Those impulsive decisions will bite you...

A/N:

As always, I apologize for the long delay. There's a lot of good Kigo-y interaction in this one, though, which might make up for it a little.

I'm so very sorry about my bad work habits. Actually, I'm more likely to sit down and write if you bug me with PMs. Hint, hint.

A couple of chapters back, I had Shego call Wade 'Urkel', after everybody's favorite genius nerd, Steve Urkel from Family Matters. This was supposed to be an improvement on 'Nerdlinger', since hey - Urkel was a proud nerd who invented a bunch of mad-science level gadgets (and wound up pretty much taking over the show). Several people commented that this really wasn't an improvement, to which I can only say, um, this is Shego we're talking about?

Karina and Shannon had been happily discussing the events of the previous few weeks. Karina was cheerfully giving Shannon the shit she deserved for being such a fucking dumbass and letting her more selfish instincts run her brain, and Shannon was going back and forth between sniping at Karina for being such a bitch and not letting it go, and agreeing with her and elaborating on the more self-destructive things she had gotten up to. The woman's capacity for alcohol was apparently superhuman, which seemed to have contributed to the brutal beatings she had been handing out to the more violent and depraved members of the criminal community.

This pleasant moment was interrupted by the arrival of a big, not-too-bright looking guy with a white-trash mustache and a genuine 80s mullet. He seemed to be inordinately proud of the lameass tattoo of his name on his bicep, given that he'd ripped off the sleeves of his T-shirt to show it off. Or maybe it was so he could remember it. As he got closer, Karina could smell the overwhelming fog of grease and Gaxe body wash coming from him.

Ed Lipsky, professionally known as Motor Ed, looked around at the coffee shop. It was kinda fruity for his tastes - he preferred sitting at the counter in a grubby old diner somewhere along the highway, drinking that nasty shit that had been sitting on the burner all day. Now that was coffee, seriously. Still, he had to admit, the place was totally stuffed with hot chicks, seriously. Whoah. Like that one behind the counter, with all the ink and that wild colorful shit in her hair. She didn't have much in the way of tits, but oh yeaahh, the rest of her made up for it. Chicks with tattoos were always a great fuck, that was one of Motor Ed's rules. He totally needed to tap that, oh yeah. If not her, then that chick with the long black hair and killer ass she was talking to. Skin-tight pants and knee-high boots were some of Ed's major turnons.

Ed had been a loyal follower of the Frank TJ Mackey Seduce and Destroy system for a few years now, and, while it didn't always work as flawlessly as Frank TJ claimed, it had gotten him laid more often than anything else he had ever tried, even though most of the chicks it worked on were drunk. He had a good feeling about this one, though. He had a Plan and life was going good. "Oh yeah. Motor Ed is gonna get himself some naughty sauce here, seriously", he muttered, mostly under his breath. Now all he needed to do was find Shego and he could get this bitchin' Plan under way.

Shego was glad to finally have a chance to unload all of the bullshit she'd put herself through, in a way she could never tell Kimmie. She knew Karina was never going to judge her, or think any less of her, no matter what she had done. Beating up on villains and criminals was a bit of a gray zone as far as the cheerleader was concerned, especially given what she'd been doing to henchmen, although Shego suspected she'd been more ruthless and bloodthirsty than Kimmie could ever be. All in all, it was worth having to put up with Karina's shit for a chance to clear off her conscience a little.

She heard the door chime ring and realized that Karina was no longer paying attention to her, but seemed to be watching whoever had just come in and wishing they hadn't. The smell of stale grease monkey hit her just as she recognized an all-too-familiar voice. Son of a... fuck. Why the hell was he here? An icy feeling of horror sliced through her. Did he know about her and Kimmie? Shit. He would have to die, that much was obvious. Kimmie would thank her for keeping their secret and...

Shaking away the sweet fantasy with a sigh, Shego turned around slowly, letting her emotions calm down as much as she could and replacing them with a cold glare. "Eddie. What the fuck are you doing here? And how the fuck did you find me? And do you really want to die today?"

Ed held up his hands and backed up a step. "Whoah, whoah, whoah. Chill out, Green. I had a proposition for you. A business proposition!", he added quickly, before she could get the wrong idea. "And dude, everybody knows you hang here, you know? I just asked around at The Lair and they pointed me here."

Shego resisted the urge to blast the goober's head into charcoal by thinking that it would make Kimmie unhappy. Good Shego. Good Shego. By force of will, she pushed her natural urges down. "You know I'm retired now, right? So I don't need any propositions, especially from you?"

"Yeah, I heard you left Cousin Drew in jail. That was kinda harsh, seriously. Although I can't really blame you. But just let me pitch you the job, okay, She..."

Snake-fast, Shego snapped out her arm and grabbed Ed by the throat, resisting the urge to squeeze too hard. "Call me Shego and you die", she hissed malevolently into his ear. "It's 'Shannon' in public, got it?"

"Whoah, sure thing there, uh, Shannon", Ed managed to get out, trying to get some feeling back into his neck. "Whatever you want, seriously. Let me just tell you about my super-cool Plan, okay? Even if you're not interested, maybe you know someone who could help, you know?"

Shego groaned and tried to ignore Karina's inquisitive look. Oh, what the hell. Ed's plans were just as ridiculous as Drakken's, but at least they were usually more entertaining and generally involved lots of random destruction of some kind. He was already here, she might as well listen for a minute before kicking the shit out of him. Besides, she had a sick sort of curiosity about might happen.

Ed took Shego's lack of further violence as acceptance and went into his spiel. "So, see, there's this sweet new rocket over at the Middleton Space Center, right? It has these fuckin' awesome prototype boosters, dude, it's gonna be the fastest man-made thing in the history of the planet, seriously. So what we're gonna do, right, is steal it and I'm gonna improve it a bit and then we're gonna take it out on the road and put my bitchin' Plan into action. It's gonna be wicked cool, seriously. Yeahhhahh!" air guitar "So, what do you say, green lady, you in?"

Well, that's what she got for indulging her curiosity. You'd think she would know better. Sighing and rubbing her eyes, she realized she was in too far and had to know, now. "And this Plan is what, exactly?", she asked, eyes still shut.

"Whoah, whoah. No spoilers, babe! That's not how I roll. It's a super-awesome plan, and that's all you need to know."

"Eddie. I am not getting involved in something that's gonna be a surprise, especially not from you. What is the plan?"

"Hey! The dude comes up with the plan, and the shotgun babe goes along and doesn't ask questions, seriously." Ed looked over at the colorful chick for support. He could see that she was clearly impressed with him. "Amirite?"

Shego and Karina looked at each other and mouthed the same thing at the same time. "Shotgun babe?"

Ed looked confused for a moment, then brightened. "Yeah, that's you. Or whoever, if you don't want to."

Shego's attempts to be good for Kimmie's sake could only stretch so far. She snapped. "I am not!", she bellowed, smashing a hard left into Motor Ed's face. "A shotgun!", she continued, with an even harder left, breaking his nose with a satisfying crunch. "BABE!", she finished, lashing out a leg into his chest and kicking him across the room and into a plaster and bronze sculpture that might have been a tree. Damn, that felt good. Kimmie couldn't object to that, right? Karina, on the other hand...

Shego looked over at her friend, as contritely as she was capable of for anyone except Kim, to see how pissed she was going to be. Apparently not pissed at all, considering that smile on her face. You need to apologize, Kim said in her head. Grumble. Yes, Pumpkin. "Sorry about the sculpture, Karina. But that needed to be done. I'll pay for everything."

"Eh, no worries. I never liked that ugly thing anyway. It looks like you're not done yet, though." Karina nodded her head towards the pile of broken things in the corner, where Motor Ed was groaning and holding a grease rag to his nose. "My turn this time."

Ed slowly sat up, chunks of plaster and pieces of wire rolling off him. "Whoah, that was awesome, Green. I love it when you get all worked up, seriously", he started, spitting out a tooth. Then he saw the looks on Shego's and Colorful Chick's faces and realized he might have miscalculated the situation.

"Okay, okay! I'll tell you the Plan. Damn. You're kind of a buzzkill, you know? Seriously. No respect for the natural order of things between a dude and his chick." Ed stood up carefully and tried to pull himself and his remaining dignity together.

"It's a totally kickass plan, seriously. We're gonna steal the Kepler from the Space Center, then I'm gonna make it even better, and then I'm gonna hit the road and cruise across the country at hypersonic speed, with a smokin' hot babe by my side. That'd be you, by the way." Ed crossed his arms proudly and looked over at his audience for approval.

There was a half a second of silence, where nobody moved. Shego blinked. Another moment. Karina thought she could see steam, or something, coming from Shannon's ears. Then the woman exploded.

"Gahhh! That is the stupidest fucking plan I've ever heard! Drakken had better plans than that. Well, once in a while. Well, once. At least his plans were supposed to accomplish something, even if they were never going to work! And who the fuck steals a rocket just so they can drive around really fast? It's idiotic."

Ed was actually hurt by the accusations. "Hey, it's a dude thing. You're a chick, so you'd never understand. But believe me, it's righteous, seriously."

"It's righteously fucking stupid!" Shego clenched her right hand and cuffed his ear. That felt really good, so she did it a few more times, which felt even better. Then, because he seemed to be enjoying himself, she kicked him in the crotch. Heh. Righteous.

Motor Ed was curled up on the floor, holding himself and rocking back and forth, moaning slightly. "Oh, man! My poor balls. I've got such a fucking hardon right now. Seriously." Crawling back to his feet with some difficulty, he walked unsteadily towards the counter.

"Okay, so I guess you're not interested, huh. Your loss, babe." He turned to Karina, fully taking her in for the first time. "Whoah. Nice tits, seriously. Ah, I mean tats. Yeah, those too, seriously. So whatta ya say, Harley Quinn? You wanna go on a fast cruise with Motor Ed? You're totally hot enough to ride shotgun with me. We just need to do something about your clothes. And then along the way? I can show you how I tame the cunt, seriously."

Karina went from trying not to laugh at the idiocy to fully pissed off feminist in about half an instant. Her right fist shot out into Motor Ed's eye, followed immediately by a left uppercut into his jaw, lifting him off his feet and landing him on his ass again.

Ed looked up with something like love in his eyes. "Whoah, goddamn! Another hot chick who can kick my ass. Now that is righteous, seriously. Hey, do you two want to have a threesome sometime? You guys are both bi, right?"

Before Shego could even decide what type of pain she wanted to inflict on the ignorant bastard, Karina vaulted over the counter like a gymnast and, without changing her trajectory, landed with both feet directly on Ed's head. Heavy boots made Ed's skull boom and echo like an oil drum.

The last things Ed Lipsky saw before everything went white were two well-muscled, heavily tattooed legs coming at him, and a perfect view up the chick's skirt. His last act before passing out was to mumble "Dude! Totally worth it! Seriously." air guitar

Karina stalked slowly towards 'Motor Ed', wishing he was still conscious so that she could hurt him some more. Sighing in disappointment, she grabbed him by the hair and started dragging him towards the door. "Hold on a sec, Shannon. Let me just throw this trash out."

"Please. Let me do it", Shego said, reaching down and picking the body up by the legs and hoisting them over her shoulder. Karina, smirking, held the door open while she carried Ed out, his head bouncing along the floor and leaving the occasional bloodstain.

As she dropped him at the curb next to a giant robot (obviously his, considering the fuzzy dice), Ed opened his eyes and looked around woozily. "Whoah, man! That was intense, seriously." Noticing Shego, he focused a little better. "So, Sheena, you sure I can't change your mind? It'll be fun, I promise."

Oh, for fuck's sake. Shego smacked her forehead and tried not to scream. She had probably exceeded the amount of violence Kimmie would let her get away with. She considered saying something emasculating, but somehow couldn't bring herself to do it. It would be like kicking that overly-friendly dog just because it tried to hump your leg. She knew she should just forget about him and his dumbfuck 'Plan'. She should just give him a quick plasma blast and go back inside and continue her conversation with Karina.

She knew this. But still, the more visceral part of her brain couldn't help thinking that driving really fast cross-country didn't sound that bad. In fact, it sounded like a hell of a lot of fun. Besides, Kimmie would undoubtedly stop him and that would make for a fun story. Then a particularly awful thought came to mind and she smiled evilly. Yes, that was perfect. Those two deserved each other.

"Goddamnit, Eddie. How many times do I have to tell you, I'm fucking retired! But, I'll tell you who you should talk to. Electronique. She should still be in the Go City Prison."

"Electronique, huh? Never heard of her. Is she hot? She sounds hot, seriously."

"She's a Go City villain, can do shit with electricity. I used to run into her when... Well, never mind that. But yeah, she's hot. You guys will be perfect together. Trust me."

Motor Ed's face brightened and broke out in a huge smile. "Whoah, thank you, Green, like seriously. I knew you liked me. Aw, this is gonna be awesome. I get to cruise across the country with a totally hot chick by my side, and I get to test out my super-cool Destructo-bot by busting her out of prison first. Plus electrical stuff sounds hella useful. Seriously."

Full of energy and optimism again, he jumped into his feet, shimmied up the leg of the robot and leaped into the cockpit. With a wave and a blast of the Cucaracha horn, they clumped off at high speed towards Go City.

"Look out, squares. Motor Ed is coming to go fast and fuck things up. Seriously!" ba-ba-ba-baa-bah, ba-ba-ba-baa-bah

"Happy chaos", Shego said to the disappearing cloud of dust. Turning to go back inside, she wondered if this had been a bad idea.

Shego cringed at the look on Karina's face. The woman seemed to be looking forward to an explanation entirely too much.

"Soooo, Shannon", Karina purred, trying not to sound insanely curious. "Friend of yours?"

"Oh fuck no. I used to have to work with him sometimes." Hoping forlornly that Karina would let it drop, Shego humphed and crossed her arms. When Karina just responded with a "Yes. Go on", Shego groaned again and gave her friend a dirty look.

"He's my ex-boss's cousin. A total lunkhead grease monkey with half a brain and no manners. He's like some backwoods redneck from 1952 who got sent to 1985 and liked it there. He smells bad, he has no class at all, and he's probably inhaled way too much carburetor cleaner. As you can see, he thinks he's God's gift to women, he doesn't know how to take 'No' for an answer, and smacking him around only seems to encourage him."

"He does seem to like it when you hurt him."

"You wouldn't believe. Although, I have to be honest, the guy's a fucking mechanical genius. If you ever need a car or a plane or a robot hopped up and tricked out, he's the person you go to. Of course, it'll have racing stripes and a pair of fuzzy dice, but it'll go like a motherfucker."

After chatting for a while longer, Shego slapped her hand down on the counter. "Okay, I have to get out of here. Kimmie's coming over to spar later."

"Where is she, anyway? You two are always joined at the hip these days."

"She said her dad was taking her out to buy a car. I don't know how much babysitting pays, but she's probably going to wind up with some piece of junk." Shego would be glad to buy Kimmie anything she wanted - a Porsche came to mind - but that probably wouldn't go over very well.

Karina sniffed and pretended to wipe a tear away. "Aw. Her first car. Your little girl is all grown up."

"Shut up", Shego huffed. "We'll tell you all the details afterwards. Right now I gotta go get ready."

"Get ready, huh? Wash the sinkful of dishes and put away the porn?"

"Just clean up the place a bit so Princess doesn't think I'm a complete fucking slob."

"Wash the sinkful of dishes and put away the porn and pick up all the dirty laundry and empty liquor bottles, got it."

"Karina...", Shego growled.

"And change the sheets."

"Karina!"

"Okay, dishes in the dishwasher, all my grungy clothes shoved into the laundry room, last bits of broken glass all swept up, check. Destroyed furniture thrown out and replaced, check. The rest of the place neatened up, check. Now what did I miss?" Shego was anxiously going through the condo, checking to make sure everything looked reasonably nice and presentable for her Kimmie. Honestly, she was really a tidy person, most of the time, not quite obsessive about it, but still, you put something away, in its place, and you could always find it again. It was just that, lately, things had gotten a little chaotic. That was what happened when you didn't give a shit any more. She suppressed a shudder, reminding herself again how glad she was that all that was behind her now.

After a few hours of this, and another couple of trips through the entire place, straightening up piles of magazines and making sure the toilet paper was hanging just so, Shego had nothing left to do but sit and fidget and wonder if she had forgotten anything. Finally, the doorbell rang, and she nearly jumped off her chair in anticipation. With one last check of her hair in the hall mirror, she flung open the door in a way that she hoped didn't make her look like she had been waiting too fervently.

"Hey, Pumpkin. How's it going? Did you find a car?" How's it going? Jesus fuck, could she sound any more like a schoolgirl with a crush? At least Kimmie didn't seem to pick up on it, although she did seem to have something on her mind, considering her excited smile.

"Hi, Shego! I did get a car, and it's really spankin'." Kim's smile faded a bit, replaced by a look of annoyance. "Although, um, it's going kind of mixed. It came with strings attached."

"Strings?" Shego was very curious, now, about that that meant.

"Ugh. My brothers. They fixed it up for me, and now I have to be their car monkey. Grrr!" After a moment of scowling at the memory, Kim's smile came roaring back. "Still, car, so, totally worth it. Pretty much. Check it out."

With a proud flourish, Kim turned and pointed to a vaguely familiar-looking purple lump that was sitting in her driveway. "Ta-dah!"

Shego stared, unable to think of anything to say as recognition slowly hit. "Is that a...Roth SL? You bought a Sloth? I haven't seen one of those things in years. I didn't think they were allowed to sell them any more, Princess, not after the recall." She couldn't hold it in any longer, letting the snickering leak out and start to take over.

"Shego! Don't you dare laugh! Do you know how much a car costs, and how little I make from babysitting?"

Shego pulled herself together and tried, mostly successfully, to look contrite. "Sorry, Pumpkin. It's just... A Sloth? Really? Where did you even find this thing?"

"Ugh", Kim groaned. "It was my dad's old car. He, of course, thought it was incredibly cool. Opinions differ, obviously. Anyway, it really was that bad at first. Parts were falling off, and there were crows living under the hood." Kim reflected on how much they seemed to have it in for poor Ron. "So, the tweebs caught me at a weak moment and offered to get it running again, but in exchange, I have to drive them everywhere."

"Oh, damn. Little brother taxi service. My heart goes out. But can't you just tell them to go fuck themselves and lock them in the closet? It's what I used to do."

Much as Kim wanted to know what that was all about, she knew better than to ask. "I can't. Iron-clad contract. Stack of paper two feet tall. Besides, I don't want to get on their bad side. That's never a good place to be, if you value your sanity."

Shego remembered being randomly ambushed by Wegos for weeks at at time and shivered. "Yeah, good point, Kimmie. Still sucks, though."

"Tell me about it. That's why I'm late, by the way. Sorry abut that. They made me wait forever outside J.P. Bearymore's. And then, just to make things even worse, Ron went in after them and he left me sitting there for hours!" Kim threw up her arms in frustration. "Boys - they're all tweebs! Why do we even put up with them?" She wondered, again, about the feasibility of the Ron-training project.

Wisely, Shego decided to let that opening go right by. "Come on in, Kimmie. I'll give you the nickel tour and then we can get started."

Kim stood on the roof of the condo, taking in the Olympic-sized pool, really wanting to go swimming right now. The gardens on the other side had been impressive enough, along with the greenhouse full of tropical vines and flowers, but a world-class lap pool with high and low diving boards, and a meet-level timing clock - this was pretty much over the top, even for Shego. The lounging area with the comfy-looking recliners, the hot tub, and the well-stocked bar were exactly what she had expected to see, though.

Then again, Kim wasn't sure how well she knew Shego any more. These last few months had been eye-opening, to say the least. Who would have ever expected Shego, of all people, to completely change her attitude and alignment from cranky, snarky and evil to friendly, nice and good? Well, still a little cranky and snarky, and not completely good, because she totally wouldn't be Shego otherwise, now would she? And that would be no fun at all, because really, Kim had to admit, that was part of what made her so much fun to be around. Everyone needed a little flirtation with the dark side once in a while, didn't they, even heroes?

Still, the rest of the place really wasn't at all what she would have imagined. It was classy (not that Shego wasn't classy!), and kind of...normal. She thought back to Shego walking her through it.

"Okay, Kimmie. First floor, living room. Kitchen to your left, dining room on the other side of those swinging doors, sitting room through there, down the hall is the den and the bathroom. There's a patio out back where I can barbecue and..."

Kim trailed behind, trying to take it all in. Vaulted ceilings done in what Shego had assured her was Turkish Bianco Rosa marble, thick gray carpeting you just wanted to dig your toes into, silk drapes in muted earth tones. She was amused, and a little surprised, at the lack of an obvious green and black motif. There were just a few dark green accents, and a lot of black leather furniture, including a sectional couch that looked like it would seat at least a dozen people. It was so deep and soft and buttery smooth that she just wanted to roll around on it and then take a nap. She knew it was incredibly comfortable, because she had bounced around on it like a little kid until Shego had rolled her eyes and given her a funny look.

The couch, and few other, equally comfy-looking armchairs, were arranged in front of a pretty complete, state-of-the-art entertainment center, with most of the wall covered with DVDs, CDs and record albums, and the rest by the largest screen Kim had ever seen outside of a movie theater. The other wall was mostly glass, with big sliding doors opening onto the patio, and a rather well-stocked looking bar taking up the corner.

The kitchen had been just as impressive. With the enormous, stainless steel French door refrigerator, the restaurant-sized stove with what had to be a dozen burners, the ovens (ovens, plural, Kim thought in amazement), and the marble countertops everywhere covered with top-of-the-line appliances, this was a kitchen Kim could do some serious damage in. Then there was the table that could seat at least 10, and looked like something that had been in someone's kitchen for generations. Judging from the collection of condiments and napkin holders, the everyday-looking placemats, the proximity to the coffeemaker and the various nicks and dings, this was clearly the spiritual center of the house.

Kim was struck by how neat the place was. Everything seemed to be just so, while still looking like someone actually lived here instead of it being a furniture showroom. Huh. She would never have guessed Shego was so house-proud. Having stuck her head into all the bathrooms along the way and noticed that even the toilet paper looked perfect, she supposed the woman really had a thing about it. Heh. Another thing to tease her about.

Kim snapped back into the moment to hear Shego talking about the second floor. "So yeah, the bedrooms all have Jacuzzis, which is always nice, and then there's my private office and another den with a minibar and a balcony. Well, all the bedrooms have balconies too, of course, because obviously.

"The gym's on the third floor, along with showers and the sauna. There's also a big sunroom, which is really nice on those lazy afternoons. In the basement is the wine cellar, and my workshop, and the laundry room and shit like that. And the garage, of course. But let me show you the roof. I think you'll get a kick out of it."

The gym turned out to be just as amazing as the rest of the place. On one side was an array of every kind of weight and training machine Kim had ever encountered, and some she hadn't. On the other were, apparently, the changing rooms and the showers and sauna. In the middle, taking up most of the floor space, was a raised sparring ring, along with tumbling mats, padded walls, and a set of parallel bars. Kim whistled involuntarily. This was going to be fun.

Shego smiled happily at the grin on the redhead's face. It had started the moment she walked in the door and been getting bigger ever since. "So, Princess. You like?"

Kim continued looking around in awe. "Yes, Shego. I definitely like. I really want to work on the parallel bars, but first - sparring! You're teaching me Bù cúnzài, so come on."

Shego couldn't stop smiling. Kimmie's enthusiasm was so infectious she couldn't even make fun of her for bouncing up and down on her couch like a kindergartener on a sugar rush. She didn't even mind that the girl was pretty much ordering her around.

"Well, Pumpkin, let's get on with it. Changing rooms are right through ..."

beep-beep-be-beep

"Oh, god damnit, Urkel. You have such lousy fucking timing."

Kim didn't even giggle at Shego's annoyance. She was pretty much in agreement, even if she would never express it like that. With a sigh of disappointment, she pulled out the Kimmunicator. "Go, Wade. And I hope it's something important."

Wade gulped at the look on Kim's face, but carried on. "It is, Kim. Someone jacked into the space center's mainframe and downloaded information on something called the Kepler."

"Kepler..." That name was familiar. Kepler... Oh, right! "That's the project my dad's working on! I'll be right there."

Kepler, Kepler. Why did that sound so damn familiar? Shego remembered hearing that name just recently. Then it dawned. Oh, shit. Fucking Eddie. She was going to kill the bastard. And fuck her stupid impetuous nature while she was at it. They always seemed to backfire on her these days.

"I'm so sorry, Shego. I really don't want to leave, but I have to go take care of this. The Kepler's kind of a big deal."

"Go, Kimmie. Do your thing. We can pick this up when you get back.

Stomping back into the condo, Kim was trying hard to put the last few hours behind her. Sure, driving the Sloth so fast that it went into outer space was ferociously fun, and climbing around on a rocket that was going almost hypersonic before it could destroy everything gave her one of those incredible rushes that made life worth living and left her all tingly afterwards, but she really just wanted to be sparring with Shego.

"Well, Princess. That took a while. I take it you saved the world okay?" Shego had gotten a few texts and a quick call from Kim, so she knew the girl was in the middle of a complicated si...bunch of shit. She had not been forthcoming with any details, though, other than grumbling about her brothers and that Bonnie bitch. Shego really wanted to know what had been going on.

"Ugh. Motor Ed again. What is it about that family that makes everybody so annoying?"

"Well, you've met Drakken's mother, right? That should tell you all you need to know." Shego could actually feel a little sorry for 'Drewbie' having to grow up under the thumb of someone like that.

Kim was thoughtful for a second. "That would explain a lot. Anyway, he had this brilliant idea to steal a super-high-speed rocket and drive really fast across the country and cause lots of destruction. What a..." Kim cast around for the appropriate word.

"Asshole? Douchebag? Fucking moron?", Shego helpfully offered.

"Well, I was going to say 'Jerk', or something like that, but yeah, what you said." Kim blushed a little at the idea of thinking of someone like that, but jeez, it was appropriate. 'Jerk' didn't begin to cover the trouble he'd caused her.

"Well, it was a pretty dumb-ass 'Plan' he had." Shego shook her head at the memory.

"Oh, that's so true. And to top it off, he went and broke some... Wait a minute! You knew about it?"

"Yeah, he found me at Espresso Hell and tried to get me on board. I...turned him down."

Kim smiled for the first time since she'd gotten there. "He did look kind of beaten up. Your work, I assume?"

"Me and Karina. He didn't impress her very much."

"I imagine not. But you could have warned me about it, you know. Or the police." Kim humphed a bit.

"Do I look like a concerned citizen, Kimmie? Besides, I knew Urkel would tell you about it and you'd go and take care of it. Of course, I didn't think it would wind up being so inconvenient."

"Shego! Do you have any idea what I've just had to go through? It was a little more than 'inconvenient'."

"We were just about to start sparring. I was very inconvenienced."

"Gaahh! You were 'inconvenienced'? You are so... so... infuriating!"

"And you wouldn't have me any other way, and you know it. Now come on, Pumpkin. Let me kick your ass for a while, that'll take your mind off it."

"Oh, like that's gonna happen."

Kim came out of the changing room wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt, more than ready to get to it. She was suddenly frozen by the sight of Shego in a sports bra and a pair of very tight shorts. Holy cow! This was a better view of Shego than she'd ever gotten, even from that fantastic dress the woman had worn at swing dancing that first time. Wow, look at all those muscles. Look at all that skin, that beautiful pale skin. And the black-painted toenails, just like she had imagined. Kim wondered if she should ask Shego if she could take a picture. That wouldn't be weird, right? Maybe something with her flexing those abs a little bit and pushing out her chest.

"Like what you see, Princess?"

"Huh?" Kim was still lost in thought. "Sure, I mean, who wouldn... Oh crap! No! No! Of course not! Not like that! You know, you just have an incredible body, you're in such great shape. That's not weird or anything for one woman to say to another, right? Of course it isn't." Kim started to trail off, cheeks red as a barn.

Shego raised an eyebrow and smiled snarkily at Kim's word vomit, enjoying the moment before taking pity on the poor girl. "No, Kimmie. It's not weird at all. Besides..." She lowered her voice and leaned in close. "It's true. Everybody says so."

"Shego! Don't do things like that. I'm already embarrassed enough. You're going to throw me off my game." Kim really wished she was able to keep her eyes to herself.

Shego put on an angelically innocent look. "But Pumpkin. You're just so much fun to tease. You need to lighten up a little." Shego's look transformed to devilishly evil. "And I have much better ways to throw you off your game."

Before Kim could start to think about what that meant, she found herself skidding across the floor towards the mats. How had Shego spun her around and kicked her like that without her even realizing? "Dang it, Shego! What was that? I wasn't ready. If I had been, you never would have been able to pull that stunt."

Shego gave Kim a very unapologetic smile as she sauntered over to the sparring ring. "If, if. If the dog hadn't stopped to take a shit, he would've caught the rabbit. You have to be ready all the time, for anything. That's lesson number 1."

Still grumbling, Kim climbed into the ring and started stretching, looking warily at Shego as the woman did the same. "So, is that how Bù cúnzài works? Sneak attacks and dirty tricks?" Maybe she didn't want to learn this style after all.

"Okay, first thing, Kimmie? There is no such thing as a dirty trick in a real fight. There's just 'ending it before you get hurt or worse'. Second? A sneak attack is just an attack you weren't ready for." Like kicking me into a tower, she couldn't help thinking. "Remember that and you'll be fine. And Bù cúnzài is all about not being where your opponent expects you to be. It literally means "not there".

Kim finished up her stretches and got into her standard fighting stance. "Okay, I can buy that. It's all just so real when you say it that way."

"The world is a very real place. Learning that's part of growing up. It wasn't fun for me either. Don't worry about it. You're on a good track for dealing with it. A lot better than I was."

Kim wondered, again, what Shego's past was like. She'd only gotten that one tantalizing hint about her relationship with her father and her childhood stealing. Someday, Kim promised herself, I'm going to ask her about that and get the rest of the story. She put those thoughts away and started getting her head into mission mode.

"I guess. But we can talk about all that some other time. Right now, Bù cúnzài! Is this the right stance, or do I need to be doing something else?"

"Oh, your stance is fine, Kimmie. But you're going to regret wearing those heavy pants. This is a pretty active style."

"Pssh. Whatever, Shego. I think I'll be fine. You're not going to mess with my head."

"Heh. You're learning, Princess. Maybe there's hope for you yet."

Kim rolled her eyes. "Yada yada. Let's just get on with it."

Shego smiled. This was going to be fun. "Okay, the way Bù cúnzài works is, you want to follow your opponent's eyes. See where they're looking, use that to figure out where their hit is going to land, and not be there."

"Really?" Kim was underwhelmed. "Isn't that a little simplistic?"

"You'd be surprised, Kimmie. Some of the most useful things in life are really simple. Let me demonstrate. Throw a punch at me."

Kim considered her options for a moment and decided to go with a left hook. Shifting her weight to her back foot, she pivoted and snapped a devastating fist into Shego's jaw. Unfortunately, Shego's jaw wasn't there any more. Worse, Shego had stepped outside the punch and slammed her own left upwards and into Kim's solar plexus. Now Kim was lying on her back and unhappy about it, again.

"Ow", said Kim, rubbing the spot. She was more surprised and embarrassed than hurt, but dang, that woman had an arm on her. Well, duh.

"See what I mean, Kimmie?" Shego stood there looking entirely too smug, in Kim's opinion. Kim grumbled some more, something about smart-aleck ex-villains, and got up slowly.

"I see you got one tricky shot in, Shego. Let's try this again." Now that she knew what the deal was, Kim tensed her muscles and threw a snap kick at Shego's stomach. Let's see her try to duck that.

Still with that maddeningly confident smile, Shego managed to somehow move so that she was standing right next to Kim. Before Kim could register exactly where the woman was, she felt her other leg go out from under her and she was on her butt again.

"Okay, Shego. You may be onto something here. But do you have to be so darn smug about it?"

"Of course I do, Princess."

With a groan, Kim got back to her feet and gave Shego a dirty look. "You're enjoying this entirely too much, you know that."

"Liiittle bit. And now you see the other half of Bù cúnzài. It's like playing pool. The idea is not just to move out of the way, it's to leave yourself in the right position to capitalize on where the other person winds up. I could see you were going to try a kick, so you were going to be standing there on one leg. I just did the obvious thing."

Kim thought back to her Uncle Slim teaching her how to play pool way back when. He'd made a big point of explaining how you wanted to leave the cue ball with a good lie so you could take your next shot. This was all starting to make sense now. "Okay. I think I see how this works."

"Yup. It really is pretty simple. But the real trick is to be able to think ahead more than one move. You need to set yourself up to be in the right place to avoid what they'll do if you do this." Without giving the slightest hint of her intentions, Shego swiveled on the ball of her right foot and aimed a spinning hook kick at Kimmie's midsection. As expected, the girl leapt up in one of those annoying cheerleader moves, then, while still in the air, slammed both feet down into where she expected Shego to be standing. Shego, however, had used the momentum from her kick to dive to the floor, spin on her back, and kick up into the exact spot where Kim now was.

Kim landed in a pile on the far side of the ring, fetched up against the ropes. She was really getting tired of this.

They'd been going at it for a while now, with Kim whipping her arms and legs around and just managing to miss Shego as the woman danced around and away from her, then came out of nowhere to hit her in some new unexpected location. Kim had spent a lot of time on her butt. Shego's infuriating attitude was just making things worse, and was reminding her why she'd hated the woman once.

Still, she was starting to get the hang of it. She wasn't getting knocked down as much any more, and she'd knocked Shego on her butt a couple of times, too. She started working out her next set of moves in her head.

If I do this, then she'll do this, so I'll do this and she'll do that, and then I'll do this. Hah! Take that, Shego!

Kim started out with a right knife hand strike to the left side of Shego's neck. Sure enough, Shego bent her knees and ducked under the shot, twisting to her left to drive her fist into Kim's unprotected right kidney. Kim, meanwhile, had kept moving after her strike and spun around on her left foot, letting the punch go by her and turning her knife hand into a hammer blow aimed at the now off-balance Shego's head. Shego had no option but to drop to her knees to avoid the hit, which was just where Kim wanted her to be as she continued her spin and kicked up in a golf swing kick that caught the woman in the chest and lifted her a foot and a half in the air.

Kim bounced on her toes, looking down at Shego with a very big grin. "So, Shego. How's the view from down there? It's pretty darn good from up here, I can tell you that."

"Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, Pumpkin. When I get up off this floor, I'm going to wipe it with you."

"Uh huh. Then come on. I know someone your age tires out easily, but I expected a bigger challenge from you. Maybe you need a little nap? Then we can sit on the couch while you eat your ice cream." There was no way Kim would admit it, but she was glad to have the break. She'd really been working up a sweat. This style required even more moving around than they usually did.

"Grrrr. Now who's enjoying herself too much, Princess?" Shego got up from the mat with a little less gusto than she would have liked. Shit, Kimmie caught on fast.

"Yeah, just a little bit." Kim decided it was probably time to stop rubbing it in so much, but there was no way she was going to stop enjoying herself. Or lose the grin. She did tone it down a little, though.

She took the opportunity to get some water from the stack in the corner of the gym. "Shego?", she asked, opening a bottle and drinking eagerly. "How come you never used any of that stuff before?"

Shego's smile started to come back. "Because then it wouldn't be any fun, Kimmie. But once you know it, well, why do you think I'm teaching you?"

Kim thought, yet again, how dangerous Shego really was and how much she'd been holding back over the years. "So, it was all about fun for you?"

"Pretty much, yeah. Of course, I dug the hell out of the evil, too. But then you came along, and, let's say, you gave me a new perspective."

"Huh. I'll take that as a compliment." No matter how many times it happened, Kim was always glad to be reminded that Shego really was a good person, underneath everything. With a happy little bounce in her step, she walked over and got a towel from her bag and started wiping her face and arms.

Shego noticed, and was not about to let the opportunity slip by. "Getting a little warm, Princess? I told you you'd regret the pants. You should've worn shorts like me."

"I'll be fine, Shego. Besides, there's no point in going to change now."

"You know, you could just take them off." Not that Shego was trying to get a look at Kimmie in her underwear, but she certainly wouldn't mind.

"Shego! Then I'd just be wearing..."

"Your underwear?", Shego interrupted. "It's not like I haven't seen you in your underwear before."

"What!" What the heck, was Shego spying on her or something?

"Hello - cheerleading? Tiny short skirt, me chasing you around Boner Nacho?"

"Those are spankies, not underwear. Totally different."

Spankies, huh? Time for spankies, Pumpkin. Yeah, that was not a good thing to think about right now. "Whatever. They still give me a great view of your ass. What's the matter, Kimmie? Embarrassed by cute Hello Kitty panties? Or maybe you're wearing a thong. Is Kimmie a naughty little princess wearing sexy underwear?" Shego pretended to rub her chin in thought. "Or, maybe you're going commando?"

"Shego! I'm not wearing..."

"Anything? I knew it."

"Gah! You are infuriating!" There was no way Kim wanted Shego to see her in her underwear. There was nothing wrong with them, although they were pretty cute. It would just be so embarrassing. She was starting to pink up just thinking about it. Still, it was pretty dang hot in those sweats. Would that be the worst thing that could happen if Shego got a peek? Heck, it wasn't all that different from wearing a bathing suit, right? Kim knew how good a body she had, and she certainly didn't mind showing it off at the beach. So what was stopping her?

The fact that it was Shego, obviously. Not that Shego would make fun of her or anything, it was just... Just what? The more Kim thought about it, the less of a reason she could think of. Why would she mind showing herself off to Shego? She was proud of how good her butt looked, after all. Not as good as Shego's, of course, but whose did? She heard Monique's voice in her head. If you have it goin' on, don't be afraid to shake it, girl!

Okay, that did it. Thanks, Mo. Besides, it would finally shut Shego up. Still blushing a little, she grabbed the waistband and pulled them down and off before she lost her nerve. "There, Shego. Happy now?" She kicked them away and glared at her former nemesis with her fists on her hips, enjoying the cool air and gentle breeze from the air conditioning on her skin. The tingling that had replaced the embarrassment didn't hurt either.

Holy shit, she actually did it. Shego wondered what she could do to convince Kimmie to take off her top. Okay, that wasn't going to happen. Didn't mean she couldn't enjoy the rest of the view.

Kim noticed Shego looking her over, and was seized with a burst of naughtiness. Standing on her toes and pirouetting slowly, she looked back over her shoulder and winked. "Like what you see, Shego?"

Oh. Fuck. Yes, she liked it. God, Kimmie's ass was intoxicating. Shego grudgingly put away the thoughts of all the things she wanted to do to it and tried to regain her concentration.

But not fast enough. Shego was still wondering if she would get to see a glimpse of red bush eventually, when Kim spun so fast she had motion blur and kicked her in the side of the head, following up by bringing up her other leg and burying the foot in her chest. Shit. That's what she got for letting her baser instincts take over.

"You learn quick, Princess. But now it's on. Hyyeaaaghhh!" Shego launched herself at Kim, who had to scramble to get out of the way.

They went at it, all out, back and forth across the ring, thrusting and dodging and feinting, taking turns getting knocked down and bouncing right back up with a counterattack. Neither one could remember ever having such a glorious fight. Each was pulling out moves the other had never seen before, and were absolutely going to steal. They were sweating profusely and breathing heavily and having so much fun.

All things have to end, and eventually this did too. They were both walking around, drinking water and letting the adrenaline drain away. Kim looked positively beatific and Shego could not look away from her. Fortunately, Kim was too caught up in her own endorphins to notice.

Shego was finally ready to talk again. "Fuckin' A, Kimmie. I haven't had a workout like that in years. That was incredible."

Kim was still in the moment, floating on a cloud and trying to remember every detail for later. Shego's voice brought her back. "Tell me about it, Shego. It was so much better than any other fight we've ever had. I just... wow."

"Yeah, that about sums it up. You realize we're going to have to do this again, soon, right?"

"Uh, yeah. It's not like you could keep me away, after all. This is now officially my favorite style. I would never have guessed that something this simple could be so effective."

Shego decided she would never get tired of the girl's enthusiasm. "Neither did I at first. Of course, it helps if you know your opponent really well."

Kim giggled. "Well, I guess we have that covered." She paused for a few seconds, thinking back over the experience again. "But I'll tell you, though. Next time I'm definitely wearing shorts."

Shego put her evil smile back on. "Told you so." Kim stuck out her tongue, and Shego thought about sucking it slowly into her mouth. She pushed that thought away to join the others for later.

"Okay, Pumpkin. Let's go hit the showers."

Next time: Kim and Shego take a shower. Then what happens?

A/N:

As is often the case, big thanks to the good folks at the KP Lounge forums (especially Lhyaran, Hopeful-Husky, and The Emperor of Dreams) for story help, advice, and word suggestions. The idea of Kim sparring in her underwear came directly from them. (I really hope I haven't forgotten anyone!)

Frank TJ Mackey and 'Seduce and Destroy' come from Paul Thomas Anderson's Magnolia. It's maybe Tom Cruise's best role. In fact, the whole movie is awesome. Go watch it. Seriously.

A reviewer asked me way back if Motor Ed was going to show up. I promised he would, and here is is. Finally. Yeaahhhhh! air guitar

No, Ed's robot did not have fuzzy dice - that was his modified Kepler - but it should have. I just thought it was funnier this way.

To see what a bad pair Motor Ed and Electronique would be, see SHADO Commander's At the Centerfold of the Storm. It's maybe the best Kigo action fanfic out there. It's also, sadly, one of the great unfinished ones, but don't let that stop you from reading it. Trust me on this.

"If the dog hadn't stopped to take a shit, he would've caught the rabbit " is something my father and grandfather used to say. It can be extremely appropriate.

As far as the ideas behind Bù cúnzài go, I basically just pulled it out of my ass. This may be the idea behind any kind of fighting, I don't know.