Chapter 21 :

Taking the time to breath :

The next day Jane and Maura woke up around 8 O'clock and after a quick breakfast and shower loaded their car and drove to the airport.

Arriving in Boston around 3 pm strangely full of energy the two women drove to their house, unloaded their car and settled down with a cup of coffee.

Sitting there in their living room the atmosphere was much lighter than the last few times Jane was here.

Looking at Maura the only thing Jane could think about was to make up for the month they had lost but could see by reading her body language that her fiancee was still in shock and didn't want to assault her and make her uncomfortable with her desire and enthusiasm. Despite knowing what really happened and seeing no reason to say apart Jane knew that Maura needed time and was willing to give it to her.

"How are you feeling darling, you're alright?"Jane asked gently rubbing Maura's shoulder with her thumb.

"I am. Is it wednesday today?"Maura replied looking down at her cup unable to establish eye contact with Jane. She knew that now that they had discovered the truth and both made amends for their mistakes and forgave themselves and each other Jane wanted to move back with her but there was something she needed do first.

"Yes it is. Wait, don't you have an appointment with Dr Turner today?"

"Yes, in less than an hour. I'm the last consultation of the day actually. Do you mind if I go?. So much has happened that I really need to talk to her and seek her advice."Maura rep lie cleaning over leaving the mug on the coffee table.

"Sure. How about you go to your appointment while I take care of washing your clothes here and of dinner?How does that sound?"Despite wanting to moving forwards as soon as possible Jane knew that Maura would need therapy for al one time and trusted Dr Turner to guide her properly.

"That sounds lovely. I don't know if I said it recently but I love you Jane. I love how you take care of me, how you protect me and how safe I feel when I'm with you."Burying herself in Jane's arm taking inhaling her natural sent Maura had no idea what to do or what to say and knew that Dr Turner would be able to bring proper guidance.

"I promise I'll never let anyone hurt you ever again."Kissing Maura's temple Jane was eager to call her father in law to find out what he had done to punish the jerk who had her their princess.

45 minutes later Maura found herself sitting in front of Dr Turner who was immediately able to tell that something important had happen.

"So Maura, I'm happy to see you today but I thought you were in vacation with Jane?"Dr Turner asked worried that the vacations were cut short because something bad had happened.

"Yes, we flew back a few hours ago. Actually three things happened when we were there and I was eager to share those events with you."Sitting on the opposite chair Maura was relaxed, confident and knew exactly how to express how she felt without panicking or hyperventilating, things were finally right and there was nothing to be scared or ashamed off.

"I'm listening."Dr Turner nodded closing her note pad.

"Well first of all I confronted my parents on their neglect and we had a very deep and emotional conversation. They confessed that they took a step back because they knew that when I was ready I would look out for my birth parents and were scared that I might hesitate to look for them if I felt it would hurt them. They said that they didn't want me to feel hold back because I didn't want to hurt them and that keeping me from finding out where I came from was like depriving me of part of my identity and they didn't want that. They also told me that they were scared that I would choose my birth parents over them and I suppose they tried to protect themselves."

"I think it's a perfectly natural fear. No matter how much they love you and how much you love them and despite the fact that they raised you for many people DNA and blood will are things you can not compete with. "

"Yes and actually I can understand how they felt because when I found out my birth father was a criminal I started questioning myself, asking myself if I was like him, if I had it in me to hurt people you know. Despite being raised by the two most pacifist people I ever met, who were against fire arms and working as a MEdical Examiner I thought that being his daughter predisposed my to crime and hatred."

"Well as a Doctor you know that there is indeed a predisposition to crime just like for mental diseases or cancer but environmental factors, the way you were raised has also a lot to do with who you are, not to mention that the will, the desire to be different than our genes predisposed us to be is a powerful motivator."

"I know. Actually I remember sitting in Jane's apartment and she told me that there was not a single evil bone in me and that knowing my sperm donor as she calls him didn't change the amazing, smart, goofy person than I was before I found out."Saying those words Maura smiled as she remember that night, in Jane's apartment and how she hold her hand and made her feel better and how Frankie Jr managed to distract and make her laugh later.

"I think Jane is right. I think you made tremendous progress by confronting your parents Maura. You must feel relieved."Seeing in Maura's eyes that she finally had the closure she was looking for Dr Turner knew that she was definitely on the way to recovery, that she had liberated herself from something that had been holding her back from years and that now free of that burden she would be able to look t the future.

"Yes. We talked and I think we're both willing to make efforts to rebuilt our relationship. Actually my mother even gave me advice to win Jane over. She suggested that I brought her to the Carlton and use all my charm to accelerate things a little bit."Maura smiled slightly shrugging her shoulders.

"How did that go?"

"It went well. At first Jane was reluctant but she agreed to spend the night with me in the suite I had booked. Unfortunately we did not have sex. She told me that what she wanted was intimacy, too feel comfortable and safe in my arms the same way she did that night when we first kissed and shared her bed after she killed Hoyt."

"I think that intimacy is far more private and powerful and means much more than sex. You can have sex with people you don't love or don't trust but being intimate with someone is rare and can only happen when you truly love and trust your partner." Dr Turner nodded amazed by Jane's maturity and desire to do things right.

"I know and that night was fantastic. We laid in bed in our underwear, we kissed, we touched and we fell asleep and when we woke up the next morning I asked her what had happened meant and she asked me what I wanted it to mean…"

"What did you reply?"

"I said that I understood that she was not ready to move back in or to get engaged again and that I was willing to take things slow but that I wanted us to be us again and that I wasn't willing to accept having a casual or non exclusive relationship with her. I think she was impressed by myself confidence because she agreed."Maura replied somehow proud that she was able to strongly tell Jane what she wanted even if it meant pushing her away.

"I'm proud of you Maura. You were right a lot happened in just a few days."

"Actually something else happened that is not as joyful. As we were checking out the next morning we ran into Dr Hayes who's the man I…you know kissed and to give you the short version he admitted that he gave me a few drop of a home made disinhibitor to help me get in the mood."

"He drugged you?"Dr Turner replied her eyes wide opened in disbelief.

"Yes. I told you I felt dizzy and my legs were weak as we were walking towards my suite and as we were kissing and that I had barely enough strength to come come to my senses an push him away and that I woke up with a terrible hangover the next morning.."

"Yes, and we both agreed that it was probably the wine mixed with the fact that you were upset."

"Well it wasn't only the alcohol. It was because of what he gave me. He must have felt that he wouldn't get me to bed, that despite flirting with him I was not willing to go further so he drugged me."

"I'm so sorry Maura, how did you react when he told you?"

"I could not believe that he would actually brag about it. He is so delusional that he thought that I knew he drugged me and that for some reason I approved of his behavior. I was in shock but Jane was even more shocked and I was and I had to physically restrain her to keep her from hurting him. We weren't in Boston and assaulting him without her badge or her Captain to protect her against any potential charges would have been a mistake. She…the last time I saw her like that was when Hoyt slid my throat and was about to kill me."Maura replied pictures of Jane on top of him ready to punch him flashing in her mind.

"He hurt the woman she loved, it's perfectly natural for her to react in a physical way especially when we know how protective she is over you. Are you going to press charges?"

"No, unfortunately I won't be able to prove anything as I'm sure he doesn't keep this drug where it can be found but my father is going to make a few phone calls and after he's done with him I doubt that even a veterinarian clinic in Nepal will be willing to hire him."Maura smiled savoring her vengeance knowing that her father was going to do what ever he took to make sure he would not be able to hurt any one ever again.

"Well. How..How do you feel and how does Jane feel about that new information?"

"She blames herself. As you know we argued before I left and she's convinced that it made me more vulnerable to him, that if we hadn't had that fight I would have not flirted with him and I would have been more cautious. Personally I also feel guilty for being naive and letting me drug me but most importantly for not realizing I was drugged. I'm a Doctor, I know the symptoms of those drugs, I should have realized."Maura replied clenching her first on the fabric of the couch.

"Maura look at me. Those drugs are made to make you forget and you were slightly inebriated. I'm sure I would have not realized it either. Now that you know that what you did was encouraged, that it was not an act of sabotage from your part you need to both move forward with you relationship."

"I know. I think I still have, we still have work to do but yes Jane and I decided to move on. Actually she is at home right now taking care of dinner for us."Maura replied smiling at the word home.

"Is she moving back in with you?"

"No. I told her that I needed some time to make peace with what happened to me and she agreed. She also agrees that I need more therapy that even if I didn't cheated for the reasons we thought I still have self esteem issues and that stopping therapy now would be a mistake."

"That's very good Maura. I think that staying apart for a little while is the more reasonable things to do. You know people are quick to jump out of relationship when something bad happen but they're also quick to jump back in. I think that taking a step back to breath and spend time with yourself can be beneficiary. What I'm wondering though is are you planning on giving her this ring at some point?"Dr Turner asked pointed at Jane's engagement ring that Maura was still wearing around her neck.

"I don't know. I think she wants it back but I can't give it back to her until I feel ready to let her move back it. I just need some time to rest and as you said take a deep breath before stepping back into our lives the way it was."Maura replied rolling Jane's ring between her fingers.

"Take as much time as you need. Jane loves you and she understand that what you have discovered is painful and that you need time to heal and so does she. As long as you don't push her away and you keep talking the two of you should be fine."

"What about sex?I mean now I'm pretty sure she's ready and it's not that I don't want to. I just…sex with Jane was never about sex it has always been about connecting our minds and bodies about becoming one really. I never experienced anything like that in my entire life and right now I don't feel ready to give myself completely." Despite her burning desire Maura was still hesitant and knew that she needed to clean herself from past failure and wait for her wounds to heal before being able to share this incredible experience that making love with Jane was.

"Then take all the time you need and enjoy yourself. You know most people would love to have a second chance, to have the opportunity to start fresh, free from past mistakes and anger. You have this opportunity Maura, take it."

"I most certainly will. Thank you Doctor."Leaving her office Maura felt refreshed, Dr Turner was right : Jane and her had a chance to start fresh, to put the past behind them and to focus on their future without of course forgetting anything but learning from their mistakes and she was eager to go home to Jane and talk and start planning their future again.

Later that day Maura drove home only to find Jane in the kitchen cooking dinner for the first time in a long time.

"Hey there, it smell delicious."Taking her shoes and coat off , tossing her keys on the kitchen counter Maura was surprised to see that Jane had actually cooked a proper meal instead of ordering take out.

"I made Ma's lasagnas, I know they're your favorite. I'm not sure they're gonna be as good as hers but I made them with love."Jane replied kissing Maura's forehead.

"And I'm sure I'm going to love them but right now I would love to take a bath."

"I knew you would say that. Follow me."Dragging Maura towards the bathroom Jane knew that this evening was going to be perfect, to be the kind of evening they used to share before they broke up and started to feel that things were coming back in place.

"OH Jane…"Stepping into the bathroom Maura's eyes were immediately caught by the bubble bath Jane had drawn her and the candles she had lit around the bath tub.

"Dinner should be ready in 45 minutes so you have all the time in the world to relax." Jane whispered standing behind her as she gently started massaging her shoulders.

"Will you join me?"Maura asked biting her bottom lip as she turned around looking at Jane straight in the eye.

"Absolutely."Jane replied closing the door behind her.

That night Maura and Jane slid into the bathtub together, Jane positioning herself behind Maura and Maura placing her between Jane's leg. Laying back again Jane's naked body feeling the water caressing her Maura felt safe, safe enough to share her thoughts about her therapy session and to ask Jane to join her for her next session. Jane on the other hand was also finally able to completely relax and as she started to massage Maura's shoulder was glad to hear her talk about her session with Dr Turner with such optimism, to hear her talking their future, not as something she wanted but as something she was going to make happen confident that she was worth it.

Yes that night the two women shared another intimacy moment, naked this time and took a step forward toward complete reconciliation.

Alright guys I think this story is coming to an end. I think I should write a chapter with Jane going in therapy with Maura and after that the very last chapter. So here we are two chapters left and this story is over.

I hope this chapter wasn't too boring but Maura really needed her therapist's help to tell her she was doing things at the right pace you know…

Thanks for the support.