AN: These three seem to be the main targets for angst (particularly angsty slash...).
Those crazy foaming-at-mouth fangirls are also getting on my nerves. I met a rabid Sanji fangirl who said she hated Nami because "the bitch stole her man" and that she supposedly "killed Robin."
How sad.
I don't mind fangirls, but I do mind fangirl fangirls.

The Angsty Trio

"What's wrong with those three idiots?" Nami whispered, pointing at Sanji, Luffy, and Zoro. They were sitting around a table, their faces smooshed against the white surface.

"Angst." Robin whispered back.

"Seriously? AGAIN?!" Nami yelled in frustration. She strode over to the three boys and began kicking them viciously. "GET UP! GET UP, YOU... YOU..."

"Mothaf***ing b*****es who can't even do **** right and ****ed up their ****ing lives?" Robin suggested.

"Yeah! What she said!" Nami said.

"Ooooh..." Sanji groaned. He began crying.

"What's the point anymore?" Zoro asked dully.

"My poor wittle tormented soul!" Luffy cried.

"Why are you even angsting?" Usopp, who happened to be passing by, asked.

"Well, I realized that Nami-san and Robin-chan will never love me. And I'm possibly gay." Sanji sighed.

"I realized that I'll always be weak and you guys will hate me forever and ever and EVER due to inexplicable plotholes and poorly planned storylines." Zoro said.

"I'm pregnant!" Luffy bawled.

"...Sorry I asked." Usopp walked away.

"This is so stupid!" Nami slapped her forehead.

"Oi, Zoro, wanna make out?" Sanji asked sadly, turning to him.

"Ask that again and I'll cut your balls off and donate them to Brook." Zoro growled.

"... Okay. Luffy?" Sanji turned to Luffy.

"No. I think I'll go perform an abortion with a hanger." Luffy stood up and trudged to the men's cabin.

"I'll stop him." Robin went after him.

Nami stood above the two angsty men. She sighed. "Look, you guys. Life isn't all that bad."

"Noooooo! You're wroooong!" Sanji wailed. He suddenly stood up, sprinted across the deck, and jumped overboard.

Splash!

"O-kaaay." Nami said. "Zoro?"

"DON'T TALK TO ME! I CAN SEE THE HATRED IN YOUR EYES!!" Zoro sobbed in despair, covering his face.

"This is hopeless." Nami facepalmed. There was some shouting from the men's cabin. Nami ran over to see what was wrong.

Luffy was attempting to eat a hanger and Robin was trying to pry the metal wire out of his hands.

"That's not how you do it, Captain-san!" Robin said helplessly.

"THE BABY WILL BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT MEEEEEE!!" Luffy bawled. With one final shove, he stuffed the hanger down his throat where it stretched his neck into a flat triangle shape. Luffy blinked. "Is... is the baby gone?"

"Um... yes, Captain-san. The deed has been done." Robin patted his back.

"Good." Luffy spat out the hanger and promptly fell over, fast asleep.

"Those three need extensive therapy." Robin decided, covering Luffy's face with a handkerchief.

"Obviously. Oh, and Sanji drowned himself." Nami said casually.

"It was really that bad?"

"Yup."

"Oh. Shouldn't we at least try to recover his waterlogged corpse?"

"Nah. He'll come back to life by a bad plot device sooner or later." Nami waved it off.

"Very logical."

***

AN: I didn't mean to kill Sanji. Honest! ._.
Reviews will be greatly appreciated.