How To Heal A Broken Spirit
Pairing; Hayden X Ashley(Hiccup X Astrid)
Rated; M for Mature
Disclaimer; I do not own HTTYD or any songs I might use.
To Be Ready
{Normal POV}
Nobody had expected Hayden to ask Ashley for her hand in marriage on her birthday. Hayden never mentioned a word about planning to propose, but everyone knew it would happen at some point because they all knew how much Hayden loved Ashley, and was glad to have her back in his life. However, nobody saw Hayden asking when he and Ashley had only been together for five months. Though, after hearing Hayden's little proposal speech to Ashley; he mentioned why he was asking. Hayden said that it didn't matter what they were labeled as because no matter what; they were always together. Hayden and Ashley would never stop being friends, but they became boyfriend and girlfriend, now, they were engaged, and would be married shortly. Most of Ashley's congratulatory birthday party was spent talking about the weddings that were coming up in 2018, which were Eli and Roxanne's in April, then Devon and Skye's in June. On top of all that, they had Alicia and Travis's baby arrival in July, and were getting married in 2019, the official date had not been selected yet. Seth and Caitlyn were still just dating, and wanted to keep it that way for a bit; nobody minded. Hailey and Ford were finally moved into their new place, they moved in over May, and were adjusting to the home-owner lifestyle while working, and maintaining their marriage.
It was June now, and Hayden just got home from work. Ashley had the day off, and spent it cleaning the house a bit. Ashley took care of the dishes, sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming. Also, she dusted, and did laundry; both her own and Hayden's to help him out since he'd been working a lot of extra hours because of one of the managers quitting. Hayden was working on training a new one, but that meant more time he had to spend there to make sure everything was learned the right away on how to do things. Ashley decided to start dinner since Hayden messaged saying he would be home in ten minutes. Ashley was making spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread; it was something simple, and easy. Ashley yawned while stirring the pasta in the pot, then she began to add a little seasoning to the sauce. The meatballs were just frozen ones that she was cooking in the microwave, then she'd add them to the sauce afterward. Ashley got the garlic bread ready, then she put it in the preheated oven to bake for eight to ten minutes. A few more minutes passed as Ashley heard Hayden's car pull into the driveway, then shut off as the door opened, and closed shut. Moments later, the house door opened as Hayden came in.
"I'm home," Hayden called tiredly.
"I'm in the kitchen, babe," Ashley called. Hayden made his way to that room to see Ashley cooking a meal for them. "Hey, welcome home," she smiled.
"Hi, beautiful," Hayden kissed her forehead. "What are you making?"
"Spaghetti and Meatballs with garlic bread," Ashley replied as she looked at him. However, Ashley noticed that not only did Hayden look thoroughly exhausted, but sick too. "You gonna grab a shower? Supper should be done by then,"
"Yeah, sounds good. See you in a few," Hayden smiled, then moved upstairs to shower.
(Fifteen Minutes Later)
Dinner was made, but Hayden wasn't downstairs yet. Ashley decided to make her way up to see if he was okay. "Babe?" Ashley asked. "Are you alright?" she inquired while moving to the bathroom door, then knocking a few times. Of course, she didn't get an answer because she heard Hayden throwing up. As if on queue, she received a text message; checking her phone she found it to be from Eli.
Did Hayden make it home safely? He's been sick most of the day here and looked exhausted when he was leaving. Want to make sure he's okay -Eli
He got home 15 mins ago; in the bathroom throwing up now. I'll take care of him. Thanks, Eli. -Ash
What else could she reply except that? It was the truth. "Hayden. I know you're sick. Eli told me you have been all day. Let me in so I can take care of you," Ashley tried. After a moment, the door unlocked as Ashley turned the handle to see Hayden sitting on the floor with his pajama pants on, but no shirt. Ashley kneeled beside him. "You should have said something," she sighed knowing full well how stubborn her fiance was.
"I'm a big boy," Hayden mumbled as Ashley chuckled some.
"Everyone needs a little help sometimes. Come on, you're going right to bed," Ashley said as she got up and helped Hayden next. Carefully, she led him to his room so he could lay down. Ashley covered him up, then left to clean up from dinner. Afterward, Ashley brought him a water bottle, and something to deal with the fever and nausea. Hayden took the tablets, then relaxed.
"Will you lay with me?" Hayden asked tiredly. Ashley kicked her shoes off and laid in bed with him as Hayden cuddled up on her chest. Ashley blushed as she stroked her fingers through his hair until he fell asleep. Not long after, Ashley knocked out as well.
(A Few Days Later)
After that night, Ashley had been having a bit of a hard time dealing with something; getting intimate with Hayden. The next morning, Hayden woke up hard and pressed against her. Of course, he apologized for it, and said it was just a regular reaction to being so comfortable. And Ashley might have believed that if they hadn't been making out first. Ashley realized after Hayden went to work that she knew it was something she needed to address or the wedding night would be a disaster when they tried to make love. Ashley had been able to handle kissing, little make-out sessions, but never full on to a point where Hayden got an erection. The problem was that Ashley tensed and got scared when she felt his length poking at her behind; they weren't fond memories for her, and she was still working through a lot of that sexual trauma. Ashley knew that Hayden would never hurt her, but she didn't want those horrid nightmares coming forward when she and Hayden made love on their wedding night. Ashley decided to take it up with her therapist at tonight's appointment.
Most sessions involved trying to get Ashley to forgive her mother, but tonight, Ashley changed the topic. Ashley was honest, and said that she was afraid of intimacy because things like that weren't a pleasant experience for her. Plus, her first time had been rape, not consensual. The therapist said that it would take some time to get through that, but the woman would help. Ashley was glad for that, and the rest of the appointment was spent with Ashley explaining how she got went certain aspects about sex were brought up, or her feelings when she and Hayden got into making out. It wasn't easy to talk about, but the therapist was able to offer some suggestions on how to cope with the emotions and thoughts that accompanied Ashley's fears.
(August 2017)
Two months had gone by and much had happened. Alicia and Travis had their baby; a little girl named Trisha Thorston, and they were now working on their own wedding plans as they are set to marry August 2019 because money was going to be a bit tight with the baby and all. Seth and Caitlyn were two months away from hitting a year together. Eli and Roxanne were planning their wedding, which was eight months away. Devon and Skye hit a snag in their planning because Skye found out she was eight weeks pregnant yesterday; this meant that their child would be born in March 2018, three months before their wedding. The snag was that they knew they would be busy with their new baby, so they decided to push their marriage back to 2019, and the official date had not been selected yet. Also, as it turns out. Hailey and Ford had decided to wait a bit on children, but it seemed fate had other plans because Hailey just learned she is five weeks pregnant, and due to give birth in April 2018. So, there was a lot going on for the friends.
Ashley and Hayden on the other hand had set their wedding for September 1, 2018 because it was the day they met in Pre-School, and became instant best friends. Hayden finally had more time at home since the promotion went through for the new manager he had been training. Ashley and Hayden worked on minor wedding details, but nothing significant as the big day was an entire year away. Ashley used her therapy sessions to get past the intimacy problems she had with being touched. Ashley didn't mind kissing, or being held, but anything more than that would make her panic. Ashley felt terrible because she wanted to show Hayden how much she loved him, but anytime they got close, she would freeze, then hide away in her room. Ashley knew that Hayden would never push her, but Ashley felt it was unfair that Hayden didn't know what was going on, so today, she decided to be honest with him about what was bothering her. Ashley and Hayden just finished dinner, and cleaning up. The two were sitting on the couch as Ashley knew it was time to tell him.
"Hayden?" Ashley began.
"Yes, Milady?" Hayden replied with a smile.
"I was wondering if we could talk about something that's been bothering me?" Ashley asked. At this, Hayden sat up and shut off the TV, so he could give his full attention to her.
"I'm all ears," Hayden invited because truthfully, he had been hoping Ashley would talk to him about why she always ran away when he tried to make love to her.
"Well, it's…about why I freeze up and leave the room whenever you try to make love to me," Ashley informed. Finally, she sighed. "It's not that I don't want to, Hayden, I just…can't bring myself to do it,"
"Is it because we aren't married yet? I don't mind waiting if it's making you uncomfortable, Ash," Hayden said.
"It's not that. I mean, sort of, but not in the way you're thinking. Before I got sold to Virgil, yes, I had always said I'd save myself for marriage. Obviously…that's not a possibility now with what happened," Ashley trailed off a little, clearly troubled by the knowledge she wasn't a virgin anymore.
"Ashley, just because you're not a virgin anymore doesn't mean you're not pure. I know they took your virginity, but you're still innocent to me because you didn't give yourself to them. Those bastards stole it forcefully. Either way, if you want me to stop making advances, just say so. You don't have to leave the room; I just wanted to show you how much I love you; something different than the little dates, or cuddling up to watch a movie," Hayden told her.
"Hayden, it's not that. I want to give myself to you, I do, but I can't because of the rape. Well, rapes since it happened more than once until I finally stopped fighting them because I couldn't take the pain of the punishments anymore. Beaten, whipped, starved, molested; Gods, I fought for so long not to break, but I couldn't hold firm after the countless raping. One after another, or sometimes more than one at a time," Ashley tried not to cry.
"Ssh, stop. You don't have to tell me, babe. I know it was hard and unbearable. I hate myself for not finding you sooner," Hayden clenched his fist.
"It's not your fault. I saw your dad's office; I know how long you searched, how much time you put in to locate me. If…it's anyone's fault, it's my mom's because she knew where I was, and what she did. All that aside, though. Hayden, I can't make love to you because everytime we get farther than kissing; I flash back to being raped, and I fade out from the real world thinking that I'm just going to get hurt again. I know you never would, and I run away so I don't freak out on you. I use the time in my room, or the shower to calm down," Ashley revealed softly.
"Oh, Ashley. Why didn't you tell me that I was sending you into flashbacks? You know I would have stopped, and helped you through them," Hayden sighed.
"Because you've already helped me through so much, Hayden, and I didn't want you to feel bad. I realized now that I was doing the exact opposite because every time I ran, you wondered if you did something wrong. I know I should have been honest, Hayden. I'm sorry, I just wanted to work it out on my own. I got scared that if I didn't get my intimacy problems under control that our wedding night would be a disaster. My therapist has been helping me find ways to stay focused, and not fade out; something to keep me grounded," Ashley stated.
"Well, that's good that you recognized the problem, and decided to seek help for it, Ashley. I want to help too. I've told you that we've been through everything together, and there's no reason to change that now. Besides, if you want to get past your fear of intimacy, you're gonna need me since I'm the one you'll be intimate with," Hayden reminded.
"I-I know that. I told you all this because my therapist said I should, and I wanted to anyway. She gave me some suggestions to try, and I kind of need you for them. However, I don't want us…having sex, not yet at least. I do want to hold off until the wedding night. I want your help, Hayden, because I'm gonna need it to prepare for that evening next year. I-Is that okay?" Ashley looked at him.
"Of course! It's more than okay, Ash. And never be afraid to come to me, Milady. I'm always ready to stand with you, that's why I asked for your hand in marriage," Hayden smiled softly, then kissed her.
"You're the best, Hayden. Thank you," Ashley said afterward. The two cuddled up on the couch as Hayden turned the TV back on and Ashley could only smile while leaning against her fiance. With Hayden in the loop about what was going on; more preparations could be made for their wedding, and both of them would be ready.