It was just shy of three in the morning, and Meredith knew she should be sleeping, being the first night in almost two weeks that she was lying beside her husband in their own bed. Derek had finally been released from the hospital that morning, with a novel list of instructions and enough medications to stock a small pharmacy.

But it didn't matter, because it had been eleven days and he was finally home.

Carolyn and Jenna were staying for another couple days, and even though their presence at home would have bothered Meredith just two weeks earlier, it didn't now. They had helped pack up Derek's things, and Jenna had driven them all home early that afternoon. Meredith had sat in the backseat, holding Derek's hand. The position had obviously been uncomfortable for him, and he cringed with every bump, start and stop, but he had smiled most of the way home.

She was proud of him, for putting up with being a patient for so long. The constant light, noise and monitoring. Not to mention his family's worries and her hovering. He had barely complained, though he hadn't hidden his relief at finally being able to go home.

Once back at the house, they had settled him in the living room. After a few hours he was worn out and ready to sleep. The stairs to the second floor had been a challenge, but he had managed with some help. She had offered to find a way to make up a bed on the main level, at least for the first few days, but he had refused. He had wanted to sleep in their room and she hadn't the heart to try and convince him otherwise.

Once in the privacy of their bedroom, Derek's eyes had welled. And, unable to not cry when he was crying, Meredith's had quickly followed suit. He had hugged her as best he could. And after a few minutes Derek's energy level had drained and she had helped him into bed. He had woken twice since, but both times were short lived, for the most part leaving Meredith alone with her thoughts.

There had been moments when she had had to seriously consider life without him. Moments where she had to consider the possibility that they would fail; that she would lose her husband. Eleven days earlier there had been several moments where all she had been able to feel was defeat. And in the days following she had suffered from bouts of overwhelming fear and helplessness from the situation.

And now, finally back at home with her husband, Meredith couldn't define any of the emotions she was feeling, save for confusion. Confusion was definitely taking a front seat in her emotional train at the moment.

Which was maybe why, instead of curling up next to her husband in their first night back in their own bed in two weeks, Meredith was sitting up against the headboard, her knees to her chest and her ring grasped between her thumb and forefinger in front of her eyes.

She had kept it in a small box in her nightstand since Derek had given it to her the night she had agreed to spend the rest of her life with him. She had never worn it outside of the bedroom, but some nights, when Derek was asleep or at the hospital and Meredith couldn't sleep, she would pull it out and marvel that it was hers. Some nights she even put it on.

She rolled it between her fingers and glanced beside her. It was strange, after spending a week sleeping on his right to now be back on her usual side of the bed. But he hadn't said anything when she had pulled the covers over him and kissed him goodnight. And when she had crawled into bed next to him and snuggled up against his shoulder he had mumbled that he loved her. She had whispered it back in the dark and listened as his breathing evened out as he fell asleep, propped up by a pile of pillows.

And despite his warmth and the comfort she felt at being back in their bed, Meredith didn't sleep. She had been aware before he had woken both times, and had been able to soothe him back to sleep quickly. Eventually she had given up finding sleep and had rolled away to reach for her ring.

Derek was still sleeping now, his eyes closed and his chest rising and falling evenly, as she sat up beside him. She closed her fist around the ring and reached her free hand to run through his mussed hair. He didn't even stir. And after a long moment, she withdrew her hand and returned her attention to the small object that somehow meant more now than it had the last time she had held it.

She had never been the kind of girl who needed the big, flashy engagement ring. But that didn't mean she didn't want it. Not the big or the flashy, but the ring itself. Knowing it was there had brought her comfort on many sleepless nights. Now, however, it seemed to be contributing to her insomnia.

Derek had never told her it had been his mother's ring, and his grandmother's before. That meant he hadn't gone out and spent some amount of money on a piece of jewellery for her. It meant he had given her a piece of his family and his history. An heirloom. Something he – and his mother, apparently – considered to be meant for her to have.

Meredith opened her fist and smiled softly at the small ring. Normally one to avoid late night contemplations, tonight she couldn't help it. Her relationship with Derek, especially at the beginning, had been inconsistent and scary. At some point though, they had figured each other out enough to get on a path that had led them to this point. Love. Commitment. Stability.

But even knowing where they had come from and where they had arrived at, Meredith couldn't pinpoint her emotions when Derek had given her the ring. He had been certain; that she knew for sure. Otherwise he would never have given her the ring his family had kept from Addison for eleven years.

Had she been as certain at that point, almost a year and a half ago?

When they had gotten back together for the last time and had truly begun to meld their lives together, she had been scared and insecure, and not certain they could make it work. Not certain she could make it work. But all of that had improved on a continuum that had led to the devoted couple who had been willing to die for one another less than two weeks prior.

She wondered now why Derek had never told her the importance of the ring. Had she still be flighty enough that he hadn't wanted to startle her? She couldn't remember where on the continuum she had fallen at the time. The weeks and days leading up to his breathtaking proposal had been stressful, to say the least. The death row inmate and the truth about Derek's father. His mother's visit and the panic that had accompanied it. Addison, and Derek's old friends. Archer's surgery. Jenn's death and Derek's subsequent breakdown and self-induced isolation.

The last events had been the hardest. Living without Derek for those few days had been much more difficult than she would have expected. She hadn't been able to sleep without him next to her. She hadn't been able to breathe not knowing if he was okay. And she hadn't been able to concentrate while wondering if she was doing the right thing for him.

Meredith took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly as she remembered the emotions she had been feeling at the time. And then she knew. She had definitely been certain at that point. She had been certain she and Derek could make their relationship work indefinitely. She had trusted him.

But why had he not told her about the ring?

Had she not told him she was certain? Had she not made sure he knew she trusted him?

He knew now. He had to. But still the secrecy with the ring.

She silently slid it onto her left ring finger and smiled softly at the chill it sent up her spine. And then she chuckled quietly, realizing he wasn't the only one with a secret related to the ring. She had never told him about her late night hand modelling sessions.

Holding her hand out in front of her, she watched the moonlight from the window reflect off of the ring as she contemplated its feel. Its weight. The coolness of the bank around her finger. It felt good. Comforting. And now, knowing the history of the ring, it made her feel like she belonged.

"Looks good," Derek's soft voice pulled her from her reverie and she startled, having thought he was asleep.

Her hand came to her chest as she released a nervous giggle. "You scared me."

"Mmm, sorry," he mumbled, "Though you had to know I was here. I'm not exactly up to being stealthy these days..."

She giggled again. "I thought you were asleep. How long have you been spying on me?"

"Not long. You seem...lost."

Meredith reached her right hand to run through his hair. "You know that I trust you, right?"

His eyes pinched, and then closed. And for a long moment she thought he had fallen back to sleep. But he surprised her when he released a groan and struggled to sit up.

"What are you doing? Stop."

Derek ignored her, and managed to manoeuvre himself into a sitting position on the side of the bed in the time it took Meredith to get up and try to stop him. He hissed in pain as he sat, doubled over, his arms across his chest, protective.

"You stupid, stubborn man," she muttered, sitting to his left and rubbing his back with her right hand.

He breathed, and slowly sat upright. "That hurt a little more than I thought," he admitted quietly.

"You're an idiot," she said flatly.

"I was getting sore lying that way anyway. It's what woke me up."

"Then you should have said something instead of deciding to just launch yourself off the freaking bed, Derek. You could have hurt yourself."

His left hand fell onto her knee. "I'm okay, Mer. I promise. It just hurts to move. But it's normal pain."

Still rubbing his back, she leaned her head against his shoulder. "You're still an idiot."

He released a laughing breath. "Maybe. But you knew that when you married me."

She giggled. "I guess I did." She placed her free hand over his.

"I need to sit up for a bit," he mumbled

Silently, she stacked the pillows against the headboard and helped him to sit so he was leaning against it. When he was settled, she sat cross-legged beside him, facing him, so their lefts hips touched.

"Better?"

He nodded, and then offered her a tender smile. "What's all this about trust?"

She shrugged. "I just want to make sure you know."

"That you trust me? I know."

"Are you sure? Because I never told you. I remember telling you I would try to trust you. But I never told you when I did."

"I know," he said again, reaching for her hand. "You didn't have to say it, Meredith. I could tell when it happened. It took me a while to make up for everything I put you through, but when I did, you looked at me differently. And I just knew." He smiled at her again. "I still know."

"Oh."

"Do you know that I trust you?"

She nodded.

"Because I told you?"

"No," she said with an understanding smile. "I just know."

"Good." He reached up to brush a few stray stands of hair out of her face. "Because I do."

"Me too."

He squeezed her hand, and then brushed his fingers along her ring finger. "What triggered all this?"

She breathed as she realized she was still wearing the ring. "I couldn't sleep. And I..." She pulled the ring off her finger and held it out between them. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He closed his hand around hers, so they were holding the ring together, as if he sensed importance, but wasn't sure why. "Tell you what?"

"Your mom told me the ring was hers," she said quietly.

"Mmm-hmm," he nodded in agreement, his eyes meeting hers, expectant. He was waiting for something more. "And?"

It threw her off. He hadn't even flinched that she now knew the ring had been handed down from Carolyn. "And?" She echoed. "And the ring was your mother's. And your grandmother's."

He nodded. "You knew that," he said calmly, and his even tone told her he believed it and was still waiting for her to say something more to explain her sudden contemplative insomnia.

"No, Derek, I didn't. You never told me."

"Of course I did. I..." He trailed off. "Everyone else knew. I was going to tell you when I gave it to you. I...I didn't tell you?"

They had split up after his proposal. He had gone to Owen and she had gone to Cristina. They had gotten home late to celebrate. She could remember lying under him on their bed, half clothed late that night. His lips had been busy against the sensitive skin of her neck when he had pulled away abruptly. She had groaned and watched through dilated pupils as he padded across the room and reached into his leather briefcase. When he had pulled the small box from the bag and presented her with the ring her attention had been much more on him than on the object in his hand. Hours later, lying spent and naked in her fiancé's arms, she had reached for the small box sitting on her nightstand. That had been the first night she had secretly slipped the small band onto her finger.

She laughed before she could help it. And the more she tried to stop, the harder she laughed. Tears streaked down her face and she dropped his hand, leaving the ring to his safe keeping, and buried her face against her palms. "Oh," she mumbled through her laughter. "I'm the idiot."

Obviously confused about her reaction, but doing his best for her, Derek rubbed her knee. "It's okay. I knew that when I married you, too."

She wiped her hands down her face, trying to remove the tears. "You have no idea where my head was at, trying to figure out why you hadn't told me. And it turns out you just forgot."

He smirked at her. "Mer, I rarely have an idea where your head is at. Tell me what you were thinking."

"Just...I don't even know. I couldn't figure out why you hadn't wanted me to know. I was trying to figure out if I was still flighty and you were afraid to tell me. And then I couldn't figure out why you hadn't told me afterwards, because I know I'm not flighty now and-"

"I'm sorry," he whispered, cutting her off. "I promise I never meant not to tell you. I honestly thought I had. But I guess with everything that was happening..." He offered her a soft smile. "I told Cristina, if that means anything. I definitely wouldn't tell Cristina anything I didn't want getting back to you."

"When did you tell Cristina?"

He shrugged. "Before I proposed."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "How many people knew you were going to propose before I did?"

"A lot," he admitted. "I told Cristina, because I knew you'd need her. And then I made the mistake of telling Mark. He can't keep a secret."

She smiled at this. "What did your mom say when you asked for the ring?"

He smiled tenderly at her and reached to cup her cheek. "I didn't ask."

"But-"

"She gave it to me," he whispered. "She just knew. Said I needed you."

Meredith felt her eyes well with tears. "Really?"

He nodded. "I told you she liked you."

"Yeah, I know. But I thought that was just something you say."

"Not me. She liked you, Meredith, right from the beginning. She knew I needed you." He paused and reached for her hand, bringing it to his chest so that it lay palm down over his heart, his hand holding it in place. "And she was right."

The tears kept coming now, and streamed down her face.

"You saved my life, Meredith."

A sob escaped from somewhere deep in her chest. "Oh," she whimpered, "Derek..."

"Hey. It's okay. We're okay."

"I don't want to live without you."

"Me neither."

"I almost had to."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Stop freaking apologizing. It's not your fault."

"I know. But I can't stand watching you cry." His eyes were damp now too.

She shifted the hand that was pressed to his chest, so that she was now clutching to the fabric of his tee shirt. His hand found her back, and she allowed him to pull her to his chest. Careful of his incision, she tucked her face into the crook of his neck and cried.

"It's okay," he murmured into her hair. "The worst parts are over. You got us through it, Mer. You can let your guard down now. It's okay. It's just me."

His tender words were spot on and only served to make her cry harder. He always seemed to know what she was thinking.

He knew she was struggling for footing now.

"We're moving forward now," he whispered. "We're moving away from it." He rubbed her back. "You can stop focussing on me, and focus on you. It's okay."

With a sniff, she sat up, smiling as he wiped the tears from her cheeks. "It's really over?"

"The worst parts are." He ran his hand down her neck and across her shoulder, and then back. "You've been amazing. You are amazing. And there is nothing in this world that I love or trust more than you. There's nothing I'm purposefully keeping from you or don't want you to know." He offered her a soft smile. "So, you can stop secretly trying on rings in the middle of the night."

She inhaled. "You...caught me before?"

He smirked. "Once or twice. Thought I'd let you have your secret. But you never looked confused like tonight."

"Yeah, well, before it was just about the 'wow, this is actually for me.'"

"And tonight?"

"Tonight I couldn't figure out why you gave it to me without wanting me to know its history."

He hummed as his lips curled into a soft smile and his eyes sparkled, preparing to tell her now. "My grandfather bought it for my grandmother. He died before I was born. But she didn't die until I was around six. I vaguely remember her telling me they had been soul mates. They married early. Eighteen and twenty maybe. She told me she had given it to my dad when he had met my mom. And she told me one day my mom would give it to me when I fell in love."

Meredith smiled softly as she looked down at the ring he was still holding between them. Though, it wasn't just a ring now. It had a history.

Derek chuckled. "I'm pretty sure my response to that was to tell her girls were 'icky' and I was never going to fall in love. But, to be fair, I was five and surrounded by sisters."

She giggled, before sobering. "Can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything."

"Why didn't you give it to Addison?"

He nodded, as if expecting the question. "I don't know. I guess I always knew things weren't how they were supposed to be. After my dad died I kind of shut down. Stopped caring about my grades. I barely did well enough in high school to get into college. And then my sister over dosed and almost died."

Meredith nodded. He had told her about Amelia's earlier troubles, not that you could tell from the woman she was now.

"I was reckless," he admitted. "And it took me crashing my motorcycle to realize what I was doing to myself. I decided I wanted to change and Addison was...there. I married her and became the responsible neurosurgeon. And even though I knew it had gone wrong for a long time, I didn't know how to be the responsible neurosurgeon without...her. Until I met you."

"Oh."

He smiled at her. "I never asked my mom for the ring with Addison. And she never offered. And neither of us ever said anything about it until she gave it to me to give to you."

"Would you have asked for it if she hadn't offered it?"

"Yes," he said, without any hesitation. "It's meant for you, Meredith." He reached for her hand, and slowly slid the ring onto her finger. "You don't have to wear it, but if you want to, that's okay. You don't have to wear it in secret in the middle of the night."

She laughed at his tone, even as her nerve endings were tingling at the feeling of her husband slipping the ring onto her finger. "I know. I just...get a little crazy sometimes."

"I knew that when I married you, too."

"Smart ass." She stretched out her fingers and then made a fist. "It feels good. Natural."

"Meant to be."

She giggled. "There you go again."

"I told you I'd make a believer out of you. I didn't even have to have it resized or anything. And it fits you perfectly."

"I don't believe in soul mates, Derek," she said lightly, knowing he was teasing her.

He shrugged. "I seem to remember you not believing in love either."

"Yeah, well, I've changed."

"Changed in a good way?" He asked quietly.

She reached for his hand. "Yes. I'm not the same person I was three years ago. Hell, I'm not the same person I was two weeks ago." She paused. "I've changed," she repeated, only now with a different connotation. The shooting had changed her.

"Me too," he whispered in response. "We've both changed."

She shifted so that she was sitting beside him, also leaning against the headboard, her head resting on his shoulder. "I love you. That won't ever change."

"I love you, too. Forever."

They sat together in silence for several minutes.

"Thank you," she eventually murmured.

"Hmm?" He hummed in question.

"For letting me...freak out and cry and whatever. I didn't realize how much I was holding in."

"That's what I'm here for," he murmured in response. "No matter what's going on in my life, Meredith, I'm always here for you."

"Good. Me too."

"Good," he echoed quietly. He yawned and then continued with, "It's okay to be vulnerable sometimes. You are stronger than anyone else I've ever met. And you get everyone else through crisis after crisis. But everyone needs help sometimes. Hell, I've learned that the hard way these last eleven days."

Tears welled in her eyes, but didn't fall. "I'll keep that in mind. As long as you do too. We still have a long way to go before things are back to normal and if we don't both remember that then we-"

"What did I tell you?" He mumbled softly, cutting her off. "Always getting everyone else through the crisis." He turned his head and found her lips in the dark. "I'll remember," he promised between kisses.

She kissed him back hard, savouring the feeling of finally being able to kiss and touch her husband in the privacy and comfort of their bedroom. It wasn't until she began to feel a very familiar heat building within that she pulled away.

"Mean husband," she muttered. "You can't kiss me like that when we both know there's not going to be any follow through from either of us for a while."

He chuckled and pecked her lips once more for effect. "I get carried away with you."

She settled in beside him, her right arm hooked under his left and her head on his shoulder. "Are you going to sleep like this or do you want to lay back down?"

"Like this. At least for now. It feels pretty okay."

"Good."

"What are you going to do about the ring?" He asked.

She inhaled, having forgotten she was wearing it again. "I..." She trailed off, holding her hand out in front of her. "I think I'll keep it on for a while. See how I feel."

"It looks good on you."

"Doesn't make me look like one of those 'icky' girls?"

He chuckled and kissed the top of her head. "Not at all. In fact..."

"In fact what?"

"I don't know. Just...seeing you wear the ring. It kind of makes me want one."

"No offense, but a diamond ring doesn't exactly scream Derek Shepherd, neurosurgeon..."

"Funny." He captured her left hand with his. "I didn't want a wedding band before because I didn't think they meant anything. But now I like the idea."

She stared down at their joined hands and smiled. "I do too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she confirmed. "It'll serve to keep all the love struck interns away from you."

He chuckled. "Not my thing anymore."

Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, knowing he was baiting her, Meredith responded with, "The post-it says no more love struck interns."

"It does not."

"It does," she insisted. "It's just one of those unwritten vows that doesn't fit because post-its are small."

"They are small," he agreed. "And I was kind of thinking about that..."

"That post-its are small?"

"More that post-its are limited."

"Limited?" She lifted her head to meet his eyes.

"I love you," he said quickly, meeting her gaze evenly. "And I see you as my wife and nothing less. I don't need anything more to consider you my wife. But if something should ever happen to me-"

"Nothing is going to happen to you," she said, cutting him off.

"That's the plan," he agreed. "But Meredith, if it does, I don't want someone else considering you as less than my wife. And I don't want someone else making decisions for me if the need ever arose." He squeezed her hand. "You're my wife, Meredith. You have been for over a year and will be for the rest of my life. I just don't want our relationship questioned by someone who doesn't know us and doesn't understand."

"It could be me that's hurt too," she said quietly.

He nodded.

"And post-its are limited," she said in understanding.

He nodded again. "We'll still always consider the post-it as our wedding, but..." He trailed off, slightly flustered.

Meredith smirked. "Derek Shepherd, are you asking me to marry you again?"

He kissed her. "That depends on one thing."

"And that would be?"

"Whether or not you'll say yes."

"Yes," she whispered, pressing her lips to his again.

"Yes that you'll say yes, or yes to the-"

She cut him off with another kiss. "Stop being a smartass."

"It's a valid question." He countered, his eyes sparkling.

She giggled. "Don't make me say no."

He pulled her close and pressed his lips to the line of her jaw. "You wouldn't..."

"I couldn't," she corrected, snuggling into his shoulder again and closing her eyes. It would be uncomfortable to sleep sitting, but she wanted to be as near to her husband as possible.

He threaded their fingers together, the ring caught up in the pile of digits. "I can't say no to you either."

Her eyes welled despite the light hearted atmosphere. They had been through hell. But they had been through it together, and they had come out the other side. There was still a long road ahead of them, but it was much smoother than it had been. And the end was in sight. "I love you." They hadn't used the phrase on a daily basis before, but she suspected it would become part of their routine now. For words that had once gotten caught up in her throat every time she wanted to say them, it was the easiest sentence to say now.

"I love you, too."

The insomnia that had been plaguing her earlier was now gone. With her eyes closed and her body absorbing the heat from his, she felt sleep pulling at her awareness. There would be no more nightmares. Derek had chased them away.