Chapter 21!

Olivia's POV

Jack was sitting on the bed next to me when I woke up, and I was about to scream, but he held a finger to his mouth with one hand, and with the other showed me his gun. I looked for Nick in the chair, but he was still lying on the ground. I couldn't fight Jack on my own, I had already fought and lost that battle. He straddled my waist. "No, stop!"

"Shut the hell up!" He yelled, and pointed his gun at my head.

I knew I could get free if only I could make myself heard, so I tried to scream, but nothing came out, and Jack placed the gun at my entrance, and threatened to push it in if I made another sound. I screamed when I felt it barely touch me.

I sat up with wide eyes, screaming, waking myself up. Fin came running in, just as I went running out.

I clutched the side of the bowl as I sat on the cold, hard bathroom floor with my head in the toilet, crying. I was grateful I had left my hair up from earlier, and so not all of it was falling in my face. I felt a hand start to rub circles on my back, and it only made me want to cry more. He still cared. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up."

"It's seven AM. You didn't wake me up." He said, and I was about to look up at him, but I was thrown forward as I tried to empty my already empty stomach once again.

When I was finally through, Fin gave me a damp cloth to place on my face. The cool cloth felt so good on my tired and sweaty face. I sat up against the nearest wall to me, and leaned my head back in exhaustion. Fin walked out for just a moment, and returned with a glass of water. I drank the full glass right then, soothing my dry and irritated throat. "Thank you." I said.

"Here, let's get you off the floor." He said as he helped me stand, and walked with me to the couch, then supplied me with another glass of water. "I feel bad leaving you. Do you need anything else before I head off to work?"

"I think I'm good. Thanks."

"Alright, call me if you need anything."

"I will. Thanks again."

Fin's POV

I arrived at the precinct late, and everyone noticed.

"Hey. Everything alright?" Rollins asked from her desk when she saw me walk in.

"Yeah, just a rough night. Rough morning too." I said, working on a total of four hours of sleep. She had been up twice that night with a nightmare, and each time I was up with her. She hadn't had a night like that in a long while, she had been doing so much better lately, but last night was another story. I thought maybe it had something to do with her conversation with Nick. It must have brought back all those memories, seeing his face again, I couldn't imagine it being easy. Last night Amanda and I almost got her to talk about it with us. She said Nick felt guilty of everything, but when we tried to ask her what 'everything' was, she just told us it was everything. Olivia was hiding something from me, from all of us. Trying to pull that out of her, without calling her out directly on it, was extremely difficult. Especially, when Olivia worked so hard to keep it sealed, and any signs that she had something to hide, hidden. I wasn't going to pressure her too much, I trusted her to come to me whenever she was ready, if she ever was. I just wished I could do something about it now because, I could tell it was eating her up inside.

Murphy walked out of his office and was standing in front of my desk without me even realizing he had come out of his office. "Fin. I need to talk to you. In my office." He realized he didn't have my attention, and was struggling to make eye contact with me the whole time, until I finally looked up from my papers, and headed to his office. He shut the door behind us, and I knew it was important, whatever he was about to say. I tried to hide my tired expressions from him, but I'm sure it had shown through at least a couple times during our conversation. "I know you're trying to take care of Benson and all, but I really need you here, working. I don't just mean physically, I need your head to be in it. We're already down two detectives, possibly one for good. They're not too keen on Benson returning either, considering everything, but I'm fighting that, and we shouldn't have to worry."

"What do you mean? We could lose both of them?"

"Fin, don't worry about it, and I don't want you telling her. She doesn't need the stress. I've got it under control. What I need from you right now, is for you to stay focused. Can you do that? Thanks." He returned to his work without even given me a chance to answer.

I didn't know if I could do it. There was just so much going on that, it was hard for me to concentrate on anything else. Then, he said they may not want Olivia to return to work? That would completely destroy her, and she didn't need any more bad news after all the bad news she had received lately, particularly pertaining to Nick. Murphy also told me that Nick might not ever be returning? He couldn't go to jail for the rest of his life. I say the rest of his life because, no matter what the judge ruled, it would be a life sentence for him. He wouldn't make it a full year in there. He barely made it two weeks.

Nick's POV

I fell asleep that night with a million things on my mind, but the one thing that decided to surface in my sleep was the thing I wished I could forget about most. I had a nightmare that I was on my cell floor, with the four guys, and Olivia was on my cot, with Jack. We both just stared at each other the entire time while our bodies were being violated in the worst of ways. We never looked away, we never tried to fight, we just stared, numb, looking for comfort. We were always able to find comfort in each other. Even if I didn't want to admit it, seeing Olivia was a relief. She had made it, she was okay.

I didn't know what I should expect to come next. When I sat alone in my single cell, every second felt like an hour. The only way I could tell if time had passed was, meals. The food was disgusting, and I gagged as I ate it every time, but I had been starving ever since I escaped. There wasn't too much that I had to look forward to being here. Believe it or not I was actually looking forward to the trial. I got to see everyone, and there was nothing they could do to help me, it would already be over before it started. They would get to hear about the horrible things I did, and by the end they may actually be glad to watch me be put away. I hoped so. There was no way I was going to fail at this like I had failed at everything else I had done recently. I was going to prison for the rest of my life, end of discussion.

Olivia's POV

I spent most of the day either sick to my stomach, or completely exhausted. There wasn't much to do besides sleep and eat for the entire day, and since I hadn't been too hungry, I just slept. Then, I'd get woken up by a nightmare, and try to avoid falling asleep again, but then out of complete boredom end up falling asleep, only for the cycle to be repeated. I finally gave up, and tried to eat something, but everything I looked at made my stomach turn, and if I tried to warm myself up to it by smelling it, I would end up on the bathroom floor again. I had drank quite a bit of water that day, knowing I didn't want to dehydrate, and create more problems for myself. I looked for something light to eat. I found some crackers, but when I pulled them out of the box, I realized they were the ones I had lived off for a week. I was completely naked when he sat next to me on the bed, and brought me food and water. I jumped, but I don't think he noticed.

He drank a little of the water first so that the cup wouldn't be as full as he brought it to my mouth. I took a tiny sip, and started choking. When I coughed, the water spilled down the front of my chin. "I'm sorry." I cried. I felt bad for wasting the little amount of water we got.

"Don't be. Here, maybe if you sit up..." he said, and offered to help me sit.

I threw them across the room, in a panic to get them out of my hands. I backed up until I felt the counter on my back, and I slid to the floor, burying my head in my hands. Everything reminded me him, of Nick, of Jack. I had escaped, but I would never leave. I would always be there, in that room, no matter how far I tried to get from it, or how hard I tried to forget. It wasn't fair.

Fin's POV

I was relieved when I was finally able to head home. I knew Olivia probably hadn't ate anything all day, and I decided I would just make some toast, or something light. When I first walked in, I could hear Olivia's sobs, but I didn't see her anywhere. I took a step in the door, and I saw her huddled on the kitchen floor, and I immediately ran over to her. "Liv, Liv, what's wrong?" I asked cautiously. She didn't respond, and I placed a hand on her back. "Liv." She suddenly threw her arms around me, and cried onto my shoulder. I had no idea what had happen or what was going through her mind, but I was so glad I arrived when I did. I tried a question again when her sobs began to ease. "What happen?"

"I- I saw the, they were the same crackers. I know, it sounds so stupid... but I just, I could smell them, him, everything." She sobbed, and rested her face on my shoulder once again.

I looked to my side, and I saw the box of Ritz crackers on the floor, and the package of crackers to the side of it. My heart completely shattered, it was something so common, I never thought of it. "I'll throw them out. I'm sorry." As soon as she lifted her head, I got up, and threw them in the outside trash. "There, they're gone. You don't have to worry about it anymore."

"Thank you. I know it probably seems so stupid that-"

"Don't worry about it. I get it." It was true, I did understand. I knew how different smells brought me back to different times in my life, and brought back all those emotions. For Olivia, she was brought back to the worst days of her life smelling that. That is why I had no problem throwing out the remainders of the box.

I helped her clean up, and made her some toast for dinner that she surprisingly was able to finish. She started to feel a little sick after, and I suggested that she head to bed, and she didn't argue.

The next morning was an exact repeat of the last. Olivia was sick again, and I hated to leave her, but I still did, running in late, and getting a look from Murphy. As much as he acted like he disapproved of me, I knew he wouldn't fire me for taking care of Olivia.

Olivia's POV

I felt horrible the entire day, but regained my appetite for a very small and light dinner. Which was, once again, a piece of toast. The entire day was a perfect replica of the previous, minus the cracker episode. I went to bed early that night, and got through most of the night with only one nightmare, waking me up at two AM, and then there was one waking me up by seven AM. This was, once again, followed by me rushing to the bathroom, and revisiting the toast I had last night for dinner. Fin already had a glass of water ready for me sitting by the sink, which he grabbed when he joined me on the floor.

"I'm so tired, Fin. When will this be over?" I asked, not really expecting an answer.

His face became soft, and he showed a look of concern. "Hey, Liv, have you taken a pregnancy test?"

Oh no. How is she going to react? Will she take the test? If so, will it be positive? Please review!