I'd love you if I could

chapter 19 - Something to remember

"It takes 10 times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart"

- Finnick Odair ; Mockingjay

As promised, here's your chapter! Happy reading! :)

Jace's P.O.V

I shrugged off my uniform and boots as I prepared to go pick Belle up from school. It's been 3 years since we've settled down and I got qualified for this job as a firefighter. It was a close occupation to shadowhunting I guess. But, you know, for nonmythical creatures. I was still saving people, but in a different way of course. It was quite easy physically, as it wasn't as dangerous to me as mundanes. The hard part was toning down the shadowhunting skills which of course meant no flips in the air or jumping off of roofs. I just needed to focus on the job and try not to get engulfed in the flames. Easy enough.

Belle was 8 years old now and in 3rd grade. There are times- hell, every single day - when I feel guilty that Belle didn't have a mother figure. That maybe if I stayed, Clary would've gotten around and we would all skip off into the sunset like a happy family or something. But that didn't happen of course.

I rounded the corner to her daycare center and walked up to where the other parents were waiting to pick their kids up from daycare. The door opened and Belle was the first to come running out.

"Hi daddy!" Belle said excitedly. "Guess what? Today I did..." She went on telling me about her day. I apprieciated every single moment I spent with her. I had to work every single day of the week seeing as I couldn't work night shifts. And she was so much like Clary; before she got possessed.

All in all, our life was good. But I couldn't deny that it was lonely though. I didn't have any friends or family around. I never went on a single date or even made an effort to make any friends. I didn't know what I was waiting for. Perhaps I haven't yet excepted the fact that this was our life now, that there was no going back. Maybe in the back of my mind, I still believed that there was hope for us.

Clary's POV

There are a long list of words to describe how I'm feeling right now. Anxiety. Stress. Hope. Anger. Love. Loss. Sadness. Longing. The list could go on and on. But I wouldn't want to bore you.

It's been 3 days since I've heard and pieced together the story of my life. I wasn't too thrilled about the part where I remembered that Valentine was my biological father though. I prefered to call him evil, sick, twisted (you get the idea) man who forgot to use a condom. Really, when you think about it, the name fits.

The past 3 days haven't been really eventful.

Day 1 : Freak out.

Day 2: Trying to think of plan. Did not work out. Freak out again.

Day 3: Frustration has really set in. Freak out some more.

Apparently, they could not trace or track him with any of Magnus's fancy gadgets. ( He hates it when I call them that, because apparently they have feelings and have special names.)

I knew I shouldn't panic. But how would you feel if you were possessed and tried to kill your daughter. Then, the love of your life and your daughter disappears to god knows where, and you're left alone without a clue as to where to find them. I bet you would be freaking out too. Not to mention they may hate me. No. They would hate me. But I just needed to see them. I need that little bit of hope.

I laid my head on my pillow and drifted off.

*Flashback/Dream *

There was a breeze that blew across my face, splaying my hair on my face. I brushed them away annoyed, and tapped my foot on the wooden floor as I waited to enter the Institute.

There was a chime as the door opened allowing me in. As soon as I got to the second floor, I took off my coat. There hung a few leaves peeking out of the fabric. I just hung it on the rack, figuring I would pick them off later.

"Hey,"Jace said coming out of one of the room. "Missed you."

"I missed you too."I said as I stepped into his embrace. We shared a quick kiss as I sat down on the edge of the bed.

"What have you been up to all day?" I could see the twitch at the corner of his lips, looking at my appearance in amusment. I wasn't surprised. My hair was tangled and quite a few leaves and twigs have been blown in my hair. My clothes were disheveled from my frustration and I had a temporary scowl of annoyance on my face. I shook my head signalling that I didn't want to talk about it. He put an arm around me and we leaned onto the pillow.

"Where do you think we'll live once the baby comes?" I asked. I had been thinking about this question all day, so it wasn't like I just randomly asked out of the blue.

He didn't seem fazed."Where do you want to live?"

I wasn't sure I wanted to raise a child in the city. It would be so easy for her or him to get lost. I wasn't sure how I would feel to move away either. I didn't want to leave my family and friends behind. But I reminded myself that this baby and Jace were my family now too. But I also grew up in a city, and it would hard for me to leave this place.

So I answered, "Somewhere near the water. It would be so beautiful. The sunsets, the strolls on the beach. I could sit by the windowsill forever and draw the scenery. "

"How about San Francisco. You know, in California?" I gave him a quizzical look. "I've been there once with - when I was younger." He cut off. We didn't like to speak of him, so we just avoided the subject. "It would be perfect. It would be by the water. We would still be living in the city, and there are plenty of little suburbs around."

"Yeah, that sounds nice." I smiled and laid my head on his shoulder as I rubbed my stomach. He touched his lips to my head and I sighed. Not in anger or frustration, but in contentment. Because this was one of those moments when I felt completely happy, and completely sure that nothing could happen and ruin it. Well, that's where I was wrong.

*Flashback/Dream Over*

It was like a lightbulb flashed in my head. I shot up and got off the bed. There was a pulsating throb in my head and the room spun. I held my head in fear. What if I was getting possessed again. But after a moment it slowed, and everything returned back in place. Oh. Right. It was just a head rush. Talk about anticlimatic. Bet I got you all worried there. And yes between the demon possessing and therapy, I got paranoid. Big surprise. And did I mention I picked up on a bit of sarcasm to annoy Magnus when he pokes around in my head?

"Isabelle! Isabelle! Isabelle!" I hollered like maniac as I ran to the elevator.

"What?" She came running out of her room.

"I think I know where they are!" I didn't need to elaborate as her eyes widened.

"You do?"

"San Francisco!" I was practically yelling every single thing that came out of my mouth. Her face scrunched up as she tilted her head.

"Why?"

"I remember now. We talked about it once. That once Belle is born, we might move to San Francisco."

"Are you sure Clary?"

"Well it's worth a try, right?"

" So what are you going to do?"

"I'm gonna go find them." I said with determination and finalty.

A/N: OMG! I'm finally 13! Which means I'm finally a teenager!

Ok so sorry for the shortness of this chapter, but I had to write it in one sitting, and I was kinda out of it by the last page...

But thanks for the reviews and alerts! This story has over 200 reviews now! I can't believe it! And I have 105 alerts! Thanks so much! :)