TwentyOne. Dan.

Okay, I haven't posted in awhile, a long while, but I've had exams, and I've been totally stuck, still feeling a bit stuck, any suggestions would be really welcome! Thanks to everyone who reviews and follows, it's a real morale-booster!

For the first time since he'd got back to New York, Dan went out that night, there was a bar in Brooklyn that he used to go to with Vanessa and their old friends. He thought of the bars Serena used to take him out to occasionally with the iced lights that changed colour and the cocktails and the conceptually furniture, there wasn't a lot to this bar, some booths, a bar with a few half—broken stools, a jukebox and a couple of pool tables, but it was his favourite. Even the memory of taking Serena here on their first date couldn't spoil it for him. He went up to the bar and ordered Scotch, he tried to pay Sam, the bartender, but found that some girl had already paid for him. She came across and sat on the stool next to him. She was short, maybe 5'4 at a push and she had thick dark eyebrows that defined her face, her hair was curly, tied up in an unruly knot at the back of her head and her body was neat like a shell. She was the complete opposite of Serena.

They talked for a while, she flirted but he didn't really reciprocate, he never really did. She bought him a couple of drinks and made it clear she'd like to give him more than a few tequila shots in a smoky bar. Dan considered this, he'd done this sort of thing before and he knew this girl didn't expect anything more than tonight from him.

"So, d'you wanna come outside for a smoke?" she asked him, her expressive eyebrows rising and dancing.

"Yeah, Laura, sure."

She stopped dead and laughed, "I'm Leia!"

Dan's stomach twisted like he'd just been punched in the gut. He made his excuses and the left, he felt dirty and sleazy and cheap and more like Chuck Bass than he'd ever thought he would. He felt all wrong; he wanted to feel like himself again. He tried to call a taxi, shit, he was wasted, he sat down on the concrete steps of an old brownstone and got his phone out. 15 missed calls: 1 – Dad, 14 – Serena. He dialled for Carlos, his drinking buddy from college. The phone had almost rung out by the time Carlos picked up.

"Shit, Carlos, I fucked it all up properly this time. Everything's all fucked up."

There was a pause, Dan could hear Janice asking Carlos who was on the phone. Janice and Carlos had been on and off for moths until Carlos finally gave up sleeping around and decided to be with her, he had urged Dan to do the same.

"You're wasted Dan."

Dan laughed, "I know, right? But that's not the problem, man, I can't fix it!"

"Look Dan, I'm kinda busy at the moment, can I call you back?"

Pause.

"Sure, sure whatever man, get back to Janice. I'll be okay." But Carlos had put the phone down before Dan had finished.

He got up and looked for a taxi. All his friends had got it together, it was just him left now, even Chuck Bass was less fucked up than him. How did he end up the dysfunctional one? Wait, he knew, Serena van der Woodsen, and in that moment, he wished she had never come back from Connecticut and that she had just left him to being himself.

He climbed into the cab and slurred out the address of the apartment. He didn't want to go there but he didn't know where else to go, he had no-one and no place. He should have gone home with that Leia/Laura girl; at least he'd have had something to do for a couple of hours. He pulled out a cigarette, he never used to smoke.

"No smoking." Said the cabbie, Dan offered him a smoke and he took one without saying anything more about it.

"Rough night?" the cabbie asked him.

Dan thought about it. The drunken cab drive home was a new experience for him. He wasn't proud of the fact that he had almost never gone out drinking without picking some girl up. Countless nameless, faceless girls, all melting into one girl who was infinitely inferior to Serena. Josie, Evie, Anne, Isobel, Claire, Marta, Bailey, he could remember some names and he could remember some faces, but he couldn't put one to the other even if he tried.

"Pretty much."

He realised with a start that Blair was one of these girls. Granted, he could remember everything about that night, her name, her face, her body and very intimate detail of the sex . . . which had been very drunken, occasionally fumbling and overpoweringly desperate. If he was honest, the act of sleeping with Blair hadn't meant anything to him; it was how sleeping with Blair had affected him and Serena that meant something to him.

They had arrived, he got out the car paying the cabbie and walked into the elevator surprisingly steadily - he wasn't a lightweight by any standards – and waited to be delivered to the apartment. When the doors opened, he saw his father's suitcases and felt a slight twinge of surprise. He had almost made it to his room when Serena came out of hers. She could tell how drunk he was, she knew him well enough for that. She pushed him into his room and followed him inside.

He sat down in the armchair in the corner of his room, smoked another cigarette, watched her pace the room.

He could hear footsteps coming down the stairs, he opened his mouth to ask Serena but she put her finger to her lips and wrapped her long, black cardigan tighter around her, though it wasn't cold.

Dan heard the elevator doors open and close, punctuated only by a long, loud sigh and the slight *bing!* of the machinery.

"Was that Rufus?" Dan asked her, he rarely called Rufus "dad" any more, he was too embittered and detached, it would have made Rufus feel better about what he had done for Dan to continue addressing him as his parent, as a friend. Dan didn't want to do anything that might relieve Rufus of his guilt.

"Yeah." Serena said, hushing him again, as they heard another pair of footsteps, in heels. They heard the elevator doors open again, and close again.

"And that was my mom." She said in answer to Dan's silent question, she's going to stay with my Aunt Carol in Miami for a little while, until the buzz dies down."

"The buzz?"

"Didn't Rufus call you, he tried to call Jenny and I assumed he would have tried you as well . . . "

Dan cut her off early, "Why aren't they in Barbados?"

Serena was a little stricken, Dan never interrupted her. "Andrew's not your brother."

Dan didn't fully understand, to be honest, he was still pretty wasted, and was having difficulty focusing on anything or anyone.

"Where is he?" Dan asked her. She looked blankly at him, of course that was just like Serena, she never thought of the person who would be the most affected by an event, only the person who affected her the most, it was one of the few things Dan truly hated about her. "Andrew."

"Oh, em . . . staying with a friend at dorms in NYU I think . . . but I thought this meant . . . I dunno . .. but I mean . . ."

But Serena had stopped talking, Dan was dialling a number into his phone, the other line had picked up and he was speaking in a surprisingly composed manner.

"Hey Andrew, man, it's me, Dan . . . yeah I know I'm sorry man . . . look, you don't have to leave the apartment . . . I know but they're gone . . . yeah, it's your home now too though . . . if you're sure . . . call me if you need anything . . . it doesn't matter . . . whatever . . . okay, I'll talk to you soon man, later, bye."

Dan flipped the phone shut, Serena was glaring at him, her hands were on her hips, her feet spaced far apart, she was openly aggressive.

"What the hell Dan?"

Dan was utterly confused, he raised an eyebrow.

"Rufus and Lily were the reason we couldn't be together, and now that they're apart the first thing you freaking think of is Andrew, what the fuck does he have to do with anything."

Dan was pissed off now, and pissed, so he decided that for once he was going to let Serena have it.

"Can you for once in your life think of someone other than yourself? Andrew just found out that his father isn't his father and his mother lied to him, this last year had been totally fucked up for him, Christ, we can't imagine what he's going through right now. So I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for being concerned for someone who might need help! And Rufus and Lily aren't why we weren't together, we broke up because you wouldn't try and you left me. And don't say you couldn't try, I'm so fucking sick of hearing you say that, you gave up. You were always going to give up when it got too hard. I should have known that. You can't even help it, it's who you are."

She stormed out of the room, and Dan went to bed. He didn't have anything more to say to her.