Chapter 21: "Fear and Loathing in Copenhagen"
Mathias swung Lukas' hand back and forth with each step he took. He was walking him home today because his mother wasn't able to pick him up with Emil being sick. The weather was nice, though, as it was the middle of May. The sky was vibrantly blue and the smell of flowers seemed to waft around the suburbs.
"Hey, are you pretty excited for the last orchestra concert or what?" Mathias asked. He was especially excited. He had been practicing a lot more and was always thrilled to be able to show off. Lukas nodded and said, "Yes."
"Have you been practicing?"
Lukas smirked a little. "We've all been practicing." He was definitely aware of how often Mathias practiced and how hard he worked on his music. The way he talked about playing, he had to have been playing outside of orchestra a great deal, and though it annoyed him at times to hear him go on about it, it made him happy to see Mathias happy.
"So I was wondering if you might, uh... be interested in coming to see my football game tomorrow? You don't have to! I know you don't like it," Mathias said quickly, his grip on the other boys hand tightening.
Mathias was right about that. Lukas didn't like sports. But he did like Mathias, so he said, "I'm interested," voice neutral as ever. The taller boy sighed in relief, then handed him a paper from his pocket. "Good! The address is on there. It's an away game." Lukas shoved the paper into his pocket as they approached his house. He looked from the front door to Mathias, not wanting the walk to end, but Mathias had football practice today and had to leave.
Mathias gave him a little kiss and hugged him tightly, the other wrapping his arms around him with a little smile on his lips. "Uh, I love you... like, a lot," Mathias said awkwardly, not knowing if that was the right thing to say in this situation, but the way Lukas beamed at the comment made him realize that he'd said the right thing. "I love you, too."
They stared at each other for a second, Mathias wanting to be a gentlemen and wait until Lukas was in the house before leaving, and Lukas, just wanting to watch Mathias as he left. Finally, they both turned at the same time and giggled.
"Wait, Lukas!"
He turned as he opened the door. "Hm?"
"I love you!"
He smiled. "You already said that," he said, looking down. "Stupid. I love you, too."
Mathias winked, and with that, he left, leaving Lukas bright red and leaning against the door. When Lukas could no longer see the other, he went inside. He ran upstairs and put all of his school stuff away, then raced back downstairs for the kitchen.
He dug around in the cabinet for some cookies, grabbing two and sitting down at the table. He nibbled on them and daydreamed a bit, pausing on the occasion to let out little giggles he wished he would have been more ashamed of.
"Lukas?"
His mother was standing in the doorway, but there was someone behind her. His father. He was normally at work at this time and Lukas was completely confused. "Dad?"
They were both smiling nervously, which made Lukas incredibly nervous as well, but also curious. He set the cookie down and they each took their seats across from him. Neither of them said anything for a few seconds, so he took it upon himself to say, "Why is dad here?"
His dad was never home at this time of the day. Never. He suspected they wanted to talk to him about Mathias. That seemed to be a popular topic in their house lately and he'd grown accustomed to it by now. He tucked his hands in his lap and waited patiently for whatever they were going to tell him.
His parents looked at each other, then at their son. Finally, his mother said, "Something very wonderful happened today, Lukas."
He said nothing, expecting her to go on, but she just looked at him expectantly. He shrugged awkwardly and said, "What?"
They looked at each other again. It was his father who answered this time. "Well, I was offered a job as a professor at a university. We'll be making a lot more than we are now, I can tell you that much," he said with a faint smile. Lukas raised his eyebrows and smiled a little. "That's good." He was really happy for his father. He worked hard and deserved a better position.
To his surprise, his mother didn't smile. He sunk back in the chair a little. "Why aren't you happy?" He asked, thinking of all people, his mother would be ecstatic. She'd been hoping he would be getting a better position sometime soon, and now that it was actually happening, she was upset? She just shook her head and said, "I am very happy, Lukas."
He blinked, not understanding what the problem was. "What school is it? Is it the big one close to mine?"
His father cleared his throat, then said, "The Catholic University of America."
Lukas' smile slowly faded as he realized why they both weren't smiling anymore. He looked down at the floor, then looked up quickly, his eyes becoming wider. "What?"
"Lukas-"
"America? The... of America?"
They both nodded. His father couldn't look up from the table and his mother was trying to grab his hand, but he pulled it away sharply and said, "We're moving again? That's what this is about?!"
They both nodded. He shot out of his chair and started breathing faster, coming closer and closer to hyperventilating. "Where?"
"Washington D.C."
He felt tears brimming in his eyes. "Wh... ? No! When are we leaving?"
"May 30th."
He was trying to stop the constant flowing of tears, but it was nearly impossible. "I don't even get to go to the last day? And I have to miss the last concert!" He bent down and began to cry into his palms. "Oh, no." He looked up, gasped, and reached for the phone on the counter. "Mathias," he said, more tears gliding down his cheeks. His face was twisted into one of pain and betrayal and he'd never felt so terrible in his life.
"Lukas," his father said, taking the phone from him. "Calm down before you call him. You'll scare him."
The boy didn't care. He ran into the living room and shoved his feet into his shoes as quickly as he possibly could, all while muttering "no" under his breath constantly. His mother started to touch his shoulder, but he pushed her hand away, glaring at her. "You've ruined my life!" He said through little sobs.
She felt guilty, but she knew everything was going to be okay and she wished Lukas could have understood, but all he understood was the pain he was currently going through. "Lukas, you need to calm-"
"N-No!" He cried out, opening the front door. His mother grabbed his arm and pulled him closer. "Listen, Lukas. Listen to me." Her voice was firm, no longer sugary or sweet. "You need to calm down right now. This is going to be a good thing for all of us, and you'll see once we get to D.C. that this is the case. You'll make new friends. You didn't think you'd make friends here and you met Mathias."
Upon being reminded of Mathias, he broke into a new fit of sobs. "Mathias isn't my friend! I love him, mama!"
His father was watching from the kitchen. He had no idea what to say or how to make the situation better, so he left it to his wife, who wished he would speak up. "Look at me. Now." He turned hesitantly to look at her. "Lukas, you're too young for that. You're going to meet plenty of people to love and more people that say they love you. You're a child. So is Mathias. You both have plenty of time to experience love."
"But I love-"
"It's an infatuation! If we would have stayed, you would have hated each other in a month! It's short lived. It burns fast, burns brightly, and it burns out. Love and infatuation are different. Do you understand?"
He was silent. One tear rolled down his cheek as his face scrunched up again, leading to a series of soft cries. He pushed his hands to his face again and wept, not knowing what else to do. The minute his mother stepped away, he bolted for the door, one hand still covering his face.
"Lukas! LUKAS!"
The wind hummed in his ears as he ran towards his school. He ignored the yelling behind him, dead set on reaching Mathias at football practice.
Mathias kept running along the track steadily. He had one more lap to go until he could take a break. Whenever he got tired, he thought about Lukas. What would he think if he couldn't even do this? He was supposed to be strong. He pushed through the pain, ignoring the ache in his side completely and the drops of sweat rolling down his temple. He was thankful that it was a windy day. It would have been hell if it wasn't windy.
When he finished his laps and got through his break, they scrimmaged, which was just about his favorite thing to do in practice because it was the closest they ever came to playing an actual game in practice. By the time it was over, he was sweaty and tired. He gathered up his things, bent over to grab his water bottle, and felt somebody grab onto him from behind. He immediately stood straight up, an amused expression on his face, and turned to see a very upset Lukas.
"M-Mathias!?" Lukas gave him a tight hug, not really caring if he was sweaty. He was already crying and he couldn't even stop long enough to explain why. Mathias was more than worried. He was scared, angry, and defensive, absolutely ready to fight for the other boy. "What's wrong? What happened? Someone hurt you?"
He shook his head and gasped for air. He could feel Mathias' hand wiping tears off of his cheeks, lips on his forehead, and the taller boy embracing him again. He melted into the hug, sobbing more but a lot softer than before. "M-Mathias, I... " He choked on his words. They were all caught in his throat with his tears and he didn't know how to tell him. "I have to m-move," he sputtered, eyes clouding over again.
Mathias stared at him. "Uh? Move? Like, move away? To?"
"America, Mathias! Washington D.C." He trailed off at the end and his face scrunched up more. "S-So far away!" Mathias just stared at him, not knowing what to do at all. He knew he had to stay put together, though the news made him feel like someone had shoved their hand into his chest and was mangling his heart.
First, he called his mother and told her he'd take the bus home, then he took Lukas out to the nearest cafe' so they could actually sit and talk this through. He bought him a pastry, but Lukas wouldn't even touch it. He sipped at his glass of water and wiped at his eyes every so often.
"Lukas, I promise it'll be okay," he said, grabbing the others hand. "You can call and we can talk every single day if it'll make you feel better, I promise. I won't ever drop you." The way Mathias talked about it made him feel better, and although he was still squeezing tears out, he was also letting out tiny smiles as he realized that Mathias cared so much about him that he was willing to go great lengths to make it last.
"You know," he began, finally taking a bite of the pastry. "She said you didn't really love me. She said it would die out."
Mathias scoffed. "Who?"
"My mama."
The other rolled his eyes and leaned forward defensively. "You know that's not true, right?" Lukas looked down at the pastry again, looking a little uncomfortable and thinking he might start crying again. He didn't know it wasn't true. He wished it wasn't, but there was no way to tell.
"Lukas, that's not true. I really love you. I really don't know how I'd ever love anyone else. I mean, you're so cute and you're super nice. Just... really perfect."
Lukas wiped his nose on his sleeve and sniffled quietly. "No," he said softly, "I'm not really. And when I'm gone you'll find someone who's REALLY p-perfect." He tried to hold it in, he really did, but he was sobbing and everyone was staring. Mathias quickly escorted him out. "Lukas, please," he pleaded, trying to get the boy to stop. "You can stay at my house tonight, okay? Everything is going to be alright. I promise."
"How can you promise that?" He tried to catch his breath while wiping tears off his face with the back of his hand. "You can't guarantee that! Everything isn't okay because I'm not going to be here anymore!" He was still trying to catch his breath and people who passed by stared. Mathias grabbed Lukas' arm and started dragging him towards the bus stop.
Each little cry broke his heart and he couldn't take it. It was taking everything he had to not start crying with him before he got home. And it was even harder with him breaking down every minute. He was surprised he was even able to hold it in this long. Once the bus rolled around and they got on, that was home enough and he broke down, too, in the back seat.
"For it is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child Himself."