Chapter 21 – I Despise Him

Something was bugging him, enough so that it had woken him up.

There was a buzzing sound and it was shortly followed by a loud, obnoxious song. So early in the morning, it made his ears hurt and his head bang. It wasn't necessary to have a ringtone so loud-

Ringtone.

And if he was not mistaken (it sure as hell was not his own ringtone), then it was Sakura's phone that was ringing. Somehow it wasn't loud enough to wake her and he could tell it was about to stop ringing.

Reaching out, Itachi took the phone from the bedside table and without looking at the caller ID, he answered it. "Haruno Sakura's phone."

"O-Oh…" The woman on the other end sounded flustered. Most likely because he was still half asleep and it was clear he'd spent the night in Sakura's bed. Not a lot of people were aware of him living there. "Forgive me for… interrupting. I–"

There would be none of that. It seemed she was trying to get gossip. "You are not interrupting anything other than my sleep. May I ask who is speaking?"

"Y-Yes, this is one of the shift managers at Yamanaka Flower Shop," she stammered. Ah, that was the reason why she wouldn't know he was living at Sakura's place. "It seems one of our employees hasn't come in today and we have a large order to complete before tonight. Do you know if Haruno-san can come in today? Of course, she will be paid double for the extra hours."

Double pay. Opening one of his eyes, Itachi stole a glance at his slumbering girlfriend. For once she was sleeping through the entire night without jolting awake or waking up at the slightest of sounds. It wouldn't be fair to wake her up just yet. Not to mention she still hadn't officially returned to work yet. "What time?"

"As soon as possible, really," was the reply. "Yamanaka-san's daughter, Ino-san, will be coming in at some point to help, too."

He sighed. It would be best if Sakura went in, wouldn't it? If he failed to share the news, then chances were she would be angry with him for it, especially if they really needed the extra help.

"Just one moment." Pulling the phone away from his mouth and ear, he reached out and gently shook her. "Sakura." When that failed to work, Itachi placed the phone on the bedside table and shifted over her, leaning down and softly kissing her lips. "Sakura."

There was a quiet moan before hands were lazily gripping hold of his arms. "What?"

Still half asleep. Again, Itachi felt awful for having to wake her up. "Work is on the phone for you."

Green eyes snapped open and as soon as Sakura held out her hand, Itachi was grabbing and handing her the phone.

"Haruno Sakura speaking." There was a pause as she listened to the woman on the other line. "No, no that's not a problem at all. No, I'll be fine – everything is healed now." Another pause. "Don't worry about it!" Sakura suddenly giggled and looked up at her boyfriend. "Don't worry about him, either. He's just tired."

Hn. Closing his eyes once more, Itachi rested his head on her chest, breathing deeply.

"What time is it now… Is lunchtime okay?" asked Sakura, her hand coming up to run through his hair. "Oh, so around the same time as Ino-Pig, then. We'll get it done for you in no time, don't worry about it!" Smiling, she then finished the conversation with a cheerful, "Okay, see you then and try to relax, Ayano-san! Stress isn't good for the little one!"

The cheerfulness left her as she hung up the phone and simply stared at it.

"Well… I guess I had to go back at some point, right?"

Her voice was so quiet, yet so accepting and when Itachi leaned up to get a better look at her, he saw her expression was no different. Just… accepting. "Can you handle it, Sakura?"

He wanted to believe that she could. Itachi wanted to believe that her stubborn and proud personality would not allow the vile thugs who had attacked her to win, to make her feel too scared of returning to work.

"I have to," she replied and gave him a small smile, finally focusing on his features instead of her phone. "They need all the help they can get, apparently. Ino's going to be there, too."

That would be why she was going in at the same time, so that Ino would be there to help her. The blonde would have already experienced the fear of returning to work after the attack. She would be able to stand by Sakura's side.

"At least it's my birthday tomorrow." She sounded genuinely more cheerful now, much to his happiness. "Meaning you," She poked his chest and looked more shy, "have a promise to keep."

"I suppose I do."

He smiled, though at that moment in time, sex was far from his mind. He was more concerned with Sakura and whether or not he would need to comfort her when she returned from work. What would it do to her?

Physically, his deceivingly petite girlfriend was a lot stronger than anyone would ever expect her to be. With her it was best to expect the unexpected, as Kakashi had once told him. And so far into their relationship, it was the best piece of advice Itachi had received – again, so far. However, emotionally and perhaps even mentally, Sakura was not strong. She needed support in that area, to lend someone else's strength.

Itachi liked to believe that he was strong enough for the both of them, but sometimes, he had his doubts. His own mental health was not at its best, what with his post-traumatic stress disorder and obvious (and understandable, Sakura always told him) troubles after being a part of ANBU for so long.

Glancing one last time down at her phone, she breathed deeply and not for the first time, Itachi wondered what she was thinking about, aside from the obvious.

"I'm kind of… nervous."

"It is understandable," he tried to soothe her without babying her, but it felt impossible. "You haven't returned to work since the attack."

"Not about that!" A blush swept across her cheeks and green eyes drifted towards the ceiling as Sakura bit her lip. It was a beautiful sight to him, as always. "I mean… about your promise. I'm nervous about it."

Oh.

Oh.

Again, it was understandable, especially if it was for the reason Itachi thought it to be. "Why?"

Her eyes stayed away from his. "You're more experienced than I am," she murmured quietly. "And you said you've been with quite a few women…"

When the sentence trailed off, he held back a sigh. It was for the reason Itachi had thought it to be: his past flings. Yes, he said flings and not relationships, because before now, he had never been in a relationship. He had never felt so emotionally connected to a person like he did Sakura.

The pull he felt whenever he saw, thought or heard about her was impossible to ignore. It was like every fibre in his entire being ached for her. To hold her, to cherish her, to protect her. Anything Sakura needed, anything she wanted, Itachi would give to her one way or another. If she wanted a friend, he would be her friend. If she needed a comforter or a confider, he would be that person for her. If Sakura wanted a protector, he would be her protector and would protect her with his life. If she wanted him to be her lover, then he would be that lover and give her every part of himself without holding back.

"You have nothing to worry about, Sakura," replied Itachi honestly. "Those women are all in the past."

"I know they are!" she argued with a pout. "I'm just saying that…" Another sigh. "I… won't know what… You know."

Oh, Itachi knew exactly what Sakura was hinting at. "You're worried you won't be able to please me."

The blush that raged on her cheeks made the others seem like nothing. "…Yeah."

"Don't worry about something such as that." He gave her a small smile. "Being with you in such a way will be more than enough, Sakura." Gently, his hand came up to her face, soon running through her hair. "We will both be learning more about each other, for I have just as much to learn about you, as you do with me."

"I guess…"

Cradling the back of her head, Itachi leaned forward and brushed his lips to her forehead, shutting his eyes. "They are my past, Sakura, but you are my present and my future."

If he had his way, the future wouldn't just be a maybe. It would be for definite. He would set it in stone, right at this moment in time, that Sakura would forever remain by his side. However, he was very well aware that over time, many things changed – including feelings. There was every chance they could fall out of love, even though it seemed impossible for him not to be in love with Haruno Sakura.

"Thank you," she replied quietly and finally relaxed in his tender hold. Then, clearly trying to change the subject and hopefully lighten the mood, she smiled and asked, "Any plans for today, then?"

"I am supposed to be meeting Sasuke and Shisui."

It had been a while since he last spent time with them both and Itachi would be lying if he said he never thought of the two from time to time. How was his little brother coping with their parents' unbearable ways? How was Shisui managing with his case? Was he resting enough? It most likely always seemed that Itachi couldn't care less, but truth was: he always cared for his precious people. He wanted to know they were safe and healthy and happy.

Sakura smiled more warmly at his answer. "Tell them both I said 'hi', won't you? Oh, and tell Sasuke-kun that he'd better get his ass over here at some point! It feels like it's been forever since he was last here."

Indeed, it had. That was one of the things Itachi was going to question him about. His lack of presence around the apartment. Why the sudden distance? Was it because both Sakura and Naruto were now in relationships? Was Sasuke in a relationship? If so, then with who? And did that person, whatever gender they were, make him happy? At the end of the day, that was all that mattered to Itachi in regards to Sasuke. His little brother's happiness. No matter what personal choices he chose, or what his sexuality was, Itachi would always accept him. Whereas their father…

No, such thoughts were not necessary.

"Of course. Would you like for me to meet you after your shift?"

The reminder of her shift had Sakura growing more still and tense, but she still nodded.

And Itachi accepted her choice. Why? Because of the determination in her eyes. Sakura was determined to overcome her fear of returning to the place where she was attacked by confronting it head on. Sometimes, while not always advised, it was necessary to plunge straight into things because otherwise, it would always be put off.

"Go and get ready," he ordered softly. "I will make you breakfast and walk you to work."

"You don't have to-"

"I want to."

She smiled brightly.

The walk was peaceful and enjoyable, Itachi thought to himself as he walked away from the flower store.

He'd just walked Sakura to the door, but just when he'd been about to enter with her, she had turned and smiled at him, thanking Itachi for his help. However, she'd then gone on to say, this was something she needed to do by herself, for herself.

Itachi smiled inwardly.

Not breaking stride as his phone began to ring, Itachi reached into his pocket and lifted it to his ear, answering it swiftly with a, "Uchiha Itachi speaking."

"Start checking your caller I.D, Nii-san," said an irritable voice. "Obviously I'm going to know it's you who's speaking."

Wrong. For instance, he could be taken ill, or worse, in hospital and rendered unable to answer his own phone. Or Sakura could answer it for him one day if he was too busy, or simply asked her to if it was not work calling.

"How are you, Sasuke?" Itachi asked, ignoring his comment.

There was a sigh on the other end. "I'm fine."

"And Mother?"

Another pause and during it, he came to a stop at the traffic lights, waiting until it was safe to cross before he did so.

"Things… aren't too great between them."

By 'them', Itachi knew his younger brother was referring to their mother and father. He sighed. It was much too crowded to discuss personal matters such as those, for there was no telling how many eavesdroppers were hanging around, waiting for the next juicy piece of gossip. However, Itachi also knew that Sasuke would not feel entirely comfortable discussing the issue in front of Shisui. This was quite possibly the only opportunity they would have to talk about it.

"Why?"

He would rather die a thousand deaths than let his younger brother feel burdened by anything. Sasuke… Itachi had always wanted him to live the life he never got to live at that age. Carefree and happy. Not even their parents would stand in the way of Sasuke's happiness – Itachi would make sure of it.

"They're always arguing nowadays," murmured Sasuke. Anybody else would have presumed that he was sulking, but Itachi knew that he was not. Sasuke was struggling to find the right words to say and hoping that, by keeping his voice low and mumbled, that any mistakes he made would be unheard. "They try to hide it from me, but…" Sasuke sighed. "I saw Father leaving the guest room this morning."

That bad? Never, in his twenty-three years of life, had Itachi ever seen or heard of his mother kicking his father out of their shared bedroom. They argued every now and then like all ordinary couples did, but never before had Mikoto ever forced him to sleep anywhere other than their bed. She was never that angry with him. He must have done something awful. What a pity.

"Do you know what the cause is?"

By saying as less as possible, or by playing around with his words, he knew he would be able to keep his parents' spat away from eager ears. The road he was walking down was busy, bustling with life and people who were rushing around on their lunch hour, desperate to get everything done before they had to return to work. As for himself, he was on his way to Shisui's apartment, where he would be meeting both his cousin and younger brother. Then they would be doing something Itachi had never really seen himself doing…

Shopping.

Since it was Sakura's birthday tomorrow, and he had only been paid yesterday, he had yet to find his girlfriend a gift. Of course having no money didn't necessarily mean he couldn't window shop, but Itachi disliked the thought of setting his hopes onto something that would be a great gift, only to have it disappear the next day.

"…You."

That didn't surprise Itachi. Whilst his mother had been rather laid back about the disowning, it didn't mean she would stand for it. Eventually it would make her snap and it seemed that time was now. For a while, she would think it over again and again, until she'd been over the scenario several times and made sure she understood every perspective. Apparently she was now siding with her eldest son.

"She wants you to come home, Nii-san," Sasuke mumbled on the other end. "Mother hasn't been herself lately and I can tell she misses you."

Don't get him wrong, because Itachi did love his mother, however, he was happy where he was for the time being. It finally felt as though he was a part of a real family – one that was supportive, understanding and caring. They all looked out for each other there, whereas it was the exact opposite with his own parents. He was happier – much happier – living with Sakura and her family. That was his home now.

"Perhaps you should stay with us for a while, Sasuke," offered Itachi. He was grateful to see Shisui's apartment building come into view, meaning it would only take him a few more minutes to get there. It was still quite chilly out. "Or until you feel ready to go back home."

There was another sigh. "You know Father won't allow it, especially on a school night."

"Then allow me to speak with him."

"I don't want any arguments-"

It was a rare occurrence for Itachi to lose his patience, but he was slowly beginning to. "You are not happy at home, Sasuke. I will not accept my younger brother being made to feel uncomfortable in his own home and by his own parents, no less. I am the reason behind their arguing, therefore it is my duty to speak personally with Father."

The words were not untrue. Had he not been so selfish and done what he had, then their parents wouldn't be so unhappy. Sasuke would not be so unhappy.

That was the only thing that made him regret his decision to follow his heart, instead of his head.

"…Thank you, Nii-san."

He smiled at the genuine gratitude he could hear in his brother's voice. "I am at Shisui's now," Itachi informed Sasuke while pushing the button that would tell his cousin of his arrival. "Will you be long?"

"I should be about half an hour."

Shisui buzzed him through mere seconds later and since he knew his way around the building, he didn't bother to meet Itachi. "I will see you then, Sasuke."

"Yeah."

The line went dead.

As always, his brother was unable to end a conversation properly. Itachi sighed and entered the elevator. Something that aggravated him: Sasuke's lack of manners, or etiquette. It was impolite to end a conversation in such a way, especially over the phone!

It didn't take long to reach Shisui's apartment and since Itachi had his own key, he let himself in and nodded once to his cousin, who already had tea waiting for him at the table. He accepted it gratefully, murmuring his thanks to Shisui, before taking a sip. It was the one of the best ways to warm up after being out in the spring chill.

"How are things, Itachi?" Shisui asked conversationally as they sat down at the table.

"Sakura returned to work today," was his reply. Slowly, while gazing at the cup, he lowered it back to the table. "I don't know how to feel about it. Not fully."

There was a soft smirk on the older Uchiha's lips. "You've always been closed off emotionally – not even I have made it all the way through, yet." He dipped his head forward, trying to get a better look at Itachi's features. "You're worried about how she will deal with the return."

He nodded once.

Shisui sighed and frowned. "I'm not going to say you shouldn't worry about it, because neither of us are able to see into the future, as far as I'm aware of, anyway. For all we know, Sakura-san could be suffering every second she's there." Itachi sent him a blank look, one that was fractionally giving way to annoyance. "Or," He smirked, "she could be enjoying her return. She could be grateful for being kept busy, or for having so much help trying to overcome her fear of returning to work." Raising a brow, Shisui then added, "But that's not all that's on your mind, is it, little cousin?"

Little cousin – that was something Itachi hadn't heard in a while. Growing up, Shisui had enjoyed teasing him often with that nickname, though over time, it grew a more affectionate tone to it rather than a teasing one. After all, he wasn't exactly 'little' anymore, was he? And Itachi wasn't going to lie, there were many of times when he'd called Shisui his older brother, because that was what he saw him as.

Shisui had always been there for him, right up until Itachi began shutting him out. That was around the time he unwillingly joined ANBU. Not having his cousin there to lend him advice, or to simply listen to his problems, had almost been suffocating. The weight of all his burdens, of his pain and loneliness, had been crushing. It had been killing Itachi.

"It wasn't my own choice."

Once more, Shisui was frowning, pausing in taking a sip of his tea. "Huh?"

"To join ANBU," sighed Itachi and he looked back up at Shisui. "It was not my choice."

"You mean… Fugaku-san forced you to join?" His dark eyes went wide, before narrowing with a dark hatred and anger. "You were just a kid back then! How the hell could he do something so careless and hateful?"

He couldn't answer. The words were stuck in his throat. That was one of the unfortunate effects of being in ANBU – not having his best friend and cousin there to listen to him pretty much made Itachi a mute. Not completely, but when it came to his problems. He learned and adapted to suffering alone and in silence, bottling everything up until he was alone and able to let it out. He found new ways to cope. Now… Now, when he wanted to tell Shisui everything, Itachi found himself struggling.

But thankfully, his cousin seemed to sense his internal battle. The anger vanished and was replaced by a saddened expression. "Tell me when you're ready, little cousin." The words were comforting to Itachi, allowing him to relax in his seat once more. "Don't force yourself."

"I've… taken the lives of hundreds of people, Shisui," he whispered. "And I see their faces every day." The hold on his cup tightened and Itachi gritted his teeth, willing himself to open up. "I remember everything I have done for the sake of Konoha, for the sake of my family and I despise my father for putting me through that. I despise him for making me a murderer!"

It was a long overdue conversation, one that Shisui had been nagging him for, for so long now. And Itachi was so grateful that his cousin did not interrupt him or judge him. Instead he sat opposite him, listening intently and patiently, even when the details grew gory and disgusting, even when he heard of all the vile things Itachi had done while an active member of ANBU.

And by the time Sasuke arrived, Itachi felt as though he'd lost a humongous weight that had been resting heavily on his shoulders. No, his burdens had not suddenly disappeared, but they were no longer just his. Just like when they were children, Shisui allowed him to rest against him and use him for support, to help him through his toughest times.

So Itachi couldn't help but lean back in his seat and breathe deeply, revelling in the new found weightlessness.

Silently and patiently, Itachi waited as Sakura left the back room of the flower shop, zipping up her jacket as she walked towards him. Behind her was Yamanaka Ino. Even though the blonde still seemed vaguely annoyed with him for reasons Itachi didn't even want to understand, she smiled at him and greeted him. Probably for Sakura's sake.

"How was your day?" asked Itachi once his girlfriend had reached him. Lifting his hand, he brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

"Tough," Sakura admitted and took his hand before it could lower to his side. "But… I'm glad I got it out of the way. It was good to be working with everyone again, doing something I enjoy."

The Uchiha smiled softly.

Turning to glance over her shoulder, Sakura smiled and said her goodbyes to the other workers, who would be locking up. Due to it being her first day back, they weren't making her stay right until closing, just in case it would bring back the memories of the night she was attacked. They felt it would be too soon.

"Kakashi called, by the way," she informed him as they left the shop.

He took her hand in his and when he did, Sakura entwined their fingers. "Oh?"

"Naruto's staying over at your parents' place tonight, apparently." She tilted her head up to look at him and a blush spread across her cheeks. "Which means we have the place to ourselves."

More than likely, she had arranged it to be that way, but Itachi didn't outwardly accuse her and instead brought her closer. "Don't feel like we have to rush into anything, Sakura."

"I'm not," Sakura sighed irritably and puffed out her cheeks, looking up at him with disbelief. "Why is it so hard for you to understand that I want to be with you that way?"

It wasn't hard to understand at all. However, he was aware of the fact that he had to keep Sakura's inexperience in mind. Never before had Itachi taken a woman's virginity – all the women he'd slept with had been experienced, far more than himself, in fact. He didn't want to put too much on her, just in case it all became too much for her.

The thought of being with Sakura in such a way… He wasn't going to lie, it aroused him. A lot. Enough so that Itachi had had to put a strict ban on thinking of such thoughts because it gave an outward reaction.

"Don't misunderstand, Sakura, because there's nothing I want more than to be with you in that way," he replied honestly while keeping his voice lowered. It was to make sure nobody else heard, but Itachi noticed the way Sakura shivered in response, the way her cheeks flushed a beautiful shade of red. His male pride soared. "I simply don't want you to feel like it's something we must do."

"I don't," her voice was firm, as was the look in her eyes.

He knew there would be no changing her mind.

And part of Itachi loved that fact.

"So…"

He smiled at her nervousness and helped Sakura out of her jacket. "Are you hungry?"

She nodded.

It was rare to see Sakura so vulnerable and open – although it probably didn't seem that way to others. Most of the time, she was so strong and independent, refusing to show any signs of weakness. However, she allowed her precious people to see her when she needed help. She opened up to them and asked for their help.

That was why Itachi took his time with making her feel more comfortable. He allowed her to help him prepare their dinner, despite the fact Sakura had been on her feet all day. Really, he'd wanted her to sit down and relax, but she seemed to have other plans. And every so often, Itachi would catch her watching him with a thoughtful expression, one that would soon shift into embarrassment when she realised he caught her.

After dinner they took Pakkun on a short walk, allowing him to relieve himself as well as play ball for a short while.

Now, he was reclined comfortably in their bed, watching an old documentary about clans and wars, while Sakura took a shower. It was quite entertaining and Itachi found himself wondering what life would have been like back then. Would he have fit in well? Would he have despised the violence just as he did now? What would be his part in the clan and would he be able to fulfil it?

It wasn't long before he heard the shower switching off, signalling that Sakura had finished washing. The idea had been hers – something about not feeling very fresh after working all day. If it made her more comfortable, then Itachi didn't mind, but it was so late. And now the hairdryer was on.

His eyes slid over to the direction of the bathroom. Already they'd had several complaints from the neighbours and, according to Kakashi, it would be an unusual week if they didn't receive at least one complaint. That was not something to be proud of, in his eyes. They all had to respect the fact that some families had young children who had school the next day, or they had work early the next morning. It wasn't fair to blast the hairdryer so late at night, or play obnoxiously loud video games well into the early hours of the morning.

It took five minutes before the hairdryer was shut off and only seconds later, his girlfriend was returning to the room wrapped in her fluffy dressing gown. As expected, her hair was down and straight and there was a slight flush to her skin because of the heat from the bathroom, no doubt.

Itachi was silent as she made her way onto the bed, making it dip under her weight as she stretched over him to grab the television remote. His eyes didn't leave her for a second as she hit the mute button, leaving the room half-lit. To make it just that little bit brighter, there were small fairy lights wrapped around the top metal bar of the headboard.

He knew that Sakura could feel his eyes on her, because she took a deep breath before silently and slowly slipping one of her legs over him, placing her small hands on his chest to keep her balance as she straddled him.

The effects of her being so close were immediate, but Itachi forced them back. He wanted nothing more than to grab her and crush Sakura against him. To kiss her and touch her and hold her tightly as he made love to her, but… He knew they could not rush this. Not just because it was her first time, but also because it would be his first time being with a woman that way because he was in love with them, instead of using their bodies to forget about the horrors he'd faced daily.

"Sakura?" No matter how hard he tried, when he spoke, his voice was low and husky.

"It's midnight," she whispered in return.

She was now officially eighteen.

Meaning he had a promise to keep.

A/N - First off: yes, I have changed my username. Second: I'm so sorry for not updating for like a month.

Long story short, I was admitted to hospital a few days after I last updated and last week, I broke up with my boyfriend. Turns out he wasn't the person I thought he was - he didn't even come to see me while I was in hospital, or asked me how I was. He just constantly started arguments, making me feel even shittier about myself, even while I was attached to a drip, a heart monitor and had to have repeated ECG tests (because my heart wasn't beating properly). Not only that, but my blood sugar level dropped to 3.3 - I think it's supposed to be between 4 and 5? Anyway, he was too busy creating ADs on craigslist, looking for other guys to have sex with, as well as messaging another girl, complaining to her about missing his ex and how I wasn't letting him control me enough to please him.

So yeah! I hope everyone else has had a better time than I have these past few weeks. I got all my stuff back from his place today, which was really unpleasant, especially after he got so nasty and mean with me because I said no to getting back together.

Mehhhhh, another frog and whatnot! I'm not the type to say 'oh all guys are the same' because I know they're not. My big brother certainly isn't like that, which I'm so grateful for. The reminder is nice to have every once in a while.

Anyways, I like to think I'm doing better now and even though I miss him and I'm obviously angry and upset about it, I know I can do better.

Plus it means I'm doing soooo much writing, because all I have now is time on my hands. I've been signed off sick from work and I'm only in uni twice a week!