Act 2 Scene 4

Snape: Why have you called me out of bed at this…where did the poster of Headmaster Zefron go?

"Headmaster Zefron? Didn't see that coming."

"Nope, poor Zefron."

Umbridge: I don't care for Zac Efron. Taylor Lautner's my man.

Snape: What do you want you horrid bitch?

"Yes! Go Snape, you tell her!"

"Potter are you really cheering for me?"

"Enemy of my enemy is my friend, Professor."

Umbridge: Well Snape, it's Potter. I think he knows where Dumbledore's hiding and he's not telling me and there's this stupid rule that won't let me discipline the children. I just wish there was some way that I could get my boyfriend and kill Harry Potter.

"Well, she's not subtle is she?"

"Of course, tell the person who hates Potter for the mere reason that he exists that you want to kill him."

Snape: Are you suggesting that we kill a student?

Umbridge: Of course not Snape, that would be crazy.

"You are crazy."

We can't have crazy people running the school. But maybe if someone who also hated Harry Potter could get him for me…

Snape: Don't look at me.

Lucius: No, look at me.

"Of course it's him."

(dance)

"AH hell, that's embarrassing but I wish he would do that because I would get a free laugh."

"That's what I was thinking."

Umbridge: Lucius Malfoy, what are you doing here?

Lucius: I couldn't help but overhear your conversation and I wanted to know if you were interested in a role in the evil scheme I've just choreographed?

"Really? Is this plot a play or a murder?"

Umbridge: Well, what's the part?

Lucius: It's a meaty supporting villain role.

Umbridge: Go on.

Lucius: You say that you want to find Dumbledore and have unspeakable things happen to Harry Potter. Well, I can give you those things for a very small price.

"Please say it's her soul."

"No, her voice."

"How about her magic?"

Umbridge: I'm listening.

Lucius: First, you let my Death Eaters into Hogwarts. Our presence here must remain an absolute secret. Next, you lure Harry Potter someplace where I can have him alone. He must be alone.

"I would prefer to have Hermione and Ron with me, wands blazing and you failing."

That is of the upmost importance. I would have done this myself already if he went anywhere without that ginger and that filthy Mudblood girlfriend of his.

"You stuck-up inbred idiot!"

Umbridge: Fine. That takes care of Potter but what about Dumbledore?

Lucius: You say Potter knows where Dumbledore is hiding? Well, before I finish him off I'll use every torture imaginable to loosen his tongue.

Umbridge: Yeah, and then I get my boyfriend Dumbledore. He's probably out buying me presents, he's really sweet. I'm gonna find and crush that little criminal.

Lucius: Yes…and once you have Dumbledore Potter is mine!

"How is she going to separate us?"

"The detention, she's going to make you go somewhere else while we are stuck on the other end of the castle so it'll be harder for us to save you."

"Not to mention, Death Eaters are notorious for their effective methods." Draco paled as he said this, having seen these methods first hand.

"Oh, I know." Harry thought back to Voldemort possessing him and the duel in the graveyard. He knew all too well.

Umbridge: Fine, it's a deal.

Snape: Oh this all so illegal. If anyone were to report this sort of business to the Ministry, you both would go to Azkaban.

Umbridge: Well, that's why no one is going to report it, right Snape?

"Do it just to spite them for something."

Lucius: Come now Severus, you better than anyone know what kind of people the Potters are.

"Oh, really? What makes the Potters worse than the Snapes?"

Their arrogance knows no bounds. Something simply must be done about them for their will always be guys like Potter.

Snape knew immediately where this was going. He internally cringed at what was going to be revealed to the students.

(singing) There are so many douchebags in the world. Yes, so many douchebags get the girls. Who deserved more than absolutely anything that any charm or potion could ever bring?

Snape felt his heart break and his muscles tighten as he imagined the real Lily Potter standing there form his memory. She had always been beautiful and perfect and he ruined it.

But men like that, they have her on a string and they don't care.

Snape remembered when Potter first introduced himself to them and glared. He had been well fed and clothed plus he was cocky and arrogant with Black. They had been friends from the start and he despised their easy-going, perfect lives but he had Lily and she hated them.

For there will always be guys like Potter, to realize tears in your eyes because he got her. She'll never ever know how much you'd have brought her if you'd only done something more for the one back when you were young…

Oh, Lily, after all this time I still love you. He saw Potter's eye, the exact shade and shape of hers, looking at the screen in confusion, he didn't know everything. Those eyes were his blessing and curse; he could always see her living on but they reminded him of what he lost being on James Potter's face.

James: Hey, Sour Grapes, Expelliarmous – Impedimenta! So how'd the exam go, butt-trumpet?

Lily: Leave him alone!

James: Lily Evans…

This is almost how it went…when I lost her forever. Snape knew Potter knew this memory and his friends seemed unsurprised by seeing it but they would know now that he loved her.

Lily: What has poor Severus ever done to you Potter?

James: Well, it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean?

Lily: You think you're funny James but you're not. You're just an arrogant, bullying douchebag.

"I think your Mum just burned your Dad."

"I knew this though, they hated each other until seventh year."

If I hadn't destroyed our friendship, she might not have ever married Potter.

James: Uh, tell you what Evans, I'll leave Snape alone if you go on a date with me.

Lily: Ugh, you are such an asshole! It's so charming.

"Well, that's not how that particular memory went exactly."

"Shut it Potter." Snape was feeling his heart break all over again. This was too personal.

James: Cool, well I'll pick you up at eight then.

Lily: Okay.

James: We can hang out with my best friend, Sirius Black. You're lucky that Evans was here, wiener jacket.

Snape: I don't need help from a filthy little Mudblood like her!

"You called your best friend a Mudblood? What is wrong with you?" Snape closed his eyes, his soul now breaking because his heart was so broken it didn't seem able to hurt any worse than it was then. Snape regretted those words the moment they left his lips. The Marauders had enjoyed making him pay for that slip of tongue too.

Lily: Fine, I won't help in the future. Come on James.

Snape: No wait, I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I'M SORRY!

Snape, emotionless and best Occlumens, wanted to go and just mourn again. That moment ruined his life, turned him to the Dark Lord, to a spy and giving that murderer the information needed to definitely go after his precious Lily.

(singing) So many assholes in this place, so many assholes in my face! ("GROSS!) Why can't they leave me alone to love princesses, maids, and queens? They wouldn't ever be in between.

Both: We treat them nice and never be mean and we would care, but there will always be guys like Potter. Who'll quench the flame like it's a game with drops of water. He'll never ever think her perfect as you/I thought of her.

Lucius: But now you're alone left to pout and moan 'cause you were totally powned.

Snape left the room, going to the restroom and Dumbledore let him. He couldn't blame the man, having his heart ripped open like this.

"Did she ever forgive him?"

"No, my mother never forgave him."

Snape: Alright, let's do it.

Harry looked to the bathroom and thought about what he just learned. Snape had loved his mother, but he knew she only thought of him as a friend and that's what made Snape's tongue so loose. He had started hanging out with the Death Eaters at that point and took on some of their qualities and lost his only true friend in the process. He felt pity for the man but he would never ask Hermione to forgive him he had done something so inherently evil to a friendship and relationship that the trust was important on.

"Well, that was the end, ready for the next one?"

"Shouldn't we wait for Professor Snape?"

"Let him be for a moment Miss Granger. He'll return when he's ready."