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Chapter Twenty-One. Bath.

Most days, she made it look so easy because to Beth, most days, it was easy.

She got up, got the kids up, fed them, got them ready for school, got them to school then went to work and took care of other kids all day before returning home with her own kids, feeding them dinner, helping them with homework, getting them ready for bed and tucking them in and doing it all over the next day.

Her life was very much repeat every day. And she liked it because she knew what to do and how to handle it all and things were a bit too hectic at times but she liked that. Most days. Most days, she was fine with running in a thousand different directions after three children and a husband and it made her happy and made things interesting and there wasn't a day that went by that she didn't love it all.

But some days, even if she loved it, it absolutely exhausted her. Some days, she woke up and got out of bed and already couldn't wait until she could get back in bed again. Some days, she was just so tired and felt so much older than just thirty-one. Some days, she felt like she was still a young girl, playing at being a grown up, and she had absolutely no idea what she was doing. Some days, she just wanted to run away and anytime she had that thought, she felt nothing but guilt because this was her family – her husband and her kids – and she loved them more than anything and she would never leave them. Sometimes though, some days, it all became just so overwhelming and she wondered if Daryl ever felt that. She was almost too afraid to ask though.

It was one of those days. One of those days where she was tired before it even began and she was quiet for most of it. And she knew Daryl picked up on it immediately. No one knew her better than Daryl and she could feel his eyes watching her, closely and silently, but she didn't indicate anything to him. When she was in one of these moods, she never wanted to tell him about it because Daryl had this way of taking something that was wrong with her and no matter what it was, he twisted it around so he was able to blame himself for it. He was always so quick to hold himself responsible for every possible wrong thing in their lives.

After dinner that night, filled with eager chatter from Hunter proudly listing all fifty states in preparation for a quiz he had the next day and Luke grumbling about how he hated his biology class and everything that had to do with science, the kids helped clear the table and Beth loaded the dishwasher and Daryl put away the leftovers and it was the same as it was nearly every other night.

She could feel Daryl looking at her but he wasn't asking her what was wrong and she wasn't going to offer the explanation to him. She loved Daryl; had been with him for so long now but sometimes, she just wanted to keep some things to herself without having to pour herself out to him every time she had something heavy on her mind. He was her husband but she was still allowed a couple of secrets kept to herself. And she knew it was selfish but if she told him about it, he would turn it around and make it all about him and she would be the one to comfort him and assure him and right now, she just wanted to wallow and be the one to feel sorry for herself.

She wondered if her mom had ever felt like this with her own husband and three kids. If some days, she just felt like standing in the middle of the room and screaming, letting it all out in one big rush of emotion. Even if she never had, Beth knew that Annette would understand more than any other person in her life and she would have to go talk to her about this. Because while these moods didn't happen often, Beth hated that they happened at all and she wanted to figure out how to get them to stop. This was the life she had chosen for herself and it was too late to go back and make different decisions for herself. She was happy – so happy – and she never had to remind herself of that except for the occasional day like this.

After getting the kids ready for bed and making sure they were falling asleep, and seeing that Daryl was still downstairs, Beth went into their bedroom and closed the door. Going into the bathroom, she plugged the drain in the claw foot bathtub and began filling it with warm water and bubbles. She stripped her clothes off and stepped into the tub, sinking down into the water and a soft exhaled breath of relief.

Hopefully, by tomorrow morning, this mood would have passed and she would be back to how she almost always was. It usually lasted no longer than a day.

Her eyes were closed but she heard the bedroom door open and then close again. She heard the familiar creak of one of the wooden floorboards and when she opened her eyes, she saw Daryl standing in the bathroom doorway, looking at her. She didn't say anything and she waited for him to ask her something but he never did.

Instead, he stepped into the bathroom and began pulling off his clothes, joining hers lying haphazardly on the floor. Beth gripped the edges of the tub and pulled herself forward and Daryl climbed in behind her, settling his back against the back of the tub and Beth sank backwards again, settling herself between his legs and her back against his chest. She closed her eyes again, her head resting against his shoulder and she felt his hands light on the outsides of her thighs.

"What's this smell?" He asked, referring to her small collection of scented bubbles.

Her lips twitched in a smile. "Vanilla cupcake," she said.

Daryl didn't say anything to that and the silence, once again, fell over them. It was comfortable between them as it always was but Beth knew that his mind was churning with questions. She could practically hear him thinking but she wasn't going to open her mouth and offer and explanation. She wasn't ready to yet – not sure how to explain himself in a way which Daryl would be able to understand. She wasn't even sure she was able to explain it to herself.

Everything was quiet around them. The kids were asleep, and there didn't even seem to be a breeze blowing outside that night. The only sound was occasional creak as the old house settled around them. Leaning against Daryl's warm and hard body, surrounded by the warm water and sweet-smelling bubbles, Beth felt herself drifting off as if she was heading towards sleep.

"You're happy, right?" Daryl then asked the question she wasn't actually expecting him to and it brought her right back to that moment.

She hesitated for just a second. "I am," she said softly.

Daryl was quiet and she knew he probably wasn't completely believing her.

"I am," she said again, still softly but with a bit more sureness in her tone. "I just…" she trailed off then because she really didn't know how to say any of this; how to explain herself and everything that was rolling around in her mind. "I sometimes get like this. I wake up and look around and I have no idea how I got here."

He was silent but she knew he was listening to every word she said and rolling it around in his own mind.

She sighed softly. "I sometimes wish I was still twenty-one and it was just you and me in our tiny house in the woods."

The instant she said the words, she felt her stomach sinking as heavily as a stone sinking to the bottom of a pool of water. It wasn't right for her to think such things, let alone say them. She was a mom. She had three kids she loved more than anything else in this world and she couldn't say such selfish things. She wasn't twenty-one anymore and she never would be again.

She felt herself internally bracing for what Daryl's possible response to that would be, feeling nervous and unsure.

"Me, too," he grunted then in a soft voice.

She turned her head to look at his face, knowing her surprise was evident. He looked at her, too, and didn't say anything else.

"Really?" She asked in a whisper as if she was too afraid to speak louder.

He nodded and still didn't speak.

"I don't feel it all the time. It's just… some days, I wake up and can't really believe that I'm here. You know?" She tried her best to swallow the growing dryness in her throat. "I just… I don't know," she then whispered because she did and yet, she didn't. She didn't know how to say any of this without sounding like a terrible person and have Daryl feel like he ruined her life because she knew Daryl and she knew that he would definitely feel like that.

"I know what you mean," Daryl then said though and she lifted her eyes back up to him, hoping he would say more. He did. "Never saw myself gettin' married or havin' kids or any of this and I'll look 'round sometimes and wonder how the hell I got here," he admitted to her.

And Beth found herself exhaling softly because he got it. And not only did he get it but he thought the same things. She had had no idea that he had and she felt such a relief because maybe she wasn't as selfish as she was worried about being.

"Being with you is the best thing to ever happen to me but when I was younger, I always imagined myself standing up on a stage somewhere and performing. Not just at Gareth's twice a month but recording my own songs and going on small tours and… I feel terrible when I think about it," she then said in a whisper.

"Why?" He was frowning at her.

"Because…" she swallowed. "I'm a mom. I'm not supposed to think about things like that."

"You're allowed to think of how your life could 'ave gone. No one says you can't," Daryl said and she looked at him, unable to help but be a little amazed that he was saying these things to her. She hadn't been expecting his reaction to be like that. His eyes were settled on her. "Would you 'ave still married me if you could go back?" He then asked in a low, gruff voice.

"Yes," she answered without pause. "No matter how many times I think about how my life could have gone, marrying you is always the same." She paused again and swallowed the lump in her throat. "Am I a terrible person?" She whispered.

His brow furrowed. "'course you're not. You've always been the best person I've ever met. I just always assumed it was normal for a parent to wonder how it would 'ave been if they didn't have their kids. Don't make any of us terrible people."

Beth sighed softly and she felt herself relaxing – just a little though.

"What do you think about?" She asked.

He shrugged. "Wouldn't be doin' anythin' grand like tourin' the country. I'd still be livin' up in the woods and keepin' to myself and workin' at Dale's garage and that would be it. Wouldn't have kids or my own side business or any of the attention I got from fixin' this house up. Would be just you and me and that's it," Daryl said.

Beth relaxed completely against his chest now, turning her head so her forehead rested against the side of his throat. "I love you," she whispered.

"Love you, too," he answered back and she felt his hand on her back.

"We have such a good life," she continued in her soft voice. "And most days, I wouldn't change it for the world. We've made a good life for ourselves, Daryl Dixon."

His lips twitched a little at that. "Yeah, we've done a'right," he agreed. His hand slowly trailed over her arm and then his thumb slowly swept beneath the bracelets on her left wrist that she always wore, rubbing circles on the scar they covered. "You promised me you'd tell me if you got to feelin' sad like that," he reminded her.

Beth shook her head, looking into his eyes. "It's not like that," she said. "It's not really a sadness. It's… I don't know how to explain it. It's longing for something that I know is never going to happen and it makes me sad because it will never happen." She shook her head again. "But it just lasts for a day or so and by the next, I'm fine again."

Daryl kept staring at her, not saying anything, still rubbing circles over her scar.

"I just don't want to have any regrets," she whispered. "I don't want to be lying on my bed, fifty years from now, wishing I had done this or that and knowing that I just let my whole life pass me by."

Daryl shifted his back against the hard tub as if he was trying to get himself more comfortable. "A'right," he then said. "What do we have to do?" She must have looked confused because his hand left her wrist to circle his arm around her waist and he pulled her tighter against his chest. "What do we gotta do to make sure you aren't lyin' on your bed fifty years from now with regrets?" He asked.

"I don't know," she admitted with a slight shake of her head.

He was quiet for a moment as if thinking that over. "We'll figure it out," he then said.

Beth smiled faintly up at him and she didn't think it was possible. She never thought it was possible because she didn't know it was possible to love someone as much as she already loved Daryl. But it seemed like all of the time, he did something and she just fell deeper and deeper in love with him. Like now. Just when she thought she couldn't love him anymore, he did something that showed her that she could.

She pressed herself against him and closed her eyes, feeling his arms wrap around her and hold her close, and the melancholy feeling that had gripped her for most of the day was beginning to fade away. And even as the bubbles began to disappear and the water began to cool, neither made a move to pull themselves from the bath.

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Thank you very much for reading and please review!

Some have mentioned that I have focused on daddy Daryl with the kids so I'm going to write a chapter that shows Beth being an awesome mom with the kids.

And PS - I can't thank you enough for your continued support of this story/universe.