The Heather Channel Chapter 25
Heather settled into the dismal routine of helping in the Mead Hall every day. That meant peeling vegetables, taking out garbage, cleaning messes in the Hall, washing dishes, and everything else that the cooks didn't want to do. She somehow kept a pleasant attitude, and eventually won the friendship of most of the cooks and their helpers. They let her take breaks from her drudge work by sending her to the market to get produce and bread for the meals.
A week into her stay, Trader Johann's ship arrived. The head cook lamented, "I would just love to get some cinnamon from him! I could do something really special for tonight's meal. But we've spent all our spare money for the month already. Oh, well." Heather used her lunch break to visit Johann, and bought a tin of cinnamon with her own money. The cook was nearly speechless with delight.
As the two-week mark drew near, Heather grew noticeably more nervous. Hiccup and Astrid kept their dragons on guard duty for her at night, but it didn't ease her nerves. "It's not that I don't trust the dragons," she told them. "It's that I know Bergsveinn. What if he catches me in the daytime when I'm not being guarded?"
"We could arrange for Snotlout to guard you," Hiccup suggested. "You and I both know he'd leap at the chance. He wouldn't have to be as strong as Bergsveinn; as long as he was there as a witness, your ex-husband wouldn't dare strike you down."
"It would have to be Snotlout," she sighed. "He'd get all kinds of ideas."
"As you're so fond of saying, you may not have much choice in the matter," Astrid said. "But I had another thought. If Bergsveinn comes from such a powerful family, then will it start a war between your homeland and Berk if our dragons kill him?"
"It might," she nodded reluctantly. "Can you train your dragons to capture him without killing him?"
"Given enough time, we could, but we're running out of time," Hiccup said. "Astrid and I had a different idea..."
Two weeks and a day after the first attack, a small ship quietly coasted into Berk's harbor under cover of darkness. A solitary figure crept up the ramps to ground level and stopped. He had been here only once before, and it took him a few seconds to remember where the guest house was. The full moon gave him plenty of light to find his way.
He crept to the door and eased it open. The glowing fire pit enabled him to see inside. There in the bed lay Heather... asleep in the arms of that triple-cursed bean-pole!
"HEATHER!" he screamed, drawing his sword so it rang. They both sat bolt-upright. "You unfaithful witch! I knew I'd find you here with him! Now you'll finally get what you deserve, both of you!" He raised his sword, took a long step toward the bed –
...and Heather leaped out of bed and grabbed an axe that was leaning against the wall.
Bergsveinn relaxed and laughed. "Oh, this is just too good! I was wondering how I'd escape the social disapproval when a man kills a woman. Now I can say it was self-defense! I'll tell you what – I'll even let you take the first swing. If you can swing that axe, of course. You were never the strongest –"
"YAAAHHH!" She leaped at him faster than he expected, and swung with a force he never foresaw. He started backwards in surprise, and that probably saved his life. Her blow knocked his blade aside and raked his chest, slicing his clothes open from shoulder to shoulder and opening a shallow but painful cut. Before he could swing back, she had leaped away and raised the axe for a second strike.
"By the way," she growled. "I'm not Heather." She pulled off a dark wig, revealing blonde hair underneath.
"First blood goes to my wife," Hiccup commented. He had pulled a short sword from under the bed, and was standing in a defensive position. "What will it be, Bergsveinn? You're not going to find Heather here. Do you want to fight the best axe-warrior in the village, on her chosen terrain, even though you won't get any revenge out of it?"
"You hold that sword poorly, bean-pole. I could cut you down with one hand behind my back."
"I would cut you down before you took two steps toward him," Astrid warned him.
What kind of insane tribe was this, where the women did the fighting to protect their husbands? He'd sort this out later. Bergsveinn turned and ran – about one step. The doorway was suddenly filled with a huge snarling black head that seemed to be mostly teeth. He considered attacking the dragon, but realized he'd have to turn his back on the warrior woman to do it. He was cornered. He backed away two steps and glared at them.
"What do you want?" he muttered.
"Slide your sword under the bed," Astrid said, "and sit down on the floor. I am going to watch you until Hiccup comes back with some witnesses. I'd prefer not to kill you, but I'll take your head off in a heartbeat if I think I have to." He considered the glare in her eyes, slid his sword under the bed, and sat down. Hiccup stepped out of the house; the dragon moved his head enough to let him by.
"Protect Astrid!" he told the Night Fury. Toothless growled.
"Dragons take orders from you?" Bergsveinn asked. "What kinds of witches do you grow on this island?"
"Did you wonder what happened to your two lackeys?" Astrid said to him. "We told our dragons to protect Heather. End of story." He glanced nervously at the black dragon.
"I knew I should have done it myself instead of sending those idiots." After a minute, he looked up at Astrid. "My family is not going to like it when they hear about this insult."
"Oh, really?" she asked. "You're planning to tell them how a woman defeated you?"
That didn't work. "I don't suppose we could make a deal?"
"What kind of a deal?" she asked, pretending to be interested.
"I'm a rich man from a powerful family," he went on. "In exchange for something shiny in your purse, could you give me a five-minute head start towards my ship?"
"An interesting thought," she nodded. "Too bad for you, I'm married to the son of the chief, and I already have all the shiny things I ever wanted."
"That bean-pole is the son of your chief?" he asked in amazement. After another minute, he put on his most winning expression. "Did you ever wonder what it would be like, being married to a real man?"
"You'll be a real man without a nose if you say one more word against my husband," she snarled. Now he was out of ideas, so he just sat.
Hiccup returned about ten minutes later with a lantern, Stoick, Spitelout, and Heather, who had slept in the Mead Hall for the past two nights. She took one glance and said, "Yes, that is the man."
"I mentioned those other two murderers, and he admitted he sent them," Astrid added.
"Three counts of attempted murder," Stoick mused, stroking his beard. "Four, since Hiccup says you threatened him as well. You'll get a fair hearing, but it shouldn't take long. You were stupid in front of too many witnesses."
"If you take my life," Bergsveinn quavered, "you will bring such wrath upon your heads as you cannot imagine."
"Very poetic, Bergsveinn, but not likely," Stoick countered. "I didn't become chief of this village by ignoring politics. Killing you would be satisfying, but not in our best interests. I think we can find something better to do with you..."
o
Hiccup rested one hand on Toothless' neck, and the other on Astrid's shoulder. "A man never had two more faithful protectors," he smiled.
"You probably don't feel this way," Heather added, "but a girl never had a more faithful group of friends."
"We'll withhold judgment on that one," Astrid said.
"Maybe you don't feel like a friend," Heather countered, "but you've acted like one. Thanks to you, I've got my life, I've got freedom, I'm not afraid... I've got hope. That's something new for me. And you finally got to use all that axe training on a live target."
"Well, there is that," Astrid shrugged.
"I understand you really mean to leave this time?" Stoick asked.
"I want to put some real distance between me and here," she answered. "You've done a lot for me, and I'd like to repay you by giving you what you really want, which is a total absence of 'me.' I'm going to go home, say goodbye to my parents, and take a ship across the sea to the Danelaw, or maybe Eire. Viking women are in short supply out there. I'm young, I'm not bad-looking, and I've got my little box. Maybe I can find a husband of my own choosing, and keep him for more than a month or two."
"We all wish you well," Hiccup said. Astrid nodded half-heartedly.
"Thank you, all of you. For everything." Heather took one last sad look at Hiccup, turned, and walked down the ramps to where Bergsveinn's small ship waited. In the absence of any other claimants, it was hers now.
They watched her sail away. "Do you think we've seen the last of her?" Stoick wondered.
"She keeps saying 'never again,' and she keeps showing up again, with a new kind of distress every time," Hiccup noted. "I really don't think she's evil; she's just a walking shipwreck. If life ever gave her half a chance, she might – OW!" Astrid had just whacked him in the arm.
"She's gone now, Hiccup. You can stop trying to say nice things about her."
Hiccup grinned. "What's the matter? Are you afraid I'm going to run out of nice things to say, and leave you with nothing?"
She rested her hands on his shoulders. "I am exercising my right as your wife, and I'm claiming every nice thing you could ever say about any girl." She pulled him a bit closer. "So... say something nice about me."
"You have good taste in men," he smiled. "OW! I guess some things will never change."
"I'll tell you something else that will never change," she said quietly. "You will never see me walking away from you, like she keeps doing. In fact, since you obviously need your arm whacked at regular intervals, that means I'll have to stay by your side for the rest of your life."
"I can live with that." He took her in his arms. "You have no idea how much I can live with that!"
o
The Berk ship hove-to off the coast of Outcast Island, flying the red flag that meant they carried a new citizen for the island. The rules were strict; in order to keep the Outcasts from siezing a ship, they could send only a rowboat with a single oarsman to collect the newest Outcast. Alvin, Savage, and the others waited at their ramshackle dock to greet the new arrival.
They took one look at his fancy clothing and began shouting crude comments. "Oi! They sent us a regular perfumed prince, they did!" Savage mocked. "Didn't you bring your butler with you?"
Bergsveinn tried to maintain his dignity. "Well, I'm here, and there's nothing I can do about it. What, exactly, do Outcasts do?"
"Oh, I've got something special to get you started," Alvin grinned. He handed the new arrival a shovel. "The pig pen needs to be cleaned out, and guess who's going to do the cleaning?" Everyone laughed uproariously, except Bergsveinn for some reason.