CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

NIGHTMARE

It's like everything is in slow motion. Not in a good way, like when we kiss or glance at each other across the Great Hall. In a bad way. And at first there's an overwhelming pain in my heart. But it's so stupid because I've only been going out with him for a few weeks. I can't possibly love him. Can I? No, it's not ... me. I'm not one of those girls. I'm not the kind of girl who goes out with someone for, like, a day and claims that they are the love of my life. So I let myself go numb and, while everyone is fussing over Rose, slip out un-noticed. Well, almost un-noticed. Those damn violet eyes watch me as I leave. But I don't look back and I don't cry. I won't let myself.

When I get to the dorm I run into the bathroom, wash off all my makeup and put on my PJ's. Then I sit on my bed and pull the hangings shut. The annoying thing is that I'm not at all mad at Caleb, I'm mad at myself. Caleb didn't do anything wrong. He slept with whoever it was ages ago ... I hope. But even if he did it while we were together, it's not some great betrayal. What's a few weeks? Probably nothing to him. And of course he's had sex. He is a gorgeous guy, girls throw themselves at him. They are all beautiful and sexy, unlike me. No wonder he slept with one ... or more. No wonder he hasn't tried to make a move on me.

Thoughts like this run through my head over and over again until I hear the door open and close. I lay down on my back and pretended to have fallen asleep. I heard my hangings being pulled open but I kept my eyes shut.

"Lily, I know you're awake." Mel sighs, "You snore, so I know you're faking." I sigh and sit up. She studies my face, her own face void of emotion. It's silent for a moment until I feel the need to talk.

"So, that party, huh?" I smile but it feels fake on my face. Mel, however, raises an eyebrow at me and says:

"So, Caleb, huh?" The fake smile falls from my face.

"H-how did you, um?" I stutter, shocked. She'd never even met Caleb before tonight, and we didn't show any signs of liking each other, so how does she know?

"How did I know? Please, Lily, I know I'm not the brightest but don't think I'm completely stupid. First you start going off alone, keeping secrets, lying to me and Rikki - that should have been my first guess. It's just like me and Louis! At the Halloween party you both had dates but dissapeared right in the middle of the party. Together, I assume. I started to realise that you might have a boyfriend, but I had no idea that it was him or why you were keeping it a secret. But tonight at the party ... you just kept looking at him. And smiling. It was like your whole body lit up, it was the same with him. You looked at him when everyone realised you had a boyfriend too. That's when I knew." I clear my throat and nod.

"So now you know?" I say.

"Yeah. I know why you have to keep it a secret from your family, but why didn't you tell me?" She looks hurt and I sigh.

"I don't know. It was just ... easier. Our own little world, y'know. But I guess that's over now."

"Why does it have to be over?" She asks, "He's not a virgin, so what? You still like him right?"

"Of course I do but he ... he obviously wants more than I can give him. And that's OK. Why would he want to be with little old virgin me, when he could have girls like Louisa Smith?" I smile, sadly. Mel laughs and shakes her head.

"You just don't see it. That boy is so hung up on you. You should have seen his face when you left the party. He looked crushed." My heart swells with hope but I try not to get carried away.

"I don't know anymore, Mel. I just ... I need to sleep on it, get my head around some stuff , y'know." Mel nods and ruffles my hair fondly.

"Yeah, go to sleep. I'm always here if you need me you know."

"I know. Same here." Then she goes to bed and turns off the lights.

I fall asleep slowly and when I do I have a nightmare. I dream that I am walking through the crowed halls of Hogwarts. People push by me, knock me over and don't notice me (nothing new) but instead of gettng up and ignoring them, I beg for their attention. Slowly, what used to be a hallway full of random Hogwarts students becomes my family. Cloned again and again and again. They push by me too.

"Stop. Stop. Help me please. Stop. James, Dominique, Albus - Please!" I yell out to them but they ignore me. Like they can't see or hear me. Like I really am invisible.

Suddenly I'm not in the corridors anymore, I'm in the Great Hall. Everyone is crowded round the Slytherin table and I push myself forward to see what they are looking at. Then I see it. Caleb lying on the table kissing Louisa Smith. Someone bangs into me, a knife in their hand, and I fall to the ground. My hands go to my stomach and when I pull them away they are covered in blood.

"Caleb." I croak, "Help me." He, being the only person who can hear me, turns to look at me. He stares right into my eyes, his violets ones burning a hole in my soul, then turns away. And I watch him and Louisa make love in front of me as I die.

I wake up crying and sweating. Screaming out in imaginary pain. But nobody hears me.