After heading home to shower and change, I finally got Chibs to drink some orange juice.
"You're right. It does help." He said as he placed his glass in the sink.
"I'm always right. When are you gonna learn that?" I laughed as I pulled his glass out of the sink and put it in the dishwasher.
"It's a strange thing, watching you, doing your normal day to day, wearing that cut." He came up behind me as I poured dishwashing liquid in the dishwasher and shut the door to turn it on. "Is it gay that I want to hit you from behind while you're wearing that? Cause it feels kinda gay."
I laughed and spun around, slapping at his grabby hands. "No, it's not gay. It means you're secretly in love with yourself."
"I am? Well then, can I make love to myself before work?"
"I don't think 'hitting me from behind' qualifies as making love to me, Chibs."
"Who said anything about you? This is about me, remember?" He laughed and tried to plant a kiss on my lips.
"Hey baby, umm. What was the last thing you remember about last night?"
He hung his head and thought for a second. "Passing out in the hallway."
"And I was in your lap? That's why I woke up across you?"
"Yeah, you were in my lap." He placed a comforting hand on my neck.
"Chibs, what were we doing?"
"Talking. We were talking."
"About what?" I gave him a questioning look, asking him to cut to the chase.
"Oh you know, about your dad, and you being a prospect now. All of that."
"Was I crying?"
He just pursed his lips and didn't answer me.
"Shit. I was, I was crying. Did I break down? Did anyone see me? Did-"
"No, calm down. No one saw you but me and Jax, and you didn't break down you just got a little emotional is all."
"Chibs, I cried. Where people could see me. People I don't want to break down in front of. God I probably looked like a complete idiot. I'm so embarrassed."
"No. I swear. No one saw you. I didn't see another soul in that hallway but the three of us."
"Well then how did Jax see me? Why was he there?"
"Okay. We were at the bar, the three of us. Most everyone was passed out at that point, you mumbled something about your dad and walked back there. We followed you, you said you missed him and wished he was here to see this day and share it with you. You and Jax talked a bit about the old days when he was here and what he'd say if he saw the club now-"
My head shot up. Oh God what did we say in front of him? What kind of questions did he have?
"-then you both got kind of quiet, and I'm not gonna ask about what went unsaid, if I needed to know, then I would know. Right?"
"R-right." Shit. I wasn't going to be able to hide these things from him much longer. He might say he doesn't need to know now, but after awhile not knowing was going to wear on him. I knew him to well. One day, something would happen, he would break, and I would have to spill or risk our relationship. But wasn't that part of the deal? I was part of the club now, and if I needed to hide something to protect the club, and it made my life a little uncomfortable, then that's what it took, right? But really, how much harm would it do for Chibs to know what Clay had done. As long as he could hide it along with the rest of us, then what would it hurt? But Chibs was hot headed, not level headed like Jax and I. He would have a hard time keeping this under wraps when his anger at Clay boiled over. If he said the wrong thing around Clay, his life could be in danger. Clay would go to any length to keep his secret contained from the club. It was best Chibs didn't know after all.
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"JAX! Wait! Wait! Just calm down for a second, please. Just wait a minute-"
Jax spun around to face me. "Do NOT tell me to calm down right now. He is undermining my every move. I can't do anything that's good enough for him. He fights me tooth and nail, on everything. If anyone else was running CaraCara, he wouldn't care, but no, because it's mine, he has to try to destroy it with everything he has. I don't know what to do anymore Ace. He's tearing this club apart, he's making me look like the asshole who's the one tearing it apart, I just don't know what the fuck to do anymore!"
Jax and Clay had just gotten into a very heated argument about CaraCara. Clay wanted it shut down, and Jax thought it was just because Clay hated him. "Jax, listen to me. Look at me. He may really just hate porn that much. And listen to me, yes, he's undermining your every move, but guess what, you're doing the exact same thing to him. Yes, yes, you are-" I said as he shot me a look. "And you bring up Donna almost every chance you get. You have got to stop acting like this. You are not gonna get these guys on your side if you keep acting like the hothead that has daddy and power issues. I know none of that is your problem, but that's what people are starting to think. If you love this club, if you want what's best for this club, then you have got to reevaluate your stance on this."
"It's getting hard to overlook some things. I'm having a hard time seeing it as worth it. I'm running out of rope, he's pushing for me to be gone, and he just might get it."
"Jax, no. Are you serious?" I tried to grab his arm as he moved away.
"This isn't dads club anymore, Ace. We don't know who we are anymore…and I don't know if I can bring what we're supposed to be back." He had calmed down some, but now he looked more hopeless than angry. "I gotta go."
I just watched as he sped away on his bike, feeling as hopeless as ever. I couldn't fix this one. Of all the fights between Clay and Jax, I couldn't fix this one. It was too big. I suddenly remembered my conversation with Opie the other night. He had hoped I could do something from the inside about this beef between Jax and Clay. He was up for a disappointment.
I turned to see Clay walk out of the clubhouse and come towards me. As he neared me, he paused to whisper a threatening word in my ear. "Don't forget, sweetheart, he may be your sponsor, but I'm your president. You answer to me."
It took all my strength and the thought of his retaliation not to answer, 'for now.' Clay continued past me, heading for the garage. I waited a few seconds to regain my composure before turning and heading for the garage myself. Everyone in the garage with a cut on was looking at me. I ignored everyone but Juice, who was staring at me from the corner of his eye as he stalled in front of the engine he was pretending to work on.
I walked over to the car. "What's wrong with it?"
"Oh, uh, needs a new starter." Juice replied, looking to the car then back at me.
"Can I help?" I looked at the car, he had only begun to take the old one out. I needed something to keep me busy. I didn't want to think about the things Jax had said. Would he really leave the club? Why did I get everything I ever wanted then have it all fall apart the next day. I was right, there was a limit to how much happiness a person could have.
After we finished replacing the starter in the Oldsmobile, and my mind still wasn't at ease, I looked around for something else to do. When I found nothing, I walked into the office to see if mom had any repo's ready.
"Hey sweetie, you okay?" Mom asked from over the papers she held in her hand.
"Yeah. Got any repo's?"
"Well, aren't you talkative today." She looked skeptical at my being okay, but she reached across her desk and grabbed the repo sheet.
I just pulled my hat off the hat rack and put it on before shaking my head at her and looking down at the floor.
"God, you put that cut on and you turn into Jax. I never quite know what's going on in his head, and now you're gonna be the same way."
I met her gaze but stayed silent.
"Here." She held out the paperwork to me. I took it and walked out the door before she started again.
"Sack, you busy?" I held the papers up for him to see.
He shot a look at Chibs who just shrugged at him. "Nope." He said as he got up and headed towards the truck.
Once we were in the truck and driving out of the lot Sack turned towards me. "You're gonna get me in trouble, ya know?"
"How's that?" I asked as I propped my feet up on the dash.
"Asking me to go and not Chibs? In front of Chibs? He might start thinking something's going on between us." He was trying to get my mind off the situation with Jax and Clay, and that was exactly why I had asked him to come and not Chibs.
"If Chibs was in this truck, he would try to console me…tell me everything's gonna be okay. He would do everything but try to distract me. And that's exactly what I need right now." I stared straight ahead as I spoke.
"You're still gonna get me in trouble." Sack laughed, but it was forced. God, I was being selfish by asking him to cheer me up. I wasn't his problem, and I had thrown myself on him.
"I'm sorry, Sack. I just mean…I need anything but comforting. You don't have to distract me."
"Good. By the way, you owe me twenty bucks." He held out his hand in the same fashion he had yesterday.
"For what exactly?" I was pretty sure, but we needed to be clear on why money was changing hands.
"Last night. You went over the table to go after that chick. And that's not even what it's really about. Bobby made her get up because she pissed you off, if she had pissed me off, he would have laughed. Unless of course he had been just as mad at her, which he wasn't, only you were."
"Sack, she insulted me, and by extension, the club. He should have been irritated at the least."
"He was, just not enough to make her get off his lap. Come on, fairs fair, cough it up."
I reached in my back pocket and pulled out a twenty, but before I handed it to him I went searching for a pen in the glove box.
"What are you doing? Do not defame my money. Hey, you know that's illegal, right?"
I shot him an incredulous look. "Are you serious? You're worried about illegal now?"
"Okay, you have a point."
"Shut up and drive." On the front of the bill along the top edge I wrote in bold letters, "I stole this from my sister." On the bottom I wrote, "What kind of scumbag steals from their sister?" I turned it over then and filled the back in with "Soy un perdedor" on the top, and "I'm a loser" on the bottom. I made sure the writing was nice and visible to any cashier he would be handing it too, then put the pen up and handed the twenty to Sack.
"Oh no. You gotta be kidding me! You expect me to use this now?" He laughed as he read what I had written.
"It's still usable! It might be embarrassing to use, but it's still usable. And anyway, we agreed on twenty bucks, it was mum on the condition in which that twenty was supposed to be in."
"Okay, Captain Ace Teller," He said, referring to the movie line I had stolen, "I gotcha, I see how you're gonna be."
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"Seriously Bobby?" My shoulders slumped as Bobby shook out a trash bag and handed it to me.
"It was your party, prospect, you clean the mess up." He laughed and finished his beer before crumpling the can and dropping it on the floor. "Have fun!" He shouted before the clubhouse door shut behind him.
Why hadn't I expected this? But the thought had never even crossed my mind last night. I began picking up beer bottles and cans and thongs? I grabbed a paper towel to pick the red thong up, then shot it at Half-Sack across the bar. "Do something with this, prospect."
"Aagghh!"
I doubled up with laughter when it hit him in the head.
"You are nasty!" He shouted as he brushed through his hair where the underwear had hit. "There's no telling what was in those."
"I was last night." Tig laughed as he walked into the bar from the hallway.
Half-Sack looked like he puked in his mouth.
"Wait, that didn't sound right." Tig backtracked.
"Yeah, we knew what you meant." I laughed.
"No we didn't." Sack looked sick as he turned around and continued straightening up the room.