Can we all just take a moment to appreciate Luce-Luxe for asking me to continue this? *slow claps*
I'm a bitter butter person.
Whatever time it is, it's too early.
You've got a blinding headache, a hangover would be the correct term, and fumbling for your phone on the hotel bed's side-table with its buzzing is feat enough. Somehow managing that, you squint at the screen at groan out loud.
12:08 PM.
That's about six and a half hours since your flight left, and you overslept. You don't know what to groan about exactly - the throbbing headache, the fact that ever-so-responsible you missed a flight because you were too drunk to stay up or the fact that you're still in Toronto - the place you wanted to get away from to forget Gail.
Gail.
The thought of her makes you groan out loud once again and fall back into the untidy bed. God what was last night? You can't remember much right now, you can't think much right now either. It takes you five minutes to actually will yourself out of bed and get a glass of water. Sitting on the edge of the bed and forcing some water down your dry throat, you take in the mess of the room, your last night's dress strewn across the floor, shoes scattered near the door, bits and pieces from last night flash back to your memory and you immediately shake them off. Right now, you're bitterly cross with yourself for actually missing a flight.
Calling to order some room service and checking for flight details for the next plane out of here, you learn that the next flight you had was one tomorrow evening via New York. It would have to do.
Clutching a cup of rather thin coffee and staring out the glass window of the hotel, you're mentally accosting yourself. This day was supposed to be the day you were finally free of someone who had plagued your mind, your mental rebirth of sorts- and here you are - stuck in Toronto for another day, hungover and with absolutely no intention of doing anything but sit in this hotel room till you could leave.
The silence of the room is depressing, you could turn on the television and distract yourself for a while, but that hadn't helped over three years, wasn't certainly going to help you now. A hot shower later and clearing up the room as much as you can, it's depressing again. Perhaps it was this headache that was getting you down.
Trying to get back to sleep, you can hear your phone buzzing again, and checking to see who it was this time, that elicits your third groan.
It was Gail, of course it was Gail. But right now, you just want to hole up in this room and never see daylight again. So you shove the phone back face down on the side table and go back to sleep.
Late in the evening, you're feeling a bit better so you decide to venture around the hotel, which happened to be just as depressing as the room - full of people rushing about on their phones, conversations everywhere - the silence in your head is pressing hard against these imaginary walls. It seemed so weird to be an adult with a random day off with absolutely nothing to do, no one to talk to and nothing to distract you. Seeing a rather greasy bar across the street from the hotel, you throw caution the wind and decide if you were going to be stuck in Toronto for one more night, might as well drink it all away when you had the chance.
On your fourth drink of vodka for the night, with barely any people in the bar - well if you assumed crowds depressed you, this lonely place was quite worse.
This world wasn't made for people who were all alone.
Finishing up the drink and ordering another one, you hear someone that sounded so comfortingly familiar.
"I've not become the ex you screen calls from already, have I?" Gail jibes, sitting on the stool next to you and ordering herself a drink. For a minute you think it's your mind playing its tricks - except you know that isn't the case. The Gail that your mind taunted you with had short hair, a shoddy haircut you had given her yourself -and this person you see sitting next you has significantly longer hair.
"What are you doing here?" she asks with that little laugh of hers and taking a sip.
"Missed my flight. Overslept. Next flight's tomorrow evening." you own up grumpily, too grumpy to feign any dignity. Besides, you're mentally severing the connection between whatever this unexpected bump-into with Gail was going to bring and any emotion that you were going to feel. You've got the rest of your life to mentally curse yourself over past mistakes anyway, right now you don't want to feel anything.
Gail however snorts and can't help jibing on hearing that.
"The most responsible Dr. Stewart missed her flight because she was hungover? I'd never thought I'd see the day!" she laughs to herself, setting her phone on the table. You really can't say anything but nod, taking a huge sip of your drink.
"You know, it's funny I should see you here." Gail muses, seemingly lost in thought far away.
"Why?"
"It just is." she dreamily replies.
"What are you doing here Gail?" you ask her, but you know there are other questions on the tip of your tongue.
"I just wanted to check out this - "
"Tell me about her."
Gail knows very well who you're referring to, and smiles a shy smile at her drink before continuing.
"She's amazing. She knows precisely when to call me out on my bullshit, and when I get myself up a tree - she just chops it down." she laughs at her own words and you trying to not feel anything at this conversation was becoming harder by the moment.
Still with the cat analogies, Be still my heart.
"I'm going to ask her to marry me." Gail finishes with a sheepish smile and toys with her glass.
Whatever that last sentence was, it goes right over your head, you're too slow to process that sentence right now, but surprisingly - you can react to it. Behind a long gulp of your drink that is.
"Well Congratulations." you smile, totally unsure of where you're drawing your composure from because that last sentence just managed to drain you of every remaining bit of your sanity.
"Do you love her?" you ask, and then you kick yourself. Of course she loved her. There was no question about that. But seeing Gail falter a bit before answering that question gives you this tiny breath of air.
"I - I care for her very deeply. " she replies, sobering up from her laughter. "I could love her."
For the first time since Gail sat next to you, you turn to look at her, a look of surprise all over your face.
"Come on. I can't be expected to fall head-over-heels in love with every amazing woman I meet." she reasons, but your brain is in overdrive now.
"You couldn't even answer that you love her - "
"The last woman I madly loved left me to go to San Francisco." she bites back, and that's enough to shut you up.
"I guess the woman that I care for deserves something." Gail finishes, gulping down the rest of her drink. You're too stunned to say anything and just wait in silence for the bartender to pour the two of your drinks.
"I came here to check out the place because this is where I wanted to propose to her." she states looking ahead and drumming her fingers on the table as you drink that in.
"We had our first date - of sorts here and I wanted to see if I could make something of this place." she sighs, and your emotions are on the verge of boiling over now. What you wouldn't give to be the one Gail was planning a surprise proposal for, but you aren't - through your own fault. You can't bring yourself to say anymore, you just can't.
"It's funny - " Gail begins, explaining her earlier statements, probably feeling a little Dutch courage.
"It's funny because till yesterday - till that moment I found my name tag in my pocket, I was sure of everything. And now - it's all confusing again." she mutters, shaking her head in disbelief. It must have been hard for her - to be so sure of one thing one day and then uncertain of it the next.
Silence falls once again, save for some muted music playing somewhere and you've got to admit - this silence sitting her with her seems quite better than the silence in your hotel room, the silence in your home and the silence you've found everywhere else.
"You might want to propose somewhere that isn't this gloomy." you reply, finally finding some words. Gail of course laughs at that.
"Yeah, I probably should." she smiles, taking a look at the rather grim bar.
Gail's phone suddenly flashes, probably a message from her girlfriend.
"Well I've got to go. You - pick up my calls next time? " Gail states, gulping down the rest of her drink and paying for it, and you nod in reply.
As Gail's stepping out of the bar, you really can't shut your mouth for another minute.
"Would you invite me to your wedding?" you ask out loud. Oh the words 'Plus-one-forever' are just taunting you now.
Gail just smiles at that, and with a quick "Yeah" heads out the door.
You finally take a shaky breath and can't stop a tear from rolling down your face.
It was going to be a miracle if you woke up sober for your flight tomorrow evening.