Molly – Tuesday 16:00

"So how are you this week?" asked Molly with a smile on her face.

"I'm good Molly. How about you?" asked Sweets.

"I have barely been out of bed." said Molly. "Basically my routine now is wake up, eat, sleep, eat, watch television, and eat, maybe if I am up for it I'll play with Jas, shower and then sleep."

"How are you parents coping with your disorder?" asked Sweets.

"Dad keeps checking if I haven't starved to death. I think he is just confused."

"Confused?"

"I think he is wondering what happened to his baby. I was a happy little girl once believe it or not. I wish I could return to that."

"Being happy has its limits."

"I suppose." said Molly."I have to rest all the time and the couch isn't comfortable to sleep on. It isn't the first time a room in our house was like a hospital room. When Jasmine came home from the hospital after that six-week stay, she spent the first week just sleeping. I gave her a bath that week and I saw she had lost weight because she didn't want to eat but that is common in pneumonia patients. I was so scared that when I took her out she'd slip out of my arms and break."

"You never wanted to be thin but sometimes things happen." said Sweets. "Do you want to talk about Harry?"

"If I have to. I had a crush on Harry when I was eleven. He was my first everything: boyfriend, kiss, sex, guy who got me pregnant, love."

"How do you feel about him now?" asked Sweets.

"I think I still love him. I have loved him since I was eleven so I am not getting over it soon."

"Molly, you're young so you are not going to spend the next ten years single."

"I know but do you ever get over your first love?" asked Molly. "I think sometimes it might have been different if I didn't miscarry. We may have a little baby keeping us to together."

"Did you personally want the baby?"

"I think I did. Before I realised something was wrong, I thought that even though my parents would flip and I'm way too young, a baby couldn't be so bad. The strange thing is that I was more scared of telling Mom than Dad."

"Is it because of your brother?"

"I think I was scared she'd be disappointed at me for repeating what she did at my age. I mean she is too young to be a grandmother. When I was waiting for the EPT result to come back, I kept fretting about Mom and Dad's reactions."

"What did you think when the test came back positive?"

"I was swearing in my head."

"It must have been a shock to you."

"You try being a pregnant sixteen year old. I couldn't believe it had happened. Harry and I were safer than safe every time."

"So how did you feel when the nurse said you had miscarried?"

"I just felt like something had been taken away from me, and that I was out of control."

"You know when you mentioned that you had a very minor bulimia lapse, was that before or after you miscarried."

"After. What happened was that my parents were at the hospital with Jasmine and it was the day she came home. A couple of hours before she did, I got into the car and drove to the grocery store and got some cookies, ice cream, chips, then I went to McDonalds and got their chicken sandwich, a large coke and a McFlurry. I drove to KFC and ordered a bargain bucket .Then I came home and binged until I felt sick then ran to the bathroom and threw it all back up. Thinking about it now, it's kind of gross. I suppose it makes sense. People with bulimia feel like they are in control when they binge and plunge and I wanted that. It was a spur of the moment thing but I think that is the only time I have ever felt in control."

"That is true. Unfortunately we cannot control our own bodies. Our bodies are designed to die whether we like it or not."

"I think I would have made a good mom."

"You may do eventually." said Sweets. "Do you think you decided to have sex too young?"

"At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing. I was with someone who I loved, we had both consented and I was sure that I was ready. I mean I wasn't drunk so I knew what I was doing. I fell pregnant because I needed some comforting after Jasmine went into hospital. I was on the pill but that failed. We used a condom but that failed as well."

"How did Harry react when you told him?"

"I told him before I took the test and he was shocked. He was there for me though out so I knew he would have supported me." said Molly pushing herself off the sofa. She walked to the window and looked at her brittle nails. "I have to take two iron tablets a day, a tranquiliser in the morning so I can sleep until noon and before I go to sleep at night."

"Do you feel out of control because of them?" asked Sweets.

"If I cannot control when I sleep then how can I control myself when I leave home?"

"Do you find yourself too dependent on your parents?"

"I suppose it is because I grew up in a close household where I could depend on my parents to help me with everything. You could say I have been mollycoddled." said Molly with a small smile. "Even though I am clever, good-looking and fairly well liked at school, I don't really have much self-esteem."

"How do you have low self-esteem?"

"I guess it is because of the money issue. I'm not ashamed of my family; I couldn't be more proud of them. It's just that sometimes in school I get put down because I am the only girl in my grade that doesn't have to pay and that makes me a little self-conscious about my clothes and hair."

"Maybe you should prove that you are better than them because you may be slightly poorer you are smarter."

"I know but I think that my issue comes from them thinking they are better than me because they are rich and I am not." said Molly sitting down again. "Also when I did ballet up until I was about thirteen the girls were really… bitchy."

"You still don't feel comfortable with the whole swearing in front of adults?"

"No. I think it came from an incident when I was staying at my grandfather's when I was about four and Mom had accidentally – she never swore in front of us – cursed in front of me because I think she hit her hand on something and I, being impressionable, thought it was clever to repeat the word in front of Grandpa's wife. I remember her screaming at me and I ran to hide and cry my eyes out. I think when Mom came to collect me, Hilda told Mom about me and I heard an argument break out. Mom was livid that Hilda would yell at me because I had said something I didn't understand."

"Did your mother talk to you about swearing after?" asked Sweets.

"I think when she calmed down Mom talked to me and told me that swearing is only an adult thing and that I shouldn't do it again. She didn't yell, just firmly reprimanded me."

"You and your mom have a lot more in common than you know."

"I barely managed a day in that house, how she did it for eighteen years is beyond me."

"I could talk about it some more next week if you want."

"Okay."

"Molly how are you coping with your eating disorder?"

"Better. I've managed to gain a couple of pounds but I don't think I am cured yet."

"I am sure you'll get better."

"I know and I'll try."