Yes, I am alive. Just thought I'd get that out of the way, lel.
Anyways, my apologies for the extended delay in releasing this chapter. It definitely took longer than I wanted to, but a variety of factors got in the way. I'm trying my absolute best to write quickly, but I've said it before and I'll say it again: if I don't like the direction the chapter's going in, then I won't release it until I'm satisfied, no matter how long it takes. It's as simple as that.
I'm sorry if it feels like I keep pounding this message in, but I feel obligated to do so every time it takes me longer than I'd like to write a chapter. Better to be safe than sorry, I guess.
Okay, that's about all I've got to say, really. On with the story.
Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe. Steven Universe is owned by Rebecca Sugar.
Present
"Thoughts"
Author's Note
"Another day, another failed attempt at visiting Steven... ugh."
Connie angrily cracked her knuckles as she slowly trekked down the beach, her face downcast and her head held low. Each footstep left a bigger and bigger indentation in the sand, as if she was starting to stomp. She was.
Under normal circumstances, she didn't like being so negative, but her discouragement was reaching a boiling point; it was beginning to feel like trying to contact Steven was a fool's errand with each successive trip to Beach City. It didn't matter what day or time she showed up on his doorstep, he was never there, never. He never answered his phone, either. Her glum attitude had reached the point where she hadn't even bothered to try and seek him out the previous week.
"Yet here I am..."
Connie released an exasperated sigh as she approached the door of the car wash. She knew, since it was farther away, that visiting the temple first would be a waste of time; asking Mr. Universe if Steven was around first would save her about a half hour when he inevitably says no.
As she stepped on the front porch, the doorbell beckoned. With one final effort, she forced her hand to move towards it.
She pressed the button.
"Never again?"
"Never again. At least, not for a few years. And even then... probably not."
Peridot stifled a strange desire to throw her visor at Mr. Dad Universe as he shot down her hopes and dreams of driving the van for the tenth time in the past few minutes. She couldn't understand where his insistence on not letting her try it again was coming from; she had apologized many times for the past incident. What was the problem here?
"Look, I said I was sorry! I've even said it more than once! Besides, that... 'little accident' happened years ago. Let me drive the car."
"It was a week ago, stop exaggerating," said Greg, a grin creeping up on him. "And my answer is still no. I just got the tire and battery repaired, and I don't need them broken again."
"But-" Just as Peridot was about to inevitably come up with some witty comeback, a ringing noise erupted throughout the house. Greg breathed a sigh of relief as he experienced the sweet relief of the term "saved by the bell."
"Oh, that must be Steven operating the alert mechanism he showed me! I'll see him inside," she said as she stood up. Greg felt a bead of sweat trickle down his forehead. So much for that thought.
"Peridot wait, I only dropped him off a little while ago, there's no way he'd be—"
His words fell on deaf ears. She had already left the garage.
"Oh dear..."
Peridot jogged to the door. She couldn't one hundred percent confirm it was him as she looked out the window in her haste to reach the opening, but she could still tell whatever out there was small. It was probably him.
She smiled as she reached for the handle, catching her breath. "Welcome back, Steven," she said as she pulled the door open.
Connie's eyes grew as wide as dinner plates, a gesture quickly mirrored by the mystery person at the door. Her mind raced.
"What the-why is-how did-wait... slow down a second. Triangle... green... DEFINITELY not from around here... that means—"
"It's you... you're that GEM! The one Steven told me about!"
The other gem's eyebrows shot upwards at this statement. "Wait, Steven? How do you know him? Are you a human accomplice of his?!"
Connie angrily shook her head, a twinge of regret coursing through her as she realized she didn't have a sword with her. "Doesn't matter! What DOES matter... wait a minute. What are you doing at his father's car wash? Have you taken them hostage or something? What's your plan?!"
With an angry roar erupting from her throat, Connie barged into the doorway, in a desperate attempt to tackle the green triangle head to the ground. With a small shriek and scream hybrid, the enemy gem scurried away from the door and turned around to run into the hallway. Instead, all she got was a head-on collision with Greg, sending them both tumbling to the floor.
"Agh! Peridot, watch it! What's going on over here?"
"Mr. Universe! You're okay!"
Greg rubbed his brand-new, rather sizable lump on his head as he slowly picked himself up off the floor, assisting Peridot as well. "Connie? What are you doing here?"
"I was coming to ask if you know where Steven is. But never mind that, don't you know who that gem is?!"
Greg glanced at Peridot. She almost looked like she was shaking, an action all but confirmed when she grabbed the wall for support.
"Um, Peridot?"
"So that's her name..." thought Connie. "Mr. Universe, don't you know she's dangerous? 'Peridot' was the one who piloted that hand ship thingy to Beach City! Steven and the Crystal Gems have been looking for her for months now!"
Greg nervously chuckled as he rubbed the back of his head. "Um, yeah, about that..." He stared into Connie's face, her eyes wide and unmoving, a frown frozen in place. He knew there was only one road to go down. "I'll leave out the part about Steven running away..."
"Look... let me explain."
Amethyst blinked. She almost couldn't believe his question was serious.
"Did I ever feel... that Pearl and Garnet's fight was my fault? Why would I? Something doesn't add up..."
"No, Steven, I never felt that way. Why do you—" She froze. She already knew.
"... Did you?"
Steven's gaze didn't move from the floor as he slowly nodded. Amethyst felt her breath catch.
"Is this what's been bothering him the whole time? That he feels responsible? Why?"
"Steven, why would you think Garnet and Pearl's fight was YOUR fault? You didn't do anything wrong, where did you even get that idea?"
Steven placed his hands on the back of his head, using his arms to block his peripheral vision of her. "Don't you remember?"
"Remember what?"
"At the hub! I was the one who told Garnet about Pearl fixing the tower. I told her, Amethyst! I'm... I'm the reason they got really mad at each other..."
Steven lightly shook his head as he wiped his eyes, hanging his head unusually low. Amethyst sighed and pursed her lips.
Deep down, she had to admit he did have a point. Now that her memory of the whole incident at the communications hub was jogged, she could vividly recall every detail. And it was indeed Steven who spilled the beans. He was the one who said to Pearl that she needed to confess. Out loud.
But there was more than that. His memory was a little faulty, too.
"I doubt he remembers that I was the one who yelled for them to stop... otherwise they would've just formed Sardonyx and destroyed the hub again..." thought Amethyst as her eyes darted to the still form of the young boy. "If anything, it's MY fault..."
Amethyst shook her head. Even though the thought just crossed her mind and fermented, she knew the feud wasn't her fault. It wasn't Steven's fault. It wasn't even Garnet's, although she certainly didn't help to end the tension later on.
It was Pearl's.
While Amethyst didn't like to throw her friend under the bus the way she was, even in her thoughts, there wasn't any way around the inescapable truth. It was Pearl who fixed the tower, not once, but TWICE. All for the sake of fusing with Garnet, so she could feel more powerful. More complete.
She manipulated Garnet. She manipulated fusion, and everything it was supposed to be. Doing either of those wasn't a wise idea with the leader of the Crystal Gems around.
Besides, she would've found out on her own.
Amethyst knew keeping secrets from Garnet was practically impossible, ESPECIALLY if they related to business important to the team. Sure, they were able to keep Secret Team under wraps for a little while, but she found out. And she also would've found out about Pearl fixing the hub at one point or another, regardless if they directly told her or not.
"To be honest, it's probably better we told her... if she found out by herself and we weren't there to calm her down, who knows what she would've done? Pearl couldn't have possibly hoped to take an angry Garnet in a fight..."
Amethyst gently slapped the top of her head, a feeling of foolishness quickly overwhelming her. There wasn't any point in dwelling on the past anymore. The feud was in the past. It was over.
Now she just had to convince Steven of all that.
"Steven..."
The boy didn't move. He had apparently adopted a face-down position on the bed at some point, and he failed to stir at the mention of his name. Amethyst sighed as she crawled to the center of the mattress, to his resting form; even if he was a little different nowadays, it would be a very Steveny thing to fall asleep during their little chat. She gently flipped him on his back to make sure.
"Let's see, eyes closed, red crease marks all over his face... yep, kiddo's out of it."
With a small laugh escaping her lips, Amethyst gently shook him awake, patiently waiting for him to snap out of dream world. A smile crossed her face as his eyelids slowly opened. "Hey, sleepy-head..."
"Ugh..." mumbled Steven, shaking his head as he rubbed the drowsiness out of his eyes. "Per... oh. Um... Amethyst, did I fall asleep?"
"You sure did," she laughed. "I don't blame you, though, you've had a rough day. How are you feeling?"
Steven fell back into the mattress as he spread his arms to both sides. "Pretty good, I guess... better than a little while ago."
Amethyst's smile slid off her face as she locked her hands together, anxiously twiddling her thumbs. "Good, I'm glad," she said, a small frown betraying her lips. "This is going to be more difficult than I thought..."
"Hey... Steven?"
"What?"
Amethyst looked at the ceiling. She couldn't find it in her to make eye contact.
"Well... look. I'm not going to beat around the bush. I'm sorry I have to bring this up again, but what happened at the hub—"
Steven's face adopted a crestfallen look at the mention of the memory. "Amethyst, please, can we just—"
"Steven, I can tell you're still bothered by what happened that day, and you're not going to get any better until you get it off your chest. Please, just... let me help you, okay?"
Steven blinked.
"Whoa... when has Amethyst been this, you know... mature? Jeez, I sound like Pearl right now..."
"... Fine. I guess it can't hurt to talk a little... but only a little."
Amethyst smiled, scooching next to him on the mattress and taking a seat. "Thank you."
For the next minute or so, an admittedly awkward silence fell upon the room, with neither gem entirely sure where to begin. Finally, Amethyst decided to take the initiative.
"Steven... can I ask you something?"
Steven sighed, leaning back into the mattress. "Yes?"
"Why do you think it's your fault?"
Steven squinted, a frown spreading across his face as he shook his head. "Why? We already talked about this. I told Garnet at the hub that Pearl was fixing it, so she could fuse with her."
"That's not quite it... do you remember what happened just before that?"
Steven put a hand to his chin. "Um... not really? Why?"
"Well... they were doing their fusion dance. They were just about to finish when I yelled for them to stop," sighed Amethyst. "If I didn't do that, then they would've just fused and destroyed the tower again..."
Steven's eyes bulged. "Is... is that true?! But then that would mean—"
"Steven." The boy's mind immediately cut itself off.
"You need to realize something. It's not your fault the fight happened. It's not my fault, either. We didn't fix the hub. Pearl did."
Steven crossed his arms and broke eye contact, turning his attention to the mattress. "I know that... but still, there's just this—"
"There's nothing," interrupted Amethyst yet again. "Pearl started the fight, and... well, she pretty much ended it, too. But it wasn't me, and it certainly wasn't you that started it. Stop beating yourself up over it!"
Steven ground his teeth. He quickly felt himself losing control again, his fist tightening to the point where his knuckles turned white.
"Stop beating myself up over it? You know what—"
"Stop beating myself up over it?" he repeated, out loud this time. "How can I? Seeing how I had a whole month ALL to myself to be angry! Why change things now?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You know EXACTLY what I'm talking about! It took me a month to choose to run away! What do you think happened during that time, huh?"
Amethyst looked away as her mind sped through the not so distant past. It didn't take her long to realize what he was referring to. "Nothing..."
Steven took a deep breath upon hearing her answer, his fingers releasing their death locks on his palm at last. "Yeah... nothing. Nothing at all."
"Amethyst, you have no idea. Everyone went quiet, including you. Nobody cared about what anyone else was going through, and I'm guilty of that too, I admit it. But still, I mean, what if you chose to run away instead of me? I wouldn't have had any way of knowing what was going on with you. Garnet wouldn't have known, and Pearl wouldn't have known either, because nobody would talk to each other!
And you know what else? It's... it's hard to live in a place like that. It really is."
Steven paused to gauge her reaction. She didn't move.
But her mind still ran full speed..
"He's... he's right. We did kind of just ignore him... especially me. I wasn't directly part of the fight, so I didn't have a reason to just forget about him..."
"Steven... I'm sorry."
Steven frowned.
"Yeah, BIG help. You only care because I just brought it up. You're just sorry because—"
"I'm sorry for how I acted towards you. I... I should've realized something wasn't right with you way earlier than I did. It's not like I was fighting with Pearl and Garnet. I should've helped you, instead of, well, you know... disappearing. I made things worse..."
As Amethyst's voice trailed off, the room fell silent. Steven said nothing. At least, not verbally.
"... I have to know."
He cleared his throat. "Amethyst... do you really mean that?"
After a moment of hesitation, Amethyst nodded. "Steven, it's like you said in the note, isn't it? Teams work together to overcome problems. And we haven't really been a team in a while."
Steven took a deep breath. She smiled.
"But we're helping each other now, aren't we?"
Now he blinked. He secretly hoped she didn't notice him trembling.
Amethyst patiently waited for him to say something. When it became clear after a few moments he didn't have any intention of doing so, she decided to continue. "But Steven... there's something I want you to know."
Steven felt his lip quiver, his vocal chords stubbornly refusing to make a sound. He could already feel himself losing control again. He forced his hand to make a waving motion to signal for her to keep going.
Amethyst smiled again. "I want you to know, because it doesn't quite seem to me that you do... the fight isn't happening. It happened. It's over. You don't need to be mad at yourself for it anymore... it's okay."
That was it.
With a loud, forced gasp shattering the tranquil of the room (as well as startling Amethyst), Steven fell face first into the bed sheets, the floodgates opening wide as his tears quickly drenched the covers. He had to force himself to breathe.
Startled by his surprising reaction, Amethyst's mouth fell agape as she crawled to his side, concern etching her face as she looked on his sobbing form with sympathy. And yet, for the third time that afternoon, she allowed a small, sheepish smile to spread across her face. This time, however, it was a smile of satisfaction. Satisfaction that maybe, just maybe, she helped him lay his demons to rest.
Once and for all.
Steven wanted to scream.
No matter which angle he looked at the situation, he felt like a fool. The tears were openly flowing from his eyes, that much was obvious to anyone. But that wasn't the worst part: the most excruciating torture was that he didn't want to cry. The feud had taught him to hate showing weakness in front of anyone, with the sole exception of Peridot.
And yet, here he was. Bawling his eyes out in front of Amethyst.
He tried to lift his head, to see for himself just how she would respond to his reaction. Would she leave him to his storm? Laugh? What was going through her mind as she watched him, crumpled and weak?
He didn't have to wait long. All of his speculation came to a crashing stop as he felt a hand on his back, gently rubbing circles. Through his muffled sniffling, he could hear a faint voice, repeating itself over and over again. "It's okay, Steven..."
The boy responded with a few soft whimpers. And a smile. Even though she couldn't see it.
"You know... maybe she's right..."
Finally, after several minutes of much of the same, Steven wiped his eyes with one arm as he slowly picked himself off the mattress. As soon as he sat upright, his gaze turned to Amethyst, her form still and unmoving, her gentle palm on his back withstanding. He could tell she was waiting for him to say something, anything that was on his mind. He gulped.
"Um... Amethyst?"
"Yes, Steven?"
Steven paused, allowing himself a deep breath. He thought carefully about what to say next.
And he already knew exactly what to do next.
"Listen, do you mind if... well..." his mind began to race as he fumbled for the right words to say. "I've gotten a lot of practice at this recently, so..."
He didn't need to talk.
With one final drop escaping his eye as he blinked, Steven crawled close to Amethyst. Just as she opened her mouth to question, he put any doubt to rest by wrapping her in his arms, capturing her in his embrace. Their equal height allowed him to rest his head on her shoulder, as he squeezed his arms tighter around her. He could feel her tense up at the contact, a light gasp escaping her throat.
"Thank you..."
That was all it took for her. As if he uttered the magic words, he could feel her loosen in his arms. Her eyes slowly fell shut as she breathed a content sigh. Her smile returned with a vengeance.
Steven could feel her pull him closer, her grip locking him tight. He didn't object.
"It sure gave us a fight, didn't it?"
"It put up minor resistance, I'll give it that. But we had the situation in hand."
As the light of the temple's warp pad dissipated into oblivion, Pearl stepped off the device and cracked her neck. A quick glance around the house revealed nobody was on the first floor, aside from Garnet taking a seat on the couch to her right.
"Amethyst? Are you in Steven's room again? We told you to stay out of there," she said as she entered the foyer. Rather than waiting for an answer, she decided to look up there herself: the gem she was looking for was indeed sitting on his bed, along with—
"Steven?!"
The sight of his familiar red shirt in Amethyst's arms immediately sent Pearl's senses into overdrive, all other thoughts forgotten as she ran up the stairs. She could vaguely sense Garnet following close behind.
"What the... Amethyst, what's happening here? Is Steven okay?"
Amethyst lifted her head and stared into the eyes of her concerned friend, her smile finally fading. "Gee, what timing..."
"It's fine, Pearl. Steven decided to pay us a little visit today."
Garnet readjusted her shades, her top eye squinting at the scene. "But why is he—"
"We've been having a bit of a tough day, all right? But we're going to be okay..." "We're going to be just fine..."
Pearl put a hand to her chin, rubbing the other through her hair. She didn't understand what had happened here while they were away, but she knew it wouldn't be a particularly wise idea to ask questions. How would Steven react? From what she could tell, he was upset over something, and she didn't want to risk potentially aggravating the problem. He didn't seem particularly happy to see her the last time they met.
Amethyst eyed her friend for a few extra moments, gauging what she was thinking about. After deciding that nothing of note was about to come from her, she turned her attention back to the child in her arms.
At least, until he shifted in position.
All three gems stopped cold as Steven broke off his long running hug, slowly swiveling around on the spot to face the two new entrants in the room. Nobody dared to say anything.
Steven looked at Pearl. She felt every fiber of her being freeze.
"Pearl..."
Without another word, he hopped off the bed and slowly walked to the feet of the taller gem, coming to a halt. The sense of anticipation was practically suffocating her.
"What is he—"
She didn't have enough time to finish. Her mind went blank as she felt his arms grab her.
Garnet's mouth fell into an O shape, all three of her eyes gaping wide behind her shades. Amethyst smiled at the sight.
"I'm sorry..."
The words seemed to echo throughout the room. It was a vague term, really; he hadn't explained what he was apologizing about, or even to necessarily whom. But he didn't need to explain. They knew.
They all knew.
With a motherly feeling long forgotten overwhelming her, Pearl slowly kneeled to be at eye level with the young boy. The child broke off his grip and took a step back as her face came into view. He couldn't help but notice the newly formed streaks starting at her eyes.
"Steven..."
She couldn't wait any longer.
With one decisive swoop, she grabbed him in her arms, her grip tightening on him like that prized treasure he was. Having him in her arms was a feeling she desperately longed for, yet had all but forgotten. No more.
And it felt that much sweeter when he returned the embrace.
"Thank you..."
"... And that's kind of why I've been down in the dumps about it."
Garnet gently wrapped her arm around Steven's shoulder as he finished his lecture, both gems leaning back into the couch accordingly. Amethyst and Pearl gazed at him with careful interest, both gems processing the information they had just been given (though Amethyst already knew most of it).
"But why? Steven, why on Earth would you think our... disagreement was YOUR fault?" asked Pearl incredulously, shaking her head. "You had absolutely no responsibility. It was all on us."
"I'm inclined to agree with Pearl," piped in Garnet. "That was our battle, started by us, and us alone. There was no fault of your own."
"I mean, I guess I know that now," said Steven, touching the tips of his index fingers together. "But back when it started, it was pretty rough, you know? I felt guilty because I said Pearl had been fixing the hub, and I said it right in front of you, Garnet."
Garnet looked down at the boy and smiled. "Steven, I would've found out sooner or later. I can assure you, none of this was your fault."
Steven couldn't stop a chuckle from escaping. "You know, Amethyst said the exact same thing, about the whole 'find out on your own' thing." He looked at her from the far end of the couch, his efforts rewarded with a smile from the purple gem.
"Of course, that wasn't the only reason you left us on that note..." said Pearl, only to quickly cover her mouth. She immediately felt a sense of regret stemming from the words escaping her vocal chords; she desperately wanted to avoid aggravating any sense of resentment from him. "... Which I'm sorry for leaving in your room, by the way. That was a foolish mistake on my part."
Steven smiled again. "It's okay, Pearl. But you don't have to worry. Garnet and I already had a little chat about the whole 'mom's gem' thing."
Garnet gave Steven a pat on the back. "Yes, we did... Steven." He looked up, into her steely shades. She took them off, revealing her eyes to him for the first time since the Kindergarten. He could see her gaze soften.
"Just to be positive you know for sure... none of us only see you as your mother. We love you because you're you."
Steven looked into her eyes for a moment. It didn't take very long for him to smile. "Yep..."
Without another sound, he leaned into the side of the fused gem, allowing her to pull him close. Pearl and Amethyst looked at each other with expressions of both relief and happiness; no words needed to be exchanged.
To the four of them, they could almost feel a peaceful silence envelop the room. Nobody dared to speak, for fear of shattering the moment. And for fear of breaking the serenity that had fallen on not just the conversation, but the Crystal Gems.
It was the light after the dark. The forgiveness after all the pain and hardship. And nobody could bring themselves to interrupt it.
At least, nobody in the house.
With a rather loud bang, the front entrance of the house burst open, without so much as a knock. There, in the doorframe, stood Greg, a rather impatient look dominating his expression. He glanced at the four gems crowded on the couch.
"... Am I interrupting something?"
Steven leaned forward, releasing an exasperated sigh. "Um... hey Dad. I thought you said you wouldn't come pick me up until I called you."
Greg nodded. "Yeah, about that... I know I'm going back on my word, but I think you need to come back to the car wash."
"Why? Did something happen?"
"Well... kind of. You see, Connie's been waiting for you at the wash for more than an hour. I left her there to come get you."
Steven's eyes bulged. "Wait... you left her ALONE with—"
Greg held out his hand to cut his son short. "Steven, it's okay. She and our... guest became friends faster than I thought they would. After a little explaining. Don't worry, I left out the whole 'running away thing,'" he chuckled as he rubbed the back of his head.
"Peridot..." mumbled Steven under his breath. With a strange hesitancy, he glanced at Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst—all three didn't look particularly happy at the mention of their "guest." "Hmmm..."
"Steven? Are you coming or not?"
Steven subtly shook his head to snap himself out of his thoughts, taking care to make sure it wasn't visible. "Yeah, I'm coming..."
"Good. I'll be waiting in the van." Greg turned around and walked down the porch steps, Steven following close behind his footsteps as he jumped down from the couch. Just before he walked out the open door, however, he turned around.
"So, um... I'll visit again in a few days. Will you have me?"
Pearl smiled as she put her hands together. "Of course we will, Steven." She wasn't alone in her sentiment; Amethyst gave him a big grin and a thumbs-up. "Come on over any time, little man."
Steven smiled. He turned to walk out the door.
"Steven!"
He stopped. Slowly, his gaze turned to the source of the voice. Garnet.
"... Yes?"
The fused gem paused for a moment. Steven anxiously tapped his foot once or twice. What was she waiting for?
And then, as if it was a gesture coming full circle, she smiled. As well as moving her hands into a little heart.
"We love you."
Yeah, I know I took the scene from When It Rains in the ending right there. It was too good to resist.
Well, there we are. I'm not guaranteeing anything, but I'll try my hardest to get the next chapter out quicker. Thanks for being patient with me.
Have a nice day.