Hey guys, thank you for the response to the last chapter. I really appreciate your honesty. I haven't had much time for writing which is why I am just about making my 'post at least once a week' promise. Life has got extremely busy and will probably get even busier for me as I will soon be changing jobs.
As always, please be kind and review what you read. Thank you!
Chapter 20
Erin sat in a booth at Molly's; wearing her favourite skinny jeans and her silky black spaghetti strap trapeze top. Her hair was down in loose bouncy curls; her make-up was smoky but minimal. Her finger traced the rim of her scotch glass; her second since she had arrived.
She looked up every time she heard the door to Molly's open; waiting for Garrett to arrive; even though she still had five minutes before they were due to meet. She had arrived a little early; hoping to get a drink or two into her to calm her nerves.
She knew she had to be honest with Garrett; she had been putting it off her long enough. She just didn't know how to bring it up. She never had to tell an amazing guy that she didn't want him because she wasn't over her ex-boyfriend.
Today, meeting Louisa and getting another insight to Jay's life outside the unit had just confirmed it even more; she wasn't over him and she wasn't sure she ever would be but one thing was for sure; Garrett was not the guy for her; he was not her endgame.
The door to Molly's swung open; she looked up and gulped. "Why does he have to look so good?" She muttered to herself as he strode towards her, dressed in a grey suit with a baby pink shirt and tie.
"Hey." He said; leaning into her to give her a kiss; not giving her a chance to turn her head; his lips capturing her lips and not her cheek as Erin intended. "Sorry if I'm a little bit late; I was in a meeting with heads of the other departments; hence the suit."
"No it's fine; I was early." Erin replied as Garrett signalled to Otis behind the bar to bring him a beer and another scotch for Erin.
"So, how has your week been?" He asked, focusing his gaze on Erin; reaching out to take her hand in his. "It seems like days since I saw your gorgeous face or heard your sexy husky voice."
"Yeah sorry; work has just been tough." Erin replied. "Intelligence can be like that; quiet for a few days and then suddenly you're working weeks on end with only a few hours sleep."
"Thanks for the warning but I'm sure I can take the erratic hours." Garrett replied. "I live them myself with the hospital."
"Yeah, we'd have been like passing ships in the night." Erin joked just as their drinks arrived. They both acknowledged Otis with a nod.
"We'd have been?" Garrett questioned. "Have you something to tell me?" He dropped his hold on her hand.
Erin sighed; she hadn't meant to say that; it had slipped out but she had to go with it; it had brought up the very discussion she didn't know how to raise. She reached out to take Garrett's hand again but he pulled away.
"Erin, just tell me." He stated.
She sighed again. "Garrett, the last few weeks have been really fun but the more time I spend with you; the more I realise I am not over my ex...That as great as these last few weeks have been; it's just been a distraction." She stated.
"You're not over your ex?" He questioned. "Erin, when we had our first date; you told me you hadn't dated in over ten months. How much time do you need to get over an ex?"
"Garrett, it's complicated." Erin sighed. "Yes, when we had our first date, technically I had been single for ten months but not really...My ex was out of town and I thought when he came back, we'd get back together so I didn't really consider myself single and then he came back and confirmed my worst fears that we were over; by moving on with someone else."
"Your ex – it's Jay, isn't it?" Garrett questioned.
Erin swallowed hard and nodded.
"I'm such an idiot!" Garrett muttered; shaking his head. "Why...why didn't you tell me?"
"Honestly, I thought Will or Spencer would have told you and then when I realised you didn't know, it was just too awkward to mention." Erin replied.
"So instead, you let me continue to make a fool of myself!" Garrett hissed.
"Of course not!" Erin quickly retorted. "Garrett, you're an amazing guy and if I had met you under different circumstances, I am sure I would fall big time but..."
"But instead you're obsessing over someone you can't have...will never have." Garrett interjected. "He's getting married Erin! There is no happy ending for you and him!"
"Don't you think I know that?" Erin shot back. "Do you think I like this? Because I don't but I have to accept it and it's not fair on you if I keep pretending that I'm over him; because I'm not."
"Erin..." Garrett sighed as he watched her eyes fill with tears.
"I wish I could fall for you Garrett but I can't." Erin stated. "I don't want you to get hurt Garrett; this is why it has to end; before things get messy."
"They already are a mess Erin." Garrett stated; reaching into his wallet and pulling out a $20 bill to toss on the table. "What I don't get is what makes Jay Halstead so special? I can see how special you are and I know what is special about Spencer but honestly, Jay...he doesn't match up."
"If you knew him; you wouldn't have to ask that question; you'd just know." Erin replied.
Garrett stood up; his eyes studying Erin. "You're wasted on him Erin." He stated. "The sooner you learn that, the better." He walked out of Molly's; not looking back as Erin watched him go.
##############
Erin sat at her desk in the bull pen; leaning back on her chair; twirling a pen between her fingers as she watched the rest of the unit run around; gathering up their belongings; ready to clear out and start Jay's bachelor party.
"C'mon boys! Move it our lose it! We're losing precious drinking time here." Ruzek called; standing at the top of the steps; tapping his watch.
"Guys, I really think we should stop and get something to eat first." Jay suggested as he exited the locker room; slipping on his jacket. He stopped at his desk; searching his drawer for something.
"Stop being a wuss Halstead!" Ruzek barked. "Man up and hold your drink!"
"Geez, who knew Ruzek could be such a bachelor party Nazi?" Atwater stated to Antonio and Olinsky in a low whisper as they approached Ruzek.
"Obviously not Jay or he wouldn't have made him his groomsman." Olinsky muttered.
"Like Jay had a choice in the matter." Dawson added.
"What is with the whispering ladies?" Ruzek barked.
"Boy, you did not just call me a lady!" Olinsky hissed as he passed Ruzek to head down the steps.
"Oh, Ruzek is in trouble!" Mouse teased as he followed; only to have Ruzek glare at him.
Erin softly laughed before shouting after them. "Boys, please do not call me when you're at Chicago Med getting your stomach pumped!"
Jay was still at his desk; his hand in his drawer; his eyes occasionally glancing over at Erin.
"Halstead! C'mon!" Ruzek called; tapping his watch again.
"I'm coming; I just need to find my keys!" Jay retorted.
"Screw the keys, you can stay with me!" Ruzek shot back.
Jay sighed and looked up at him. "I know I have them here somewhere." He stated. "Go on, I'll meet you down stairs."
Ruzek was about to argue back before he glanced at both Erin and Jay. "Fine, but if you're not down there in three minutes then..." Ruzek reluctantly agreed.
"I know, I go without and stay with you." Jay interjected. Ruzek nodded and headed down the steps.
There was a few seconds of silence; Erin could feel Jay's eyes on her. Finally; she looked over at him. "Still no luck with your keys?" She asked.
He sighed and closed the drawer. "Oh, I know exactly where they are; attached to my car keys; sitting in the bowl at home." Jay replied as he perched himself on the edge of his desk. "I was actually looking for something to eat or I'm never going to make it through the third round of drinks."
Erin smiled and reached into her drawer; pulling out a protein bar and tossing it over for Jay to catch in his hands. "Here you go...you wuss!" She teased, mocking Ruzek.
"Thanks for having my back, partner!" Jay replied, waving the protein bar as he stood up.
"Hey, it's what we do." Erin stated as Jay began to walk away.
He paused and turned back towards Erin's desk. "Are you sure you don't want to come and join us for a few drinks?" He asked.
Erin's eyes widened. "To your bachelor party?" She scoffed. "I know you guys see me as one of you but I'm not joining you in a strip club."
"Trust me; I don't want the strip club." Jay quickly corrected. He paused. "So, you coming?"
"Thanks but no, I um...I told Nadia I would cover the phones tonight as she has class." Erin replied.
"Huh, so no plans with Dr. Matthews?" Jay asked; struggling to be nonchalant.
"Ah no...we're no longer dating." Erin quietly replied.
"Huh, I'm sorry." Jay replied, fighting the smirk from his lips.
"No you're not." Erin softly laughed.
"Yeah, I'm not." He admitted, with a small smirk. He paused. "I know I was jealous but honestly, I didn't think he was for you."
"Yeah, I know." Erin softly sighed.
"I mean, who wants to date someone that perfect, right?" Jay joked.
"Isn't that what Spencer is?" Erin questioned.
"She's not perfect Erin." Jay responded.
"But she's as close as you're gonna get." Erin stated.
"Yeah...I guess." Jay muttered; his eyes locking with Erin's eyes.
"Jay, are you coming because I'm pretty sure Ruzek is either going to explode or Olinsky is going to kill him...whatever comes first..." Mouse said, walking up the stepping; only realising he was interrupting at the last minute. "Um sorry I..."
"No, ah...it's okay." Jay muttered as Jay broke the gaze to look at Mouse while Erin stared at her desk. He rubbed the back of his neck and stepped towards Mouse. "Remind me to tell Ruzek I'm staying with him; I can't find my keys."
"Okay, buddy." Mouse said, taking one last glance at Erin; who was still looking at her desk; before he followed Jay down the steps.
Erin waited a few seconds before raising her head again to look at the steps; sighing sadly as she did.
#######################
Erin was sitting on her couch; her feet resting on the coffee table; a few centimetres from her bottle of beer; her cell phone in her hand. She was dressed in her black sweatpants and Jay's old black hoodie; her go to lounging around outfit.
She sighed and tossed her cell phone onto the coffee table and picked up the bottle of beer to take a gulp. She had enough of Kim's Instagram account; she didn't need to see the fun she was having in Las Vegas.
She was suddenly regretting not taking Spencer up on her offer of the trip to Vegas. Yes, it would have been weird going on the bachelorette party of the girl who was marrying her ex but at least she'd be in Las Vegas. She was sure she could have broken away from the group and did her own thing.
She closed her eyes and sighed; picturing herself sitting poolside; surrounded by cocktails and hot lifeguards. Yes, she had decided; after everything had settled in work after Jay's wedding; she was going to book a girls mini break with Nadia and Kim; she really should have done that when Jay first left for Syria.
The ringing of her cell phone forced her to open her eyes. She groaned and reached for her phone; her eyes widening as Jay's name flashed in front of her. She quickly pressed accept. "Hello?" She stated.
"Hey, this is Candy at Club 390." A girl's sickly sweet voice stated. "I hope I'm not getting anyone in trouble here but this is Jay Halstead's phone and you're listed as his I.C.E. on his phone."
Erin sat up straight; taking her feet off the coffee table; Jay still had her as his 'In Case of Emergency'. "Is he okay?" Erin asked.
"The poor guy...I think he's had a little too much to drink and those guys he was with took off and left him." Candy stated. "Two guys went off for a private dance and never returned and the others, well; I think they were looking for a diner for something to eat."
Erin sighed; silently cursing the boys in her head; wondering how they could just go and leave him. She expected this from Ruzek or Will but Olinsky, Dawson, Atwater and Mouse; that was a surprise. "I'm on my way to get him." Erin stated, already pulling on her shoes.
###############
Erin walked through Club 390; scanning the club for any of the boys. She had got hold Olinsky and Mouse. Olinsky had left the boys after a few drinks; before they even reached the strip club; he was at home with his wife. Mouse was in the bathroom of a diner; looking after Ruzek; both he and Dawson had left to get some food to try and sober up Ruzek; leaving Jay in Atwater and Will's care but they obviously didn't know as they were getting a private dance.
Mouse had offered to come and get Jay as soon as he and Dawson got Ruzek sorted; especially as he knew Jay had no keys to get into his apartment. Erin however, told him it was okay, she was there now; she might as well get him.
She stopped a few feet from the bar; spotting him slumped in the corner and sighed. He looked helpless but still adorably cute; just like the first time she had to rescue him from his own drunkenness.
Erin stumbled in Jay's apartment; practically dragging Jay along with her; as he stumbled over his own feet; most of his weight resting on Erin. She sat him down onto his couch; finally relieved to have made it to his home.
They had been partners for almost two months and she had quickly established in the very early days of their partnership that Jay could not hold his drink like her. The night had started like any other night; they had headed for after work drinks at Molly's but it quickly went downhill. Jay was finishing his drinks twice as fast as her.
Finally, after a little coaxing, he admitted why he was drinking; today was the anniversary of his mother's death; her 3rd anniversary and when he had phoned his dad after almost a year of not speaking; his father's secretary told him he could not take the call; he was busy.
She reached over Jay to grab the comforter lying over the back of the couch. She felt Jay gently grip her wrist. She looked down at him. "Thank you for being there for me." Jay stated; his words slurring.
"I'm sure you'll be there for me too." Erin replied with a soft smile to soothe him.
She felt him pull her down onto his lap; their eyes locking. His hand reached up; his thumb gently grazing her lips. "Do you know how kissable your lips are?" He asked, leaning into her.
Erin gently pushed her hands against his chest; creating a little space. "Jay, don't do something you're going to regret in the morning." She softly stated. "We're partners, remember?"
Jay sighed and gave a small laugh before resting his head against the couch. "Yeah." He sighed; releasing her from his hold.
Erin slid off his knee and fixed the comforter over him; just as he fell asleep.
She walked towards him and sighed. "You never could handle your drink." She looked up at the girl behind the bar. "Candy?" The girl nodded. "Thanks for the call."
"I didn't know what else to do." The girl stated. "I hope you're not mad; a lot of grooms come here for the bachelor party but I swear; he didn't do anything."
"Relax Candy, I'm not his future bride." Erin replied. The girl looked confused. "But thank you for assuring me of his innocence...I am sure his fiancée will find it comforting."
The girl nodded. "Do you need me to get security to help you out?" The girl asked.
"Nah, I got this." Erin replied; fixing Jay's arm over her shoulder as she placed her arms around his waist; ready to heave him up. "It's not the first time." The girl nodded, knowingly.
"Hey Erin! You came!" Jay slurred; his eyes finally opening as Erin heaved him up into a standing position. "Wait, are we in a strip club?"
"Oh don't worry hon, you were too out of it to get up to any mischief." Candy reassured him as Erin inwardly groaned.
"Um, thanks?" Jay replied, confused; his speech slurred. He followed Erin as she dragged him towards the exit. "Who was that? She seems nice."
Erin inwardly groaned again; they boys were definitely going to pay for this.
############
Erin stumbled into her apartment; dragging Jay with her. She closed the door behind her and tossed her keys into a bowl before continuing to lead him towards her bedroom; deciding if he was going to be sick, it was easier to clean it off her bed sheets compared to her couch and rug.
She could feel Jay's fingers gently toying with the hood and strings of his hoodie. "I can't believe you still have my hoodie." He slurred as Erin sat him down on the bed. "After all this time...you still have it."
"What can I say? It's comfy." Erin replied; bending down to pull off his shoes. She could handle his vomit on her sheets; but not glitter from the strip club. She straightened herself back into a standing position and felt Jay's fingers delicately grazing her waist. She looked down at him; her eyes questioning him.
He looked up to meet her eyes; his green eyes staring right back at her. "It looks better on you than it did on me." He softly stated. If Erin hadn't have known better; she would swear he was sober.
She felt his fingers slip under the hem of the hoodie; his fingers delicately tracing small circles just above her hips. She gasped; after all these months, she had forgotten the magic of his touch. "Jay..." She sighed.
She knew she should push him away; warn him of what he was doing; remind him of what he was at risk of losing but the words wouldn't come. Her skin was tingling under his touch; there was a burning sensation stirring between her thighs.
She felt Jay remove his hands from her waist and instantly she felt cold; she found herself worrying that he had realised what he was doing and was going to stop. Although she knew it was the right thing to do; at that moment she didn't want to do the right thing; she wanted to be wrong; she wanted his touch; his kisses; she wanted him.
She felt Jay's hands reach up and pull down the zipper of the hoodie; exposing her black lacy bra. She felt him brush the hoodie to the side, causing it to slide off each shoulder. He gripped her waist and pulled her into him; causing Erin to gasp again.
He looked up at Erin; their eyes momentarily meeting. She could see the lust and hunger burning in his eyes; she wasn't the only one wanting this; needing this. She chewed her lower lip and shuddered as she felt his lips beginning a trail of butterfly kisses against her stomach as he reached up and squeezed her breast through her bra.
She groaned; her knees becoming weak; struggling to support her weight. She reached out; delicately placing her hands on Jay's shoulders to support her. She felt Jay's fingers move down her body and slip between her waist band and hips.
"Jay..." She sighed; looking down at him. She waited for the words 'we can't', 'this isn't right', 'think of Spencer' to spill from her mouth but they didn't come. She felt him tug at her sweatpants, before they slipped down over her thighs. She stepped out of the sweatpants and kicked them to the side.
She felt Jay's lips dancing over her hip bone; his fingers teasing her black panties. She groaned; causing Jay to look up. Without hesitation, he pulled Erin down to straddle him. Erin gasped; her eyes widening as she felt him between her thighs.
She felt Jay's fingers cup her face as his lips encased hers with heated hunger. Erin gripped his t-shirt and gently tugged it. Jay momentarily raised his arms and pulled away; allowing Erin to remove his t-shirt before their lips crashed together again; their hands roaming each other's bodies.
Erin trailed her fingers down towards Jay's belt; unclasping the belt; their lips never breaking contact. She groaned as Jay's lips left hers to begin a trail of kisses down her neck, over her collar bone. Her fingers popped open the button of Jay's jeans before she pulled down his zipper; freeing him.
"God I've missed you!" Jay barely whispered in her ear before nibbling her ear lobe.
Erin pulled back to look Jay in his eyes; studying him; trying to assess if this was really happening. They were both breathing heavily; her heart was racing and she was sure Jay's heart was racing too. Again, she waited for either of them to put a stop to this; she was willing herself to say the words but they wouldn't come.
She gently pushed Jay back to lie down on the bed; he fell back looking up at her; arching his body to let her slip his jeans down his legs. Once the jeans were removed, he pulled Erin down on top of him; both of them giggling before their lips crashed together again; their hands roaming each other's bodies.
To be continued...