A Time and Place
After a week of being gone, Mom and Dad returned Saturday night from what seemed like a very exciting time away. Their newfound displays of public affection were disgusting and calculated, so I made myself scarce. Hearing your parents, all hours of the day and night, flirt, kiss, and other things should be the last thing children think about. Right? Right! So, with that being said, I thought about looking harder to find a place of my own.
When I woke up Monday afternoon, I grabbed a cup of coffee as I entered the kitchen and sat across from Dad at the kitchen table. Mom remained busy washing dishes at the sink, but it struck me odd that she didn't at least wish me the usual good afternoon.
"Dad, can I have the classifieds, please?" I asked, reaching for the bundle of paper that lay next to him. My brows furrowed in confusion as he pushed the stack closer to me without a word.
"Why do you want those?" Dad asked, still not looking at me.
"I was thinking about looking for an apartment closer to work," I stated. Something was going on and I didn't know what it was. The only way to find out what was going on in this family was to ask.
"What's going on? Is everything-," I started to ask, but my thoughts spun out of control as Mom untied her apron, quickly threw it on the counter, and fled the kitchen. With the quick look I got of her face, it was evident she'd been crying.
I take that as a no!
"Fuck...nice timing, Edward. The DA's office called this morning. I had to tell her everything thats been going on. I'll be back-" Dad said, tossing his portion of the paper down and sliding away from the table. He didn't even bother to push the chair back before chasing after her.
I released a breath, letting go of my hair that I was absentmindedly pulling. I slumped over banging my head on the table when I heard Dad call Mom as he ran up the stairs.
"Esme!"
Ya, nice timing, Edward.
My mind flashed back to the day Dad and I talked in the car outside the DA's office. I remembered the graphic details Dad shared about James Hunter Turner, his family, and the other four possible victims.
Dad still hadn't returned when I finished my coffee. So, when I left for work, I took the classifieds with me.
Arriving at work, I was grateful it was Monday and not Friday. Usually, Mondays were less busy; less car accidents and less drunks on the road to cause them.
Thinking about what transpired at home weighted heavy on me. I found my thoughts distracting as I tried to focus on the present. Part of me even wondered if she was going to somehow show up and make the night even worse with her presence and better because it had been so long since I'd seen her. I had to shake Bella from my thoughts, but tonight would be perfect timing for her to show up. She always seemed to show up on the worst of days. I still wondered if she was an angel who would come to sooth me, or the devil to taunt me.
Remembering the hurt on Mom's face was excruciating. That look was the reason I tried to keep everything I had felt since the shooting to myself. I had been angry, hurt, relieved, and scared. If I let it all out, I would have been the one responsible for the look on Mom's face, and that would have made this more devastating. I stuffed the feelings deeper down and buried myself deeper in work.
During my shift that night, I made my decision. It was time; I needed to find my own place. As much as I had joked about not having to do laundry and getting rides to work, it was never my intention to live at home as long as I had.
It was time, so while I was on breaks I used a red pen to mark potential apartments, preferably closer to work. I could make arrangements on the days I worked to view those places on my days off, and no one would be the wiser until everything was in place.
To help put things more into perspective, I thought about what I would do when, or if, I met someone I could be serious about. What was I going to tell her? "Oh, um, your place, I guess. I still live with my parents." I laughed at the image the words produced. Twenty-six years old, almost twenty-seven, in my last year of residency, and I still lived at home.
"What's so funny, Edward?" Michele, one of the ER nurses asked, startling me.
"Um...my parents," I explained, finally realizing just how tired I was. There had been lots of noise at home the last two nights. "They just got back from vacation, and I'm having a hard time dealing with it."
"Anything I can do to help?" Michele asked, rubbing her hand across my shoulder and taking the seat next to me. For just a split second, I revel in the feel of her hand on my shoulder. Michele was sweet, and married; safe.
Internally, I shuttered, thinking about a specific brunette. Why did it feel like I just cheated on her, when she belonged to someone else? I used my hands to cover my face, ashamed.
"Not unless you know of an apartment for rent close to work, so I can get some rest," I added, trying to play off my shame as exhaustion.
"Actually...I might. Do you work tomorrow?" she asked, resting her cheek against her propped up hand.
"Really?" I asked, sliding my hands down my face until I could clearly see her expression.
"Yes," she said enthusiastically, nodding her head. "Let me talk to the super and get the details."
I looked at the red circles marked in the newspaper. I counted twelve. Maybe this would be for the best. Maybe I could deal with my conflicting emotions instead of stuffing them inside all the time. Maybe I would be able to think things through having my own place instead of being surrounded by turmoil all the time.
It was time to take the plunge. I pictured my fingers and toes, crossed and smiled realizing I was holding my breath.
Tuesday morning, when my shift finally ended, I was glad and exhausted. I made my way to my new favorite hangout, the Java Joint, for my morning coffee and homemade donut or muffin. Garrett and Kate reminded me of people back in New York, but better because they knew me by name after my first visit. My first visit; why couldn't I keep the woman off my mind?
Standing there in a coffee soaked shirt, on my way to meet with the Director of Interns, Garrett had me laughing instead of crying. His wife, Kate, just smiled before she looked at Garrett.
"Aye, that's a definite impression to be made," she spoke to her husband before smiling at me again. She placed a strawberry and cream cheese muffin on the counter; "On the house."
"Now, off with you, woman... before you embarrass the young lad," he spoke snapping at towel at her from behind, laughing.
"Enjoy," he said, pushing the muffin closer. He was still laughing and sparing comical looks at his wife.
Before I finished my coffee and muffin, Garrett was showing me around his "home away from home." His book collection, though worn and used, was impressive. I was shocked to discover that a lot of medical students came in to study because he had an extensive medical library far in the back. Somewhat outdated, but still very useful, and they were open till midnight or one in the morning, depending on the night.
Their son Benjamin worked the night shift because he was attending the University of Washington for Architecture.
I remembered thinking how I couldn't wait to introduce my father to the place. Maybe, just maybe, he'd be willing to donate a more up-to-date medical library to them. Lord knew that he updated his personal library every other year.
"It's a tax write-off," he explained, as I headed off to medical school with a year old medical reference
I entered the library portion of the shop with coffee and newspaper in hand. Finding my favorite nook, I sat in a lounge style chair with a table next to me and relaxed as I continued to make red circles around potential places.
Yone had to look behind the wall of books to find it. Being her many times before, I had yet to be disterbed or found anyone already there. That caused me to believe it was not a well-known spot. I enjoyed the feeling of being a part of something without being seen by everyone who frequented the little slice of heaven known as the Java Joint.
I could feel my eyelids getting heavy but didn't want to leave. There was so much positive energy that filled the place. Begrudgingly, I made my way past the front door and headed home. I hoped the house was quiet, because honestly, I really wasn't in the mood to face my parents.
"How was your shift?" Mom asked as I entered the kitchen. Apparently Dad had things he needed to do. Had I not seen her crying the day before, I would have believed she didn't have a care in the world. But I did and couldn't get it out of my head.
"Long but uneventful; runny noses and stomachaches mostly," I explained, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.
"That's good," she replied. Something was going on; I could hear it in her voice. I took a long drink of water before walking behind her. I stood there with my chin resting on her shoulder. The skin on her cheek was tight; I could tell she was smiling.
"What?" she squeaked.
I stayed silent and angled my head slightly to get a better look at her. She knew what I wanted. I waited for her to spill at my unasked question.
"You, Edward Anthony Cullen, are as bad as your father," she said as her smile grew. We'd had this thing, a knowing or familial connection, between the two of us for years. Something was bothering her, and I was waiting for her to let it out. "I hope the poor woman that sets her sights on you knows what she's getting into."
I waited. She'd give in sooner than later. It was just a matter of time.
"Fine," she exhaled, frustrated. When she turned her face to me, I just blinked and tilted my head. She laughed. "Coffee?"
"Water," I stated, showing her the bottle in my hand.
"Cookie?"
"You're stalling," I coaxed. She let out a breath.
"Do you regret moving to Seattle?" she asked, not looking at me but at the ceiling instead.
"What? God no. What's going on, Mom?" I asked, stepping back, confused. Honestly, I didn't know how I would have dealt with a call in the middle of the night telling me my father and mother had been assaulted while I was that far away. Actually, I do. I would have been on the next available flight and would have thrown my career out the window.
"Come sit down."
I followed Mom to the kitchen table taking the seat directly across from her so I could see her face. Dad was right when he used to tease her saying, "You wear your emotions on your sleeve; you're an open book."
"I don't know how much more this family can take. We're all so close, but it feels like worlds separate us. Does that make sense?" It did, in an Esme sort of way. I nodded and let her continue. I turned my heart over to logical thinking. I could tell this was going to be an emotional conversation.
"I worry about you kids constantly. Emmett and Rosalie...being undercover police officers, put their lives on the line every day and I know they can't, and don't want to, discuss the things that happen at work. It has to be so hard holding all the ugliness they see every day inside. Honestly, I don't know how they do it. Don't get me wrong, they're perfect together. I couldn't imagine anyone else in the world that could deal with your brother, except Rosalie."
"And your sister. Lord knows what kind of trouble she'd find herself in if she hadn't found Jasper. She was such a handful growing up. Could you imagine what she'd be like if she would have married that kid, oh what was his name? Melvin, Mathison. What kind of trouble she'd have found herself in?" I shuddered as I considered the possibilities of Alice and Maverick.
"Maverick, and unfortunately, I can. That kid was a bad influence. I was so glad Dad was able to keep Alice from leaving with him," I agreed with a shudder rolling down my spine. Flashes of my father pulling Alice from that kid's death trap of a car spun around my head.
I was getting ready to head off to college for the first time when Alice and Dad came through the house yelling and screaming. Dad held Alice tight as she kicked and thrashed, trying to get away. I heard the squeal of tires from the open front door. The louder Alice screamed about how much she hated him, the more determined Dad's face became. A week later Maverick was on the news after shooting a guard while robbing a bank five-hundred miles away. The news showed him lying on the ground, handcuffed, along with a new friend he'd made since he sped away from the house. She was cute and Alice was devastated.
"And then there's you. I worry about you so much. You watched Emmett go through girls like clothes, growing up. I don't know if you even had a girlfriend in high school, or a crush. And I fear that you may never find someone-" I barked out a laugh as her face contorted into confusion.
"Mom," I said shaking my head. "I felt Irina Carter's boobs in the ninth grade right after getting my first kiss." Mom's eyes grew wide while I continued to laugh, thinking about all the drama that was caused at her house, very grateful she never gave up my name. Ireana's parents placed her in a private school for girls the next day. I was crushed and decided then that I'd wait until I found the one. I always wanted what my parents had. I didn't look up to Emmett and his man-whoring ways. I was grateful he'd calmed down during college though he still whored around some.
Ireana taught me one thing. There are consequences for your actions, and I definitely did not like the consequences. I always got the feeling that Dad knew, though he never said a word.
"What is all this leading to, Mom?" I asked before she could get on my case about something that happened fifteen years ago.
"Almost losing your dad...I...I don't know how this family would have survived. I don't know how this family would survive losing any of you..." she spoke as she started to cry. Now we were to the heart of the matter. I moved around the table and knelt in front of her.
"Mom," I said, sympathizing with her. I had thought about the same thing a lot since the shooting. "We would have pulled together like we always do, because if we didn't, none of us would have survived the beating you would have given us," I said, finishing in a whisper as I hugged her tight.
She had been so strong in the hospital, and even after that, but it was all an act, and this proved it.
"I love you."
"I love you too, Mom."
I wasn't sure if I was telling a lie or not, but I tried to comfort her, praying what I was about to say would turn into fact.
"Mom, everything's going to work out. In the end, we're still going to be standing and still a family," I said hugging her tighter. She hugged me back, sniffling.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have put that on you," she said, releasing me and wiping at her eyes.
"It's fine. You know it is, but maybe you need to talk to Dad about everything as well."
"I know, I know. I'm just being silly," she said without conviction.
"Mom...this family has been through a lot recently, and you're not being silly."
"And this isn't even what I planned on talking to you about," she said, looking at me and laughing quietly.
"What is it you wanted to talk to me about?" I asked. She looked happier and less stressed. I couldn't imagine what more she wanted to talk to me about.
"Why on earth do you want to get an apartment?" she asked, and I burst out laughing again. So, she wanted to know why I wanted to move out. This I had a quick answer for. One that would stop her from asking further questions.
"There are things a son should never know," I said, looking away, still laughing.
"What are you talking about...Edward Anthony?" Moving farther away I laughed harder at Mom's confused, clueless tone along with the use of my middle name.
"Especially, when said son, doesn't have a sex life of his own," I finished, moving quickly toward the stairs. Though I felt lighter now, I shuddered again at the memories of loud, midnight activities. There really were things a child shouldn't know.
"Edward Anthony Cullen!" she shrieked, her voice full of humor, laughing.
Reaching my room, I closed the door behind me. I collapsed on my bed, thinking about my newest distraction: Apartment hunting.
A:N Welcome back everyone... glad not everyone has flounced, though I don't blame you, you are missed. For those that have stuck around, here is a new chapter. Can't wait to hear your thoughts about the journey so far.
I want to welcome all the new followers and those who have fav'd Focal Point. I hope you take the time to let me know your thoughts.
On other news, the winners of The Heart of Country Contest have been announced. There was a lot of great stories and I hope everyone enjoyed reading them. Most of the reviews for Home, not Home, Home (my submission) hoped that the story would continue and they will not be disappointed because there is much left to be said. I just don't when I will start posting it.
Sorry, I don't have any rec's for ya'll. I've been so busy with real life, I haven't had time to read anything! :(
Snippet from TTL; Still part of Chapter 24
Thirty minutes later, Dr. Rossi arrives and sedates Charlie. Things are once again quiet.
"Ms. Swan, I'm going to make a call and see if there is something I can do. I hate to suggest that you may have to keep him sedated temporarily, until we can get him in somewhere that is better equipped for his needs. In his state of mind and yours, this is not the answer."
I'm defeated. I can't help my own father. He's been there for me for so many years and I can't be there for him when he needs me the most. I have to give into the fact that I'm not enough in his condition. So I agree with Dr. Rossi. The only thing I request is that he not be kept on drugs unless it's absolutely necessary.
"Ms. Swan, I understand your concern. I had my own concern about all of this myself. Personally, I think that this is more than a mental health your permission, I would like to readmit him into the hospital for more testing while we are waiting to see if we can get him into another facility. I think it might be safer for all concerned." After tonight's incident, I don't have it in me to disagree.
We wait for the ambulance to arrive. Dr. Rossi and I continue to talk. He wants to talk to a few of his colleagues to see if he can find someone I can to talk to about these things.
Monday is the dawn of a new day. Dr. Rossi calls with good news-he's managed to get Charlie moved up to the front of the list at Shepard's Landing, the facility I visited earlier.
Now that Charlie has been admitted into the hospital, Dr. Rossi wants a complete battery of tests carried out on Charlie. He wants to send Charlie to a specialist and I will need to sign papers to allow that. It will allow him legal access to Charlie's medical records.
I don't pay attention to the papers when I sign them later in the day. Dr. Rossi believes it can't do any harm to look over everything. It almost feels like Dr. Rossi is an angel, handpicked for Charlie because it's evident I can't bear the weight anymore.