Chapter 21
I'm trying to kiss you
I wasn't asleep. I was lying comfortably in the warmth of Darien's arms watching his chest rise in slow even breaths. He was sleeping, and he was beautiful, like some fairytale prince, all dark and light. It was at the back of my mind that it was getting late, the sun had gone down a while ago, and that I should get home before my parents did, but leaving him after the magic we had just shared seemed wrong. I shifted slightly, my bare leg brushing his. It was a strange sensation I decided, as my heart lodged itself in my throat and then dropped down to my toes. Lying naked next to the person you loved most in the world was surreal. Knowing that if I just reached out my fingers I could trace his chest down to his stomach and lower if I wanted, it was all allowed now.
Darien stirred and I sucked in my breath, hoping he would remain asleep, but wanting him to open his deep-sea eyes and look at me. His eyes cracked open and I was enchanted by the slit of blue. Suddenly his eyes popped open taking me by surprise, not unpleasant, but a surprise nevertheless.
"What time is it?" He asked and hurriedly got out of the bed and pulling on clothes, "I have to get you out before-" he saw the time on the clock and stopped. All energy seemed to leave his body, he slumped and remained still, seemingly weighing his options. A sharp knock sounded on the door, and Darien reacted as though he had been shot.
"Darien, dinner time." His mother's voice came through the thick wood. I was suddenly nervous, why was Darien reacting so badly, why did he feel the need to hurry me out? Didn't he want me to meet his parents?
"Darien?" I asked doubtfully and got out of bed, pulling on clothes as I went. An uncomfortable silence fell, I was feeling used and frightened, Darien was scared. I could sense the fear coming off him in gigantic waves. It put me on edge and my chin lifted with stubbornness.
"Darien, I have to go home now." I might as well have been speaking to a brick wall. Darien was muttering to himself and I caught the tail end of the one-ended conversation, "sneak her out before anyone sees… after they go to bed?...she needs to go home" and it went on. I was now getting angry, I could feel the heat of it in my cheeks, was he embarrassed to have me in his room, worried what his parents would think of me? Ashamed of what we had just done? Grabbing my bag I marched to the door and undid the locks.
"No! What are you doing?!" Darien leapt forward to stop me, but I had unfinished them all and opened the door with a triumphant look over my shoulder. I frowned when I saw the look on his face, it was a mixture of panic and fear. I turned around slowly and saw a tall, handsome man standing in the hallway. His eyes were a mixture of Darien's blue and black, and his shoulder length black hair pulled back into a tight ponytail at the collar of his dark navy suit. He was smiling, but the smile wasn't reaching his eyes.
"Good evening Darien." His voice was pleasant, cultured like silk covered pearls.
"Good evening Father." Darien returned politely and subtly took my hand and pulled me back until I was level then took a step forward and placed me behind him.
"Oh now Darien, don't hide your friends. Its rude." His smile faltered for a second a clear message in his eyes for Darien to read. "Bring her out and let me meet her."
"Yes Father," there was anger and anxiety in his tone his had tightened desperately on mine as though a warning. He stepped back and reluctantly brought me forward.
"Father, this is Serena Johnson, my girlfriend." I won't deny that a flash of happiness went through me as he confessed those words. "Sere, this is my father Augustus Shields." I stepped forward and held out my hand.
"A pleasure to meet you Mr. Shields."
"No, no." Augustus Shields took a long look at me, up and down, it made me uncomfortable and Darien placed his other hand on my shoulder. He took my outstretched hand and turned it, kissing the back all the while looking me in the eye, a message hidden there for me, "the pleasure is all mine I assure you." I felt dirty and as soon as he released my hand I snatched it back, but refrained from wiping it off on my uniform skirt.
"Why don't you join us for dinner Serena? My wife and I would love to hear all about you."
"I don't think that's a good idea Father." Darien stepped forward placing his body obviously against my back. "Serena has to get home to her own family."
Augustus glanced at his son dismissively, "I'm sure they can spare her tonight. Why don't you phone them and ask permission?" The question was directed at me and I didn't know what to say. Non-verbal was all I could manage; I nodded.
"Excellent!" He smiled smoothly at me, his gaze wondering over me again. "Darien go get the phone for Serena."
"She can use the phone in my room…" Darien began and was cut off rudely by his father. "Darien! Get he cordless from the lounge." A sinking feeling was starting in my stomach, when Darien left I was going to be alone with this smooth, handsome man that kept giving me very inappropriate looks. Darien couldn't leave me alone with his father! He seemed to be thinking the same thing I was, because he pressed himself almost desperately against me and put his arms loosely around my shoulders.
"Come on Serena, let's go phone your parents."
We made to get past Mr. Shields, but Augustus wasn't about to let his order be disobeyed.
"Come with me Serena, I want to show you my library." I glanced at Darien desperately and he looked helplessly back, "Darien can meet us there with the phone." He continued noticing our looks.
"As you wish Father." Darien bowed stiffly and in one more act of defiance tilted my chin up and laid a searing kiss on my lips, a claiming kiss, marking his territory and making me off limits. Mr. Shields merely grinned at him and offered me his arm, with no choice I took it and let him lead me away. Darien immediately sprinted off to get the phone.
"So Serena, my son must love you very much to defy me so." Augustus began and I was startled into silence, it was just so private. "You must love him enough as well, though I must say that you seem to have learned more manners than he has." He shot a glance at me and seemed amused by my shocked face. "You seem shocked? Maybe you are a little too innocent for my son Serena."
I said nothing and tried to quell my nervousness as we travelled further and further away from anyone else, away from everyone we were very alone. We reached a plain door and inside was one of the most beautiful rooms I had ever seen, it was covered wall to floor with books, a stray gas fireplace was sitting in the middle surrounded by leather chairs and lamp tables. There was little light, but enough to appreciate the shear opulence of the library. I felt like I was in an old mansion instead of the top floor of an apartment building. They were richer than I had thought.
My thoughts stopped as he lead me to one of the leather chairs and sat me down. I sat rigidly not liking the way his hand made small circles on my shoulders in familiar intimacy. What right did he had to touch me like that!? I shifted away from his hands and cleared my throat. A small chuckle began behind me and I resisted the urge to run far away.
"Relax Serena, Darien wont find that phone for a while, so we have more time to get to know each other." He moved around the chair- to my front- and put both hands on the armrests. Leaning forward, he invaded my space and I shrunk back horrified.
"But you are his father!" I tried to will the chair to swallow me up.
"I am, and being so am in the perfect position to tell you that you are too good for him." He lost his humour and frowned at me moving in again. "Hold still you silly girl, I'm trying to kiss you."
"No!" I all but shouted and tried to push him away, but to no avail, he was so much stronger than me. Disgust and desperation coiled in my stomach and I fought not to retch. Some primal part of me knew that he wouldn't come near me if I threw up all over him, but I had my pride, and he wasn't going to know how scared he was making me feel.
There was a soft knock on the door and Augustus drew back irritated.
"Yes?" He barked and moved completely away from me, straightening his blue tie and making his appearance innocent again. I remained where I was, shrinking and a fine tremor running though my body.
"Augustus, dinner is ready." The voice was soft, but had a delicate vein of steel underneath it. The woman was angry, but hiding it well.
"Be there in a minute." He replied and she began to close the door, Darien burst through the door and took in the scene in two glances. One at his father, standing away from me, slightly rumpled but relaxed and one at me, shaking, pale and shrinking into my fine leather seat. He dashed forward and grabbed me up, "Father I want to walk Serena home now, she's not looking well and her parents want her home for dinner."
"Very well, take her." Augustus waved his hand airily at us like he was dismissing the suggestion that it could rain on a sunny day.
I gratefully got up and made a shaky bow. I didn't forget my manners even though Mr. Shields had. We made a quick getaway, but he waited until we were downstairs and outside looking up at my building before he said anything.
A vile word escaped his clenched lips as soon as he hit the chilly air outside the building. His hands were firmly in fists and he was shaking with the force of his grip, he had moved away and turned his back on me.
I stood there not knowing what to do, not knowing what I would have done if it had been my own father trying to molest Mina, my best friend. I said the only thing I could.
"It's okay Darien, he didn't hurt me."
"It's not okay! He was trying…" words failed him and he gestured helplessly, "trying to kiss you." He finished in a whisper and hung his head ashamed by it all.
"But he didn't." I reached forward and touched his shoulder, "your mother came right on time."
"Yeah, go Mom." He mocked dryly head still bowed. He let out a harsh laugh. "Mother was probably standing outside the door listening to the whole thing. She waited to do anything, that Witch!"
I said nothing, it was probably true. I had been shown an ugly part of Darien's life I really didn't want to know. Well it was too late now, and my mind had other things to dwell on; things such as the wonderful hours we had spent together that afternoon.
"Well forget about it Darien, we spent some wonderful hours together this afternoon, I can't wait to do it again soon." I smiled letting warmth and promises fill my voice so he could hear it. He turned around with an exhausted smile on his face, "you really are something you know that?" He came back to me and took my hand in his looking at how our fingers meshed together; in the half light it looked like one hand. I smiled coyly at him and moved in closer to his body warmth, invading his personal space and loving the way his chest moved with every breath he took. I raised myself slightly, closed my eyes and lifted my chin waiting, he was smiling when he kissed me, I could feel it. The knowledge brought butterflies a flutter in my stomach and that clichéd lightning- that was so overused, but described the feeling perfectly- was shooting itself up and down my spine. I slid my hands up his chest, still awed that I was allowed to touch him like this, and locked them behind his head tickling his neck by running two fingers softly up and down the hard knobs of his spine.
We stopped kissing and just stayed close to one another.
"You know what?" I whispered against his lips.
"What?" He replied rubbing his lips over mine.
"I loved that kiss you gave me to tell your dad that I was yours." I was playing, but it was the wrong thing to say, he got upset again and stepped away from me.
"Well it didn't exactly work did it!?" He said angrily and I felt myself bristle. I forced myself not to get angry.
"It's the thought that counts. I'm trying to tell you that I appreciated the gesture."
Darien said nothing. In the dark I could barely see his outline it was impossible to see his face. I shrugged not really sure what to say, I hadn't meant to remind him, I was just trying to tell him that I loved that he was willing to lay his claim on me. It made me feel safer, but he wasn't going to let me say it. He saw his father's actions as his own fault.
"I wanted to say thank you, but you are being a jerk about it." My anger was coming out, I struggled to stifle it, it wasn't right that we were fighting over this. I swallowed my pride. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to remind you."
Darien took a deep breath in and out. Calming down and beginning to think rationally again he gave me a half smile, which I couldn't see in the dark but could feel by his presence; it wasn't as cold and guarded.
"I'm sorry too." He replied heartfelt, and I knew he was referring to everything that had happened lately as well as what had happened earlier.
"So we are okay again?" I asked knowing it was so.
"Yes we are okay again," Darien replied amusement lacing his tone with laughter. He stepped towards me again and claimed my mouth in a bruising kiss. We broke it laughing.
"I need to go now Darien," I said reluctantly and pulled away.
"Will I see you tomorrow?"
"Yes, I want to have coffee with Mina tomorrow, why don't we meet up together in the mall." I tilted my head and waited for an excuse to not meet me in public.
"Sure, call me when you get the details." With one more quick kiss, which turned into four, I turned and walked back into my building. I looked back when I got to the elevators. Darien was still standing at the door, silhouetted and looking dejected. I knew why, I wouldn't want to return to the punishment Augustus would have for him after he defied him in front of me. I sent up a silent prayer for his safety and continued home. There was nothing I could do, Augustus would get hold of Darien anyway, and his punishment would be even worse if it was avoided. I was the catalyst and I felt terrible about it, it was my fault that Darien was going to suffer now.
I got to my room, after avoiding my family and their pleadings for me to have dinner, depressed and edgy I collapsed on my bed and cried into my pillow. I cried for Darien, I cried for the magic we had experienced that afternoon and I cried my fear from Augustus away.
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Darien waited until Serena was far away before he let the fear show on his face, his father wasn't going to be happy with him. In fact he was going to hurt him dearly for this insult and defiance. How long did he dare wait before going back? It had to be the right mixture, come home too soon and he would hit the still raw anger of his father, come home too late and Augustus would have had time to simmer into a blind rage. He had to get him in between. He gauged it was long enough and made his way to the apartment where he slept. It wasn't his home, it was a place to sleep and get money from, home was where Serena was.
He didn't hesitate outside the door; he just marched right in and was greeted by silence. That stopped him, drunken hope filled him as he wondered at the possibility they had gone to bed and he could escape his punishment for tonight. He walked stealthily in socked feet and opened his door. It was pitch black in the room. He turned on the light and started, his father was sitting on the bed.
"Father!" It was surprise and fear that caught up on the wake of the dashed hope.
"Darien!" his father mocked in the same tone, throwing up his hands for good measure. It looked comical on the cold face, but Darien never felt less inclined to laugh.
"You embarrassed me in front of a guest today Darien." He began still sitting on the bed not moving, save for his eyes, which restlessly moved over objects in the room. Darien's body went stiff and cold. This was going to hurt. He fell to his knees, forehead to the floor, desperate and afraid he squashed the self-disgust.
"I'm sorry Father, but Serena is special to me. I forgot my manners and the respect owed to you. I'm really sorry." Self-lothing was written on his face for prostrating himself before his father, but Augustus couldn't see it while his forehead was to the floor. It pleased his father to have his son completely pliable to his whim, bowing before him in an utter lack of self respect was a gratifying, powerful experience. Usually Darien still showed defiance and hate when he was on the floor, he had finally found something to use that would make Darien obey out of something other than fear for himself,- which was fun- but fear for someone else –which was so much more fun. Augustus lost the will to punish Darien, it was just so much more gratifying and nasty to gently pat his son on his bowed head and walk out. Patronising and confusing to the poor boy, but Augustus wasn't finished with Darien's punishment, no it would be fun to use Serena as leverage. Darien knew nothing of pain, yet.
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It was only around eight when Serena got home and cried in her pillow. When she felt she could cry no more she picked up her cellphone and called Mina.
Mina answered on the second ring.
"Hello Sere!" she sang happily from her own bed where she was pasting up new pictures on her wall.
"Hi Mina, what you doing?" Serena put on her pajamas and got into bed, pulling the covers right up to her chin.
"I'm pasting new pictures up on my wall." Mina giggled as she grabbed the latest one of her and Serena. "My, we are photogenic."
"Lucky us," Serena sighed not really feeling into small talk. Mina picked up on the depressed note in her voice and put down the pictures. Plonking cross-legged onto her bed she switched the phone from her shoulder into her hand and concentrated.
"What's wrong Sere? You sound down."
I made a two second calculation, Mina didn't know about Darien, and it would be wrong to tell her about his family. I was not a gossip, but this was Mina, my best friend. I would tell her about Darien, leave out the family part.
"Darien Shield is my boyfriend." I blurted in a one breath, relieved to get it over with.
There was a pause then, "I know."
"You know!?" I could have been more surprised. "How could you possibly know?"
"Mal told me." Mina replied laughing.
"Mal?" I asked completely confused. "You mean Malachite?" This was amazing, she had had a crush on him forever!
"Yes, the one and only!" Mina's laugh was infectious and I felt my spirits rise.
"When? How?" I asked dazed and happy for my friend.
"The day before yesterday, I was talking to Seiya and he strode up and demanded that he was going to win me from my cousin." She laughed again, "Seiya said, 'sure here you go' and walked away."
"You serious!?" I exclaimed laughing with her, "that's hilarious. What did Mal do then?"
"He told me loved me, and then kissed me." Her voice went soft and wistful, "Sere I'm so happy."
"As you should be," I replied giggling, "You've had a crush on him forever!"
"Yes I have. Now tell me about Darien, how did that happen?" she changed topics smoothly, and my good mood vanished.
"We met in South Africa. We just got close there, and before we knew it had fallen in love. Darien is still irritatingly concerned with his stupid reputation and so ignores me at school. We had a massive fight this afternoon and then made up."
A soft sigh came over the line, and I blurted out the truth.
"I mean we really made up. It's now official."
"You… you mean you guys did it?" she fumbled for the words.
"Ya, Mina it was the most amazing thing I've ever experienced." It was my turn to go all wistful. There was silence on the other end, not an uncomfortable one, more like an awed silence.
"Wow… wow Sere, that's incredible."
"I know isn't it?"
"Does it… you know… hurt?" Mina's embarrassment in asking the question matched my own as I answered.
"Yes it does, but you don't really feel it, when you are doing it with someone you love, the pain turns to pleasure so fast. Mina it was amazing, I felt like I saw heaven."
"Wow… wow." She repeated obviously dazed. I laughed at her and felt my spirits rise again, this was doing me good. I remembered that we were supposed to meeting for coffee tomorrow.
"Mina, do you still want to meet for coffee tomorrow?"
"Yes!" She gushed, "I want to see you so much! We have lots to talk about."
I smiled at her enthusiasm. "Maybe the boys can meet us later?"
"Sure, I'll call Mal. You know it's still amazing I can do that." She added giggling.
"I know what you mean." I laughed with her, then decided it was time to go to sleep, my crying had left me exhausted, not to mention my emotion filled day. Starting with Diamond then ending with Darien. I said a quick goodbye, after deciding on the time to meet and flicked my light off.
I fell asleep in a matter of moments, but only after sending another prayer up for Darien's safety.
A/N: Im sorry this took so long, but I'm back and have finished writing the next chapter out on paper, so hopefully it wont be so long next time.
References:
"I am, and being so, am in the perfect position to tell you that you are too good for him." He lost his humour and frowned at me, moving in again. "Hold still you silly girl, I'm trying to kiss you." -Based on Draco Dormiens (Book 1 of the Draco Trilogy) by Cassandra Claire.
Hi all! Wow its been so long. I finished this chapter on paper along time ago, but typing it in was another matter, and then I changed everything, so I did the thing from scratch :p So its here now.
Ok very important: Does anyone feel up to Beta for this story?
A huge THANK YOU to all my readers and reviewers: hecate0808, Eternally Sailor Moon, bethanie, serenitatis417, KatBlue, Gr33nJ3w3lRain, raye85, ViscountessKiera, Adem from Poland (Yes your english is very good : D ) lunarianmaiden, Lady Tristana Rogue, Baby Luna Kitty, Sailor Destiny Earth, GinnyPotter0183, Usagi Tora, sereNendy, ffgirlmoonie, Kawaii-CherryWolf, Shrouded Mist, merangelgal, Silent-Serinity-Girl14, inspire16, HarlyX5-657.
Wow i love you all!