(Mello P.O.V)

One hundred percent. At the very top of the page. I would've been thrilled if not for the albino freak getting two percent more, due to his supposed 'extra credit'. Lord only knows how much I hated this kid by now. And still he felt like following me about the orphanage like some lost puppy.

Whenever I was alone from that egg head I would wander the empty halls of the Orphanage. Not even Matt joined me. I just wandered and walked, and I hoped I would find something to occupy my empty mind. Though, the only reason it felt so empty was because of the pills I was on.

I had started seeing a psychiatrist against my own wishes for L. He worried I'd do something I'd regret later if I didn't do such, but all the appointments did was make me ill. I hated talking to the lady, though maybe I just hated women in general. Most of them made me want to roll into a ball and cry. They reminded me too much of my mother, every last one of them. Especially this lady. She was blonde, kind, and full of warmth. Her voice was like honey, and she was truly concerned about me. But I hated her. I wanted nothing to do with her. If any woman was going to be part of my life, it would only be my mother.

And that's when she prescribed me the pills. Though I don't think they were safe for a ten year old, they were all I had. They numbed the pain of loneliness I felt in my heart and that was all I long as I was alive for Matt's sake, it was worth it. Besides, the kids at the Wammy house seemed more at peace when I was on them. I suppose it was a win-win for all.

I was sitting on the couch in the den at this point. Just staring at the hundred percent marked in red at the top of the page. I was miffed that Near had passed me yet again, but not angry. Surprisingly, it was the one thing I missed about myself since taking the pills; the ability to feel. To have emotions, to be angry, happy, or even sad. I missed the emotions.

I felt a weight on the couch and looked from my paper expecting to see L. Instead, I saw Watari sitting next to me. His eyes were warm, though he held no smile on his face. He seemed more worried if anything.

"So, how are the pills working out for you, Mello?"

I shrugged. Like I explained, I had no real feelings at this point.

Watari continued. "I hesitated to let them prescribe you with such pills, but L forced the matter. He… was terrified."

This piqued my interest. "Terrified?"

"Of losing you. When you wouldn't speak to the psychiatrist, he worried about you falling off the deep end again. When the topic of drugs surfaced, he took the chance. He didn't want to lose you."

"So why are you here? You telling me I don't need 'em?"

"I'm only worried for your sanity right now. The pills you're taking were not meant for someone your age. And I believe they're beginning to take their toll on you."

"Yeah, I'm an emotionless freak like Near and L. At least now I fit in."

Watari put a gentle hand on my shoulder. "But this isn't you. This isn't the Mello we picked up in Germany five years ago. This is someone completely different, someone who not even L recognizes. You promised him you'd get help but from what I'm seeing, nothing here is helping you. If anything, you're getting worse."

"Then fire that tart and leave me alone!" I exclaimed. "I'm tired of being around women like her anyway."

"What do you mean, 'women like her'?"

"Women who remind me of my mother!" I yelled without realizing.

Watari stared at me for a long time. "Your mother?"

I shook with both newly boiled anger and sadness. I have to admit, it felt good to feel again, but to let the head of the orphanage know what I was feeling was a mistake. One had to forget their life when coming to the Wammy house, but I couldn't. The memory I had of her was too strong to just let die.

I nodded. "Yes,"

Watari seemed to release a breath he had been holding. "So that's what's going on with you. You miss your mother."

I cringed a bit. There was nothing worse than for the anger driven, second in line, tough-nut to be missing his mommy. "It's not just that. I didn't tell her I was leaving, so I feel guilty. I've had to carry that guilt every day for five years."

"Then you should make amends with her."

"How? If you haven't noticed by now, I'm in England, and she's in Germany. This kind of sets me back a bit."

"I can get you there. If you would like, L and Matt could come along with us. They would be there for moral support."

My heart had made a jump at the thought. Could he really take me to my mother? The one and only woman I trusted in this entire world? He would do that?

I shook a bit at the thought. "What if she doesn't recognize me?"

"Well, we'll have to see now won't we?"

My heart made another jump. This was a chance for me to see her again. My mother. My heart and soul, the one thing that made my life bearable. But would she know me? Would she want me back? Would we still be in touch after I left?

I nodded slowly once more. "Yes, I want to see her."

"We'll have to track her down…"

"I know where she is. She'll still be at the Manor. With my father and brother. I know where it is, even on a map. I've searched it on more than one occasion."

"Then it's settled. We'll leave as soon as we can. Maybe this is exactly what you need to make you feel better."

"Then, could I ask for one last favour?"

"What's that?"

"Take my pills, and destroy them. I hate how they make me feel… or rather, not feeling anything. I swear, it was like I became Near for a short time."

Watari chuckled a bit and pulled me into a one-armed hug. "As you wish."