing for a while?" Mike asked her, it got her attention as she looked at him. She leaned back with her arms locked and keeping her grip on the railing.

"Are you feeling alright?" Kate asked him with an odd look on her face. Mike chuckled and nodded.

"Yes, I'm perfectly fine" he assured her.

"So I'm hallucinating. That's just dandy" Kate drawled sarcastically.

"Why would you think that?" Mike asked her in an amused tone.

"Because you're being nice to me and hanging around me which you've spent a good 4 month not doing. It's confusing and giving me mixed messages" Kate told him flat out as she was getting anxious for him to go. She knew she could walk away but she didn't want to.

"I'm not trying to confuse you" Mike told her earnestly, Kate wince at his words.

"You're doing a great job of it" She informed with a sigh as she considered for a brief moment that she might save herself a lot of grief if she just flung herself overboard and swim for the sure but she had a feeling Mike would follow her and drag her back because he obviously had something on his mind that he wanted to talk about. She just wished he would get to the point and just say what he wanted and be done.

"Well I figure ignoring you or being an asshole doesn't work-" Mike stopped as Kate interrupted him.

"Mike, I'm sure you're about to give me a well practised and lovely speech but just get to the point" Kate told him. He gave a nod, though he would have preferred the speech he had practised.

"I want us start over right now and wipe the slate clean" He said to her, Kate was surprised and wondered if maybe she should have heard the speech because now she was even more confused. She figured he'd tell her, the kiss meant nothing and that he did want her to leave the ship so then he could go back to whatever bubble he lived in where he pretended that his marriage with Christina was salvageable and worth it because his kids needed two parents. In some regards his thinking was very old fashioned in Kate's opinion but she liked that about him, he was a gentleman when he wanted to be except now where he was throwing her through a hoop.

"A clean slate?" Kate repeated dumbly as it was not what he expected to say. "You know you can never get slate completely clean?" Kate added even though what she really wanted to ask was why but was too chicken to.

"I know and I think we can agree. We both fucked up, it was supposed to be a fling and it became more" he said what they both hadn't been game enough to say years ago. "I'm not asking for you and I to pretend we're meeting for the first time, I don't want that." he told her.

"What do you want?" Kate asked feeling incredibly flustered as that bubble of hope in her chest grew a couple inches.

"A lot of things, but right now I want us to acknowledge that we still have something here that goes a little beyond physical attraction or old memories." He told her, Kate closed her eyes for a moment to calm her nerves and mustered her strength before she opened them and looked at him. She felt the constant yet subtle tension that had between them from day one of her being on the Nathan James flare up.

"Yeah it's called 4 years, 6 months and 12 or so hours where it seems what we feel hasn't changed but we are still at an impasse" Kate said bluntly as she wondered if she was reading way too much into what he was saying because it was like he was saying he wanted her back. But right now she had a feeling there was nothing to lose except my pride... Kate thought to herself.

"I know and even you have to admit that we've changed from who we were then" Mike argued but he couldn't help but feel a zing of pleasure zap through him from her statement even if she was wrong. They weren't at an impasse.

"I'm still lost as to what you want from me and I would like you to be a little more specific about what you want from me" Kate said to him.

"I want us to get to know one another again-"

"To be friends?" Kate asked sceptically, because she knew she could try but ultimately she couldn't be friends with Mike. It wasn't the fact that she would have trouble keeping her hands to herself it was that she couldn't listen to his marital problems and watch him go back to his wife a second time. She still had feelings for Mike and that annoying bubble of hope that reasserted itself the past 24 hours.

"As something to build on" Mike said. Kate's eyes went wide for a moment.

"Build on what? One day you're going to leave the ship and reunite with Christina and your daughters" Kate told him, and just hearing her say those words crushed her just a little on the inside.

"One day I'm going to leave this ship and I want you with me as we track down my daughters if they are still alive. Christina and I are done-" Mike started but Kate gave a sardonic laugh and shook her head.

"Please excuse me if I'm sceptical about you being 'done' with your wife" Kate said in a rich tone.

"You're allowed to be which is one of the only saving graces of all this" he tilted his head towards the ship "It gives me time to prove to you that I'm serious about this" he told her.

"Tell me what changed your mind?" Kate asked him.

"I was in my CBR gear pacing the bridge and I realised I could continue failing at marriage or I could acknowledge I can't make it work because if I'm honest my heart isn't in it" he explained.

"And so your heart is serious in this. You and Me? where there hasn't been an 'us' in years" Kate asked him.

"I want to try now" He told her.

"Mike, I'm not a pair of shoes" Kate told him in a defeated tone. She threw up her hands in frustration "And look at where we are. It's not like you can slip off your ring and say 'hey, let's catch a movie'. " Kate added.

"I realise it's not going to be easy. Obviously while we're on the Nathan James I can't act as anything more than a friend but we can use this time to get to know one another better. Because once my duty here is finished and I step off this ship onto solid ground, I'm going to go find my kids. I want you with me, at my side. I let you go once before but now you're here it's a second chance" he told her.

"So you want me and what? my company resources?" Kate asked him wryly.

"You're so fucking paranoid. I want you" Mike told her, feeling aggravated that she wasn't taking him at face value.

"And your kids" Kate added.

"Them too but here right now, I'm telling you that I want you and this time I'm not walking away from we got here" he told her.

"On the bridge-" Kate started but he cut her off.

"I was angry and hurt, what I said. I was lashing out and yes there is a grain of truth to them but I've had time to think. That one year we had was better than the last 8 years of my marriage. I want you because I'd rather be with you and be happy than go back to a never ending cycle with Christina. I think if we just get to know one another again that we could have something worth keeping here. I want to seriously explore it" Mike told her, he saw the tears in her eyes as she took a step back and turned away from him. He couldn't tell what she was thinking and he wondered how she became so screwed up that she couldn't see what he was offering her. She pressed a hand to her forehead and her other hand on her hip and turned to face him.

She looked at him as if she wasn't entirely sure she could believe him. She opened her mouth to speak but shut it as she didn't know what to say. There he was the man she loved and let go, now standing before offering himself up on a plate to her. Yet all she could think was that it was some kind of trick not to be believed but she wanted to believe it. But she also wanted to break down and cry because she had waited for this moment and here it was and she was freaking out.

"I wasn't expecting this" Kate told him, he could see her wanting to say yes but there was a wariness about her like she was expecting him to snatch away the offer. "You're serious about this?" Kate asked him taking a step closer to him.

"I am, but as long as I'm on this ship. I have responsibilities and a standard of behaviour to uphold. To the crew and Tom; I'm married, which means I can't act as anything more than your friend. But like I said before once we're off this ship, I'm yours if you'll have me" Mike told her earnestly.

"Mike-" Kate started.

"Commander Slattery, come in" Jeter'svoice carried over the radio interrupting the moment. Mike was half tempted to smash the stupid thing as he wanted to know what Kate was going to say.

"Answer it" Kate told him.

"Go ahead" he said into his radio, he barely listened to whatever Jeter wanted him for as he was caught up in Kate. She looked so incredibly fragile that he wished they were somewhere more private than the flight deck as he would have wrapped her up in his arms. But he couldn't. He became vague aware that Jeter gave him a location and then he replied he was on his way. He looked down at Kate.

"You don't have to give me an answer now or tomorrow. Just think about it and let me know when you're ready" he told her. Kate gave a nod looking slightly relieved to be given a reprieve and he wondered if that was a good sign for him or not but he knew he couldn't pressure her. "I have to go" he said awkwardly and walked away.

As he did, he looked over his shoulder as he reached the side door to the Helo bay 2 and saw Kate had turned back to looking out at the ocean. He gave a sigh and opened the door heading inside. Now he just had to wait and hope that Kate wanted him as much as he did her.

A few hours later,

Kate knocked on the Captain's stateroom door. She had no idea if he was even in there but she needed to talk with him. She needed to convince him to download the data packet and suffer through him being an insufferable ass even if she was too exhausted. Mike's declaration still had her mind boggled and part of her reason for coming to Tom was that she didn't want to be suspicious of Mike intentions. She figured if she gave Tom some information it would somehow absolve her and give her some peace of mind at not having to keep track of the half truths. It was a head ache she didn't want so she was here to give Tom just enough information to hopefully earn her some much needed trust from him but not enough to condemn herself.

"Come in" Tom said, Kate opened the door to find him with a pile of paper work on his coffee table. Kate couldn't help but be amused that some things like paperwork never died. At least taxes weren't an any issue for the foreseeable future.

"Sorry to interrupt" Kate said moving to step back out but Tom waved her in not giving her a chance to leave.

"You're not, what is it Lassiter? Come to apologise?" Tom asked her, there was a slightly patronising lilt to his tone she didn't appreciate but then she knew he was having a shocker of a day.

"I don't apologise unless I feel it necessary. I came here to talk" Kate informed him as she closed the door behind her.

"About?" Tom asked, he gestured to the seat opposite him at the lounge.

"It depends on if it's not part of your 'transparency' kick with the crew" Kate said to him as she sat down in the chair, she really didn't want to be here but for her own peace of mind she stayed.

"Depends on what you tell me" Tom said rather contrarily.

"It's about the Data Packet" Kate told him knowing she deserved his comeback.

"I'm not going to break radio silence for sketchy intel" Tom informed her.

"It's not sketchy, it's months of information compiled from all over the world tailored specifically to help you with this mission" Kate said correcting him.

"How would you know for sure?" Tom asked.

"Because if you had known Evan you would know he doesn't do anything half assed. Why would he do so now?" Kate asked. Tom sat back in his chair and rubbed his face with both of his hands.

"I'm not going argue with you about this" he sighed in frustration.

"Good, then let me finish what I have to say before jumping down my throat" Kate snapped at him. She couldn't help but be annoyed.

"Ok" Tom said, he lowered his hands from his face and gave her an impatient look.

"I spoke with Rachel about the possible intel Evan has stored for us. I think there is research pertaining to research on the virus and possible theories on a vaccine" Kate said carefully, the news made Tom sit up and take attention.

"Why wasn't that in the translated transcripts or the report you gave me?" Tom asked her incredulously.

"Because I wanted to talk to Rachel about it first and I knew you'd flip your lid when I told you so I wanted to be sure of myself" Kate answered.

"I'm really doing my best not to get angry with you. So why don't you just tell me everything that you feel comfortable telling me" Tom said with as much patience as he could muster which was very little at the moment.

"There is a possibility that Evan had scientists working on a vaccine but they didn't get a chance to do a trial study due to unforeseen complications" Kate said.

"Unforeseen complications?" Tom looked at the coffee table for a long moment as exhaustion washed over her from trying to find the right words, so she didn't sound crazy or set Tom off. It also didn't help that she was thinking of what Mike would think once he found out. It would be a deal breaker for him. But here she was with Tom and all she could think was 'in for a penny in for a pound'.

"Lassiter Industries contractually has all of it's operators have bi-yearly medical physicals and booster shots unless there are extenuating circumstances. Either way, I'm assuming-"

"assuming?"

"The details Evan told me were too ambiguous at best. I wasn't sure of what he was saying and it was close to the time when his mind was deteriorating and the message became unintelligible. But I spoke with Rachel and she told me to come to you and make you aware" Kate told him.

"Ok, so you're assuming what?" Tom prompted her.

"The booster shots I had 8 months ago were not above board FDA wise because I believe somehow it may have turned some operators into asymptomatic carriers of the virus" Kate told him.

"So you-"

"I'm not infected nor am I a carrier but I have the potential to become one. I assume I'll become a carrier if I'm exposed but I won't know for sure until Dr Scott runs blood tests and she has the information in the data packet regarding the virus" Kate told him.

"I sat with you here only a few days ago talking about Dr Scott's failure to find a vaccine and you didn't tell me any of this"

"I hadn't slept for three days, I had a blinding headache excuse me if I didn't remember some minor details from a series of messages that was over 20 hours long. I wasn't my best and I remember us never actually discussing what was in the Data Packet before you insinuated that I was a whore" Kate told him in a matter of fact manner.

"I didn't call you a whore" Tom told her defensively but realising his bad choice of words as he meant something entirely different.

"Something about me bending over for a man. Sounds like you're calling a whore or a slut because you never accused me of gaining something from being promiscuous" Kate said in a cold tone.

"We're getting off topic" Tom said as he knew better than to get into a conversation about a woman's sex life.

"You're right" Kate admitted, she pulled out a piece of folded paper from her pocket and tossed it on the table. "The uplink and download should take less than a minute, on the paper is my identification code, my army service number, my birthday and a bunch of random letters Evan made me memorize for company stuff like this assume and anything else I could remember that he would use as an encryption password. It's all yours" Kate told him in an ungrateful manner as she just handed him more than she wanted to but knew it was the only way to move forward.

"But it's not everything" Tom said. Kate gave him shrug and a tired smile.

"It's the best I can give you. The rest of the untranslated transcripts are mine until I read what's in the Data Packet which you'll have full access to anyway. But I'd prefer you not tell the crew about this or share that information on the paper to anyone except Mike. So are we good?" Kate asked him as she rose from her chair getting ready to leave.

"We'll see" Tom told her.