Apologies everyone! I uploaded this new chapter a few weeks on Ao3 and then totally forgot to crosspost here. Ahhh!
I explained over there about some delays with updates, due to irl things and projects. Updates might be few and far between and fair warning...a time *may* come when I don't have time for this story anymore. It's just the nature of things as I've been moving into professional writing.
But I'll let you know for sure if I am ever completely stopping my work on this.
For now...enjoy! :D
p.s. Extra apologies for any continuity issues or confusion. This is unbetaed so please also forgive any egregious errors in spelling and grammar.
Darcy had a plan. She and Bucky had lingered in the empty room, holding one another, until long after she heard Jane slam a door down the hallway. Thor eventually left too, and sometime later the motion sensitive lights in the hallway shut off. Hand in hand, they made their way down the vacant hallway, past empty conference rooms and offices, and to the elevator to head to Darcy's apartment. It was clear that Bucky had no intention of letting her out of his sight for the time being and Darcy had no intention of spending the night alone.
There were too many dark shadows poking at her brain. Inky visions she couldn't quite get a visual on that made her feel cold and hollow.
Her plan was simple: getting Bucky upstairs for a little TLC for both of them. He looked like he could use some sleep, if the deep, purple circles under his eyes were anything to judge by. They'd jump into some cozy pajamas, pull up the covers, and snuggle until they both fell asleep safe and sound with one another.
That was the plan anyway. Totally innocent. However, Bucky's nearness in the elevator, his fingers brushing down her arms, his breath in her hair as he hovered just behind her stirred a whole new desire inside of her.
As soon as the door to apartment clicked shut behind them, Darcy lost her cool. She pounced, planting her lips on his. The kiss was rough and desperate, her teeth clashing against his. Without missing a beat his arms wrapped around her, catching her and holding her up off the ground. Bucky's stubble scraped her cheeks and she moved back and forth, trying to get the best angle, trying to find the position that gave her the best access to his mouth.
She'd heard related stories of near death experiences often lighting up the loins of a person. Nothing could make someone feel more alive than some post-action sex and whoa boy, Bucky hands were setting her on fire. He gripped her hard, pressing them together, not concerned about how rough he might be handling her. It made her love him all the more as her fingers scrambled for the zip of his hoodie and yanked it down, wanting to get to some skin as quick as she possibly could.
"Wait a second," Bucky mumbled, in spite of the fact that their mouths were all but smashed together. "Darce, hold on." He was pushing at her shoulders and she was whining like a five year old who's mother had taken away her lollipop.
"What's the matter?" She asked, breathless.
Bucky blew out a breath. "We can't do this," he replied, sounding like he was still trying to convince himself of what he was saying. "I know what this is."
"What is this?"
Bucky was still holding her shoulders, still holding her away and preventing her from diving back in for another taste of his lips. "It's adrenaline," he explained, "it's shock. It's you almost dying and me watching and both of us needing to feel…life."
Darcy reached up as much as she could with the way he was holding her back, only able to grasp his forearms. "That doesn't sound so bad."
"Look, trust me doll, I want this," Bucky squeezed his eyes shut, "you don't know how bad. And the old Bucky would have definitely said to hell with it and took advantage of everything you're offering." He paused and looked her in the eye, his gaze filled with heat, but overpowered by something softer, more thoughtful. One of his hands, the cybernetic hand, released her and came up to brush the tousled hair away from her face. "You're special and I want this to be special…at least the first time."
Darcy could feel her heart bursting out of her chest over the realization that the world's most deadly assassin wanted to romance her before they did the deed. "Oh my god," she whined, dropping her chin to her chest. "You're so 1940s."
Bucky chuckled and placed a kiss over her hair.
"That's what you get when you fall for a guy who's almost a hundred," he teased. Darcy laughed, turn her face up to his again, drinking in the sight of the amused crinkles around his eyes. "I'm so glad you're safe," he whispered, turning solemn. "Fuck."
"I know," she replied, just as serious. "Something tells me that we'll probably have other opportunities in the future for thank-god-we're-alive sex." She let out a half-hearted laugh.
"Don't joke about that," he warned, expression grim.
"Sorry," she mumbled, looking down at his shoulder. Her fingers toyed with the zip of his hoodie. "It's kind of what I do. I make jokes about inappropriate stuff."
Bucky crooked a knuckle under her chin and tilted her face back up to his. "You sure you're alright?"
Darcy wasn't sure, but she wanted to ignore it, so she nodded. "What about you? What's going to happen with you?" She wasn't forgetting that Bucky was in hot water for killing the supposed S.H.I.E.L.D. agents.
"I'm not sure," he admitted, running a thumb across her cheekbone. "I've done a lot of not good stuff, doll, and so far I've gotten lucky at not facing any consequences."
Darcy wasn't going along with that. "It's not your fault Hydra is crazy and brainwashed you and forced you to do all that…not good stuff."
"No, but I still did it," he argued. Darcy sighed, she knew she wasn't going to talk him out of the self-blame. Bucky gave her a wry smile. "My luck's gonna run out sooner or later. I'm just gonna let myself enjoy the goodness while I have it."
Darcy bit her lip and smiled, the look in his eyes telling her that by goodness he meant her. Her heart fluttered, even if she didn't like the subtext that there was an unknown expiration date looming over them. Realistically, she knew the clock could run out at any moment, that was just the nature of their jobs and lives. But it wasn't going to run out that night.
Letting all the concerns drop, Darcy let Bucky take her hand and lead her to bed, cuddling up into the safety of his arms and falling asleep. She decided to take his lead for the night and enjoy the goodness while they had it.
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Bucky was awake the next morning at an ungodly hour before the sun came up. He shifted Darcy enough to wake her. She groaned and vaguely remembered him mentioning the word "running" before he dropped a kiss to her forehead and let her roll back over to snuggle into the warm space he'd left behind in her bed.
Darcyyyyyyy
"Mm'whaaat?" She complained to her pillow. Couldn't she just have five more minutes?
REMEMBER!
Darcy sat up with a gasp, fully awake. She searched frantically around the room for the voice that just shouted at her, but no one was there. Falling back again she groaned, rubbing at her eyes.
Sun was bleeding through her curtains and she stared up at the ceiling as all of her current worries—Hydra assassins, Bucky, voices in her head—came back to her, each clawing for her attention. Knowing her brain wasn't going to shut up enough to let her get anymore sleep she threw back her covers and swung her feet onto the floor.
After dressing and showering, she made her way to the common kitchen, because she was out of coffee at her own place and hopefully there may be a surprise tray of pastries waiting there as well.
"Good morning, Miss Lewis," Jarvis greeted as she stepped into the kitchen.
"Morning Jarv!" She returned, noting with glee that there was an awesome display of Danishes and bagels waiting for her consumption on the marble counter.
"Mr. Stark has taken the liberty of providing morning libations for everyone in the Tower," Jarvis informed her. "He has insisted that everyone be properly nourished for tonight's festivities."
Oh yeah. It was Pepper's birthday party that night.
"Hey Jarvis," Darcy said around a mouthful of cheese and cherry Danish, "any idea where Jane and Thor are?"
"Dr. Foster is currently in her lab and I believe the Son of Odin is currently in his own quarters," he informed her.
Darcy took her cup of coffee to-go and grabbed a few extra pastries, then headed to the elevator to the level of the Tower where Thor resided.
She knocked on his door, waving the pastries in front of him when he answered the door and let her inside. He was out of his Asgardian garb and in his usual earthbound combo of maroon t-shirt and black denim. Being a sucker for sweets, Thor was very grateful for the breakfast food, and invited her to join him at his table. Thor was perhaps the only person she knew that actually sat down to breakfast at his dining table, even if it was only sugary breakfast treats and coffee. Of course, he sat at the head of the table. Darcy chose the spot just around the corner from him.
"My most dear lightening sister," Thor smiled, delighting in the sugary confection before him. "I am honored that you have chosen to break your fast with me on this morning."
Darcy gave him an indulgent smile. "We're on Earth now Thor, you can talk to me like a normal human. No need for all the feathery court-speak."
"Of course not," Thor said, dropping his regal tone and sounding a bit more normal. "Forgive me, it is sometimes difficult to remember myself. Even in the company of friends."
Darcy couldn't imagine what it was like growing up in court as a royal, but she assumed it was pretty lonely, and required a fair bit of keeping oneself guarded. "It's cool," she said, breezing on by. "I have to be honest, I didn't come by to just hang out and eat junk food for breakfast." She leveled him with a look. "We need to talk."
"What would you like to discuss?" Thor asked.
Darcy began ticking various topics of conversation off on her fingers. "What secrets about me are you keeping from me? Why did you interuppt Heimdall when he was talking to me before we left Asgard? And why the heck do I keep hearing voices in my head now?"
The lightness in Thor dimmed and Darcy almost felt bad plying him with breakfast to get him to drop his guard. At least she'd been direct, though. He looked like he didn't want to answer any of her questions.
"It has been recently brought to my awareness that I should be less—selective—with knowledge I choose to provide," Thor admitted, looking rather berated for royalty. Darcy had to guess Jane to be the one to make him aware.
"I agree," Darcy pressed. "Especially if you know something that has to do with me. Keeping me in the dark isn't going to help."
"No, you are right, it isn't," Thor agreed. "Darcy, what do you recall from your time in the Realm of the Norn?"
She thought for a moment, trying to recall a place or a time or any useful details. "It was sort of dream like," Darcy answered, "like you're one place doing something and then you're somewhere else that is totally different, but it makes sense no matter how non-sequitar it seems." She groped for a better explanation. "Like, I was in a house, but then I was in and ocean, and I didn't think the abrupt location change seemed weird."
Thor nodded. "The Norn oft communicate within dreams or in dream-like states. They can be both malevolent or benevolent in showing visions to gods and mortals alike."
"I keep getting flashes of things," Darcy told him, "kinda like when you black out from drinking and sort of slowly remember all the cringe-y things you did the night before." Darcy shuddered, then recalled something else. "I keep hearing a voice telling me to 'remember.'"
Thor nodded thoughtfully. "It's possible that while you were in the realm of the Norn, one of them may have tried to communicate some message to you. It could be a warning or it could be some meddlesome trickery," Thor sighed. "The Fates can grow board as any other immortal being. Though they are wise in their knowledge, there are those who only seek to entertain themselves and stir trouble."
"So whatever the Norn wants me to remember could be something useful or something meant to cause drama?" Thor nodded. "To know or not to know," Darcy mumbled.
Darcy ruminated over the question, drinking her coffee, as Thor finished his third Danish. "Have you spoken to Jane since yesterday?" He asked after some silent moments had passed. "She did not come to me last night."
Darcy fought against a grin. "She's withholding sex because she's mad at you, right?"
Thor managed a wry smile for her, amused as always by her lack of filter. "It is my understanding that this is a typical custom of Midgardian women."
"Oh! I have no doubt that it is a custom of most women across the nine realms," Darcy quipped and Thor chuckled. "She's right to be mad at you, though. The two of you suck at communication, which is pretty key considering that you're in an LDR?"
Thor was confused. "El-dee-ar?"
"No, L. D. R.," Darcy repeated, tracing out the letters in the air with her fingers. "A Long Distance Relationship." She sighed and clapped a hand over his forearm that was resting on the table. "Look dude, secrets are not going to get you anywhere. At some point you're going to have to trust each other and open up. And that might mean giving away a few tidbits about space and stuff."
"I only wish to protect her," Thor argued, though with some degree of guilt.
"A woman as smart as Jane isn't going to be accepting when you're form of protection includes withholding information," Darcy chided. "If you want to protect, use those muscle-y arms to swoop in and scoop her out of the way of bad guys. Use your brawn when she can't use her brains, but don't shut her out thinking you're doing her any favors." Darcy peered at him over her glasses, fixing him with a serious look. "If Jane wants to explore a black hole that leads to another dimension or defy physics to discover a new world, she's going to do it, and no man or god is going to stop her."
"Aye," Thor said, with a fond smile. "I do appreciate her bold spirit and curious heart."
Darcy smiled. "Then buy her bold spirit and curious heart some flowers and apologize," Darcy advised. "She pretends that she doesn't like clichéd romantic gestures, but she's totally lying. Carnations are her favorite…personally I like roses. I'm into the classics."
Once the coffee and the breakfast and the heart-to-hearts were finished, Darcy decided it was time to leave. She had a party to get ready for and hopefully Bucky would be down for being her arm candy. In the back of her mind, she was remembering the previous night and his reservations and wondered if perhaps she could change his tune about taking the next step. If he wanted it to be special, she'd grab some scented candles and her most silky sheets and create a romantic playlist and seduce the hell out of him.
"As always, I thank you for your sage advice and amusing company, Darcy," Thor said as he walked her to his door.
"Anytime big guy," she returned, giving his arm a playful punch.
He paused at the door, his expression turning serious. "There is just one more thing I feel I should mention," Thor told her. "In the interest of trust I wish to share this knowledge, but I must ask that it doesn't go beyond the these walls or the confidences of Jane."
"Go on."
"The Norn were created from many different races," Thor began. "While they may have different motives behind the actions they take as individuals, as a group they seek to be unbiased, and to my knowledge it has been some thousand years since their last contact with Midgard."
"So, maybe I'm like their new Earth diplomat?" Darcy hedged.
"I fear it might not be so simple a thing," Thor replied. "When Heimdall mentioned that you may cross paths again, he meant as equals. Heimdall's power for all-sight is similar to that of the Norn. They are often in each others' confidences." Thor paused. "I fear that the Norn may one day seek to make you one of their own."
"Whoa," Darcy held up a hand. "I didn't sign up for super powers. I'm the normal one."
Thor looked sympathetic. "I am afraid that is not how it works," he replied.
"So, what does that mean?" Darcy asked, her worry increasing. "Am I being drafted? Do I have to leave Earth? Go away to camp Norn? Cause they will have to drag me kicking and screaming!"
Thor set a gentling hand upon her shoulder. "There are no sure answers," he told her. "I will find out what I can, but in the mean time, rest easy Darcy." He gave her a smile and a comforting squeeze. "I will use my brawn to protect you when your brains cannot."
Darcy recognized those words and appreciated them. "You learn fast," she complimented. "Thanks."
The idea that creepy, all-knowing witches were possibly logging into her brain without permission was just adding to the list of shit she'd rather not have to worry about. But she definitely felt better knowing that she had a powerful god-slash-prince-slash-Avenger on her side.
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Darcy wasn't in her apartment when Bucky finished his run. Jarvis informed him that she had gone to Thor's for breakfast. Bucky reckoned she'd have a few things to discuss with her Asgard friend. He'd heard her murmurs of distress and confusion throughout the night as she'd slept in his arms. Bucky watched over her, holding her tight, trying to will away whatever ghosts were plaguing her. It sounded like her brain was trying to recall whatever she'd seen when she'd been in the other dimension and hopefully Thor would be able to help with that, so Bucky would give the two some space to talk, even though he was anxious to see Darcy again.
All throughout his run, his mind kept circling back to the moment he'd watched her fly through the portal. He kept having to remind himself that she was okay, that against all odds she'd survived. Her returned really did happen the day before, it wasn't just his brain creating an imagined scenario for her survival because he couldn't deal with the thought of her being gone.
Bucky punched in the code to his apartment and listened to the lock release and grant him admittance. He was famished and sweaty and all he wanted was food and a shower. He was trying to decide which need was taking priority when he rounded into his kitchen and spotted Steve sitting at the island counter, a serious look on his face.
"I was looking for you," Steve said, explaining his presence.
"I went for a run," Bucky replied. If Steve wanted to find him, it would have been easy enough. Jarvis was required to monitor him at all times, he was currently on house arrest at the Tower, and Steve was allowed access to his apartments at all times. Bucky had no true privacy.
Steve wasn't just looking for him, he wanted to corner him.
"I stopped by last night to talk about Miss Lewis' story about those S.H.I.E.L.D. agents," Steve continued.
"I was with Darcy," Bucky replied, crossing to the fridge and yanking it open. He had a feeling he knew where this was going.
"How long has that been going on?" Yep, it was going exactly where he thought it was going. He ignored Steve, pulling out the orange juice that Darcy had delivered weekly for him and drinking it straight from the carton. "Since we went to Berkeley?"
"Before that," Bucky answered, wiping his mouth and setting the juice on the carton. Steve had a pinched look of disapproval on his face. "What are you? My mother now?"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because maybe I wanted to avoid this conversation."
"Because you knew I would tell you it's a bad idea," Steve assessed. Bucky looked away. "Bucky, I'm sure she's a nice girl, but it's not something you need to be worrying about right now. You should be concentrating on getting better."
"Now you sound like my therapist," Bucky groused.
"Well someone has to look out for you," Steve retorted.
"That's the fuckin' problem, Stevie. Everyone is always looking out for me." Bucky stepped toward him. "I've got my therapist and Sam constantly checking in in case I've had an episode. I've got Natasha, Barton, and Stark keeping one eye on me in case I snap. I've got a computer monitoring my every move in case I go rogue. And I've got you constantly watching me like you expect me to fall to pieces at any moment!" He ran a rough hand through his hair, forgetting that he'd tied it back, and yanking at the knot. "Jesus, Steve. The only person to treat me like a human in the past seventy years and not some caged animal is Darcy."
Bucky watched Steve flinched, ready to deny that he'd treated Bucky differently, but deep down it wasn't true. Everyone had regarded him almost like an injured or feral animal.
"We just want you to be okay…" Steve insisted. Bucky hated the wounded look on his face.
"I know that, but…I'll never be who or what I was," Bucky told him, "and I can't put off my life while I try to figure out who I am now. Darcy's been a big part of that."
"And she's also been the reason behind some of your biggest episodes in the past few months," Steve countered. "You don't think I haven't realized how you almost broke down after Berkeley. And you completely mishandled the situation in Norway."
"I was trying to save our asses!" Bucky yelled.
"You lost your mind after Lewis flew into that portal!"
"Wouldn't you?" Bucky shot back. "If it were Peggy or some girl you loved, wouldn't you lose it too?"
Steve's eyes flashed, warning Bucky away from the topic of Peggy. Bucky knew he wasn't gaining any points by bringing up the past. Steve might live there in his head sometimes, but he certainly didn't want to ever talk about it.
"She's not a part of this," Steve said, "Darcy Lewis isn't a part of our world. She's just a kid, she hasn't seen what we've seen, and she can walk away at any time. She still has the choice to live a normal life." Steve's eyes turned sad. "I would give anything to go back and change things for us, Buck. The girl and the family and our kids growing up together, I would give anything for that to be our lives anymore, but it's just not in the cards."
Bucky huffed out a humorless laugh. "You don't think I know that, Steve? You don't think I don't think about that? That I don't think about how this all will and won't end for me? Can't I enjoy some happiness where I can find it?"
"Of course you can," Steve raised his hands in a placating gesture. "I just don't want to see you disappointed if she can't...deal."
"With me?"
Steve shook his head. "That's not what I'm saying."
"Then what are you—" Steve gave him a meaningful look and Bucky finally got it. His chest felt like it was caving in, understanding the point that Steve was dancing around. "You think I'll hurt her."
"Buck—"
"No," Bucky said, cutting off whatever excuse Steve was about to toss at him, "let's hear what you really think. You think I'm going to go psycho and kill her don't you?" Steve looked hurt, but Bucky didn't care anymore. If his own best friend barely had faith in him, then what was the point? He groped for a defense, but suddenly, he was coming up short on the high ground.
Darcy's safety wasn't something that Bucky could guarantee. He couldn't make the promise that he wouldn't ever go berserk and hurt her or anyone else. If Hydra somehow got ahold on him again, Darcy could be in real danger. If they could convince Bucky to kill Steve, they could convince him to kill anyone.
"I don't want to be the bad guy, Bucky," Steve said gently, "but I don't want anyone getting hurt. You most of all."
"I care about her," Bucky replied, feeling small. "What am I supposed to do?"
Steve opened his mouth, but didn't get a chance to respond. There was a crash in the other room and a muttered "fuck" before they heard the door. Both men rushed to investigate.
"Jarvis," Steve called, "who was just here?"
Jarvis replied, "That was Miss Lewis, sir. I'm afraid she's been eavesdropping for the past ten minutes."
Bucky knew before Jarvis confirmed, but his hope still sunk. He hadn't wanted her to hear any of their conversation, especially the last part, when he dared to voice the doubt of everything happening between them.
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I've made up some of my own head canons for Norse mythology in this, so hopefully that doesn't bug any Norse Boffins reading this too much.
I'm a little nervous at how some of you might react to Steve being such a dick in this...just to be clear I love Steve Rogers and I want to hug him. I think he's a little bit self righteous at times and in this fic he's definitely got some issues and is projecting a little bit of his own issues and insecurities on Bucky. It happens...people are human...but don't worry, there's room for growth and resolution!
Thanks so much to anyone who is still reading or who has popped back into this fic! I appreciate the support! It's been a bit of a rough couple months, anyone who wants to know can check in with me on Tumblr!
Love you guys! Be good to one another!