Sorry for the delay
Still don't own the show
Jane sat staring at her food. She had picked at her meal, but after what had happened earlier, it would be easy to determine that she really wasn't hungry.
She was embarrassed by her episode. She should have known that Maura wouldn't bring her all the way out here just to leave her. If she wanted to be honest though, Jane knew that her relationship with Maura had shifted. Nut just from this, but from the moment she had pulled her trigger and shot Paddy Doyle.
Could they come back from this? Jane wondered. It wouldn't be the same as before, but it had to be time for them to turn over a new leaf. There was too much water under the bridge to allow them to start from scratch, but they needed to do something.
"We can't keep living like this." Jane finally said, stunning even herself. "I need to not be worried that you're going to leave me at every turn, every time i fuck up."
"Jane" Maura scolded, never liking Janes use of profanities.
"It's true." Jane spoke, "our marriage shifted the moment i pulled the trigger on your father." Jane said as she gained momentum. She knew that if she stopped now then she wouldn't be able to get the courage to continue. "You've had one foot out the door ever since."
Jane felt tears in her eyes as she looked across the dinner table to her wife. "Everything became my fault. I never once lied to you about who i am. You've always known where my loyalties lie."
With her last comment, Janes eyes shifted as she fought to blink back the tears that wanted to come. "You told me earlier that we needed this holiday. Suggested that it will fix things. You asked me if its what I want." Jane said as she moved to stand. She felt that she could no longer stay seated there. "But i didn't ask you.' Jane turned back to her wife a moment, meeting her stunned teary eyes. "Am I still what you want?"
Heavy Heart... Heavy Heart... Heavy Heart... Heavy Heart...
Relief, it filled Meredith and over took everything else. There she sat alongside her wife as they made the long drive back to Queen Anne and their newly purchased home. They hadn't needed to see venue number 5. They had stopped at 4.
The Tibbetts Creek Manor was perfect. From the creekside acreage being serene and private and the ability to choose between a garden based reception or the house itself, had captured both their attention as it covered them if it were to rain (which was highly possible with being in Seattle).
Meredith knew Callie liked the place, not just because it met what they wanted, but because it wasn't attached to the Grey empire. It didn't worry her though as she understood how it might look to the Torres family and she didn't want any friction.
"I can't wait to get home." Callie offered as the jeep that Meredith was driving came to a stop at a set of traffic lights. They were a few short turns from home.
"Tired?" Meredith asked, quickly flicking her eyes over to her fiancee and then back to the road.
"Sore, nauseous, hungry" Callie listed and Meredith shifted her hand from the steering wheel a moment to rub her fiancees knee.
"You've had a long day." Meredith acknowledged before moving her attention back to the road. The light had just turned green and she allowed the car to roll forward slightly before quickly breaking. A truck flew by narrowly missing the front of their car.
"Shit!" Callie exclaimed and Meredith turned her head as a crunching sound filled the night. Both Callie and Meredith turned to see the truck that narrowly missed them, jumped the centre island on the other side of the road and ploughed into stopped traffic. Before anyone could say anything Callie had the phone out dialling 911 and Meredith changed the cars direction and pulled into the curb before jumping out the car to grab their first aide kit.
"Be careful" Callie called as she too stepped from the car.
Meredith turned to look at her tired fiancee and nodded as she heard her then continue to advice the operator of the station.
"My wife and I are doctors. She's going to go check possible causalities now. Ambulance and police required."
Meredith smiled at Callie's slip on calling her her wife before rushing to the first car she could see. Pulling out the priority tags that they kept in their kit as she went.
Heavy Heart... Heavy Heart... Heavy Heart... Heavy Heart...
Maura sat staring at Jane. She had no words. Everything she had just verbally thrown at her was right. Things hadn't been the same since Jane had shot Paddy.
The original back lash was vicious and she had treated Jane far worse than Jane had treated her. Maura would have completely kicked the woman out if it hadn't been for the media frenzy it would have caused.
Yes, they had begun to mend bridges and come back together, the first step being made in the face of trauma. But now she could see that she hadn't emotionally returned and the physicality of their relationship was a mere shadow of what it had been.
Maura watched as Jane paced, her eyes on her expecting an answer.
"When you shot Paddy..." Maura started but then stopped, trying hard to find the right words to iterate what was going on in her head. "When Agent Dean showed up, I figured you must have told him Paddy was in town and connected him to me." Maura said as she tried to steady her nerves.
"I couldn't understand why you would do that. You had been okay with letting him protect me previously, and then you gave him up."
"I.." Jane moved to interrupt and Maura shot her a look, reminding Jane that it was not her turn to talk. "It felt like a betrayal, like you put your badge before me. Then you shot him."
The tension in the air was heavy and Maura hoped that she would be able to continue on.
Jane and stopped pacing now and Maura knew that she was itching to interrupt. "I didn't and still don't know what you told Agent Dean about Paddy, or why. But Paddy did confirm that if you hadn't shot him, then he would have shot you.' Maura looked away from Jane. "I actually forgave you, in that moment, for shooting my father."
"Arthur Isles is your father." Jane quickly replied.
"Jane" Maura warned, knowing that she needed to get to the point. "I think i forgot your vows, your promise to me. Barry reminded me the other day. Up until then, you were right. I was still half way out the door, not necessarily wanting to leave, but unsure if i could get passed your betrayal with Agent Dean."
"Nothing happened with him!" Jane protested. "I didn't even talk to him about Paddy."
"You expect me to believe that he miraculously knew that Paddy Doyle was in town and covering my arse?" Maura asked, the jealousy she had felt coming back now in one massive wave.
"He had met me for lunch, nothing more, nothing less. He told me he was here for a case. He didn't ask for insight." Jane argued.
"And yet you met with him and shared a meal. If you weren't talking about Paddy or this case he was here for..." Maura said using her hands to show inverted commas, "Then why meet with him? You would have noting to talk about."
Jane looked at Maura in shock. Maura couldn't help but shoot her a pointed stare. It felt like everything had finally hit its pinnacle. She was too blind by old anger and jealousy to know whether it was a good thing. "It was professional courtesy" Jane defended.
"What did you talk about?" Maura demanded.
"You!" Jane roared. "I talked about you, our family and the impact Hoyt had on our plans."
Maura watched as Jane then stormed to the fridge, pulling out a beef before stomping back. "Just because there was an attraction felt on one side of the table, doesn't mean it was reciprocated. Damn it Maura, do you really think i could be unfaithful to you?"
Both women stared at each other, neither spoke. Maura's anger and jealousy was blocking her from answering Janes question. While Jane was trying to figure out how her question had escalated from a 'What do you want?' to a 'do you think i would cheat?'
Finally Jane found it within herself to turn away. 'If you think that i would ever cheat on you then you don't know me at all." Jane said as she began to walk away, moving through the front door and out onto the sand.
Maura watched her go. Everything in her body was telling her to go after Jane and tell her no, that she was just jealous and scared. "I want you." Maura said despite knowing that Jane wouldn't hear her. She then moved to the sofa where she sat down and cried.