Disclaimer: Only borrowing these wonderful characters from Rob Thomas. I sadly own nothing, but wish I did.
Chapter 21 – Peace Offering
Logan woke up earlier than Veronica did the next morning. After a few minutes of enjoying the feel of her body still pressed up against his, he slowly removed his arm from under her without waking her up. He sat in bed for a few more minutes and watched her sleep, trying to keep the memories of the bad moments from the night before from coming back to haunt him. She was so peaceful and was making the small little sounds that he still remembered even years after she'd been gone. He knew the realization that Alexis was so similar to Lilly had really bothered her and he still wasn't sure how to make that better for her. He eventually got up carefully and went down to the kitchen to make her some breakfast.
When he was finished cooking, he brought the food and coffee up for her on a tray. He hated to wake her since she was still sleeping and looked so content, but he had really hoped to talk with her before he had to leave for the office, even just some light conversation to gauge how things stood between them this morning. After standing beside the bed for a few moments, he set the tray down on the dresser nearest to the bed. He knelt down on one knee next to her and then brushed his hand over her hair gently to wake her up.
He stroked her hair a few times and then ran his thumb tenderly across her lips, before leaning down and kissing her softly. She started to wake up as he was kissing her, and he could feel her smile against his lips as she returned the kiss.
"Good morning," she said sleepily, after their lips finally parted. She had a dreamy expression on her face as she opened her eyes half way and looked at him. "Mmmm… do I smell bacon?"
He smiled lovingly at her as she sat up and rubbed her eyes. "Of course, what else would I try to feed you? I made some pancakes too for you." He leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips again. He started to stand up to get the tray, and she grabbed his shirt and pulled him back toward her for another more passionate kiss.
"Mmm…" he moaned as pulled away from her lips. "Your breakfast is getting cold."
"It can wait," she said as she pulled harder on his shirt and he fell on top of her on the bed. "Even though I love bacon, this kissing thing is pretty amazing too." She kissed him again and wrapped her arms around his torso. "Do you have to go to work soon?" He nodded with a regretful expression and kissed her quickly again and adjusted himself so he wasn't crushing her.
She ran a hand through his hair, then took her other hand and ran it over his facial hair. She started with the hair right above his lips and ran her fingers around the side of his mouth down to his chin. "Any special reason for this?" she said indicating the hair on his face.
He shrugged and smiled warmly at her, "I guess I thought I looked older with it and it seemed like a good idea when I was running for Mayor. You don't like it do you?" He narrowed his eyes at her to try to get her to be honest.
She smiled back, "It's sort of scratchy, but I suppose you do look older with it." She was still rubbing her fingers over it as she answered.
"Want me to shave it off?"
She smiled a little shyly and nodded slowly. "But only if you want to, if you don't it's fine too."
He laughed lightly and kissed her on the lips quickly then hopped up off of the bed. "Eat," he said as he placed the tray in front of her and kissed her on the forehead.
He headed into the bathroom, and she heard the shower running. He came back out a short while later in only a towel. Her face lit up with a smile as she finished her food and noticed his face.
"Better?" He asked, running his hands over his chin as he saw her look up and smile. She nodded with a pleased look on her face. He walked closer so he could lean over and kiss her, and she put her hands on the sides of his head, lightly cupping his ears with her fingers, and held him there so she could kiss him on his chin and the skin around his lips that was now smooth again. She moved her hands and rubbed them on his smooth face too.
He finally pulled away and gave her another quick kiss on the forehead. "I really do need to get dressed and into the office soon. Will you have lunch with me again today, or are you busy?"
She thought about it for a moment. She had been planning to try to have lunch with Wallace this week, but given how things went last night, she thought Logan could use a little extra attention. "I'd love to."
"Thank you," He said happily as he kissed her one more time, and then headed for his closet. "Should I pick you up at your dad's office?" She told him that should work and if anything changed, she'd let him know as she watched him getting dressed into a nice tailored suit. "Same deal as yesterday? No chasing after Fitzpatrick's or Troy right?" he asked as he was buttoning up his shirt.
"I promise, only checking the tracker again today for that case." She was carefully watching him as he moved around the room getting ready to leave. He seemed calmer again today, and she was relieved to see that some of the anxiety and guilt he'd displayed the night before had subsided.
He had glanced at his phone on the dresser as he was finishing up his tie and let out a deep sigh. A distressed look crossed his face as he stood there looking at the phone.
Veronica had gotten out of bed since she was done eating and was on her way to the bathroom to shower and get changed too, "What's wrong?" she asked as she walked up to him and wrapped her hands around his waist, looking up at him with a concerned expression.
He wrapped his arms around her in return, and then placed his chin on top of her head letting out a frustrated sigh. "I have a meeting this afternoon with Leo for a domestic crimes taskforce up date. How am I supposed to face him knowing what I know now?"
She leaned back so she could see him and looked up at him sympathetically. "We still don't know that he's involved with anything bad. Just act like you normally would. I'm sure it will be fine Logan."
He kissed the top of her head and then leaned back so he could look into her beautiful blue eyes again. "I hope you're right." He finished dressing and gave her one last kiss before he headed for his office.
As he left the house, he felt like things were better between them than they were when they went to bed at least. On the outside, she didn't seem to still be worrying about how much Alexis was like Lilly, though she was likely just keeping that hidden. Logan knew she was a master at burying her feelings when she wanted to. Even though it might not be healthy, he was still relieved to have a bit of a break from the heavy emotional issues they had dealt with the night before. He knew this wasn't going to be easy, and so he really appreciated all the good moments that helped to rebuild their relationship, because those could give them strength to deal with whatever issue might come up next.
Logan had been in his office for about 30 minutes going through his email, when he heard a familiar clicking of heels approaching his partly opened door. He was never really sure why she was the only woman at City Hall who seemed to have that unique cadence to her step, but he could always tell it was her as soon as he would hear her heels clicking on the tile floors. He also knew that Jenny, the receptionist he shared with a couple of the other offices, would normally not buzz into his office to see if it was okay for her to come in if she knew he didn't have anyone already in the office with him.
Alexis rapped lightly on the door as she pushed it open and came into his office. He kept staring at his screen and didn't turn to look at her. He had developed a bad habit of lightly drumming on the keys when he was thinking of what to write or just distracted, and he started doing it as she closed the door.
"Good morning, I brought you a peace offering," Alexis said as she slowly approached his desk. He could see her getting closer out of the corner of his eye, even though he was still staring at his laptop. He could also tell what she was carrying without even looking, just from the smell. "It's your favorite, a caramel latte."
He angrily sighed and finally turned his head to look up at her.
"If you'd rather have plain old coffee and cream, I can go to the break room and make that for you instead," she said with a smug smile on her face.
"A latte isn't going to change me being pissed at you for last night Alexis."
She gave him a slight frown, though there was still a bit of mischief in her eyes, "I know," she paused and narrowed her eyes a bit at him, "especially since you called me Alexis." She walked closer to him and set the cup down next to his laptop. "I'm sorry I brought David last night. I should have at least made sure that was going to be okay with you first." She positioned herself leaning against his desk, facing toward him. That seemed to be her favorite way to talk to him whenever she came in his office. He knew she liked to be in a position that let her feel like she was in control of everything, and trying to tower over him when they would talk was something she routinely did.
"I'm not just mad about that, I'm also mad that you were a bitch to Veronica." He had narrowed his eyes at her more and had an angry expression on his face.
She gave him a genuinely confused look and then arched up an eyebrow as if she'd just realized something, "I really didn't think I was a bitch to her, but I'm sorry if you thought I was. I didn't realize talking about our past was off limits. I figured you were being honest though and not keeping secrets from her."
"That's not what I meant, Lexi." Logan shook his head a bit in frustration.
"So what, you were never planning on telling her things we've done together?" she gave him a surprised look, "So if you took her to Paris, were you planning to pretend we hadn't been there 3 times before and act like it was your first time?"
He shook his head and sighed, "No, you just didn't need to be so forthcoming with so much of our history, especially all at once."
Alexis let out a low chuckle, "Wow Logan, I really didn't think you'd be trying to hide things about the last eight years of your life, especially from her. Didn't you say keeping secrets from her was one of the main things that destroyed the two of you before?"
He put his elbows on the desk and rubbed his temples, "That's not what I'm doing… not what I meant."
She put her hand on his shoulder and gave it a soft squeeze, "I'm sorry, I guess I get it. I'll try to tone it down if I see her again." She hesitated a second before she continued in a slightly angry tone. "Can you really blame me for not liking her though Logan?"
He put his arms down on the desk and looked at her with a puzzled look.
She laughed slightly and shook her head in disbelief that he seemed to actually not understand why. "Don't forget I was the first one who was really with you after she left, and that was already a year after she'd been gone. The amount of pain she caused by abandoning you and never looking back was unbelievable Logan. I was also the one that was there to help you get past that pain, and I know that wasn't easy. I swear it took almost a year for you to finally not look at me like you thought I was going to bolt any time we had some little fight or problem to deal with." She paused and looked at him with sadness in her eyes, "Logan, I'm sorry that I wasn't cut out for a monogamous relationship, but that doesn't mean that I ever stopped loving you, and I sure as hell don't want to see you go through that again. I can't just stand by and watch her destroy you again."
He looked up at her still confused about exactly what she thought was going on. She looked sadly at him and placed her hand on his cheek. "Are you really looking at this objectively, or are you just following your heart like you usually do and praying that you don't get destroyed by her again?"
She shook her head and gave him a grim smile when he still didn't respond. "I know she's on a suspension from the DA's office from talking to my uncle."
"Lexi, I told you to never check up on her through him." Logan's look of confusion changed to one of annoyance.
"I didn't go looking for information Logan," she rolled her eyes slightly at him, "but he knew that she was your ex-girlfriend from Neptune when Pete first hired her. You know my uncle and Pete are friends from law school, and he found out about the suspension right after it happened. He mentioned it when I spoke to him last week."
Logan let out a frustrated sigh, but didn't say anymore.
Alexis ignored his sigh and continued on. "So she gets suspended from her job, obviously she must not be seeing that cop anymore that you saw her with when you were out there last winter or she would have probably just stayed there rather than coming out here when her dad isn't even in town." She paused for a minute to read his expression to see if she was right, and his reaction, or lack of a disagreement, seemed to confirm it. "How convenient for her that you're available and after eight years of no contact from her at all, she shows up here when her life is at some painfully low point looking for something or someone to fix it."
Logan didn't say anything and went back to staring at his computer screen, letting out a little huff of air.
She knew his reaction wasn't one of disagreeing, but she pressed on as if it was, "Or am I wrong and she had been in contact with you sometime in the last eight years that I just didn't know about?" He again didn't say anything, so she continued on taking his silence as confirmation that she was right. "And I'm sure you're hoping that she's going to just leave everything in Massachusetts behind and come back here to give you a second chance at happily ever after." She sighed and knelt down next to his chair so she was below his eye level and put her hand on his knee. He finally turned to look at her again, realizing the shift in her position was significant to what she was trying to say to him. His expression was now grim, though it was difficult for her to tell if he was angry at her or upset about the truth of what she'd said.
Alexis's expression was full of compassion and concern now, "Has she told you that she loves you and that she's going to stay this time? Or is she just using you to feel better about whatever crap happened to her in Massachusetts?"
"It's not like that Lexi." He wanted to so badly to be able to tell her she was wrong, but he honestly didn't know what Veronica was planning to do yet and she hadn't gone as far as saying that she did actually love him. Unfortunately that wasn't something she'd ever been able to directly tell him in the past either.
"Really, are you sure it's not like that? Logan, I know you, probably better than almost anyone. I know how you felt about her after she left. How she was this ideal memory that you held on to that I could never quite measure up to. I really do still love you and I don't want to see you get your heart crushed by her when she leaves again." She waited to see if she could tell what he was thinking before she continued. Unfortunately for her he did have a terrific poker face when he really wanted to and was able to focus on controlling his emotions better now than when she had first met him 7 years ago.
"Do you really think she'll want to stay here in Neptune once she learns that she's no longer suspended and is feeling better about what ever forced her to come back in the first place? Uncle Stephen said Pete wouldn't actually fire her. Pete told him that she's too good of a lawyer, even for being so young, but he wanted to make sure she realized there were consequences for her actions. Don't you think she'll remember everything she hated about Neptune and leave again once they ask her to come back?" She paused a moment, watching the expression on his face to see if she was getting through to him or not. "Of course she's only been back a little over a week, and maybe it will take longer than that for her to remember all the things that drove her away before. How much will she resent you later if she thinks she should stay for you now and then decides it's a mistake after she's quit her job in Massachusetts?"
Logan sighed and shook his head, looking up at the ceiling for a moment.
"I'm not saying this to be petty or jealous Logan, but I really don't want to see you get hurt by her again. I should have said this before, but I didn't realize things had gotten so involved between the two of you. At least not until I saw you both after you'd snuck off for some backstage sex at the play." She hesitated for a second before continuing. "Not that I'm terribly surprised because I know you'd never say no to her, and I also know how amazing you are, so I'm sure she didn't have a hard time jumping right back into fucking you again."
"Lexi, you don't understand," Logan answered with a bit of anger coming through in his tone now, "it's not like that at all."
She looked at him compassionately, "OK Logan, then tell me how it is. What is it I'm not seeing?"
He sighed and looked back at his screen again, "She's not using me. She just doesn't know what she wants to do yet. She does care about me and she doesn't want to hurt me."
She reached up and softly ran her hand across his cheek and looked at him sadly, "I really hope you're right, but please don't blame me for being skeptical. She doesn't seem to have a very good track record for sticking around when things get difficult. And the fact that she ran away when things got tough in Massachusetts just strengthens that argument you know."
"I know she may not stay Lexi. I'll deal with that when it happens," he paused for a moment then added "if it happens." He tried putting on a strong facade so she couldn't see through to the real concern he had under the surface.
She had put her hand back on his leg and was looking up at him with a tremendous amount of concern still. "Well if you're wrong, you always know where I'll be if you need me." She leaned up and gave him a gentle kiss on his cheek. She stroked her hand across his shaved face and gave him a quizzical look about that before she stood and left his office.
As he listened to her footsteps fade away down the hall, he tried to tell himself that she was wrong. Unfortunately he was bothered by the fact that he couldn't easily deny that some of what she said might be true. He just wanted so badly to believe that Veronica would decide to stay and that they could make things work this time. Even if she did go back, he wasn't planning to give up without trying to make it work even if it had to be long distance for a while. He hoped they wouldn't have to add that extra challenge, but he wasn't going to give up just because of it either.