Chapter 21

BPOV

Sometime around noon, I woke up and stumbled out of the airplane cabin I had been sleeping so soundly in. I found Alice flipping through the pages of several fashion magazines, and Edward was leaning back in the seat across from her. Although his eyes were closed, he didn't have that peaceful look of someone deep in slumber. I quietly started to approach them. Before I had even taken two steps, his eyes snapped open, and he straightened up in his seat.

"Hey, did you get enough rest?" he asked, causing Alice to look up and give me a small smile.

"Yeah, that bed's pretty comfortable," I replied, motioning to the room I'd just vacated. "I'm surprised I slept as long as I did though."

He nodded and said, "You needed the rest, but it's good you finally woke up. We're just about ready to land." He held his hand out to me and added, "Come here. You should probably take a seat."

I sat down beside Edward and rested my head on his shoulder. He reached over, taking my hand in his, and intertwined our fingers. I gave his hand a slight squeeze as a silent thank you.

Alice started packing her magazines away and spoke up, " This sure beats the crappy commercial flight we took a couple weeks ago. Doesn't it, Bella?"

I looked around at the plush interior of the plane. The seats were more like two long leather couches facing one another. There were eight seats in one row and six in the other. They each reclined and had seatbelts, moveable armrests with drink holders, and fold down tables. The carpeting was plush and deep burgundy in color. There was a bedroom and bathroom at one end and a large flat screen and a mini bar on the opposite end. I also noticed there was soft music filtering through a surround sound speaker system.

I chuckled, realizing that the inside of the plane was almost nicer than my apartment. "Definitely. I could get use to traveling like this," I replied without really thinking the comment through. I didn't mean for it to sound like I was expecting this kind of treatment in the future.

Edward noticed my embarrassment and chuckled before whispering in my ear, "Good thing your boyfriend's company owns the plane then."

I blushed and started to stammer out some sort of response when he interrupted my words with a quick kiss to my lips. "Come on. The plane just landed. Let's get going," he said, tugging on my hand as he stood up.

I followed him to the exit door with Alice right behind me. Edward pushed a button by the door and waited until a green light illuminated the small box above it. Then he pulled on the handle, and the door started raising up. A ground crew had already secured a set of steps for us, and a black Mercedes SUV was parked right outside.

We followed Edward to the car, and a stocky man in a suit handed him the keys. He signed something on the small clipboard presented to him and quickly passed it back. The man nodded, voiced a respectful 'thank you, sir', and walked off toward one of the buildings by the airport.

Edward opened the passenger door for me and the back door for Alice. "You two go ahead and get in. I'll get our things," he directed. Then he pushed a button on the key ring which opened the back hatch. Two of the ground crew members helped him transfer our bags from the plane to the car.

Edward hopped into the driver's seat and headed toward the access lane for the main highway. "Okay, so which way to your dad's house?" he asked me.

I glanced at the road signs and answered, "Take a left here and go south on the highway for a while. I'll call my dad and let him know we're on our way."

After I got off the phone with my dad, the realization of what we were here to do hit me like a ton of bricks. I was crying hysterically into my hands when I felt the car slow down and pull over on the shoulder of the highway.

Edward shut the engine off and positioned himself leaning towards me. He pulled me close to his chest and cradled my head in the crook of his neck. In a soft, reassuring voice he tried to comfort me, "Shhh, it's okay, baby. Everything's gonna be okay. You're gonna make it through this; I promise."

Alice leaned over the seat and squeezed my shoulder, joining Edward's attempt to comfort me. "Edward's right, Bella. You're gonna make it through this. We're both here for you."

I melted into Edward's embrace, letting their words wash over me. I felt safe, loved, and…wanted. Things I couldn't associate with the memories of my mother. I shut my eyes tightly and took several shuddering deep breaths.

"Dad just left the funeral home. He said she looked good. I don't know how he's holding himself together. I don't think I could have done it. I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it tomorrow. I don't want to see her," I rambled, shaking my head.

Alice strung together her own ramblings, saying, "I don't think I would want to see her again either…dead or alive. After all, she was the one who abandoned you and your dad all those years ago. She hurt you both, leaving with basically no explanation at all. Leaving no way to contact her if you had wanted to. And now…you're expected to honor her memory…her life. I couldn't do it. But you can, Bella. You're so much more forgiving and understanding than I am. You love her even though you hate her. You need this chance to say goodbye. You're strong enough to get through this. And during the times you're not…we'll be strong for you." She gave my shoulder one more squeeze and leaned over even more to kiss the top of my head.

I reluctantly straightened up, out of Edward's embrace. Rubbing my eyes, I acknowledged my feelings. "God, Alice. Everything you just said…it's like you pulled those thoughts right out of my head. I don't want to do this, but I have to. I'm just so angry right now. I've spent the last eighteen years trying to figure out why she left and coming up with no answers. It's like she's done it to me all over again. Only this time, it's definitely permanent. She's gone…and I'll never have those answers. I really want to yell at her more than anything right now."

This time Edward spoke up, "Bella, there's no rule that says funerals have to be a peaceful mourning. They are a chance for you to grieve in your own way…to make peace with your feelings. If you want to yell, then yell. If you want to cry, I'll be here to catch your tears. If you want to get up and leave halfway through, I'll be right behind you. Just know that you're not alone. No one expects this to be a normal 'laying to rest'. You'll find a way to deal with this and be there to support your dad. Everyone else will be there to support you…whatever you need."

I laughed nervously. "You two couldn't be more perfect right now. I don't know how you both know exactly what I need to hear, but thank you."

Edward wiped a few tears from my face and studied me for a moment before reaching for the ignition. "Are you ready yet?" he asked.

I wanted to say no, but I took a deep breath and nodded instead. For the next several minutes, my mind went over the supportive words and actions of my friends as we headed towards my old home. I realized I hadn't even expressed my gratitude yet. And Edward…god, how would I have been able to do any of this without him. He completely took charge and made every arrangement that I wasn't capable of in my half comatose state. And all at his own expense. I wasn't rich, though I did have a little extra money set aside. I'm not even sure I would have been able to afford all of the last minute plans that were necessary to get me back to Forks in time. I knew there was no way I could pay him back for the private plane ride, but I could definitely cover the cost of a rental car. Granted, it was a much nicer rental than I would have reserved, but it wasn't fair to have him pay for it.

I cleared my throat and started to speak. "Both of you have really gone out of your way for me. I just wanted to say thank you. Alice, you didn't have to take time off work to come back here with me, but I'm glad you did. Thanks. And Edward, you've done so much. I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you, but at least let me give you the money for this rental. It really isn't fair for you to have to cover all of my expenses. The private flight was more than helpful. Thank you."

Edward spared a brief glance at me, then trained his eyes back on the road while he said, "Bella, remember last night when we talked about wanting to take care of someone even when they didn't want us to?" I nodded, and he continued, "Well, I want to help. Let me."

I didn't want to argue; so I left it at that, making a mental note to figure out a way to pay him back later.

About half an hour later, we pulled into Dad's driveway. Alice and I were getting out of the car, and Edward was unloading our bags from the back of the SUV when Dad walked out to greet us.

"I'm glad you all made the trip safely," he called out to everyone before rushing over to envelope me in a hug. "How're you holding up, Bells?"

"I'm okay, Dad. How are you doing?"

"Fine, honey. It's been quite a mess getting everything organized so fast, but I got it done. Now, I know this little ball of fire," he gestured to Alice, "but why don't you introduce me to your other companion, Bells?"

Edward stopped dealing with our bags and stepped over to meet my dad, offering a hand for him to shake.

"Dad, this is my boyfriend, Edward. Edward, this is my dad, Charlie," I introduced.

"Hi, Edward. It's good to finally meet you. Thanks for making sure Bella got out here okay," he said, taking Edward's hand and shaking it.

"The pleasure's all mine, sir," Edward responded.

"No 'sir' necessary, Edward. After all you've done to help, you've earned the right to call me Charlie. Now, let me help you with those bags."

After they carried our things upstairs, we all took a seat in the living room. Alice and Dad filled the air with small talk about work, which lasted less than ten minutes. Then Dad initiated conversation with Edward. They talked about sports, fishing, and business - all safe subjects before the personal interrogation began.

Dad must have been feeling generous because he steered away from potentially uncomfortable subjects such as Edward's playboy reputation in the tabloids, the story behind Bethany's mom, and Edward's 'intentions' with me. Mostly, he asked about his education, family, and his musical hobby. If the circumstance behind their initial meeting had been different, I'm sure Dad would have been more blunt about asking the questions he really wanted the answers to.

Edward remained calm and confident discussing his life, but I could tell he was a little nervous by the way he occasionally ran his hands through his hair, causing it to stick up in different directions. The way he talked about Jellybean made me smile. I knew he didn't like being so far away from her, and I was actually missing her a lot myself. Her sweet little face always warmed my heart.

Once the conversation died down, Alice and Edward offered to go pick up something for dinner from the diner. After they were gone, Dad and I had our awkward conversation.

Dad cleared his throat and started, "Uh, I know these things usually happen in two parts: the viewing the night before and the actual funeral, but I didn't see the need in going through it all twice. If you wanted to go by the funeral home tonight to prepare yourself for tomorrow we have that option though. I'll go with you if you want."

I held back tears as I answered, "No. I don't think I can do it tonight. I'm not sure how I'll even feel about it tomorrow, but…" I shook my head and wrapped my arms around myself, trying not to fall apart. "Dad, how are you handling all this? I know you can't be managing as well as you're trying to put off."

He got up from his recliner and joined me on the couch, wrapping a protective arm around me as he began to explain, "It is hard. All of this has been a huge shock. I know you must be struggling with how you're suppose to be feeling right now, and I completely understand. I don't know how I'm suppose to be feeling, but I've pushed myself through it so far. Your mom was the only woman I ever loved. I thought we would spend our whole lives together, raising a family and growing old side by side. It nearly killed me when she left, but I had you to look after. You're the best thing she ever could have given me." He swallowed his emotions and started again, "I had accepted the fact that she didn't want to spend her life with me, but when I went down to the funeral home today and saw her laying lifeless in that casket…I knew I had to forgive her for all the hurt she caused. She looked so innocent and still as beautiful as the day I met her. I wish you had known her better…known the woman she was before something changed her."

Tears spilled down my face, and Dad started rubbing my back to console me. He had a faraway look in his eyes when he spoke again. "She was amazing. So carefree and fun…everybody's best friend. She had a really good heart, Bells. I've driven myself mad trying to figure out what happened to change all that. I don't think it was anything I did, but…even though she left us, I can't help but feel like I let her down somehow too. There are a lot of things we'll never have the answers to, but in the finality of death, we've got to find a way to let it all go. I still wish I understood her reasons for doing what she did, but somehow there's a piece of my heart that still remembers the person she was when love was enough."

I completely broke down, loosing myself to tears as Dad held me tight. I had never heard him speak about her with such passion before. After the day she left, we hardly spoke about her at all. I don't think my dad knew how to handle the situation, so he avoided the topic in order to not upset me. I knew he loved her, but I never knew he felt like he had failed her. I was starting to understand Edward's theory on my dad's reactions to all this. He needed this. He needed to feel like he did something to make up for all the bad that had happened.

I heard the front door open, and Alice and Edward paused in the doorway to announce that dinner would be waiting for us when we were ready to eat. They took the food into the kitchen, and Dad and I joined them a few minutes later.

Alice and Edward lightened the mood with their constant chatter. After dinner was cleaned up, we all watched TV for a bit until Edward offered to drive Alice to her parents'.

"Thanks, Edward. Were you planning to stay here, or did you want to spend the night at my mom and dad's? I've already mentioned it to them, and they said you were more than welcome," she offered to Edward, but glanced over at me to see what I wanted.

"Dad spoke up, "Uh…we don't have a nice guest room like the Brandon's, but you are welcome to stay here if you don't mind sleeping on the couch."

I knew Dad wouldn't want Edward sharing a bed with me while he was here, but it still embarrassed me when it was made obvious by his offer of the couch.

Edward smiled and said, "A pillow and blanket will be fine. I'm not hard to please. Thank you, Charlie."

Dad nodded, and Alice gave me a hug and kiss before Edward drove her home. I helped Dad turn the couch into a bed while they were gone. When Edward got back, I walked him upstairs so he could get some sleeping clothes from his bag in my room and showed him where the bathroom was.

I was pulling the covers down on my bed when he reentered, walking over and giving me a hug.

"You doing okay?" he asked.

"Yes. Thanks for staying with me even though the Brandon's guest bed would have been much more comfortable than Dad's lumpy old couch," I said.

He smiled, then cautiously said, "I noticed there weren't any pictures of your mom laying around. Do you not have any?"

"No, not really. I think there were a few, but after she left I don't know what my dad did with them. We didn't really want any reminders laying around all these years." I walked to my closet and stretched to reach a small box on the top shelf, remembering the one picture I had stuffed in there several years ago when I finally decided that she was never coming back. "I have one picture shoved away in here," I said when I had the box in my hand. I opened it up and found the old crinkled photo of my smiling mother and handed it to him.

He studied the picture and handed it back, saying, "She was really pretty. Are you nervous about tomorrow?"

I stared at the face in the photo and answered honestly, "Of course I am, but I'm not afraid anymore. I know I'll be able to handle it with you, Alice, and my dad there. I'm still hurt by what she did, but I'm more thankful for the people in my life that want to be here."

Just then, my dad cleared his throat. Standing in the doorway, he pointed toward the picture in my hand and said, "I've got more of those if you want to look at them."

I nodded, taking Edward's hand and following my dad to his room. After rummaging through the back of his closet, he presented me with a photo album. I looked up at him, curiously wondering why I had never seen it before.

"Well, umm…when you were little, it use to upset you terribly any time you saw a picture of your mother. I gathered them all up and kept them in this album in case you ever did want them," he explained.

I slowly opened the book and was confused at first. I thought my dad had handed me the wrong album. It looked like a bunch of pictures of me; only I didn't remember any of them. Then I looked closer and realized they were younger pictures of my mom. Some of them were with my dad. Some were with a group of friends. And some were solely of her. She looked to be around seventeen. In every photo she had big, sparkling, brown eyes and a huge smile. She looked beautiful and happy. I found myself wishing, as Dad had said, that I knew that woman too. I'm sure she must have been happy during some part of my childhood, but my memories were clouded by the day she left us.

As I flipped through the pages, Dad commented on several of the pictures, explaining some of them and laughing at others. There were pictures of their wedding, pictures of her pregnant, and a string of pictures throughout different stages of my baby and toddler years. The book ended abruptly with a picture of my mom and dad standing beside a 'four year old me' blowing out the candles on my birthday cake. It was taken about a month before she left.

I stood up from my dad's bed, wiping the wetness from my face and finding my voice. "Thanks for showing me these. I never knew they existed, but I'm glad you kept them."

I left the room with Edward's arm holding my side and my father flipping back through the pages of the album. Edward stopped at my bedroom door and kissed me on the cheek, saying, "Get some sleep. I'll be downstairs on the couch if you need me."

The next morning, long fingers were combing through my hair when my eyes fluttered open. A beautiful pair of bright green eyes stared back at me, and a velvet voice said, "Good morning, sweet angel."

I closed my eyes and accepted his soft kiss before stretching and sitting up in bed. I removed a squished rabbit from my clutches and tried to fluff him back into shape. Edward chuckled and said, "I'll have to be sure to tell Bethy that Blue Bunny did his job."

"Your daughter is the sweetest kid I've ever known. You've done an amazing job raising her," I told him.

He smiled, reached for my hand, and said, "Your dad did an amazing job raising his daughter too." He lifted my hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss on the inside of my wrist. "Are you ready to face the day? Your dad's downstairs starting breakfast. We should get down there and join him."

I crawled off the bed and gave him a sweet kiss to his cheek, so thankful for the wonderful man that he was. I don't think he really understood how much I needed his presence today.

When I reached the top of the staircase, the strong smell of burnt toast hit me. "Yeah, he's a great father, but a terrible cook," I joked. "We'd better get in there and save him from any more kitchen disasters." Edward laughed behind me and followed me into the kitchen.

Dad turned around from his spot at the sink when he heard us enter. "I made coffee and some…toast," he said, sheepishly holding up the over toasted slice he had been scraping at with the knife in his other hand.

I smiled, endeared by my dad's effort to provide us with something to eat. "Thanks, Dad. That sounds great," I said, reaching into the refrigerator to pull out the butter and some jellies.

Dad smiled back and added, "I can cook eggs too if either of you want some."

"No, Dad. This is fine. I'm not really that hungry. Go ahead and sit down."

He nodded and placed the stack of toast on the table, sitting down with a cup of coffee in his hand. I brought over three plates, and Edward joined us at the table, placing a coffee in front of me and holding his own cup in his right hand.

I felt bad for subjecting Edward to such a substandard morning meal. I nudged his knee with mine under the table. When he looked over at me, I said, "I can fix you something else if you're hungry."

He shook his head and replied, "No, no. This is great." Adding a couple of slices to his plate and reaching for the jelly, he nodded at my dad and said, "Thanks, Charlie."

After eating, Edward and I did a quick clean up of the kitchen while Dad got showered and started getting ready. I grabbed a shower next, while Edward deconstructed his makeshift bed on the couch. Edward was the last one to shower while I got dressed in a simple but appropriate black dress Alice had packed for me.

We were grabbing our coats and getting ready to head out when there was a knock at the door. I opened it to be greeted with a warm hug from Alice. She handed me a basket of warm blueberry muffins and said, "I don't know if you guys have eaten yet, but Mom baked some homemade muffins for you. She and Dad are waiting in the car. We were just going to follow you over this morning."

I thanked her and handed the muffins to Edward to carry to the kitchen. Although they smelled wonderful, my stomach was too twisted in knots to try one. Edward, however, eyed the basket with reverence and immediately grabbed one to eat, smiling sheepishly when he realized I had noticed. I was just glad the man had at least something edible for breakfast.

Edward offered to drive the rental car, and Dad sat in the passenger seat while I took the spot behind him. Dad directed Edward to the only funeral home and cemetery in Forks, and the Brandon's followed behind us. Once we were there, Dad helped me out of the car, and I clutched his arm tightly. The others quickly joined our sides.

I paused at the door to the funeral home, taking a deep breath and preparing myself to face what was behind those doors. Edward took my free hand and placed a soft kiss to the side of my head. I felt Alice rub a few soothing circles on my back. As soon as we stepped inside, we were greeted by the funeral director who led us to the room we would be using.

I'm not really sure what I expected, but I was taken by surprise at the amount of floral arrangements that filled the room. I avoided the center isle between the rows of dark wooden pews that led to the open casket at the end. Instead, I pulled us towards one of the outer isles that led to the beginning of the floral displays. They were all large and beautifully arranged. I spent longer than necessary looking them over and reading the note cards on each one.

There were flowers from the police force Dad worked at. Some from our next door neighbor and the crew down at the diner. There were lovely arrangements from the Brandon's, my dad's best friend, and several other members of the community. I smiled when I saw one from Jasper and nearly cried when I noticed three separate ones from the Cullens. There was a huge display from Carlisle and Esme, one from Edward and Bethy, and one from Emmett and Rosalie.

I tensed up the closer we got to the casket, still not ready to accept this reality. I stared into the flickering light from the row of candles and unwillingly traveled the path to where my mother lay. I noted the intricate rose carvings in the honey wood of the casket my father had picked out. It truly looked too beautiful for something that would be buried in the ground and never seen again. I was sure it must have been one of their most expensive choices as well. Only the top half of the casket was open. The bottom half was covered with a massive spray of white roses and baby's breath.

My eyes finally fell on my mother's peaceful looking form. I'm pretty sure I stopped breathing, but I didn't cry. I didn't feel sad or angry. I didn't feel anything at all; I was numb. She did look beautiful…almost the same as the picture I had kept of her, only a little older. Her long, dark hair cascaded around her face and shoulders, accenting her fair completion. She didn't look exactly like me, but the resemblance was definitely there. I almost wanted to touch her to make sure she was really there, but I was frozen in place. I couldn't think. I wanted to feel something. I needed air. I felt something tug on my arm and realized it was Edward.

"C'mon. Let's get some air for a minute," he said, tilting his head towards the side door near us.

I realized then that my chest was heaving, but I couldn't take a breath. I left my dad standing there and followed Edward out the door, inhaling a lungful of cool air as soon as we were outside. "I don't…I can't…feel anything," I said. "I should feel something…" I took several rapid breaths, trying to feel the air entering and leaving my body.

He shook his head and pulled me into him, holding me tightly. "Baby, you are feeling something. You just don't recognize it yet. Even emptiness is something. It's gonna be okay. Just breathe."

I melted into his embrace and let the rhythm of his breathing set the pace for my own. The comfort of his arms calmed me almost immediately.

"Are you ready to go back in?" he asked, and I nodded, letting him lead me back inside. We stopped and looked at the rest of the floral arrangements on that side. I noticed one from Reverend Webber's family, and a separate one from his daughter, Angela, who had been one of my closet friends in high school. There were a few others from people whose names I didn't recognize.

Alice joined us and pointed out that a few more people had joined the room. There were a couple of deputies from Dad's work, Harry and Sue Clearwater, Reverend Webber and his wife, Maggie from the Diner, one of Dad's neighbors, and several others I didn't know.

The funeral director finished talking to Dad, and we all took a seat before Reverend Webber stood behind the podium. Someone played soft music on the organ while everyone settled into the pews. The reverend read a scripture from the Bible, and his wife sang a lovely version of Amazing Grace. Alice surprised me by taking the stand to read a beautiful poem that was perfectly fitting. Reverend Webber spent some time talking about life, loss, and dealing with grief. He read another inspirational passage and ended the service with a prayer.

A final song softly drifted from the organ as the funeral director instructed us to take all the time we needed to say our goodbyes. Dad had decided to forego the graveside service so we didn't have to watch the casket being lowered into the ground. Each of the guests made their way over to Dad, and subsequently me, to offer their condolences and comment on how beautiful the service was before they said their goodbyes in front of the coffin.

I knew who most of the people were, but the few I didn't recognize were introduced to me by my dad. One woman was introduced to me as my mom's best friend from high school. I remembered seeing her in several of the pictures from the album my dad showed me. She was the same age as my mom, but she looked a lot older.

It was strange having everyone approach me with sympathy for my loss. The weird thing was that not one single person acted as if the situation was unusual. It was like we had been a normal family all these years. I didn't really know how to respond to anyone, so I basically stayed silent.

After everyone else left, Dad and I said goodbye to Alice and her parents, agreeing to join them for dinner at their house later. Edward said he would wait for us in the car so my dad and I could have some privacy. Dad wrapped his arm around me, and together we went to say our final goodbye.

This time when I looked at her, flashes of memories I had long forgotten flooded through my mind. They were all good memories of happy times together. I remembered standing in a chair at the kitchen sink to help her wash the dishes and dancing in front of the TV together after dinner…just to teasingly get in Dad's way. I remembered curling up by her side on the couch while she read me a book after bath time and the sound of her voice when she sang me to sleep in the rocking chair at night. I had pictures in my head of us dressed in fancy clothes and wearing silly hats for our own little tea party. The last thing I remembered was how she use to let me brush her hair and put a million different clips in it when I wanted to play beauty shop. Without thinking, I reached out and ran my fingers through a lock of her hair. It was still soft and silky, just like I remembered. Then the damn of tears burst open. I realized that this was really the last time I would ever see her, and I cried uncontrollably as Dad held me tighter to keep me from collapsing.

After crying a river of tears in my father's arms, the funeral workers entered the room again. With a nod from Dad, they closed the casket and started to carry it away.

"Come on, honey. Let's go home," Dad said as he walked me towards the front doors. As soon as we were outside, Edward stepped out of the car and met up with us. I wrapped my arms around him as he returned the gesture, holding me close and calming my emotions.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a man heading to his car. He had slipped in and out of the service without speaking to anyone, yet he was one of the last ones to leave. He looked to be a few years younger than my dad, and I remembered seeing him cry when he stood by my mother's casket.

"Dad, do you know that man over there?" I asked with a nod in that direction.

"No. I saw him inside, but he didn't introduce himself. I was wondering who he was myself," Dad answered. As if the man could here us, he turned and met my stare. He gave a sad wave as we started to approach him.

Dad stuck out his hand to greet him and said, "Hi, I don't believe we've met. I'm Charles Swan. This is my daughter, Isabella, and her boyfriend, Edward. How did you know Renee?"

The man seemed reluctant at first, but met my dad's handshake and said, "My name's Phil Dwyer." He held out a hand towards me and said, "It's nice to meet you, Bella." I was shocked that he knew my name, since Dad had introduced me as Isabella. He saw my confused expression and dropped his hand, fidgeting with hem on his suit jacket before explaining, "I'm…uh, I was…Renee's boyfriend. We lived together in Florida."

"Oh," was my brilliant response. I didn't know what else to say.

My dad cleared his throat to respond, "I didn't know. I mean, I tried to find anyone that was closely connected to her when the police notified me after the accident. When my search came up empty, I just…well…"

"I understand," Phil interjected. "I went to file a missing person's report when she didn't come home after a couple of days. That's when I found out what happened, and I flew here to at least make it to the funeral. I wasn't sure if I should introduce myself or not. I know you've both had a lot to deal with the past few days."

"Yes. Well, this whole thing has been a bit…out of the range of normal. I do apologize for…uh, well…I don't really know what to apologize for. I just wish there wasn't a need for this service in the first place," Dad said.

Phil kind of chuckled and replied, "Renee never could make things simple. I'm not surprised that this was no different. Umm, I have a flight back to Florida, leaving later tonight. I might have the answers to some of the questions you probably have. If you wanted to meet somewhere, we could talk. Of course, I understand if you'd rather not. I just wanted to offer."

Dad looked at me, and I just shrugged my shoulders. I didn't know if anything Phil had to say would make much of a difference at this point. He must have decided it was worth listening to because he offered to let Phil follow us home to continue the conversation.

Once we were on our way, Dad asked, "Are you okay with this, Bells? You don't have to talk to him if you don't want to, honey. I just figured we might as well hear what he has to say. No need to wonder about it later, you know?"

"Yeah, Dad. It's fine," I answered.

Phil followed us into the house and took a seat beside my dad at the kitchen table. Edward looked unsure whether he should sit down or leave to give us some privacy. I gave him a quick hug and whispered, "Stay, please." He took the seat next to Phil and I started the coffee maker before I joined them.

Dad nervously started out the conversation by asking, "So how long have you known Renee?"

"We were together for about seven years. I met her while I was working…sort of. I'm the manager of a minor league baseball team in Florida, and Renee was working in the advertising department at the local radio station at the time. I met her while I was dropping off free game tickets for the radio station to give away. I invited her to attend the game with me, but she turned me down. Two weeks later, she was the waitress at a bar I went to. I told her she was beautiful and asked her out again, but she laughed and told me it was just the beers talking. A month later, she was ringing up my groceries at the supermarket. I figured she just couldn't hold onto a job for long, but I still thought it must be fate…the way we kept running into each other everywhere. I finally convinced her to go out with me and well…we ended up moving in together a few months later."

I heard Edward chuckle beside me, and I knew what he was thinking. Phil's story sounded similar to the way Edward and I started out. I noticed the coffee was ready and got up to pour everyone a cup. When I sat back down, I offered Phil a muffin from the basket on the table. He paused his story to take one, and I decided to question him about something he said earlier.

"Phil, you said that you went to file a missing person's report a couple of days after Renee didn't come home. Why did you wait that long? I mean, was it normal for her to not come home sometimes?"

He shifted in his seat a bit, and I could tell he was getting ready to talk about something uncomfortable. "I suppose this is where I should give you a little more background information. It's probably the most important part of the story," he paused, taking a look around the table. I gave him a nod, and he continued, "Several years before I met Renee, she was diagnosed with an extreme case of bipolar disorder coupled with severe depression. She struggled for a lot of years, working with the doctors to get her medications right. She was taking several different types of prescriptions when we met. On the right dosages, she lived a happy and normal life. Sometimes, she would forget to take her medicine or quit on purpose because they were making her feel sick. During those times, she would react differently. Sometimes she just locked herself in the bedroom for days, until I forced her to go back to see the doctor. Other times, she would take off and stay gone for up to weeks at a time. The medicines were tricky. Certain ones could counteract with others, and sometimes her body became immune to the ones she had been on for a long time, causing them to be ineffective. It was also hard for her to gauge her own reactions to the medicines, so she really needed constant monitoring. It was hard for me to keep a proper eye on her since my job frequently required traveling." He paused, picking at the muffin in front of him with a regretful look on his face.

Edward broke the silence by saying, "I'm sure you did as much as you could for her. I knew someone in college who had a similar condition. It became too difficult for her to manage, and her parents ended up taking her out of school. I don't know what happened to her after that, but I know how hard it can be on someone going through that and their families."

Phil nodded and started talking again, "Yes, it's very hard, but I cared about her a lot…I loved her. She was doing a lot better the last few years. Her medications seemed to be working well, and she actually started traveling with me when I had to go away for work. I made enough money to support us, so instead of switching jobs so often, she just took up a bunch of different hobbies to occupy her time. She never liked to stick with one thing too long though. I don't know if that had anything to do with her condition or just her personality in general."

Dad smiled and said, "I think that was just her personality. She always did like trying new things. One time she told me she wanted to be able to do everything in the world at least once."

Phil smiled back and added, "That sounds like something she would say. I'm not exactly sure when her illness set in, but the doctors said that she had gone untreated for quite some time before she was diagnosed." His face took on a serious but sympathetic expression before he added, "I can't say I know why Renee left you both back then, but I do know that she regretted it. My theory is that it was the beginning of her illness, and she was confused. There were a lot of times during her depression stages that she would cry and swear that she was the worst person alive. She knew she made a mistake that she could never make up for. There were a couple of times I tried to convince her to come back and try to find either of you, but she insisted that you both were better off without her. No one can know what would have happened if she had tried, but it still wouldn't have changed the past and probably wouldn't have changed the future."

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. "I don't even know what to say…or what to think about all of this. I feel bad that she had to go through all of that. But it's just so awful for everyone."

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to upset anyone or cause more grief. I guess I hoped it might help you understand. She did love you. I know that might sound ridiculous right now, but she often commented that she hoped your life held every happiness you could dream of. She still carried a picture of you in her wallet and a wedding picture of her and Charlie as well."

Dad looked a little shocked, but Phil turned to him and continued, "As I said, I did love Renee. I asked her to marry me several times, and each time I got the same answer. She told me she already married the love of her life once and didn't have her whole heart to give anymore. I'll admit it hurt, but I also know she loved me the most that she could. And she did love both of you, even though she hurt you."

There was a simultaneous drying of eyes around the table. Then Dad said, "Thank you. I know it wasn't easy for you to share all this with us, but I appreciate that you did."

Phil nodded and stood up from the table. "Well, I've taken up enough of your time, and I still have to head back to the hotel to check out before my flight, so I better be going."

We all stood up to walk him to the door. He carefully gave me a hug, pulling back and grazing my cheek with the back of his hand before apologizing for his actions. "I'm sorry. You just look so much like your mother." He probably meant it as a compliment; my mother was really beautiful, but I didn't want to look like her. I just wanted to look like me.

He turned to Dad and said, "Thanks for inviting me into your home and listening. And for everything you did to put the funeral together. It was a really nice service. Renee would have been pleased."

I leaned backwards into Edwards arms and let his presence calm me while Dad walked Phil to his car. He came back a few minutes later and let out a shaky breath. "Well…that was a lot to absorb," he admitted.

I let out a sigh and agreed with a simple, "Yeah." I knew we probably wouldn't discuss it passed this point. Dad and I were the same that way. We would both give the information enough time to sink in before processing it on our own.

We all separated to change into more comfortable clothes before heading to the Brandon's for dinner. Dinner was really nice. There was no talk about the day's events, and the atmosphere was warm and relaxed. As always, the food was delicious. After dinner, Alice and I showed Edward around the house while the parents talked over coffee in the den.

I filled Alice in on the encounter with Phil, and she was shocked. She asked me how I felt about everything, but I still had no idea.

We joined everyone in the den and had dessert before we left. When we got back to the house, Dad headed straight to his room after wishing us a goodnight. I remembered promising to show Edward the night sky in Forks and asked him if he wanted to go for a walk on the beach. He easily agreed, and we drove down to my favorite spot.

We were lucky the skies were clear, but it was still quite cold so we had to be bundled up a bit. As we walked along the beach, holding hands, Edward asked, "So how is Isabella Swan doing now?" He wasn't asking how I was feeling right this second. He wanted to know how I had been affected by everything that had happened. I understood exactly.

"Isabella Swan is great," I said, looking up at him and smiling.

"Good," he said, leaning down and kissing me.

We walked a little further down the beach until we found a large boulder to lean against, shielding us from the chill of the wind. I pressed my back against his chest and covered his arms with mine when he wrapped them around me. Pointing toward the sky, I asked, "So, what do you think? Beautiful, isn't it?"

I heard the soft voice behind me say, "Definitely the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

I turned around, expecting to see him staring up at the sky, but he wasn't. He was staring right at me. "You're not even looking," I pointed out, shoving his shoulder playfully.

"What?" he asked, looking genuinely confused.

"The sky, Edward. All the stars in the sky. Remember I promised to show them to you one day?"

He bit his lip and grinned. "Oh, right." He looked up at the sky, pulling me back against him. "You're right. It does look like a million diamonds scattered across a sea of black velvet." I smiled, happy he remembered my description.

We sat down on the sand next to each other, still leaning against the large rock. He brushed some of the windblown hair out of my face and studied me for a few seconds before starting a conversation. "So…all the stuff Phil had to say…"

I leaned on his shoulder and answered, "Yeah, he said a lot. I guess I'm glad I got to hear it, but I don't think it really changes anything. Knowing my mom's illness may have been the reason she left, doesn't make it hurt any less. I don't know…maybe it does help me understand it a little though. I use to think that it was me…that I wasn't good enough for her to want me. I suppose I don't really feel like that anymore."

"You were just a little girl. Sick or not, what your mom did was never because of you," he declared.

"I know that. Rationally, I always knew that. I missed her a lot when she first left, and there were plenty of times when I felt hurt, sad, angry, or upset that she was gone. But in the big picture, my life was pretty good. Dad was always there for me…always treated me like the world's most prized treasure. I felt more love than a lot of kids do with two parents. And Alice represented the best sister a girl could ask for."

"Yeah, I guess you lucked out on that part. Your dad and Alice both loved you and took good care of you," he murmured in my ear.

"Right. And just look at my life now. I graduated from college. I live in a great city and have a good job, awesome friends, and most likely the most perfect boyfriend that ever existed," I teased with a row of tiny kisses to his jaw line. He laughed and called me a suck-up.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"Have you ever thought about what you're going to tell Bethy when she asks about her mom one day? I mean, I just don't want her to ever think that there's any way someone could not want her."

"Yeah, I've always been worried about that. Luckily, she's never asked yet. I don't really know how I'll explain it when she does, but I can't lie to her. I won't tell her all the terrible details about how her mother acted…I guess I'll just tell her that her mom wasn't ready for kids yet and decided to leave her with me instead. I've always hoped that if I provided her with all the love in my heart and a life full of every opportunity possible that she would never have a reason to wonder about a different kind of life that included her mother." He raked his hands through his hair and shrugged his shoulders. "She's never even seen her mother, but I know even adopted kids often wonder about their biological parents. I hate to think that she will always wonder about that missing piece, but I hope…I mean, look at what you went through with your mother, and you're still happy, right?"

"Perfectly happy. And Bethy will be too. I see how you are with her. You're everything she needs in a parent. To be honest, I've wondered if you had some sort of super powers. I've never seen her be anything but happy and not in a spoiled way. She's so well behaved and caring. You raised an extraordinary little girl."

He laughed and said, "Oh, she has her moments! Like every kid, I guess, she knows how to throw a temper tantrum when she really wants to."

I laughed along with him. "Well, that may be, but as far as her missing a mom…I don't think you have to worry too much about that. Plus, she has your mom and the rest of your family who love her. From what you've told me about her mom, she isn't missing anything."

He simply nodded, kissed the top of my head, and said, "Thank you."

It wasn't much longer before we were both too cold to stay on the beach. We went back to the house and ended up falling asleep on the couch together. I woke up the next morning to the sound of my father clearing his throat above us.

"Do you want to make breakfast, Bells? Or should I?" Dad asked with a smirk on his face.

I jumped up quickly and answered, "No, no, Dad! I've got it!" He laughed, and I headed to the kitchen to fry some eggs and sausage.

After breakfast, Edward started packing up his things and loading them in the car. He told me he and Alice were planning on heading back today, but asked if I needed to stay longer. I told him I was ready to go home as well. I knew my dad would be okay, and so would I. The past was behind us. Everything was good, if not better than before.

Edward went to pick up Alice while my dad and I drove over to the cemetery to check out the gravesite together. Before we even pulled in, you could see the mound of flowers on the freshly dug grave. I took my dad's hand as we walked the path to a headstone that simply read: Renee Swan 1970 - 2011. I noticed it was on one side of a double gravesite and remembered Dad telling me about receiving it as part of his benefits package from work when he started. Looking at the empty side and thinking about my dad's name next to hers sometime in the very distant future, it oddly didn't seem weird to me.

On the ride back home, Dad took the opportunity to let me know how he felt about Edward. "So, that boyfriend of yours, Edward…"

I rolled my eyes, getting ready for the fatherly lecture I assumed was coming. "What about him, Dad? Go ahead and warn me of all the ways he's not good enough."

He looked over at me and raised a brow. "Why do you assume I don't approve of him?"

I gave him the raised brow back and answered, "Since when do you approve of anyone I date?"

He chuckled and went on to say, "Okay, I guess you're right about that. But I did a background check on him after you were here last time -"

"Dad!" I admonished him before he could finish.

Dad looked surprised by my outburst and finished saying, "What? I've always done a background check on anyone you bring into your life. Anyway, as I was saying…his record came back clean as a whistle, not even a parking ticket. And I know those tabloid magazines like to exploit fiction more than fact, so I'm not judging him by what I've read in those things." I nodded, grateful that he wasn't going to hold any of that against Edward. He continued, "Listen up because this may be the only time I say this, but I approve of your boyfriend."

I couldn't stop the humongous smile that took over my face. I know I'm an adult, and I would have stayed with Edward with or without my father's blessing, but it was nice to hear that he approved.

"That boy went to a lot of trouble to help you through a difficult time. I can see how much he cares about you. As long as he keeps making you happy…You are happy, right?"

"Of course I'm happy. Edward's been nothing but considerate and caring since we've started dating," I said.

"Do you love him?"

"What? That's not…we're not really at that stage yet, Dad," I proclaimed.

He shook his head and said, "You might not be at the stage of proclaiming it to each other, but I see how you look at each other. I can tell you right now…that boy loves you, Bells. Once you admit how you feel to yourself, you'll see that I'm right."

We pulled into the driveway, and I saw Edward and Alice sitting on the porch. I shot Edward a cheesy smile and waved as I was getting out of the car. Alice met my dad with a covered dish in her hands and said, "Hey, Charlie. Miss Cope, down the street, dropped this off for you."

Dad took the dish and carried it in the house, looking a little embarrassed. Alice hugged Dad goodbye and darted off to the car. Edward went upstairs to grab my packed bags, and I hugged my dad in the doorway.

"Okay. Well, now that we've had the boyfriend talk…I just want to remind you to be careful. I mean…be safe…shit! I like the guy, but I'm not ready to be a grandpa yet, if you know what I mean."

What the hell? "Dad! We're not even…that's not…we're not doing that yet, okay?"

Edward picked that moment to pass by, carrying my things to the car with a chuckle. Clearly, he heard that part of our conversation.

Dad gave me the 'I don't believe you for one second' look and said, "I know you're a grown woman now, Bells. You don't have to try to convince me -"

"I'm not trying to convince you. We're not…ugh! Edward?" I looked to where Edward was strategically arranging the bags in the car with a goofy grin on his face. He just shook his head and continued moving around bags. Obviously, he wasn't coming near this conversation with a ten foot pole!

I looked back at my dad and decided to be honest. "Seriously, Dad. I can't even believe we're having this discussion, but honestly…we aren't. Not that I wouldn't, but Edward's…waiting. Just so you know, I'll be careful when the time comes." I gave my dad a kiss on the cheek, and he raised both brows in surprise to my revelation.

He cleared his throat and said, "Alright then." He started to walk towards the car, and I heard him mumble, "Starting to like Edward even more now."

Edward finally stopped messing with the damn bags and walked over to my dad, shaking his hand and saying, "It was nice to meet you, Charlie. Thanks for letting me stay in your home."

"Nice meeting you too, Edward. Thank you for getting my little girl home and taking good care of her. Don't forget to keep treating her right. I'd hate to have to hunt you down and shoot you if you hurt her." Dad may have been joking, but he gave Edward a level glare just for good measure.

"Not gonna happen, sir," Edward responded, earning a nod from Dad.

"Good to hear. You kids have a safe flight back. Call me when you get home, Bells," Dad said in parting.

As we were backing out, we noticed another woman coming down the drive with a covered dish in her hands. I had already answered the door for about five other women armed with food this morning.

Alice giggled from the back seat and said, "Don't these women know Charlie's been without a wife for about eighteen years already?"

I laughed and said, "Maybe Dad will end up getting lucky with one of them."

Edward chuckled and added, "If not, at least he won't go hungry."

We all laughed and drove off toward the airport, ready to get back to our lives in New York.