Summary: His life had always been perfect, or at least so Roxas had liked to think. But overcoming his own fears for someone else isn't as easy as it seems. When both his own and his lover's past threatens their unstable relationship, Roxas has to face the truth: His life was far from perfect. But at least it was better than Axel's.
Warnings: Psh, since most of you guys are probably even bigger perverts than me, I'll refrain from spoiling anything. It's nothing you can't handle. Nothing graphic or anything. Yet. Hehe.
Pairings: AkuRoku main, RikuxSora, ZexionxDemyx side pairings. Possible LeonxCloud later on. Much, much later though.
Disclaimer: This is getting boring. Bleh. Read disclaimer 1-20 for further information.
Chapter Dedication: Where to begin? Eh. Let's say I'll dedicate it to everyone who hasn't killed me yet and still reads this.
Thanks to: Oh my god... (inhales):
aakahasha, AgainstTheARCADE, Anelir-sensei, Appollochan, biach-goddess-leah, breezies, chibi heishi, Crystalice24201, Ealucidisnotemo, enix-XIII, FadingFire, Flawless Beauti, Iaveina, immacookie, JigokuTenshi999, Jupiter 13, kaiyurichan818, Kev the She-Wolf, kuromai, , Miharu-Tenshi, mulle999, OneKnux, Plain Jane Is A Vampire, queenoficyhearts, RHTHH Founder, SharpiesInAGayRainbow, shinigamigirl42, SlumCity, Surien-san, tesnoire, Thatz, The Forbidden Fox, Vanilla Kiss, Yukiko Chiharu
AND THOSE WERE JUST THE NEW REVIEWERS!!!! Wow... This time I have to have forgotten someone... Please, if you weren't mentioned... forgive me, I've not really slept the last few nights. But thank you! Thank you all so much!
And now go on and read, I'll rant a bit more in the end... Shoo!
Perfect Match - Chapter 20
There were moments that Roxas always cherished when he woke up every morning; moments right between dreaming and being awake, moments when he realized he wasn't dreaming anymore, but when everything still felt unreal and hazy, when the whole world outside still seemed so quiet and calm. He loved those moments even more when he knew he didn't have to get up anytime soon.
Usually he still got up soon afterwards, sitting on his couch to watch the sunrise, still tired but not able to sleep longer than three or four hours. But today he could already feel warm rays of sunlight tickling his skin. He felt warm and cozy, and he felt refreshed like he had slept for ten hours straight...
Well, maybe he had...
However, one thing was annoying him. His pillow, as comfortable as it was, was strange and way harder than normal, and it was moving.
Roxas wrinkled his nose and rubbed his cheek against the soft fabric his face was resting on, yawning and snuggling closer to this fairly unfamiliar but warm, nice smelling, strange pillow, then he forced his eyes open.
Oh.
Well.
For a moment Roxas tried not to breathe, fearing he would wake his redheaded 'pillow'. Axel was still sleeping soundly, and Roxas had to smile. The redhead was lying on his back, his arms under the pillow his head was resting on, face halfway buried in the soft cushion. Roxas' head was resting on the redhead's lean chest, which had to be rather uncomfortable... not for Roxas though, he had to admit. Even though he expected his neck to be cramped and preventively bit his lip to keep himself from uttering a sound, there was no pain at all when he carefully lifted his head, slowly sitting upright and rubbing his eyes, yawning again.
He almost laughed, thinking that the redhead seemed to be shaped just perfectly to serve as Roxas' human cushion... Roxas-nomic, so to speak...
Yes, that was funny if one was still half asleep.
Roxas shook his head grinning, sighing quietly when he stretched and ran both hands through his hair lazily. It seemed to be pretty late already. He was barely able to see the sun from his place on his big bed anymore.
His gaze was drawn to the sleeping redhead again, and again he sighed, barely noticing it. He didn't even realize his hand had moved to brush spiky crimson strands out of a pale, calm face, at least not until he felt the silky texture of lusciously red hair under his fingertips. He held his breath alarmed, but Axel didn't move, not even when Roxas' hastily retreating fingers accidentally brushed over his cheek.
Roxas couldn't help but marvel at the pure and utter beauty, which was gracing his eyes... His gaze wandered over a serene face, eyes closed in peaceful slumber, unnaturally dark lashes resting on pale cheeks, over the eye-catching teardrop tattoos, over the thin nose, the halfway opened mouth, and he couldn't help but wonder why in the name of God this dazzling, stunning beauty had chosen to be with him of all people...
And he had to think he would want to wake up like this every morning... Greeted by this beauteous sight, feeling warm and fuzzy and safe and happy...
Holy crap, had he really told Axel he loved him the night before?
The dreamy smile on his face froze, his vision grew strangely blurred and unfocused, and his breath hitched in his throat. Had he really...?
Everything had happened so fast; the movie, and kissing, and... and... making out down in the basement, and in the kitchen, and in his room... He could remember how thrilling it had felt, he could remember the feeling of hot skin on his own, he could remember wet lips caressing his neck, warm hands roaming his body… Oh God, that had been so exciting... and... then...
Had it been a dream? He knew he had fallen asleep during a movie. Maybe he had really just dreamed it all…
His gaze dropped to a slender, steadily moving chest, clad in the same black sweater the redhead had changed into, after... he... had…
Roxas tentatively reached out again, cautiously grasping one of the redhead's sleeves and tugging it down, revealing white bandages on his lower arms.
Okay... so this part had been real as well. Roxas sighed once again, gently grazing the white gauze with two fingers. The bandaged arm twitched, and Roxas watched the sleeping redhead wrinkle his nose in an unbearably cute way that almost made Roxas squeal happily. Then he lay still again, and Roxas found himself unable to tear his gaze away from him once more.
Why had he done that? He had… he had tried to hurt himself, just because he had thought he could have hurt Roxas if he had continued... And Riku had hinted Axel had done that before. Some days Roxas could not believe that, because on those days Axel acted so... confident. But then there were days like the day before, there were moments when he feared... feared that... someday Axel could try to do something stupid when he had one of those hysteric, irrational panic attacks.
Fuck. And how should he tell Axel about his experiments now?
He groaned softly, biting down on one of the pillows to stifle the sound. He already had known Sora had been right about telling Axel everything before, but only after that scene the day before he had realized how much more complicated it would become the longer he waited.
He had probably waited too long already...
He shouldn't have told Axel that he loved him. But it had felt so right to do it... It just had been the right moment for him to say it. And Axel had needed to hear it, he was sure of that... even though he had not seemed too happy to hear it.
"Why did I do that?" Roxas whispered to himself, sighing deeply and sitting up again, holding his aching head with both hands. He didn't exactly know if he meant his confession... or his experiments. Probably both. Most likely both.
He looked down surprised when he felt something fumbling with his shirt… feeling his eyes widen and his mouth go slack when he realized that this 'something' was a slender hand… slowly making its way around his waist. For a moment he was even too shocked to notice the pleasant, fluttering sensation the delicate touch sent through his body. Suddenly he was yanked back and fell flat on his back with a weak, choked 'Oomph!'. He wanted to sit up again, but a lanky arm was draped over his chest, pinning him down effectively. Roxas held his breath for a moment, not daring to move, feeling an all too familiar, unpleasant warmth rising into his cheeks.
"Stop thinkin' so loud," Axel murmured, the words slightly slurred and his voice still coated with sleep. He snuggled up to Roxas, tightening his hold on the smaller boy and entangling their legs so Roxas had no chance to escape at all. The obviously still halfway sleeping redhead then continued by nuzzling the soft curls of blond hair behind Roxas' ear before he lay still again, sighing quietly into Roxas' hair. Roxas gulped down another panicky breath.
Okay. He had a very, very bad feeling about this situation. Yeah, well, no, eh... ehm... Okay, he liked being held like this; that was an already established fact. But... still, he couldn't get rid of the feeling something awful was going to happen.
Soon Axel would wake up and would notice that he was holding him. Then he would tense up... Yes, like that. Then he would remember the occurrences of the night before, and he would gasp quietly... Just like this. Then his hands would start to shake, just like they did now... And then...
Roxas quickly caught the other boy's hand when he tried to pull it back in his haste to get away from him. He yanked harshly, causing the other boy to fall back this time, and without thinking he kneeled over the redhead, still holding his wrist. Emerald eyes looked up to him, still hazy and drowsy, yet wide and surprised and filled with guilt. The hand Roxas was still holding down closed to a fist and relaxed again nervously. Roxas moved his own hand to cover the redhead's bigger one, feeling his slender frame shake slightly. Axel flinched back, his other hand jerkily closing around the sheets beneath him.
"Hey there, sleeping beauty," Roxas whispered jokingly, and he smiled apologetically when Axel winced at this. A light blush swept over the redhead's cheeks; then he paled again, gasping for breath, his handsome face an image of pain and guilt.
"Roxas, I... I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to..." Axel started to apologize for whatever he thought he had to apologize for, but Roxas just smiled a bit wider and leaned down to kiss the redhead's cheek softly.
"Stop doing that," he said quietly, his eyes locking with emerald ones. "Everything is fine."
"But I... I fucked up your movie night with my... my... outburst yesterday," Axel tried to object, and Roxas sighed, sitting back on the redhead's legs, crossing his arms and frowning down at the boy lying under him.
"Everything is fine," he repeated slowly. Axel groaned softly and sat up halfway, propping himself on an elbow and rubbing his eyes wearily with his free hand.
"No, it's not," he replied sulkily, yelping and jerking and almost falling back when Roxas suddenly poked him in the side.
"Yes it is!" Roxas insisted.
"No it's not," Axel protested again, earning himself another poke. This time he really fell back into the ruffled cushions, holding his side protectively. Roxas smirked when he noticed his voice had grown a nuance higher. "Stop that!"
"Only if you admit that everything is fine," Roxas persisted grinning, poking the redhead's now unprotected side.
"Holy fuck!" Axel shrieked, jerking away from his blonde tormentor's teasing fingers, and Roxas started to laugh. "It's not!"
"Is too!" Roxas yelled cheerfully, letting his fingers dance over the already squirming redhead's stomach again, laughing even louder when Axel tried to shake him off. "I never knew you were ticklish!"
"I'm not!" Axel shouted exasperatedly, still trying to grab Roxas' hands.
"Are toooooooo!" Roxas howled, gasping when Axel finally managed to grab his wrists, yank him down and pin him to the mattress.
"Stop changing the subject, Sunshine," Axel growled, but now he was smiling himself. He tried to hide it with a frown, but Roxas could see it anyway.
"Don't know what you mean," he replied as innocently as possible, licking his suddenly dry lips and smiling. Judging by the weird look crossing Axel's face and the slight blush suddenly appearing on his pale cheeks, it hadn't come out quite as innocently as Roxas had intended. All the more fun. "I enjoyed myself last night. Didn't you?"
Axel winced and stared at him dumbfounded, then he frowned even deeper than before.
"It didn't sound like you enjoyed yourself," he murmured softly, looking away and trying to sit up. Roxas quickly threw his arms around the other's neck to hold him back.
"And which part of all my moaning your name and squirming and kissing you back did indicate that I didn't enjoy what you did to me?" he asked smirking, his smile fading a bit when he noticed tears in those beautiful emerald eyes. Oh, crap. He probably had gone too far with that.
"The part where you begged me to stop," Axel whispered and tried to wriggle his way out of Roxas' embrace. "Could you please let go of me now?"
"No," Roxas answered, lacing his fingers together to hold Axel back instead of letting go. "Could you listen to me for once?"
"I listened to you alright," Axel growled irritated. "Let go!"
"Obviously you didn't," Roxas disagreed sharply. "You didn't do anything I didn't want you to. I just got scared because... I... uhm..." He blushed, and now it was his turn to avoid the redhead's gaze. "I... kinda... never went this far with anybody else before." I always pushed them away before they could go too far.
He still didn't dare to look up, but he could feel the redhead's gaze on him. He slowly let go of his boyfriend, sliding his hands down his neck before he let them drop onto the cushions beneath him.
"Sorry," he mumbled, suddenly feeling both guilty and ashamed. "I shouldn't... have..."
"Okay, this is getting nowhere," Axel interrupted him frowning. "Could we please establish it was my fault and go getting breakfast?"
Roxas couldn't help but stare at him for a moment, and then he hid the soft giggle escaping him in his hand. "Noooooooo, we can't do that," he finally answered, chuckling again when Axel sighed and let his head drop onto Roxas' chest, red spikes tickling his face. Roxas ran a hand through the brightly colored strands soothingly, marveling again at how unbelievingly soft they felt.
"But I need my caffeiiiiiiiiiine!" Axel whined childishly.
"But first you have to admit you didn't do anything wrong," Roxas demanded grinning. "And you have to mean it!" he added when Axel's head shot up and a wide grin spread over his face at this. The redhead's face immediately fell again, and he frowned sulkily.
"But I..." he started, but Roxas shook his head.
"Okay, now we're in the 'But it was entirely my fault!'-phase again. And then we'll talk completely past each other, then we'll ignore each other's apologies, then we'll deny that the other one was to blame at all, and then it will start all over again," he explained, flicking Axel's nose when the redhead opened his mouth to say something. "No, it's my turn now, and you won't interrupt me with one of your apologies."
Axel pouted and raised one hand to rub his nose, but then he nodded, silently urging Roxas to continue.
"Truth is that you started all this yesterday," Roxas said, raising his hand warningly when Axel tried to object again. "No, you did. You were hitting on me as soon as you got here."
"Yeah, but that means..." Axel started and winced when Roxas flicked his forehead this time. "Jesus! Stop that!" He sat up and scooted away from Roxas, rubbing his forehead and pouting at him.
"You'd rather be tickled?" Roxas asked, sitting up as well and glaring back. Axel's emerald eyes widened almost comically and his hands shot down to cover his sides unconsciously, causing Roxas to smile again. "You were hitting on me, but I enjoyed it. Do you understand? I wanted it. I wanted it so bad, I wanted you, but I... I'm not ready yet."
"You think I am?" Axel asked gloomily, curling up at his end of the bed and plucking at his sleeves, scowling at the bandages around his lower arms. "Does this look like I'm ready for anything that even remotely resembles a relationship?" He let his arms drop onto his thighs, then raising his hands to fist them in his hair again, groaning quietly.
And then he softly muttered the words Roxas had dreaded to hear since they had officially started dating.
"Maybe this was a mistake."
To his own surprise Roxas didn't immediately break down upon hearing the words. Oh, he was devastated, and he would have loved to throw a fit or at least break out in hysterical laughter right then and there, because he had been right; because he had known this would never work, because he didn't deserve to even be near this gorgeous, angelic young man. He defiled such beauty with his presence.
He didn't dare to even utter a single word. Words would only make it worse. So he stayed silent. He even bit down on his lip to keep himself from doing or saying anything that could make the redhead retreat even further.
He had known it. It had been too good to be true... Even with all the flaws and insecurities and with all the struggling their relationship had involved so far, it had simply been too good to be true... He didn't deserve it, he...
He jerked violently when suddenly a sharp sting shot through his lower lip. His sudden movement caused Axel to look up again, and the very same moment his green eyes widened Roxas tasted something salty and coppery, and warm liquid dribbled down his chin.
"R-Roxas," Axel gasped, crawling over to him and looking at him worriedly. Roxas stared at him blankly for a moment, then he raised a hand to wipe his chin. It was only a drop of blood, and Roxas just glanced at the dark red liquid glistening on his finger before he stared into bright, almond-shaped eyes again. He licked his lip once, sucking in a sharp breath and wincing again. It did still hurt, but it already seemed to have stopped bleeding.
"Roxas, you... you're bleeding, you..." Axel stuttered again, raising a hand to touch Roxas' face.
"A mistake, huh?" Roxas hissed, swatting his hand away. Axel blinked surprised, then heaved a deep sigh, letting his hand drop to his side again and clenching his hands into tight fists.
"No, I didn't mean it like that," he hissed through his gritted teeth, sitting back again and pinching the bridge of his nose. "I… just… Fuck, I don't know what I meant!" He let himself fall back onto the bed, pressing the balls of his hands against his eyes. "Could you please not be difficult today?"
"And what am I supposed to think? You basically told me that you think we are a mistake!" Roxas growled, barely keeping himself from yelling.
"I didn't say that," Axel muttered without even looking at him.
"So what did you say then?" Roxas queried, not really sure if he wanted to know the answer. But he was sure he hated the cold, uneasy silence that followed his harsh words.
Axel pulled his hands away from his face, staring up to the ceiling, his expression unreadable. He didn't say a word, he didn't even try to answer Roxas' question.
Suddenly a barely audible sob escaped Roxas. He was probably even more surprised about it than Axel, whose bright eyes moved to peer at him. Roxas quickly looked down at his hands, which he had unconsciously balled to tight fists, knuckles already turning white.
"I'm sorry," he muttered shakily, bracing his head in one hand, closing his eyes. Oh, he hated that all too familiar headache approaching… His eyes were burning, his throat felt achy and too tight to breathe comfortably, and his hands started to shake. "I… Oh damn… I'm so sorry; I always have to… have to spoil everything…" He laughed dryly, burying his face in his hands, willing the tears gathering in his eyes not to fall. "Why do I do that?" he muttered distressed. "Why do I always have to spoil everything good that happens to me?" He grabbed a handful of his hair… A sharp pain shot through his skull when he pulled harshly, and he savored the pain. He deserved it, he deserved so much more… he always, always, always had to fuck up everything…
"Roxas…" he heard the other occupant of his big, cold room whisper… He heard, but he didn't register it properly. He laughed again, and he didn't even notice the hysteric note in his laughter.
"I always have to spoil everything good that happens to me," he repeated, still chuckling hysterically. "I'm always so unsure… I'm always so unsure when it comes to you…" He sniffed, but still the tears didn't fall. Then he giggled again. "I was so confident before I met you, nothing… nobody could ever faze me… b-but now I have t-to think about you all the time, and how everything I do could hurt you, and I…"
He looked up bewildered when gentle hands closed around his own and pulled them away from his face. He was forced down into the cushions by those hands, always so gentle, and they brushed back his hair before they were placed on either side of his face.
Roxas wanted to protest, but the soft smile that was directed at him instantly let the words die on his lips. He looked to the side, watched as long fingers intertwined with his own and as another hand touched his cheek, two fingers curling around his chin, forcing him to look up again.
"Sunshine," Axel cooed, smiling again when Roxas pouted at the use of his nickname. "Did you really mean what you said?"
For a brief moment Roxas wanted to ask what he meant. Then he bit his lip again, gently, so he wouldn't irritate his chapped lower lip. Despite the slight sting, he had to smile. He looked up hesitatingly; emerald eyes were gazing down at him, and the tender smile had never left the other boy's lips.
"M-hm…" Roxas muttered, shyly averting his eyes. "I did."
Axel didn't reply to this; he just sighed, then ran his hand through Roxas' disheveled hair, then leaned down to breathe a gentle kiss on Roxas' cheek.
"You're so sweet," the redhead whispered, then softly pressed his lips against the corner of Roxas' mouth. "I'm sorry."
"For what?" Roxas asked, still smiling, feeling light-headed and relaxed all of sudden…
"For making you worry," Axel answered; again pecking Roxas' bruised lips lightly. "For being an idiot." Another kiss, but this time the redhead's soft lips lingered longer. "For not being able to express myself properly." This time he applied just a bit more pressure, slowly moving his lips on Roxas', making the smaller boy gasp. He smiled again; Roxas could not see it, but he could feel it against his suddenly overly sensitive lips. He raised his hand, the one that wasn't interlaced with Axel's, to touch the other's pale cheek. He could feel Axel's words when the redhead spoke up again. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean that I think we are a mistake. I think…" Warm lips moved to softly nip on the sensitive skin on Roxas' neck, then he whispered into his ear, his warm breath brushing over Roxas' skin and making him shiver. "I think you are the only good thing that ever happened in my fucked up life."
Roxas gasped, trying to object, but the words never came. Instead he sighed and gave in when Axel kissed him again, and he closed his eyes, enjoying the redhead's gentle caresses. He giggled when a warm hand sneaked under his shirt, long fingers dancing over his naked skin and making him shiver. He felt Axel grin against his lips again.
And right then, just when Roxas wanted to return the favor, sliding both of his hands under Axel's shirt, he heard someone opening the door.
"Hey guys, uh, sorry Roxas, I know I'm not allowed in here, but, ehm, Sora said it'd be okay and he's busy making break-" Namine interrupted her nervous babbling, peering through her fingers, her mouth falling open. Roxas and Axel both froze, Axel still on top of Roxas, Roxas' hands under his sweater, his own hand just lifting Roxas', and both of them panting for air after breaking their kiss. Roxas noticed only now they had been kissing fairly long already.
Namine stared at them, obviously still in shock, trying to say something… then she screamed, whirling around and fled the room, banging the door shut again.
"OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!" they heard her shriek outside the door, and Roxas had to grin, despite the slight uneasiness Naminé's presence in his room had caused. Well… he was sure she hadn't seen too much of the room… At least she wouldn't remember too much of it… Axel sat up and pulled his sweater down, chuckling quietly. "WHY CAN'T ANYBODY KEEP THEIR HANDS TO THEMSELVES FOR ONCE? FUCKING CHRIST IN HEAVEN, WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME???"
"Maybe because you don't knock before you enter a room?" Roxas shouted, laughing when Naminé kicked the door angrily. Axel had to muffle his laughter with both hands already, and both boys jumped when Naminé kicked the door again.
"What's wrong?" Roxas heard Kairi ask, and Naminé answered something he didn't understand. Then he heard Kairi laugh out loud, and Naminé shouted at her to shut up… Then he heard a strange scratching sound coming from the closed door, loud wailing and both Kairi's and Naminé's alarmed voices.
"Selphie, no!" Kairi yelled exasperatedly.
"Noooooooooo, lemme seeeeeeeee," the brunette screeched loudly, and something heavy seemed to collide with the door. Roxas broke out in giggles again, staring at the door unbelievingly.
"Oh, no, you can't come in!" Axel cheerfully shouted in their direction. "We're both naked!"
The banging and fighting and shouting stopped abruptly.
"OH NO, YOU'RE NOT!!!" Naminé then shrieked, sounding downright hysteric.
"Oh my God, I think Selphie's having a seizure or something!" Kairi shouted.
"YOU KILLED HER, YOU JERK!!" Naminé howled.
"OH GODS NO, I'VE NEVER FELT BETTER!" Selphie all but sang.
"Oh fantastic, thanks to you guys I'll have to jerk off in the shower, thinking of all the things I wanted to do to Roxas right now!" Axel yelled, grinning from ear to ear and winking at Roxas playfully. Roxas blushed, staring at him wide-eyed, then grabbed a pillow and buried his face in the soft fabric to stifle hysteric laughter bubbling up in his stomach. Axel chuckled quietly when the girls on the other side of the door fell silent for a moment.
"OH MY GOD!!" Selphie and Naminé finally screamed at exactly the same time, the brunette ecstatic, and the blonde more on the appalled side.
"Okay, we really didn't need to know that," Kairi added a bit calmer, obviously holding back laughter herself. "You two finish whatever you were doing…"
"OH, HELL YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!" Selphie squealed.
"… but if you want breakfast I'd suggest you hurry up, because Sora won't wait for you if we tell him what's going on here," Kairi finished calmly.
"Are there pancakes?" Axel asked hopefully, and again Roxas laughed into his pillow when he saw the gleeful grin on the redhead's face.
"Of course," Kairi answered, sounding a bit confused.
"Could you bring up the maple syrup then?" Axel continued, now turning his attention to Roxas again. "Or chocolate syrup, if you have some." He licked his lips slowly. "I'd prefer chocolate."
"What?" Now Kairi sounded really nonplussed. "What for?"
"Oh, I have something else in mind for breakfast," Axel answered leisurely, leaning forward and trapping Roxas between his arms again. He grabbed the pillow Roxas was holding onto and flung it aside, smirking at the deep red blush covering Roxas' face. The look in his bright eyes somehow reminded Roxas of a predator eyeing its helpless prey. "Or rather… someone else," he purred just loud enough for the girls outside to hear, emerald eyes glinting mischievously.
Roxas was fairly sure his eyes would fall out of their sockets if he moved his head to the side. They couldn't possibly get any wider than they were now. And his face couldn't possibly get any hotter. Oh, great… and he would never get rid of those mental images again…
"Woah, Selphie, breathe!" Kairi hissed behind the door. Axel grinned a bit wider, but his eyes never left Roxas' face. Roxas blinked a few times, then shook his head fiercely, trying to get rid of the mental porn that had suddenly started playing in his head... It seemed to involve him, the red-haired incubus who was currently leaning over him, lots of liquid chocolate and even more naked skin… He blushed even harder and tried to shove Axel away. Rather unsuccessfully. Of course.
"Stop being stupid," he growled, then grinned and threw his arms around the redhead's neck. "We'd only make a big mess on my sheets. And those are my favorite."
"Aw, but now you're being stupid," Axel replied cheekily, nudging Roxas' nose with his own. "We'd make a mess even without chocolate… But with the chocolate it would be a whole lot…" His voice dropped to a husky whisper, but the impish grin never left his lips. "… messier."
"Oh, stop that," Roxas replied equally quiet, giggling softly when Axel kissed him again.
"What did he say?" Selphie hissed loud enough for the two boys to hear. Roxas didn't mind her, but concentrated on warm lips gently pressing against his own.
"Shush," Kairi immediately tried to silence her. Roxas didn't mind her as well; instead he parted his lips submissively when the other's tongue started to gently probe the seam between his lips.
"Oh, stop it, you two!" Naminé added surly. "Stop eavesdropping!" Roxas completely ignored her, lost in a fierce tongue-battle he knew he would be all too eager to lose.
"Hey, not everybody is as lucky as you…" Selphie protested, then she yelped. "Ow!" Axel broke the kiss, catching Roxas' lip between his teeth and giving it a playful nip before he let go again, his hand once again sliding over Roxas' neck, which caused Roxas to gasp, and chest, which made Roxas squirm, and abdomen, which caused a low moan to fall from Roxas' parted, swollen lips, and-
"And you two, stop fooling around and come downstairs," Naminé ordered through the door, and Roxas could hear Axel chuckle again. He groaned frustrated, letting go of Axel's shoulders and propped himself on his elbows, peering at the door.
"Yes, Mom," he answered obediently.
"Oh, shut up, you!" she retorted sharply.
"Yes, Ma'am!" he retorted sarcastically. Both boys laughed when they heard Naminé growl profanities under her breath.
Roxas heard footsteps moving away from the door, but he didn't dare to look anywhere else but the dark, wooden surface. His heart was beating too fast, he noticed only now… And his face still felt like it was on fire. To add to that, the temperature in the room seemed to have increased a few degrees… And his clothes felt pretty uncomfortable all of sudden…
"Oh, damn… Now I'll really have to jerk off in the shower," Axel suddenly groaned, rolling off Roxas and curling up right next to him for a moment before he sat up, drawing his knees up to his chin. He glanced at Roxas from the corners of his eyes, smirking when he noticed the shocked expression on the smaller one's face. "What? Naminé interrupted us at a bad time. And now I can't stop thinking about…" He grinned, bending over Roxas again, one hand brushing over Roxas' lower abdomen teasingly, his voice dropping to a low whisper. "… Sunshine in chocolate syrup."
Roxas jerked violently, gasping and crawling away from the grinning redhead, speechless, shocked and reacting overall embarrassing. Including some physical reactions he'd rather not think about if he didn't want to embarrass himself even more. He just thanked every god who'd listen to him he had chosen to wear rather baggy clothes after their little escapade the day before when he felt lower parts of his anatomy stir. And he absolutely refused to look at any other part of Axel's body than his face, even though the sly grin he found there, made him feel even more jittery.
"You could take a cold shower, you idiot!" he hissed, only stopping his hasty retreat when he bumped against the headboard of his bed. Axel easily followed him, trapping him between his arms once more, smiling down at him. Roxas' gaze was drawn to his lips; he couldn't help but stare at them, and it took every ounce of willpower not to lean forward and kiss them again. He couldn't let that happen… then it would start all over again; they would have the same fight they had had before…
But then he stopped thinking altogether. Axel leaned forward, his cheek brushing against Roxas', his breath grazing Roxas' sensitive skin and making the fine hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. Roxas' breath came in short, labored gasps; He wanted to shove the redhead away to avoid what he knew would happen now, but he found his hands closing around the sheets underneath him instead, his whole body shaking in anticipation of Axel's touch and his mind unable to find the right, no, to find any words to say.
"I don't believe in cold showers," the redhead purred, and God, if one the participants of his wet dreams ever had a voice it would have been this one… Deep and slightly hoarse and sensual, promising and teasing and… "I think there are more… pleasurable ways to get rid of my…" He could feel the other's smirk against his skin, yet he couldn't help the small gasp escaping him. "…excitement."
He had just not said that!
"S-Stop it!" Roxas hissed, finally regaining his ability to speak. "The girls are gone!"
"Oh, but you're almost as much fun to tease as Nami," Axel replied, and Roxas could feel something warm and wet touching his earlobe. He knew he should be disgusted, because… well, ew! Axel had just licked his ear! But on the other hand… Axel had just licked his ear, and that didn't help his current state of arousal one bit.
His whole body screamed at him to stay and continue… whatever they were doing, just to see what would happen… But he knew he had to stop this if he didn't want to repeat what had happened the day before. Just thinking of what had happened helped him to calm down at least a bit, and he closed his eyes and took in a shaky breath, willing his raging feelings to die down.
He forced his hands to let go of the sheets, his eyes still closed, and he slid his hands under the sleeves of Axel's sweater, feeling the rough fabric of the bandages covering the wounds the redhead had inflicted on himself the day before. He closed his hands around thin, bandaged lower arms, feeling Axel flinch and pull back a bit.
Both of them stayed silent for a while, then Axel retreated even further, freeing his arms out of Roxas' weak grip. Roxas kept his eyes closed, but he could hear and feel Axel hesitating, then warm lips brushed over his forehead briefly.
"You're right," Axel whispered, even though Roxas hadn't said anything. "I'm sorry." Roxas didn't dare to open his eyes, but he could hear clothes rustling and the faint creaking of the bed when Axel rose from it, and he could hear soft footsteps departing rather quickly. But he only dared to fully relax when he heard the door open and close again, falling back and resting his head on the headboard, groaning when his movements caused all too familiar, pleasant sensations to jolt through his whole being, starting from his almost painful erection and extenuating every rational thought.
"Fuck!" he swore through gritted teeth, lightly banging his head against the headboard. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" He made the mistake to move, muffling a loud moan by biting the back of his hand. He slowly opened his eyes, his breathing growing heavier and more uneven.
He carefully examined his room, heaving a relieved sigh when he found no trace of his red-haired, teasing son-of-a-bitch… boyfriend. Who really seemed to have left the room. And who seemed to have gone to the next bathroom… to take a nice… long… shower…
Roxas let a quiet groan slip from his lips again, turning his hand to gently suck on the delicate mesh of veins on the inside of his wrist. His eyes almost closed again against his will; his head was suddenly filled with images… images of Axel shedding his clothes, slowly, sensually, revealing his slender, taut body, only for Roxas to see… images of Axel stepping under the spray of hot water, crimson strands of hair immediately sticking to his face and neck, the heat reddening his ivory skin, vivid green eyes closing, thin lips parting, pale cheeks flushed a lovely shade of pink… steam filling the room, the water making the redhead's pale body glisten in the bright light, a low moan escaping from slightly parted lips as slender hands slid over wet, slick skin agonizingly slow… Then those radiant eyes opened again, trapping Roxas in their intense, lascivious gaze, their emerald depths filled with need and lust.
"There are more… pleasurable ways to get rid of my… excitement," the redhead in his imagination said in the very same throaty, low voice that Axel had used before, smirking at Roxas teasingly. Roxas agreed with him whole-heartedly, barely noticing his own hands ripping his clothes off his own body eagerly.
"I'm so going to hell for this," he whispered to himself before he took care of his own excitement, all the while watching the redhead in his imagination doing the same.
When he left his own bathroom half an hour later, his hair still dripping wet, finally feeling clean again, he couldn't get rid of the blush tingeing his cheeks. He still couldn't believe he had… thinking of… How gross!
And somehow he couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling everybody would know what he had done by just looking at him…
But luckily nobody seemed to even take notice of him sneaking into the kitchen. Everybody was chatting excitedly, some of them were still eating. His gaze was immediately drawn to a certain redhead, who was nibbling on a waffle absent-mindedly, staring into space obviously lost in thought.
Roxas found himself wondering what Axel might be thinking about. He wondered if he… had done… the same as Roxas himself, and if he had thought of Roxas when he had…
"Oi, Roxas! Finally decided to join us, I see!" Hayner shouted through the kitchen, and Roxas cringed when everybody's looks were drawn to him. He knew he was blushing again; he just hoped nobody would notice it.
"What took you so long?" Olette chimed in, grinning up to him from her seat. Kairi, next to her, smirked wickedly.
"Roxas," she greeted him as well, the smirk changing into an innocent, sweet smile. "What do you want for breakfast? Some chocolate syrup?" And back to the smirk. Downright disturbing. "On pancakes? Waffles? Or Axel's chest, maybe?"
Many things happened at the same time as soon as she had said that. Pence's mouth fell open, the piece of pancake he had been chewing on, dropped back onto his plate; Sora dropped a plate, staring at his twin appalled; Hayner's stool toppled over, sending the blond boy to the floor; Riku choked on his food, coughing violently and gasping for air, his pale face changing color from white to almost blue; Olette nearly choked as well, spluttering her coffee all over her plate, barely missing Kairi's; Naminé let her head drop onto the table, groaning loudly; Demyx and Zexion both broke out in hysterical laughter. And that was probably what disturbed Roxas the most, even though both of them tried to stifle the amused sounds rather quickly. Wow. He had never seen Zexion laugh like that...
Axel only chuckled quietly, grinning while resuming nibbling on his breakfast. He glanced at Roxas, who rolled his eyes.
"You're mixing up some things there, Kairi," he snorted, walking over to the free seat next to Axel. "Axel is the one with a liking for chocolate syrup."
"Only if I can have some Sunshine with my chocolate, though," Axel added cheerfully.
"I'd rather have my Pyro with some whipped cream, thank you very much," Roxas continued smugly, kissing Axel's suddenly flushed cheek before sitting down next to him, rather pleased with himself when he noticed the baffled looks on both Axel's and Kairi's faces. He grinned when Kairi slowly raised a hand to cover her nose, her look suddenly showing the same dreamy quality Selphie's always had when she watched gay couples.
"What a shame, I think Demyx just had the last whipped cream," Zexion chuckled. Demyx next to him broke out in giggles again, wiping his sea-green eyes. He shrugged and grinned apologetically.
"That's alright, I feel pretty… satisfied right now anyway," Roxas replied, now smirking himself, winking at Kairi, who slowly but surely turned beet red.
"Oh, really," Sora chimed in, now grinning himself. "I could always make more…"
"Ooooooooooh, stop it!" Naminé groaned. "That's gross!"
"Awwww, come on, Nami," Axel laughed and pulled the small blonde into a one-armed hug, ignoring her obvious discomfort. "Don't be like that!"
"Yes, don't act like you didn't already think about drawing that!" Hayner shouted, laughing along with Demyx and Zexion now. Naminé chucked a pancake at him, hitting him square in the face. He only fuelled her anger by thanking her, still laughing, and starting to eat it.
"Where's Selphie? And Tidus, and Wakka?" Roxas asked, finally realizing he had surprisingly not been tackled by an over-excited brunette fanclub-president yet.
"Wakka gave Tidus and Selphie a ride home," Olette answered, grinning cheerfully. "Selphie was pretty excited after your verbal exchange upstairs."
"Yeah, Tidu-widu will be pretty thankful for you two acting so gay around Selph all the time," Hayner added, winking at him and taking another bite from his Naminé-sponsored pancake.
"Oh, how rude," Axel chirped, fluttering his feminine eyelashes.
"Yeah, we don't act gay around her," Roxas protested, acting offended. "That's just how we are!" He grinned and turned to look at Axel. "Right, Sweetheart?"
"Oh Roxieeeeee, Hayner is so meeeeeeean," Axel wailed, sniffing and jutting out his lower lip in an adorable pout. "Why does he always have to insult us for showing affection for each other? That doesn't make us gay!"
"I know, Baby, I know," Roxas cooed, laughter tearing him apart inwardly. He was really proud of himself for keeping his voice so calm. He petted damp red spikes soothingly. "He didn't want to hurt your feelings."
"Oh, I…" Axel blinked as if he wanted to suppress tears, fanning himself with one hand in the most theatrical way possible and taking in a deep breath as if to calm himself down. "I know my emotions sometimes get the best of me, but I…" He broke off, closing his eyes briefly and feigning a small sob. "I really try to act more masculine, but I can't help being so sensitive…"
"Why do you always have to over-exaggerate everything like that, Drama Queen?" Riku sighed, taking another sip from his juice to calm down his offended throat. "And you two sucking faces in public does make you gay."
"Oh Riku, how could you?" Axel immediately shrieked, flinging his arms around Roxas' neck and hiding his face in the smaller boy's shoulder, acting as if he was crying. Roxas chuckled and petted his hair again, giggling when he felt the redhead biting his exposed skin gently.
"Stop that," he said, trying to shove Axel away. "You already had breakfast."
"But there is still some chocolate syrup left…" Axel started, smiling innocently, but stopped himself when Naminé let out a frustrated scream over the others' laughing.
"If anybody dares to even imply another sexual joke, I'll… I'll… Oh, you don't want to know what I will do to them then!" the blonde threatened, her blue eyes positively blazing with fury.
Needless to say, the rest of the breakfast was spent in absolute silence.
Naminé, Kairi, Olette, Hayner and Pence left soon afterwards, the blonde artist still uncharacteristically sulky and moody. She did apologize to Roxas and Axel for yelling at them though, blushing heavily when she did. To Roxas' surprise Axel refrained from teasing her, apologizing himself for acting so immature before.
Demyx and Zexion left soon after them; Demyx had been rather absentminded for a while, softly humming to himself while playing with his food. When Sora worriedly asked him if he wasn't feeling well Demyx just laughed, writing a short note to him, explaining he felt better than he had for a while now; he just wanted to go home to write down this idea for a song he had.
When Demyx and Zexion were gone, Axel and Riku exchanged a meaningful look; then both of them smiled.
"He's getting better," Axel whispered, still smiling fondly.
"So it seems," Riku agreed quietly. "He hasn't written anything in ages."
"Demyx writes his own songs?" Sora asked surprised while clearing the table.
"Of course," Axel answered thoughtfully, tilting his head back to look up to the ceiling. "Had even two or three of them recorded, back in Hollow Bastion…"
"Three," Riku clarified. "The ones where he used Zexion's poems as lyrics."
"Oh, yeah." Axel grinned. "He recorded all the instruments himself, didn't he?"
"How many instruments were there to record?" Roxas asked, standing up to help his twin. Riku and Axel also rose from their seats, collecting the dishes and handing them over.
"Eight… or nine different ones," Axel answered, chuckling at the twins' unbelieving stares. "Well, at least two or three guitars, bass, drums, keyboard each song. In one of the songs he played harp as well… and in another one he had three violins. I think there was a flute in one of them as well. Xylophone… oh, and accordion. Did I forget anything?"
"The Theremin," Riku immediately answered, now grinning himself. Another plate slipped from Sora's hands; sharing the fate of the one he had dropped during the discussion that had taken place earlier.
"Wow," Roxas breathed stunned. "Those are many…"
"And of course his voice is an instrument itself," Axel added cheerfully, picking up the remnants of the plate. He threw the porcelain shards in the trash, sighing softly. "I really miss his singing." His voice had an almost longing quality to it when he said it; and the tender smile on his handsome face didn't make it better. It was a smile Roxas had only seen directed at him yet, but now it wasn't directed at him. And that hurt. "He was so gorgeous when he sang…"
Roxas tried to hide it, but the sudden pang of anger and jealousy seemed to have shown on his face. He caught Riku glancing at him and looked away quickly, trying to force a smile on his face. He knew it wasn't meant like that; he knew Axel didn't feel for Demyx this way anymore.
… or did he?
"Wrong thing to say, Pyro," Riku sneered, frowning at the redhead. Axel didn't seem to understand at first, blinking back at the silver haired teen confused; then his eyes widened, and he immediately reached out to grab Roxas' hand. Roxas' first instinct was to pull his hand away, to run away and hide in his room again, and to avoid getting hurt. But instead he took a deep breath, curling his fingers around Axel's slender ones, staring at their linked hands while trying to push the irrational jealousy to the back of his consciousness.
"Sunshine, I…" Axel started, but fell silent when Roxas looked up to him, returning the look slightly startled.
"I know," Roxas sighed, closing his eyes for a brief moment. "You're sorry; you didn't mean it like I thought; I'm overreacting, and you're sorry again. Could we go straight to the part where you kiss me to calm me down?"
He heard Riku whisper something to Sora. Sora giggled softly, and Roxas could see him nodding from the corners of his eyes.
Axel blinked at Roxas dumbfounded, and then he hid a quiet chuckle in his hand, bright eyes sparkling with amusement. He pulled Roxas closer, laying an arm around his waist and leaning down to kiss him, soft and gentle.
"I'm still sorry," he whispered smiling. "I'm just happy he seems to finally get better again. Do you understand that?"
"Of course I do," Roxas replied, smiling himself, even though he suddenly felt so tired… so drained… He laid his arms around the redhead's neck, to make sure he wouldn't go away. "I guess I should have warned you beforehand… I don't like it if you direct words such as 'gorgeous' at people other than me."
"Jealous much?" Axel chuckled, then lifted Roxas up to place him on the kitchen counter, much like the evening before. Roxas glanced at Riku and Sora briefly, blushing lightly, but was soon distracted by warm hands combing through his hair and turning his head so he had to look at Axel again. He closed his eyes right before Axel's lips met his in another tender kiss.
"Oh, get a room," Riku snorted without even looking at them.
"Leave them alone, Riku," Sora said smiling. "You're happy Axel is feeling better as well, admit it."
"I deny ever having said that," Riku replied grinning. Axel and Roxas looked at them, and Roxas was rather surprised to see the expression on Riku's face grow sadder. "And it seems like I was wrong anyway," the silver haired teen added, throwing Axel a dark look. "Your arms?"
Roxas could feel the arms around him tighten uncomfortably, and Axel's head jerked around so quickly his brightly colored hair almost whipped Roxas' face.
"I'm fine," Axel growled, and Roxas could now feel the redhead's trembling hands curl around the fabric of his shirt. "Stop that!"
"Stop what? Worrying about you?" Riku retorted sharply, glaring at him. Roxas could tell the two boys often argued like this; he could see it in the tired expression in Riku's aquamarine eyes, and in the almost defeated way Axel hung his head.
"Stop acting like I'm suicidal!" Axel hissed, still not looking up.
Somehow Roxas felt pretty out of place now. He would have left the room had he not been held in place by Axel's long arms. He glanced over to his twin, who seemed to take great interest in scrubbing the dirty dishes in the soapy water, his blue eyes fixed at his hands doing the work, blushing lightly. He seemed just as uncomfortable as Roxas felt.
"Stop acting like you are!" Riku shouted angrily, slapping his flat hand on the counter. "Why won't you let anybody help you?"
"I don't need help!" Axel yelled back, his grip on Roxas finally loosening as he tried to march over to the silver haired teen, his face a mask of anger.
"Axel…" Roxas whispered and grabbed the redhead's arm to hold him back. Axel flinched violently, turning around to look at Roxas, his eyes wide and his mouth falling open. He suddenly paled visibly; it seemed like he had forgotten all about Roxas and Sora. Roxas felt miserable and strangely guilty, but he didn't let go of the other's trembling limb.
"M-Maybe… maybe you do," he stammered, fighting the urge to avert his gaze. "Maybe you should… let somebody help you."
"Sunshine…" Axel started, his voice shaking even worse than before; Roxas answered by pulling him closer and hugging him, feeling the slight trembling of his shoulders and stroking them lightly, trying to soothe the tension in the redhead's body.
"I know you don't want anybody to worry about you," he said, resting his head on Axel's lean shoulder and biting his lip when he felt the other's labored breathing in his hair. "But they already do. They can see you struggle against your memories. They know you have those flashbacks. They are your friends. Let them help."
"But I…"
"It's not only about you, you know," Roxas continued, ignoring Axel's weak protest. "How should they get better if they always have to worry about you as well?"
"But I don't want them to worry about me!" Axel hissed, pressing his trembling lips together and closing his eyes with a soft sigh.
"I don't want you to worry about me as well," Roxas replied gently, smiling at him when the redhead opened one eye again. "But you do it anyway. You told me a few days ago, remember?" Roxas smiled when Axel nodded slowly, chewing on his lower lip while he continued to stare at Roxas thoughtfully. "So I try to tell you what's wrong with me, so you can help me get better. And I really don't like talking about my problems. You know that. But I thought… you could… try to do the same?"
Now he couldn't stand looking at the redhead anymore; he felt so unbearably guilty for interfering. It really was none of his business. He hadn't been exactly honest. He hadn't told Axel why he had acted so strange. He really had no right telling Axel to admit he needed help.
He looked at his hands, nervously playing with his wristband. For a while it was eerily quiet in the kitchen; the only thing Roxas could hear was Axel's strained breathing.
"He's right, you know?" Riku finally whispered into the silence. He didn't seem angry anymore; just tired and sad. "We can't help being worried. And you're not making it easier by lying to us." He sighed deeply. "Demyx is always scared you could do something stupid when you're alone. That you could try again to… to…" He broke off, suddenly sitting down on one of the chairs and holding his head with both of his hands, aqua eyes trained on the floor.
Roxas let go of Axel now; the redhead didn't even seem to notice. He was looking down at Riku, his gaze softening visibly at the other boy's obvious distress.
"Do you even think about what would happen to… to Demyx and Zexion if you weren't there anymore?" Riku suddenly spoke up again, without taking his eyes off the cream colored tiles. "I… I could never look out for them like you do. I'm not strong enough to be there for them."
"Riku…" Axel sank to his knees in front of Riku. When the other one looked up, Roxas could see tears in his eyes; yet Riku seemed determined not to let them fall. Somehow Roxas doubted Riku was only talking about Demyx and Zexion.
"You always were there to look out for us," Riku whispered shakily, his bright eyes narrowing. "Do you know how devastated Demyx would be if you weren't there anymore? Don't you remember… don't you remember how devastated he was when… when I found you… almost…"
"I know," Axel replied unusually gentle, returning Riku's look calmly. "I'm sorry."
Roxas exchanged another meaningful look with his brother, who shook his head sadly. It really sounded like Axel had tried to kill himself once. But who could blame him? He had been through so much. He had to have been at the end of his tether to do something this drastic; to actually consider leaving his friends alone in a situation like this.
But now he seemed so calm, and he returned Riku's look unflinching. Roxas was sure Axel would not do something stupid like trying to commit suicide again. Well… what he had done the night before with his arms hadn't been… serious, Roxas was sure of it. He had just been very upset.
"You… you can't…" Riku muttered, but stopped surprised when Axel laid a hand over his mouth.
"I won't," Axel interrupted him and pulled his hand away again. Roxas thought he saw a small smile lighting up Riku's features, but it was gone so quickly that he couldn't be sure.
"And you'll let us help you?" he asked sternly.
"I'll… try," Axel answered softly. He glanced back at Roxas, who slowly slid from the counter, leaning against it while watching them. "I… I will talk to Aerith as soon as we're home. Alright?"
This time Roxas was sure about the smile, even though it was gone pretty fast again.
"Fine. About time, Pyro," Riku huffed, trying to wipe his eyes without anybody noticing.
"Oh, no need to get all mushy about it, Pretty Boy," Axel replied, rolling his eyes.
"Asshole," Riku chuckled.
"Shithead," Axel countered, now smirking himself as he stood up again, brushing non-existent dirt from his pants. "Come on, we should help Sora cleaning up…"
"All done," Sora chimed in, busy drying the last dishes. He just wanted to put them away when Roxas noticed Riku's expression changing. And he was staring at Sora's hands…
"Sora…" Riku said slowly, rising from his seat and grabbing Sora's wrist. "Did you leave your gloves on when you did the dishes?"
Sora stared at him confused at first; of course he was still wearing his gloves, now soaked with soapy water. The chocolate haired twin hastily put the dishes into the cupboard before slamming it shut, and suddenly he paled, blue eyes wide. But when he turned around to look at Riku, his usual happy grin lightened up his face once more.
"Oh, I…" Sora laughed, but in Roxas' ears it sounded rather forced. But of course he was Sora's twin; he always noticed things like that. He thought Sora did a good job hiding his surprise. "I… Oh, look at that, I completely forgot to take them off… I'll… just get a new pair, okay? Be right back!"
He ripped his hand from Riku's, dashing out the room, the cheerful smile leaving his face as soon as he had turned away from Riku. Both the silver haired teen and Axel stared after him, frowning confused.
"Wait, I'll help you search," Roxas called out and followed his twin, offering the other two boys a quick "Just a minute!" before he left the kitchen as well.
He found Sora in his room of course; Sora flinched when Roxas opened the door, staring at him, his eyes wide and scared and his face even paler than before. He looked close to passing out, sitting on his bed while rummaging through the drawer next to it.
"R-Roxy, could you…" he gasped, and Roxas immediately closed the door behind him, turning the key once.
He cautiously stepped closer, laying a hand on Sora's trembling shoulder. Sora winced at the gentle touch, again searching his drawer, pulling out a new pair of his trademark fingerless gloves.
"Sora, calm down," Roxas said quietly, but Sora just threw the gloves onto his bed and tried to peel the wet ones from his badly trembling hands.
"W-Why did h-he even notice it?" he asked, his voice sounding strangely high and shaky. "He shouldn't n-notice…"
"It's alright, Sora," Roxas tried to calm him down, taking his hands and holding them gently. Sora was still shaking, and his fingers closed almost painfully tight around Roxas'. Roxas squeezed his brother's hands gently, and then helped Sora to peel the drenched black and yellow fabric from his hands.
"Do… do you think… he…" Sora stuttered, flexing his fingers uncomfortably. Roxas took one of his hands again, sadly examining his brother's palm.
"No, I don't think he suspects anything," he answered while his eyes wandered over the scars all over Sora's otherwise perfect hands. The scars were deep and ugly and contrasted with the rosy skin surrounding them. He could almost see the blood pouring from the deep cuts that had caused those scars again; he could almost smell the metallic stench of blood in the air. Sora had cried back then as well, just like he did now.
"Should I tell them to go home?" he asked cautiously, letting go of Sora's hand to let his brother cover the long healed welts on his palms again.
"No," Sora answered, plucking at the new gloves nervously. But he seemed to calm down quickly, now that his hands were safely hidden again. "That would only be even more suspicious."
Roxas wanted to disagree, but Sora didn't seem to listen anymore. He jumped off the bed and raced to the door again, fighting to keep the tears out of his eyes and the smile on his face. Roxas followed him downstairs.
The very moment he re-entered the kitchen he knew he had been wrong. Riku did suspect something. Roxas could see it in the way aquamarine eyes immediately darted to Sora's hands, and in the small frown on his face. And Sora knew that Riku suspected something, judging the way his smile grew more strained by the second.
Well, shit.
Roxas didn't know what to do. Sora was obviously not ready to tell Riku about… that. And Riku himself seemed unsure about asking about it… Well, understandable after all the things that had happened the day before.
"We better get going," Axel suddenly broke the silence, obviously trying to ignore the tension suddenly filling the room. His green eyes searched for Roxas, who smiled at him relieved.
Riku seemed unsure how to reply to that. He opened his mouth and closed it again, his eyes wandering from Sora to Axel and back to Sora again. He furrowed his brow, biting his lower lip. "But…"
"Oh, I see," Axel grunted and heaved himself out of his seat. "First you bug me about talking to Aerith and then you tell me it's not important anymore?"
"I didn't say that," Riku protested, narrowing his eyes at Axel. The redhead didn't even blink. And even though Roxas wasn't quite sure about it he thought he could see the tiniest bit of relief in those aquamarine eyes.
"Good, because we're going home now." Axel grabbed Riku's arm, dragging him along. When he reached the twins he let go of the other one again, leaning down to gently kiss Roxas goodbye.
"You don't have to do this right now, you know?" Roxas whispered into his ear before they parted again, feeling Axel hesitate for a second. Then the redhead kissed his nose grinning.
"No, but I should. Or else I'll try to find a way to back out of it again," he whispered just as quietly. He kissed Roxas once more. "See you tomorrow?"
"Sure." Roxas smiled as well.
"We… pick you up again? Tomorrow?" Riku asked hesitatingly, watching Sora fidgeting with his new gloves. Sora didn't dare to look up, just nodded silently. He didn't even look up when Riku kissed his forehead gently. He didn't look up when Riku left with Axel. He just stood there, staring at his hands, his eyes and face blank.
"Sora?" Roxas asked, reaching out for his twin.
"I know," Sora replied to his unspoken question sullenly, and out of the blue he started to snicker mirthlessly, hiding his miserable grin with one gloved hand. "I'm being pretty hypocritical, aren't I? Forcing you to tell the guy you love your darkest secrets when I'm not even able to show the one I l-.. like my fucking hands!"
"I didn't know that you hadn't shown him yet," Roxas said quietly.
"Oh come on, how could I? What should I tell him how I got those scars?" Sora sighed, this strange, eerie grin never leaving his face.
"The truth," Roxas replied, trying to grab Sora's hand. Sora turned away from him.
"Oh, suuuuuuure," he chuckled, examining his hands closer. "'Oh, I just took a knife and cut my hands open…'"
"That's not how it was," Roxas retorted stiffly.
"That's exactly how it was," Sora stated coldly.
"It wasn't your fault," Roxas insisted stubbornly.
"Who else's would it have been?" Sora hissed, glaring at Roxas. "I was the one holding the knife. I was the one cutting my hands. There was no one else." He turned around before Roxas could reply to that. "I'm outta here. I'll go swimming." And without another word he was gone.
Roxas stayed up until half past two in the morning, waiting for Sora to return. He sat in one of the three living rooms, watching TV with the sound turned mute, looking at the fast changing, brightly colored scenes flickering over the screen without registering them. He had searched the beach, and then the house, hoping Sora would have been back already. He had searched at their usual spots; the ice-cream parlor, the park, the cinema, the hill behind the paopu forest, the whole fucking island, and then the house once more. He had called all of their friends, save for Riku, asking if they had seen Sora. No one had. And slowly but surely Roxas grew scared. Sure, Sora went out without him quite often; Roxas knew Sora still liked to spend time on their old play island, all by himself. But today he had been upset when he had left. Plus, he had never spent the night on the play island before. Usually he came home right after the sun had set, because he knew Roxas didn't like being left alone in their home.
Roxas sighed and turned the TV off, the flickering, bluish light giving way to shadows and starlight. He looked out of the window, trying to make out his brother's silhouette against the dark flower garden. There was no movement at all, not even the flowers swayed in a gentle breeze. Everything seemed lifeless and still.
He rose from his seat, ignoring the shadows creeping closer. He knew he was home alone right now, yet he couldn't spare even the slightest sliver of his mind to feel uncomfortable about it.
Sora hadn't been so upset about his scars for a long time. And somehow Roxas had assumed his brother had gotten over them some time ago. Seemed like he had been wrong.
"Stupid hands! Why can't they do what I want for once?"
"Roxy… It hurts…"
It was a child's voice reverberating from the shadows. A child no older than five, sitting in the kitchen, crying over his bleeding hands with a blood-coated knife lying on the floor next to him.
"Sora," Roxas sighed, opening the glass door and stepping out into the dark flower garden. "You won't do anything stupid, will you?"
"Course not," a tired reply was muttered from behind the white roses. Roxas frowned, quite surprised but not as startled as he thought he would be. Somehow he had already suspected that his brother would be back.
"How long have you been sitting there already?" he asked into the darkness, walking over to the source of the voice. Sora was sitting on the stone table, looking out to the beach, hands tightly clasped together. Roxas couldn't see him properly; the dim light of the stars was not sufficient to light up the garden, and the moon was a barely visible crescent against the black velvet of the night sky. Yet Roxas could feel his twin's shoulders were sagged and his lips set in a tight, angry line, and he knew Sora was plucking at his gloves.
"I wanted to wait until you went to sleep," Sora answered, his voice sounding dull and slightly hoarse.
"You know I can't sleep when I'm alone," Roxas retorted sharper than he had intended. Sora stayed still for a moment. Then he sighed deeply.
"Right," he said quietly. "Sorry."
"No, don't be," Roxas said equally gentle, sitting down on the table next to his brother. "I wasn't really tired anyway."
"You were worried about me?"
"Of course."
"Sorry."
They fell silent again, listening to the waves down at the beach. No other sound was heard, until distant bells chimed two o'clock.
"Why do you think Riku would mind your hands?" Roxas asked, not really expecting an answer.
"Why do you think Axel would mind your experiments?" Sora countered, drawing his knees up to his chin and hugging them close to his body.
"That's not the same," Roxas hissed, but then he sighed again, shivering when suddenly a stiff breeze ruffled his hair and clothes.
"No. I guess not," Sora admitted, and Roxas could hear a soft smile in his voice. "I guess I'm just a coward." Roxas already wanted to answer, but a gentle hand was laid over his mouth, cutting him off. "No, don't. I know what you want to say. You're wrong, and I am a coward when it comes to… this." Another tired sigh escaped Sora's lips. "You… you don't have to keep your promise. I have no right to force you to tell Axel about your experiments. I'm sorry I tried to make you do it. You don't have to."
"Yes, I do," Roxas replied, pulling his brother's hand away from his face. "I won't break another promise to you. I've broken too many in the past."
"But you don't…"
"I will tell him. I have to. It's wrong to keep it from him."
Again they fell silent. Roxas finally slid from the table, grabbing Sora's hand. "We've gotta go to bed. They are gonna pick us up soon." Sora hesitated for a second. But then he heaved another deep sigh, and followed his brother inside without further protest.
Author's Notes: Yeah well. I know, there is no excuse as to why this took so long. I mean, there's not even TEH CONFESSION in it, right? Good thing I already have finished the next chapter as well already... just needs to be beta'd still, and then you'll get the fucking confession. And you won't be happy about it!
But yeah, I really don't have an excuse. I guess you could say I was in a slump the last few months. The biggest part of this chapter (as well as the finished next one and about half of the one after that) were pretty much written in the last two weeks or so. If it feels a bit rushed, this might be the cause; if it's not as good as you probably hoped it would be I'm sorry, but I hope you still like it.
Hm... what can I say? Please, if you have anything to say about it, review! Just don't tell me I took too long to update, I know that myself, and I'm very sorry about it, believe me. I'll try to update faster again.
Eh... thanks for being so understanding? OTL