A/N Thanks all for your feedback, it is really appreciated. I'll try to have the next update done soon.
ETA: I meant to edit something in this chapter but I deleted it by accident...oops. Nothing has really changed from what was previously posted.
Happy Sunday :)
Chapter 21
I am so sad.
I feel really bad.
Ashley's the best lover I've ever had.
When this is all over, I'll be glad.
And that's all I've got.
A poet I am not.
But you know what I am?
I am so sad!
I think it's safe to say that since Ashley and I have been an official couple that's the worst disagreement we've experienced.
It wasn't really a fight.
It was more Ashley ignoring her problems and me in turn, putting my foot down.
There's only so much I can take before I can't take it anymore.
I'm at the end of my rope.
I hope Ashley doesn't feel like I've abandoned her.
Because that's not my intention.
And I also hope she realizes that this isn't me breaking up with her.
That would be crazy!
Loony!
Screwy even!
I don't know how many different ways I can put this because I think I've been clear about my intentions.
I am one hundred percent committed Ashley.
While I believe that she could have handled herself better, and that she was unnecessarily harsh with me at times, it doesn't mean I'm going to end things between us.
Bite your tongue!
I would never, ever, ever, do something that stupid!
Ok, ok, I did technically leave Ashley, but you know what I mean.
This is just a temporary situation.
A minor glitch in Team Spashley's agenda.
I worry a little that Ashley is panicking because I've walked out.
But I'm fairly confident that the three years we've spent together, building a solid foundation, will make her realize I would never do that.
Yeah, I do know that never is a strong word.
And I stand by that statement.
I cannot fathom a possible scenario where I wouldn't be with Ashley.
I really and truly can't.
Anyway, I'll check on her in a little bit if I don't hear from her, but right now I have to clear my head.
It's been overloaded lately and tonight it might have short-circuited.
I deserve a break.
So I'm about to see someone who I know will give me exactly what I need.
"Spencer, what are you doing here?"
Madison's voice makes me jump because I was so deep in thought. "I came to see my dad," I tell her as I shift around in the chair outside his office. I called my dad after I left Ashley, and even though he's swamped with meetings, he insisted I come right over. "You're here late, are you still working?"
"Unfortunately, yes," Madison replies with a big sigh. "We are absolutely swamped these days."
Don't I know it, my mom won't stop complaining about the long hours my dad is working.
After my crisis with Ashley is solved, I think an intervention is in order.
,
My dad is a bit of a work-o-holic, if you haven't noticed, and I fear that his behavior might cost him one marriage.
I can't think of that right now because my stomach can only handle so much stress.
I don't want to get an ulcer!
"My sympathies," I say as I slump in my chair. I think I'm on the verge of a major outbreak of pouting.
I contemplated going to Jessie after I left home, but she's heading out of town tomorrow, and I think she wants to spend the night with the wife before she has to go.
I understand completely.
Goodbye sex can be awesome!
Not that I even remember what sex is anymore.
How depressing!
And Glen is still out of the question in terms of going to him for advice.
We're not exactly on speaking terms right now.
Is it me, or do a lot of crappy things seem to happening all at once to me and the people I love?
"I know we're not friends or anything," Madison begins and then she takes a seat beside me. "But if you need someone to talk to you, I can be a good listener."
I give Madison a sad smile. "Is it that obvious?"
She returns my smile. "Pretty much, yeah. You look like someone who just went through the ringer."
Ouch.
And thanks for that honesty.
Boo!
Hiss!
Madison is back to being evil!
At least she's not hitting on me.
Thank goodness for small miracles.
I don't really know if I can confide in Madison.
Like she said, we're not friends.
We're not best buds.
We're not even acquaintances really.
And I don't want to betray any confidence when it comes to Ashley. It's not that I think Madison is untrustworthy, but I'm very protective of my stubborn, yet sexy, brunette.
"Whatever it is, I'm sure it will blow over soon." Please let that be true! "And if I am to assume that this has something to do with Ashley, don't worry, you guys will be fine."
I take it back, Madison is freaking genius!
"What makes you so sure?" I ask curiously. I mean she doesn't really have a clue what is actually going on.
Madison rolls her eyes, but I can tell she's only teasing. "Because, Carlin, all anyone has to do is spend five seconds with the two of you to know how in love with each other you are."
But love isn't everything.
I think Aiden and Glen are a good example of that.
And so are my parents.
Not that I'm freaking out about me and Ashley, I'm just making a point.
"Thanks," I reply sincerely. "I really appreciate you saying that."
Madison gives me one of her patented smirks. "Now don't go thinking I'm a softy or anything, I just wanted you to stop looking sad."
Whatever.
I know enough about her from her friendship with Jessie to know that Madison is more bark than bite.
"Of course, I wouldn't have thought anything else," I tease.
Madison and I don't get a chance to banter anymore because my dad emerges from his office. He tells her to head home and then he ushers me inside.
It takes about two seconds for me to spill my heart out.
I need a second opinion about my actions tonight. Because the longer I don't hear from Ashley, the more I think I might have pushed her too far.
Sure, it's only been a few hours since I left but still.
Silence, when it comes to my love, isn't a good thing.
At all.
"So?" I ask when I finish speaking. "What's the verdict?"
My dad comes over to the couch and then he puts his arm on my shoulder. "I think you did exactly what had to be done, Spence."
"You really think that?" I still have my doubts. "I was worried I should have been more understanding."
"You can only do so much, the rest is up to Ashley," my dad replies. "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink."
Oh my god!
Did my dad just call Ashley a horse!
How rude!
I know she's going though an ordeal but there's no need insult her!
He just made my list!
Wait a second.
I think that actually just made sense to me.
Oops.
I guess that must be some kind of famous expression I've never heard of before.
Don't I feel blonde!
"Thanks," I tell him and that's when I notice how tired he looks. I bet Madison has never insulted him like she did me! So what if he's her boss! "When's the last time you had a good night's sleep?"
My dad chuckles. "Hey, I thought you were here to get advice from me?"
"Don't change the subject on me, buster." I poke him a few times in the chest to let him know I'm serious. Knowing he supports the way I acted with Ashley has made me feel a lot better and the time for dealing with his working problem is now. "When's the last time you left here before dark?."
I watch my dad get up and then he pours himself a drink.
That's new.
Yikes.
My tummy is starting to hurt.
I should have waited to handle this.
Damn!
I can't imagine my parents not together.
I really and truly can't.
They're just one of those couples that's meant to be.
Just like another couple whose names rhyme with Fencer and Bashley.
"We're swamped, I can't leave," my dad explains with a shrug of his shoulders. "Unless you want to come back to work here."
Huh.
Say what?
I didn't quite make that out?
I already have a job.
One that pays me with Ashley kisses.
Like a MasterCard commercial would say: that's priceless!
"Are you serious?" I inquire and I hope he says no.
I hope that a ton!
My dad hesitates for a few seconds.
Oh no!
How am I going to turn him down!
I have too much on my plate!
Not just with Ashley's career.
Or her drama.
But soon it's going to be wedding planning time!
That's going to take all my time and effort!
"I was only joking," my dad eventually replies, but I'm not convinced he's telling me the truth.
On the plus side, I don't have to come back to a place that worked me too hard.
It was like a sweatshop here at times!
What?
"That's what I thought," I say while sighing in relief. "But you really should go home and spend time with your wife."
I hope he takes my advice,
"Hey! Who's the parent here and who's the child?" my dad laughs before he gives me a hug. "Don't worry about me, I'll worry about you, that's my job."
"This isn't over, I'm coming back in fifteen minutes to make sure you leave," I warn.
I'm bluffing.
But he doesn't have to know that!
Maybe Team Parthur needs to be formed so I'm not the child of a divorce.
I guess that means I'll have to make contact with Glen.
Ass!
But it's for a good cause so, we'll see.
"Goodbye, Spencer," my dad deadpans, but I can tell he's not mad.
I'm not really sure where to go now.
Maybe I should contact Ashley.
What?
I'm not giving in!
I'm not!
My phone vibrating cuts into my inner argument.
Saved by the bell!
I loved that show by the way.
How random of me to mention, I know.
But I never understood the last season when that weird Tori girl was on by then Kelly and Jessie disappeared for a number of episodes. But they came back for the prom and the last episode.
So weird!
What?
It just popped in my head!
Sorry.
Not!
I should probably check my text message before things get out of hand.
I look down at my phone and see the following message:
Can you please meet me at your parent's house?
I love you.
Ash
xx
Aw.
She's so sweet!
My parents house?
I wonder why she wants to meet me there?
Oh no!
What if she's going over there to kill Kyla?
What if I pushed her into dealing with her problems so she's decided to murder her sister?
No!
No!
No!
That would be horrible!
Ashley cannot go to prison!
I'd miss her too much!
I really need a vacation.
This stress is getting to me.
I send Ashley a quick message back letting her know I'll be there shortly.
I guess this can go one of two ways.
Really, really well.
Or really, really ugly.
I'm hoping for option number one!
Please let that be the case!
Please!
I pull into my parent's driveway after a calm peaceful drive.
Or, you know, a drive where people kept cutting me off and doing stupid things.
L.A. traffic is murder!
Absolute murder.
Speaking of murder, Ashley's waiting for me in the driveway.
No, I don't actually think her intentions are homicidal.
It's just my way of dealing with the now present anxiety that's residing on my chest.
Ashley's sitting on the back of her car and the expression on her stunning face is decidedly neutral.
I take a deep breath before I get out to talk to her.
I'm not sure what she's going to say.
I'm not sure what I'm going to say.
So much uncertainty.
Boo!
Hiss!
Ashley's eyes have been on me the whole time I've slowly made my way over to her. I still can't figure out where her head is at, and that's increasing the anxiety I'm feeling.
I don't have a chance to ask Ashley why she wanted me to meet me here because as soon as I'm in striking distance, she pulls me towards her and then she kisses me.
Yay!
Ashley kisses!
But...
I know, stupid voice, but we can't resolve this with kisses.
Ashley pulls back, but she keeps me close to her. "I love you too," she whispers, her eyes moist. "I didn't get a chance to say that to you before you left."
"That's ok, I know you do," I reply.
How true!
Ashley shakes her head, "It doesn't matter, I had to tell you." She's acting off, but I'm not going to make her go at a pace faster than she's comfortable with. "You're the most important person in my life, Spence, and I'd be lost without you."
Aw!
My anxiety is easing and my heart a flutter.
Only Ashley can get me to react like this.
I have to make sure though that we actually discuss what happened. Because as nice as swooning is, it's not the solution to resolve what's been going on.
"I owe you on apology," Ashley continues before I can get a word in. "I'm sorry for how I've been acting and how short I've been with you lately."
There's such a joke to be made because of that comment.
But I won't make it.
This is too important!
"It's ok." I try to brush off Ashley's behavior even though I'm glad she recognizes how strained things have been over the last few weeks. I don't want to make her feel worse than she probably does already. "I know you didn't mean it."
"But that doesn't make it right," Ashley counters and I can't really fault her logic. "You've been my rock, Spence, more than you will ever know and the last thing I wanted to, or should have done, is push you away."
Aw!
She's being adorable!
Her words are sweet and sincere!
But there's still so much more that needs to be hashed out.
"Why did you?" I ask. I think it's important to know the answer. "Push me away," I clarify when I see the confusion on Ashley's face.
She lets out an exasperated sigh, but I can tell that the lines of communication are still open. "I've thought about that a lot since this afternoon and I think it's because I know how much you love me."
Huh?
That doesn't make sense.
"You love me a lot and that's why you took things out on me?" I inquire because I'm terribly confused.
I blame stress!
It's turned my brain to mush!
"So much of my life I've been sure that people would leave me." Ashley's voice is barely audible. "But with you, I don't have to worry about that happening. I was feeling so much anger and so out of control that I knew in the back of my mind I could unload on you and you'd still be there for me. You'd always be there for me."
Oh.
That makes more sense.
And aw!
How right she is!
"Except for today," I joke and much to my relief, I get a smile from the girl of my dreams. "Sorry about that."
I still feel a tiny bit bad for walking away.
"You did what you had to do," Ashley replies and the expression she's sporting tells me I probably shouldn't fight her on this point. "You made me face what I'd been too scared to face since Kyla showed up."
Oh my god!
She said her name!
Ashley's hardly ever said Kyla's name.
Progress people.
We might actually be witnessing some progress!
Yay!
"You were so right about my reactions and my reluctance to lay any of this on my father," Ashley says and her voice starts to crack a little. "He's the one I've been mad at the whole time."
"I know," I respond. "But like I told you before, it doesn't mean you don't still love him..."
"It's not just that," Ashley cuts in before I can get anything else out. "Yeah, I've been angry with what he did but that's not the only reason I refused to have anything to do with Kyla."
She said her name again!
It may seem like such a small point, but to me it's huge.
Enough about my thoughts, let's hear what the sexiest woman in the world has to say.
"I got so little from my dad. So little of his time, so little of his attention and so little of his love. At least that's what it felt like when I was a kid." Ashley is sliding her fingers in and out of my hand while she speaks. "So when this other person showed up that also claimed to be his kid I felt like I had to grab onto anything that reminded me of him, without letting them get close."
"So you felt threatened?" I want to make sure I'm not misunderstanding her.
Ashley nods. "Yeah, I felt like if I had to share what I remember about him and our memories, it would somehow weaken our relationship. That I would lose him all over again because he wouldn't be just mine. Does that make sense?"
"It does," I assure her. "But you could have told me that."
I'm not trying to be confrontational.
I need Ashley to know she can come to me with her feelings.
Even when she's upset.
Or sad.
Or angry.
Or anything that's difficult.
I need her to know that my job is to support her, not judge her.
It's my turn now to get out what's on my mind.
"I can't even begin to understand what you've been going through, Ash." I hope this doesn't turn into a fight, but I have to be honest with her when she's been honest with me. "It scares me though when you shut down or lash out at me. I worry sometimes that if something bad happens down the road and it gets too much that you won't know how to deal with it."
That scares me so much.
Maybe it's not a legitimate concern, but I think with the way the last month has played out, it's a valid point.
I need to know that when the chips are down, even if Ashley is completely overwhelmed, running from her problem or our problem won't be something I'll have to worry about.
Don't get me wrong, she's been practically perfect since we started our relationship.
As soon as things got rough however, she reverted back to closed off, angry Ashley.
And I can't help but wondering if it's always going to be a pattern with her.
That's why I'm bringing this up today.
Right now.
Because it's too critical not to address.
"I guess I deserve that," Ashley replies and I'm glad she's not mad at me for what I said. "I don't want that either, Spence. I really don't."
I press my lips against Ashley's for the briefest of moments. "Promise me you'll work on it?"
That's all I can ask from her.
I trust Ashley.
And I have faith in her.
She's already proven that she can come through when it counts.
"I promise," she pledges and I'm confident she means it. "You're too important and what we have is too important for me not to try."
Aw!
My girl!
She's so cute.
"Is there anything else?" I get the feeling that there is so I might as well be direct about it.
Ashley looks sheepish and that makes me curious. "I guess I was also a little bit jealous." Her voice is so quiet I barely understood her.
"Of Kyla?" Ashley nods her head, perplexing me so. "You think that there's something going on with your sister? That's disgusting, I would never..."
"No!" Ashley exclaims forcefully. "Not that kind of jealousy."
Good.
Because that's gross.
No offense to Kyla or anything.
Plus I'm with the best girl in the world. Why would I need or want anyone else?
I wouldn't!
Ashley's cheeks are reddening and I have to remind myself not to get distracted by her cuteness. "You started spending so much time with her, she's staying with your parent's, and I know she's hung out with Jessie a few times. I uh...I guess I felt like Kyla was coming here and taking the people I love from me."
Aw!
Aw!
Aw!
I wish you could see how adorable Ashley looks right now.
I could just eat her up.
And I will.
Later!
Good one!
"Ash!' I say with a lot of affection in my voice. "That's never going to happen. Nobody wants to replace you, and nobody is going to love you any less."
It's unpossible.
Yeah, I know that's not a real word.
But I'm fond of it, so leave me alone, grammar police.
"I did mention to you that I have issues with love, seeing as I had a really shitty childhood?" Ashley jokes. "You did know that, right?"
"How could I forget?" I joke right back. "You're so needy."
Ashley slaps me lightly on the arm. "Too soon, Spence, too soon."
She's not being serious.
I know this because the sparkle in her eyes is back.
Those wonderful eyes that I love getting lost in.
I place my lips against Ashley's a second time, but I let them linger there longer.
Yeah I do!
Because I think the moment I've been waiting for an eternity is around the corner.
You know what I'm talking about!
Right?
Her lips leave mine and I can't say I'm surprised.
Boo!
Hiss!
I'm devastated.
"Come inside with me?" Ash asks before she threads her finger's through mine.
Wait.
Is that innuendo?
I can't tell!
It's probably not because we're at my parents', but I'm still confused as to what she wants.
"I think it's time I was properly introduced to my sister," she explains when I don't move.
Oh my god!
Did I hear right?
She used the 'S' word!
Aw!
I think Ashley has finally had the breakthrough we've all been waiting for.
Yay!
I knew she would step up to the plate eventually.
My girl just hit a touchdown!
And I couldn't be prouder!