A/NImportant: I want to explain my idea with this chapter, because I know some people are probably going to find it strange. Hermione is a very controlled person in general. Yes, she ended up losing herself to Draco, but she still likes to be in control and will not say anything she doesn't want to reveal. So by making her lose control, I want to make her reveal things she normally wouldn't.

----

XX ; Losing Control

She walked down the stairs raising her eyebrows at the loud chatter from the kitchen. When she entered, everyone was down there, standing around in a kitchen that looked rather different from how she left it. It was decorated colourfully, and the table was packed with cakes and other delicious desserts.

"Wow, what happened here?" Hermione exclaimed, her eyes darting swiftly around the room.

"I thought we could all use one last carefree gathering before a difficult time," Molly explained from her seat by Charlie. "Eat food, have fun, dance."

Hermione grinned at that, and found Ginny and Harry standing by the window together, both of them clutching a Butterbeer.

"What do you know? A party in the Grimmauld household," Hermione greeted, doing a little dance as she came up to them.

"My, aren't we happy." Ginny laughed, giving her a knowing look.

"Do I need a reason to be?"

"Oh, I see right through you, Hermione," the redhead replied, giving her a wink. Hermione replied with a shocked gaze, ignoring the knowing look on her friend's face.

"Right," she said slowly, not quite knowing what to reply at all. She turned around, scanning the room, wondering if Draco had left or if he had been hauled in here by Molly. It seemed that the latter was the right prediction. He was standing on the other end of the kitchen, talking quietly with Remus, gesturing a bit as Remus nodded slowly. Hermione's face broke into a smile as she watched them converse, and suddenly felt a nudge in the ribs.

"Ow," she complained as she turned towards Ginny, who was wiggling her eyebrows wildly.

"Harry, will you get your girlfriend under control?" Hermione whined, and gave Ginny soft punch to the shoulder.

"I've tried that. Doesn't work," he said dryly, taking a sip of his Butterbeer as the girl next to him gave him a menacing stare.

"Why are you nudging me and wiggling your eyebrows anyway?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest in an annoyed gesture.

"Oh, my little darling," Ginny replied, shaking her head. "Cause you had sex, obviously."

"I did no such — what on earth makes you think that?!"

Hermione huffed loudly, tightening her arms over her chest and pursed her lips together in a thin line.

"First of all, Draco is wearing the silliest grin I've seen in my entire lifetime. And second of all… you danced your way over here."

"Well, there's music." Hermione shrugged, narrowing her eyes, trying not to give the game away, even if it seemed lost already.

"You can deny it until your face turns blue, but you can't fool me," Ginny said, patting her shoulder gently.

Hermione sighed heavily, and rolled her eyes at Harry, who did his very best to not get in the way.

"Whatever." She sighed, and gave Ginny a warning look. "That was not an admission to anything. Drop it."

"Alright, alright," her friend relented, holding her hands innocently up in the air. "Dropping it."

Hermione smiled, and turned to the table holding several delicious cakes and desserts. She found herself a cookie that changed topping every now and again, and sat down across from Charlie, resting her elbows on her table. She took a bite of the cookie and chewed absently on it.

"Sick of staying here?" Charlie asked from across the table.

"Yeah, I feel pretty locked up," she admitted. "I keep picturing all the things I'm going to do when I get out of here."

"Ah yeah. Got any plans?"

"Oh lord, you have no idea." Hermione smiled, just as Draco took a seat next to her, quickly followed by both Remus and Tonks. "I'm going to the theatre to see a musical. I always wanted to do that. Then I'm going to Diagon Alley. I haven't even been there in ages, to be honest. There are a lot of things I've been neglecting."

"Work has kept you busy," Tonks commented. "It's not like you can help it."

"That's not entirely true," Hermione admitted. "It isn't work that has kept me busy. I'm the one who has kept myself busy with work, so I didn't have to return to everyday life."

"I suppose we all realised that," Charlie said quietly.

"But I'm not going to do that anymore. Spending all this time with you guys has opened my eyes again. So when I'm free from this place, I'll visit The Burrow for family dinners. I also think I'd like to go back to Hogwarts."

"Are you sure?" Remus asked carefully.

"Yeah. I know I've refused to go there before, because of... how things turned out. But I think it's the best thing to do."

"If you're certain," Charlie nodded carefully.

"I might change my mind at the last minute, but right now I feel that... Hogwarts was a great time of my life, and I want to go back to remind myself that they aren't bad memories. They're good."

Hermione smiled at the man across from her, eating the last piece of her cookie. She looked up just in time to see Draco place a Butterbeer in front of her, and he took his seat again, opening his own Butterbeer with a trained movement.

"Thanks," she said gratefully, and he gave her a small wink as he took a sip.

She suddenly noticed that everyone around the table, including Fred and George who were standing up against the wall, were eyeing Draco with expressions she couldn't quite interpret. He seemed to have picked up on it too, and he lowered his hand hesitantly. People quickly tried to pretend like nothing had happened.

"Oh," he muttered, sighing as he realised what it was. Hermione, on the other hand, still looked around on the awkward crowd around her.

"I'm sorry. I should have put my robe back on," Draco apologised, and made to get up.

"It's alright, mate," Harry quickly assured him. "It's just a bit weird to see it like that."

Hermione suddenly realised that he was wearing a t-shirt, short sleeved like t-shirts always were. The black mark on his arm, still etched firmly in to his skin, though it seemed to have paled since Voldemort had been vanquished.

"Yeah, we know you're on our side," Fred said from the wall, but Draco remained standing by his chair.

"I'm not usually that comfortable with anyone seeing it," he said slowly, looking uncomfortable.

"At least it's a lot paler," Hermione suddenly said, and gripped his arm from where she was sitting. He struggled at first, but then relaxed and let her hands close around his arm right underneath the mark. "It used to be a lot more defined, darker and it moved, which it doesn't at all now."

Hermione didn't miss the shocked gazes she got at that, perhaps because it hadn't dawned on them until then that she had seen it when it was almost fresh. Not that it usually paled with time, but the fall of Voldemort was bound to have an effect on it.

"Any change is for the better, I suppose," he said quietly. "I can't hide the fact that I wish it would disappear for good."

"To be quite honest, I doubt it ever will," she replied sympathetically, and let his arm go, though a bit reluctantly.

"I know. But to be marked for life by someone you hate isn't exactly fun, no matter how consensual it was at the time," he grimaced, and got strangled sound from Harry.

"Tell me about it," he said, rolling his eyes. "I can't ever cut my fringe because of the hideous scar."

"At least you didn't choose yours," Draco said with a sad smile. "And yours is a sign of how good you are. Mine is a sign of how bad I am."

"I believe we've had this discussion before, Draco," she said exasperatedly. "Sit down... please."

He turned, and his expression softened as his eyes fell on her pleading expression. Slowly, he returned to his seat and drank absently from his Butterbeer again.

"Yeah, I remember that discussion," he finally replied, not meeting her eyes this time around.

"Good," she commented sternly. "Perhaps you also remember how I said that the mark does not define who you are, neither does it make you something you're not."

"How do you know what I am?" he asked, suddenly looking a bit too grave for her liking.

She sighed, not really wanting to take these kinds of discussions in front of everyone, but she turned around to face him, finding him biting his lip, obviously concerned by whatever it was he was thinking. She placed her hands on his cheeks and forced him to meet her eyes, and she held them locked with hers for several moments.

"I still see the person who couldn't kill. Who couldn't, and wouldn't, live up to the fate someone else had designed for him," she concluded, and let his face go, turning the other way again.

"Who says I didn't kill during the war?" he asked in a pained voice, and Hermione sighed heavily.

"Draco, it was war. Do you think none of us killed?" she asked intently, suddenly having a harsh tone to her voice. "Don't you think I killed? Don't you think I had to do something I promised myself I never would?"

She swallowed heavily at that, and tried to calm herself down, suppressing the memory of the cloaked figure falling to the ground with a sickening thud. Without really thinking it through, she shot her hand across the table and grabbed Remus's Firewhiskey and tipped the glass against her mouth.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Draco called from beside her, and snatched the glass out of her hand. "Calm down."

She gave him an accusing stare, and tried desperately to get the glass out of his grip.

"Look, I'm sorry I obviously brought up something you'd rather not think about, but that's no reason to drown your worries in alcohol," he said intently, giving the now half-full glass of Firewhiskey back to Remus, who hid it safely out of arms length.

"Don't you tell me what to do," she hissed angrily, knowing very well she wasn't really angry at him, but at things she had buried way down and hadn't planned on digging up again.

"Yes, I know, you don't like to be commanded," he said dully. "You proved that once already when you nearly killed yourself on a broomstick."

"I'm getting another Firewhiskey," she announced defiantly, but he rose and pushed her back into the chair.

"If you want to drink for the fun of it, then be my guest," he said calmly, inches from her face as he bent down. "But I'm not letting you get into the habit of drowning your problems in alcohol. It's a path you don't want to go down."

"I don't have problems," she muttered, closing her eyes to shield herself from his penetrating gaze.

"I can see that," he commented dryly, and she felt his hands on her shoulders. "Look, let's not think about whatever it is right now. We have plenty of time to worry. Molly made this all so that we could have a good time."

"Fine," she relented, crossing her arms over her chest. "Can I at least have a Butterbeer? The kind with alcohol in it?"

"Yeah, I suppose that's a fair compromise," he nodded, and let go of her shoulders. She darted up immediately, and made her way to the beverage table.

To her despair, she was joined by Ginny who gave her a stern look. Hermione sighed as she opened the Butterbeer, feeling ashamed by her own behaviour.

"You can't let that bother you still," Ginny said intently.

"I can't help but playing it over in my head. Seeing him fall, knowing I had taken someone's father or brother or son," Hermione said in a pained voice. "But the worst part is... that if I hadn't hesitated, Ron could probably have been alive."

"Hermione, don't do that to yourself," Ginny said fiercely, gripping her by the shoulders. "You know there wasn't anything you could do to save him. You killed the man as quickly as you could, and even if it unfortunately wasn't soon enough, you have no fault."

"I'd like to believe that," she replied quietly, putting the now empty box in the window sill and grabbed a new one while ignoring Ginny's concern look.

"You need to get your mind off that. At least for tonight, and then we can talk about it later if you want to"

"I know," Hermione replied and put up a grin. "I'm fine."

"So, how was it earlier?" Ginny asked in a hushed voice, leaning in eagerly.

"You so aren't giving up, are you?"

"Never."

"Oh alright, it was good," Hermione replied quickly. "No it wasn't. It was fantastic... incredible. Can't even be explained."

Ginny beamed. "That's my girl."

"You should try holding out for three years. The effect is astounding," Hermione suggested, and Ginny gave a loud laugh.

"Oh, dear. I think I'll pass."

"Is Harry really that irresistible?" Hermione asked teasingly.

"Yes."

Hermione gave her a playful nudge, and smiled genuinely for the first time since the awkward turn of conversations. Seconds later she felt a tap on her shoulder, and she turned around to find Draco standing behind her with a silly grin.

"May I have this dance?" he asked in a formal voice, holding out his hand for her. "Since I never did get to dance with you at the Yule Ball."

"But we did dance." She laughed, knowing they were all watching them now. "On the roof later."

"But never in public." He smiled, still holding his arm out for her.

"There's no suitable music," she protested with a laugh, putting her half finished Butterbeer down on the table with the other beverages.

"Molly?" Draco asked, turning his head slightly back towards the grinning Mrs. Weasley. She swung her wand elegantly, and the tones of smooth waltz filled the kitchen.

Hermione shook her head in amusement, and placed her hand gently in his, letting him pull her to the middle of the floor. With one calculated thug of her arm, she had been swung against him and straight into the correct position. She heard Ginny gasp at the move, which looked undoubtedly elegant and professional from their point of view. The familiar feeling of wondering how she could fit so nicely into his hold reappeared, and she smiled happily up at him. She knew she barely had to move at all. He would do all the work, and she only had to lift her feet so she didn't get tangled into his.

When the music hit the correct beat, he began leading her across the floor and she instantly gained the feeling of floating across it. All her worries seemed to disappear from her mind, and she only enjoyed the feeling of his arms guiding her. They twirled across the room, and she knew she looked like a better dancer than she really was. When she closed her eyes, she could see herself in her deep red dress, and remembered the perfect ending to the Yule Ball evening. It was absurd saying it, but it actually felt like simpler times now.

When the music stopped he slowed them down, but didn't let her go even when they stopped to a halt in the middle of the floor where they began. The others applauded them, and she was sure she saw a tear in Molly's eyes. His arms left the position they had been in, and he used both of his hands to stroke her hair back. She let her arms fall and coil around his waist.

"I remember you in that red dress." He chuckled. "You nearly sent me falling to the ground head first."

"Well this was a good re-enactment, even without the fancy clothes," she said warmly.

"So I'm a better dancer than Krum?" he replied with a twinkle in his eyes, barely suppressing a grin.

"I see where you're going with this," she said warningly, raising her eyebrows.

"Well, I believe one thing is missing to make it a perfect re-enactment of the happenings." He winked, and she could no longer hide her smile.

He bent down and closed his lips of hers, completely ignoring the crowd still eyeing them from across the room. The kiss was soft and tender, and she answered it in the same affectionate manner, before breaking free.

"Better kisser than Krum too," she said, not able to keep the laughter completely from her voice, and he broke into an instant chuckle.

"Oh, this is not mental at all," he commented. "It's been three years and we still remember exactly what we said, word for word."

She smiled in reply, letting him put his arm around her and lead her back to the table, but they never did get that far. Within moments they had been run down by a bouncing redhead, who wrapped her hands tightly around them both.

"You are the cutest couple I've ever seen," she cried, holding them tightly.

"Gin... It was just a dance." Hermione chuckled.

"No it was way more than that. Oh, don't make me explain," she dismissed, pulling away, and Hermione noticed she had to dry her eyes.

"I didn't mean to make you cry," she said in puzzlement, and Ginny shot her an exasperated look.

"I'm moved to tears, you goofball."

"Ooh… erm," Hermione replied with a nervous laugh, definitely not knowing what to say to that. She hadn't exactly meant to leave the two female Weasleys in a river of tears.

Hermione smiled at Draco, before slipping out of his hold and went to join Fred and George by the wall.

"Quite a show," Fred commented, holding out a newly opened Butterbeer for her.

"Oh yeah, I'm sorry about that. I got kind of lost in it," she apologised with a small blush creeping into her cheeks.

"Don't be, Hermione," George assured her, and she put up a wondering expression, finding it odd how they had suddenly turned around so completely.

"I know things are weird," she said then, clutching the box comfortingly in her hand.

"Things haven't been un-weird for years."

"I suppose that's true." Hermione smiled, and suddenly noticed George flicking his wand in the air.

"We need some more cheerful music," he announced, and both twins dragged her onto the floor as the tunes of the more contemporary dance music appeared. She shrieked with laughter as they hauled her along, and somewhere along the way both Ginny and Harry got tangled up in the web.

They began dancing happily to the carefree music. Well, more bouncing than dancing, she supposed, and she laughed happily as Ginny gave her a small twirl on the floor. After several more songs, and a few more Butterbeers, she stumbled laughingly away from the floor. Tripping over her own feet slightly, she reached Draco where he was sitting in his chair by the table, and she wrapped her hands around his neck from behind. She giggled happily, and pressed her lips to his cheek, grinning so widely her cheeks nearly split in two.

"There you are." He smiled. "I'm like the old retired guy sitting here muttering at the kids and their modern day music."

She chuckled loudly and began kissing his neck lovingly.

"A cute retired, old guy. Except you're not old. And you're not retired," she giggled. "And you're more a man than anything else... you smell nice. But you always smell nice."

"Well at least that's good to know. Personal hygiene is always important."

"You smell like you. I've missed that smell of you," she proclaimed, and Draco shot an apologetic grimace at the others sitting across from them.

Before he was even prepared, she had swung herself around the chair and into his lap giggling hysterically. He moaned as she landed hard into his lap, but she didn't notice and curled herself up on it, resting her head against his shoulder. He wrapped his hand carefully around her back and rested it on her thigh, holding her in place in case she should fall off.

"You know, Draco..." she began, pronouncing the r with an odd little trill.

"I'm not so sure I want to know," he answered honestly, and gave the people in front of them a slight grimace.

"You make me tingle," she announced happily, and he adapted an amused expression.

"Really," he replied, not able to keep the laughter from his voice.

"It's true," she called indignantly. "You do all the time. I can feel myself tingling right now."

He gave a nervous laugh at that, and tensed a bit when he felt her lips against his neck.

"Don't get me wrong... I think that's good... but I also happen to think that you've had a bit too much to drink," he said carefully, and reached his free hand up to stroke the hair away from her face.

"No!" she protested loudly, dragging the o out too long to be even remotely believable. "I just had a few Firewhiskeys when you weren't looking. And some Butterbeers. And then more Butterbeers."

He sighed at that, and stroked her thigh absently.

"Maybe we should get you some coffee," he suggested calmly.

"No. This is fun," she grinned, running her hand over his chest.

"Erm yes. But I like it better in… private," he said uncomfortably, trying to suppress the glances they were getting.

"Oooo," she cooed, resting her hand on his stomach.

"No, no, no," he chastised with a slight smile. "That wasn't a hint."

"Meanie," she huffed with a large pout.

"Yes, I'm really bad," he replied, smiling down at her.

"No, I've been bad," she suddenly said, licking her lips. "Punish me."

"Hermione!" he squeaked in horror, not quite believing what he heard. She wasn't even like this in the privacy of their bed, let alone in front of her entire family.

"You're blushing," she cried in delight, and his cheeks grew even redder at that.

"So would you if you hadn't drunk all your inhibitions straight out the window," he commented dryly, deliberately not looking up at Molly, Remus, Charlie and Tonks still sitting right across from them at the table.

He then lifted her off his lap, and got up so she couldn't sit down again. She stood there, looking uncertain and rejected, eyeing him with large eyes.

"Don't look at me like that," he pleaded with a sigh. "I'm just trying to spare you some embarrassment tomorrow morning."

"Yeah right," she said, suddenly sounding choked. She wrapped her arms around her chest, tears forming in her eyes.

"Oh Merlin. Don't cry," he exclaimed in a pained voice, not knowing what to do.

"You don't want me," she suddenly cried, the tears rolling down her face now. A feeling of dread ran through him, and wondered how on earth he could get away from this rather embarrassing situation. How could he explain that he did want her, without actually offending the other people in the room?

He tried to step closer to her, but she backed away with a closed up expression on her face.

"Hermione," he exclaimed in frustration, throwing his arms out. "You know very well that that's not true!"

She didn't answer him at all, she just looked sad and insecure, and he didn't know what to do. To talk sense to her now was almost impossible. Drunk people usually didn't want understand sense at all. She began walking away from him, walking towards the table with alcohol, in fact. It didn't take long until she stumbled over her own feet, and he shot forwards and grabbed her to keep her from falling.

"Let me go," she protested, and he could still see the tears in the corner of her eyes."Not a chance," he replied calmly, and held her firmly. "You have to stop this nonsense."

"What nonsense?" she asked indignantly.

"This silly notion that I don't want you," he replied quietly, but he knew people could still hear him. "I've spent three years doing nothing but want you."

"I don't make you tingle," she sniffed, and he sighed in exasperation.

"No?" he asked intensely, and suddenly drew her as close as he could. He wrapped one arm around her waist, feeling her warm curves press against him. Without a word he took her hand and put it on his chest, exactly where his heart was racing uncontrollably.

Her eyes widened at the feel of the heavy thuds against her hand, and he led her other hand around to his back. He then ran his hands over her shoulders, her cheeks, her hair, drawing in the scent of her hair. The familiar shiver ran through him, his entire body tense now. She had definitely felt the shiver, cause she withdrew her hand with a quick motion, her mouth hanging open.

"All you," he said simply, and released her just like that, not meeting the eyes of the others in the room. "And now you're going to bed."

Her eyes lit up, and he nearly cried in exasperation.

"To sleep," he added dryly, and she crossed her hands over her chest again.

"No, I want to stay. I'm doing fine."

He didn't reply to that. All he did was bend down and lift her up into his arms, determined not to let her embarrass herself any further. She cried indignantly, and fought against his grip, but he had no troubles holding her there.

"Thank you everyone, I've had a good time," he said politely, sounding rather absurd considering. "I will be going back to the Manor, but I'll be back tomorrow."

The others waved uncertainly at him, and he carried Hermione out the kitchen door and up the stairs. She stopped fighting him eventually, and he got her inside the bedroom without too much ado. Carefully, he lowered her down on the bed and looked at her with a drawn expression. Did she really think he didn't want her, or was it just drunk rambling?

"You should join me," she said then, stumbling over the words as she spoke.

"I don't think that's a good idea," he said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I want to so badly, but I want you to be less drunk and more present."

She reached over and wrapped her arms around his waist, and he felt his self control wither away. He tried to get a grip on it again, and turned around to face her.

"Plus, I think you'd fall asleep on me," he commented dryly and to his surprised she gave a small laugh.

"You're probably right about that," she admitted and fell back towards the pillows.

He began unbuttoning her jeans, but she didn't even notice. Unfortunately, he noticed very much, and had to restrain himself immensely. He removed her jeans and her top, leaving her in her underwear, and he wrapped the covers gently around her. She smiled widely through her drunken haze, and he before he straightened up to leave he bent down and met her lips. To his surprise, she was conscious enough to answer it, leaving him with the urge to stay lost in her soft kiss forever.

-----

A/N: Err, yeah. Just don't ask. LOL.