Author's Note: A conversation between two people, and a one-off exemption from parodying Buffy episode titles. This one was just too perfect.

BTW, I'm officially soliciting positions of Lie to Me: Change it or leave it alone?

Disclaimer: Buffy characters are the creation of Joss Whedon, Veronica Mars characters of Rob Thomas, the storyline of me.

X X X X X

"Good morning, Xander," I said pleasantly. "Want a coffee?"

"What I want is to spend as little time with you as possible. But seeing as you've made it impossible for me to completely avoid you, I'm thinking we may as well get this over with as fast as we can."

"It's good coffee." No lie. The Espresso Pump and Java the Hut were peas in a pod when it came to quality.

"I don't think you want me more keyed up right now."

"I can see that," I said. "What I don't get is why." He started to say something, and I interrupted with, "Hold on. Give me a second. I'm not lying, exaggerating, or clueless, and you know I'm not stupid. So if you'd do me a favor and stall any response that says anything on the order of 'You should know why.' I don't. I know your family life sucks; I know your friend Jesse disappeared on the night of that gang battle in the Bronze. But I also know you're not dumb enough to blame me for either of those. Unless you've reached the point where you're blaming me for the Oklahoma City bombing, in which case this conversation is pointless."

After a second of silence, he said, "Am I allowed to talk now?" I made a go-ahead gesture. "Good. First, don't mention my family again."

He seemed genuinely upset, so I said, "Sorry. Wasn't trying to needle you."

"Second, no, I don't blame you for the Oklahoma City Bombing."

"I hadn't really thought so. But that brings us to the big question. What do you blame me for?"

"First things first. What did you find?"

"A note you wrote to Lilly about a week before she was murdered." Early this morning, I'd run out to a copy shop and made three copies, and taken the original back home. I hadn't expected to run into Xander so soon – what did Buffy say to him to get him to agree so quickly? – so I was lucky I had the copy.

As to why I copied it, well, I wasn't going to give him the chance to get his hands on the original – he might destroy it, like Logan did with the tapes of Aaron and Lilly having sex back in Neptune.

"I didn't –" he said, angrily.

"I know," I said, although I didn't tell him how I knew. "It's not in your character, and there are other people with much better motives."

"Like you."

I am rarely speechless.

This was one of those times.

"Me?" I finally gasped out. What the hell motive would I have to kill Lily?

"Don't insult me by pretending you don't know."

I sighed. "And again with this idea that I'm toying with you. I'm not. I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. So if it insults you to say that I don't know, well, then, I'm sorry, but I'm insulting you." I got no answer. At least he hadn't stormed off.

"I'm used to it," he said, resignedly.

"I'll answer your unasked question," I said, because a monstrously huge question now lay between us, "If you'll answer one of mine." He waved his right hand, telling me non-verbally to ask the question.

Either, that, or he was telling me to go fuck myself. Given his uncharacteristically foul temper, I wouldn't necessarily rule that out.

"My question first," I said. "When were you and Lilly involved?"

"For about three weeks," he said. "From late September to early October last year -- up to a few days before she died."

"How --"

"Your turn," he said.

Fair was fair. "The answer to your question is no."

"Good. My question is, would you mind throwing yourself into the path of the next truck down the street?"

"Not bad. Also not the actual question," I said. "Your actual question is, 'Did you, Veronica Mars, kill Lilly Kane?' And the answer to that question is not only no, it's huh? And how the hell did you come up with that idea?"

Xander closed his eyes. When he opened them, he said, "I don't actually think that."

"You thought it at one point. And for a second or two right then, you were sure as hell thinking it again."

"Yeah. I was. But I don't think you held the -- what was it again?"

"Some kind of blunt object. Call it a rock."

He said, "See, I don't think you actually held the rock. The hand that cradled the rock fooled the world. And you were grieving your ass off in those days, even while everything else was going to hell around you. And honestly, manhunter, I don't think you're that good an actress, no matter how good you are at playing detective."

It was like pulling teeth, only the guy in the chair was fighting back. "So. What. Do. You. Think. I. did?"

"You have a note," he said. "I have a note." He pulled a sheet of paper out of his pocket, unfolded it, and handed it to me.

I looked down at it, did a doubletake, read over it carefully, and said, "What the hell?"

"You tell me."

The note was dated four days before Lilly's murder. Here's what it said:

"Lilly, darling:

Good lord. Xander Harris? I mean, I can understand why you might want to slum a bit, but really, couldn't you come up with someone better than that? Don't get me wrong, he's not bad-looking, but still.

As far as how I know goes: Here's a hint: Don't make out in public. Closets are your friend, sweetie. This isn't public knowledge or anything – I'm not a gossip. I'm just looking out for you. If you want to go dumpster diving on your break from Logan, that's your business. Just watch out – there are other people out there who might like to see you fall from grace.

Cordelia Chase, for instance. Or any of her followers. Can you imagine what Harmony Kendall would do if she got hold of this?

Talk to you later –

Veronica

I had to admit, it looked like my handwriting.

It wasn't, of course, though it was a passable imitation. It wouldn't have fooled me or my father, but it might have fooled someone who didn't know me quite as well. Even in my fluffiest, pinkest days I never wrote like that. Apart from the salutation – yes, I would have called her "Lilly, Darling," though mostly as a running gag – it sounded nothing like me.

Who did it sound like?

Well may you ask.

It sounded like Lilly trying to sound like me. Lilly Kane had many talents, but impersonation was never one of them. She was having too much fun being herself to put serious effort into being someone else. (The handwriting was a different story – I could do a passable imitation of her writing, as well, only mine would have sounded like here. One of those things girls learn to do in case they want to try to fool each other's parents, for whatever reason I could never figure out. Dad wouldn't have been fooled, anyway. Lilly and I did mostly because she thought it was fun.

Same reason we did a lot of things.

I knew immediately why Lilly had written the note. At least, I thought I did. She was in the first flush (and the last flush, perfect metaphor for their relationship) of her affair with Aaron Echolls, and while Lilly was perfectly willing to, as someone put it, "Relationship around," she didn't like things to get too complicated. Three guys on the string at once would have been a bit too much for her.

Three guys? Sure. Logan, Xander, Aaron. No matter that she and Logan were in an off-again stage in their relationship; she thought Logan was still on her string, and given how Logan blamed me after Lilly's death that was a fairly safe assumption on her part.

So she needed to break it off with Xander; but Xander, unlike Logan, wouldn't have done anything remotely actionable to offend Lilly. (Clothes fluke notwithstanding. Talk about your baldly naked plot devices.) And Xander was a genuinely nice guy – and Lilly would have tried not to hurt him.

Lilly wasn't malicious, really. She could be insensitive, but that was entirely different. If you treated her badly, you could expect the same back, but she wanted everyone to love her, and casually dumping someone wouldn't have engendered that. Not that she was that calculating.

So it would have fit Lilly's character to dummy up a letter from me and use that as her excuse to break up with Xander. It never would have crossed her mind that Xander might blame me for the 'shipwreck. She would have figured that Xander and I ran in different circles, and anyway she'd always be there as a buffer between us.

She was Lilly Kane. She was indestructible. She never would have expected the hand that cradled the rock, either.

"Well?" Xander said. Note that by now we'd gone well over the "five minutes" he'd allotted me when he'd unceremoniously plopped himself down in the opposite chair.

"Well, what?"

"Look at that and tell me you don't know why I hate your guts."

"I know why," I said. "Tell me. When Lilly broke up with you, did she tell you that you might be able to get together at some point in the future once I'd gotten less suspicious?"

I got an unreadable look in response, followed by a "yes."

"So did you blame her or me?"

Xander's look was now readable, and was pure hostility. "You."

"And if I told you that I hadn't written that letter?" I asked, knowing the answer.

"I'd say you were lying through your teeth." And right on cue . . .

"Is there anyone you'd trust?"

"Your father would be biased, and everyone else in the police department would have trouble spelling cat if you spotted them the C and the A."

A trifle offended, I said, "Trust me here. Keith Mars? Not biased. Still, I get why you wouldn't want to go to him. And as for the rest of the police department, I agree. Hell, I don't think they'd be able to spell it even if you gave them the T. So. Anyone else?"

"You won't trust her."

And like that I knew. "Tell me. I'll make the judgment."

"Willow, manhunter," Xander said.

I didn't hesitate. "Done. Do you want to call her or should I?" I got out my cell phone.

"I'll do it," he said. "She wouldn't believe you." I think Willow was a lot less hostile to me than maybe Xander thought she was. I don't think she was too fond of me, but she'd never treated me like evil incarnate.

I still didn't have the complete reasoning behind Xander's visceral hatred, but I had a lot of it now, and I was betting the rest of it was similar to the reason Logan had hated me. I had been the reason, ostensibly, that neither of them had been with Lilly had the time of her death, because they would have been able to protect her.

Never mind that that wasn't true. Aaron Echolls would have had no hesitation at trying to take out Xander, too.

Hmmm. Xander and Logan both had abusive fathers. At some point that might be worth exploring.

But now wasn't that time.

As I handed him the phone, I said, "Once she tells you I didn't write that note, I want you to agree to do something."

"If it involves standing on my head in public, I'm out," he said. "'cause that never works." Goodness. Honest-to-God Xander Harris goofiness shining through, if only for a second.

"No gymnastics ability of any sort will be required," I said. "Instead, I want you to see something."

"What?"

"The hand that cradled the rock."