A week passed. Dimitri moved in with Bailey and I, making us finally look like a family. Bailey and Lissa healed and everything went back to normal. Atleast... Almost back to normal. The entire week, all I could think about was Lissa. How I'd saved my daughter over her. How I'd put a dhampir life in front of hers when I had promised my life to her. I'd failed as a guardian. I'd broken the oath I'd made to her. I couldn't stop thinking about it. On Friday, Adrian and Christian offered to watch Bailey to give me and Dimitri some alone time, and plus I hadn't really let her out of my sight since she'd been kidnapped. I wanted to focus this time on just being with Dimitri, and just us having time together, but I couldn't clear my head long enough for that.
"Roza." He finally said, breaking my concentration.
"Yeah?" I said, looking up to meet his eyes.
"Whats wrong?" He asked. I shook my head.
"Nothings wrong. Why?" I said. He knew me too well, and I knew he wouldn't buy that.
"Rose… Bailey's been gone for almost an hour now, and we've been sitting here in silence. Something's wrong with you. You know it, and so do I. Now… whats wrong?" He said. I sighed.
"I'm just thinking." I said.
"About what?" He asked.
"About me being a guardian." I murmured. My voice broke.
"What do you mean?" He said, getting up to come sit next to me.
"After everything happened with Liss and Bailey… It made me realize that… I can't put her life before my own daughter or before yours. To keep Lissa alive I'd have too, and I can't do that." I said.
"What are you saying?" He asked. He knew what I was getting at.
"I don't…" I took a deep breath. It was hard to say it, but I had to admit it to myself before I could actually go through with it. "I don't think I can be Lissa's guardian anymore." He just stared at me.
"Rose.. Are you-" I nodded.
"I can't keep pretending that she's more important than my family. I love Lissa so much. She's my best friend… but I can't protect her anymore. I can't keep pretending… because its going to get her killed." I explained.
"But being Lissa's guardian is all you ever wanted." He said.
"That was before I had a family." I whispered. He just stared at me, and smiled.
"What?" I asked, confused. He shook his head.
"You just amaze me. It amazes me how self-sacrificing you are." He leaned forward and took my face in his hands. "You're the most amazing person I've ever met in my life." He then pressed his lips to mine. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck, knotting my fingers into his hair. I pulled away from him and sighed.
"Are you sure that's what you want? Do you really not want to be Lissa's guardian anymore?" He asked. I took a deep breath.
"I have no choice. I wont let her die. She needs someone fully dedicated to her and who will protect her. I can't do that when I have a daughter. Maybe when Bailey goes off to school I can, but right now… I can't do this. I can't put her in jeopardy and I can't put Bailey's life in jeopardy either." I said. He nodded.
"I understand." He whispered. He moved my hair out of my face, and smiled.
"I just don't know if I'm going to be able to tell her." I said.
"She'll understand." He assured me.
"She wont. She doesn't have a child. She doesn't know what its like." I said. He nodded.
"Very true, but someday… she will. Then, she wont blame you." He said. I sighed.
"I hope your right." I whispered. I leaned forward, and pressed my lips back to his. I traced his bottom lip with my tongue, begging for an entrance that he granted immediately. He leaned back on the couch, pulling me on top of him. I giggled against his lips as I continued kissing him. He chuckled, running his hands up the back of my shirt. His cool hands on my warm skin caused goosebumps to rise. I shuddered under his touch. He smiled against my lips.
"I love you." He murmured, kissing down my jaw, my throat. I giggled.
"You always know how to make me feel better." I said, staring down into his eyes. He reached up and tucked my hair behind my ear.
"I can't stand seeing you upset. Its always been that way. I hated knowing you were upset. Especially when most of the time you were upset with me." I chuckled.
"I hated that you pushed me away so much. You hated admitting you had feelings for me because of the age difference." I said. He shrugged.
"It didn't matter. I eventually gave in." He said. I nodded.
"Yeah, and then disappeared for three years." I muttered.
"I'll never forgive myself for leaving you, you know?" He whispered, running a hand through my hair. I smiled.
"There's nothing to forgive." I said, touching his face gently with my finger tips. He smiled.
"I'm glad you feel that way." He whispered, kissing my throat. I smiled.
"I do. I have this really strong feeling that you could do all sorts of bad things to me, and I'd still keep running back." I said. He chuckled.
"I promise I wont ever hurt you again. I'll always be right here." I smiled and nodded.
"Right here? Good… because I like this position." I said, motioning to me straddling him. He chuckled.
"I do too." He whispered, pulling my face back to his. He laughed. There was a knock at the door. I groaned. He chuckled, and kissed me once more before I got up and answered the door. I smiled as Bailey tackled me. She laughed.
"Hey there." I said. Adrian and Christian stepped in and shut the door.
"She's been played with, fed, and beat up. She's good to go." Christian said. She turned and glared at him.
"You beat me up? Please… I kicked your butt Christian." She said, sticking her tongue out at him. I smiled and hugged her.
"That's my girl." I said. Adrian was chuckling.
"Thank you guys. I appreciate you guys watching her for a bit." Adrian nodded.
"Your welcome. We had fun. Didn't we squirt?" He asked her. She nodded.
"I did." She said, beaming up at both of them. I smiled.
"Christian… do you know where Lissa is? I need to talk to her." I asked. He nodded.
"Last I heard, she's in the throne room. Is everything okay?" He said. I nodded.
"Everything fine. I just… have to talk to her." I assured him. He nodded.
"Okay." He said. "I'm going to go. I'll see you guys later." Christian hugged Bailey and left. Adrian hugged me and then kissed Bailey's forehead before leaving. I turned to Dimitri and Bailey.
"I'm going to go talk to Liss. Figured I'll give you two some daddy, and daughter bonding time." Dimitri nodded, but his eyes were intent on my face.
"Are you going to be okay?" He asked. I nodded.
"Hoping so." I said. I kissed him and hugged Bailey before heading downstairs to the throne room. The guardian out front smiled at me.
"Is Liss in there?" He nodded.
"Kay." I went in, to find her sitting in her throne, just sitting there. I walked to the center of the room, and bowed.
"Your majesty." I said. She rolled her eyes.
"Quit Rose." I smiled.
"What are you doing in here all alone?" I asked. She shrugged.
"I met with some of the other royals earlier. I just haven't left yet." She told me. I nodded.
"Oh." I said. She raised an eyebrow at me.
"Is everything okay?" She asked. I sighed.
"Not really. I've got something to tell you, and I don't know how your going to take it… So do you think you can do me a favor?" I asked. She nodded.
"I want you to look at this from a Queen's point of view and not as my best friend." I said. She looked scared. She nodded.
"Okay. I will. Whats up Rose?" I looked down and back up at her.
"Last week, in that warehouse… I wasn't the one who saved you." I said. She raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah… You did." I shook my head at her.
"No. I didn't. I sent Dimitri and Christian after you. I went after Bailey." I said.
"Rose… You guys broke into the warehouse and took on about fifteen strigoi. You saved Bailey and I." She said.
"You don't get it Liss. As soon as I was in the door, and had a free shot, I was going after Bailey. I should have been coming after you. Liss.. I'm your guardian. I'm supposed to protect you with my life. Instead.. I sent someone else off to save you for me, so I could put myself and my daughter before you. I broke my oath as a Guardian." I explained.
"Rose.. It doesn't matter, she's your daughter." She said.
"And you're my charge. I should have been running after you… but I wasn't. I didn't. All I kept thinking was 'God, my baby's in there' and then I thought of you. I knew I had to choose and I knew who I would choose before I even got to the warehouse. Lissa… I'm supposed to keep you first. I didn't… and I can't as long as Bailey is here with me." I said. She stared at me for a second before she spoke.
"Rose… what are you saying?" She asked. I took a deep breath.
"Queen Vasilisa, I'm saying that I can no longer be your guardian because I've broken my oath." I said. She shook her head.
"You can't do that Rose. I don't want another Guardian." She said, sitting on the edge of her throne.
"You don't understand Lissa. I put your life in danger. I'll always be putting your life in danger if I have someone before you, and I refuse to put you in danger like that. As my best friend, and as my queen." I said. I was trying to address her properly.
"Rose… Don't do this… Please. I want you to be my guardian." She said.
"You need someone dedicated to protecting you Lissa and that's not me. I'm not dedicated. Right now… I'm dedicated to my family. That's Bailey and Dimitri." I said. She shook her head.
"I can't believe you'd walk out on me like this." She whispered.
"I'm not walking out Liss. I'll always be your best friend." I said.
"You don't care about me enough to protect me." She asked.
"You expect me to put you above my daughter? My own flesh and blood? No Liss. She's going to come first. Maybe after she's gone to school… I can be your guardian again, but right now… I have a daughter to take care of." I said.
"I understand that, but that doesn't mean you have to resign as my guardian." She said.
"If I don't you die." I said, the words harsh, and dripping with venom as I spoke them. She recoiled.
"I'm sorry Lissa." I said. She shook her head.
"You don't seem very sorry." I shook my head.
"I am, and if you don't believe me… then you don't know me at all. I've spent all my life protecting you. How many times have I thrown myself in danger for you Lissa? I've risked my life for you. I have to take care of my family. If you think I'm not sorry for giving up my position as your guardian… your wrong. You don't know how much I love being your guardian, but that's not enough for you. I'm resigning as your guardian. Find someone else to take care of you Lissa." I snapped, turning and walking out of the throne.
"Rose… wait-" Her plea was cut off by the door closing behind me. I couldn't go back to my room because I could feel a break-down coming. I headed for the gym. I hadn't been here in awhile and I needed to take out some frustration. I grabbed a practice dummy and went berserk. It felt good to beat the hell out of something.