DISCLAIMER: I do not own Vampire Knight
Okay, into a bit of angst. Only the begining though. I promise. This sin;t supposed to be a dark mooded story so this will be the offical end to all dark themes.
read on and laugh at the OC's expense.
CHAPTER 21: Living Under Oblivion
. . .
. . .
The silence dragged on. None of us made a move to speak, simply opting to glare deeply into each other's eyes. Takuma stood uncomfortably at the doorway, scratching the back of his head.
"Shi."
Oh, now she was talking? Well, I'm not.
"Shizumi."
Crap. She's using my full name.
"What?" The next thing I knew, my head was jerked to the side as pain crashed with my face. She had hit me…again.
"Akemi!" Takuma scolded, finally coming into the room and placing a hand on his sister's rigid shoulder. She was still glaring at me, which I returned wholeheartedly.
"I must have said this hundreds of times, Shi, but I'm going to repeat it since you don't seem to get it." She spoke slowly, as if to a child. I felt insulted.
She glared harder.
"You're a dumbass."
I huffed and turned away, the cheek that was reddening away from her view. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing it stung. I also wasn't going to acknowledge the cussing.
"That wasn't necessary." Takuma scolded and an ugly scowl formed on my friends face.
"I've been lectured enough by you, haven't I? And look where that got us." She made a gesture to me, sitting reluctantly on my bed. The guest rooms still brought back awful memories of it.
She shot me a dirty look, "You gonna tell me why your killing yourself?" I flinched. Killing may have been too harsh of a word- but all the same- the truth hurt. Takuma hovered between the two of us, looking more than ready to tackle which one of us attacks the other first.
Yuki saved me from explaining by throwing the door open. The look on her face, though, promised death.
"I got the stuff," She tossed a bag- a bag- of blood tablets to Akemi, "Though I don't approve of you shoving it down her throat. I don't think she can even eat all these at once."
There was an unmistakable glint in Akemi's eyes that seemed to say challenge accepted. I paled. This was NOT good.
"Before you do it," I hastily backed away when Akemi reached into the bag with a smirk, "Lemme explain-"
"Don't make any excuses." She warned, pointing a packet threateningly at me. Takuma sighed exasperatedly behind her and Yuki looked both amused and irritated. She probably had enough on her plate as it is with the hallucinations (the bags around her eyes were getting more noticeable) and me fainting was no help.
"Whatever." I waved her off and she hissed something under her breath that I chose to ignore (because it was probably an insult my innocent ears weren't meant to hear). "I'll tell you the truth."
"Okay." My friend sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose and looked exhausted for the first time since we reunited. She looked older. "Spill."
I took a deep breath. This was all so sudden. I woke up only to see Akemi giving me the mother of all death glares. The only possible way I could escape it was by glaring right back at her. She was not amused.
And now I was going to tell it. I gave an irritated sigh.
"Alright…you remember…few nights ago?" They tensed, recognition crossing their faces and I swallowed, eyeing the corners of the room as coldness began to set in, along with the foreboding darkness. The pain that once was a memory became a dull throb. Subconsciously, my hand poked at my fang.
"It…there's…" How do I put into word what I've done? How could I- the innocent one- reveal so much evil? Would it change the acceptance I've gained? I eyed them warily as they shifted around, looking both awkward and tense. Akemi remained silent, although impatience seemed to be getting at her.
"I'll show you." I decided, holding up my kimono sleeve. Their confusion was obvious, but it soon melted into shock as the sleeve glinted in the light.
"Uh, Shi…" Akemi began slowly, taking a hesitant step forward, "Clothing doesn't do that. Is that…" she tapped it with her finger, a metal clang proving my kimono had become more armor then clothing, "…it's really solid."
"Yeah." My throat constricted and I forced any unhealthy thoughts away, "I think you can figure out why."
Because Akemi was clever. She wasn't too into the brains department, but when it came to wits, I was always baffled by it. It was something that only she possessed, something that made her…well, unique. She'd figure out how me, who could only manipulate plants, was suddenly able to harden clothing…
Her eyes narrowed, processing as she ran her hand over my sleeve. Takuma and Yuki hovered anxiously for her reaction. When her eyes did widen, it wasn't with the 'ah-ha!' or 'I see now' that they predicted. It was pure horror.
My stomach flipped, and I realized, my fears were coming into fruit.
"H-how…" she swallowed, "Why?"
"She asked me to." I put simply, feeling just shy of hopeless and tired and just plain done. I wanted no burden like this, but the silent sting in my veins told me I was stuck with this till the end of my days. "She…as a dying wish."
Akemi, sweet, clever, sarcastic, carefree Akemi, was terrified. I'm sure I looked half that and half…resigned.
"You…"
A pause.
"…drank her blood."
It was so accusing, I flinched. The other teenagers in the room did as well, eyes widening as the information came into light. That Shizumi, the innocent, klutzy, airheaded Hio had not only murdered but bitten-
"Sorry." I couldn't fathom why I was apologizing, "She…asked me to. It…she…" And I knew I was going to get on someone's bad side, "You wouldn't understand."
Akemi snarled. Three words she absolutely hated.
"Don't pull that crap on me!" She towered over me and I ducked my head, letting her have her way, "Why'd you hide it from me? You thought I didn't understand?! Bull crap! Y-you self-centered jerk! What are you getting at, huh? What's all it for, huh? Why'd you do it!?"
"She asked me to." I replied uselessly, because in all honesty, that was on the only reason why. The only reason how, what, when, and where. There was no other. She was dying and it was my fault-
"Shi-chan." Yuki lifted her ruby eyes from a scared stiff Takuma, her eyes narrowing, and I swallowed, preparing for the worst possible insult, "…who is the 'enemy of the purebloods'?"
I froze.
Oh no.
Akemi growled, looking much fiercer then before as her verdant eyes flashed with contained rage, "What the hell does that have to do with anything? We're on the bloody-" She choked, "-subject of Shizumi being a frikin blood sucker!"
Resentment bubbled up in me, inwardly scowling at miss 'eat your tablets' calling me a 'blood sucker'. I pushed it down, disliking the negativity imitating around the room.
Yuki replied calmly, "Maria mentioned something like that…your mother said something about 'the enemy of the purebloods'. Do you know…?"
"It's someone I must kill."
Silence.
Of course, I thought they'd have expected this from me. I was by no means the normal child they saw in their eyes. My goal was still clear from the day I reopened my eyes. Change the course of events to a happier ending, and most likely die in the end.
"You…" Akemi chuckled, bordering hysteric, "Are the most demented pureblood I have ever met."
My heart sunk at her words; because I was sure I could name a few crazier ones, but figured the only one she knew was Kaname. Even he wasn't setting up such strange goals when he was only twelve. I squared my shoulders. Being beaten by words here wasn't by any means heroic.
"To do that…" I spoke calmly; hating how dead to the world my voice sounded (or was that just me?) "…I had to become stronger."
"What?" Akemi looked ready to lunge, but Takuma had his arms firmly around her waist as she struggled against him, "You killed you own mother just for power!?"
The darkness expanded just a bit.
"Shizumi." Takuma had that warning edge, as if he already believed in Akemi's words. Yuki stood nearby, and I realized coldly, that an invisible line divided us. The sides had already been picked. There couldn't be more to it than misunderstanding.
"You think I wanted to kill her?" My voice came out broken and loathing all at once, "She didn't dodge and had that stupid smile on her face!" I hadn't realized my voice was rising in volume (or that the room was deathly silent), "I ask myself every night why she thanked me! Why'd she thank me for killing her?! Why did she ask me to drink her blood?!"
Something warm flooded down my cheeks, and by instinct, I rubbed them away, still not breaking my rant. The lid on all my secrets and inner torture was being opened. It was far from over.
"I can't sleep because every time I do, she's there, with that smile. I don't want to eat with these fangs; I don't drink blood because it burns! I hate myself, and…and…" I clenched my fists and bowed my head, "I'm sorry I'm an idiot!"
I was scared. The coldness was back with a vengeance, the darkness was looming and circling overhead and if it could, it'd be grinning in pleasure. The whispers returned, hissing and growling the words murder, blood, you killer-
I collapsed to my knees, the bottled up sobs finally escaping and I realized solemnly that I hadn't cried this hard in my entire life. I crossed my arms, hugging them tightly to my body in an effort to warm myself but I knew it wouldn't work. The blood that wasn't mine was in my veins, and it would forever feel this way. It wasn't going away.
I punched the floor in frustration, anger and sadness and terror swelling up and forming into those infernal tears, "I'm sorry…sorry for everything…sorry I'm too stupid to do anything! Sorry I can't change anything! I'm sorry for being an awful friend," I wasn't sure who I was addressing anymore. I just wanted these sins gone, "Sorry for all these blasted secrets, for leaving everyone, for being such a nuisance, for causing trouble, for wrecking the dining hall, for killing her! I'm sorry for everything!"
I was left breathless, on the floor, a hopeless mess. And they were silent. Not a word, not a sound, just the frustrating silence. Unnerving and awkward, and I hoped someone would speak. The whispers were getting louder, the darkness was laughing, and it was so freezing.
"You are an idiot." So blunt. I inwardly smiled that it was Akemi. She was honest and never held anything back.
"But…" I tensed as arms circled me, someone now closely wrapped around my hunched form, "…you're my idiot."
I choked on a sob and put my head onto her shoulder, crying my eyes out and somewhere in between hers joined in. I'm not sure when Yuki and Takuma left or when I fell asleep, but I do remember Akemi's words. Always.
"Quit apologizing for stuff out of your reach. I hate that more than 'not understanding'. Your just Shizumi, and as far as that goes, people should be apologizing to you, not the other way around."
And we cried. Cried for the loss, the death, the unfairness, and the only warmth we could offer in a close hug. Because the world was cruel and we were prime targets for its practices.
In this atmosphere, the darkness left, the coldness faded, and the whispers died out with that same smile and those words, words with a thousand meanings
"Thank you."
I'm sorry. Sorry I wasn't there. Sorry I was a terrible mother. Sorry I'm forcing you to do this. I'm sorry for all the troubles you'll go through, all the pain, all the resentment. I'm sorry you're my daughter.
I love you.
Thank you.
Life moves on.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Shink.
"You're not so pale anymore."
Shink.
My eyebrow twitched and I ignored her, continuing to roll a ball of snow.
Shink.
"Ne, Shi."
Shink. Shink.
"What?"
"When you're done with your dementedness, where will you go?"
Shink.
I raised an eyebrow at Akemi, sitting on a bench as she rolled a square stone against her katana. She paused to meet my gaze, before returning to her work.
Shink.
I shrugged, continuing to pack snow together, "Depends on the weather."
She snorted, amusedly or irritably, I couldn't tell, "This is just great. What happened to the good old days when we weren't both mentally unstable and complete crybabies?"
"We always were that way. You just never noticed."
She huffed, "Still so mean."
I smirked, "Still so childish."
"I'll cut you with Oblivion." She threatened, leveling her katana towards me. I smiled, shaking my head as I stood up from the ground, brushing snow off my pants.
"I like that name."
"Huh? You mean Oblivion?" She twirled said weapon in her hand, eyeing it fondly.
I nodded, "It…fits."
She grinned, "Then what are we? Where do we fit?"
An identical grin spread on my face, "That's the thing Akemi, we don't fit. You know what they call us?"
She shook her head.
"We're misfits."
She laughed.
Life moves on.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
"Shizumi."
I twitched under her accusing stare. I was so dead.
"What?"
"How on earth do you know Algebra when you said you barely got an education?" Yuki put her hands on her hips, looking mighty intimidating for someone almost my height. I swallowed, glancing at her, the kitchen door, and the innocent math homework on the table.
I'm SO dead. Why did I even bother helping her? Better question- how do I even REMEMBER this crap?!
"It…just looks easy."
It was such a blatant lie even Yuki was unimpressed.
"That's not it. This isn't grade school math, this stuff is hard."
"It looked easy." I defended, "It's probably wrong."
She raised her eyebrows and walked over to the table, picking up a calculator and pressing a few buttons. I crossed my fingers for a miracle, but when she turned to me with a glare, I knew my luck had run out.
"It's correct."
FML.
"It's easy." I tried again, feeling myself breaking into a cold sweat. She looked stuck though, between scolding, interrogating, or cooing over my stubbornness. That was just Yuki and her mood swings though.
The twins saved me from such a fate.
"Yuki, are you harassing people again?" They spoke in union, hands tucked into their school uniform pockets as they strolled into the kitchen. The girl in front of me fumed for a moment before sighing.
"Breakfast is ready, idiots." She turned back to me, her hand now to her face, "Shi-chan, I didn't think you'd be joining us after…yesterday. Would you like some soup?"
"…uh…waffles, if you have any."
She blinked her mouth opening and closing like a fish, "Why?"
I flushed and gave her a weak glare, "Is something wrong with that?"
She frantically shook her head as the twins sat down next to us, each looking like perfect mirrored copies as they began to eat, "No, it's just…you haven't had that in almost two weeks. Is everything okay?"
Two weeks…
I gave a reassuring smile, "Yeah. Never better."
She looked uncertain, before finally beaming back at me. The twin's just had to kill the moment.
"Hio's done being emotional, huh?" Zero.
"This tastes disgusting." Ichiru.
Both our heads whipped towards them, glaring. Yuki took it a step further and slapped the back of their heads, "That's all your getting for being late!"
"I don't wanna hear that from someone like you!" I pointed accusingly at Zero.
They sulked and moaned about being mistreated by midgets, receiving punches from Yuki. Me and her shared a girl power moment as they sighed dejectedly, giving each other high fives.
Unfortunately, she missed and hit my face.
Life moves on.
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Kaien knew a lot more then he let on.
He knew I had been emotionally unstable, he knew Akemi would help me (therefore allowing her to bunk in the guest rooms with me), and he also knew what I would do for his children.
I didn't get the news till much later. When I did though, I was angry.
"The Senate is hunting you? Why?" I stood from the table, startling Akemi as the twins stood casually by the door, Yuki working on the dishes. They shrugged (no help there) and Yuki sighed (she knew they wouldn't answer).
"They think we murdered Shizuka. They want revenge."
"On all of you? But that's…" Akemi frowned and crossed her arms while I clenched my fists.
"What's the association's word on this?" I asked. Zero huffed, looking non-too pleased. His brother looked just as irritated.
"They want to wait it out and see. They don't want to risk the fragile peace we have already with the Senate. If they have to, they'll hand us over…"
"But that's wrong! You guys didn't do it-"I faltered then steeled myself. I wasn't about to let them suffer for my mistake. I was the one that did it. Not them. I was still an enigma to the Senate and they wouldn't possibly suspect me. I had hid so well that it was nearly impossible to.
Now I'm suffering the consequences of my cowardice.
"That's it." I seethed, pushing my chair in (habit of politeness, even while in a rage), "I'm sick and tired of their meddling. It's time I put a stop to this madness."
"Shizumi." Yuki turned sharply as I crossed the kitchen, "What are you gonna do?"
I gritted my teeth together, "First, I'm gonna get permission to visit those dunderheads," I ignored the poor insult, "and bash some of those political worshipping skulls. Hopefully, I'll be back by dinner. If not, well, you'll have leftovers."
I stomped out the room, barely able to hear Yuki exclaim 'is she nuts?!' and Akemi cheer my name. The twins had been entirely frozen the entire conversation, and I could guess why.
I was going to step out of safety into the wolf's fangs. I shivered.
Nice knowing you, life.
Life moves on.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Kaien had agreed, which completely baffled me. I had been a bit skeptical of his purposes, but he seemed cheerfully enthusiastic about my visit (probably because it'll be less stress on him). Of course, he didn't let it go without a price.
"Aw, c'mon Shi." Akemi snickered beside me at the front gate of the academy, both of us clad in snow gear, "He's only worried they'll eat you."
I scowled and tapped my boot impatiently against the snow covered cobblestone, "Uh huh."
She readjusted Oblivion on her back, "Yeah, yeah, I think he went overkill with Takuma. He said we needed an 'adult figure'." She snorted, "Takuma may look eighteen, but his mind hasn't aged a bit for the last decade."
"It's better than the twin's."
Here, Akemi grinned, "That was almost too funny how fast they charged into Cross's office, yelling about going and bashing skulls with you. That guy with the funny hat had to actually tie them up to keep them still. Just goes to show girls are more mature then guys."
It came out of my mouth before I could stop it, "Then that must make you an 'it'."
Her jaw dropped and I felt heat rise to my cheeks, glad when the familiar blonde hair appeared down the path.
"Hey. Sorry I'm late." Takuma apologized sheepishly, now dressed instead of his uniform, similar snow gear and katana on the back, "Kaname held me up."
I tensed and Akemi groaned, "Takuma, must you talk with every friend you see?"
"Did he say anything?" I asked and Takuma put on one of those innocent sparkly smiles that usually have lie written all over it. I narrowed my eyes.
"He just wished me good luck."
"Is that all?"
"Well…I'll tell you later." He promised, waving it off and approaching the gate. Just as he unlocked it, a call from behind us startled us.
"Wait a second! Wait!" I turned and blinked as Yuki jogged forward, panting as she paused to hunch over, "Y-you…forgot this…"
She shakily extended the item and I felt myself grin. Taking the white fan, I bowed to her, making her blush.
"Thank you, Yuki. This means a lot to me."
"I thought it'd be nice to have it, ya know…" She scratched her cheek, anxiously, "You seemed attached to it. A good luck charm, ya?" She coughed, "The guys are still tied up so, I think I'll do the honors of wishing you luck from all of us. We're counting on you."
I nodded determinedly, inwardly crying in mortification, "Alright."
"Let's hit the road!" Akemi cheered as we exited the grounds, waving to Yuki. I felt a sense of vulnerability as the doors closed behind us. I must have hesitated, for Akemi swung her arm over my shoulder.
"Just wait. When we get there, everything will be easy."
"How so?" I quirked an eyebrow.
She smirked, "Well, if you're ever nervous, just point out how many people have a stick up their ass. It always brightens my day."
"Akemi! Language!"
"Don't scold me like you're my parent!"
I sighed, but felt my lips tug upwards at their arguing. We left the school behind, the snowfall covering our escape towards the Senate. Somewhere along the way, I realized that everything was different. No fear. No paranoia. No coward. No darkness, no cold, no whispers, no pain. Just Akemi's laughter, Takuma's smile, and the fan clutched tightly in my hand.
You can't move forward without moving on.
And so, finally…
I found myself grinning and looping my arm over Akemi's shoulder, laughing carefree.
Life moved on.
If you didn't understand, it was the 'moving on' stage of accepting death. Shizumi comes to terms with herself I guess (if the waffles and finally gainging some life again is anything to go by). Next chapter will be a total shift in mood. Humorous and sketchy, OH ho ho~ it'll eb worth the wait!
Review and I won't talk backwards!