Conner shut off the lamp and the room went dark except for the moonlight coming through the window. Sam got up and took off his clothes, he had gym shorts in his backpack and put those on. Conner put on some sweatpants and crawled into bed. "Conner I have to pee I'll be right back."

Sam went down the hall, the bathroom door was open and the light was on. Anthony had just gotten out of the shower and was standing in front of the mirror combing his wet hair back. Sam knew he should wait in the bedroom until Conner's father was done but he couldn't make himself go. Anthony gave himself another once over with the towel and Sam watched as he bent over to dry his legs. Sam worked his eyes over Anthony's strong frame, he was defined and sculpted like a Roman gladiator, his short black hair and olive skin completed the image in Sam's fantasy.

Anthony looked up and caught a glimpse of Sam in the mirror, Sam was embarrassed and hoped he could play it off as an accident. "I'm sorry, I just came to pee and I didn't know anyone was in here." Sam started to back away, Anthony pulled up his pajama pants and stepped out of the bathroom in front of Sam. He looked at him with the same amber eyes as Conner, rimmed with black, thick lashes. Sam was trying to hide his erection but Anthony's eyes traveled down Sam's body and it was too late. "Hey its ok son, the bathroom is all yours." He patted Sam on the shoulder and smiled then walked back to his bedroom and shut the door.

…..

Dean closed his eyes and pretended Sam was sucking his cock instead of Pamela, "Christ baby you are so good to me." Dean caught himself before he called out Sam's name, instead he bit down on the side of his hand and started to push hard into her mouth. Pamela gagged and pulled away to get her breath, "Take it easy lover." She started again and Dean came in her mouth, he held her there to take all of it like Sam would have then let her go. She sat up and wiped her mouth, "I don't usually swallow but I think it wasn't me you were thinking of was it?"

Dean rolled on his side and closed his eyes, "No….no it was not sorry. I'm really tired is it ok if I go to sleep?" Pamela crawled in next to him and shut off the lamp, "No problem Dean, sweet dreams."

That night Dean had dark dreams of pain and torture, of demons and angels, one in particular with the blue eyes. Dean still couldn't make out the features, only the blue glowing in the darkness and burning away the pain, destroying the demons. The voice came deep, soft and low but sounded far away. "You will know me…" There was a rustling sound and then it was gone.

Dean bolted up breathing heavily, Pamela still slept, he looked at the clock and it was 5:45am, he decided to shower and pick up Sam.

…

Sam came back to the room and was glad the light was off, he climbed into bed with Conner but he put his back to him. He didn't want Conner to see the hard on Sam had and was trying to figure out how to will away. Conner woke up and spooned his body behind Sam, he was hard and pressing against Sam's lower back. Sam felt long delicate fingers working their way into his shorts and wrap around his cock.

"Conner whispered in Sam's ear, "If we can be quiet can I play with you? I've never gotten to touch anyone like this." Sam closed his eyes and pressed back against him, he felt the unskilled fingers working over him, squeezing lightly, exploring and then Conner began to work his hand up and down roughly. "Conner, be gentle and go slower to start with." Sam placed his hand over his and he showed his friend the right pressure and pace, after a few minutes Sam pushed his face into the pillow, groaned loudly and spurted over the boys hand.

Soon after Sam felt the wetness on his lower back, Conner was so quiet he didn't realize his friend had an orgasm until he felt that. Conner planted a kiss on his neck and put his arms around his waist. "Thank you Sam, thank you for sleeping over. I think you are so perfect and sweet, I trust you with me."

Conner fell asleep and Sam felt like the most untrustworthy person in the world at that moment.

…

Rachel answered the door, it was Dean coming to pick up Sam, "Hey there I'm Dean, Sam's brother is he ready to go?" Rachel couldn't believe that one brother was as handsome as the other, she snapped out of her little fantasy and motioned toward the kitchen, "Sam is eating breakfast, do you want to stay for breakfast?" Dean smiled kindly, "No that's ok."

Anthony had made pancakes and the boys were eating at the table, Sam stood up when Dean walked in, "Hey Dean this is my friend Conner, sister Rachel and their dad Anthony." Anthony walked over and put his hand on Sam's shoulder, "Your brother is a fine young man, a good friend to Conner and he is welcome anytime." Dean narrowed his eyes and watched the hand on his brother's shoulder, he saw the fingers squeeze just slightly and Anthony smiled. "You know its Saturday, if Sam wants to stay longer its fine, I can drive him home."

Dean grabbed Sam's jacket and backpack, "No he has chores but thanks" Anthony shook Dean's hand before they left, Dean held on tight just a second longer than normal, "Thanks for looking after my little brother, I am pretty protective of him." Sam rolled his eyes, "Dean come on I'm going to be eighteen don't embarrass me." Anthony smiled at Dean, "They have to grow up sometime."

…

Sam put his head on Dean's lap while he was driving trying to take a nap. Sam sat up and wrinkled his nose. "You stink." Dean frowned, "Hey I took a shower." Sam held his nose, "Your pants and shirt stink like Fisherman's Warf at low tide doused with cheap perfume, gross Dean what did you do last night?"

Dean gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white, "I would imagine not anything worse than you did Sam you fucking liar."

Sam looked out the window, he couldn't look at his brother, "I saw you with Ms Ableson, I figured she told you about the scholarship and Stanford next year. I'm sorry Dean I wanted to tell you but Bobby and I thought…" Dean pulled into the parking lot of the local park and shut off the car. "Wait, Bobby knew and didn't tell me?" Sam touched Dean's shoulder and his brother jerked away. "I asked him not to say anything until I was ready to talk to you about it so don't get mad at him."

Dean got out and went to sit under a tree by the large pond, Sam got out and sat next to him. Dean's eyes were red and he was trying not to cry. He felt like a fool, worse he felt alone in the world for the first time ever. He didn't look at his brother when he started to talk.

"Sammy, I don't get it, I thought you wanted to be a hunter. We were going to be on the road together saving the world. You said you had my back Sam, always, and now this? What the hell am I supposed to do baby boy, just do it on my own? Dean turned to Sam, "I find you at that kids house and its Erik all over again isn't it? I gave you a pass on that one Sammy but my heart can only take so much before I can't fix it anymore." Dean rested his head back on the tree and started to cry, he twisted the ring on his finger Sam had given him.

Sam wanted to reach out to his brother but there were people in the park , the best he could do was touch his shoulder. "I'm sorry Dean, I'm seventeen and I guess I want to see what its like with other people, that makes me a jackass but it doesn't change anything that I feel for you. Dean you're the most important person in my life, I love you and that will never change. I want to go to college, I want to have a career so I can take care of us instead of you always having to take care of me.

Sam grabbed his shoulders and faced Dean toward him and looked into his eyes, "Wouldn't that be better, to have me take care of you Dean? I can do it you know, we can get older and not worry about being stable or where the next meal is going to come from." Sam didn't care that anyone would see them, he hugged his brother and Dean cried on his shoulder.

"Sammy you know that wont happen, that isn't how life works. I'm not normal, I can't give you normal and if you want the white picket fence, the dog in the yard and a 9 to 5 I can't stop you but there isn't a place for me there and if you were honest with yourself you could see that."

Dean pulled away and looked at his baby brother with eyes that held a lifetime of tragedy and pain. "You know Sam, you will meet someone there and they will be the person you love the most and I'll become a memory, stories you tell your kids about brave uncle Dean because I'll be dead by then. I am what I am Sammy and nothing is gonna change my lot in life."

Sam tried to talk and Dean held up his hand, "No Sam let me finish. Since I was born people have taken from me until there wasn't anything left. I never got a chance to be innocent, be a kid or live anything close to normal but the one thing I always had was you, the only person who knew me and all my flaws and loved me anyway. I wont guilt you into staying, I can survive on my own but just know that if you leave me I don't know if we can make it Sammy."

…

They walked into the house and Bobby had dinner ready, "Go wash up, its time to eat boys, I thought you would have been here an hour ago." Sam walked up stairs, went in their bedroom and crawled into bed. He wasn't hungry, he didn't want to talk and his mind was racing trying to see how this could all work out, how he could have his education and still have his brother. He lay there looking out the window watching the sun go down, fall was turning to winter and Sam wondered how he and Dean were going to survive together.

…..

Dean picked at his mashed potatoes, for once he wasn't hungry but he had room for another beer, "You want another Bobby?" Bobby shook his head, "No Dean what I want is you to tell me what happened." Dean opened the beer and sat back at the table with his head down, "I know about the scholarship, Stanford and Sam's new friend, that's it then its over."

Bobby slapped the table and Dean sat up, "Sure son its over if you want it to be over but what book says you gotta let go just because Sam wants to go to college? Everyday life pulls people apart but it doesn't stop them for loving each other. Is Sam gonna stop being your brother when he leaves, you think he is going to forget about you? Dean you are pretty damn unforgettable to Sam and I have enough faith in him, I wish you did also. He has a chance at life, not like us always fixin' to get in another bad situation after another on this fool's errand we are on to save the world from monsters."

Dean got up from the table and brought the plates into the kitchen, "I'm going to turn in but you gave me something to think about, good night Bobby."

…

The lights were off and the room was dark, Dean made his way over to the bed, undressed and got in staying as far to his side as he could. He tried to sleep but all he could think about is next year the other side would be empty. Dean slid his hand over to Sam but didn't touch him, just felt the heat coming off his body. Sam stirred and instinctively reached out for Dean in his sleep. Sam rolled over and opened his eyes, he saw the outline of his brother and moved over to rest on Dean's chest.

"Dean are you awake?" Dean wasn't going to answer just pretend he was asleep but Sam always new by his heartbeat when his was sleeping. "Yeah Sammy I'm awake." Sam looked up and he could just make out Dean's lips and kissed them softly, "I'm so sorry, I love you so much. Dean if you hated me I couldn't stand it. Please talk to me."

Dean sighed, he didn't know what to say anymore instead he rolled over and kissed his brother, pulling him into a full embrace and stroked his long hair smelling the fresh shampoo, running his cheek along the softness and kissed his forehead. They stayed like that for a long time. Touching like the other would disappear at any moment, it ended with Sam's head back on his brothers chest listening for the easy rhythm of Dean's breathing. Only then could Sam fall asleep.

TBC