Disclaimer: All Characters Belong to Cassandra Clare

Chapter 19: Own Battles

Jonathan felt the caress of the breeze along his body. He shook from the chill of the early spring and sank deeper into the hammock, enjoying the sunrays scattered across his face through the layers of leaves above his head. He was supposed to be in the hall listening to the voluntary teacher about American history and whatnot but he didn't bother attending. After all, he wasn't planning to be a great man. He didn't need any of that.

"Hey."

Smiling, Jonathan hid his face under the inside of the hammock and hummed when a cold hand touched his. Lazily he opened his eyes and they immediately landed on the blue-eyed teenager standing next to him.

"It's nice to see you here." He yawned.

Alec raised a questioning eyebrow and sighed. "Daray is looking for you. You haven't come to class at all this month."

"Would she just give me a break?"

"Maybe you should go once or twice. It's not like you have something better to do." Alec suggested as he pocketed out a cloth in which a cookie was carefully wrapped. He handed it to Jonathan. "The teacher gave us cookies. I got you one."

"Thanks." Jonathan sat up and jumped out of the hammock, leaving it swaying wildly. He pecked a small kiss on Alec's cheek before he snatched the cookie from his hand.

Alec rolled his eyes in adoration and followed Jonathan to lie down on the grass.

"Yum." Jonathan chewed and muttered. He was lying down on his side, head resting on his outstretched arm. The silence was not like the dreadful taunt he heard every night. With Alec around those low whispers seemed far away from the little heaven the two of them created. He hummed with a grin.

"What are you thinking about?" Asked Alec.

The goofy smile lingered on Jonathan's face. "You."

Alec laughed timidly and pushed Jonathan lightly on his shoulder, but the blond caught his wrist in the blink of an eye and pulled Alec on top of his body. They rolled on the fresh grasses and chuckled when they fought for the upper hand. This time, Jonathan let Alec be on top of him. He found this particular position endearing – probably because it showed that he was not afraid of giving himself to Alec entirely and the trust he had in him.

And Alec acknowledged that. Although Jonathan never said it out loud, Alec got him. He supposed that was what it felt like when you found a match in your life; you didn't have to explain anything to each other.

Alec returned the small kiss earlier and laced their fingers together. Jonathan opened his mouth to allow entrance for the tongue which knowingly teased him.

"Hm…" Jonathan moaned meekly and let Alec take control. There seemed to be walls around them that separate reality from the bliss they were in. They were in their own little world.

"Jonathan!"

His eyes instantly snapped open. Upon hearing the familiar scold, Alec rolled off and grabbed Jonathan's elbow so that he could get up faster. Daray never liked them to be outdoors, let alone having stains on their clean shirts.

As he expected, Daray frowned deeply at him and Jonathan turned his hands into fists as goosebumps ran over his body. The creepy feeling he got from Daray was intimidating, that she appeared to want to swallow him whole. Her pair of sharp eyes on her wrinkled face did not hold any signs of caresses and touches. She ordered Alec to help in the kitchen.

Alec wanted to protest, as he shared the same worrying thought about leaving them alone. Jonathan didn't want to be with her by himself either, so he caught the opportunity and excused himself. "I will go with him."

"No, Jonathan. You stay. We need to talk." Daray commanded and pointed at the ground with her bony finger.

"Come on," Alec urged, not without sparing a cautious look at the Warlock. Their hands holding, the lovebirds fled and it wouldn't be the last.

He woke to silence.

Immersed in darkness, he felt the empty side of the double bed and wondered why he was so cold. Oh, he thought to himself and picked up the discarded blanket from the floor after a few tries to grab it. He covered himself with it, and curled into a slightly fetal position, fingers playing with the iron ring he was given. The blanket couldn't fend off the coldness that lurked on his skin.

He didn't know what time it was since there were no windows or clocks in the room. Before going to bed he talked to Sebastian in the training room. The last thing he remembered was his Parabatai dragging and pushing him onto the bed, insisting that he needed rest for the upcoming events. Magically, he did fall asleep regardless of his long insomnia record. A rare occurrence, like how he could stay sane at Daray's house and afterwards.

Today, if he counted correctly, would be the day Sebastian makes contact with Alec. Jonathan sat up and combed his blond hair in an attempt to be more presentable. If he had a mirror, he would know it was futile.

Luckily Sebastian didn't undress him except for his shoes so he just had to put on his boots. He fumbled with the laces. It took him longer than usual to tie them properly because his hands were shaking so violating that he couldn't fit the end of the lace into the small loop. He managed it and finally walked to the door and exited into the bright corridor. He had to put up his arm to shield his not yet adapted eyes.

"Fuck this." Jonathan cursed as a migraine hammered his head. It never really went away; it was the demon blood. It was fighting his body and not a day would go by without the pain. Once he had thought he could grow used to it but he had been proven otherwise. It just got worse, much like Isabelle's condition.

Moaning lightly from the agony, he shuffled towards the living room. Today was one of his bad days; low level of energy and spirit. Besides, Sebastian was going to talk to Alec because Daray had summoned them near midnight. Jonathan hated that word – summon, like they were her servants. And he didn't trust her either. Whatever information she got after sniffing around, it could be a trap to lure them in.

Apart from the news from the Warlock, the fact that Sebastian was setting up a meeting with Alec unnerved him. Last time he had made a stupid mistake of taking over and writing the letter. Originally he had planned to play nice: if he could write something sweet, maybe Alec would forgive him, but when he'd picked up the pen he was too wobbly to write decently. His hands were trembling so badly that he couldn't even draw a straight line. He did try though to write the letter and ended up with ugly words.

A sudden state of panic caught him as he searched his pocket, but he instantly relaxed when he felt the texture of the dagger. Weapons calmed him. They made him feel secured. He gripped onto the handle and his knuckles whitened.

You are okay. Breathe. He thought to himself and counted his breaths. He waited until he felt less lightheaded and once again moved to his destination, not knowing what to expect from the day to come.

"I must have gone crazy to agree to come here to talk to a crazy person."

The Vampire said as he watched Magnus down a row of vodka shots. Raphael's nose wrinkled and he edged himself away from the glittery man, disgusted by the smell of alcohol and overuse of glitters. He regretted coming to a mundane club at midnight just to see a Warlock get himself drunk.

Magnus threw him a scolding glare. "I need to take a break."

"From the Shadowhunter?" Raphael asked on purpose. "The one who assisted in killing Ragnor?"

"You must be fun at parties." Magnus called the waiter over to pour him more shots. However, the mundane was stopped by a gesture from Raphael.

"I warned you to stay away from Shadowhunters. They are never good. Look at you now, what a mess!"

"It's only temporary."

"Seriously, I don't understand why you have to help him. Everyone is trying to get to your Shadowhunter and they are annoying me because they think we're close. I have to glamour myself hard to get away." Raphael complained.

Magnus, however, caught the wrong point. "He is not mine."

"Well your actions say otherwise." The Vampire rolled his eyes. He could tell that Magnus was not happy – it had happened before but never this close to the edge of sullen. Today, he saw a different side to Magnus Bane and he hated to admit that this side of him was depressing to witness.

He couldn't understand why Magnus would help the Shadowhunter, especially after finding out that he was the Alexander Lightwood. Raphael had opted to stay away but it seemed that it was impossible now, with the whole Shadow World crazed over the Experiment. Admittedly, the scene at the meeting was ugly to watch; the Shadowhunter was dragged into the hall and spelled into honesty. Although he disliked their kind, it was violent to do such things to a person without fighting ability. That rare feeling of sympathy was the reason why he didn't stop Magnus from finding Lightwood in the first place. He hoped, deep in his heart, that someone would speak up and take that kid away.

Shaking his head, Magnus smiled like a helpless father to his rebellious son. "Anything new?"

Raphael threw those weird thoughts away and leaned his back on the bar, eyes trailing the dancing figures on the dance floor. Mundanes were dancing to the beat of the strong music. "Except that everyone is frantically looking for the Circle and Lightwood?"

Magnus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Obviously he too had been bombarded by thousands of fire messages and phone calls. Raphael had noticed that the Warlock no longer returned to his apartment or carried his mobile.

"Except that." Said the Warlock.

He shrugged, trying to act casual and not let his anxiety show. The past week had been insane – news spread like wild fire and within a day people were forming networks to hunt for those Shadowhunters. He wondered if the Lightwood was aware of this, or Magnus's effort to block them away from their little safe house.

"The Institutes are on the move. They are gathering intelligence."

"Finally." Magnus said, bejeweled finger circling the rim of shot glasses. "I thought they would just dig a hole and die of shame, but I suppose even they are too brazen to lay low."

"They deny it is their responsibility to safeguard the orphanage. You know they are bastards all along. I'm not surprised."

"What have they got?" Magnus asked.

"I don't know. I never talk to anyone close to them."

"What do the rumors say? I've blocked out so much that I feel disconnected from the world now."

"I shall remind you that they remain rumors." Raphael looked around to search for anyone suspicious. It was never a good idea to let one's guard down and many glamoured themselves well. "I heard that they want to find them and kill them off."

Magnus immediately turned around and clenched his fingers into fists. The once delightful and fun cat-like eyes lost their playfulness on his grave face. He repeated Raphael's words as if he couldn't believe what he had just said. "Kill them off?"

"One of the many possibilities, but most probably. Rumors say the Institute are actually working with those experiment guys and they want to deliver the Circle back to test." He stated carefully.

Upon hearing this, the Warlock didn't seem to be in the mood to drink away his worry anymore. He put some bills under the shot glasses. "Do you need a ride?"

"No," Raphael declined, "Lily is waiting outside with the bike."

"Be safe." The Warlock whispered and without another word he swiftly walked off towards the exit. With ease he escaped the swamp of mundanes and left.

As Magnus searched for a safe place to open a portal, all he could think about was Alec. He nearly freaked out when Raphael told him the Nephilims were planning to kill the Circle and Alec. He wanted to see Alec right at that moment to make sure he was okay. Although the wards were placed, people always had ways to slip past them. After sending a fire message to tell Tessa he was coming back, he began the creation of the portal in a deadly silent graveyard.

As soon as the portal was finished, he stepped into it with his destination in mind. The scene that greeted him calmed his unsettling heart: Alec was in the kitchen looking for something in the cabinet.

The Shadowhunter asked, with his back to Magnus. "How was it?"

A small whipping sound behind him indicated the closure of the portal. Magnus let out a breath of relief. "Same old. Heard some bad rumors."

"Oh?" Alec finally turned around with nothing in his hands. His face was straight and tight. "Tell me about them."

Magnus contemplated and instead of answering the question, he asked, "Too nervous for tomorrow?"

The empty hands gripped onto the edge of the table. Alec bit his bottom lip – a sign of distress. "Yeah."

Magnus wanted to soothe him, but his unsteady first step stopped him. Suddenly he was very aware of the taste of alcohol in his mouth. He must have had a lot more drinks then he initially thought he did. Although his brain could function just right, his limps were not in his control. To avoid his own embarrassment, he remained stationary.

"Shit." He cursed.

Alec must have picked up on the hints. He smiled fondly but it didn't match his grimace and he got a hold of Magnus's bicep. "Let me help you. You must have had a good time."

"Not really," Magnus groaned when Alec touched him; his hand was cold against his hot skin. The chill travelled along his veins throughout his whole body. "I met a friend, but he brought me bad news."

At first there was a distance between their bodies, however, feeling bolder than usual, Magnus leaned onto Alec and felt the coldness that made him moaned in pleasure. It felt as excellent as sleeping on the cold side of a pillow. Alec awkwardly tightened his hand around his muscled arm and had an arm lightly wrapped around his waist, in case Magnus fell on the way.

From the closeness, Magnus could hear the small noise of Alec's breathing.

With Alec's help, they arrived at the guestroom and Magnus let go of Alec once they'd reached the bed. He landed on the soft mattress and was welcomed by the fresh smell of clean laundry.

"Give me a hand here," Alec said as he tried to remove his shoes and socks.

"Hm-uh." Magnus hummed, feeling ticklish with Alec's hands on his ankles and feet. He giggled but quickly muffled himself, burying his face into the bed sheets. His mind was so fuzzy that he couldn't think straight, and yet he remembered to maintain his cool image in front of Alec. He kicked his shoes off and attempted to hook his socks with his toes. Sadly he was unsuccessful and after a heavy sigh from Alec, Magnus gave up as well. He just let the Shadowhunter do whatever he wanted. Of course, he meant it when he thought of whatever.

Alec was gentle with him. After taking off his footwear, the Shadowhunter went on to strip him of his leather jacket. Magnus felt slim fingers slip under his shoulder and grasp the collar of the jacket.

Magnus whimpered, for he couldn't get himself to move and the pressure on his chest was building up. It was hard to breath in this position and he hoped that Alec would notice.

As if he read his mind, Alec flipped Magnus over and the latter man groaned. The lamp on the nightstand was on. Magnus had to put a hand over his cat-like sensitive eyes to shield the light away otherwise it would be too bright to look at Alec. Said man smelled the jacket and instantly put it away on the back of a nearby chair.

Then Alec did nothing. He stood there, looking at Magnus tentatively. He was fidgeting and seemed unsure of what he was supposed to do next. However, the Shadowhunter took a deep breath and bent slightly forwards, putting his hands on Magnus's belt. He unbuckled it rather quickly. Once it was loosened and he felt that the Warlock would be comfortable, he stepped back.

His messed up mind found it a great time to tease him. The words just came right out of his mouth.

"Aren't you going to finish what you started?"

Not jokingly, he could feel the chiding from the glare. Magnus chuckled at his reaction and wasn't alarmed by the fact that Alec was mad at him. After days of tension, he thought that they deserved some relaxing time. At least one of them was enjoying this moment.

"I can see you are very drunk." Alec observed.

"No!" Magnus whooped and sat up, despite his weak muscles. Alec didn't flinch when he caught the corners of his grey T-shirt. The yellowish eyes searched for the blues. "I am not drunk, just sleepy."

"Sleepy?" Alec raised a curious eyebrow.

He did it like he had done it a million times before: the back of his hand on Magnus's forehead, checking his temperature.

"You're boiling hot." Stated the Shadowhunter. Ignoring the protest of the Warlock, Alec pushed Magnus back down onto the bed and stuffed a pillow under his neck.

"I'll be right back."

In a daze, Magnus watched the man leave the room. He kept thinking that he shouldn't have that many drinks ever again. He needed to tell the others about the possible plans of the Institute. Alec could be in danger. Max was in danger.

Alec silently watched the water flowing into the bowl. It surprised him that Magnus would return drunken, eyes out of focus and steps unsteady. It was supposed to be a meeting with a friend to get an update on some news, but it seemed that the Warlock wanted to escape reality for a while.

He wished he could do the same. However, he didn't allow himself to do such. Max needed him to stay aware and rational in these circumstances. Whenever he thought about his missing child tears threatened to fall. He swallowed them and let the regret consume his soul. Countless possibilities had run through his head and he regretted going to the Downworld meeting at all. He shouldn't have left Max alone. No, he wasn't blaming Michael, just thinking that he should've been there with his son – to live and die together.

The bowl was barely full.

He couldn't stop thinking about what would happen to Max if indeed Daray and her people had their hands on him. What would they do to him? One thing for sure was that Max would only be viewed as an object and his emotions wouldn't be considered. An infant could never express his emotions. History would repeat itself ounce again: his parents were experimented on and so was he. It was as if it was an unbreakable, cursed cycle.

Magnus was right about him being too nervous to sleep but the Warlock had no idea why. He wasn't there when the letter arrived. Tomorrow – or today, Sebastian was going to write to him and say if it was the right time to meet up with others; others including the members of the Circle.

The anticipation of reunion made him anxious. He felt uneasy just meeting Sebastian, one of the kindest people he knew, and he couldn't imagine what the reactions of the others would be like. In a sense he had betrayed them. They were a group. They were family.

He turned off the faucet when the water level reached halfway. Hastily he grabbed a towel and went back to the guest room.

Back in the room the view was not amusing. Magnus had been seriously drunk and the stinky alcohol made him feel sick. It reminded him of the nights Jonathan would drink his fury and depression away and ended up hurting himself and the people around him; the days and the nights.

He hated Magnus in such a state.

Exhaling heavily, Alec soaked the towel in the cold water and let it soak. Meanwhile, he turned to Magnus who was looking at him with half-lidded eyes.

"Alec,"

The Warlock groaned and the Shadowhunter ignored him and started removing the buttons of the light pink shirt. A hand, hot but firm, stopped his movement.

Alec looked up to lock eyes with his shiny cat pupils. He couldn't move his eyes away.

"Alec," Magnus muttered. "They will kill you. All of you."

His hands were shaking regardless of the steady hold from Magnus' hand.

"What do you mean?" Lips trembling, Alec scanned for madness in those yellowish eyes. However, there wasn't anything but honesty and sincerity.

"The Institute."

"No." Alec shook off Magnus's hand and backed away a few steps. "You are drunk."

Magnus obviously heard the doubt in his voice. Alec wondered if the Warlock had indeed lost his mind, and not from the drunkenness.

There wasn't a comeback. The open-chest man simply stared at him.

He refused to believe him. This was nonsense. Why would they do such a thing? Were they not of the same blood, of the same origin? Was this how it felt like – was this how Jonathan felt when he left without a word? The devastation of being isolated and excluded, of feeling not wanted even by those who had promised to they would never leave…

They were truly alone in this battle.

A/N:

A big thank you to my beta BooksAndMusicAreLife who makes this chapter perfect.

Hello everyone, it's been quite some time and I wish you happy new year :) I hope the chapter is good.

For San: Sorry that last time I forgot to reply your comment! I have kept in mind of your and others suggestion and slip a flashback at the beginning. Tell me how you feel :D

Review is highly appreciated and I wish everyone a good day!