You and Me: Chapter 21
'And all of the people'

"So this is nice," Victoria chirped as she forked another leaf of lettuce into her mouth. My knuckles were white as I clenched my fork. I had made this entire, flipping, elaborate dinner for her and she comes and takes the salad; the salad that she tainted with her homemade dressing.

"The dinner is really scrumptious Bells," Emmett smiled.

"Yah it really is," Victoria agreed.

"How would you know," Rosalie eyed her as she chomped murderously on her piece of steak, "You haven't eaten any of it."

Victoria looked down at her plate immediately, and I couldn't help but feel bad.

"I saw your spread in Seventeen magazine," I spoke up, "You looked absolutely gorgeous. I liked the short bio as well."

"Thanks," she smiled widely, "I can't wait to see your concert tomorrow."

I resisted the urge to spit out my beef, "You're coming?"

"Of course," Victoria nodded, "I normally go to Eddie's concerts."

Alice coughed on her wine, "That's so sweet," she grinned evilly at Edward, "Isn't it Eddie?"

"If you'll all excuse me," Jasper mumbled and stood up from the table. As he passed me he mumbled, "I need a beer."

"Grab me one would you," Emmett called.

I stood up quickly and cleared my throat, "I think I'm going to go check on the desert."

"Right," Edward interjected, "Bella, do you want me to help you with the desert in the kitchen."

Uh, oh, "No, I'm fine," I said quickly as I began to collect peoples' empty plates, "You don't need to."

"No, really," he grit through closed teeth, "I'll help."

We shared a long glance before continuing to pick up the eating utensils and heading to the kitchen. I would be lying if I said things weren't tense between Edward and me over the past month. Ever since that day when he had made it clear for the second time that he held no feelings for me I had been very careful to avoid physical contact as well as anything that might hint to me feeling anything more than platonic for him. I literally poured my feelings into the relationship with Mike, which was definitely going well, and could honestly say that I was slightly falling for him. The only problem was the nagging feeling of the tension with Edward. Somehow I knew that it would take a while for me to extinguish every spark I held for him. But that didn't make me a bad person did it? I was still, faithfully, with Mike. And I'd, technically, never kissed Edward.

"Would it kill you all to act civil," he dumped the plates in the sink, "I mean really."

"How was I acting uncivil," I asked, "I even complimented her."

"She's not stupid," Edward whispered harshly, "She can see the looks you guys exchange."

"Well that's what happens when you put your own dressing in somebody else's salad," I whispered back.

"You're just upset that somebody doesn't like your food," he scoffed, "How mature."

"You're talking to me about maturity," I laughed, "Eddie."

"Let it rest would you," He rolled his eyes, "you're just jealous."

"Of who, Victoria the Miracle Grower," I chuckled, "I'm very jealous. And don't even bring up my old crush on you. That ship has sailed and sunken."

"No you're jealous of the fact that my girlfriend can actually make time for me," Edward retorted, "I wasn't surprised that Mike couldn't make it."

"Maybe that says something about his success compared to Victoria's," I raised a brow.

"Or maybe that says something about how much time he wants to spend with you," he fired.

"You are insufferable," I took the desert plates from him and stalked out of the kitchen.

"Is everything ok," Victoria asked as the doorbell sounded.

"More than," I shot her a tight smile before heading to the door.

I swung the door open only to see the subject of my previous conversation. I flung my arms around him happily and pressed a hard kiss to his mouth.

"Hello to you too," he chuckled.

I smiled genuinely, "I haven't seen you in like five days."

"I know, trust me, I missed you too," he placed another softer kiss on my mouth, "I'm sorry I'm so late."

"Well I didn't know you were going to be here in the first place," I said, "so anything is better than nothing. You're just in time for desert. Come on in."

I helped him out of his jacket and placed it on the coat rack before walking into the dining area with him, "Look who turned up guys."

"Mike," Emmett cheered.

"Hey man," he clapped hands with him, "Hey guys, great to see you all."

"Good to see you too," Jasper said.

"I thought you couldn't make it," Edward asked.

Mike raised a brow at the odd tone in Edward's voice, "Change of plans."

I could only see things going downhill from here, "Hey Mike, how about we have desert outside," I asked, "If you all don't mind?"

"It's ok," Alice smiled, "Go spend some time with him."

I tugged Mike to the kitchen where the brownies were. We grabbed a couple before heading out to the back patio. Our conversation was small, but pleasant as we munched on our chocolate delights.

"Delicious," he complimented, "it's the best brownie I've ever had."

"You know you don't have to flatter me," I rolled my eyes, "If you want a kiss you can just take it."

"I'm serious," he chuckled, "But I will take you up on that offer."

He placed his brownie beside him and instead occupied his hands with holding my face. I closed my eyes and anticipated the feel of his lips. In a few seconds they were on mine, chocolaty and warm as they held on. I left my brownie on its plate and snuck my fingers along his toned stomach, underneath his shirt. I could feel the muscles quiver as I held onto his sides. I moved my lips from his mouth and down his neck. It was as I reached his collar bone that he stopped me.

"We-we're in the back of your house," he mumbled.

I ignored him and continued the nipping down his skin.

"Bella," his voice was strained, "Uh…"

"Relax," I pulled at his lips before moving myself to fit on his lap.

Mike returned his lips to mine, pressing pecks to my lips, then chin, then neck. I sighed unsteadily, "That feels good."

His hands rubbed at my sides, sneaking up and then crawling back down. My thoughts were being elaborately destroyed.

"I don't want anyone to catch us," he told me.

I sighed and stopped my attack on his face, "Ok. Ok, fine. Next time you're mine."

He laughed before gently placing me beside him, "Next time. But for now we can just talk."

"What do you want to talk about," I linked my fingers through his.

He rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand, "I realized today that I know nothing of your past life."

My breath caught in my throat, "My past?"

"Yah, I mean, you know about my small town life before," he smiled, "but I've never heard anything about you pre-Hollywood."

I always used to get angry when I talked with people, and they stared everywhere else besides my face as if trying to find the meaning of life from the gum on the bottom of their shoe. But now as Mike was asking me about life in Forks I found myself staring at the thread on the hem of my shirt.

"Is your shirt trying to send you a message," Mike joked as he pulled my hand back from the hem, "Come on. Why are you avoiding it? Did you used to be an ogre something?"

"Nothing like that," I forced a small laugh, "no, I just don't like talking about it."

He sighed, "I feel like I know nothing about you."

"You know my favorite color don't you?"

He gave me a look, "You know what I mean."

"It's not that important," I avoided, "I mean you didn't know about it before, and we were perfectly fine."

"That's not the point," Mike said, "you're my girlfriend and I don't know where you spent most of your childhood."

"There are some things I don't want to think about it, ok." I said a little sharply as I pulled my hand from his.

"I don't even know where you were born or if you're half Spanish or Italian or something," he pressed, "I don't know your parents names or if you have aunts or uncles or cousins. It bothers me."

I wiped at my eyes quickly, "I really can't talk about it Mike. It's nothing to bad or anything I promise. Please don't force me to."

"Oh Bella," he sighed and pressed a kiss to my wet cheeks, "Gah, I feel like a jerk. I'm sorry, I just…I really, really care for you. Enough to creep you out."

I laughed through my tears and spoke the truth, "I really care for you too, Mike."

He sighed once more, "I should probably get going. It's late and I have another meeting in the morning. We're seeing if we're going to sign on this new book series about a vampire falling in love with a human. I can't even remember the name. Something like cracking sun or something to do with the sky,"

I sniffled, "I won't keep you then."

"Are you ok," he asked, "I'm really sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry," I told him as we stood, "I'll um, wait for your call."

"What, no kiss goodbye?" Mike wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into him gently, "Please stop crying, angel," he whispered against my lips.

"It's not you," I whispered back, "I promise I'll fix this. I'm getting better."

"There's nothing to fix," he brushed a stray hair behind my ear, "I'm not going to push you."

"Ok," I nodded. Mike pressed his lips to my more firmly before drawing back,

"Goodnight,"

"Night," I said as he rounded the corner and down the side of the house.

I waited until I heard his engine buzz down the street to tuck my head between my knees and let out a scream. Why was it that every time something was going well for me my past had to go and screw it up? I couldn't remember a moment when I had been truly happy for long enough to enjoy it. I was always worrying about Renee or grieving over Charlie's death or missing Jacob. Every day was constant drama and a gush of tears. Every time I had a semblance of joy or at least peace, some reminder would come and bite me in my ass and remind me that I wasn't full. It was so infuriating to know that this was how it would always be. I could almost picture the emotion of grief as an actual entity, looming over me and cackling as it made my life hell. I had come to terms with the fact that I would always miss my family, but I could never come to terms that I couldn't be even satisfied. Why was it that everyone could get over or at least live with their grief, but I was reduced to a sniveling idiot at my boyfriend asking about my parents names? And with a hint of what I'll call irony, I realized that right now I definitely wasn't happy.

I am not happy; the words rang through my ears.

But I am angry.

Unsure of what to do with myself I stood up and began pacing. The poor brownies I'd made suffered my wrath as I kicked them out of the way. I knocked over the pool chairs, and tables as I ranted. It seemed that being angry was almost too easy.

I chucked my plate in the sink. The loud crash signaled that the plate had in fact shattered. Sickly satisfied with the sound I threw the cup in the sink as well.

"What the hell is wrong with you," Jacob stopped me from picking up a second glass.

"I-I just," I froze, the anger starting to flow away.

"You're not crazy," Jacob removed the glass from me, "So don't act like it."

I stopped as a cool breeze blew over me. Almost as if he was there again stilling my hands, I released the planter in my hands and snapped back into reality at the sound of the large pot crashing at my feet.

"Bella!" Emmett slammed open the back door in his rush to get outside. Everyone else flowed outside behind him. I was happy to see that Victoria was not in the bunch.

"What happened," Rosalie appeared behind him a knife ready in her hand. She caught sight of the yard, "Would someone please explain to me why it looks like Michael Oher went on a rampage through the backyard?"

"Are you ok," Jasper came beside me, "Bella?"

I closed my eyes a focused on every feeling that was bubbling inside of me; frustration, anger, confusion, depression. The pressure that had been stored in so long was now finally making me a madwoman. As my chest rose up and down and my breaths continued in puffs, I realized one of my feelings was want, or rather a need to speak. I just never expected the words I would say next to be the ones I would say,

"I was born in Forks, Washington on September 13, 1987," I blurted.

Rosalie placed a hand on her hips, "Congratulations."

Jasper pushed her and gave her a glare, "Bella, are you sure you're ok?"

"I was born to Renee Higginbotham and Charlie Swan," I continued almost automatically, "Renee wasn't happy in Forks so she took me and we moved to Phoenix. I was six by the time she married Phil Dwyer who plays in the minor leagues. I was nine years old when Renee found the bump. It was the early in the morning, and she was sobbing, so I went to go and check on her. And I remember I saw it on her chest, a large, green and blue bruise. And I thought everything would be ok. That she'd just fallen and it would heal in a few weeks. She never told me about the cancer for three years. I'd be by friends' houses or Phil and I would have father daughter camping while she was doing chemotherapy. And I don't know how I missed all the signs. I think somehow I knew, but wanted to believe the lies she was feeding me. That she was trying out a new weight loss pill, or she liked her hair shorter, or she was just stressed from work, and that's why she could never go out with me.

I think she assumed it would stay in remission, and didn't want me to worry. But it didn't, and one month after I turned twelve I was told to expect her death. After I learned of the cancer I spent every moment I could with Renee. It also turns out that Charlie had come down to see her as well as care for me when she passed since Phil wasn't legally my father. I even stayed at his apartment a few times. On November 22,"

I paused as my throat threatened to constrict. I swallowed the feeling and rushed to continue, I wanted this out now and nothing was going to stop me,

"On November 22, Renee died," I stopped completely, and tipped my head up towards the night sky as if looking at the moon would stop the onset of tears. I let out a dark chuckle at the thought, as if, "Wow, this is really hard."

"No one is forcing you Bella," Alice said, "You can stop if you want."

I shook my insistently, "I need to do this."

She nodded and sat down along with the others. I didn't sit down with them. I had a feeling that if I did I wouldn't be able to refrain from curling into a ball.

"Yah so Renee died," I continued, "And I went to live with Charlie. You could imagine how awkward this situation could be. I mean I barely knew the man and I was now living with him. But despite that we managed to get really close in the short time I was there. I think it was the common grief we felt. I didn't know it, but Charlie still loved Renee more than I think Phil even loved her. And I could see the grief and stress was taking its toll on him. I came home,"

My mind blanked for a moment again, like my body was putting up defense against the grief and pain. I pressed the heel of my hands to my eyes. I forced the words out, "I came home on February 17th and he was dead in his chair," I said. It came out harsh and unfeeling. I hated it, but it was necessary if I ever wanted them to know, "It turns out that Charlie had some heart problems and coupled with his constant drinking, he went into cardiac arrest."

I heard a sob in front of me, but didn't need to open my eyes to know that it was Alice.

"And then there was Jacob," I couldn't stop myself from smiling at his name. Even through tears, the semblance of happiness that he'd brought me was brought into memory, "My sweet Jacob…he came to the rescue at Charlie's funeral and from there we became friends. And then we became more than friends, and dated for about three years. I thought I was in love with him, and I knew he was in love with me, and he was the only person who had made it seem like I didn't have to be in pain all the time. And he loved me, every broken piece, and tried to put me together again."

My nails dug into my palm, egging me on. I have to say it, "October 23rd I got the call that Jacob had died in a cliff diving accident. And t-that," I held in the cry, "That broke me."

Even though my eyes remained shut, the saline liquid still managed to make its way past my lids and down my already damp cheeks. Arms I didn't recognize wrapped around me and pulled me close to their body. I soon recognize the feel of the curves and knew that it was Rosalie who had pulled me in. Hands shaking, I placed them around her, and held on. If I thought this was enough to shock me, I was wrong. I realized that I wasn't sobbing. Only a few tears were running down my face, and I was still able to breathe. Four other pairs of arms wrapped around me, encasing me in their firm grip. For the first time, I felt just how much they loved me.

"Man," Jasper sniffled as we pulled apart, "We're a depressing bunch."

I let out a short laugh as I glanced around. I hadn't realized it, but everyone was crying.

Emmett coughed, "Psh, I'm not crying."

"Ugh, don't even try Emmett," Rosalie slapped him upside the head, "We both know that you eyes only get that red when you're crying or smoking weed. So which one was it?"

"Ok, I was crying," Emmett backtracked.

"Where's Victoria?" I asked. Secretly, I was glad that she had left before my little meltdown. I wouldn't be able to face her had she seen that.

"She left a while ago," Alice did nothing to hide the smile on her face, "What about Mike?"

"Meeting in the morning," I answered before sighing, "I'll go get a broom. I'm sorry about your planter Edward."

"Nah, it's fine, I tip the gardener extra tomorrow," his voice was a bit rougher than usual from the crying, "It was cracking anyways."

"Your toe is bleeding," Emmett told me. I looked down to see the bloodied and bruised big toe. That was attractive.

"I'm starting to think you hurt yourself on purpose," Jasper joked, "Because there's no way someone can hurt themselves this much."

I stuck out my tongue, "What can I say, it's a talent I have."

"Well save that talent," Rosalie said, "for the show tomorrow, or rather today seeing as it is 12am now. Em, let's head home. Thanks for dinner Bella. Night y'all,"

"Night you guys," I said, "Emmett your extras are on the counter."

"Love you Bella!" Emmett cheered, "So does Rosie!"

"Emmett shut up," Rosalie muttered as she tugged him out of the house.

"I think that's cue for us to head on out too," Jasper said.

"Aw, Jazz," Alice stomped her foot, "I want to stay with Bella."

"Um, hello," Edward said.

"Ugh, I've known you for almost 19 years I've had enough time with you," she waved him off.

"Ally, I have to sleep. Maybe you can plan something for us all to do together another day?" Jasper suggested, "I'll be out in the car, night Bella and Edward!"

"Fine," Alice pouted as Jasper walked away. She exchanged a hug with Edward and then me, "Goodnight Bella."

"Hello?" Edward raised his hands in disbelief.

"Nineteen years," she sang as she skipped away.

And then it was us two alone.

"It's official," Edward sat on the patio step, "My family loves you more than they love me."

"Um, Edward-" I started.

"No I'm serious, no objections," he continued, "They absolutely adore you."

"Edward," I tried again.

"I'm scared to let you meet my parents. They'll just eat you up,"

"Edward,"

"What?" he looked up.

"You're sitting on a brownie," I laughed.

Edward got up and tried to look at his behind. I had no problem looking for him.

"Ugh," he groaned, "Really?"

"I tried to warn you," I told him.

"I know," Edward nodded.

"You should have listened to me," I added.

He squinted his eyes at me, and I couldn't help but smile at the replay of this scenario, "I know."

I grinned evilly, "You look like you crapped yourself."

"You love pushing it don't you?" Edward glared before peeling the brownie off of the back of his pants. Before I could duck, the brownie met the middle of my forehead with an audible smack.

"Did you just throw your ass-brownie at me?"

"Yes," Edward replied smugly, "I believe I did."

"You're going to pay." I picked up the brownie and ran after him.

He made his way around the chairs I'd dashed over as I chased him with smashed chocolate. It was as we rounded the pool that I got an idea.

Edward stopped a few feet away from its edge, hands in surrender as I stood in front of him.

"Alright," he laughed, "alright. I'm sorry."

"Edward," I smiled.

"What?" a look of worry crossed his face.

"Do you remember what happened the last time we did this?" I asked him.

"We almost kiss-"

"Oh gah, no not that," my face began to heat. I almost reconsidered this. But it was too priceless to pass up, "What else?"

"Well, you were chasing me. And then we went into the maze…and then," he realized, "Oh no."

"Oh yes," I grinned wickedly and ran forward.

My original plan had been to just push him in the water. But the second my hands connected to his chest, his hands wound around my arms and held me prisoner as we toppled over. Our bodies met the water with a clap, and I was soon submerged in the icy pool.

I gasped for breath as I emerged, my hair completely out of its bun, "Edward!"

I looked around only to be met with the dark pool water. Wasn't this supposed to have lights or something, "Edward?"

My heart began to race right as a hand locked around my ankle and dragged me under. I screamed as Edward tugged me. Once under the water I could hardly see around me. Finally, I saw a flash of pale skin.

Grabbing blindly, I fisted his shirt and yanked him up with me by the edge of the pool, "You ass! I just told you about my drowning best friend and you disappear under water?"

"Crap," he muttered, "I was just playing Bella, really, I'm sorry-"

As I took in his mortified expression and dripping wet hair I couldn't stop myself from busting out laughing. This was it. I had really gone crazy. From annoyed with Victoria, to pissed at Mike, to depressed, to pissed with myself, to depressed again with everyone else, and now hysteria? Was this some sort of joke my hormones were playing on me?

"It's ok," I laughed, "really."

"Um, Bella," Edward said.

"Mhmm," I murmured, trying to catch my breathing.

"You're still holding onto my shirt," he chuckled.

"Oh," I released the fabric and winced at the fact that I had popped out the buttons. I also couldn't stop looking at his creamy chest glimmering in the water. "Sorry about that."

"It's ok," he said. "Thanks."

"For ripping your shirt?" I quirked a brow.

"No," he rolled his eyes, "Thank you for opening up tonight, about your family and Jacob."

It took me a moment before I could say, "I needed to. It's time I really start moving on. For real this time,"

"We're all here for you," Edward pressed a wet kiss to my forehead. I pulled away afterwards to ensure nothing else would happen. The look in his eyes showed me that he understood, "We should probably get some rest, it's a big day tomorrow."

"Yah," I agreed as I heaved myself out of the pool and schlepped over to the pool house to grab a towel. After we'd toweled off we went inside and prepared to go separate ways; well, as separate as across the hall could be, "Goodnight Edward."

"Night Bells," he yawned, just as he shut the door. I remained standing there, watching his door like a stalker idiot, unable to move. And it wasn't so much the fact that Edward was behind it rather than the fact that I was just thinking. I smiled automatically as I turned around and headed for my shower. Today, like other days, was a definite surprise. I didn't completely kill Victoria, Mike and I had our first fight, and I had shared my entire (general) past with the Cullens. I shook my head to myself. Like I had said other days, but couldn't agree with more, the Cullens never ceased to amaze me.

...

"I forgot the words," I panicked to Emmett, "How does the song go again?"

He tapped my face gently, "Don't even joke, Bella. We're on in five minutes."

"I'm not joking," I gasped, "How does it start?"

"Bella," Jasper rolled his eyes, "Would you relax? You're going to be fine. You've done this before."

"Not in front of thousands of people," I gulped, "Hundreds, but not thousands."

"You want this," he reminded me, "and you're very talented. I mean what is there to be worried about?"

"Choking and making a complete fool out of myself on national television and being forever known as the girl who threw up in the middle of the Earth Day concert because of stage fright," I told him.

"Um, except that," Jasper tried.

"Nothing?" I guessed.

"Atta girl," he smiled and left.

"Great pep talker isn't he," Alice chuckled as she sat down next to me. She handed me room temperature water, "Sorry I couldn't get you a cold one. Don't want the voice cracking."

"Thanks," I gulped a few mouthfuls, "Where's Edward?"

"Talking to a babysitter," she rolled her eyes, "He can't leave that child alone for one second without knowing everything he's doing. It's really horrible."

"He just cares," I said. "Oh no, I hear clapping."

"That's you're cue to go stand at stage right," Alice prompted as she took away my water bottle, "good luck love."

I pressed a kiss to her cheek, "Thanks Ally."

"Put your hands together for, Hour Glass Shot performing 'Do you Feel' by The Rocket Summer,"

"Edward," I tugged on his arm, "we're on."

"Bye Denny, love you," he said as he handed the phone to Alice.

"Guys, give me the count," Emmett spoke into the ear piece.

I glanced at Edward who gave me a nod. I suddenly felt something that was possibly the biggest inconvenience anyone could have when going on the stage. No, no, no, no, no,

"Edward,"

"Not now Bella we have to go,"

God please,

"Ok,"

I spoke into the bud, as he began to run out on stage, "1, 2, 3,"

"I'm thinking about other things, I heard about today," Edward began, as the throng of girls screamed and reached up to the stage wanting to touch him. I couldn't blame them, "All this week and tomorrow,

And how these hands can create some better things for bettering, but you see for now I got my own things,"

I ran out, glad that we had practiced this or else I would have been winded by the distance of the stage. I was surprised by the cheers I got. I mean how much did people even know about me to like me?

As Edward and I crossed each other we played into the interaction and held each other's gaze. For the moment I got lost, and it felt like I was back in the band room practicing with just the guys. But I had to snap back as we were going into the break.

Can you feel the souls behind,
What's going on?

Being on the stage was a temporary high that was unexplainable. It was almost as if the cheering and fans served as a drug. My adrenaline was rushing as we jumped and jigged and moved around. I couldn't call my movement dancing seeing as it was more running and touching fans hands, but that was what I'd been instructed to do by the stage coaches. It didn't matter, less thinking for me. And I was enjoying every second of it.

"Thank you L.A!" I said as the crowd cheered and we made our way off of the stage.

I ripped off the microphone as soon as I made my way off of the stage and ran around the corner to my destination. Once inside, I slammed the door, yanked down my pants and relieved myself. As I walked back into our group dressing room I received a collection of stares.

"Where did you go," Alice asked.

"I had to pee so badly," I sighed as I sat down.

Edward laughed, "Is that what you were trying to tell me this entire time?"

"That was horrible," I groaned, "I kept thinking about pissing myself. Alice, please never again give me water before we go on."

"Will do," she chuckled, "Now, get yourself freshened up because you have Earth day paraphernalia to sign."

There was a collective groan amongst the other band members,

"What's wrong with signing things," I yawned.

"Bella," Edward lazily rolled his head to face me, "Didn't you just see how many people were out there? We're going to be out there for hours."

My eyes widened, "Hours?"

"You're going to hate your name," Jasper chuckled.

"I hope this is all worth it," I muttered as my eyes began to close.

Edward smiled at me, "Eventually, it is."

Thanks for reading!

~Christie Hart