Chapter 21: Weak

The two benders stood silently opposite each other. Katara still found it strange to stand in the arena, the place where she had first realised the extent of her feelings for Zuko though she had fought to deny herself at the time. She looked across at him now. Other than her name he hadn't spoken a single word and the silence between them stretched uncomfortably. The way he stood before her now it was impossible to miss the proud little boy-prince he had grown from; no one could deny he had turned into a fine man, certainly not Katara, but she could still see small hints of who he had once been. He eyed her steadily, his chin raised in defiance, his fists clenched powerfully. For anyone else he exuded unequivocal strength but Katara could see past that. Looking deep into his eyes she struggled through barrier after barrier to try and understand what he was feeling. So much pain. The suffering she discovered behind Zuko's shields almost forced her back a step, such was its force. She quickly retreated. She had gone to Iroh first, of course; he understood his nephew perhaps even better than she did. It hadn't taken much cajoling to extract the information she needed from him. Despite his nephews defiant and proud nature he knew that the only person who could help him now was Katara. He needed her. Hearing Iroh's explanation for Zuko's sudden disappearance had almost broken Katara's heart and she had raced to find him, using her much-hated authority reluctantly to get past the guards and into the arena. Seeing his despair had been the last straw as his pain rushed through her simultaneously. And now here she stood, without a single clue what to do to stop his suffering. She remembered resentfully the time Ty Lee had stolen her bending and even now she felt the pain of the memory - the utter conviction that her very soul had been ripped away. There was nothing that could ease such pain.

"Don't look at me like that." Zuko snapped suddenly, turning his back on her.

Katara started at the noise, pulled from her thoughts so suddenly. She was just about to ask Zuko to explain what he meant when such explanation was offered freely.

"Like a wounded dog. Don't look at me like that. I don't need anybody's sympathy.'

Each word came out in a burst, an individual burst of aggression giving it fire. Katara did not miss the way his voice shook on the word 'dog', the shadowing of shame that crossed the brave words. Her hands reached out to him unconsciously. She longed to run to him, to throw her arms around him, to take every single hurt he had ever forced on him into herself.

"Iroh told me what he thinks has happened." She spoke tentatively, wary of the explosive temper Zuko was fighting to suppress. No response. Katara's eyes slid down the bare skin of Zuko's back, watched the muscles move as he breathed slowly in and out, saw the tensions knotted in his shoulders. She ached to smooth them away. Creeping forward slowly, she reached out to lay a hand gently on his shoulder. No sooner had skin made contact than he jumped away from her as though she had shocked him. Glaring at her, he stalked over to the fountain. He needed something to clear his head, to sort through the rush of emotions that had hit him the moment he had seen her watching him.

Shame was the presiding one. It was almost crippling the shame he had felt the moment he had realised she'd seen him, seen him in his weakest, most vulnerable moment. He had promised himself he would be her protector. Here in this arena, right before the fight with Azula had begun, right when he realised truly for the first time how hopelessly in love with her he was, he had sworn to himself that he would give up anything so that she would never be hurt. Some protector he had turned out to be. He'd kept her alive, sure. This time. What was he to do next time the Hēi àn attacked? Anyone for that matter! Even the simplest of benders would prove a difficult fight to him without his bending. How could he protect the woman he loved if he couldn't bend? And she knew. She knew that he was weak, she had seen him on his knees like a child. He was pathetic.

Yes. Shame was a major player right now but there was something deeper. Something he didn't want to admit, couldn't admit. Something he had done his utmost to ignore since he had first realised what had happened. Hatred. He hated Katara. Loved her too. Loved her so much it felt like white hot pokers branding his skin every time the emotion flitted across his radar. His very being was repulsed by the concept and yet he couldn't deny its presence. He hated the woman he loved. He knew that if the event replayed itself, if Katara was lying cold on the floor in front of him right then, even with the knowledge of the pain it would cause him he would readily give up his bending again. Because he could not live without her. But even knowing that, and there wasn't a single part of him that doubted it, he couldn't resist the dark ebb of hatred that occasionally crawled through his thoughts. The conflicting emotions had been driving him insane for the entire two weeks. Her presence only reopened the dilemna, causing him fresh pain as he chastised himself for hating her over and over again.

"You can go now." he said imperiously before ducking his head under the cool water, allowing it to cascade soothingly over the hot, sticky skin on the back of his neck. The irony that water was easing his suffering, even if only a little, was not lost on him and he allowed himself a bitter chuckle.

Removing his head from the small waterfall, he listened intently without turning around. Silence. So she had left. A wave of disappointment rushed through him, surprising him. He had expected the misery to let up if she wasn't there confusing him but it had only intensified. Resentment flared. So, she didn't like him now that he wasn't all powerful, all strong? Maybe she should just go back to her god-like avatar. The thought stung. He acknowledged that he well and truly deserved that. He was being hideous to Katara when she had done nothing. Shame again. This relentless cycle was getting tiresome.

Finally turning around he didn't have time to even register what was happening before a human shape flew and crashed into him. He threw a foot back and clutched onto the creature pressed against him instinctively in a fight to keep his balance. Inhaling sharply in shock, he registered a familiar scent: the ocean. Unable to resist, he closed his eyes and inhaled deeper, burying his nose in her wild brown hair and pulling her against him. His hands wrapped tightly around her waist as he allowed himself just one moment of relief. Desperately, he hunted out her lips, trailing kisses along her hair line and down her jaw until he found them. He threw everything he was feeling into the kiss. Twisting his hands into her hair and bending her head back so he could layer kiss after kiss on the soft skin of her neck. He felt his rage, hurt and hate translate themselves into a burning mass of passion as the small figure arched against him. Shutting his eyes tightly and losing himself in the moment he found his way back to her soft lips and ran his tongue ever so lightly around them with agonising control, more control than he'd felt in a long time. In this moment she was all there was and he clung to her like a dying man. For the first time in what seemed like forever he was able to simply love her. He needed her. He felt her lips part and her tongue dart out to taste him. The touch was like static electricity. It was more powerful than anything he'd ever felt, 100 times more powerful than their earlier, more chaste kisses. He was allowed to revel in it for one mere second before it woke him to his actions. Disgusted at himself he quickly pulled back and forced Katara away from him. The emotions racing across her face did nothing to ease his troubled mind: hurt, confusion, rejection, embarrassment, love - they were all there, all because of him. He dropped his head into his hands, dragging his nails across the skin on his face, and let loose an almighty roar, a roar that conveyed everything he couldn't put into words.

"Zuko" Katara began quietly, fighting the desperate urge to cry "Zuko, please, let me hel…"

"YOU MADE ME WEAK."

The words were more of a howl than anything else and Katara at last understood the barrage of emotions she had seen in Zuko's eyes. And she at last understood what she had to do. Without wasting precious time by explaining she turned on her heel and raced out of the heavy doors, already on the hunt for the one person who could help her in this moment, help Zuko.

She found Aang in the inner garden, sitting serenely on a stone bench only the smallest of frowns resting on his forehead. Katara cursed herself for being the one who had to disrupt this peace, her of all people who had already hurt him so much. So much of her wanted to turn back, to find another way. She faltered just far enough away that he wouldn't have heard her. There might be other ways. She hadn't even considered that. She might be hurting Aang all over again for nothing. Maybe her and Iroh… pushing through her hopes though she saw the broken expression on her love's face. Of everyone, she understood best the utter destruction that taking someone's bending from them could unleash on a human being. She had been there. The memory forced her to step slowly but with purpose into the garden where Aang sat, blissfully unaware.

They hadn't seen each other since that time when he had confronted her with her abandonment. As he opened his eyes she was shocked by how much they seemed to have aged. The weary, tired eyes looked strange on the boyish figure of the young avatar. Guilt stabbed through her as Katara realised that it was all down to her and here she was to make it that bit worse.

Without a word, Aang stood to leave. He held a deep suspicion that no amount of meditation would ever make seeing her even the tiniest bit less painful.

"Wait!" the desperation in her voice froze him and though he willed himself to continue his exit he found himself turning to face her. She looked like she hadn't slept in weeks, her skin seemed paler, less vibrant than he remembered. There was a frenzy about her that he recognised but struggled to place. Quickly he scanned through all their adventures together, wincing at more painful memories. Nope, he'd never seen her like this then. Suddenly, the woman before him and the event fell into place. The first day he had returned to the Fire Nation, as she had begged him to let her run to Zuko. She'd had the same desperate expression marring her features then. The idea stung him, she had never felt such an emotion in all her time with him. He began to walk away again when she spoke again.

"Please, Aang."

Turning this time he lowered his eyes to find her on the ground. Kneeling. He realised in a split second that it was not weakness that brought her to the ground, she had knelt of her own volition. He didn't like it, it didn't suit her.

"Stand up, Katara." he muttered sternly.

"Aang, I have to ask you to something." He didn't miss how her voice faltered through the words, how evident it was that it was costing her to even be here. Only this made him stop and listen. He waited for her to continue.

Glancing quickly up, she ascertained that she had got his attention before quickly ducking her head down again, so low her eyes blurred as they tried to focus on the stone paving mere millimetres from her face.

"I don't want to ask this of you, Aang." she began stiffly. "Believe me when I say I would given anything to never hurt you again, to never have hurt you in the first place."

She ignored the scoff from Aang and forced herself to continue. For Zuko, she reminded herself. But where to begin?

"When I went to the battle to help Zuko I got in trouble. I was hit by the Hēi àn and I nearly died, well I…I did die" she winced at the memory of the pain. "I died and Zuko made a silly bargain. He didn't even realise it would work. He offered the gods anything if I could be brought back to life. Whether it was the Gods or the Hēi àn, someone took that bargain, Aang. Aang, he lost his fire bending!" she finished in a rush, tears choking off the words.

Aang couldn't help but be shocked, Zuko had traded his fire bending for Katara's life? Without their powers a bender might as well be soulless, it would be kinder to kill them. He shuddered at the mere thought of the suffering such a loss would cause. But he would have done the same for Katara, wouldn't he? He would. Right? With a shock he realised that he couldn't be entirely sure in that promise. A part of him, small but there, recoiled from the prospect so completely that he wondered if, in the moment, he would be able to go through with such a transaction. But what did this story mean to him? Why had Katara bothered to come and…

"Oh."

Slowly, Katara's actions began to make sense. She had not come here to complain or commiserate, she had come to beg. Looking at her shaking, fragile form on the floor he was flooded by feelings of sympathy and satisfaction. He was disgusted with himself for feeling remotely happy that these events had occurred, it wasn't who he was but he couldn't help but enjoy Katara needing him again, even if it was for the sake of another man.

"I don't know if I can, Katara. I'm sorry."

Despite his hostility he genuinely was unsure as to whether he was able to restore bending abilities. Uncomfortable with the sight of Katara so weakened he began to walk away once more. She was on her feet following him before he'd even reached the edge of the small garden.

"You took away Ozai's." she called, accusation ringing through her voice. Aang kept walking though the guilt weighed heavily on his shoulders. He tried desperately to convince himself that it was solely his uncertainty that kept him from even trying to help Zuko, after all - he might always make it worse. Although whether that was even possible he didn't know.

"Please, Aang!"

Despair.

"Aang!"

Utter hopelessness.

"If you won't do it for me do it for the people of the Fire Nation." Katara flung out her last card. He paused.

"He's the only one who can do his job and you know it. He's the best chance this Nation had got of recovering. People are suffering out there, Aang! They are dying of famine and disease and you know as well as I do that Zuko can fix it but not like this." She sensed his indecision, his panic and decided to push it just that little bit further. It was her last chance.

"I know the Fire Nation will collapse without him, Aang. And I know you know it too."

She held her breath. Everything in her future rested on this one moment, on Aang's decision. Seeing his shoulders slump she knew she had won before he even turned to face her but it was a bitter victory as guilt crushed any happiness she might have felt.

"I genuinely don't know if I can do it, Katara." Aang mumbled. "But I will try. For the Fire Nation." he quickly asserted. His pride refused to allow him to admit he would have done it for her anyway. She might no longer love him, might never have loved him, but he had always been hers entirely.

"Take me to him."

They found Zuko sitting in the middle of the arena, dust covering his training trousers and his fists gripping a towel so hard his knuckles had turned a ghostly white. His eyes were closed tighly in concentration. Aang couldn't hold back a gasp at the sight of him, pain was etched as deep as his frown across his face. Guilt surged through him as he realised he had wilfully prolonged another human's suffering. He was the avatar. It was not his place to let his personal emotions mar his actions. As much as it pained him at times he had accepted long ago that he was destined for higher things. He was not allowed to be human in moments like this. Once he remembered his duty he found it surprisingly easy to clear his mind of the bitterness, the hatred - it was still there, it always would be, but it ghosted around in the background now. His purpose was all that mattered and the Fire Nation needed this man. Standing in front of Zuko he waited for him to open his eyes and stand. Both man was surprised to find their own guilt, their own apology reflected back in the other's eyes - Zuko for knowing what his and Katara's love had done to the young Avatar and Aang for delaying Zuko's salvation. They nodded at each other. No words were needed to convey their small but necessary momentary truce.

"I really don't know what I'm doing, Zuko." The taller man nodded, he was beyond hope or expectations by this point anyway.

"But I promise I will try."

Closing his eyes, Aang allowed himself to disappear, to lose his body and to reawaken in the avatar state. He heard the voices and thoughts of everyone for miles around, felt their emotions wash through him. He wondered briefly if he would ever reach a point where that would stop bewildering him. Concentrating, he focused on the colours, scanning through them until he reached Zuko's - his colour, his soul. It burned a passionate red. That was all he could say to describe it. It was not orangey red, nor scarlet. There was not a single tinge of any other colour. He burned in the truest shade of red. But the edges were blurred. Almost as if they were trying to pull away from each other. Zuko was destroying himself.

Aang thought back to that time with Ozai, remembered the rush of power as he had absorbed Ozai's power. But how to reverse it? He remembered what he had seen on that rocky mountain top. It had been like a ribbon, a fiery, burning ribbon ripping from Ozai and merging through Aang's skin to become a part of him. Perhaps if he just….

Gathering every single part of focus he could muster Aang visualised that moment again but in reverse. Touching one hand to Zuko's forehead and another over the scar in the centre of his chest Aang jolted as he felt power surge within him. Concentrating harder than he ever had in his life, he saw the ribbon of light begin to emerge from him, felt the slight lightness as the weight of it left him. More suddenly than he expected, than he hoped even, the ribbon found its way to Zuko. The line joining them for that moment revealed to Aang Zuko's soul - his every thought, feeling, memory. He saw his dreams of finding his mother, felt the absolute dazzling purity of the love he felt for Katara contrasted against the bitterness that he had directed at her for his own hatred of his own weakness. Despite himself, Aang understood exactly what Zuko was feeling. He understood because it was everything he had felt recently. With one final shudder, Aang felt the power leave him. Though he felt lighter somehow, he did not feel the same destruction that he had seen through Zuko's eyes because he had not given up his own power.

Blinking, Zuko opened his eye and looked down at himself. Running a hand across his scar he felt the familiar heat within him. Hardly daring to believe it was possible he raised his hand and conjured the smallest of flames in his palm. Clenching his fist and extinguishing it quickly, he repeated the action with the other hand. He didn't want to trust this was real because if it wasn't, if he was still powerless he didn't know how he could go on. Standing quickly, he turned and swung a quick kick towards the farthest end of the arena. Elation rushed through him as a swift arc of fire followed his foot. There was no way this could be a dream. He could feel the fire in his veins again, feel it burn his very bones in a way that only a fire bender could ever appreciate. No dream could conjure such a real illusion. Turning back to Aang he opened and shut his mouth, furiously searching for words that could describe exactly his explosive gratitude. Aang shook his head, the smallest of smiles playing across his features - the first since his conversation with Katara. He couldn't resist the small drops of happiness that trickled through him at saving someone from such abject misery.

Zuko, at last, looked to the last person in the arena. Katara. His Katara. His Katara whom he had wronged so thoroughly. With his soul returned to him he began to realise just how brutal he had been to her, how little she had deserved it.

"Katara, I…"

"Don't." she smiled serenely at him, tears glistening in the corners of her eyes. And then she was in his arms. Clinging to him as desperately as he had clung to her bare hours before. He kissed her again, but gently this time, pouring the apologies she refused to listen to into the movements of his lips against hers. He felt her tears wet his cheeks and he pulled away to wipe them from her eyes. He repeated his vow to himself once more: he would protect her. From everything, the world, the Hēi àn, even himself. He would never allow himself to hurt her like this again, nor anything else. He belonged to her completely and he was thankful to the very core of his being that, by some miracle, she loved him in return.

"I love you." he kissed her lightly. "I love you." another butterfly kiss landed on her eyelid "I love you." another "I love" again. Over and over Zuko released the feelings he had resisted on and off for years now. "I love you."

With the smile of an angel she raised a finger to his lips, silencing him.

"Zuko, my Zuko." they both smiled at the whispered words. "I love you too." And they kissed.

And in their happiness, their moment of complete and perfect bliss, could anyone blame them for not noticing the exit of the third person in that arena?

As Aang slowly slid through the imposing wooden doors he risked one more look back at the heavenly couple. Though the sight was like a dagger through his heart he was surprised to find the wound was clean. It stung, burnt even but there was no infection. He had finally let go of his hatred.

(A.N. Yup. I felt so bad about how long I'd left it that I got straight onto writing a new and longer chapter. I was going to cut it just before Katara went to find Aang but I figured anyone still reading this definitely deserved more than that for their eternally appreciated perseverance. I hope this update is long and soon enough for you Avatar Renara lol.)